Calendar
by Link and Luigi
Summary: For one whole year, the teachers shall force their students to celebrate every holiday of the year in the quest of life, liberty and the pursuit of youthfullness!
1. New Year's Day

**Since we've already done the "submit once a week" and the "submit once a day" and the "only submit on weekdays" things... we have to try something new. We will submit a new chapter every TWO days! This is just a disaster waiting to happen, I can see it now! We'll see how long it lasts. Anyway, enjoy!**

Calendar

Chapter 1- New Year's Day

The day was December 31st. The hour was eleven. The minute was fifty-nine. The second was slowly ascending towards sixty.

"10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

With that, poppers were popped, confetti was thrown and lovers enveloped each other in a warm embrace of passionate love even though there were onlookers who could have gone the rest of their lives without seeing that!

"Another year, come and gone!" said Kurenai to her three jounin friends, Asuma, Kakashi and Gai.

"Yes, and what a great year it was!" Asuma agreed.

"My only regret is that, because I am so involved in my ninjahood, I often miss out on fun holidays like this one." Kakashi sighed.

"Yes." Said Gai with a nod. "I can't remember the last time I've gone trick-or-treating… or sat down for a Thanksgiving dinner…or worn all green on St. Patrick's Day!"

Gai then looked down at himself and chuckled warmly.

"Well, putting the fact that I wear all green EVERY day aside!" he said.

"It is quite unfortunate." Kurenai said.

"That I wear green?" Gai said, looking confused.

"No!" said Kurenai. "Well…yes. But what I was talking about was that we don't really get a chance to celebrate holidays!"

"And the worst part is that our students are inevitably going to go down the same road as we are!" gasped Asuma.

"Now THAT is unfortunate." Kakashi said.

Everyone gave a discontented sigh.

"Say…" said Gai, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "It's January 1st… and I have not yet made my New Year's Resolution!"

"Oh!" said Kurenai. "I almost forgot!"

The other two nodded in agreement as well. How silly!

"I resolve to…" Gai started. "To…to celebrate life, liberty and the pursuit of youthfulness more often!" He stood up, pointed off into the nonexistent sunset as a wave crashed behind him and tears streamed down his eyes.

"Don't you resolve that every year?" Asuma said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes." Said Gai. "But I wish to do it in a different way."

"What way?" Kakashi asked, sounding intrigued.

"I wish to celebrate every holiday, whether it be large or small." Gai said.

"That's a good idea!" Kurenai said. "I will do the same!"

"I believe that will be a healthy decision for all of us." Kakashi said. "We can't completely dedicate our lives to being ninjas. There has to be time for celebration on occasion."

"And why should WE have all the fun?" Asuma said passionately.

"What do you mean?" Gai questioned.

"We should get our students in on this resolution as well!" Asuma replied.

Gai laughed in Asuma's face, but then stopped when he realized that Asuma was far from joking. He cleared his throat. "Well, I thought that was a given." He admitted.

"So it's settled!" Kurenai said. "From this day forth, we will celebrate every holiday there is! Let's be sure to tell our students!"

"Well, how about we tell them in the morning?" Kakashi suggested, looking at his watch. "It's midnight after all."

"Good idea!" said Asuma.

They all stood up to part ways, but they noticed that Gai was not moving from his spot.

"What is it, Gai?" Kurenai said, noticing that a shadow had covered half his face.

"You forgot." He said.

"What?" said the other three simultaneously.

"YOU ALL FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR!" Gai screamed as he got up and punched the group as one big odor and set them into the woodworking of whatever building they were in.

The confused teachers crawled through the hole they had created with their mass and looked at each other with puzzled expressions.

Gai clenched his fist dramatically. "It is the anniversary of my birth!" he announced.

"Oohh…" said everyone with a pained expression.

"Sorry about that, Gai…" said Asuma as he got up and put a hand on Gai's shoulder.

"It's all right…" Gai moaned as the tears flowed freely down his cheeks. "Most people become so preoccupied with the new year that they don't bother to remember my birthday!"

Gai began to sniff pathetically so Kurenai handed him a hanky. He blew his nose loudly and unrealistically and, just as unrealistically, he handed the hanky back to Kurenai who politely declined it, allowing Gai to keep it forever, or at least until he washed it.

"Well, I believe that now is the perfect opportunity to start our ambitious resolutions to celebrate all holidays in the year!" Asuma said.

"I believe you're right." Kakashi agreed.

"Let's throw Gai a big birthday bash!" Kurenai said enthusiastically.

"Really?" said Gai with a pathetic sniff. "You mean it?"

"What are friends for?" said Asuma as he patted Gai on the back.

"Not to mention that this would be a perfect excuse to gather all our students together to make the announcement that we'll be forcing them to celebrate all the holidays of the year with us." Kakashi added.

"All right!" said Gai. "I agree! Birthday bash! Tomorrow! Six o'clock! My place! Be there with your students!"

"You got it, Gai!" said Asuma. "We'll be there!"

The four then revved up all their energy and punched the air, freezing in that position and then turning into a drawing.

**OMG OMG OMG OMG OMFG! This is our 50th story submitted to this site that cannot be named because URLs disappear. Just look in the upper left hand corner of your window and you'll figure out where you are. Anyway, we mainly just wanted to announce that to the world and let everyone know how excessively proud we are of ourselves. But then again, considering we've been members for almost five years, it's not really anything to be proud of. OH WELL! Thank you kindly, world. And we hope someday to write another crazy 50 and then we'll have... do the math... 100! That's just outrageous! Anyway, enough with random blather.**


	2. Gai's Birthday Bash

Chapter 2- Gai's Birthday Bash

"Okay, so I've been doing some research…" Kakashi whispered to Gai as the four teachers stood over in the corner of the party. They were all wearing party hats and acting very suspicious as the students stared at them from the other side of the room.

"Research on what?" Asuma asked quietly.

"Well, apparently January is Hobby Month." Kakashi answered, pulling out a clipboard. "What other holidays are in January?" He flipped a page over to reveal a small calendar for the month of January. "Besides New Year's and Gai's birthday of course."

"Shino's birthday is on the twenty-third." Kurenai said, pointing that the named date.

"Oh, okay." Kakashi said, neatly and carefully scribing 'Shino's Birthday' on the twenty-third.

"Oh!" said Gai. "National Weigh-In Day is on the 10th! It's the day in which you measure your height and weight and find out whether or not you're at a healthy weight for your height and if you're NOT, you must strive to become so!"

"Gai…" said the other three, sounding irritated.

"Excuse us!" said Sakura loudly from across the room. "But what are you four talking about over there?"

Kakashi quickly hid the clipboard behind his back as they all stood up straight, whistling innocently. "Nothing!" they chimed.

"Oh come off it." Said Sasuke. "We know that you guys are planning a new creative way to torture us so just fess up and tell us."

The teachers frowned at each other. "It's not torture." Kakashi protested.

"What is it then?" Kiba said.

"It's FUN!" said Gai as he grabbed a noisemaker and proceeded to use it. Extensively.

"Last night, the guys and me were thinking—" Asuma began, but he was interrupted by Kurenai clearing her throat. He paused and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Last night, the guys, Kurenai and I were thinking—"

"You might as well just say our names." Said Gai. "Instead of lumping Kakashi and I together as 'the guys'."

"Does it matter?" Asuma said.

"Yes!" said Gai. "It's my birthday!"

"Get on with it!" commanded Ino.

"FINE." Said Asuma. "Last night, Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai and I were thinking about how we hardly ever got together and celebrated!"

"Oh yeah!" said Lee. "I forgot that today is New Year's!"

The teachers slapped their cheeks and shrieked in terror so they resembled that weird painting.

"They're almost beyond help!" said Kurenai. "They're only children and they still have lost sight of holidays and celebrations!"

"Oh no." said Neji, slapping his forehead. "I think I know where this is going."

"I HIGHLY doubt that!" said Gai as he adjusted his party hat and dramatically spun in circles while pointing at everyone individually. "For my compadres and I have developed the perfect way to preserve your youth!"

"I knew it." Neji sighed.

"This is going to be a special year." Kakashi said. "We are going to celebrate every holiday. Every one."

"Even the random obscure ones?" said Chouji.

"Even Kwanzaa?" Naruto added.

"Um…" Kakashi said. "You know, birthdays, mainstream holidays… and each month has a theme that we'll dedicate a day for celebration."

"So what are we required to do for this?" Shikamaru asked.

"When we call you for a special holiday meeting, you will come, no questions asked, and celebrate!" Kurenai said. "Very much like what you did today when you came to celebrate Gai's birthday!"

"Yay me!" said Gai as he grabbed a giant knife to cut the cake.

"I have also just thought up something fun on the spot!" Asuma said, pointing his finger up in the air. "For the birthday…whoever is celebrating their birthday must keep in mind that they must plan the party for the next person who celebrates their birthday! For example, Gai must plan Shino's party!"

Shino just stood there. He was like; "No." but not really.

"And then Shino must plan a party for whoever is next?" Gai said.

"Yes!" said Asuma.

"What a wonderful idea!" said Kurenai.

"So let us continue with the celebration!" Gai said. "It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to! But I don't want to so let's PAR-TAY!"

With that, Gai commenced in dancing to no music.

While the other teachers frantically searched for some music to put on so Gai wouldn't look so foolish, the students congregated to talk about their horrible fate that would last an entire year.

"It won't be that bad…" Hinata said nervously. "After all, it's just a few days out of the year…"

"They can't do this to us." Sasuke said, completely disregarding and ignoring Hinata. "It's bad enough they make us do stupid competitions but this is just crossing the line. They're just torturing us and disguising it as 'fun'. I don't do 'fun'."

"If you have THAT attitude then of course it's not going to be fun!" said Tenten, but Sasuke glared at her. She knew that such a glare meant, "Be quiet, woman!" because, after all, she has Neji on her team.

"I don't know…" said Naruto, crossing his arms. "It might be kinda fun… especially for people like me who usually have to spend holidays alone!"

"Who says I want someone random planning my birthday party?" Sakura demanded.

"I think that person is going to be Shino." Kiba said, pointing at Shino.

Shino was like; "No." But he didn't say it out loud. But you could tell he was THINKING it.

"Yeah!" said Sakura. "Even more so! Why should THAT have to happen? I doubt Shino knows how to plan a birthday party!"

"Probably not." Said Kiba with a nod, looking at Shino.

He was like, "No." but once again, it was in his head.

"HEY!" screamed Gai as he leapt into the group of preteens, with the exception of Neji, Lee and Tenten who ARE teens. "What do you guys think your doing just standing around and not party-hartying with me on my coming of age?"

With that, Kurenai finally found a CD and shoved it into the CD player. Immediately, a hip song that everyone was into started playing.

"I have a question." Neji said.

"Go ahead!" said Gai.

"No amount of convincing or complaining is going to change your mind away from forcing us to celebrate holidays with you guys, right?" Neji said.

Gai thought about that for a moment. "Right." He said.

"All right." Neji said. "I just wanted to know before I bothered trying."

"You can't just give up like that!" gasped Tenten.

"TENTEN!" yelled Lee as he grew ten times his size and clenched his fist with passionate youth. "YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT THIS HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH ATTITUDE!"

"Eek!" said Tenten as she dove under the coffee table.

"Well said, Lee!" said Gai, wiping tears from his eyes. "Everyone should follow your lead!"

The students, as well as the teachers, rolled their eyes.

"Who's up for a little piñata?" said Kakashi as he whipped a piñata that was attached to a fishing pole out from behind his back.

"OH!" said Gai. "ME!" He grabbed a blindfold and a large metal pole that he had sitting in the corner just in case someone were to bring him a piñata. He put the blindfold on and began madly and blindly swinging the pole in every direction so Tenten had to share her cover under the coffee table.

"See?" said Kurenai to the students. "We're already having LOADS of fun!"

"And the next holiday on the calendar will prove to bring us even more fun!" said Asuma, taking the clipboard from Kakashi and flipping it to the correct page only to find the words 'Weigh-In Day' messily scribbled in on the tenth.

After staring at it for a second or two, he turned red and fumed with anger as the sound of kettle whistling was heard in the distance.

"WE ARE NOT CELEBRATING WEIGH-IN DAY AGAIN!" he screamed, flailing his arms around as he destroyed the coffee table. This caused Gai to pull the blindfold aside and look at the destruction that had occurred.

"How depressing…" he frowned. "You owe me a new coffee table!"

"All right, let's just take a look at what holiday is ACTUALLY next." Said Kakashi as he picked up the discarded clipboard.

"But I want to celebrate National Weigh-In Day!" whined Gai. "It's my birthday so you have to do what I say!"

"It won't be your birthday tomorrow." Kakashi pointed out.

"So the next holiday is…Martin Luther King Jr. Day?" Kurenai read, looking over Kakashi shoulder.

Everyone looked uneasily at each other.

"Hey, how about we just skip that one?" Asuma said.

"Yes!" said Kurenai, clearing her throat. "And we'll just go straight to Shino's birthday! Aren't you excited, Shino?"

Shino's like; "No."

"And don't forget, Gai!" said Asuma. "It's YOUR job to plan his party!"

"I would never forget!" Gai said, giving everyone the thumbs up. "I guarantee that Shino will have by far the most youthful birthday party EVER!"

"So we shall all meet again like these on the twenty-third of January to celebrate the anniversary of Shino's birth." Kakashi declared.

There wasn't much more to the party before the students were set loose.

"What are we supposed to do until the twenty-third?" complained Kiba as he and Shino walked Hinata home like they ALWAYS do.

"I think the idea is that we go about life as normal, except we meet up with our teachers and everyone else from time to time to celebrate a holiday." Hinata said.

"That's dumb." Kiba said. "They should just compress all the holidays into one day and we'll have some kind of crazy SUPER day."

"That would be interesting…" Hinata admitted.

"So, Shino, Gai's going to be planning your birthday…" Kiba nodded. "I wonder who will end up planning my birthday?"

"Uh…" Hinata said hesitantly. "I think Neji's birthday is a few days before yours is…"

"Neji?" said Kiba as he deflated with unhappiness. "My birthday party is going to be the worst ever! So much for the crazy SUPER day!"

Meanwhile, Naruto was trying to walk Sakura home while Sakura was trying to walk Sasuke home while Sasuke was trying to walk himself home.

"I personally think this holiday thing is stupid!" Sakura said. "I mean, I want to celebrate holidays with my family, not my teacher! You guys two, right?"

Naruto and Sasuke both glared at Sakura.

Sakura took a moment to register that and then she promptly lowered her head.

"Uh…" she said. "What I meant was…uh…"

"Don't worry about it, Sakura!" said Naruto.

"Worry about it." Sasuke said.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "Don't be mean to Sakura for no reason!"

"It wasn't for no reason." Sasuke said. "Or do I have to remind you of her previous stupidity she just insulted us with?" Sasuke then paused and frowned. He had accidentally put himself and Naruto in the same category. And now he was sad. "I'm going home."

With that, he separated himself from the other two.

"I'll walk you home, Sakura!" Naruto offered.

"Don't bother, Naruto." Sakura whined as she trudged off as well.

Meanwhile, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji were walking in the direction of their houses and whoever got to their house would be officially walked home.

"They better not make this not fun." Ino said. "Watch them. They will. They'll turn every holiday into a competition!"

"Yeah…" Chouji said. "Like… for Valentine's Day…whoever can make the most valentines wins!"

"Talk about idiotic." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Even though I would totally win that!" Ino said.

"Whatever, Ino." Shikamaru said with an even more intense roll of his eyes.

"Shikamaru, you better not slack off when it's time to plan my birthday party!" Ino threatened.

"Oh yeah!" said Chouji. "And he'll only have one day to plan it, too!"

"Come on, Ino." Said Shikamaru. "You actually think our teachers will keep this going all the way into September?"

"They might." Ino crossed her arms. "Not everyone is as lazy as YOU are!"

"Why does this always come back to me being lazy?" Shikamaru asked, annoyed.

"Because you are just SO lazy and it is SO apparent that obviously it will all come back to your horrendous laziness!" Ino declared.

"WhatEVER, Ino!" said Shikamaru, sounding awfully exasperated.

Chouji could only chuckle warmly.

Meanwhile, Neji, Lee and Tenten were all standing outside Gai's house. They hadn't begun to walk home because they all lived on separate ends of the village and there's no way any of them would be walking each other home so they had to get all their complaining done while it was still convenient.

"And so that's my SIXTH piece of evidence as to why this is outrageous and unfair!" Tenten finished.

"How long are you going to go on for?" Neji asked.

"I was just going to go on until you guys left." Tenten admitted. "I was surprised that you stayed this long."

"That is enraging, Tenten." Neji frowned.

"I was just trying to be polite!" Lee announced.

Just then, the door flung open. "STUDENTS OF MINE!" Gai screamed.

The three of them WOULD have scattered like roaches under the light if not for the fact that Gai grabbed them and pulled them into a big bear hug.

"Isn't this a great idea?" he said. "I just know we'll have the best year ever bonding and becoming best friends EVER!"

"WE SHALL, GAI!" yelled Lee.

"Uh…Gai?" said Neji. "You're crushing my organs."

"Sorry about that!" said Gai as he let go of them. "But I am just so happy and I can't contain it!"

"That's great Gai." Said Tenten as she started backing away from him, and Neji and Lee followed.

"Hey!" Gai yelled, pointing at them. "Just because my fellow teachers are not going to celebrate National Weigh-In Day doesn't mean that I'm not! It is an extremely important holiday to make sure you are in perfect physical fitness! So, on January 10th, when I show up with a scale at training, expect a thorough investigation!"

The three sighed and nodded. Lee knew he wouldn't let Gai down and would, once again, strive to be in tiptop condition for the tenth!

Tenten was glad that it would only be there team because she didn't want the entire world knowing her weight.

As for Neji, he now knew when his sick day was.


	3. Apparently It's Shino's Birthday

Chapter 3- Apparently, It's Shino's Birthday

"You know, Gai…" Kurenai said to Gai on the eve of the twenty-third. "It's going to be really difficult to throw Shino a surprise birthday party…"

"What?" gasped Gai. "You think I couldn't pull it off? You don't think I'm sneaky enough?"

"It's not that…" Kurenai started.

"You don't think Shino could be surprised?" Gai tried.

"Well, actually…" Kurenai began again.

"Or is it that you don't have faith in my ability to plan a surprise party?" Gai said, beginning to weep.

"GAI!" Kurenai said. Gai was immediately silenced and he gestured for Kurenai to speak. "The reason why I don't think a surprise party would be best is because… well… Shino KNOWS that you planned a birthday party for him. Even if he WASN'T Shino, I doubt you could surprise him."

Gai snapped his fingers. "Curses!" he said. "And I've been planning this celebration ever since January 11th!"

"January 11th?" Kurenai raised an eyebrow.

"Yes!" said Gai. "The day after National Weigh-In Day! I can only be concerned with one holiday at a time!"

"Okay, Gai, whatever." Said Kurenai, taking a deep breath. "This is my advice. Drop the whole surprise aspect of the party and just make it a regular birthday party."

"Oh…all right…" said Gai sadly. "But it was going to be such a surprise! It would have been perfect!"

"I'm sure it would have been." Said Kurenai, putting a comforting hand on Gai's shoulder.

The next morning…

Shino was lying in his bed, fast asleep. He sleeps with his jacket and his sunglasses on, just so you know. In fact, he even sleeps with his shoes on so he doesn't have to be bothered with taking them off at night and putting them on in the morning! That Shino is so clever.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

Shino immediately sat up. Hm…maybe he wasn't sleeping in the first place…

"Who is it?" he said in his 'calling' voice.

"It's me." Said Shino's father as he opened the door.

"Okay." Said Shino as he waited for his father to explain himself. "What would you like?"

"You have a group of people waiting for you in the front yard." Shino's dad said.

Shino got up out of bed and walked to the window. He looked down at the yard to see all his peers and their teachers waving banners and wearing party hats while yelling for Shino to come out.

"Apparently, it's your birthday." Shino's father said.

"Apparently." Shino agreed.

He went downstairs and opened the door.

Gai waved his arms for everyone to quiet down. He pulled out a tuner and blew into it. Then, everyone burst into a loud rendition of Happy Birthday that almost caused Shino to slam the door in their faces.

"AND MANY MORE!" Naruto said, sliding out on his knees as if he were the main attraction.

When all was done, they all gave heavy sighs.

"Happy birthday, Shino!" said Gai as he clapped his hands.

"You better appreciate it." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms. "We've been up since the crack of dawn."

"Why?" said Shino.

"One of the rules of the holiday experiment we're trying is that everyone must do exactly what the planner says to make the birthday experience absolutely perfect!" Asuma said as he whipped out a scroll that he probably made. "And Gai wanted us to all greet you as you awakened so it was done!"

"Oh yeah." Said Shino. "That holiday thing."

"How could you have forgotten?" Gai said as he nearly collapsed to the ground.

"Are we done?" Sakura asked as she pulled off her party hat.

"NO!" Gai yelled, jumping up straight and readjusting Sakura's hat so it was on straight. "We have to have a party for Shino! Everyone in Shino's house!"

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged. Who was going to deny an open invitation to party and trash someone else's house and make him clean it up after they left? They pushed past Shino and went into his house, set up a disco ball and started up the music before Shino even had time to utter, "Um."

"Sorry about this, Shino." Said Kiba as he pushed Shino inside. "But it's your birthday and it couldn't be helped!"

"Why couldn't it be helped?" Shino said, sounding about as angry as Shino can get, which means there was a slight fluctuation in his voice that implied an emotion other than stoic.

"Shino, we got you this gift!" said Hinata nervously as she handed Shino a box wrapped in blue paper.

Shino took the gift and set it on his lap. He took the effeminate bow off the top and carefully removed the wrapping paper. Then, when all was unwrapped, he opened the box and pulled out an orange shirt.

"Orange?" Shino said.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "Hinata picked it out!"

"I hate orange." Shino said.

"Oh." Said Kiba and Hinata, looking defeated.

"THERE'S the birthday boy!" said Gai as he ran over and leaned on Shino's shoulder. "Are you enjoying the party I planned?"

"This was your plan?" Shino said. "To ambush me and mess up my house?"

"Uh…" Gai said. "Great plan, huh?"

"Sure." Said Shino. "If you're not ME."

"Hey, great shirt!" said Gai, changing the subject. "But I have an even better gift for you! Sorry I didn't wrap it, but I was so busy with planning your party! I hope you'll understand!"

He pulled green spandex out from behind his back and gave them to Shino. Shino stared at the spandex and didn't say anything for a long time.

"Take them!" Gai said since Shino obviously didn't understand that this treasure now belonged to him.

Shino was like; "No."

"Time for the cake!" Kurenai announced as she turned the music down and stopped the disco ball from spinning.

Everyone said, 'Aww…' cause the party was just getting good. But, because it was Shino's birthday, they all gathered around him as the lights went off.

"Do we have to sing again?" came Neji's whispering voice, but Gai promptly hushed him as the singing began again.

"—dear Shiiiiinooooooo," the group sang. "Happy birthday tooooo… yooooooooou!"

"AND MANY MORE!" Naruto shouted in the loudest voice he could muster.

"Make a wish and blow out the candles!" said Kurenai, looking as though nothing could make her more excited than Shino making a wish and blowing out the candles.

His eyes wandered to everyone who was eagerly watching him and waiting for him to commence in the wish making. It's not like they knew he was staring at each of them individually. Some faces were excited, some faces were annoyed, and some faces were saying, "Good GOD just hurry up and make you're wish so I can go home already!"

Shino knew how they felt, so he looked back at the cake that was still being held out in front of him.

He wondered how long this holiday thing was going to last. And, if was only going to last for a few holidays, he wondered why he was cursed with having his birthday being first of the group, causing him to suffer a great amount just so the teachers could prove whatever pointless point they were trying to prove.

So he made the wish that this phase would not last long. The last thing he wanted was have to take orders from some crazy person on what needed to be done to celebrate the next person's birthday.

Then, when everyone least expected it, he blew out the candles.

"YAY!" cheered all those who were likely to cheer.

"Who's up for a piñata?" said Gai as he grabbed a piñata, a long metal pole and a blindfold.

"Uh…how about no piñata this time around?" Kakashi said as he gently took the piñata away from Gai.

"HEY!" said Gai, on the verge of having a temper tantrum. "I'm the one planning this party and if I say there's going to be a piñata then, damn it, there's going to be a piñata!"

"Well, let's ask Shino." Said Asuma. "Shino, do you want a piñata?"

Shino looked at Gai's deranged face.

"Do I have a choice?" he responded.

"Excellent!" Gai exclaimed as he tied the blindfold around Shino's head and handed him the pole. "The birthday boy goes first!"

"I've got a better idea!" said Kurenai. "How about cake!"

"CAKE!" shouted the rest of the party as they stampeded into the kitchen to get a piece of cake.

Shino stood there with the blindfold on and the pole in his hand for a few seconds, waiting for something to happen. Finally, he turned around and lifted the blindfold up to see that the cake was being cut while he stood foolishly in the other room.

"Shino, get in here!" said Gai, waving his arms. "You have to have the first piece because you're the birthday boy!"

Shino put down the metal pole and went into the kitchen. "Stop calling me that." Shino said.

"Why?" said Gai. "You're the birthday boy so that is what I shall call you!"

Shino began to wonder why he had put down that metal pole.

"Here you go, Shino!" said Gai. "A non-end piece with a rose on it! What could possibly be better?"

"I could think of a few things." Shino answered.

Gai, without listening to Shino, served everyone else some cake as well and they all started eating.

"You know…" said Chouji as he held up his plate, asking in his own special way for another piece. "I'm starting to think that this celebration thing isn't going to be that bad! Especially if we get food!"

"Make sure you get enough to eat, Neji!" said Gai as he gave Neji an extra large piece. "I don't want to see you falling into an unfortunate anorexia problem!"

Neji slammed his hand down on the table. "How many times do I have to tell you?" he said. "I do not have an eating disorder and besides, I HATE cake."

"You can use that as your excuse, but we all know that you're just watching your weight!" Lee cried.

"Neji was in the lowest portion of the 25th percentile as of January 10th!" said Gai. "I fear for his health!"

"Don't bother!" said Neji.

Asuma cleared his throat loudly. "While we're all here, let's discuss the next holiday!" said Asuma.

"There's no more holidays in January, right?" said Shikamaru.

"Well, technically no." said Kakashi. "But January is Hobby Month, so we're going to all get together and pay a visit to the Hobby Shop so you can update your hobby supplies or, in the unfortunate case that you might not HAVE a hobby, we'll be sure to get one for you."

"That's ludicrous." Shikamaru said.

"You're just saying that because you don't have a hobby." Kakashi said, and he surely would have stuck out his tongue if not for his obvious restraints.

"Don't worry, we'll fix that soon enough." Kurenai said, patting Shikamaru on the head as if he were a small child.

"So when are we going to have to do that so I can mark my calendar and not plan anything that I might have been doing that day?" Kiba asked.

"Well…I'm all clear for the rest of January." Gai shrugged.

"Me too." Said Asuma.

"I've got a mission from the 27th to the 30th." Kakashi said.

"So let's do it on the 26th." Kurenai said.

"Okay." Said the other teachers. Then, without even making sure it was all right with the students, they wrote the day down on their January calendar.

"And so, Shino's birthday party was brought to a close." Said Gai in a story-telling voice. "Shino, you can't tell me that that wasn't the best birthday party you've ever had."

"It's the only birthday party I've ever had." Said Shino.

"Then it must be the best!" Gai decided.

"Then, by your logic, it must also be the worst." Shino pointed out.

"NO!" Gai yelled, dropping to his knees. "HE'S RIGHT!"

"Gai, it's not that big of a deal…" Kakashi said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Now, Shino, remember you must plan Sakura's birthday." Kurenai reminded Shino. "It's February 28th, and even though that may seem like a long way away, it'll creep up on you fast if you don't start planning early!"

Shino was like, "No."

"You better plan me a great party!" said Sakura, standing up. "Don't just stand there being all like, 'No.' You're planning me a party and it's going to be fun… got that?"

Shino raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I think we have sufficiently trashed Shino's house." Said Gai. "You are all dismissed! Don't forget about training, and most certainly don't forget about our trip to the Hobby Shop on the 26th!"

Everyone ran out of the house in a cloud of dust and flying paper. Shino was left sitting at his kitchen table with his non-end piece with a rose on it.

He turned his head to see his father standing in the doorway that connected the stairs to the bottom floor.

The two of them spent some quality time looking around the room at the mess that had been left, which included the disco ball, the green spandex, the orange shirt and a large uneaten cake with many empty plates and discarded, yet used, forks.

As usual, there was limited conversational exchange in the Aburame household.

"Apparently, Father, it was my birthday." Shino said after a while of sitting in silence.

"Apparently." Shino's father responded.


	4. The Hobby Shop

Chapter 4- The Hobby Shop

The void in between January 23rd and January 26th was not a big one. And, because the students had been forced to gather together just a few days before, it was that much more annoying that they had to do it again. And it was even WORSE because they knew their fate; they were going to the Hobby Shop.

"Here we are." Said Kurenai as they entered the Hobby Shop. She took a big whiff of the air as if they had just stepped out into the freshness of outside instead of a musty old building filled with little trinkets that are annoying.

"Go on!" said Asuma. "Get! Scatter!"

The students trudged off in a less than excited manner.

Naturally they split themselves up into groups. All the girls went together, all the stoic people went together and then all the remaining people went together. Wow! Three groups of four! Isn't that grand?

"This is dumb." Said Sakura as she at her female companions walked down one of the isles that contained everything and more one would need to make a doll from scratch.

"What is?" Tenten asked. "Us being in the Hobby Shop or the entire concept of this holiday thing?"

Sakura paused and considered this. She was actually just talking about being in the Hobby Shop, but she couldn't help but agree that the whole holiday thing was dumb too.

"How long do you think they're going to go on with this?" Ino said with a sigh.

"Until they either get bored or they forget." Tenten replied.

"In other words, there's no way of telling." Sakura rephrased.

Hinata looked at the things in stock as they rounded the corner into the next isle. Mainly, it was just all the cloth to make the clothes for the dolls. She used to collect dolls, but that was a far cry away from making dolls and besides, that was a long time ago.

"So what do you say?" Ino asked. "Should we fall into the stereotypical girl category and buy supplies to make dolls?"

"Whatever." The three girls answered with a shrug as they grabbed a basket and started filling it up with doll making supplies.

Meanwhile…

"Tell me again why we're in the yarn section?" Shikamaru said.

"Because Neji ACTUALLY has a hobby." Sasuke answered, pointing at Neji as he shifted through the balls of yarn.

"So sue me." Neji said as he picked up a gray ball of yarn and inspected it.

"Of all the things that could have been your hobby, you chose knitting?" Shikamaru said with a raised eyebrow.

"It sort of fell into my lap." Neji answered. "I was helping an old woman walk her bags to her car and she left one behind that had knitting things."

"Wait… YOU were helping an old lady walk things to her car?" Sasuke repeated skeptically. It was ALMOST in that tone that suggested it was another way of saying, "Whoa. You USED to be cool."

"You know what?" said Neji. "Screw you guys."

"I'm Shino." Said Shino.

Meanwhile…

"You know what would be totally so much fun!" Lee gasped as he ran over to a shelf and ripped a box that contained a model airplane. He held it up to the other three with wide eyes. "MODEL AIRPLANES!"

"I dunno…" Kiba said as he picked Akamaru up. "Akamaru and I already have a hobby."

"What?" said Naruto. "Sniffing butts and peeing on trees?"

Kiba gaped at Naruto. "How dare you!" he said as Akamaru began to bark at Naruto angrily.

"What do you guys do?" Chouji asked, trying to avoid an argument.

"We paint." Kiba said proudly.

"Are you guys any good?" Lee questioned.

"Of course we are!" Kiba said.

"You wish!" Naruto decided.

"Are you TRYING to pick a fight?" Kiba said angrily, clenching his fist.

Meanwhile…

"We should have given our students a time limit…" Kurenai sighed as she and her jounin pals walked around in a random isle. "I thought the Hobby Shop would be interesting to look around in, but if you're not looking for something in particular then it's not that great."

"Hey!" said Gai. "Turn that frown upside down!"

"I wasn't frowning…" Kurenai started…

…But she was interrupted by Gai. "These adventures are not solely for our students!" he said. "We are also celebrating so therefore we must either discover or rediscover our own hobbies!"

"Hm…" said Kakashi as he picked up a kit for making a kite. "I wonder how hard this would be."

"The question is, would you have any interest in pursuing it as a hobby!" Asuma corrected.

"I've always wanted to take up pottery!" Kurenai said.

"But you'd have to buy a pottery wheel for that…" Kakashi pointed out. "Those are expensive."

"Okay… maybe I could just fool around with some clay." Kurenai said as she picked up a block of clay, only to get disappointed upon looking at the price tag. "Never mind. How about Play-Doh?"

When she checked the price tag of the Play-Doh, she was appeased.

"What about you guys?" Kakashi said to Asuma and Gai as he put his kite kit under his arm.

"I'm going to make a pine car!" Asuma said, holding up a small pine car kit. "And hold my own pine car derby in my backyard!"

"With your one pine car?" Gai said, raising an eyebrow.

"At least I know I'll win!" Asuma said with a nod.

"Okay…" said Gai. "Well, I'm going to make a wooden boat!"

"We'll all be so creative with our new hobbies!" said Kurenai. "Now let's find our students and see if they were as successful as us!"

They went towards the checkout area to discover that the girls all had supplies for doll making, the stoic group all seemed to mutually decide that they wished to knit as well, and the rambunctious group gravitated towards the pine cars just like Asuma, with the exception of Kiba, of course, who brought himself some blue paint and Akamaru some lavender paint.

"Now there's a chance I might not win!" Asuma cursed under his breath.

They went through the painful checkout process and met out in the parking lot.

"Okay…thanks for the hobbies… we'll be leaving now…" said Sasuke as he started walking away. The other students began to creep away as well but their teachers ran up to them and stopped them…OF COURSE!

"And just where do you think you're going?" said Kakashi, crossing his arms.

"We have to begin our hobbies." Kurenai said.

"To my team's training area!" Gai announced.

The massive group somewhat resembled a parade. But it was like a parade of small children who have been walking for too long and are tired and just want to get out of the parade, but know deep down inside their hearts that the parade would not be over for another few miles. What a simile! What a simile!

"Is Asuma really going to make us have a pine car derby?" Chouji frowned to Lee and Naruto. They hadn't learned about this whole pine car derby thing until AFTER they had purchased their pine cars.

"I hope not." Said Naruto. "If he does, then I'm just going to break my car so I don't have to do it anymore."

"I will win!" said Lee enthusiastically as he ripped open his package so all the parts went flying everywhere. He gasped dramatically and tried frantically to catch each one before they hit the ground.

Sasuke got himself some blue, white and red yarn. No, I doubt he was being patriotic to the US of A. It was likely he was going to knit something blue and throw the Uchiha fan in there somewhere. He stared at his knitting needles and then looked over at Shikamaru who had already set up his black yarn on his own needles and began making a scarf.

"How did you start that already?" Sasuke asked. "Is it because you're 'such a genius'?" he added the last part quite sarcastically and with quotation marks.

Shikamaru glared. "No, Neji showed me." He answered.

"Oh." Said Sasuke. He WOULD have felt foolish and maybe even would have apologized if not for the fact that he knew he was so much better than both Neji and Shikamaru combined.

Neji was knitting his gray and white scarf with the greatest of expertise, only pausing a moment to laugh on the inside at Sasuke who was FAR too proud to ask for help.

"Will someone please explain to me why I'm knitting instead of training?" Shino wondered, barely audible.

Of course, Kiba heard him. He looked up from his current attempts at painting, which were getting increasingly difficult since Akamaru was frolicking around with a paintbrush in his mouth covering everything in lavender paint. "Because our teachers are psychotic?" he suggested.

Shino paused from his knitting and then slowly nodded, even adding in a little shrug that suggested he might have been saying; "Oh yeah."

"I think I'm going to raise the same question as Shino!" Sakura announced since she just so happened to overhear Shino as well. She lifted up her sad attempt at stuffing the cloth of the doll. "I thought girls were supposed to have a natural talent at doll making!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if that was our ONLY natural talent…" Tenten sighed as she thought back to all the times that the boys bettered her in… everything.

"But what I'm saying is that I'm totally failing at this." Sakura corrected.

"You totally fail at EVERYTHING!" Ino announced as she held up her perfectly stuffed doll.

"Ino!" yelled Sakura. "How did you do that! That's not fair!"

Ino only laughed at Sakura's expense as she went on to making clothes for her doll.

Hinata tried not to engage in any arguments.

"Hey Hinata, do you want me to paint a face on your doll for you?" Kiba asked, holding up his paintbrush covered in a horrible mix of blue and lavender paint.

Hinata looked uneasily at the paintbrush and then at Kiba. "…That's all right, Kiba…" she said.

"Suit yourself!" said Kiba with a shrug.

"How's your kite coming along, Kakashi?" said Asuma as he vigorously sanded his pine car with intensity that rivaled Lee's training.

"Um…" said Kakashi as he attempted to untangle himself from the string. "Why am I making a kite again?"

"Because you're psychotic?" Shino tried.

Kakashi frowned and continued with his struggle against his new nemesis; the string.

"Am I supposed to be nailing these pieces together?" Gai said in a confused tone as he picked up two pieces of his wooden boat and stared at them blankly.

"I hope no one beats me up and takes my lunch money for playing with Play-Doh." Kurenai said.

"That's my line." Said Shikamaru. "Except I'm knitting, not playing with Play-Doh."

"It's all right, Shikamaru!" said Asuma, wrapping an arm around Shikamaru. "You're a chuunin so no one will try to beat you up! It's not like they could anyway!"

"Well, THAT'S a relief." Said Shikamaru sarcastically.

"Glad to hear!" said Asuma, sounding chipper.

Later that day…

"All right!" said Gai as he stood up and slammed his brand new wooden boat on a desk in front of everyone. "I would like you all to show off what you have created with your new found hobby material! Lee, Tenten, Neji! You three are first!"

Tenten stood up and held a rag doll limply by two fingers as she winced at the sight of it. It wasn't an eyesore; she was probably just disappointed that she had chosen something so stupid to waste her time with.

"This is MINE!" said Lee as held out his green pine car with all the whistles and bells attached. "I call it… THE GAI MOBILE!" His smile went PING! just as one of the wheels popped off. He gasped like a silent movie person and dove to the ground, trying to find the wheel and the mini-hubcap.

"And Neji?" said Gai.

Neji presented his scarf to the gang. It was gray… and white. WOW! But at least it was well made, which is more than can be said for…

"Sasuke?" said Kakashi. "Naruto? Sakura? Let's see them."

Sasuke gave a heavy sigh and showed off the square he had made. It started out loose, got tight in the middle and then got loose off to one side. Almost as if he had decided to go all abstract with it or something…yeah! That was his story and he's sticking to it!

"Take a gander at THIS!" said Naruto so enthusiastically that Shino died a little inside. He showed off his pine car that was decorated so much that it hardly resembled a car anymore. It looked more like a pile of paint, glitter and decals. Everyone clapped to humor him so he wouldn't start angsting.

Sakura confessed to having given up on her doll a long time ago and had only been there for moral support, offering to help pick out colors and whatnot. Kakashi glared at her and stated that, were he not leaving for a three-day mission, he would have severely punished her for ruining Hobby Day.

"Now for MY team!" said Asuma. "Shikamaru, you're first because you're a chuunin."

"HEY!" said Ino and Chouji.

Shikamaru, just wanting to get this all over-with, showed his scarf. Everyone oo-ed and ah-ed and just when they were about to move on to Chouji or Ino, Shikamaru then revealed that he had made a sweater as well… and mittens… and a hat…and socks…

"My god!" said Ino. "You have an entire wardrobe!"

"So can you stop calling me lazy?" Shikamaru requested.

"Yeah right!" said Ino. "You are SO lazy that you just kept knitting because you didn't feel like doing anything else!"

"I just can't win, can I?" Shikamaru said, lowering his head.

"Nope!" said Ino as she turned to everyone else and then showed off her expertise at making dolls. Nothing else can really be said on the matter since the group eagerly awaited the Chouji and last team to show off. Well, maybe it wasn't eager. Maybe it was just because they all wanted to go home.

"And this is…the Cheerio Chariot." Said Chouji as he showed his car to everyone that had little Cheerios glued on it.

"That's clever!" said Asuma.

"Well…I had some stale Cheerios in my pocket…" Chouji shrugged.

"To much information, Chouji." Shikamaru whispered.

"Oh right." Said Chouji, shutting his mouth.

"And finally, MY team!" said Kurenai. "Who's first?"

"Well, I WAS painting a picture but Akamaru kept stepping on it and dripping all his paint all over it so I only sort of have a blob with footprints in it." Said Kiba as he held up a piece of paper that was just as he stated it was. Not to mention the fact that he and Akamaru were both COVERED in paint.

"Kiba, I thought you said painting was your hobby." Said Naruto.

"I just made that up so I would look better than you guys." Kiba said.

"By having a hobby?" Naruto said skeptically.

"Yes." Said Kiba. "By having a hobby."

"Hinata?" Kurenai said.

"Um…here's my doll…" Hinata said. By this time, everyone had seen plenty of dolls so they passed over Hinata's pretty quickly with only a faint, 'Nice job, Hinata!'

"And Shino…" said Kurenai. "Show us your knitting abilities!"

Shino was holding his knitting needles and a half unraveled ball of yarn. "No one taught me how to knit." He said.

"OH SHINO!" laughed everyone. And then there was a pause.

"Okay, I'm leaving now." Said Shikamaru.

"Wait!" said Asuma. "What about OUR projects?"

The students groaned as the teachers got all excited to show off what they had done.

"You all have already seen my wonderful boat!" said Gai as he placed a giant sparkle on the side of his boat so everyone would know just how grand it was.

"And I made this!" said Kurenai as she held up a red ball of paint. They all waited for her to go on. Then she lamely stuck it on the end of her nose. "It's a CLOWN NOSE!"

And silence ensued.

"Kurenai, we don't play with the Play-Doh that way." Said Kakashi, putting his hand on Kurenai's shoulder.

"Sorry…" said Kurenai, bowing her head in shame so the Play-Doh plopped to the ground.

"Anyway," said Kakashi. "I didn't make my kite. I hated it."

"What!" demanded Sakura. "You reprimanded me for not making a doll and now you're going back on it! You're the biggest hypocrite in the world!"

Kakashi thought this over. "…So?" he said.

Sakura's mouth dropped to the ground like a cash register, and she realized there was no point in arguing with Kakashi.

"And THIS is my pine car!" said Asuma, obviously wanting to save his for last. He held it out and, after all that build-up, everyone was expecting something magical, only to be presented with the plainest car ever. It looked as though he just took it out of the package, painted it wood-color (if he painted it AT ALL) and then put on the window decals.

As everyone stood there with peculiar expressions, they finally told Asuma how lovely it was just so he wouldn't feel stupid.

"Well, students," said Kurenai. "I hope you all have gained something valuable from this experience!"

"Kakashi is a hypocrite!" Sakura said.

"Sakura can't make dolls for beans." Ino added.

"Making dolls is tedious." Tenten said.

"Um…I need a different hobby?" Hinata suggested.

"I never want to see a pair of knitting needles again." Sasuke said.

"Ino's never going to give me a break." Shikamaru said.

"Maybe I need to broaden my color horizon…" Neji tried.

"I didn't." said Shino.

"I must be more careful when opening things!" Lee announced, pointing his finger up in the air.

"Stale Cheerios do not taste good!" Chouji said.

"I need more decals…" Naruto said.

"When you mix lavender and blue, it makes a gross greenish-brownish color." Kiba said, sticking out his tongue.

"Uh…" said the teachers, all looking at each other for answers.

"Well, whatever!" said Gai.

"I'm sure you're all eager to know when the next holiday is!" said Asuma. The students looked less than excited. "Groundhog Day! February 2nd! We require that you all meet us in this very spot at 5:00 AM on that date!"

"Groundhog Day?" said Neji, sounding absolutely dumbfounded.

"Do we have a groundhog?" Naruto questioned.

"We'll get one." Gai assured them.

"And we'll also take this opportunity to remind Shino that he has to plan Sakura's birthday party!" Kurenai said.

"Don't forget, Shino." Kakashi warned.

"Yeah, Shino!" said Sakura. "Don't forget!"

"Whatever." Said Shino.

"Not 'whatever'!" Sakura yelled. "_Don't forget!"_

"Whatever."


	5. Groundhog Day

Chapter 5- Groundhog Day

"This has got to be the lamest holiday in the world."

It didn't really matter who said that, because everyone was THINKING it. They were all sitting at the specified area on the morning of February 2nd. All of them. Well, except Shikamaru.

"Where's Shikamaru?" Ino said finally.

"He's on a mission." Chouji replied.

"What!" demanded Ino. "That's not fair! Why does Shikamaru get to go on a mission when I have to come here and do this random stuff for Groundhog Day?"

"Because Shikamaru is a chuunin!" came a familiar voice. Everyone knew it was Asuma so they didn't even bother looking.

Asuma's jounin pals accompanied him and they were all dressed up warmly and had steaming cups of Joe. Kakashi looked less than enthusiastic, but the other two looked quite happy about Groundhog Day.

"I got home late last night." Kakashi grumbled.

"Partying?" Sakura said, looking confused.

"No." said Kakashi, looking equally confused that Sakura would suggest that. "My mission ran long."

"And yet, somehow you managed to be here on time!" said Gai, nudging Kakashi.

"Yeah, thanks to you." Said Kakashi, rolling his eyes.

"So…" said Kiba. "Where's the groundhog?"

"Kakashi?" said Kurenai, holding out her hand.

Kakashi stared at her hand and then at her face. "What?" he said.

"Did you bring the groundhog?" she asked.

"Didn't you just hear me?" Kakashi said. "I got back from my mission in the wee hours of the morning… this morning!"

"So…what you're saying is that you didn't get a groundhog?" Asuma translated.

The group moaned. They weren't upset about not having a groundhog, they were just upset about waking up this early and congregating for no reason.

"Now, now, students." Said Gai. "Let's not all blame Kakashi at once for ruining Groundhog Day. I'm sure whatever he was doing while he SHOULD have been keeping his promise to us was completely legitimate."

"I was on a mission." Kakashi said, eyeing Gai.

"A LIKELY story!" said Gai.

"Ask the Hokage!" Kakashi retorted.

"I WILL." Gai said.

"In the meantime…" Neji began. "Since there's no groundhog, doesn't that mean we get to go home now?"

"Well, not without a PARTY!" Asuma said.

"A groundhog party?" said all the students.

"No, a Groundhog Day Party!" Asuma rephrased, as if a Groundhog Day Party was that different from a groundhog party.

"At 5:00 in the morning?" said Naruto with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, it's 5:08 now…" said Gai, checking his watch.

"I have an idea!" said Asuma. "Let's go to the Hokage's office and greet Shikamaru as he returns from his mission!"

"And we can also check to see if Kakashi was ACTUALLY on that mission or if he was just blowing off getting that groundhog for us!" Gai added.

"I'm sure Kakashi didn't have evil intentions…" Kurenai said as she held Kakashi back from killing Gai. "And I doubt our students want to see Shikamaru return from his mission." She added as she held the students back from killing Asuma. Yes, Kurenai is multitalented so she can do that.

"So what are we going to do?" sighed Asuma. "We can't let Groundhog Day pass without a celebration!"

"I agree." Said Kakashi. "It is a very important holiday."

"Then you should have brought the groundhog." Gai said under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.

The teachers brainstormed for a little while, but were unable to think up anything to do.

"WELL!" said Kurenai. "I guess that's the end of that!"

"The end of your psychotic desire to unconditionally celebrate every holiday?" Shino tried.

Kurenai gave Shino a hard look, but Shino didn't care.

"No, the end of Groundhog Day." She clarified. "The next holiday on our calendar is Valentine's Day!"

"We'll meet on February 13th, force you to make Valentines and merely encourage you to distribute them on the 14th!" Asuma explained.

"So we HAVE to make them but we DON'T have to distribute them?" Sasuke asked.

"Correct." Gai said.

"Okay, I can live with that." Sasuke nodded.

"And Shino, remember that Sakura's birthday is at the end of the month." Kakashi said.

Shino just stood there. Kakashi waved a hand in front of his face to make sure he was paying attention, so Shino finally just nodded to humor him.

"Don't forget!" said Sakura.

"In addition, February is Random Acts of Kindness Month." Kurenai said. "Some time after Valentine's Day and before Sakura's birthday, we'll have a designated day in which everyone must be unconditionally kind to a random person they pick out of a hat!"

"THAT is unreasonable." Said Neji. But then he paused when he realized that no one else was really objecting and pointing out how unreasonable it was, and THEN he realized that it wasn't unreasonable for anyone except him because he's never nice to ANYONE! But everyone realized THAT.

"Is that all?" Gai said to his jounin friends.

"I do believe that is all." Asuma said.

"Shino." Said Kakashi. "Seriously. Don't forget Sakura's birthday."

"Why do you care so much?" said Shino.

"Because Sakura is on my team." Kakashi answered.

"Fine." Said Shino.

The teams separated.

And then they went home.

**As it turns out, Sakura's birthday is _March _28th, not February 28th. But we're all just going to pretend as though it's in February because we already wrote the chapters and even though that sucks and so do we, it's only SAKURA, so I know everyone will get over it soon enough. **


	6. February 13th

Chapter 6- February 13th

"Geez, you'd think that Shikamaru was a JOUNIN judging by how long his stupid mission has been lasting!" Ino said to Chouji as the two of them walked to the appointed place where the torture would commence on the morning of February 13th. "It's been a week and a half… almost two weeks! No one goes on a mission for THAT long!"

"I think he went all the way to the Sand Village." Chouji said.

"Why?" said Ino. "Why did they have to send Shikamaru to the Sand Village? What's going on over there?"

"I think it was a diplomatic mission." Chouji shrugged.

"So I repeat my question." Said Ino. "Why Shikamaru?"

Chouji shrugged again. "There were a bunch of other people on the mission too. I think Shikamaru was just one of the designated chuunins of the group."

"Hey…" said Ino. "Why do you know all these details of the mission?" Ino demanded. "Shikamaru wouldn't tell me anything even after I bothered him endlessly and even threatened his life!"

"Uh…well…" Chouji started just as they arrived at the training grounds where certainly no training would occur. Chouji didn't have the heart to tell Ino that all he did was ask Shikamaru what his mission was about and Shikamaru easily told him. Chouji guessed that Shikamaru just liked annoying Ino, just like he also guessed that Ino liked telling Shikamaru how lazy he was.

Chouji also didn't have the heart to tell Ino that Shikamaru had gotten back from his mission the night before. When Chouji told Shikamaru that everyone had to make Valentine's Day cards today, Shikamaru just plainly said, "Tell them I'm still on my mission."

Chouji wasn't going to LIE, so he'd just dance around the question and say things like, "I think he went to the Sand Village!" or "I think it was a diplomatic mission!" or "Shikamaru was just one of the designated chuunins in the group!" or some other equally useless piece of information!

"WELCOME students!" said Asuma. "Nice of you to show up! Everyone else has already begun!"

It was quite obvious that the students had separated themselves according to gender. That sort of thing happens naturally, especially when doing something like making Valentines.

"Shikamaru's not back from his mission yet?" Kiba asked as Chouji sat down.

"It was in the Sand Village." Chouji answered.

Akamaru barked and Kiba nodded. "My sister was there when he got back last night." Kiba said.

Chouji swallowed hard.

"Uh…well…last I heard…" Chouji stuttered.

"Less talk!" said Gai as he sprinted over. "More Valentine making!"

Everyone grumbled. It was bad enough that they had to make Valentines, but now that they had the knowledge that Shikamaru was getting out of it, it made it that much worse.

"So, who are you girls making Valentines for?" sang Sakura as she cut out a giant red heart.

"I'm making one for Sasuke!" said Ino.

"I'm making FIVE for Sasuke!" Sakura said.

Ino frowned. "Oh, so it's a competition you want?" she challenged.

"You're on!" Sakura declared. Instantly, both of them started working on their Valentines at top speed.

Tenten sighed at the pathetic sight and then looked at Hinata who was shyly folding some paper so she could cut a symmetrical heart.

"Who's that for?" Tenten asked curiously.

"Oh!" said Hinata as she nearly cut the heart in half. "No one really… our teachers told us we had to make cards so I'm just making them for whoever…"

"No way." Said Tenten.

"What?" Hinata said, turning red.

"When you make a Valentine, you have to have someone specific in mind or else it's just pointless!" Tenten said. "It has to be for a specific person so you can personalize the card to fit that person specifically!"

Hinata looked down at her symmetrical heart. Then she looked at the white piece of paper Tenten had folded in half. "Who is that for?" she questioned.

"I haven't decided yet…" Tenten said dreamily.

Meanwhile, at the table with much more testosterone, there were more problems with making cards than one thought possible. For one, most people didn't even want to make the cards, and others just didn't have feelings for a person in that way… at least not that they were going to admit.

"If we're being forced to make Valentines but are not required to give them out then I'll just make a Valentine for myself." Said Sasuke.

"What's the point?" said Lee. "Every girl in the village is going to give you a Valentine! If anyone should make a Valentine for himself, it should be ME because I've NEVER gotten a Valentine before!"

Everyone was instinctively sad about this.

"I'll just make a Valentine and throw it away as soon as our teachers dismiss us." Neji said.

"Here here!" cheered a few other men.

"Not me!" said Naruto. "I'm making a card for my beloved Sakura!"

"I'm making a card for Sakura as well!" said Lee.

"I'm making a card for YOU, Shino!" said Kiba.

Everyone was quiet and then moved away from Kiba… but especially Shino.

"Geez, I was only kidding." Said Kiba.

"Yeah right." Said Naruto.

"I don't sway that way." Kiba said. "I just wanted to throw a pointless comment in since I do that all the time. It's all your fault for not learning to ignore me by now."

"Still, Kiba, don't make me a Valentine." Shino ordered.

"I already said I was kidding." Kiba said as if Shino was being ridiculously persistent about his request.

"Out of sheer curiosity, Shino, who are you going to make a card for?" Sasuke questioned.

"For my secret lover whom I am engaged to." Shino answered.

Pause.

"Okay…" said everyone slowly.

"I was kidding." Shino said. "I'm making one for my bugs."

Pause.

"Okay…" said everyone slowly.

"I was kidding again." Shino said.

"Stop that!" said Kiba. "It's okay for me to be kidding but you kidding is just weird! Especially twice in a row! Tell us what you're REALLY doing because now I really want to know!"

"I'm doing the same as you guys are." Said Shino. "I'm making a random card and throwing it away upon returning home."

"Oh." Said everyone with a satisfied shrugged.

The group then all looked over at the girl table because they had heard some of the ruckus and had began to grow curious over what could be occurring over there. They saw enormously tall piles that reached to the sky of hundreds of Valentines, all of which were personalized and different, while Ino and Sakura worked vigorously on doubling their pile's size. Hinata and Tenten, meanwhile, were busy trying to keep their heads above the mess so they wouldn't drown in the love.

Sasuke turned around and shook his head. "I don't know what they're trying to prove." He said.

"ONE of those has GOT to be for me!" said Naruto ambitiously.

"You know you're rock bottom when you look at a stack of Valentine's that huge and say, 'One of those have got to be for me' when you secretly know deep down in your heart that none of them are for you." Said Kiba. "Ever."

"It's not so secret." Lee agreed.

"HEY!" said Naruto. "I KNOW that many of them are for me! Why, I wouldn't be surprised if they were ALL for me! Hey, Sasuke, what makes you think they're all for you!"

Sasuke looked at Naruto as if he were stupid. "Well," he said finally. "It's a wild guess."

"Damn straight it is." Said Naruto with a confident nod.

Everyone cleared their throats and tried not to look.

Meanwhile, the teachers were lounging about creating their own Valentines.

"I have finished making my Valentine!" said Gai as he held up the most enormous, lacey, and ridiculously glittered and decorated heart Valentine IN THE WORLD. "But none of you can see it until Valentine's Day tomorrow!"

Kurenai secretly KNEW that this Valentine was for her.

"I've made mine too." Said Kakashi.

Kurenai secretly knew this one was for her as well.

"As have I." Asuma finished.

Kurenai knew this one was for her too. Secretly.

As for Kurenai, she was still living in the past. She made Valentines for pretty much everyone she knew and when she got home, she was going to tape a Hershey's Kiss to each one of them so everyone would remember that her Valentines were SPECIAL and made with LOVE!

"I'm finished too!" said Kurenai as she put her Valentines in a bag.

"STUDENTS!" yelled Gai as he stood up on a chair. He figured that since the four of them were done then everyone else was done as well! "You are now dismissed for the day! What you do tomorrow is up to you, though we highly suggest you pass out the Valentines you made today!"

"That's right!" said Kurenai. "We will not make sure you pass out your Valentines! Tomorrow you are free for LOVE!"

"We will be celebrating Random Acts of Kindness Month on February 21st." Kakashi added.

"That's right!" said Asuma. "So bring your kindness with you on that day!"

The students rose from their seats and exited stage left. As they passed the designated trash receptacle, many people just tossed out the piece of garbage they had channeled very little energy into, though there was a small portion of folks who remained hopeful that their secret (or not so secret) crush would receive the Valentines and confess their love right there on the spot.

Which would soon lead into holding hands, then dating, then making love, then marriage, then children and then growing old, and eventually dying together and having their graves next to each other. Which would, OF COURSE, finish with their souls floating together among the cosmos.

All because of a little Valentine.


	7. Valentine's Day

Chapter 7- Valentine's Day

"SHIKAMARU!" Ino yelled as she pounded on Shikamaru's front door in the wee hours of the morning of February 14th. "SHIKAMARU! GET OUT HERE! I KNOW YOU'RE BACK FROM YOUR MISSION!"

Just when Ino was about to knock down the door with her man-strength, the door suddenly swung open. Shikamaru was standing there in his geeky pajamas and his sleepy hair.

Ino paused, a little in shock at Shikamaru's bedraggled appearance.

"Uh—" she stuttered.

"What?" he said in an annoyed tone. "You wake me up early and all you do is stand there and say 'uh'?"

"Um…" Ino said. "Well, I finally got the truth out of Chouji! You came back the night before last night! Which means you missed our Valentine making adventure! And are you aware that you also missed Groundhog Day!"

Shikamaru only stared at her.

"Don't you have anything to say for yourself!" Ino demanded.

"No." Shikamaru said.

"Well?" Ino said as she tapped her foot.

"Well what?" Shikamaru said.

"Where's my Valentine?" Ino demanded.

"Your Valentine?" Shikamaru repeated. "Are you serious?"

"Yes!" said Ino. "Where's my Valentine?"

"I didn't make you one." Shikamaru answered truthfully.

"Fine!" said Ino. "Get dressed because you're helping me deliver my Valentines to Sasuke!"

Much argument ensued but Shikamaru's father finally opened the window and yelled at Shikamaru to appease the woman so he could get back to sleep. Shikamaru grumbled a bit, retreated to his room and got dressed, descended the stairs and went into the front yard where he found Ino with a little red wagon overflowing with Valentines.

"Why do you need me to do this?" he complained.

"I don't." Ino said. "But I feel as though that since you missed the card making experience, you're going to help me now!"

"How is that at all a fair trade?" Shikamaru came very close to whining.

"Oh shut up!" said Ino as she gave the handle of the wagon to Shikamaru and ordered him to pull it.

"Are you doing this because I didn't make you a Valentine?" Shikamaru frowned.

"That has NOTHING to do with it!" Ino announced.

He complained the whole way, in the form of sighs and moans, never saying outright that he was enraged that Ino dragged him out of bed so he would pull a wagon overflowing with Valentines for Sasuke just so she wouldn't have to do it. On the way over to Sasuke's house, however, they passed Kiba and Shino who were strolling by.

Well, actually, Shino was walking at a quickened pace and Kiba was telling Shino to slow down so he wouldn't have to walk so fast to keep up with him, while also saying things like, "Haha! It's almost as if you're TRYING to lose me!"

"Good morning!" said Ino as she put her hand out for Shikamaru to stop.

Shino and Kiba looked Ino up and down and then waited for something to happen.

Ino was obviously expecting some Valentine's Day cards.

Shino was expecting to be left alone.

Kiba was probably expecting fire works. Or an explosion.

"Well?" Ino said, putting her hand out.

Akamaru, who had currently been residing on Kiba's head, put his paw out on Ino's.

"Good boy, Akamaru!" said Kiba.

"Ew, no!" said Ino. "Didn't you guys make me Valentines?"

"Um…" said Kiba and Shino, looking at each other uneasily. They all continued standing there in awkward silence for a little while before Shino and Kiba finally decided that enough time had passed and Ino had SURELY forgotten about their presence so they slowly began tiptoeing away until they were out of sight.

"Those guys!" said Ino angrily. "I can't believe they didn't make me a Valentine!"

"Did YOU make THEM Valentines?" Shikamaru said with a raised eyebrow.

"No." said Ino. "But it's different when a guy makes a Valentine for a girl as opposed to when a girl makes a Valentine for a guy!"

"Oh." Said Shikamaru sarcastically. "Thanks for the insight."

"Anyway, let's continue our journey to Sasuke's house!" Ino said.

Shikamaru sighed and nodded, continuing to pull the wagon no matter how foolish he looked, as Ino continued to march in front of him like a tyrant. Off in the distance, they spotted a familiar team; Tenten, Lee and Neji!

"All right!" cheered Tenten as she pulled two Valentines out from behind her back and presented each of them to Neji and Lee. "I made these for you guys!"

"WOW!" exclaimed Lee as he gleefully took his. "Thanks, Tenten!"

"Whatever." Said Neji as he took the Valentine and tossed it behind him as if Tenten wasn't standing right there. Tenten sort of expected him to do it so that's why she only folded a piece of paper and wrote 'Neji' on the front with a brown Crayola marker.

"And THESE are for you guys!" said Lee as he handed cards to Tenten and Neji.

"Thanks Lee!" said Tenten. "That was so nice!"

"Whatever." Said Neji as he threw Lee's card behind him.

Lee and Tenten stared at Neji for a moment.

"What?" said Neji.

"Okay, so now only do you throw away the Valentines we made for you while we're standing right here but you didn't even make us Valentines too?" said Tenten.

"Well duh." Said Neji. "You all saw me NOT make Valentines yesterday."

Tenten and Lee gave heavy sighs.

"Hi!" said Ino as she frolicked up with Shikamaru less than frolicking behind her.

"Hi Ino!" said Tenten. Lee didn't care who it was if it wasn't someone in his universe of obligation, and Neji just didn't care about anyone. Tenten and Ino exchanged friendly Valentine cards, and then Ino proceeded to wait impatiently for Neji and Lee to hand over their cards to HER.

"Oh never mind!" said Ino as she stormed off.

"Ino, how can you expect people to make cards for you if you don't make cards for them?" Shikamaru said as he followed after Ino.

"All I'm saying is that it's a good thing I DIDN'T make cards for them!" said Ino angrily.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"I saw that!" Ino said, pointing at Shikamaru.

Just then Sakura came around the corner.

"Sakura, don't go that way." Ino warned. "Lee's down there, and no doubt he's going to bombard you with Valentines."

"Oh!" said Sakura. "Thanks Ino!"

Ino and Sakura then gave each other Valentines. What a curious relationship those two have!

"So…are those your Valentines for Sasuke?" said Sakura as she nodded at the wagon that Shikamaru was pulling. "Or is Shikamaru just really popular that he needs a wagon to carry around his Valentines?"

"No, those are my Valentines for Sasuke." Said Ino, laughing at the mere thought of those Valentines belonging to Shikamaru.

"Well, I'll have you know that I already dropped my cards off at Sasuke's house!" Sakura declared.

"Good to know you wasted your time!" said Ino. "Because I doubt Sasuke will read them once he gets all MY cards!"

"You wish, Ino!" said Sakura angrily as the two of them started fuming.

"I'm continuing, Ino…" said Shikamaru as he pushed between the two girls and went on walking.

Ino watched him walk and then looked back at Sakura. "We'll finish this soon, Sakura!" she said as she chased after Shikamaru. "Hey, Shikamaru! That was rude! I was in the middle of battling Sakura!"

"And I was in the middle of sleeping." Shikamaru retorted.

"Fine, fine…" Ino sighed.

"SHIKAMARU! INO!"

The two spun around to see Chouji running up to them as fast as his legs could carry him. After waiting for a bit, he finally caught up and bent over so he could now catch his breath.

"Are you guys making rounds to deliver Valentines Day cards?" Chouji asked.

"Actually—" Shikamaru began.

"Yes!" said Ino. "I was taking my cards to Sasuke's house and Shikamaru volunteered to help!"

"That was nice, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

Shikamaru almost deflated.

"So, Chouji, I don't doubt that YOU made Valentines!" said Ino.

"Me?" said Chouji. "I don't have a girlfriend!"

"You don't have to have a girlfriend to make a Valentine!" said Ino. "You could just give them to people you care about! Like me!"

"Oh." Said Chouji. "Okay! I'll keep that in mind for NEXT Valentine's Day."

"You are unbelievable." Said Ino as she slapped her forehead. But luckily, she was quickly distracted. "Hey, there's Hinata!"

It was Ino's turn to run over to Hinata because, upon hearing her name shouted, Hinata jumped up in the air and gasped, but was relieved to see that it was Ino approaching her.

"Good morning, Ino." Said Hinata. And with that, the girls exchanged Valentines.

"What is it with girls and Valentines?" Shikamaru sighed under his breath.

"Oh I don't know." Said Chouji.

"So who's getting those Valentines?" Ino asked, pointing at Hinata's stack of Valentines.

"Oh…just people…!" Hinata said nervously.

"Just people?" Ino said slyly. "Well, we've passed by pretty much everyone already so if you head down that way then I'm sure you'll find whoever you're looking for!"

"Did you pass Sakura?" came Naruto's voice as he literally came out of nowhere and frightened everyone.

"Naruto!" gasped Hinata as she turned red. She was hugging her pile of Valentines and, just when it appeared as though she was going to do something with them, she lowered her head and sprinted away as fast as she could.

The foursome watched her go.

"Hinata is so weird!" Naruto decided. "So Ino, did you see Sakura?"

"Why, do you have a Valentine for her?" said Ino.

"Actually I do!" said Naruto.

"What about me?" Ino asked.

Naruto looked like he actually didn't know what to say. "Why would I make one for you?" he said finally.

"Oh just GO!" Ino yelled as she punted Naruto.

After Naruto was disposed of, Ino stomped back over to Shikamaru and Chouji who were still standing idly by. "Let's take these Valentines to Sasuke!" she said.

Shikamaru and Chouji shrugged at each other and followed Ino, watching out for the large Ino-sized indentations in the sidewalk that she was creating with her stomping. When they finally reached the Uchiha household which was, of course, Sasuke's, they found that there was a sign on the gate that said, "NO VALENTINES" yet there were hundreds of letters scattered about the yard and in front of the house.

A cold Februarian wind blew by, and it seemed to pick up all of Ino's letters as well as the ones already on the ground and swirl them all together into one big mass of Valentines that would never be opened.

Ino lowered her head.

"All right." She said. "I'm done."

She trudged away with not nearly as much pep.

Shikamaru and Chouji looked at each other and realized that Ino could not be left alone like this.

"Ino!" Shikamaru called as he ran to catch up with her, and Chouji was quick to follow. He didn't know what Shikamaru's plan was, but of course he trusted whatever it was.

"What?" said Ino. "Have a snide remark? I was rejected by every guy after I made so many Valentines!"

"When I said that I didn't make you a Valentine, I was only trying to be difficult." Shikamaru said. "Chouji and I made you this one."

He pulled a Valentine out from his back pocket as Chouji only watched curiously. Ino took the card and opened it up. She read it over and then looked back at Shikamaru and Chouji.

"Thanks." She said. "Even though I know that you just picked this up off Sasuke's front yard, it still means something that you were trying to make me feel better!"

Shikamaru put his hands in his pockets. "Whatever." He said.

"But I guess it's okay that you guys didn't make me a card." Ino said. "After all, I didn't make YOU one!"

"That's true." Chouji agreed.

"Fine!" said Ino. "Thanks you guys! I'm going home!"

With that, Ino hopped home, a skip in her step.

"That was a good idea, Shikamaru." Said Chouji.

"Of course." Shikamaru said. "All my ideas are good."

"Oh, and by the way, the next holiday celebration is on the 21st." Chouji said. "The teachers told us to bring our kindness because we're celebrating the fact that February is Random Acts of Kindness Month."

Shikamaru wasn't so proud and happy anymore. "As troublesome as missions are, I hope I get called on another one…" he said.

Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, the four jounin teachers congregated.

"Here are your Valentines, guys!" said Kurenai as she gave her three pals their cards.

"WOW KURENAI!" they exclaimed. "THANKS!"

"No problem!" Kurenai said, accumulating horseshoe eyes as she waited to accept her gifts.

The men only ate their Hershey Kisses.

Finally, Kurenai cleared her throat.

"Um…thanks again?" Kakashi tried.

"What about my Valentines?" Kurenai said, hoping to jog their memories. "I saw you guys making them yesterday!"

"Oh." Said Gai. "I already gave my Valentine to Lee!"

"And I mailed mine to Shikamaru." Asuma answered.

"I dropped Obito's off at his grave earlier." Kakashi finished.

Kurenai's morale dropped to an all-time low. "So…let me get this straight." She said, trying to remain calm. "You two made Valentine's for your favorite student… and you made yours for a friend who has been dead for years…"

"Yeah…" the other three answered.

"BUT YOU DIDN'T MAKE ANY FOR ME!" Kurenai yelled.

"EEK!" the men yelled as they dove for cover.

**PS. To all you folks who have eagerly been asking us about pairrings. You will never see the following realistically portrayed in any of our fanfiction: HinataxAnyone-except-Kiba, ShikamaruxTemari, NejixTenten, SakuraxSasuke, TeachersxStudents or any yaoi pairrings.**

**We're not really saying that we won't do pairrings... who knows how this will end up developing, but if you're searching for those particular pairrings then you will be disappointed. Peace...OUT!**

**(Oh and don't forget. Sakura's birthday this year shall be FEBRUARY 28th, not MARCH 28th. Tee hee.)**


	8. Random Acts of Kindness

Chapter 8- Random Acts of Kindness

"Who will pick the first name?" said Gai as he shuffled through the names in the hat that he had brought from home. It was finally the twenty-first, and Random Acts of Kindness Month was being celebrated early that morning before breakfast had even occurred. "Lee! How about you!"

"YES GAI!" Lee cheered as he leapt up and threw his hand into the hat. Moments later, he emerged and opened up the paper he picked. Just when he was about to spin around and reveal to everyone who it was, the teachers leapt upon him and covered his mouth.

"I think we forgot to mention that it's supposed to be a secret." Kakashi said as they calmly let go of Lee.

"That way, it will seem more random!" said Kurenai. By this time, she had had time to calm down after her Valentine's Day disappointment.

"So keep your paper to yourself!" Asuma said. "It can also be like a game! You have to try to figure out who picked your name!"

"Excellent idea!" Lee praised as he sat down.

Naruto picked a name and made a face.

Shikamaru picked a name and said something that sounded similar to, "This is troublesome."

Kiba picked a name and shrugged.

Sasuke picked a name and gave a discontented sigh.

Chouji picked a name and immediately started thinking.

Shino picked a name and stood there doing nothing. As usual.

Hinata picked a name and blushed.

Tenten picked a name, paused and then remembered who that was.

Sakura picked a name and winced.

Ino picked a name and gave a sigh of relief.

Neji picked a name and his head exploded.

"Well that was quick!" Gai exclaimed. "Now you are all free to run around and commit your random acts of kindness."

Shikamaru raised his hand.

"Yes Shikamaru?" Asuma said.

"Are we required to do this?" he asked.

"YES!" screamed the jounins.

"…Okay…" Shikamaru said, backing away slowly.

Then the students scattered so they could commit their random acts of kindness.

"This is crazy!" Kiba said to Shino. "I mean, how can they expect us to commit RANDOM acts of kindness if we're being forced to do it?"

"I agree." Shino said. "The idea is ludicrous."

"So who did you get, Shino?" Kiba asked.

"We're not supposed to tell." Shino reminded him.

"Oh right." Kiba said. "Well, in that case, I have to go and commit a random act of kindness!"

"I'll come with you." Shino said.

"Really?" Kiba said. "I'd LOVE the company!"

"Okay." Shino replied.

With that, the two left with Kiba leading the way. On their way, Lee suddenly jumped out of a bush.

"HEY GUYS!" he shouted as both Kiba and Shino were taken aback.

"Hey Lee…" they both murmured after collecting themselves.

"Let's all hang out!" he suggested.

"I'm sensing a trend!" Kiba announced. "Everyone wants to hang out with me today!"

"No, I want to hang out with Shino." Said Lee.

"Way to be discrete about who you got." Said Shino, rolling his eyes.

"What do you mean!" Lee said. "I just want to be your friend, Shino! We hardly know each other! So where are we off to?"

"Kiba's picking." Shino replied.

"I'm thinking the pet store…" Kiba said thoughtfully. "I have a good idea on what I should do for my random act of kindness."

Meanwhile, all the girls congregated at Hinata's house and they decided not to keep it a secret; they told each other who they picked.

"So anyway, Tenten, that's my idea!" Ino announced. "I'm going to set you up with someone! Great idea, huh?"

"No!" said Tenten. "I don't find that to be kind at ALL!"

"Trust me, you'll think it's kind once you see who I'm setting you up with!" Ino said.

Tenten gave an exasperated sigh. "This isn't fair…" she whined.

"I could give you some pointers on what you can do for Chouji too!" Ino offered. "After all, I have to be especially kind to you today!"

"Oh, good idea!" said Tenten. "What should I do?"

"Just make him an ENORMOUS dinner." Ino said as if she had already thought about it previously. "He'll appreciate that."

"How are the cookies coming, Hinata?" Sakura asked as she returned from going to the bathroom.

"Pretty good!" Hinata said confidently as she put on oven mitts and pulled the cookies out of the oven. "Do you think Lee will like them?"

"Definitely!" said Tenten. "Lee's such a pig!"

"Have you thought of what Neji would want for his random act of kindness?" Sakura said, not appearing nearly as confident as everyone else as she slumped down in a chair.

Tenten looked uneasy. "Not really…" she said. "I think the nicest thing you can do for Neji is just leave him alone."

"Why did _I _have to get Neji?" whined Sakura.

Just then, Neji walked in. All the girls were promptly silenced just because of his overwhelming presence, but also because they had been previously speaking about him and since they had to stop speaking about him, they now had nothing to speak about.

"Hey Neji!" Tenten said finally, breaking the silence.

He looked around the kitchen and then sighed. "Never mind." He said as he exited the room.

The girls let out their breaths.

"I feel bad for whoever Neji got." Ino said.

"Why?" said Tenten. "Then that person won't have to suffer because he's not going to do anything."

Neji walked back outside. He had quite the difficult time as well.

"Of ALL the names I had to pick…" he said as he clenched the paper in his fist and then threw it to the ground. He stomped out of the Hyuuga complex in search of a small animal to kill in order to alleviate his rage.

"Come on, Shikamaru!" Naruto was shouting as he chased after Shikamaru while holding a shougi board. "Just one game! It'll be fun, I promise!"

Shikamaru was trying not to watch as he continued walking.

"Naruto." Shikamaru said finally as he stopped and turned around, which caused Naruto to crash into him and drop the shougi board. "I am assuming that you picked my name out of the hat and because of that, you think it would be _kind _to offer to play a game of shougi with me because I'm interested in that. However, I have no interest in playing this game with you, especially since you have already stated that you hardly know the rules."

"You ARE smart!" said Naruto.

"So do you want to know how you could be kind to me?" Shikamaru said. Naruto nodded. "Just… leave me alone."

"Seriously?" Naruto said. "You mean that would be the kindest thing I could do? Just… not doing anything?"

"I'm serious." Shikamaru assured him.

"Awesome!" Naruto cheered. "Now all I have to do is wait for the person who got ME to run up and start being kind to me!"

With that, Naruto frolicked around the corner out of sight.

Shikamaru sighed heavily, and then noticed that Neji was just standing there foolishly as if he belonged.

"What?" he said.

"I need help." Neji said.

"I agree." Shikamaru said.

Neji glared at Shikamaru. "What I mean is, I don't know how to be kind to the person I have to be kind to today." He expanded.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Shikamaru asked.

"Well, you're supposed to be smart." Neji said.

Meanwhile, Naruto rounded the corner, looking around for the person who had to be kind to him. He was rather into this Random Acts of Kindness Month! He was just hoping that it wasn't… Sasuke or someone like that! He hoped that maybe Sakura got him! That would be awesome!

"Hi Naruto!" said Chouji.

"Hi Chouji!" said Naruto. "Shikamaru's that way! I was just talking to him!"

"Well actually," Chouji said. "I was just heading to get some lunch! You want to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet? You're the only guy I know who can eat as much as I can!"

"YEAH!" cheered Naruto. "Definitely!" He reached for his money in his pocket, only to find he was flat broke, and almost began to cry.

"Don't worry!" said Chouji. "It's on me!"

Naruto was just about to cheer again, but then he got suspicious. "Say…" he said. "Did you get me for Random Acts of Kindness Month?"

Chouji paused. "Uh…yeah." He said.

"Okay!" said Naruto. With that, the two of them journeyed to the first all-you-can-eat buffet place they could find.

Meanwhile…

"Wow, Hinata!" said Lee happily as Hinata presented a plate of cookies to him. "How randomly kind of you!"

"He's right, Hinata." Said Kiba. "That is awfully randomly kind of you to bring a plate of cookies to Lee of all people!"

Shino slapped his forehead.

"Well…I was just feeling randomly kind…" Hinata blushed. "What are you guys doing in a pet store anyway?"

"Well, I'm getting my random acts of kindness person a puppy!" Kiba announced.

Hinata gasped. "That's so kind!" she said.

"I know!" Kiba agreed. "I couldn't think of anything that would be kinder. I know everyone loves a good puppy, and I'll be sure to pick out the best puppy here! Well, besides Akamaru of course." Akamaru barked to agree.

"Shino, would you like to share these cookies with me?" Lee offered.

"No." Shino said.

"Here, I knitted you a scarf to protect you from the cold February air!" Lee said as he whipped out a green scarf, but Shino only knocked it out of his hand.

"No." he repeated.

"And I brought some hot cocoa!" Lee said, completely undeterred as he pulled some hot cocoa out from behind his back as well.

"No." Shino went on, slapping that aside.

"And a bouquet of flowers!" Lee said as he got down on one knee so it looked awfully similar to a proposal. The people in the pet store tried not to stare, but Lee was shrieking awfully loudly.

"No." Shino said.

"Don't mind him, Lee." Said Kiba. "He's ALWAYS like this."

"Sniff…" Lee said, looking at all his discarded kindness.

Meanwhile…

"Okay…" said Neji as he stood up after his talk with Shikamaru. "I'll try. But this conversation never happened."

"What conversation?" Shikamaru said as Neji walked away. Now he could FINALLY relax.

Little did he know, but Tenten and Ino were sitting in the bushes.

"You're setting me up with Neji?" Tenten whined.

"No!" said Ino. "I'm setting you up with Shikamaru!"

Tenten paused.

"You're setting me up with Shikamaru?" she said in an equally whiny tone.

"Come on!" Ino laughed. "It'll be fun and kind at the same time!"

"How is it fun for me?" Tenten said. "And I don't think imposing a relationship on me and Shikamaru is very kind at all!"

"Just go out there and talk to him!" Ino urged as she booted Tenten out in the open.

Shikamaru sat up immediately to see who had rudely intruded THIS time, only to see Tenten. So he was all like; ?

And Tenten was all like!

And he was like: O.o

And Tenten was like: …

And Ino was like; : )

So Ino strolled off, letting nature run its course. She whipped out a notepad and tried to evaluate what she had seen so far so she could try to figure out who had her.

"Let's see…" she said. "It could be… wow! ANY of the guys!"

She frowned.

Just then, Sakura walked up. "Ino have you seen—" she started.

"That way." Ino said, pointing in the direction that Neji walked in.

"Great!" said Sakura. "I think I thought of a great idea!"

With that, Sakura sprinted off.

When she finally stumbled upon Neji, she suddenly didn't feel so bold anymore, so she just continued to walk behind him. He totally knew she was there the whole time, so he stopped walking to show her that he _knew_.

"Um…" she said, approaching him and taking a deep breath, ready to be blunt and straight with him. "I got you for Random Acts of Kindness."

"Okay." He said.

"So…" Sakura went on. "I have to do something randomly kind for you."

"I see." Neji nodded.

He certainly wasn't making it easy to perpetuate conversation.

"So, instead of me doing something that you will undoubtedly hate, how about you just tell me what you would find to be kind, and I'll do my best to do that!" Sakura offered.

"Well," Neji said. "As it turns out, I got you for Random Acts of Kindness. And I was going to suggest the same offer."

"Oh." Said Sakura with a nod.

"Any ideas?" Neji said.

"Well…" Sakura twiddled her fingers. She battled internally with herself on whether she should say it or not… but it finally just came out. "I've always kinda… wanted to play with your hair!"

Neji blinked.

Then he blinked AGAIN.

"And it would be kind of you to let me…" Sakura went on.

Neji felt like breaking something… no, KILLING something.

"And for your act of kindness to me, you could NOT touch my hair." Neji said finally after he evaluated the situation to avoid killing or breaking anything.

"That's not fun…" Sakura said. "Because then you're not being kind to me."

Then a light bulb appeared above Neji's head. "How about this." He said. "The next time Lee asks you out on a date, you accept."

"WHAT!" demanded Sakura. "How is that…!"

"I'm tired of him complaining that you never accept his dates and how he's never been on a date." Neji said. "If you went out with him once, I'd never have to listen to him again."

Sakura frowned. "Fine…" she said. "But you have to let me play with your hair!"

Neji took a deep breath, turned around and gentle fisted a tree, causing it to explode. Sakura took a nervous step backwards, and then Neji sat down with his arms crossed.

"Fine." He said.

"Yay!" cheered Sakura.

Meanwhile…

"Um…"

"Um…"

Tenten and Shikamaru were still just sitting there staring at each other.

"Um…"

"Sorry…" Tenten said finally as she stood up. "This is all Ino's fault. She tried to set me up with you as her random act of kindness."

"Uh…huh…" Shikamaru said with a raised eyebrow.

"For her sake, just say we hung out for a little while, realized we had little in common and then called it off, okay?" said Tenten as she got up and ran away as Shikamaru continued to sit there.

Tenten decided that that was one of the MORE embarrassing things in her life so she was going to try to forget it by making Chouji his large meal. So she imposed herself on the Akimichi household and requested the use of their large kitchen, explaining in detail about the Random Acts of Kindness Project they were being subjected to. The Akimichis were accommodating and allowed Tenten to do whatever she wished.

Meanwhile…

"I'm glad we finally ditched Lee!" said Kiba as he and his team strolled down the street. He had a new puppy on his shoulder while Akamaru trotted by his side. "It always seems to end up being us three!"

"Yeah…" Hinata agreed.

"So why did you think Lee was hanging out with us anyway?" Kiba wondered out loud. "He certainly was being nice to YOU Shino! It looks like you have a fan club that you didn't know about!"

"Kiba, are you some kind of—" Shino began, but then he stopped. "I'm pretty sure Lee got me for his Random Acts of Kindness person."

"Oh… that makes sense." Kiba nodded. "Hinata, did you get Lee?"

Hinata nodded. "That's why I made him the cookies."

"It's all coming together." Kiba said. "And Shino, are you being nice to me and hanging out with me and not making snide remarks to me because you got ME for the random acts of kindness?"

Shino paused. "Yes." He said.

"Aw!" said Kiba as he lightly punched Shino's arm. "Thanks, pal!"

Shino stood there like a tree. A walking tree.

"So all that's left is me announcing who _I _had!" Kiba said. He lifted the puppy up off his shoulder and handed it to Hinata.

Hinata turned bright red. "Me?" she said.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "Here, I got you this puppy."

"Oh!" said Hinata. "But—uh…my father…it's that--!"

"You don't like it?" Kiba said, looking sad.

"No, I love it!" Hinata assured Kiba. "I just hope I can convince my father…"

"Just tell him it's Random Acts of Kindness Month." Shino suggested.

"I guess…" Hinata said.

Meanwhile…

Shikamaru sighed and sat up. There was no sense in trying to delay any longer. He HAD to go and do his random act of kindness now.

He stood up only to almost fall over in fright when he found Sasuke standing there.

"Why is everyone bothering me today?" Shikamaru said as he collected himself.

"Shikamaru, do you have me as your random acts of kindness guy?" he asked.

"Actually, yeah." Shikamaru said.

"I'll tell you straight up what I want." Sasuke said.

"That makes things easier." Shikamaru commented. "What do you want?"

"Find Ino and tell her to meet me here." Sasuke said as he sat down. "I'll be waiting."

Shikamaru wondered about this. "Did you get her?" he asked.

Sasuke nodded, but didn't say anything.

So Shikamaru shrugged. "All right." He said as he wandered off.

Chouji and Naruto, meanwhile, were just finishing up their buffet. Both had huge bloated stomachs.

"I'm glad you got me as your person!" Naruto said. "That was the best random act of kindness EVER!"

"Yeah!" said Chouji. "But, for once, I don't think I could possibly eat another bite!"

"See you later!" said Naruto.

So they parted ways and Chouji hobbled home, his stomach aching a bit from all the food he had just stuffed his face with. He could tell his house smelled particularly delicious as he opened the front door. He went into the kitchen and looked around to see the most food he had ever seen in his entire life, and Tenten standing there looking triumphant.

"How do you like this?" Tenten said, gesturing at the food. "Happy Random Acts of Kindness Month!"

Chouji looked around, his eyes rolled back in his head and then he fainted. Too much excitement.

Meanwhile, Ino was still walking around aimlessly waiting for someone to do something kind to her. That's when she spotted Shikamaru.

"Ino, I was told by someone to bring you somewhere." Shikamaru said.

"Don't tell me YOU got me for the Random Acts of Kindness thing!" Ino said as she followed Shikamaru.

"Would that really be THAT awful?" Shikamaru said skeptically.

"Yes." Said Ino, crossing her arms. "How did your date with Tenten go?"

Shikamaru paused. "We hung out for a little while, realized we had little in common and then called it off." He replied.

"Oh." Said Ino.

Shikamaru pointed at where Ino was supposed to go, so she followed. That's when she saw Sasuke standing there… waiting!

"Sasuke…?" she said.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"Did you get me for Random Acts of Kindness?" Ino asked.

"Maybe." Sasuke said childishly. He pulled a card out of his pocket and held it up. "I read one of your Valentines."

"Oh." Ino said.

"So I just wanted to say thanks." Sasuke said. With that, he began to walk by her.

She frowned. "That's it?" she said.

"What's it?" Sasuke said, stopping.

"THAT is your random act of kindness?" Ino said. "You THANK me for writing you a Valentine over a week ago?"

"What more do you want?" Sasuke said.

"A…a kiss!" Ino answered boldly.

Sasuke looked irritated. That was an outlandish request. But then again, it WAS Random Acts of Kindness Month… and no one was watching…

So he leaned over and gave her a very unromantic peck on the forehead and then quickly walked away faster than Lee without his weights on.

Ino melted into a pile of goo.

Meanwhile…

"Are you satisfied yet?" Neji said impatiently as Sakura continued to brush and stroke and play with his hair. "Enough already!"

"What kind of conditioner do you use?" Sakura asked. "How do you get your hair to be so silky?"

"That's it." Said Neji, pulling away from her. "I don't know why I agreed to this in the first place. You've had your fun so don't forget about your end of the kindness thing."

"Of course not!" said Sakura. "…What was it again?"

"You have to go on a date with Lee." Neji reminded her.

"Fine, fine, fine…" sighed Sakura. Then she gasped. "The teachers haven't reminded Shino about my birthday recently!" she exclaimed. "He's going to forget! I just KNOW it!"

"I'm sure Kurenai will remind him…" Neji said as he couldn't care less.

"He better not forget…" Sakura said pounding her fist into her palm. "Or heads will roll! I swear by it!"


	9. Sakura's Lost Birthday

Chapter 9- Sakura's Lost Birthday

Sakura had been in pain ever since the 22nd of February. She thought Random Acts of Kindness Day had gone pretty well for her, but then Ino finally spilled the beans that she and Sasuke had had a romantic rendezvous before the day was over and he had systematically swept her off her feet, scooped her off to watch the sunset where they proceeded to declare their undying love to each other and promise their hearts to one another.

Normally, Sakura doesn't practice believing Ino. But whenever she'd bring it up to Sasuke, he would hastily change the subject. And even though she made it a point to not believe Shikamaru either, he had been there and he ALSO changed the subject quite often.

But the worst was yet to come.

Lee asked her to go on a date with her on the 24th, and it just so happened that Neji was standing right there with his GLARE, so Sakura was forced to accept. She lured Lee into the movie theater so people wouldn't see her with him and believe that they were actually dating. And when Lee asked for a second date, Sakura politely declined, stating that she could already tell they were moving in different directions!

Now it was the morning of Sakura's birthday and, as she looked out the window eagerly waiting for everyone to appear and surprise her with enthusiasm, she saw no one. NO ONE AT ALL!

"DAMN THAT SHINO!" she yelled as she angrily clenched her fist. "I knew he'd forget!"

She stomped down the stairs with just enough force to shake the house but not to destroy the stairs.

"Good morning, Sakura!" said Sakura's mother, Blakura, as Sakura descended in an enraged fashion. "Happy birthday!"

"What's happy about it?" Sakura said with a huff. "My teacher forced me not to plan a birthday party because I was assured that Shino was going to remember but sure enough, he DIDN'T!"

"Um…" said Blakura.

"Don't bother trying to comfort me, Mom!" said Sakura as she buried her face in her hands in the most dramatic fashion ever and then sprinted off as fast as she could, flinging the door open so hard that the doorknob got lodged in the wall.

The door slowly closed and Blakura turned around to face the mob-like crowd that was infesting her house.

"Maybe we should have jumped out and yelled 'Surprise' a little sooner." Said Asuma as he took off his party hat.

"I said I wouldn't forget." Said Shino.

"Yeah well, it's not much of a party anyway!" said Kiba. "All we were going to do was jump out, surprise her and then proceed to trash her house with all the stuff you brought from your party that we left at your house over a month ago."

"Including the cake." Said Naruto, holding up the moldy, gross half of a cake that clearly hadn't been touched since January 23rd.

"Can we still have the party if Sakura's not here?" Ino questioned.

"No!" said Gai as he pointed off in the distance. "I believe it is our duty as her youthful party to follow Sakura and attempt to surprise her in a DIFFERENT situation!"

"But Sakura's birthday fate is supposed to be entirely in Shino's hands." Said Kakashi. "So what do you say Shino?"

"Am I required to do more?" Shino responded.

"Technically no, but if you don't then I will disown you as my student." Kurenai said, putting the terms right out there on the table.

"Very well." Said Shino. "In that case, we will follow her and then jump out wherever she is and say it was entirely part of the plan that she would think I forgot."

Kurenai cleared her throat.

Shino rolled his eyes. "And someone get a new cake." He said.

"THAT'S the spirit, Shino!" said Kurenai.

Meanwhile, Sakura was wandering the streets of Laredo with her head hung low. What else could possibly go wrong? And it was her BIRTHDAY too! The nerve of everyone NOT doing anything just because Shino forgot!

Sakura got off the streets of Laredo and walked into a restaurant where she could drink her troubles away. With Sprite!

She got in a booth all alone as the entire party peeked out of the boy's bathroom like a totem pole and observed her.

"Now's the perfect time to do it." Neji whispered, since he actually just wanted to go home and occupy his time with something significant and important.

"All right." Said Shino. "On the count of three. One… two…"

Just when Shino was about to say, "Three!" a waiter strolled over to take Sakura's order. They all waited for the waiter to depart, but as it turned out, Sakura had to go to the bathroom so she got up and started walking towards the holy place. The humungous group occupying the boy's bathroom slammed the door shut as Sakura entered the girl's room.

"Let's all jump out and surprise her as she leaves the bathroom!" said Lee.

"That would be kind of awkward for her." Said Sasuke. "And for us."

"You know what's awkward?" said Tenten. "Being in the guy's bathroom!"

"I have to agree." Said Kurenai.

It was almost as if Hinata JUST noticed, because she turned bright red and immediately darted out.

This was, of course, just as Sakura exited the girl's room.

"Hinata!" said Sakura. "Did you accidentally go in the boy's room?"

"Uh…" Hinata began, looking back at the boy's room door to see it frantically close. "…Yes?"

"Oh." Said Sakura.

"And happy birthday, Sakura!" Hinata offered.

"Thanks Hinata." Said Sakura with a heavy sigh as she made her way to the door of the restaurant.

"Where are you going?" Hinata asked, looking back and forth from Sakura to the boy's room where everyone was shaking their heads in a way of telling Hinata to make sure Sakura didn't leave.

"I don't feel like eating right now." Sakura replied tragically.

Hinata awkwardly followed Sakura out of the restaurant.

"It's not fair!" Sakura vented. "I knew Shino would forget my birthday! Did Kurenai remind him the other day?"

"Of course she did." Hinata said.

"Everyone should have known better!" Sakura said. "They should have realized that Shino would have been unmotivated to throw me a birthday party and assigned my birthday to someone else! You're birthday is last in the year, isn't it? So you don't have to throw ANYONE a party! You could have thrown MY party!"

Sakura pointed her finger up in the air.

"That's it!" she said. "You and I will celebrate my birthday WITHOUT anyone else! What do you say?"

"Um…?" Hinata stuttered as Sakura grabbed her arm and dragged her off.

As soon as they left the restaurant the giant spying mob tumbled out of the boy's room and readjusted their clothing as random people walked by them with questioning expressions.

"Now what?" Asuma said, stroking his beard curiously.

"Shino?" Kakashi said.

Shino looked annoyed. "Did anybody get the cake?" he asked.

"I'll get the cake!" said Ino. "Come on, Tenten!"

She grabbed Tenten's arm and they both ran off.

"…Shino?" Kakashi led once again.

"Let's keep following her." Shino said. "Hopefully she and Hinata aren't going somewhere that would be inconvenient to throw a party."

No more than five minutes later, the group was sitting on the balcony, looking down at Sakura and Hinata who were currently watching a movie while munching on some popcorn.

"You just HAD to say that, didn't you, Shino?" said Kiba.

"We'll just wait until the movie is over and then we'll jump her as she leaves the theater." Shino said.

The movie that was currently showing happened to be a cheesy romance movie CHICK FLICK and, considering the strong imbalance of testosterone of the people stalking Sakura, it didn't take long for every one of them to fall asleep… with the exception of Kurenai whose eyes were welded with tears as she sat on the edge of her seat.

"That was a great movie!" Sakura said to Hinata as the two of them exited the theater.

"Yeah…" Hinata said, looking around and wondering when the rest of the party would jump out.

Sakura wasn't suspicious of Hinata looking around in a timid fashion because Hinata always seemed rather jumpy. After all, Neji could have been hiding in one of those bushes ready to jump her and kill her when she least expected it!

Meanwhile, Tenten and Ino were searching for the rest of the party as well. They had a cake, but they had sprinted off in such a rush that they had forgotten to organize a meeting time. And, since the group was currently snoozing in the movie theater as Kurenai tried to collect herself, they were rather unsuccessful.

That's when they spotted Hinata and Sakura coming their way.

"HIDE!" Ino shouted to Tenten as she pushed her into a bush.

"Careful of the cake!" Tenten whispered as she tried to balance the cake while crouching behind the bush. Hinata and Sakura strolled by, and the two hidden ones gave sighs of relief.

"Why did Shino have to make this so complicated?" Ino said as she pulled a leaf off the cake.

"He didn't ORIGINALLY." Tenten shrugged.

"Hey!" yelled Chouji. "Tenten! Ino!"

"THERE you two are!" said Gai, putting his hands on his hips. "Did you get the cake?"

Tenten stared at Gai as if he were stupid, and then made a gesture at the enormous cake she was holding.

"Ah, you have!" said Gai contently. "Splendid!"

"Which way did Sakura go?" Shikamaru asked. "I'd like it if we could hurry this up a bit."

"Guys!" said Naruto as he jumped up on a stump that just so happened to be there, but he didn't end up being the tallest even WITH the stump's help. "We're all being selfish! We're only thinking of our selves and not of Sakura. It's HER birthday and I say we concentrate on making this a great day for her instead of trying to get through the day so we can do whatever we want to do! What do you say? Are you with me!"

A few people cleared their throats, a few people gave some unenthusiastic claps, and then a voice rang out from the crowd. It was Lee! It started out low… then it started to grow!

"Sakura is a beautiful maiden!" Lee declared. "Let us celebrate her birth to the fullest!"

"Fine…" groaned most others.

So, using Akamaru's incredible nose, they easily located Sakura and Hinata at the local mall. They currently were in the section of the music store where you can listen to samples from the songs by putting on the headphones.

They were right above them, hanging in the rafters using their chakra.

"Could someone else carry the cake for a little while?" Tenten whispered.

"Okay… get ready…" Shino said. "On three. One… two…"

Just as Shino was about to say three, Sakura happened to put on a pair of the headphones and listened to a heavy metal band. So the group descended on her with their streamers and noise makers, scaring the bajeezers out of Hinata, but Sakura managed to not notice them, because she was currently reading the back of the CD she was listening to.

She happened to look over at Hinata who looked as though she had just been kidnapped by a gang of old yet frisky men, raped of her innocence and then thrown out of a moving car after they had their way with her.

"Are you all right, Hinata?" Sakura said as she took off her headphones and the rest of the party scattered.

"Yeah…" Hinata said, taking some deep breaths. "I just…uh…"

"Hey, how about we get something to eat?" Sakura suggested. "All I've had all day is popcorn!"

"…Oh---okay…" Hinata said nervously as she and Sakura made their way to the food court.

"Foiled again by dumb luck!" Gai said, clenching his fist dramatically as he crawled out from under a table.

"We'll get it next time for sure!" said Kiba ambitiously.

The mob headed for the food court and hid behind a potted plant just a few yards away from where Sakura and Hinata were eating. Yes, it was quite the large and intensely sized potted plant so they all could fit behind it.

"Just so you guys know, the cake isn't too happy about all this action." Said Tenten as she tried to balance the cake in one hand and fix a candle with the other.

"Shh…" said Asuma as he adjusted his party hat. "Now's our chance."

"Everybody ready?" Kurenai said. "Shino, begin the countdown."

Shino paused for a moment. "On the count of three." He said. "One… two… three."

There was another pause.

"Wait, did you say three?" said Naruto.

"Yes." Said Shino with a glare.

"Oh." Said Naruto. "That was just so anticlimactic that I didn't notice. Don't you think you could at least use an exclamation point or something?"

Shino was shocked. Exclamation point?

"Whatever." said Shikamaru. "Let's just go NOW."

With that, the mass jumped out from behind the giant potted plant and shouted as loudly as they could, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAKURA!"

Sakura just so happened to be taking a bite of her meal at the time and when she caught sight of everyone there to surprise her, her food got lodged in her throat. She began to turn blue as she coughed and choked, but everyone was so preoccupied with patting themselves on the back for finally pulling through with the surprise that they didn't even notice Sakura's suffering until she had collapsed on the floor in a heap.

Then medical ninjas were summoned and Sakura was promptly revived.

"Sorry about almost killing you, Sakura." Said Lee as he pushed some tables together so they could cut the cake while sharing a nice, large table so they somewhat resembled a party.

"It's okay!" said Sakura. "I should be the one apologizing to Shino! Shino, I'm sorry I thought you would forget my birthday! I should have known you were just pretending to forget to go for the dramatic effect!"

"Yeah." Said Shino.

"This is the best birthday ever!" Sakura declared. "Aside from the almost dying part."

Then everyone proceeded to chuckle warmly, with the exception of the people who obviously would never engage in such a lowly activity. And I believe such people are obvious.

Once the chuckling quieted, Kakashi stood up with his clipboard. "March is just around the corner." He said. "Sakura, it is your job to plan Tenten's birthday which is on the ninth."

"All right!" cheered Sakura.

"That's almost two weeksyou have to plan!" Tenten pointed out.

"I won't forget!" said Sakura.

"So that is the next holiday." Kakashi went on. "March is also Women's History Month."

Neji groaned. But then he hastily looked around to realize that no one else was joining him in the groaning, so once again he was left out in the cold so he retracted back into his Neji shell of ice.

"So, at some point in March we will celebrate women." Kakashi said. "We will have more details on that later."

"March is also the month of SPRING!" Gai said. "Which is the most youthful month of all! I get to plan a little activity for us to do on the 22nd!"

"Why you?" said Sasuke.

"Because each of us took a season." Gai said. "I'm Spring, Kurenai is Summer, Asuma is Autumn and Kakashi is Winter. I bet the anticipation is killing you!"

"Yes…killing me." Sasuke said sarcastically.

"And finally, there's always St. Patrick's Day." Kakashi said.

"But we'll jump off those bridges when we come to them!" Asuma declared.

"Yes." Said Kurenai. "For now, let us only worry about Tenten's birthday celebration! Sakura, get to work on that and tell us when you have the perfect idea in mind for a party!"

"Don't worry, I will!" said Sakura.

"That being said, let's cut the cake!" Gai announced, reaching behind his back and pulling out… yes, that SAME giant knife.


	10. The Birthday of Tenten

Chapter 10- The Birthday of Tenten

"Oh come on, there was no way of predicting this!" Sakura argued.

"Sakura… it's hardly March!" Tenten yelled. "It SHOULD have occurred to you!"

So that's how it was. Sakura had figured that since all the birthday parties so far had essentially been your every day birthday parties that she'd do something FUN for Tenten! Like throw her a pool party!

But, as Tenten pointed out, it was the beginning of March and in the beginning of March you are still at quite the unfortunate probability of getting snow. And wouldn't you know it? It was snowing.

So the entire party was confined to the insides of the Hyuuga complex. Because Sakura was the MC of Tenten's birthday, she went around trying to find a pool available and, as it turned out, the Hyuugas had BY FAR the best yard and pool for such an occasion so she borrowed it for the party. Now, as everyone stood in their bathing suits, watching the snow fall into the water of the pool, it suddenly didn't seem like that great of an idea.

"So now what?" said Kiba.

"Can we leave?" Sasuke tried.

"No way!" said Sakura. "We are throwing Tenten this pool party whether we have a pool or not!"

All she received was silence, and the occasional glare from those who were enraged with this statement.

"Didn't this occur to ANYONE?" Tenten said, looking around the room at all the people who had clearly been feeling uncharacteristically forgetful when Sakura had brought up the idea.

Just then, Hiashi strolled by. "Hinata—" he started but then he took a moment to take in what he was seeing. "Why are you all in your bathing suits?" he asked.

"Sakura was throwing Tenten a pool party." Hinata answered timidly.

"March 9th?" Hiashi said.

Hinata nodded, cowering in fear as if it were her own fault.

Hiashi shook his head and tried to get past it. Not EVERYONE can be as smart as him, after all. "Hinata, have you fed Oniba?"

"Yes." Hinata replied.

"Well, then don't forget to walk him so we don't have another accident like last week." Said Hiashi as he walked away with his arms crossed and his hands tucked in his sleeves.

Everyone breathed a little easier now that Hiashi was gone.

"Oniba had an accident?" Kiba said. "I told him ONLY to go outside!"

"Yeah." Said Neji. "In MY room. And I am personally blaming YOU, Kiba, for giving that dog to her in the first place."

"Whatever, Neji." Said Kiba. "You personally blame everyone for everything so I'm not worried OR offended."

Neji looked like he actually didn't have a retort to that statement.

"Hey!" said Tenten. "This isn't about you guys! It's about ME and my ruined birthday party!"

"Calm down, Tenten, it's not ruined!" said Sakura. "I made a back-up plan just in case of this!"

Minutes later, everyone was clad in pajamas and sitting in one of the empty rooms of the Hyuuga house, waiting for Sakura to emerge with her fool-proof back up plan.

"Why do we even have to do this?" said Shikamaru. "Our teachers aren't here to supervise us so if we left and TOLD them we celebrated Tenten's birthday then they'd never know that we didn't."

"But then my birthday wouldn't be celebrated!" Tenten pointed out.

"You're going to have tons of birthdays." Shikamaru reminded her.

"No, you're ALL staying." Tenten said, crossing her arms childishly.

That's when Sakura burst through the door. "Spin the bottle!" she cheered.

"Yay!" cheered Ino as she clapped happily, but when she realized she was alone on this cheer, her clapping slowly quieted and she looked at the floor.

"Sakura, perhaps you failed to notice—" Tenten started.

"The unbalance of testosterone, I KNOW!" Sakura said as she sat down and placed the empty bottle in the middle of the circle everyone JUST SO HAPPENED to be sitting in. "But it's YOUR birthday party and I'M calling the shots so I say we play spin the bottle!"

"Why's everyone so upset?" Kiba wondered out loud as he looked at everyone's perturbed faces. "Spin the bottle won't be THAT bad, aside from being boring and repetitive."

"Have you ever played before, Kiba?" said Sasuke.

"No." Kiba said. "But how hard can it be?"

"Okay, these are the rules." Sakura decreed. "If the bottle lands on someone who is your own gender, you don't have to kiss them. But if it lands on someone of the OPPOSITE gender then you HAVE to!"

"Whoa!" said Kiba, standing up. "Kissing? You never said anything about KISSING!"

"I just did." Sakura said.

"Let's get started before we waste anymore time." Ino said eagerly as she reached for the bottle. "I hope it lands on Sasuke so it can be a repeat of Valentine's Day!"

Sakura slapped Ino's hand away. "Not only did NOTHING happen on Valentine's Day between you and Sasuke, but Tenten has to go first because it's HER birthday!"

Sasuke glared at Ino.

"All right…" Tenten said, taking a deep breath. "I have to admit, though… I've never really played before…"

"Well then hope it lands on someone good so your first impression of the game will be a good one!" Sakura said as she gestured for Tenten to spin it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Chouji.

Tenten leaned over and gave the bottle a hefty man-spin. She crossed her fingers and hoped that it wouldn't land on someone undesirable, while all the men were hoping it wouldn't land on them. Just as the bottle began to slow down, Neji reached out and grabbed it, lifting it right up off the floor.

"Hey!" said Sakura and Ino.

"I have to protest." Neji said. "I object to this game because eventually, this will all get out of hand and turn into a romantic excursion and it'll all be awkward for us all tomorrow."

"What are you expecting to happen?" said Tenten, taking the bottle from him.

"Yeah, geez Neji, what are you even thinking about?" Naruto said.

Neji frowned. It was everyone ELSE'S fault!

Shikamaru, who just so happened to be sitting next to Tenten, suddenly grabbed the bottle right out of her distracted hands and tossed it out a well-placed window. It was all very abrupt.

"Oops." Shikamaru said.

"You did that on purpose!" Ino scolded.

"Oh…" said Shikamaru. "…Yeah…"

"That's littering!" Lee exclaimed. "Not to mention that now we can't play spin the bottle!"

"Are you telling me that you WANT to?" Shikamaru said.

"Shikamaru, think about for a second who you're talking to!" Lee said. "I'm willing to take any form of kiss however I can!"

Just when Lee was about to be jumped because of his mindless statement, the four teachers suddenly appeared in the middle of the circle. This caused many people to scream like little girls (though theones who did won't admit it) and leap backwards to recover.

"Hello students!" said Asuma.

"Sorry we're late for your birthday party, Tenten." Said Gai as he handed Tenten a pink bag with purple tissue paper. "But don't worry! We brought you a gift so you have no need to fret!"

"So what have we missed?" Kurenai said as she wedged herself in between Shino and Kiba.

"We were just about to play spin the bottle when Shikamaru chucked the bottle out the window." Ino answered, throwing a glare at Shikamaru who only shrugged flamboyantly.

"Well, you kids are too young to be playing spin the bottle ANYWAY." Kakashi decided.

"Yes, we have a much better came you can play!" said Gai as he whipped out a hammer and nail. He proceeded to drive the nail halfway into the wall, Neji and Hinata wincing with every slam, and then hang up a poster that had a tailless donkey on it.

"Pin the tail on the donkey?" Shino said finally. You see, while everyone else was left speechless, Shino had the strength to speak. Imagine that!

Tenten pushed the purple tissue paper aside and pulled out a green spandex bodysuit. "How did I know I would be getting this?" she said with a sigh as she dropped the spandex back in the bag.

"Now you can match me and Gai whilst we train!" said Lee enthusiastically.

"I look forward to it." Tenten said, rolling her eyes.

"Anyway, Gai, we're NOT playing pin the tail on the donkey." Said Sakura, standing up.

"Well, of COURSE we're not playing!" laughed Gai. "That is why we must hurry and start!"

"No, we're not going to play at all!" Sakura argued. "I get to plan this birthday party and I say we're playing spin the bottle!"

"I brought an extra bottle just in case!" said Kurenai, pulling a bottle out from behind her back.

"You bring around a spare bottle?" Kakashi questioned.

"Well, it was a girl planning another girl's birthday party." Kurenai said. "I looked underneath the underneath."

"Hey." Said Kakashi. "That's my phrase."

"I know." Said Kurenai. "I was being amusingly ironic."

"Ahh…" said Kakashi with a nod.

"So…no pin the tail on the donkey?" Gai said, looking sad.

"No, just sit down!" said Sakura as she sat down as well. The male teachers joined the circle as Kurenai placed the bottle in the center. Tenten spun the bottle around and it slowed down…coming to a stop and pointing directly at…

Chouji!

If they had been outside, then certainly a cold wind would have blown by.

"Awkward…" Chouji said finally.

"All right, FINE!" said Tenten as if everyone had been pestering her to no end to hurry up and kiss Chouji. She crawled across the circle and closed her eyes. The "kiss" wasn't exactly a kiss… it was really just Tenten's face lightly brushing Chouji's cheek, and then she quickly hurried back to her seat.

"Um." Said Chouji.

"Why do girls play this game?" Kiba said.

Then he realized he had loudly stated this to the group instead of just quietly whispering it to Naruto like he had originally planned. Somehow, when the thought was going from his head to his mouth, he lost track of the fact that his comment had to be quiet.

"I mean…" Kiba said. "Okay…who spins the bottle now?"

"Chouji does." Sakura answered.

"I don't know if I really want to play—" Chouji started but he was pressured by his female peers to commence in the spinning. He did, and the bottle LOOKED as though it was going to stop on Ino, then it looked like it might stop on Lee, but finally it stopped on Neji.

Chouji gave a sigh of relief.

"That means I don't have to kiss anyone, right?" Chouji said.

"Yeah." Said Sakura. "Now it's your turn, Neji."

"I already said I wasn't playing." Neji said.

"You HAVE to!" Gai insisted. "Otherwise you will be severely punished! I don't want to have to be severe, but if you don't listen to Sakura who is the leader of Tenten's birthday planning then I WILL!"

Neji grumbled but, after a quick assessment of the people that surrounded him, he realized that his chances of landing on a male were much greater than landing on a female so he gave the bottle a spin.

And… wouldn't you know it? The bottle ended up landing on none other than…

HINATA!

"Oh wait, that's just weird." Said Kurenai as she took it upon herself to turn the bottle a good 180 degrees so it was facing Sakura.

"Okay, I think that's enough of this game." Sakura said as she picked up the bottle and stood up.

"But it was just getting good." Said Kakashi, looking disappointed.

"That was the dumbest game I've ever played." Said Sasuke.

"Wait, so the only person who had to kiss anyone was ME?" said Tenten, sounding appalled. "How is that at all fair?"

"Now we're going to play pin the tail on the donkey!" said Sakura.

"YAY!" cheered Gai as he punched the air.

What followed was an intense game of pin the tail on the donkey. And, even though everyone accused him of cheating, Neji won. Then they cut the cake and devoured it… after Tenten had made her wish; to become a strong female ninja like Tsunade! The men "har har"ed her behind her back while the women cheered her on to her face.

Finally, when the day was drawing to a close and the snow was finally stopping, everyone changed OUT of the pajamas and back into their regular clothes, wondering why they had changed into their pajamas in the first place.

"St. Patrick's Day is on the 17th!" Asuma said. "You will all meet at my team's training spot that day!"

"For all those who show up NOT wearing green…" Kakashi began, but he trailed off, almost as if he was searching for the correct threat. "There will be blood."

"When's the next birthday?" Tenten asked. "How long do I have to plan and who am I planning for?"

Kurenai flipped through the calendar. "The next birthday isn't for a while." She replied. "There are no more in March, and NOBODY'S birthday is in April so…"

"That's me then!" said Chouji. "My birthday May 1st!"

"Hey, you and Chouji are getting pretty close, aren't you?" said Ino to Tenten. "You got him for Random Acts of Kindness Day AND you kissed him just now… now you have to plan his birthday!"

"Those are coincidences!" Tenten yelled.

"Well, you're all free to leave now." Said Neji who not so secretly just wanted everyone to leave his house.

"Okay…" said everyone who was not so secretly offended as they left the house and slammed the door. But Neji not so secretly didn't care.


	11. Erin go Braugh!

Chapter 11- Erin go Braugh!

Today was March 17th; St. Patrick's Day, which is quite possibly one of the most pointless, yet incredibly fun and AWESOME holidays of the year. Lee was dressed in close to what he wears every day, except on THIS day, his leg warmers were green and he was wearing an absurd festive hat. He actually resembled Lucky the Leprechaun. A really… UGLY, yet strangely adorable,Lucky the Leprechaun.

So Lee hopped up the steps of Tenten's house and knocked on the door. Tenten opened it, sticking only her head out.

"Oh, hi Lee." She said, completely unfazed by his ridiculous attire.

"You're wearing GREEN, I trust!" said Lee.

"Yeah…" Tenten said. "I didn't really have any green in my wardrobe so I hope you don't mind that I slightly altered the spandex that Gai gave me…"

She opened the door all the way to reveal that Tenten had cut off the sleeves of the spandex, as well as the entire bottom half. In the place of the of the bottom half, she now wore a pair of black sweatpants.

"Slightly altered!" Lee gasped. "That is approximately only a FOURTH of the original battle uniform!"

"Oh well!" Tenten shrugged, trying to act as though it was NO BIG DEAL. "So why did you come to pick me up?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were wearing green." Lee replied. "Because our teachers threatened something HORRIBLE if we weren't!"

"So is that why we're heading to Neji's house since he undoubtedly either did not remember about St. Patrick's Day or just doesn't care enough to wear green or doesn't respect the teachers enough to take their threat seriously?" Tenten asked.

Lee nodded.

They must have been speed walking or something because they were already at the Hyuuga complex, where they also just so happened to meet Shino and Kiba who were there to pick up Hinata! Kiba had ditched his favorite jacket for the day and was wearing a green hooded tee decorated with a shamrock, and had dressed Akamaru up in a ridiculous St. Patrick's Day outfit. As for Shino, all he had on was a green plastic Mardi-Gras necklace.

"Shino, you're not particularly festive." Lee frowned.

"At least I put something on." Shino said, adjusting his glasses.

The door opened and Hinata stepped out, quickly closing the door behind her so her new puppy wouldn't run out and cause mischief with Akamaru who has come to find that he's not that partial to Oniba.

We won't say that Hinata was clad in green from head to toe, but she was pretty darn close to it. When she noticed Kiba and Shino's limited festivity, she became a little embarrassed.

"Maybe I should go change." Said Hinata nervously.

"Nonsense!" said Lee. "The more festive, the better! Say, do you happen to know if Neji remembered to wear green?"

Hinata thought for a moment. "Well, actually…" Hinata said. "I think I remember his exact words when he saw me this morning. He said, 'Oh right. Today is that infernal holiday in which one is supposed to wear green. Well, green just so happens to be my least favorite color, especially after training with Lee and Gai every day of my life so I believe I will—'"

"Okay, okay…" said Tenten, noticing Lee looked deeply affected.

Just then, the door opened and Neji stepped out. Of course, he wasn't as concerned about Oniba and Akamaru's less than perfect relationship so when Oniba came frolicking out and then came face to face with Akamaru, a growling contest began that would ONLY be broken up with Kiba and Hinata separated them.

Hinata put Oniba back in the house and then closed the door.

"Neji, where's your green?" Lee asked.

"I hate green." Said Neji.

"Well, just so the teachers won't punish you, I will allow you to wear my festive hat!" said Lee as he took his hat off and attempted to hand it off to Neji.

Neji just had this FACE that was all like, "…yeah right…"

So Lee eventually put the hat back on his own head and the two teams began their journey on over to Team 10's training area.

"—So I had the feeling that Shikamaru and Chouji would both forget about wearing green so I took it upon myself to make us all matching outfits!" they heard Ino explaining as the entered the training area.

Sure enough, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji all had on identical green shirts and, where Ino was wearing a green skirt, the males of the team had pants. There were various other accessories to go with the outfits that they had CLEARLY only put on so Ino wouldn't throw a temper tantrum. One of the more noticeable of accessories were the earrings; it is a well known fact that everyone on that team wears earrings, whether it be one or two! And no matter how effeminate the shamrocks earrings looked, yes, Chouji and Shikamaru sunk down to THAT LEVEL.

"I can't help it that I'm forgetful!" Chouji shrugged.

"It was troublesome." Was all Shikamaru cared to contribute to the conversation.

"Well, MY outfit is FAR better!" said Sakura. She was wearing essentially the same thing that she wears all the time only instead of being pink, it was green. So just assume that someone colored her in wrong.

Naruto had failed at matching because he was wearing a vivid green shirt underneath his vivid orange getup, so he looked absolutely ridiculous. No one was about to tell him, though, because they enjoyed laughing at his expense to his face and behind his back.

As for Sasuke, he was wearing just a plain green shirt with an Uchiha fan sewn on the back (of COURSE!) and his same white shorts.

"There now, Neji, aren't you embarrassed that you're the only one who didn't wear any green?" Tenten said.

"No." said Neji, looking at Tenten as if she was stupid for believing that such a minor thing could EVER embarrass him. "Besides, I knew Gai would have a conniption if I didn't wear any green so…" he pulled his hair over his shoulder to reveal that the elastic he had used was actually a very dark shade of green that was awfully close to black.

"Oh." Said Tenten, looking awfully disbelieving that Neji could possibly be THAT odd.

That's when the teachers came. They actually looked quite engaged in a conversation and appeared almost as if they were going to just walk right by all the students, but the copious amount of green managed to catch their eyes so they stopped.

"Say…" said Asuma. "What's with all the green?"

"Not that I MIND!" said Gai, striking a pose.

"It's St. Patrick's Day." Sasuke reminded them.

The teachers looked baffled at first. Then they turned to each other, pointed dramatically and let out a loud gasp. "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REMIND ME!" they all screamed at each other.

The students were in a state of utter astonishment.

"Wait… you guys forgot about St. Patrick's Day?" Naruto said finally.

"I don't know if 'forgot' is the right word." Said Kurenai.

"Then what IS the right word?" said Shikamaru.

"Uh…" Kurenai said, looking to her pals for help.

"Overlooked." Kakashi answered.

"Ah, yes!" Kurenai agreed.

"How could you have 'overlooked' St. Patrick's Day?" demanded Kiba. "You guys are the ones forcing us to obsessively celebrate every holiday!"

"All right, all right." Said Asuma. "Let's not be hasty. This is easily fixed."

"Besides, I've got green on." Said Kakashi, gesturing towards his jounin vest.

"That's right!" said Asuma, pointing his finger up in the air.

"And um…" Kurenai said, looking around. "My UNDERWEAR is green!"

The male presence winced.

"So let's just move on to the celebration part!" said Gai.

"How do we celebrate St. Patrick's Day?" Chouji questioned.

"Why, we drink copiously!" Asuma answered.

He didn't get an immediate response to that.

"Well…" he said, realizing his mistake. "Let's do something else instead. Let's search for a four leaf clover!"

"I'm going home." Sasuke decided.

"Me too." Said Shikamaru.

"I'll come too, Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"If Sasuke's leaving then I don't have to stay!" Naruto declared.

"I'm not going to be the only one on my team not leaving!" Ino said.

"You're not topping ME, Ino!" Sakura argued.

"Shino left a little while ago…" Kiba said, gesturing to the empty spot that Shino once stood. "So I'm gone! Come on, Hinata!"

"…Oh---okay!" Hinata said as she followed Kiba.

"I'm glad I didn't bother." Neji said as he turned to leave as well.

"It's pointless for me to stay." Tenten shrugged.

"I don't want to be the ONLY one not walking out!" Lee announced.

Once the four teachers remained, they looked at each other in a depressed fashion. They couldn't believe they had forgotten about St. Patrick's Day.

"This just reinforces the fact that we must celebrate MORE holidays!" Asuma decided after a long silence.

"And just because our students aren't here to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with us doesn't mean that we can't celebrate it." Kakashi said.

"You mean…drink copiously without them?" Gai asked.

"What's our other option?" Kurenai said. "Drink copiously WITH them?"

"Good point." Gai said.

The teachers put their hands in the middle and then leapt up into the air like Power Rangers. Except the Power Rangers would NEVER drink copiously like the jounin teachers were about to do!


	12. Spring Has Sprung

Chapter 12- Spring Has Sprung

On March 19th, it rained. On March 20th, it rained harder. On March 21st, it rained the hardest of all, because the rain was combined with Gai's tears. It had rained for three days straight and his Spring celebration was supposed to take place the next day. How could such a horrible thing happen to him?

He had planned on having a PICNIC!

But he couldn't very well have a picnic if it was raining so intensely.

Still, even if he wasn't feeling ultimately undeterred, he pretended as though he did and sent out formal invitations to all those who would be attending his lovely spring picnic.

_To my dear friend,_

_The rendezvous for our spring picnic shall take place at exactly noon in my team's sunny training area. Those who are late will suffer, and those who are early shall be rewarded. This is no competition; so do not come dressed in your ninja attire. Loose fitted clothing to keep you on the cool side would be best. Do not hesitate to bring Frisbees, baseball mitts and plenty of food. I'm looking forward to our meeting!_

_Your forever youthful companion,_

_Maito Gai_

Everyone had their own individual reaction, but when it all came down to putting it in simple terms that we can all understand, they all essentially were just like this: O.o

As it turned out, as soon as the day became the 22nd, the skies opened up and the sun shined down, drying up all the moisture left from the torrential downpours that had just occurred for the past few days. Gai cheered and punched the sky as he strolled down to his team's training area swinging his picnic basket as he went.

Little did Gai know, he wasn't alone in his frolicking! There was an evil ninja named Igoy and his equally evil sidekick named Oob-Oob. These two particular evil ninjas had so many distinguishable characteristics and wild hair that it was pretty much a given that they would have been filler characters had they been in the show.

So Gai decided to take the shortcut, which just so happened to take him deeper into the woods where no one could hear him scream, and that went all according to Igoy and Oob-Oob's plans.

"Let's get it now!" said Oob-Oob as the pair sat up in the trees and observed Gai sauntering without a care in the world.

"No," said Igoy. "We have to wait for the perfect opportunity!"

"This IS the perfect opportunity!" exclaimed Oob-Oob.

Unfortunately, he 'exclaimed' this a little too loudly because Gai suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. He removed the Spring-specific straw hat he was wearing and looked in the general direction of where he heard the excited voice.

Igoy and Oob-Oob managed to escape before Gai noticed them, however. Gai shrugged and irresponsibly assumed that it must have just been his mind playing tricks on him. He continued on his merry way as the evil filler pair poked their heads out of a nearby bush that Gai was about to meander by.

"When he gets in range, we'll grab him." Said Igoy.

"Grab HIM?" said Oob-Oob. "But all we want is the—"

"Shh!" said Igoy. "Here he comes!"

With that, Igoy and Oob-Oob dove out of the bushes and lunged atop Gai, ready to engage in mortal combat!

Meanwhile…

"So much for being early…" said Neji as he looked around at the empty training area. He double-checked the letter he received just in case.

"This is impossible!" yelled Lee. Of course, it had been HIM who had dragged Tenten and Neji there early because he wanted to be the first one there but didn't want to seem like a teacher's pet even though he totally IS! "Gai should be here by now! I hope he wasn't attacked by evil ninjas!"

"I'm sure Gai wasn't attacked by evil ninjas." Tenten sighed.

"Actually…" said Neji. "I have heard about a pair of evil ninjas who have been wreaking havoc in that very woods that Gai is likely sauntering through as we speak."

"GAI!" screamed Lee as he went to sprint into the woods and rescue his hero when Tenten grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back.

"Oh PLEASE, Lee." She said. "Neji was saying that to scare you."

"No." said Neji. "Genuinely and completely truthfully, I heard my uncle speaking about it just the other day."

Tenten raised an eyebrow.

Neji frowned.

"It's TRUE." He said persistently.

Meanwhile…

"Tell me again why you decided to attack me?" said Gai as he put his foot on top of Igoy's head after he sufficiently pummeled he and his partner in crime into near oblivion.

"Forgive us, sir!" said Oob-Oob. "We had no idea you were a powerful ninja because you were not dressed as such!"

"Is my name not known throughout the entire village?" Gai said, looking troubled.

Oob-Oob and Igoy looked at each other uneasily.

"Well, if it was not a fight you wanted, then why did you attack me?" Gai prodded.

"Honestly…" said Igoy. "We wanted your picnic basket."

Silence.

More silence.

And even more silence.

"My picnic basket?" Gai said, holding up the basket. "Is it enchanted? Did I accidentally put a secret magic scroll inside of it? Did it belong to one of your ancestors? Is it the final piece of a puzzle you have been searching for that will inevitably end up with the destruction of all mankind?"

Oob-Oob and Igoy twiddled their fingers nervously.

"Well?" Gai interrogated in a very persistent manner. But really, who could blame him?

Meanwhile…

"It has been going on since the month became of March." Neji explained as he and his teammates sat in a circle. As a matter of fact, everyone arrived by this time and those who cared were listening, while Kiba and Akamaru played with the Frisbee and the girls complimented each other on their dresses, and Chouji and Shikamaru played some Shougi, Sasuke was tossing a baseball back and forth with, surprisingly enough, Naruto, and, as for the teachers, they were all discussing something very important and couldn't possibly be bothered with the fact that Gai was now a missing person.

OMG WHAT A LONG SENTENCE.

So, in short, Lee listened attentively.

"People take a shortcut through those woods with picnic baskets and when they emerge, they…" Neji paused for a dramatic effect because he could tell this was deeply concerning Lee. "…Don't."

"Don't what?" Lee gasped.

Neji looked at Lee as if he were stupid. "They don't have their picnic baskets." He repeated.

Lee gasped again. "What could drive a fiend to do something like this?"

"There is ONE thing…" Neji said, putting his finger up in the air.

Meanwhile…

"Actually…" Igoy said, sounding apprehensive to continue. "We're sure it's just a regular ol' picnic basket…"

"We just…um…" Oob-Oob began.

"Answer me!" Gai commanded.

"We're Klepto-specifics!" Igoy finally shouted and then began to wail.

"Kelpto-specifics?" Gai said quizzically.

"Yes!" said Oob-Oob, clenching his fist dramatically and taking over because Igoy was clearly too upset to do it himself. "It's a horrible disease! Ever since birth, we have been unable to control our need to steal things!"

"Isn't that called a KleptoMANIAC?" Gai corrected.

"No." said Igoy, wiping away his tears. "Klepto-specific. Because we only steal one thing."

Gai looked down at his picnic basket again.

"Picnic baskets?" he tried.

"It's so embarrassing!" Igoy and Oob-Oob shouted as they melted into a pile of goo.

Meanwhile…

"This should be the perfect bait to draw them out." Said Lee, holding up a picnic basket to Neji who was also carrying a picnic basket as the two of them ventured into the woods while everyone else continued with their vital activities that they couldn't be interrupted from.

"Why did _I _have to come?" Neji complained.

"Because you know so much about these fiends!" Lee said.

"Who's to even say that that's why Gai is being held up?" Neji pointed out. "I mean, he could just be late."

"NEVER!" Lee yelled. "It is 12:43 right now! Gai would NEVER be late, especially not forty-three minutes late! No, Neji, you must be right. There must be horrible picnic basket stealers in here who look to harm Gai and take his picnic basket?"

"Why does it even matter?" Neji said. "It's just a picnic basket."

"It's not JUST a picnic basket!" Lee shouted. "It's GAI'S picnic basket!"

Meanwhile…

Oob-Oob and Igoy suddenly perked up. "Did you hear that, Oob-Oob?" said Igoy.

"I did!" said Oob-Oob. "I just heard people yell 'picnic basket'!"

"And I smell a picnic basket!" Igoy said.

"Could it be this one?" Gai said, looking awfully amused with what they considered to be an issue.

"No!" said Igoy. "The picnic basket… no, there's two of them, are approximately 100 meters that way!" He pointed dramatically off in the direction of the sun and, with that, he and his companion got up and ran away.

Gai just chuckled at his adventure and then checked his watch to realize that he was terribly late for his spring picnic.

Igoy and Oob-Oob were closing in fast on their unsuspecting targets who were currently quarreling over the difference between a picnic basket and GAI'S picnic basket, and clearly had no idea what fate was in store for them. The adjective 'unsuspecting' should have clued you in on that fact.

"And because it is in the loving hands of our master and mentor, Gai, it makes it that much better than any other picnic basket EVER!" Lee said.

Neji gave a heavy, dissatisfied and unconvinced sigh. "Lee, a picnic basket is a picnic basket." He started to explain rationally. "It doesn't matter who's carrying it… it will still be a picnic basket."

Just when Lee was about to bring up a very compelling argument, Oob-Oob and Igoy made their moves from the bushes.

"HAND OVER THE PICNIC BASKETS!" they screamed as they leapt from their concealed positions.

With a few punches to put them in their places, Igoy and Oob-Oob once again found themselves under someone else's foot, and tragically explaining their story once again.

"We are what you would call Klepto-specifics and that means—" began Igoy but Gai suddenly came running up.

"I'M LATE!" he yelled, running right by the entire group.

"GAI!" yelled Lee as he dropped the picnic basket and ran to catch up with Gai. Neji wasn't going to stand there listening to the story of the Klepto-specifics so he dropped the basket as well and ran to catch up.

Igoy and Oob-Oob spent a good while celebrating over a good day's work. They dumped all the food out, and then proceeded to nuzzle the baskets. Yes, they're THAT weird and fillery.

When Gai and his male teammates returned to the appointed place, everyone had a good laugh and listened to the stories Gai had brought along with him. He spread out the cloth and everyone came to enjoy the picnic Gai had planned for them, even though it was a little late.

"Happy Spring, everyone!" said Asuma.

"Yes, a toast!" said Kurenai, holding up her glass.

"I agree." Said Kakashi since he's got to say at least ONE thing in this chapter, doesn't he?

Everyone toasted and drank their nonalcoholic beverages.

"By the way…" Gai said. "The next holiday is celebrating Women's History Month… on March 27th."

And just like that, the cheery mood died.

**...I think we had too much crack while writing this chapter...ah well.**


	13. Women's History

Chapter 13- Women's History

"So, while we COULD just bore you with information about women who have done great things…" Asuma said as he slammed a textbook closed and looked at all the students who were sitting at desks with notebooks and pens out. They all gave a sigh of relief. "We will do something MUCH more creative with this opportunity!"

"Wait!" said Tenten, raising her hand. "It's Women's History Month and by saying that it's BORING to learn about great things women have done, you're defeating the whole purpose of the month!"

"Nobody likes a passionate feminist, Tenten." Said Neji, crossing his arms.

Tenten frowned and lowered her hand in a dejected fashion.

"LIKE WE WERE SAYING," Gai went on since, at this point, they're sort of a unit and rehearse all their speeches. "Instead of LEARNING…"

"We're going to play a fun game." Kakashi said.

"The game will consist of allowing the girl in your team to decide what you all do today, no buts about it!" Kurenai announced.

"NEVER!" yelled all the men as they stood up and slammed their hands down on their desks.

Except Shikamaru… he just shrugged. "How is that different from what we do everyday?" he sighed.

"Hey, Shikamaru!" said Ino, putting her hands on her hips. "I'm in charge today and I say that you're not to make any smart, witty comments to my turned back even though I can hear it just fine!"

"So I can make smart, witty comments if you can't hear them?" Shikamaru asked.

"No!" Ino yelled. "What did I just say about smart, witty comments?"

"With that said, enjoy your day and celebration of women!" said Asuma.

"And if the men on your team don't do everything you tell them to, then come and tell us and we'll make sure they're punished!" Kurenai added.

The teams dispersed and the teachers stood there for a minute or so.

"Well, that was fun!" said Gai. "Now what shall we do?"

Kurenai cleared her throat. "Considering every team is catering to the needs of the female on their team, I do believe that it is up to ME to decide what we do!" she declared.

All the teachers raised a finger to oppose her, realized they had no argument, dropped their jaws to the floor and then pouted.

"Let's go!" said Kurenai. "I've been wanting to get my nails done for a while!"

Meanwhile, with Team Seven…

"Do you both understand your tasks for today?" Sakura asked the two men on her team.

Naruto held up the piece of paper Sakura wrote on so he wouldn't forget his task. "I have to discover a cure for the common cold." He said.

"Right." Sakura nodded and then turned to Sasuke.

He rolled his eyes. "Why does Naruto get an easy task?" he said.

"All you have to do is hang out with me all day!" Sakura yelled.

Sasuke sighed a sigh of despair.

"So go, Naruto!" said Sakura.

Naruto sniffled a little bit and then trudged off to begin his research.

Meanwhile, with Team Eight…

"Come on, Hinata, you get to pick what we do today!" Kiba said. "There's got to be at least ONE thing that you want to do!"

"I don't know…" Hinata said, blushing.

"This is kind of pointless if you don't order us around." Shino commented.

"Today we have to do WHATEVER you want, so there's got to be SOMETHING you want us to do!" Kiba urged.

Hinata covered her face with her hands and shook her head. "No!" she said. "There's nothing at all! I just want us all to hang out!"

"Hey!" said Kiba to the idle Shino. "THAT sounded like an order!"

"It did." Shino agreed.

"It wasn't an order!" Hinata exclaimed in an embarrassed fashion.

Meanwhile, with Team Ten…

"CHOUJI!" Ino shouted. "CHOUJI!"

Chouji came running out. "What is it, Ino?" he asked.

"Did you find that giant leaf yet?" Ino said. "The one I requested you find so you could fan me with it?"

"Um…not yet." Chouji said. "I don't know if we have a leaf of such enormous stature in the village."

"What?" demanded Ino. "Of course we do! This is the hidden _LEAF _village!"

"That doesn't mean we have enormous leaves used for fanning people." Chouji shrugged.

"Fine!" said Ino in an exasperated tone. "Has Shikamaru finished flowers to make me a beautiful flower crown with?"

"Um…" Chouji said, looking vaguely behind him.

Meanwhile, with Team Gai…

Tenten was staring off into space, sitting down on a rock and thinking hard. Neji and Lee were waiting for her with great anticipation, but for different reasons. Lee's anticipation was due to the fact that he was excited to try out this new holiday and celebrate Tenten's womanhood. As for Neji, he just wanted the day to end and was apprehensive about what Tenten would decide they do.

"All right!" Tenten said, jerking everyone back into reality. "I've decided what we're going to do!"

She paused only to see Lee and Neji's reactions. But they were both staring at her with wide eyes waiting for her to continue, so that sort of took all the fun out of the pause.

"FIRST," Tenten began. "You two are going to have a fight."

The males looked AWFULLY confused. They could have sworn that Tenten HATED it when they fought.

"Are you sure?" Neji said. He didn't really feel like beating Lee up, and maybe there was a tumor growing on Tenten's brain that made her say absurd things.

"Yes." Tenten said. "But there's a condition. Neji… you're going to totally lose!"

Silence.

Neji was…in SHOCK.

"OMG!" shouted Lee, slapping his cheeks. He was in shock too, but in his own special way.

"And if you win then I'll make sure to tell our teachers to punish you!" Tenten warned.

Meanwhile, with Team Seven…

Er…Sakura and Sasuke…

"See, Sasuke?" laughed Sakura as she and Sasuke chilled at Burger King. "I TOLD you this would be fun!"

Sasuke decided to not even dignify that mindless comment with a response. He only glared at Sakura so hard that Sakura had to mumble something about needing ketchup to go with her French fries.

Sasuke didn't move from his exact glaring position, so when Sakura returned and found him in the same glare, she mumbled something about forgetting a straw and needing one.

When Sakura came back once again, she spotted Naruto out of the corner of her eye entering Burger King with flasks, Bunsen burners and schematics.

"Naruto, what are you doing here!" Sakura demanded as Naruto sprinted over showed some of his stuff to his two teammates.

"I discovered a cure for the common cold!" he exclaimed.

"No you didn't!" Sakura said as if she KNEW!

"No, I really did!" said Naruto as he pulled a scientist with a big mustache and huge hair out from behind his back. The scientist nodded and agreed, explaining Naruto's discovery in very technical terms while pointing to the schematics and working with the flasks, swashing them around and the like.

"I guess we'll have to hang out as a team." Sasuke said. As much as he hated 'hanging out as a team', he hated hanging out with JUST SAKURA even more.

"No!" Sakura said angrily. "Naruto, I have a new task for you! I want you find the Fountain of Youth!"

"What!" Naruto demanded. "That's impossible!"

"Hey!" said Sakura. "It's Women's History Month, which means I call the shots!"

Naruto looked like he was about to cry as he ran off to find the Fountain of Youth.

"Now we can be alone, Sasuke!" Sakura said, sitting down.

"Lucky us." Sasuke said in the most sarcastic tone EVER.

Meanwhile, with Team Eight…

"Okay, so now that we've established that we're going to hang out, what are we going to be doing, Hinata?" Kiba asked.

"I don't know…" Hinata said. "You guys can pick!"

"But it's your job to pick!" Kiba insisted.

"No, really!" Hinata said. "I don't mind!"

"But we don't want to end up doing something you don't want to do because it's your day to choose!"

"I don't care what I'm doing…as long as I'm hanging out with someone!" Hinata confessed.

"Hinata!" said Kiba, putting his hands on Hinata's shoulders. "It's your day to choose everything we do today! So you have to choose something!"

"Then I choose that I want you guys to pick what we do!" Hinata said meekly.

Kiba looked at Shino who, contrary to popular belief, was standing right there. Yes…like a TREE!

Shino shrugged, and Kiba returned the shrug.

"…Okay…" Kiba said finally.

"Is that okay?" Hinata asked.

"Of course it's okay!" Kiba announced. "You get to pick what we do! And if you pick that you want US to pick, then I guess you're still picking what we do and we can't go against it!"

"Don't complicate things." Shino advised Kiba.

The three stood there foolishly for a few seconds, each doing various activities including, but not limited to, twiddling fingers, repositioning Akamaru and absolutely nothing.

"So what do we do?" Kiba whined finally.

Meanwhile with Team Ten…

"SLAVES!" Ino screamed so the whole house shook and she rang her giant bell that was so enormous that it certainly required two hands to function.

Shikamaru and Chouji appeared in the doorway.

"It's about time!" Ino said angrily.

"You know, Ino, I think you're missing the point of Women's _History _Month." Shikamaru began.

"Oh shut up, Shikamaru!" said Ino. "You're just trying to get out of doing everything I command!"

"Well, yes." Said Shikamaru. "That and I think you're missing the point of Women's History Month."

"I am NOT because I say so!" Ino announced. "And I told you that you're not allowed to make witty remarks and here you are… making witty remarks!"

"I'm not making witty remarks." Shikamaru corrected. "I'm just saying that I think you're missing the point of Women's History Month. Face it, Ino, you're sitting up here in your room with a giant bell and ringing it every so often and making us do pointless tasks that you could easily do on your own."

"Like open a window." Chouji said.

"And then close it two minutes later." Shikamaru added.

"I got cold!" Ino defended herself.

"Yeah so…I'm outta here." Shikamaru decided.

"You can't!" Ino said, standing up. "The teachers said that if you guys don't do exactly what I say then you'll be punished!"

"Whatever punishment they have can't be worse than THIS." Shikamaru declared as he descended the stairs and exited Ino's house. Chouji quickly followed after him after shrugging innocently at Ino.

"HEY!" Ino yelled as she chased after them. "I SAID NO WITTY REMARKS!"

Meanwhile, with Team Gai…

"I never expected Neji to storm off in a fit of rage just because I told him to lose in a fight against you!" Tenten said, patting a sobbing Lee on the shoulder.

"Somehow…I think I DID know!" Lee said between wails.

"Come on, it's not that big of a deal." Tenten assured him. "I really only did that for some Neji humiliation… I'm not really into this idea of having the girls rule the day anyway."

"So what now?" Lee asked, wiping away his tears.

"Let's get Neji and go and do something!" Tenten said.

"Like what?" Lee said excitedly.

"Well… I kind of want to go miniature golfing." Tenten admitted.

Lee was surprised at first and then he shrugged. Miniature golf ruled… no matter how random it was for Tenten to suggest that!

So, after finding Neji and convincing him that miniature golf would be totally fun, the three made the trip to the local miniature golfing place that ACTUALLY goes all the way up and around the Hokage Mountain, using the mountain and its terrain as some of the courses! It's really hard to notice that the mountain is actually a miniature golf course so don't worry if you didn't know its actual purpose.

"I'm taking the green ball!" Lee announced.

"But _I _wanted the green ball!" Tenten said uncharacteristically.

"Aww…" said Lee as he handed the green ball over to Tenten who cheered for her recent defeat over Lee.

So Lee took the DARK green ball, and Neji took a regular white ball because he's THAT LAME.

"Okay…the rules of today's miniature golf game are as follows…" Tenten began as they all went to the first hole. "I always go first… and I get do-overs."

Neji rolled his eyes and made some comment about not even NEEDING do-overs so it's not like he cared, and Lee agreed whole-heartedly.

Meanwhile, with Team Seven…

"And THAT'S how I found the Fountain of Youth!" Naruto announced as he held up a bottle filled with magic water of youth. Sakura slapped her overly large forehead as she and Sasuke were on a stroll that was so interrupted by Naruto.

"I don't believe this." Sakura shook her head. "Well, your next task is that you have to find the secret of the universe!"

"What?" demanded Naruto. "This isn't fair! How come Sasuke has only had to go to Burger King and go on strolls but I have to do hard stuff like cure the common cold and find the secret of the universe?"

"Because I know you can handle it, Naruto!" Sakura assured him.

Naruto hung his head low.

Just when he was about to trudge off in a dejected fashion AGAIN, Kakashi suddenly appeared.

"Hey team." He said.

"Hi Kakashi." His team chimed… more or less.

"I have just come to inform you that we've decided that everyone has had enough of Women's History Month and therefore we are going to put an end to it!" Kakashi announced. "So you males are free to go!"

"It's about time." Said Sasuke as he immediately turned around and walked in the opposite direction.

"SASUKE!" Sakura yelled in that ear-piercing tone she does as she reached out for him.

Meanwhile, with Team Eight…

After much deliberation, Team Eight had decided to build a sandcastle. I know, I know, it's random… but what do you expect? They're a pretty random team.

"I know, Shino!" Kiba exclaimed suddenly. "We can build this sandcastle for your bugs!"

"They don't want to live in it." Shino said.

"How do you know something like that?" Kiba said, crossing his arms.

"They told me." Shino replied.

Just when Kiba was about to retort, Kurenai strolled over and observed them.

Finally, she just had to say something. "Why are you guys building a sand castle, out of sheer curiosity?"

"Why not?" they all said together.

"Okay…" Kurenai said. "Well, I came here to inform you they we have decided that Women's History Day is officially at a close so you can do whatever you want now."

"Oh." Said Kiba. "Okay."

Kurenai departed and the team looked at each other. They all gave flamboyant shrugs (yes, including Shino) and continued making their sand castle.

Meanwhile, with Team Ten…

"You guys always ruin my fun." Ino complained as she and her male compadres sat in that awesome restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table so, if they felt like it, they could cook the food right then and there ON THE TABLE as if that was normal! "When I finally get a day to boss you around, you just HAVE to walk out!"

"Well, Ino, you were taking advantage of it a little too much." Shikamaru pointed out.

"It's still not fair." Ino sighed.

"We forgive you, Ino." Chouji said.

Ino looked at Chouji with a raised eyebrow. No, TWO raised eyebrow. "What?" she said. "Who was apologizing?"

"I thought you were." Chouji said, looking a little embarrassed.

Just then, Asuma appeared. Just OUT OF THIN AIR. "Team!" he exclaimed.

"Asuma!" Ino said, standing up. "I'm actually glad that you're here for once! This is the problem; even though it's Women's History Month and Shikamaru and Chouji were supposed to do everything I told them to do they didn't and now because of that you have to punish them because you said they would if they didn't do everything I said!"

Asuma felt a little overwhelmed so he decided to disregard the fuming Ino all together. "I just came to say that Women's History Month is over in our books so you can go about your lives as if it WASN'T!"

"They were doing that anyway!" Ino yelled.

Asuma looked at Ino as she once again tried to explain the situation but it was obviously going in one ear and out the other. Exasperated, Ino finally gave up and sat back down. Asuma decided to join the group for some nice food.

Meanwhile, with Team Gai…

"Yes!" Tenten cheered. "A hole in one!"

"Of course you're going to get a hole in one if you get ten 'do-overs' of your first shot." Said Neji ALMOST under his breath. Well, it was something that SHOULD have been under his breath, but it wasn't really… at all.

"Congratulations, Tenten!" said Lee, clapping his hands.

"Now you guys get to go!" Tenten said.

Neji stepped up, placed his white ball down and casually took a swing at it without much lining up at all and it went into the hole like a magnet. Tenten frowned as Lee got up, placed his green ball down, took about five minutes to line up and get the perfect shot and then preceded to get a hole in one as well.

If Neji and Lee were pals, they probably would have slapped each other five but instead, they both went and retrieved their golf balls.

Just when Tenten was about to complain, Gai ran up. "I came to tell you something very important and that is—" he began but then got INCREDIBLY distracted. "OH! MINIATURE GOLF! I WANT TO PLAY TOO!"

Then he sprinted off to get himself a club and a ball.

Tenten and Neji gave heavy sighs, and Lee cheered as Gai returned.

"What was the very important thing you had to tell us?" Neji asked.

"Oh yes!" Gai said. "We're ending the Women's History Month celebration now. And, just so you know, the next holiday on the list is April Fool's Day!"

"I love that holiday!" exclaimed Lee.

"Right-o." said Gai. "And we're all meeting in Team Seven's training area on the first of April to commence in the celebration! So be there or be square!"

With that, Gai took a wind up and smacked the ball all the way into the month of April.


	14. April Fools!

Chapter 14- April Fools!

"How come you don't ever schedule a mission for US during a holiday?" Sakura whined to Kakashi after hearing the news that Team Eight was away on a mission for April Fool's Day.

"I would hope that you'd know by now that we don't have the power to schedule missions." Kakashi said. "When the Hokage needs a team, you have to go whether you want to or not."

"All right!" said Asuma. "It's April Fool's Day! Are you all ready to fool each other?"

Everyone more or less agreed with limited enthusiasm.

"Actually, we've decided not to do ANYTHING for April Fool's Day!" declared Gai.

Then everyone's hearts leapt.

"APRIL FOOLS!" screamed Gai and then he burst out with hysterical laughter.

Everyone…was sad.

Meanwhile…

"Besides my birthday, this was pretty much the ONLY holiday I was looking forward to and we had to MISS it!" Kiba complained as he and his team followed Kurenai, hopping through the trees. I mean, what else would they be doing?

"Kiba, that's enough of your complaining!" Kurenai commanded since Kiba had obviously been complaining for a long time.

"But it's April Fool's Day!" whined Kiba. "I was going to celebrate this holiday whether you guys forced me to or not!"

"Kiba, I swear if I hear one more thing about the fact that we had a mission on April Fool's Day then—" Kurenai started, but she quickly stopped herself when her students all stared at her with wide eyes. "I mean…let's focus on completing the mission!"

"What is the focus of our mission?" Shino asked.

Kurenai stopped in mid leap and landed in a tree, and her team crowded around her as she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and skimmed it.

"It appears as though we must travel to the Ends of the Earth in order to obtain a magical artifact that will end all wars." Kurenai said.

"What?" said her ENTIRE team. ALL THREE OF THEM.

"This has to be some kind of joke." Kurenai shook her head as she turned the paper over to see in big letters, _"APRIL FOOLS!"_

They all simultaneously slapped their foreheads because this is the most together team and they're best friends ever.

"Okay, here's our actual mission." Kurenai said after recovering from her shock as she looked UNDER the words that said 'April Fools'. "We have to go to the Sand Village and escort some genin back for the Chuunin Exam that will be held at the end of the month."

"Chuunin exam!" gasped Hinata.

"Oh yeah!" said Kurenai. "I forgot to tell you guys that I entered you all in the chuunin exam."

"How could you have forgotten to tell us?" demanded Kiba.

"Honestly, I wasn't going to at first because of the holiday thing…" Kurenai admitted. "But Gai, Asuma and Kakashi all entered THEIR students and I didn't want to be the only one not entering my students."

"You didn't have to tell us that." Shino said, sounding cross.

Kurenai shrugged and put the paper back in her pocket. They all picked up their pace until they reached the Ninja Express that is, yes, a train that exists in the World of Naruto, and rode it to the Sand Village. Why hop there when you could get there in a much more practical and timely fashion?

Meanwhile…

"I think that April Fool's Day is the stupidest day of the year, not to mention the most pointless holiday—" Sasuke ranted, but he was interrupted because he suddenly stepped on something slippery and fell back on his arse. Actually, he went ALL THE WAY, and actually landed on his back with his feet sticking straight up into the air like a fool.

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Naruto laughed, pointing directly at him as he picked up the banana peel that Sasuke had just slipped on.

"HOW DARE YOU, NARUTO!" screamed Sakura as she ran over to Naruto and punched him surely into the next holiday as Sasuke just lied there in complete shock.

"I must say, that was certainly a well placed banana peel." Commented Kakashi. "That took some sneaky ninja stealth to pull off, especially since you were standing right next to him at the time. Perhaps Naruto is better at looking underneath the underneath than I thought."

"Naruto!" Lee said, clenching his fist. "I envy you and your looking underneath the underneath skills!"

"Don't worry, Lee!" said Gai as he wrapped his arm around Lee. "At least you're the most youthful one here!"

"As if that's something to be proud of." Neji crossed his arms AND rolled his eyes at the same time. Man, he's good.

"Neji, I am so going to pull a prank on you." Tenten said. But it was IN HER MIND.

"Do you guys have any pranks planned?" Ino asked her teammates.

"I dunno." Chouji shrugged absentmindedly.

"No, that's troublesome." Shikamaru decided.

"Let us commence in the fooling!" Asuma said. "One prank is simply not enough to satisfy me!"

Meanwhile…

"Are we the only genin from the Sand Village who are taking the Chuunin Exam AGAIN?" Kankuro wondered out loud to his siblings as they hung out at the train station waiting for their escort to pick them up. Baki had disappeared a few days ago because he said he had to go to the bathroom and never returned, but they hear that he met up with a beautiful original character, fell in love with her and her mysterious past, and ran away with her into the sunset.

So…that's why they needed an escort.

Now, since the Ninja Express is really fast like a NINJA, it suddenly pulled up to the station and out came Team Eight, everyone's FAVORITE team.

"Where are the other genin?" Kurenai asked.

"We were JUST pondering that!" Kankuro said.

"Well, if you three are the only ones then let's go!" said Kurenai.

They all got back on the Ninja Express and, as the train pulled away, the frightened other Sand Genin poked their heads out of the bushes, for they were far to afraid to emerge whilst Gaara 'twas there.

"So." Said Kurenai, starting to start conversation. "Why are you guys coming so early? The exam isn't until the end of the month!"

"This is the only time we could get an escort." Temari shrugged. "It won't be that bad."

"Well…" Kurenai said. "Happy April Fool's Day!"

The Sand Siblings looked confused at first, then they looked at each other. Then they said, "Oh yeah."

"Don't tell me YOU don't celebrate holidays throughout the year!" Kurenai said.

"Tell them you do." Shino advised.

Kankuro looked at Shino and frowned, not understanding why he should LIE. And, since Shino had told him to lie, he decided that he didn't want to lie, and it's not like he saw any point to lying in the first place. "We don't." he replied. "We concern ourselves with much more important things like training!"

"This is unbelievable!" said Kurenai. "Yet…not unheard of." She glanced at her students.

The rest of the ride was pretty silent because it was awkward. Kurenai wasn't trying to start conversation anymore because she was scratching her chin thoughtfully, as if considering something of great consequence.

Meanwhile…

"Kakashi, LOOK!" exclaimed Gai. "AN EVIL NINJA!"

Kakashi spun around and was all ready for a battle, but Gai slapped his knee and chuckled at his expense. Kakashi gave Gai the evil eye as he stood back up straight and adjusted his vest.

"APRIL FOOLS!" Gai yelled.

"Thank you, Gai." Kakashi scowled.

"Yes!" said Gai. "Now the score is officially tied! 53 to 53!"

"Go Kakashi!" cheered Lee.

Gai gasped and looked at Lee who was holding a giant Kakashi flag. "Lee!" he cried.

"Just kidding!" said Lee as he spun the flag around to reveal that it actually had GAI'S face on it. "April Fools, Gai!"

"Oh, WONDERFUL!" Gai said. "Even _I_ was fooled!"

"I would NEVER cheer for Kakashi over you, Gai!" Lee assured him.

"I know that NOW!" Gai said.

"I'm bored with this holiday." Shikamaru said. "Is there any way we can just go on to the next holiday?"

"What IS the next holiday anyway?" Asuma pondered out loud.

"Halloween!" Gai announced, looking at the calendar.

Everyone frowned at him.

"APRIL FOOLS!" he screamed, and then commenced in laughing all by himself. Not even Lee could laugh at that one. "That was a good one."

Asuma took the calendar from Gai. "The next holiday is Easter." He said. "And that will be on the 11th. And guess what we'll be doing on Easter!"

Shikamaru moaned and slapped his forehead.

"What's that all about?" Asuma questioned. "I haven't even told you yet."

"I KNOW it's going to be an Easter Egg Hunt." Shikamaru said.

Asuma laughed. "Oh Shikamaru! You're so smart! That's MY chuunin student talking, you know!"

"WE KNOW." Everyone said not in a yelling tone, but certainly in a frustrated and elevated tone.

Just then, Team 8 came strolling over. That Ninja Express really helps out when you need to get someplace quick.

"Guess what we just did!" said Kurenai.

"Um…went on a mission?" Asuma tried intelligently.

"Yeah!" said Kurenai. "And it turns out we were escorting those Sand Siblings who tried to destroy the village back to this village! The one they tried to destroy! And that's not all! It turns out they're staying for the chuunin exam at the end of the month and I asked them if they wanted to celebrate holidays with us until then and they said YES!"

Everyone paused for a few seconds, staring at each other, and then all simultaneously erupted into hysterical laughter.

"Oh Kurenai!" said Gai. "You SLAY me!"

"You had me going for a minute there." Kakashi admitted.

"What?" said Kurenai. "It's true."

"Kurenai, the joke's over." Said Asuma. "You can exclaim 'April Fools' now. We're all quite hardened to April Fools jokes at this point in time."

"Yeah, Sasuke tripped on a banana peel." Naruto said, but he was hardly finished saying that sentence before he was attacked by a mass of estrogen that was displeased with his statement.

"I'm serious though." Kurenai said once the attention had been drawn away from Naruto's steaming heap on the ground.

"Sure you are." Said Kakashi in a very condescending manner. "Students, I think we're done here with April Fools jokes because I doubt ANYTHING could top Kurenai's joke just now."

The students and teachers all departed until only Kurenai and her students remained.

"Why didn't you guys back me up?" Kurenai demanded of her pupils.

"You mean you were serious?" Kiba said. "Was I in the bathroom when that conversation transpired?"

"I think you were, Kiba." Shino said. "Remember how you went to the bathroom but you couldn't find it so you came back and asked me to help you find it and then Akamaru fell in the toilet and you had to get him out?"

"Oh yeah." Said Kiba with a nod as he pet Akamaru who whined a bit in remembrance of falling in the toilet.

"What's you're excuse, Hinata?" Kurenai asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Um…" Hinata stammered. "I uh…I thought you were joking with them. And I thought they were joking when they agreed."

"It IS April Fool's Day." Kiba pointed out.

"Thank you for that insight, Kiba." Kurenai said, rolling her eyes.

"No problem!" said Kiba, proud of himself.

"All right, all right." Said Kurenai, throwing her hands up in the air. Not literally, of course. "You guys are dismissed. I'll see you on the eleventh for an Easter Egg Hunt!"

"Bye Kurenai!" cheered her students cheerfully. Well, except Shino.


	15. Easter

Chapter 15- Easter

"Kurenai, April Fool's Day ended MANY days ago so why you're continuing with this foolish jest is beyond me!" Gai declared as he and his three jounin pals strolled nonchalantly to the appointed meeting place they had scheduled their students to meet them in.

"But it's TRUE!" Kurenai insisted. "I really DID invite Gaara, Temari and Kankuro to celebrate Easter and all the following holidays with us until the Chuunin exam ended!"

All the males chuckled at Kurenai's crazy feminine stupidity just as they rounded the corner to see all their students standing idly by with a certain apprehension as they glanced in the direction of the Sand Siblings who were also standing idly by, not knowing why everyone was SO gosh darned apprehensive about them! Actually, they probably did know, they just pretended as though they didn't because they're silly.

"Um…" mumbled the male teachers as Kurenai went over to greet them. And they were all like: Hey! And Shino was all like: No.

"Are we even wanted here?" said Kankuro, looking over at the twelve ORIGINAL students.

"Of COURSE you are!" Kurenai exclaimed even though that was SO FAR from the truth. Kurenai then looked at the other teachers who were standing there avoiding eye contact the best they could, so she cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Oh yes!" said Asuma. "Um…Easter! Happy Easter everyone!"

"Why do we celebrate Easter?" Kiba asked.

"We celebrate the day Jesus rose from the dead." Kakashi answered.

"Who's Jesus?" Naruto asked. "Is he a ninja?"

"Um…no." said Kakashi. "He is God's son."

"What was He doing on Earth?" questioned Chouji.

"God sent him to earth to save us from our sins." Kakashi replied.

"What's a sin?" asked Lee.

"Bad things that people do." Kakashi explained.

"Why did he have to save us from our sins?" asked Sasuke with a raised eyebrow.

"The Bible says that every person in the whole world has sinned and deserves to be punished."

"So why did He send His Son to save us from something we deserved to be punished for?" asked Ino.

"God loves us so much that He gave us His Son Jesus to be punished in our place." Kakashi said, and at this point, the other teachers were staring at Kakashi and were like, "What?"

"What?" said the other teachers as they stared at Kakashi.

"Jesus had to die on a cross. But three days later, He came to life again." Kakashi went on.

"How is that possible?" asked Temari.

"Jesus is even more powerful than death." Kakashi concluded.

There was silence.

"Okay…so why are we having an Easter Egg Hunt?" Tenten said finally. "What has that got to do with this Jesus guy?"

"How am I supposed to know?" said Kakashi.

"Okay…with all that being said…" Asuma said cautiously. "We have hidden a total of five hundred eggs all over Konoha! Whichever team brings back the most eggs to this spot wins!"

"You guys have a lot of spare time, don't you?" said Neji.

"Yes." Said Gai. "Yes we do."

"And when you say 'team', do you mean our actual teams or are you going to mindlessly mix them all up?" Shikamaru asked.

"Don't be silly!" said Kurenai. "It is SO far from mindless!"

"Yes, we quite THOUGHTFULLY picked everyone's names out of a hat!" Asuma agreed.

"There will be three teams of five." Said Kakashi.

"The first team is Gaara, Hinata, Chouji, Neji, and Sasuke!" said Gai.

"The second team is Ino, Temari, Tenten, Sakura and Shikamaru!" announced Kakashi.

"And the final team is Naruto, Lee, Shino, Kiba and Kankuro!" finished Kurenai.

"What?" said Shikamaru in his COMPLAINING tone. "I am with ALL GIRLS. That is troublesome."

"Do you have a problem with girls?" said Temari in her IN YOUR FACE tone.

"Didn't I just say?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "They're troublesome."

"All right!" said Gai. "That's enough complaining! Everyone get going before certain teams win!"

With that, the students scattered. Even though they were doing something meaningless with their time, it was a competition and therefore there were some who NEEDED to win.

"This doesn't make any sense." Shikamaru went on as the females on his team. "It's obvious to see how the teams are divided. Our regular teams of three are separated so that each person is on one of the new teams of five. Except FOR SOME REASON, they kept Shino and Kiba on the same team, and me and Ino on the same team."

"Will you stop complaining?" demanded Ino.

"No." said Shikamaru, crossing his arms childishly.

"You know, if you didn't convince yourself that you hated girls so much, you would realize just how LUCKY you are to be constantly surrounded by them!" Tenten said.

"I'M not fascinated with Shikamaru." Said Sakura as if she was above the world.

"I never said you were." Said Tenten.

"You IMPLIED it." Sakura said.

"No I didn't." Tenten corrected. "I was saying that perhaps Shikamaru was fascinated with US, he just didn't know it because he's always busy complaining!"

"Well, I don't care if Shikamaru is fascinated with us." Said Temari. "Because he's annoying and weak."

"I agree!" Ino said. "He IS annoying and weak!"

"This is why I don't like women." Said Shikamaru.

Meanwhile…

"We are DEFINITELY going to find the most eggs." Said Sasuke as he just stood there doing NOTHING and watched Neji reach behind a tree and pull out an egg.

"Yeah!" agreed Chouji. "With TWO Hyuugas on our team who can use their Byakugan to find the eggs, there's no way we can lose!"

Hinata felt a little awkward.

Neji glared at Hinata.

Hinata felt intimidated AND awkward.

And then she caught Gaara out of the corner of her eye looking evil.

So she felt scared, intimidated AND awkward.

And then she looked at Sasuke and got mildly infatuated with his beauty.

So she felt embarrassed, scared, intimidated AND awkward.

She tried not to look at Chouji in fear that another thing might happen that would make her look stupid.

So she felt stupid, embarrassed, scared, intimidated AND awkward.

But all that looked like to the people standing around her was Hinata looking around with shifty eyes and standing there appearing miserable and blushing and staring at her feet. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"So let's find some more eggs." Said Sasuke.

"You mean, 'YOU GUYS find more eggs'." Neji said.

"Maybe." Said Sasuke. "Fine. If you want to put it like that."

Meanwhile…

"YAHOO!" cheered Kiba as he reached into a bush and pulled out an egg. "We are going to win for sure! Right, Akamaru?" Akamaru barked.

"YEAH!" said Lee as if Kiba had addressed his question to him. "There's no way we could lose with my youth and your superb finding things skills and Naruto's enthusiasm for life!"

"We'll beat that stupid Sasuke for sure!" Naruto said ambitiously. "And we have Shino and Kankuro on our team too—"

The three of them turned around to find that Shino and Kankuro were not standing there.

They looked at each other and then got extremely distracted from the task at hand.

"SHINO!" Kiba called through cupped hands. "SHINO, WHERE ARE YOU?"

"And KANKURO!" Lee screamed.

"SHINO AND KANKURO!" Naruto yelled loudly.

"Where could they be?" wondered Kiba, putting his hands on his hips as they wandered into a clearing and tripped over a steaming heap lying on the ground. After a few good moments of inspection, they discovered that this steaming heap was ACTUALLY Kankuro.

"GASP!" gasped Lee. "What has happened here?"

"Surely there is an evil ninja about!" Kiba concluded. "I hope Shino's all right!"

"We have to search for him!" said Naruto. The three of them ran off, leaving the gravely wounded Kankuro in the dust to twitch.

Meanwhile…

"This is crazy!" Temari said. "I should be training for the Chuunin Exam, not having an Easter Egg Hunt!"

"We haven't even found any eggs yet." Tenten said woefully.

"Have we even looked?" Sakura asked.

"And who can we blame for that?" Ino said.

"Shikamaru!" all four of them yelled at once as they turned to Shikamaru who had his fingers in his ears, obviously trying his best to block them out.

"How is this MY fault?" he demanded.

"YOU'RE the one with the Y chromosome!" said Ino. "You're supposed to take charge and tell us what to do so we can find the most Easter Eggs!"

"I can't believe you're blaming me for the fact we have no eggs just because I have a Y chromosome." Shikamaru said.

"Well believe it." Said Tenten. "Because that's exactly what we're doing."

Meanwhile…

"How many eggs do we have?" said Sasuke. He and the rest of his team were walking around with their shirts held out like baskets in order to carry their abundance of eggs.

"It's got to be at least a hundred." Chouji said as he pulled a random number completely out of his ass.

"That's not enough." Sasuke decided. "We have to get at least two hundred and fifty-one to assure that we have the most."

"I think you're taking this competition a little two seriously." Neji said.

"You're one to talk." Sasuke retorted immediately.

"What do you mean?" Neji said. "I have a completely laid back attitude about this whole stupid thing."

"That's not true." Said Sasuke. "I can tell you're OBSESSED with winning."

"Sasuke, just because YOU'RE obsessed with winning doesn't mean that everyone else is too." Neji commented. "And if you figured that out, maybe you'd be less obsessed."

Sasuke looked so shocked that he actually dropped all the eggs he was carrying on the ground.

Gaara looked up vaguely from his current activity of finding another egg.

Hinata decided that she was going to get away… FAR away. Before she was killed by the two Number One Rookies of their respective years, one of which wouldn't mind all that much if she somehow ended up lost in the fray and got murdered in the end.

Chouji was like: I wish these eggs were real so I could EAT them!

Meanwhile…

Lee suddenly had an epiphany as the team searched through bushes in an attempt to find Shino. "Kiba, tell Akamaru to sniff out Shino!" he declared.

"No." said Kiba.

Everyone paused. "Why?" said Naruto, looking annoyed.

"He was mean to me." Kiba replied. "I'm giving him the silent treatment."

"Then tell him you were with his mom last night or something." Said Naruto. "Better yet, tell him that _I _was with his mom! And I still am!"

"Akamaru can see that you're right here so he wouldn't fall for that." Kiba pointed out. "Besides, I already said that I wasn't talking to him."

Just then, Shino rounded the corner.

"SHINO!" everyone exclaimed as they ran over to hug him. By this time, they had all worried themselves SO much that they had actually convinced themselves that Shino was like… their best friend ever. Of course, he's KIBA'S best friend ever, but it's not like Naruto and Lee even know him.

Shino promptly pushed them away, and they promptly explained the state they found Kankuro in and the conclusion they came to. Shino slapped his forehead and said that he had been the one to cause Kankuro's slow demise for what he did to him in the Chuunin Exam, and everyone enjoyed a good chuckle that they had worked themselves up over nothing!

"If that's so, Shino, where have you been all this time?" Kiba asked.

"Collecting eggs." Shino replied as he gestured for them to follow and they all did OF COURSE and found a small little nest of eggs that Shino had created. Well, actually, it wasn't all that small considering there were probably about three hundred eggs sitting there.

"Oh my GOODNESS, Shino!" exclaimed Lee, slapping his cheeks.

"How did you find so many?" Naruto inquired.

"I saw one, and then I saw another." Said Shino. "I kept picking them up until I had this many. I tend to do weird things like that. I'm pretty weird, you know."

"Yeah…we know…" said the other three.

Meanwhile…

"Hey, isn't that Kakashi?" Shikamaru said, pointing at Kakashi who was puttering around across the way. At this point, Shikamaru was willing to do ANYTHING to distract the girls from their continuous onslaught of personal attacks!

Sure enough, Kakashi was there and he was holding a basket filled with eggs. He looked as though he was in the process of hiding them and, as the girls and Shikamaru approached him, he appeared awfully surprised.

"Look at all the eggs!" exclaimed Ino happily.

"Give them to us, Kakashi!" commanded Sakura.

"Um…" Kakashi said, obviously not expecting them to find him. He had been in the midst of hiding the silly devils! "Er…you can't have these eggs unless you answer these questions."

"You're kidding, right?" said Tenten.

"You must look underneath the underneath if you want to acquire the eggs!" said Kakashi.

"Fine, just give us the questions then!" said Temari, sounding annoyed.

"Okay…" said Kakashi. "What is the rate in which chakra flows through your body while you're jumping in the air compared to the ratio of chakra in an inanimate object that's up against a—"

"Kakashi!" said Gai, coming out of nowhere. "You better not be making them answer questions to get the eggs!"

"I'm not!" said Kakashi defensively.

"Yes he was." Said the students.

"Give them the eggs." Said Gai. "It's YOUR fault for hiding them too slow."

"Fine…" said Kakashi as he handed over his basket. The basket only had about twenty eggs, but that was more than their ZERO.

Meanwhile…

"Well, it's official." Kiba said. "We have a total of three hundred and eleven eggs!"

The team cheered. They had dragged Kankuro's steaming heap over to where their nest of eggs were just so he could experience the joy of having all those eggs!

"That means that no matter how many eggs the other teams get, we win." Naruto concluded.

Just then, Asuma walked over. "I overheard." He said as he pulled out his cell phone since he HAS one. It rang a few times. "Kakashi?" he said after the other person had picked up. "It's me, Asuma. Gather the others and meet me right outside my team's training area."—pause—"You have to gather them because I'm gathering you!"—pause—"Then just gather Gai and have Gai gather Kurenai! I don't care!"—pause---"No, Iruka's not invited!"—pause—"Just because!"

Asuma got so frustrated that he just hung up the phone on Kakashi since he was being really annoying. And then he stood there silently, leaving the team of five to look curiously at each other, wondering what just transpired.

"Just so you know," Asuma said. "Since you guys win, we're calling off the egg hunt."

"YAY!" cheered the ridiculously enthusiastic team, with the exception of Shino who sounded more along the lines of; "No."

It didn't take long for the jounin teachers to gather, since their jounins and all. Asuma explained the situation to them and they all nodded and said, "Aha!"

"I knew it right away." Asuma said.

"I knew it BEFORE it happened!" said Gai.

After a bit of argumentation when it came to deciding who knew it FIRST, they gathered the students and announced victory to the Ridiculously Enthusiastic Team With the Exception of Shino Who's Like; "No."

"So do we get a prize?" requested Kiba as Sasuke went off to cry. But not really. ON THE INSIDE.

"Nope." Said Kakashi, but Asuma hit him on the head.

"Yes they do!" he said crossly.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head. "Oh yeah." He said, frowning at Asuma but it's not like Asuma KNEW! And even if he did know, I doubt he'd care.

"Your prize is this;" Kurenai said as she pulled five REAL eggs out from behind her back. They were all decorated and they looked gorgeous.

"Seriously?" said Shino, looking annoyed.

"Yes!" said Kurenai, looking proud of herself. She probably stayed up all night decorating them.

So the team shrugged at each other and peeled their eggs. Shino was an EGG-xpert because he could peel his egg all in one peel! It was AMAZING. Kiba, Naruto and Lee and no such luck, and Kankuro was still a steaming heap so he couldn't peel his egg at all! Everyone who lost didn't really care that they lost now because the prize was so lame, but Sasuke cared because he didn't like that Naruto had a win over him… even if it WAS something stupid! Chouji cared too, because he had earlier wished that the eggs were real so he could eat them and now he was sad that he couldn't eat them. But then he stole Kankuro's and was happy again.

After the eggs were devoured, someone asked what the next holiday was.

"Next up is 'Opposite Day'!" exclaimed Gai.

"That's not a real holiday!" yelled an enraged person who was annoyed enough that they had to celebrate REAL holidays let alone FAKE ones.

"Oh yes it is." Gai said adamantly.

"We will be celebrating on the 21st." said Kurenai.

"Hang on." Said Neji. "The Chuunin Exam starts on the 23rd. I would like to be training, not celebrating a fake holiday."

"You will be there or else I will pull you out of the tournament!" threatened Gai.

Neji grumbled… but that's not anything NEW.

"Are we required to come?" Temari asked.

"No." said all the teachers. They didn't even want them there in the first place, so if there was a way to get rid of them then they were eager to jump at the chance.

"Okay!" said Asuma. "To sum it all up… Kakashi?"

"Opposite Day is on the 21st in Kurenai's training area." Kakashi dictated. "If you think you're too cool for Opposite Day then you will not be entered in the Chuunin Exam."

And the students then scattered, hoping to get their training in BEFORE Opposite Day.

**Okay...um... our website kind of died and we don't know why cause we can't get in touch with our host. If anyone is a FTP host out there and is willing to house our enormous space and bandwidth consuming site, please contact us ASAP because we feel pieces of us are dying inside when we can't access and update our site.**


	16. Opposite Day

Chapter 16- Opposite Day

"For Opposite Day…" Gai started. "It will be the funnest day yet!"

"By 'funnest' do you mean 'not funnest' since it's Opposite Day and all?" questioned Shikamaru.

Gai laughed. "That's a childish way of celebrating Opposite Day!"

"Instead, we're going to have a tournament!" Asuma announced.

Everyone was confused.

"What does that have to do with Opposite Day?" asked Kiba but he regretted it a second later.

"I'm glad you asked!" said Kurenai. "We have written all your names down on a piece of paper! You will pick the name out of a hat and you will pretend to be that person while you're fighting!"

There were a few glares and a LOT of skeptics.

"WELL?" said Gai. "PICK NAMES!"

Everyone gave hefty jumps of surprise and then quickly ran up and each took a paper. They showed their papers to the teacher and they wrote down all the names.

"This is troublesome…" said Shikamaru as the teachers wrote the name down.

"Hinata wouldn't say that!" said Kurenai since Shikamaru did, in fact, get Hinata's name.

"Shino, how do I be you?" Chouji asked.

"Like bugs." Shino answered.

"Yeah…what about relationships?" Chouji asked.

"With who?" Shino said.

"Anyone." Chouji replied.

"Well, as far as I know, no one really likes me." Shino said.

"What about your relationships with other people?" Chouji tried.

"I don't have any." Shino said.

"All right…" said Chouji. "But that doesn't really help me."

"It's true." Shino said. "It's pretty easy to be me."

"Kiba, I'll show you how to be a proper Lee!" yelled Gai as he charged towards Kiba (who obviously had picked Lee's name) with his fist forward, but Kiba winced and covered his face. Gai stopped his running. "You're not supposed to cower in fear! You're supposed to take it like a man and then learn some kind of life lesson from me!"

"I don't want to be punched…" whined Kiba.

"THE REAL LEE WOULD WANT TO BE PUNCHED!" yelled Gai.

"PUNCH ME, GAI!" yelled Lee, jumping out in front of Gai.

"No!" said Gai, burying his face in his hands and beginning to cry. "I mustn't because I would never punch Neji no matter how much I WANT to!"

"Oh Gai!" said Lee, since he was Neji and all.

"Lee!" said Gai. The two of them joined hands as the sun began setting behind them. "WAIT!" Gai yelled, dropping Lee's hands. "I would never do THAT with Neji either."

"ALAS!" said Lee, crying into his hands as well.

"And Neji would never say or do that either!" said Kiba.

"We're not doing a very good job so far…" said Lee. "Let me try being Neji!" He pointed at Kiba. "YOU are a loser!"

"GOOD JOB, LEE!" said Gai.

"Actually, I think I might have said it too loud…" said Lee. "Maybe it should be more like… you… LOSER!"

"No, no, that's STILL too loud." Advised Kiba.

"You loser." Said Lee, trying it out.

"Add a little pause between you and loser." Said Gai.

"You…loser." Lee said finally.

"I don't act like that." Said Neji.

"Yes you do." Said everyone.

"Let's get this tournament started…" said Kakashi since he was getting antsy and bored.

"This is SO troublesome." Said Shikamaru.

"Stop saying that." Said Kurenai. "Hinata has never said that ever."

"We have already paired you up so the fights will be meaningful and make you act passionate and into the battle!" announced Gai.

"First off, we will have best friends face each other in a fight!" said Asuma, looking dramatic. "Poor Chouji and Shikamaru were put up against each other! Which means, of course, that Sasuke, as Shikamaru, and Tenten, as Chouji, will be fighting each other."

"You have to act like it's the hardest thing ever." Said Kakashi, putting a hand on each of their shoulders.

"This whole thing is rather…" Sasuke searched for the right word.

"Troublesome?" Shikamaru offered.

"I refuse to say that." Sasuke said.

"All right!" said Kurenai. "Let's begin the match! Sasuke and Tenten? AKA Shikamaru and Chouji? Whenever you're ready!"

"Let's just end this quickly." Said Sasuke. He was just about to do some kind of super death move on Tenten when Asuma came out of nowhere and thwacked him on the back of the head.

"NO!" he yelled. "It is most difficult for you to fight Chouji! He's your best friend! It's too hard!"

Sasuke looked like he was in shock for a moment. Had he just been hit upside the head? He looked at Asuma. "Would you normally hit Shikamaru like that?" he questioned, sounding irritated.

"Not normally." Said Asuma, looking like he was going to cry. "But you gave me no choice."

Sasuke looked at Shikamaru who couldn't be less interested.

"You're saying that even in a tournament situation you wouldn't attack Chouji?" said Sasuke to Shikamaru.

"I never said that." Said Shikamaru with a shrug. "THEY said that."

"Now do it RIGHT this time!" said Asuma. "No saying 'let's just end this quickly'!"

"Fine." Said Sasuke rolling his eyes and then looking at Tenten. "Do you have any ideas on what to do?"

"I didn't even know that Shikamaru and Chouji were friends." Tenten said with a shrug.

"Can we have a hint?" asked Sasuke.

Asuma groaned. "In this position," he started. "Neither would be able to attack each other. So either one of you has to have an internal battle and then quickly forfeit before the other person or Shikamaru would think up a really big and complicated plan so that it would look like Chouji won even though he didn't do anything!"

"I forfeit then!" said Tenten.

"AFTER an internal battle!" yelled Asuma.

"Right…" said Tenten as she nodded her head back and forth, looking like she was thinking, then she looked around, bit her lip and then looked forward again. "I cannot fight you, Shikamaru! I forfeit!"

"I WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT!" yelled Asuma.

"We're doing exactly what you told us to do!" said Sasuke.

"You BOTH have to battle internally and surprise each other when the other person forfeits before you do." said Kakashi.

"I WAS battling internally." Said Sasuke. "You just couldn't tell because I'm Shikamaru."

"He has a point there." Said Gai.

"I want him to come up with a plan though…" said Asuma sadly.

"No, that battle was sufficient." Said Kurenai. "Shikamaru is the winner because Chouji has forfeited!"

"Shikamaru, your battle tactics are worse than I thought." Said Sasuke.

"That's SO not what would happen." Sighed Shikamaru.

"Our next battle is a TERRIBLE one!" said Asuma. "Once again, a Hyuuga from the Main House and a Hyuuga from the Branch House are matched up against each other! Yes, this is a fight between Neji and Hinata! However… it's actually a fight between Lee as Neji and Shikamaru as Hinata."

"Just remember, Neji has to win because he's bitter and stronger." Said Gai, waving a little Neji flag.

"And remember all you spectators, you have to be acting like your switched selves so don't forget that much!" Kurenai reminded the students.

Lee quickly tied his forehead protector onto his forehead, then pointed dramatically at Shikamaru. "You seem to want to know about the hatred in the Hyuuga family!" Lee yelled. "Well, I'll SHOW you!" Then he ripped off the forehead protector dramatically. "LOOK AT THIS!"

"Lee, keep in mind that Shikamaru is Hinata who is also apart of the Hyuuga family." Gai said.

"Oh right!" said Lee as he put his forehead protector back on.

"I don't say that." said Neji but he was in Denial City.

"So anyway…" Shikamaru continued. "I stand here helplessly while you badmouth me, then whoever is playing Naruto ("Hey, that's ME!" Ino yelled.) will yell some support to me… I'll try but you end up kicking my butt anyway. Just don't do it for real though."

"No, it HAS to be for real!" said Kurenai. "Otherwise it won't work!"

"I'd rather not be mortally wounded." Said Shikamaru.

"If I don't go in for the kill then this whole thing will be pointless." Said Lee as he got into his fighter's stance.

"That's not Neji's stance!" said Tenten.

"Chouji wouldn't say that." Said Asuma.

"That's right!" said Lee as he got into Neji's stance instead. "Fear my wrath, Hinata! I hate you and the Main House and your father!"

With that, he charged towards Shikamaru who was a little hesitant on getting mortally wounded by Lee who was Neji and pretending to be on the warpath. So he quickly jumped out of the way.

"I see you're running away!" said Lee. "It's because YOU'RE in the Main House and I'm in the Branch House! I'm sure you've seen THIS before!" He ripped off the forehead protector and dramatically pointed at where his curse seal WOULD be if he had one.

"I did that ONCE." Said Neji, looking offended, annoyed and embarrassed all at the same time. "Lee, you're a failure at being me."

"Can I just forfeit?" asked Shikamaru.

"No!" said Kurenai. "Hinata would never forfeit even if Kiba told her to!"

She cleared her throat as she looked at Sakura. "EVEN IF KIBA TOLD HER TO!" she said more loudly.

"Oh right!" said Sakura. "Hinata, you really should forfeit."

"All right." Said Shikamaru.

"No, I said that Hinata would fight on EVEN IF Kiba said to forfeit!" Kurenai repeated.

"Sorry, Shikamaru!" said Hinata.

"Sasuke would never say sorry." Said Kakashi.

"Sorry!" said Hinata. "I mean…uh…"

"You and your MAIN House!" said Lee out of nowhere, pointing at Shikamaru after putting his forehead protector back on. "You're nothing! You're just…a loser."

"Lee, you're taking this too seriously." Said Shikamaru.

"IT'S OPPOSITE DAY!" said Lee. "It must be so!"

"Oh Lee, if only you weren't pretending to be Neji right now then I would punch you and have a dramatic scene with you!" said Gai as tears poured down his face. Then he turned to Kiba who was standing innocently next to him and punched HIM instead! While Kiba was still recovering from his shock of being randomly punched, Gai grabbed his hands. "Oh Lee!"

"Don't punch me!" whined Kiba.

"You ruined the moment!" said Gai. "I SAID… OH LEE!"

Kiba moaned. "Gai!" he said finally.

"You must work hard to be a good ninja!" said Gai.

"If I can't win my match against the person I fight then I'll do a hundred push-ups and if I can't—"

"It's not about you two." interrupted Kakashi. "We have to watch Lee and Shikamaru and make sure they do a good job being other people."

"I'm just not interested in getting injured in a pointless Opposite Day tournament." Said Shikamaru as he tried to avoid and block Lee's constant attack.

"We have to make this more realistic!" said Lee.

"I'd rather not." Said Shikamaru, grabbing both Lee's wrists and holding him in place. "As Shikamaru, I would like to forfeit this match."

"Shikamaru!" said Asuma. "You can't do that!"

"I am and I just did." Said Shikamaru.

Kurenai cleared her throat. "Since Shikamaru clearly is not going to fulfill the necessities of this match, we'll just have to end it." she said. "And move on to the next one! It's easy to see that Shino and Kiba have had a quiet rivalry ever since they were put on the same team so this match is between the two of them! When they will, in fact, actually be Sakura pretending to be Kiba and Chouji pretending to be Shino."

"We have a quiet rivalry?" said Shino to Kiba.

Kiba shrugged and then took Akamaru off his head. "All right, Akamaru, you have to pretend that Sakura's me for this match, okay?" he said. Akamaru barked at him. "I know she's not me but our teachers are psychotic and they want us to do silly things like this."

Akamaru barked and barked at Sakura.

"Well?" said Sakura. "What did he say?"

Kiba didn't respond right away. "Do I have to…say all of it?" he said nervously.

"LEE, NOOO!" yelled Gai as he punched Kiba again.

"Stop!" whined Kiba.

"Oh Lee…" said Gai, grabbing Kiba's hands. "Where did I go wrong? I was trying to teach you to be a great ninja!"

"Just don't punch me anymore!" Kiba begged.

"KIBA!" yelled Gai, punching Kiba again. "This is IMPORTANT! Why can't you learn this simple thing?"

That's when the rest of the people standing idly by cleared their throats.

"Should I do anything?" Chouji asked Kurenai. "Or should I just still hang out with my hands in my pockets?"

"No, you should do something." Kurenai replied.

"All right then!" said Chouji. "I forfeit."

"WHAT!" yelled everyone.

"How can I pretend to be Shino if I can't fight with bugs?" Said Chouji. "I've been thinking about it. There's no possible way."

"Same here since Kiba's dog isn't cooperating!" said Sakura.

"Fine…whatever…" said Kurenai.

Chouji and Sakura walked back over to the group of spectators. Shino turned and stared at Chouji with dramatic music.

"What?" said Chouji uneasily.

"I would NEVER forfeit." Said Shino in the scariest and lowest voice EVER.

"Well…I wasn't saying that you would…" Chouji said quickly.

"The next battle is the most dramatic of all!" said Gai. "Two rivals who have been itching for a fight ever since before anyone can remember! Sasuke and Naruto! But the REAL Sasuke and Naruto will have to wait for that fight because it will actually be a fight between Ino as Naruto and Hinata as Sasuke."

"Um…I'm… Naruto!" said Ino. "And…er… I haven't showered in a week!"

"No, this is where you would say that you're going to be the Hokage." said Kakashi.

"And I never go a week without showering!" said Naruto. "Maybe a couple of days, but never a WEEK!"

"Fine then…I'm going to be the Hokage!" said Ino.

"And…" said Hinata, looking towards Kakashi for help.

Kakashi groaned. "You're supposed to reply with, 'No you're not, you're so full of yourself Naruto!'" he said.

"Oh, okay!" said Hinata. "No you're not! You're so full of yourself Naruto!" She glanced over at Sasuke to see if she was doing an evil pompous squint well enough. She wasn't and even though she tried, she still didn't have it.

"Now what?" asked Ino.

"You two!" said Asuma. "You have to think of some things to do on your own! Kakashi, stop prompting them!"

"All right…what's something Naruto always does…?" Ino said thoughtfully. Then she performed a hand seal. "Bunshin no Jutsu!" Since Ino's not as mad awesome as Naruto at producing Bunshins, only four or five Inos appeared.

"Use the Sharingan!" Kiba advised Hinata from the sidelines.

"Oh…okay!" said Hinata as she turned on the Byakugan since she doesn't really have a Sharingan. She stood there for a second or two. "Um…I don't know how to fight without the Gentle Fist."

"I don't really want to attack Hinata." Said Ino.

"You HAVE to!" said Gai. "Remember, you're Naruto and you want to defeat Sasuke because you're in love with Sakura but if you beat Sasuke then Sakura will realize that you're strong too!"

"In fact, Sakura should probably be cheering for Sasuke on the sidelines." Said Kurenai, looking at Neji.

"No." said Neji, crossing his arms. Not only did he refuse to 'cheer' but he refused to cheer for Hinata.

"Is anything going to happen!" demanded Asuma.

"I really don't want to maim Hinata." Said Ino.

"And I don't want to be maimed." Hinata said.

"Neither Naruto or Sasuke would ever say those things." Said Kakashi. "They'd simultaneously maim each other."

"I would not be maimed." Said Sasuke. "I'd do the maiming."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" yelled Naruto. "You would be SO maimed!"

"I was just saying that Hinata would get maimed because she's not really doing anything!" Ino said.

"Fine!" said Kakashi. "End this fight before I am embarrassed any more."

"Then it's a draw!" said Gai.

"Um…we'll put our fight on hold for now, Naruto!" said Hinata. She looked at Kakashi. "Was that okay?"

Kakashi only slapped his forehead in response.

"Next up is a fight between childhood friends but now sworn enemies!" said Asuma. "They are rivals for Sasuke's LOVE! And that is Ino and Sakura. But not the Ino and Sakura that we have come to know! Actually, Naruto as Ino and Neji as Sakura."

"I am SO not pretending to love Sasuke." Said Naruto.

"I'm not pretending to love Hinata." Said Neji. "Who is Sasuke."

"You still have to have a fight." Said Kurenai.

"Fine!" said Naruto, pointing at Neji. Then he pulled out a shuriken, grabbed a tiny piece of his hair and cut it off. "Haha! I will defeat you!"

Then he tossed the tiny lock of hair at Neji's feet.

"That was very convincing!" said Asuma.

"Except I wouldn't say, 'Haha, I will defeat you'." Ino said.

"Neji, now you have to dramatically cut your hair too." Said Naruto.

"Why would I have to do that?" said Neji.

"Because that's all Sakura does!" Naruto said.

"HEY!" said Sakura.

"I'm not cutting my hair." Neji said.

"Well, let's fight now!" said Naruto as he got all ready to do so.

He then ran up to Neji and went to attack him, but, without saying anything, Neji backhanded Naruto across the face.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "That's not real fighting!"

"I honestly know where that came from." Neji admitted. Then he looked over at the teachers who were standing idly by. "I'm going to forfeit."

"YOU CAN'T FORFEIT, NEJI!" yelled Gai.

"I'm not Neji, I'm Sakura." Said Neji. "And since I'm Sakura, I can forfeit."

"I've never forfeited anything!" said Sakura.

"But I kind of want to pretend to be Ino…" said Naruto sadly. "Can we fight for just a minute?"

"No." Neji said.

"How about half a minute?" Naruto tried.

"No." Neji said, sounding more annoyed. "This match is over."

"I would NEVER forfeit, especially to Ino!" said Sakura.

Ino was happy because, even though she didn't TECHNICALLY beat Sakura, in a weird sort of way she did.

"And our last match doesn't have any sort of rhyme or reason to the pairing, it's just the leftover people!" said Kurenai. "Meaning that it's Lee versus Tenten… except it's actually Kiba versus Shino!"

"Isn't it ironic that another fight was Kiba versus Shino except it was actually Sakura and Chouji and now it's this fight?" said Kiba, turning around to only see a fist. Luckily, he ducked his head down just in time to miss another one of Gai's punches.

"LEE!" said Gai. "I was giving you a good luck punch."

"I don't need a good luck punch." Said Kiba, backing away from him.

"I actually don't know how I would potentially fight in a battle against Tenten…" said Lee, rubbing his chin.

"This'll be a good fight because neither opponent will forfeit." Said Asuma.

"Wow!" said Kurenai. "Someone has forfeited in EVERY match!"

"That's lame." Said Kakashi. "You're all lame."

"Hey, you guys FORCED us to forfeit." Sasuke said.

"Let's see…" said Shino, taking a huge mass of shuriken out of his butt pouch. "This is all you do, right Tenten?"

"Right!" said Tenten.

Shino held the shuriken for a moment. "I'm not really used to fighting like this." He said finally.

"Don't tell me you're going to forfeit!" said Kurenai.

"No." said Shino, looking offended. "I NEVER forfeit."

"I'M not used to this new fighting style either!" said Kiba. "Even though I do know how to punch and kick and stuff. But now I don't have Akamaru to fight with me…"

Shino raised the shuriken and then tossed them at Kiba. The shuriken went right towards him, but luckily Kiba wasn't impaled numerous times because he jumped out of the way just in time. "This will take some getting used to." Said Shino, pulling out more shuriken.

"What cool stuff can you do, Lee?" asked Kiba.

"The Lotus!" said Lee excitedly.

"NO LEE!" yelled Gai, turning around and punching Lee. "You're not supposed to do that unless you're protecting an important person!"

"Oh Gai!" said Lee, grabbing Gai's hands.

Then they paused.

"I mean…how dare you punch me!" said Lee, tearing away from him and ripping off the forehead protector. "LOOK AT THIS! I hate the Main House!"

"Neji, put the Main House behind you…" said Gai, turning away dramatically.

"Gai, stop constantly making all these fights about you and Lee." Said Kakashi.

"This time it's about me and NEJI." Said Gai.

"I don't just go around saying that sort of stuff." Said Neji. "And Gai, you have never said anything like that to me before."

"…Um…" said Gai, avoiding eye contact with Neji.

"Okay…so how do I do the Lotus!" said Kiba to Lee.

"Now it is _I _who is embarrassed!" said Gai dramatically.

Just then, a giant bird flew overhead. All of the teachers momentarily got serious and distracted as they watched the bird, and then looked at each other with a nod. Without saying a word, they leapt into the trees and disappeared.

"GASP!" yelled everyone but they didn't know why.

They were left there to wonder what had happened. And, after about a half an hour of waiting, they finally realized that their teachers were not going to return, so they decided to call it a day, having wasted yet ANOTHER perfectly good afternoon that they should have spent training.


	17. Keep the World Beautiful

Chapter 17- Keep the World Beautiful

"I think EVERY month should be Keep the World Beautiful Month!" said Kurenai as the four jounin teachers set up all the proper gardening tools in front of the Hokage Mountain/Konoha Golf Course.

"Where is everyone else?" said Gai. "Two hundred laps for everyone who's not here!"

"That's a little extreme." Said Asuma ONLY because Shikamaru wasn't there and he definitely didn't want Shikamaru to have to run two hundred laps.

Speak of the devil, Shikamaru approached just then. He was ALONE.

"Where are your comrades, Shikamaru?" Asuma asked.

Shikamaru looked annoyed. "The Chuunin Exam?" he said simply, hoping that that would jog the memory of his teachers who always seemed to be high on coffee.

"Oh yeah…" said Kakashi. "They'd be in the Forest of Death by now, wouldn't they?"

"Not Shikamaru!" said Asuma as he ruffled Shikamaru's hair SO enthusiastically that Shikamaru actually had to take it out of the pony-tail and fix it because it was so messed up. "He's ALREADY a chuunin! For him to take the chuunin exam would be POINTLESS!"

"So…yeah." Shikamaru said after his hair was repaired. "Since no one else is here, I guess we'll have to get a rain check on—"

"Don't be silly, Shikamaru!" laughed Kurenai. "This will make up for the fact that you missed Groundhog Day."

"No way." Said Shikamaru. "You're making me stay by myself and…"

He looked around at the supplies that were handy.

"_Garden_?" he said.

"You won't be alone." Said Kakashi. "WE'LL be here."

"That's even more troublesome." Shikamaru said.

"Come on!" said Asuma excitedly. "Let's all get down and dirty! We'll plant some beautiful flowers around the foot of the Hokage Mountain to celebrate Keep the World Beautiful Month!"

"Is there a Do Nothing Month?" Shikamaru asked.

"No." they all replied flatly.

So they commenced in the gardening. Whenever Shikamaru tried to chillax, the teachers made sure to jump on him and force him to continue with his labor!

"How long are we going to do this for?" Shikamaru whined.

The teachers didn't really feel like answering so they all just pretended to be sleeping.

Shikamaru watched them curl up into the fetal position, as if they were sleeping, out of the corner of his eye and got this LOOK that was like; "I wish a was a genin so I could be taking the Chuunin Exam right now."

"All right!" said Gai, sitting up. "We really HAVE been gardening for a long time. Perhaps we could take a break."

"I know what we can do!" exclaimed Asuma.

No more than five minutes later, they were all sitting around a table in the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table. YES!

"So, Shikamaru, what do you think of our holiday experiment now that April is over and we're moving into May?" Kakashi asked as he started grilling food, since there was a grill in the middle of the table and all and that just rules.

"Is that a trick question?" Shikamaru said.

"No." said Kakashi. "We want to hear your HONEST answer."

"Except could you sugar coat it?" Kurenai requested. "I'm not too good with the harsh truth."

"Um…fine." Said Shikamaru. "I think it's psychotic that you're forcing us to come together so often throughout the year and I can't wait until it's over so I never have to celebrate a holiday again. Clearly, your aim was to make it so we were enthusiastic about celebrations, but it's working in a bit of an opposite direction. At least for me, anyway."

"I told you to sugar coat it!" Kurenai said.

"I did." Shikamaru admitted.

"Well, you're not the ONLY one in our fun!" said Gai. "I happen to know for a fact that there are some people who love our experiment, such as Lee!"

"He's pretty much the only one." Shikamaru pointed out.

"That's not true." Said Gai. He's not so good with the harsh truth either.

"So what's the next holiday that I have to look forward to?" Shikamaru sighed.

"That's the spirit, Shikamaru!" Asuma said, not catching sarcasm. If Shikamaru had been laughing, he definitely would have been laughing AT the teachers, not with them.

Kakashi picked up the calendar that had all the holidays on it. "Well, as I said before, we're entering May." Kakashi replied. "And May is National Barbeque Month."

"That won't be that bad." Shikamaru said.

"See?" said Kurenai. "It will be fun!"

"I never said it would be fun." Shikamaru corrected.

"Chouji's birthday will start off the month." Kakashi went on as if there hadn't been an interruption. "Let's only hope that Tenten remembered because she has yet to inform us what her plans for the party are."

"And then Mother's Day." Gai said, leaning over Kakashi's shoulder.

"Is that such a great idea?" Shikamaru questioned. "There are a few people in our midst who are lacking in the mother department, and they just so happen to be the people who are bordering on the lines of crazy and vengeful."

"Nonsense!" laughed Kurenai. "I know for a fact that everyone on MY team has a mother!" Then she paused. "Actually, I've never met Hinata's mother. Or Shino's mother."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Well, then I guess you don't know for a fact that everyone on your team has a mother." He said.

"Both Sasuke and Naruto don't have mothers." Kakashi contributed.

"Neji doesn't have a mother either." Gai added.

"Everyone on MY team has mothers!" Asuma said proudly as if that made him better than the other teachers. And, in his mind, it probably did.

"But why deny all the people with mothers an opportunity to celebrate Mother's Day?" Kakashi said. "We'll think up an alternative celebration for those without mothers, won't we?"

"WE WILL!" cheered the other teachers.

"All right." Said Shikamaru with a sigh as he stood up. "Looks like we've got a big month ahead of us. I have to go home and mentally prepare."

"But we haven't picked up all the trash in Konoha yet." Said Gai.

"What?" said Shikamaru.

"We still have to pick up all the trash in Konoha!" said Asuma as he grabbed Shikamaru's arm and pulled him out the door. The other teachers were quick to follow, for they knew they were far above the law and therefore they did not have to pay for their meal!


	18. Happy Birthday, Chouji!

Chapter 18- Happy Birthday, Chouji!

The Chuunin Exam was fruitful. Actually, it totally wasn't. Team Gai failed to acquire another scroll in the Forest of Death, The Sand Team was unable to enter because Kankuro was still a steaming heap, Chouji and Ino were slightly lost since there were only two of them and that was confusing, Team 8 got a scroll in the Forest of Death but none of them got past the preliminary tournament thing and as for Team 7… well… you can think of a creative reason as to why they were failures too. I mean, we can't have them becoming Chuunins whilst we watch over them, can we?

And, yes, they all blamed it on the teachers for making them celebrate holidays. The Sand Team did too, even though it was entirely Shino's fault. He wouldn't have it any other way. If Kankuro was going to indirectly snatch his chuuninhood away from him LAST time, Shino adored the thought of snatching it away from Kankuro right back.

Anyway, it's May 1st, which means it's Chouji's birthday.

"So…what is your name, young man? What clan do you belong to? Obviously you are not a Hyuuga."

"Um…Inuzuka Kiba. And this is Akamaru."

"Dad, we're already late!"

Kiba was standing at Hinata's front door step. He had made the foolish offer to walk with Hinata over to Chouji's house where the party would be. Hinata had been hesitant at first because she knew how strange her father could be at times, but she eventually agreed since she didn't want to hurt Kiba's feelings. Now, here they all stood, with only minutes before they were supposed to arrive, and Hiashi was INTERROGATING Kiba.

"This is more important." Said Hiashi.

"I knew we should have just met there." Said Hinata sadly.

"Now, what makes you think that you are good enough to date my daughter?" Hiashi questioned.

"I'm honestly not dating her!" said Kiba even though you KNOW he wanted to. "We're just training since we're partners!"

"Then how come I have NEVER seen you at the front door before?" Hiashi asked. "Well? You never used to come to our door before."

"Dad, we were just going to walk together." Hinata said quietly.

"Now if you really want to date my daughter, I want to see you shape yourself up." Hiashi said, ignoring Hinata. "You should comb your hair and wash those clothes. You smell like dog."

"Well…there are lots of dogs in my house…" Kiba said. "I'm the one who gave Hinata her dog."

"Ah, so YOU were that boy." Said Hiashi. "My daughter will not be won over by trifle gifts."

"Dad…" Hinata said, turning red.

"So where do you plan on taking my daughter today?" Hiashi asked.

"To a birthday party?" Kiba tried.

"Anywhere after that?" Hiashi continued.

"Um…maybe training?" Kiba said.

"And then?"

"Home?"

"Good answer. If you plan on doing anything else with her, you make sure to come back here and run it by me first. THEN I will tell you whether it's all right for you to take my daughter out."

"Um…okay." Said Kiba.

"Dad, we really have to go." said Hinata.

"Very well." Said Hiashi with a glare. "I'll be watching you."

He pointed at Kiba and then shut the door.

Kiba looked at Hinata.

"Whoa." He said.

"Sorry…" she said hesitantly.

"Well…that being behind us, let's go!" Kiba said, trying to shrug it off as they both frolicked to Chouji's house. They weren't really frolicking though, they were more so walking.

Tenten had decided that, since her pool party failed so badly two months earlier, they'd just have a pool party for Chouji! After all, it was May now which meant the weather was divine, and Chouji did have a rather large pool that he failed to mention when Sakura was scouting for settings for Tenten's party.

"It's about TIME!" said Tenten as she flung the door open with a towel wrapped around her waist and her one-piece sports bathing suit on. "Everyone's already here!"

"Sorry!" said Kiba and Hinata as they ran out back to where everyone was already enjoying the pool. Well, no. Not really. The only people that were actually in the pool were Chouji (with his one piece candy-cane MAN'S bathing suit), Lee (with his hideous green Speedo) and Naruto (with his red bathing suit that had built in waterproof pockets…YES!). Everyone else was doing various other activities.

Ino and Sakura were tanning in their matching bathing suits of varying colors while trying to get Sasuke's attention. Sasuke's attention was far from gotten, for he was preoccupied with putting sunscreen on, and was wearing his Uchiha Fan swimming trunks. Neji was also in his trunks but was sitting under an umbrella in the shade while doing something boring like reading a book. Shikamaru was wearing his special chuunin bathing suit while sleeping in the sun, but don't worry... he put on sunscreen so he won't get cancer. Shino was wearing his regular Auron-ish clothes and was wandering around hunting for bugs. Hinata and Kiba changed into their bathing suits, and one of them was frilly and girly with a little skirt built in while the other was orange with drawstrings. Try to guess which was which!

The teachers were also lounging about. Gai was also, unfortunately, wearing a green Speedo as he belly-flopped into the water and created a grand splash. Kurenai was wearing one of those conservative black mom-bathing suits with the skirt even though she doesn't really need to. Asuma had on a one piece candy-cane man's bathing suit too, just because we love those kinds of bathing suits. As for Kakashi, he was just wearing the same thing he ALWAYS wears, except instead of wearing pants, he had on shorts. What a lunatic!

"Does anyone want to play volleyball or badminton or something?" Tenten offered as she gestured at the courts that the Akimichis just so happen to have available.

Everyone shrugged and figured why not? They might as well! After all, it WAS Chouji's birthday.

As it turned out, the girls decided they just wanted to be cheerleaders. Then the teachers nobly came to the conclusion that if they played, it would be unfun for the students so they would just watch.

The teams were split up as evenly as the group could decide. Sasuke, Shikamaru, Lee and Shino were on one team, which left Naruto, Neji, Chouji and Kiba on the other.

"We'll serve!" said Kiba as he picked up the volleyball.

"No, I'LL serve." said Sasuke, pushing Kiba out of the way as if he NEEDED to. As if Kiba serving it would just kill him. As if Kiba standing in that very spot would just kill him. Kiba shrugged since he didn't really want to serve anyway and he didn't care if Sasuke didn't want him standing in that particular place since he didn't want to stand in it anyway.

Sasuke threw the ball up into the air and hit it over the net.

It went right towards Neji and, just when he thought he'd EASILY hit it back over, Naruto, Chouji and Lee all came out of nowhere and jumped out to hit the ball instead, so they all ended up smooshing Neji and NO ONE hit the ball.

"Point for us!" cheered Kiba as he turned around and put his hands out, expecting some skin, but Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino were SO FAR from giving him some skin.

So he pouted.

"Don't do that." Neji said as he emitted chakra out of his body to throw everyone off them, but unfortunately he used too much and he ended up killing them, but not really.

"I'll get the next one!" said Naruto as he got ready for the next serve since the other team had magically gotten the ball back in the lull.

"One serving zero!" said Sasuke as he hit the ball again.

"I GOT IT!" Lee yelled as he ran up and hit the ball so hard that it popped and deflated, landing in a big heap on the ground.

Everyone twiddled their thumbs for a bit until Tenten pulled out another volleyball and tossed it to Sasuke.

"Two serving zero!" Sasuke started, put Kiba put out his hand.

"Could I serve?" he asked.

Sasuke glared at Kiba, but for whatever reason he had, decided to let him serve.

"Two serving zero!" said Kiba as he hit the ball over the net. It went to Lee who hit it a little more gently than before and sent it right back over towards Shino. Shino was far from EVER playing volleyball, so it just landed next to him. He looked at the volleyball, sighed and then walked off the court.

"Does that mean it's our serve?" Chouji asked, gesturing to his team.

"Sure…fine…" said Sasuke, acting as though he didn't care but he definitely did.

"Zero serving two!" said Naruto as he accumulated the ball and lofted it over to the other side.

Sasuke jumped up and spiked it so hard that it got lodged in the ground and all the girls cheered for him.

Once again, no one really knew what to do. So Kiba and Akamaru dug the ball out of the ground and then handed it to Shikamaru. "Your turn to serve." He said.

Shikamaru said something along the lines of, "This is troublesome." But he served it anyway. "Two serving zero." He sent it over and they sent it back, and they actually had a bit of an exchange until, finally, the sun got in Kiba's eyes and the ball fell on their side of the court.

"Now it's THEIR serve again!" said Sasuke in an irritated tone. "If you let them score, so help me!"

"Whoa, Sasuke." Said Naruto.

"Let's just play!" said Lee as he grabbed the ball and served it.

It went straight towards Shikamaru and he had no trouble with returning the serve.

"MY BALL!" yelled Naruto as he multiplied himself and used the power of two of him to hit the ball to the other side! It was an intense hit, and SURELY that would have claimed that team's first point!

"Kiba!" said Sasuke passionately as he ran over to Kiba. Kiba put his hands down just as Sasuke jumped onto them. Kiba hoisted Sasuke into the air and tossed him up just as the ball came over and Sasuke hit it! Wow, they ARE ninjas!

"Someone do something impressive with me!" yelled Naruto as he jumped up and scissor kicked it high into the air and then Lee leapt up and spiked it over on the other side.

Kiba dove down and hit it into the air and Sasuke hit it over since he is a ham and must be involved in every play.

The ball made its way over to Neji and he lightly tapped it forward but it was JUST hard enough to make it over the net.

"I GOT IT!" Kiba yelled as he pushed past Sasuke and went to hit the ball, but he had far too much momentum and ended up crashing into the net. And, of course, the ball landed on his head and then hit the ground.

Sasuke clenched his fist dramatically as Lee and Naruto danced in circles. Chouji wandered off to the snack table, since he was bored with the volleyball game. Perhaps he would open some of his presents.

"One serving two!" Lee exclaimed as he hit the ball over.

Shikamaru returned it and it was pretty much surely going right towards Neji.

Lee got some good air off Naruto's head did some sort of nifty Spiderman movement, stretching his body out and hitting the ball over the net before Neji could hit it.

"I could have gotten that." Said Neji in an annoyed tone.

"No you couldn't have." Said Lee. "You should be THANKING me."

"HEY!" Naruto said as he rubbed his head.

They paid attention just in time for Sasuke to send the ball back over to them, and then sent it right back towards Sasuke.

Sasuke jumped up into the air in slow motion and sent the ball back over YET AGAIN.

This went on for a bit, and it was quite surprising that no one was cheating!

"Hey guys, I'm getting kind of bored." Said Chouji.

Everyone else had long since abandoned the game, and now it was only Sasuke versus Naruto.

All those who WEREN'T Sasuke and Naruto were like: YES! THIS IS TRUE!

They all decided it was time for cake. It was yummy-licious and extra large because Chouji is so hungry.

"Thanks so much for the party, Tenten!" said Chouji. "This is definitely, out of everyone who's gone so far, the best one."

"Thanks!" said Tenten cheerfully.

But now it was time for everyone to go home.

"Everyone meet at my team's training area on the 8th!" Asuma called after them as they left.

Shino and Kiba subconsciously decided to walk Hinata home. When they reached the general vicinity of the world of Hyuuga, Hiashi flung the door open as they waved goodbye to Hinata. That's all they usually did… just waited at the end of the walk and allowed Hinata to go up to her door alone. But now that Hiashi was standing there and beckoning for them to come up and talk to him, they were forced to venture further.

Hiashi opened the door. "Hinata, I thought you were going to train after the party." He said.

"We decided not to." said Hinata. "So Kiba and Shino walked me home."

"Kiba and Shino, eh?" said Hiashi as he looked suspiciously at the two. "How about you two come in?"

"I have to get home." Said Kiba, but he secretly didn't want to be interrogated by Hinata's crazy dad again.

"I don't have to be anywhere, but I don't want to come in." said Shino flatly.

"Bye guys!" said Hinata as the two of them turned around and quickly walked away from Hinata's house before her father ate them or something.

"Hinata's dad is a little psychotic." Kiba commented.

"This is true." Shino agreed.

**YAY! Our site is back up and running. It's the same site, just a new URL. You can get to it via our profile page or type in linkandluigi(dot)us. That's it!**


	19. Mother's Day

Chapter 19- Mother's Day

"Sakura!"

"Yeah mom?"

"Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yes, mom, I did."

"And you washed your face too?"

"Yes, I did!"

"Are your friends comfortable?"

"They are!"

"Do you have enough blankets?"

"We'll be fine!"

"All right. I'm just making sure."

"Don't worry about us!"

"Your father will come down and check on you in a few minutes to make sure you're in bed."

"Okay!" said Sakura, sounding rather annoyed.

"Good night, Sakura."

Sakura looked at Sasuke and Naruto sitting there like fool children. They were all having a slumber party in Sakura's basement, surprisingly enough. But not because they WANTED to! Because they HAD to! The teachers had forced those without mothers to spend time with someone on their team who HAD a mother. And, since both Sasuke and Naruto did NOT have mothers, they spent time with Sakura and her mother, Blakura, on Mother's Day.

Naruto didn't really mind. He liked having a little extra celebration here and there. He didn't care that he was celebrating a holiday with someone ELSE'S mom because he had never had a mom before… but Sasuke. That Sasuke. He was ready to go on the warpath all day and was glad that it was finally over.

"So…I hope you guys had fun…" said Sakura as she crawled into her sleeping bag that was on the sofa. She got the sofa because she's a girl.

Sasuke grunted and crawled into HIS sleeping bag, which was on the other sofa. He got the other sofa because he's Sasuke.

"I did!" Naruto said happily. He crawled into his sleeping bag, which was on the floor. It was on the floor because he's Naruto.

"What do you guys want to talk about?" Sakura said. She was feeling a little timid, especially since Sasuke's evil aura was just radiating from his sleeping bag decorated with an Uchiha fan.

Sasuke only grunted again, while Naruto made some kind of pointless, mindless comment.

So Sakura sighed and rolled over to go to sleep.

Naruto hummed a little bit, but Sakura and Sasuke both threw things at his head because he was annoying them.

Meanwhile…

Neji didn't know how he was going to sleep under these conditions. He had never slept anywhere except for his own bed. He had never slept in the same room as other people. He had never slept with a nightlight on before. Poor, poor Neji.

"So, did you guys have fun hanging out with me and my mom all day?" said Lee enthusiastically as he made up what must have seemed like comfortable sleeping conditions for his comrades.

Tenten had a mom. Maybe. But her potential mom was away on a mission that day so she figured she'd tag along with Neji and Lee! After all, if Gai was going to force Neji and Lee to hang out with Lee's mom, then Tenten wasn't about to be ignored even though Neji couldn't think of anything he wanted to do less.

"Do we really have to sleep over too?" Neji said, slapping his forehead.

"YES!" said Lee as he whipped out a piece of paper and cleared his throat. "Quoth Gai; _To my students. Today is Mother's Day. HURRAY! I'm not going to name any names, but certain a student who do not have a mother should hang out all day with another certain student that just so happens to have one so this certain student without a mother can enjoy a day with the illusion that he or she has a mother. All day! Which means I would like you also to experience the joy of being tucked in by a loving mother."_

"This is sick." Said Neji.

"I agree." Said Tenten. "It is a little sick."

"Yeah." Said Lee. "I think it is too. Frankly, Neji, I'm surprised you haven't gone nuts and killed things yet!"

Neji made that PASHAW sound, while still managing to act all cool. "I can survive through Mother's Day without killing small animals or beating up Hinata." He said bluntly. "But if you want to see me on a real warpath, you should stop by the Hyuuga complex on Father's Day."

Tenten and Lee winced at the mere thought of that.

"And besides, I don't want to see you on a real warpath." Said Lee. "I think I've seen plenty of that."

"No you haven't." Neji said. "You haven't seen me on a real warpath until you've seen me on Father's Day."

"You sound almost proud of yourself." Tenten said uneasily.

"A piece of me is proud." Neji admitted.

"Now THAT is nothing to be proud of." Said Tenten even MORE uneasily.

"Time for bed!" screamed Lee's mom that looked exactly like him except FEMALE as she flung open the door. She ordered everyone to get in their makeshift beds so she could tuck them in and give them a goodnight kiss. Tenten accepted both of these offers so Lee's mom wouldn't feel stupid. Neji allowed himself to be tucked in but he drew the line at the goodnight kiss and made sure Lee's mom did not invade his personal space any more. Lee, of course enthusiastically took the kiss and tuck like a man and then Lee's mom turned on the nightlight and turned off the lights and left the room.

"Do you have to have that nightlight?" Neji said after a moment's pause.

"YES!" yelled Lee.

Meanwhile…

"I think I would have celebrated Mother's Day even if our teachers hadn't forced us to." said Ino to Shikamaru and Chouji. They, in a very creative way, split the day up between their mothers. First, the three spent time with Shikamaru's mother. Then they spent time to Chouji's mother in the afternoon. And now that it was night, they had just spent time with Ino's mother and, since they were already at Ino's house, they might as well just sleep THERE since they were forced to have a sleep over and all.

"Yeah." Said Chouji. "That's one of those holidays that we celebrate every year unconditionally."

"Same here." Agreed Shikamaru with a sigh. "Or else we'd never hear the end of it from my mom."

"Hey!" said Ino. "You're supposed to be honoring your mother today, not talking about her behind her back!"

"Do you have to give me a hard time about _everything_?" Shikamaru said.

"Yes." Ino replied. There was no point in denying it anymore… it was pretty obvious by now.

"Can you guys believe that it's already May?" Chouji asked.

"What do you mean?" said Shikamaru with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean, the year is just flying by now that we're celebrating all these holidays." Chouji answered.

"I guess." Shikamaru agreed.

"Yeah…" Ino said. "Hey Chouji, whose birthday do you have to plan?"

"Um…I don't know." Chouji admitted. "The teachers never really told me. I'll ask Asuma next time I see him."

The three of them gave heavy sighs and looked around absentmindedly.

"So…" Ino said. "I guess we should change into our pajamas."

"Yeah…" said Shikamaru and Chouji.

Ino frowned. "So get out of my room so I can change!" Ino said angrily.

"Oh…" said the men of Team 10 as the shuffled out of Ino's room in a dejected fashion.

Once they were standing outside her room, Shikamaru looked at Chouji.

"So she can change?" he repeated.

"Yeah." Said Chouji.

"We can only hope." Shikamaru sighed.

Chouji chuckled warmly. "Well, Shikamaru, I think she meant just change into her pajamas, not change in general."

"I know what she MEANT." Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes.

Meanwhile…

"This is a HUGE thing for my dad." Hinata said as she lied out her sleeping bag on the floor next to Kiba's. Shino's sleeping bag was on the other side of Kiba's, and Akamaru's sleeping bag as this little mini square bag that was by Kiba's head.

"What is?" Kiba asked.

"Letting me sleep over someone's house, let alone a boy's house." Hinata replied.

"Yeah." Said Kiba. "Especially since he was a little nutso about us being even NEAR you last week."

"Well, I told him it was training…" Hinata admitted. "It technically training… because our teachers are making us do it and we're doing it as a team… right?"

"I guess…" said Kiba. "Um…we won't tell if you don't tell."

"Now I feel bad about lying to my father!" gasped Hinata as if she had just realized she had lied to him. Which she did. "He probably knows I lied to him!"

She began rolling her sleeping bag back up but Kiba practically leapt on top of it to keep it where it was. "Hinata…" he said. "There's no way your dad could possibly know that you lied to him! And I wouldn't even call it a lie. Probably more like a…um…"

He looked at Shino for help.

"A lie?" Shino tried.

"NO!" said Kiba. "NOT a lie!"

"Not a lie?" Shino suggested.

"Yeah!" said Kiba as if the wonderful idea had dawned on him. "It's NOT a lie! Isn't that fantastic?"

"Um…I guess…" Hinata said as she unrolled her sleeping bag again. That was it. If her father accused her of lying, she'd just say, "No father. I wasn't lying." And he'd be like: "OH! OKAY! THAT'S TOTALLY FINE!" That's how it would happen.

"So what do you guys want to talk about?" Kiba said as he lied down. "Where's your mom at, Shino?"

"She's at the grocery store." Shino answered.

"Is she?" Kiba said curiously. "How long has she been there?"

"Well, she left for her mission about two years back." Shino replied. "And she came home while I wasn't there. My father told me she went to the grocery store."

"A two-year long mission?" Hinata gaped.

"No." Shino replied. "She got back from her mission about one year and eleven months ago. But then she went to the grocery store."

There was awkward silence just then.

"So she's been at the grocery store for two years?" Kiba translated.

"One year and eleven months." Shino corrected.

More silence.

"Shino, I don't think she's at the grocery store." Kiba said slowly.

"Yes she is." Said Shino, ACTUALLY sounding a little sharp toned. "Where else would she be?"

"Um…" said Hinata and Kiba.

Meanwhile…

The teachers had gone off to do some celebrations with their mothers as well.

Kurenai visited her crazy feminist mother who was bitter against the male half of the human species ever since her husband left her with eleven children (one of them being Kurenai of course, and the rest male) during the feminist revolution.

Asuma visited his chain-smoking mother. They both spent the day together puffing smoke in each other's faces but they didn't care about secondhand smoke since they got firsthand smoke and that's worse.

Gai visited his strangely strict mother, though he was hesitant. He hadn't visited her in about six years because they had their disagreements, but he decided to put all that behind him and make amends with her. Their reunion was tearful and they came to understand each other's differences.

And, since everyone Kakashi knows is dead, so is his mother. Poor Kakashi! Thankfully, his long lost twin brother, Babashi, was still alive so the two of them visited their mother's grave and threw a party in her honor.


	20. That's Not A Real Holiday!

Chapter 20- That's Not A Real Holiday!

Shikamaru, Chouji and Ino were hanging out in their team's training area, since they had been instructed that there would be a holiday celebration on this day, so they should meet in this exact spot with everyone else. "I've been straining my brain to think of what holiday takes place on May 17th." Shikamaru said. "And, even with my vast IQ, I can't think of one."

"Wow." Said Chouji. "Then I doubt ANYONE would be able to think of one!"

"Obviously our teachers did." Ino said, rolling her eyes.

Eventually, all the students trickled in and, even more eventually, the teachers arrived.

"Before we begin…" said Kurenai. "We're just going to go over a few things."

"May is National Barbeque Month!" said Asuma.

"YAY!" cheered all the hungry people.

"And we'll be celebrating that later on this month on May 25th." Asuma finished.

"And, Chouji, we never really specified this, but Kurenai's birthday is next so you will be planning her party." Kakashi said.

Chouji froze. "What?" he said. He would rather plan a birthday party for Neji than Kurenai.

"My birthday is on June 11th." Said Kurenai. "And make sure it's a good party!"

Chouji didn't whether she was joking or not.

"June is National Safety Month." Gai continued.

"National Safety Month?" repeated everyone.

"…Yes…" said Gai.

"So what are we going to do?" said Sasuke. "Celebrate safety?"

"I suppose!" said Gai defiantly. "We'll be celebrating safety on the first of the month so that is the next holiday, followed by Kurenai's birthday on the 11th."

"Okay, that's all well and good, but what holiday are we celebrating today?" Kiba asked.

"Oh!" laughed Kurenai. "We didn't tell you?"

The students shook their heads.

"Well, today is Story Day." Said Kakashi.

"STORY DAY?" shouted all the students. "THAT'S NOT A REAL HOLIDAY!"

"Celebrating Opposite Day is one thing, but I REFUSE to celebrate Story Day!" said Neji, standing up since they had all subconsciously sat in a circle.

"Now, now." Said Kurenai. "We assure you that it will be great fun."

"I doubt that." Said some other angry person who was less than enthusiastic about celebrating Story Day.

"Each of us four teachers will tell a story." Said Gai as he gave Neji that look that said, 'If you don't sit down right now, you will be a genin FOREVER.' "Each story will have a valuable morale that you students must figure out. I am going first!"

Everyone gave exasperated sighs. They could tolerate FOUR stories.

Gai cleared his throat and began.

_While wondering through the jungle, a man who will be named John came across a small hut. Since he didn't know why he was in the jungle or how he got there, he figured "WHAT THE HELL!" and walked right in._

_Standing in the corner appearing to be doing some sort of interpretive dance that only adults should see was a naked man with face paint all over him and a big stupid mask covering his face._

_Upon seeing John, he started ranting in his native tongue, which consisted of numerous tongue clicks, lip smacks and nonsense words. Luckily, John spoke this particular language so he was able to communicate with this strange man._

_"Hey? Don't you ever knock when coming into someone's house?" yelled the naked guy who will be called Joe._

_"Sorry, I thought this was just a hut in the jungle with an inferior jungle man inside doing some sort of incantation." replied John as he backed away slowly._

_"I CHALLENGE YOU!" yelled Joe. John, of course, had no idea what Joe was talking about even though he could mysteriously speak two languages, one half unknown._

_Then Joe pulled out a long rubber tube and held it up. "The object of this game is to blow into the tube as hard as you can so that your opponent goes flying into the wall because of the force of your air!" John didn't know how to react at first. He thought this game to be stupid and impossible._

_So John put his mouth on one end of the tube and Joe put his on the other end and they both began a-blowin'_

_Unfortunately, John was not a professional blower (you know, the kind people PAY to see) so he was blown into the wall within seconds. "I AM THE CHAMPION ONCE AGAIN!" yelled Joe as he held his arms in the air and spread his legs and strutted around the room like a big ugly naked stuffed animal. Then he turned to John. "Now for your punishment!"_

_He started laughing diabolically and the camera went to the outside of the hut so that I can pull through with this without actually explaining it to you since I'm bad with descriptions and can't really talk about the graphics of John's punishment. _

_All I can say is that, later, John walked out of the hut with his head hung low._

_WAIT! His head isn't hanging low! It's just LOOKED like it cause it's REALLY small! OH DEAR GOD! POOR JOHN!_

Gai crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat. Everyone waited for him to continue but when he didn't, Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Yes?" Gai said.

"Go on." Kakashi offered.

"No, I'm done." Said Gai.

"Oh." Said Kakashi.

"That was a very interesting story, Gai." Said Asuma, coughing slightly.

"I'll tell the next story!" Kurenai said enthusiastically.

_A Rose and an Amaranth blossomed side by side in a garden, and the Amaranth said to her neighbor, "How I envy you your beauty and your sweet scent! No wonder you are such a universal favorite."_

_But the Rose replied with a shade of sadness in her voice, "Ah, my dear friend, I bloom but for a time: my petals soon wither and fall, and then I die. But your flowers never fade, even if they are cut; for they are everlasting."_

"What's an amaranth?" Naruto asked.

"Great story, Kurenai." Said Kakashi, ignoring Naruto.

"Thank you!" said Kurenai.

"It was almost as good as mine!" said Gai, clenching his fist dramatically as if it were a competition.

"I will tell the next story." Kakashi decided.

_A man came into a forest and asked the Trees to provide him a handle for his axe. The Trees consented to his request and gave him a young ash-tree. No sooner had the man fitted a new handle to his axe from it, than he began to use it and quickly felled with his strokes the noblest giants of the forest. An old oak, lamenting when too late the destruction of his companions, said to a neighboring cedar, "The first step has lost us all. If we had not given up the rights of the ash, we might yet have retained our own privileges and have stood for ages."_

"I need another light-hearted story like Gai's!" said Lee.

"YES!" said Gai.

"NO!" said Asuma. "These stories are supposed to teach you morals, not talk about crazy naked witch doctors that end up confusing you!"

"I'm more confused with Kurenai and Kakashi's stories!" Ino said.

"Well TOUGH!" said Asuma. "Now listen to my story and enjoy it, learn from it and prosper OR ELSE."

_Bob is sad._

_You see, Bob is an extremely sensitive fellow and he is also very sweet. However, when it comes to looks, Bob falls very short. VERY short. The problem is, girls usually turn him away before they can come to know just how wonderful he is._

_"I know!" said Bob as he grabbed a bag and punched out two even holes about eye width apart. "With this bag over my head, girls won't be able to see my hideous face!"_

_With that, he shoved the paper bag over his head and jumped out into the open just as the pretty young Sally came up to where he was. "Good morning, fine lady!" he said, trying somewhat to disguise his voice._

_"Why, who are you?" asked Sally. "May I see your face?"_

_"No." said Bob. "Not yet. You are not ready. May I treat you to a milkshake?"_

_Sally accepted. The two went out for a milkshake. They went out the next day as well. The same for the day after that, and the following days. Pretty soon, they found themselves spending all their free time together._

_Bob was very happy._

_…For a little while._

_He was troubled. "I'm living a lie!" he said. "Sally may like my personality but she doesn't love me for who I am!"_

_As he waited for Sally to arrive, (for they were going out again) he debated with himself on whether he should show Sally his face. But then, as he saw her coming down the street, he realized that it was the only thing he could, and should, do._

_"Good morning!" sang Sally._

_"Good morning, fair Sally." Said Bob. "I believe you are finally ready to see my face."_

_Bob slowly began to pull the paper bag off his head as Sally looked on in awe. However, she was shocked to only see Bob's ugly face looking back at her._

_She threw her arms in the air and ran away screaming in terror._

_So Bob cried some more._

There wasn't an immediate response.

"I can relate to Bob's situation!" Lee declared.

Everyone felt like smacking him.

"Okay, now it is time to evaluate the morals you have learned." Said Kakashi. "And, since Gai's makes absolutely no sense, we're going to skip over his and go straight to Kurenai's."

"HEY!" said Gai.

"I know!" said Sakura, wanting to impress Sasuke by answering first. "Things that are beautiful are likely to lose first!" She shot a glare at Ino who glared right back.

"Um…no." said Kurenai. "Anyone else?"

"I know!" said Ino. "Beauty is only skin deep!"

"No." said Kurenai.

"Too many cooks will spoil the broth!" said Kiba proudly.

"…No…" Kurenai said slowly.

"Greatness carries its own penalties." Said Shikamaru as if it was OBVIOUS.

"Correct!" said Kurenai enthusiastically.

"Can we see how that applies to real life?" Kakashi led.

"Yes." Said Sasuke. "I'm so great so everyone worships me."

"Why is that bad?" asked Shikamaru.

"It's annoying." Sasuke replied.

"I'm thinking more along the lines of… because I'm so smart, I'm held to a higher standard." Shikamaru said.

"Yeah right, Shikamaru." Said Ino. "You're so lazy that we've learned not to hold you to any standard at all."

"Enough of that!" said Asuma, stopping an all-out war.

"Now for my story." Kakashi said.

No one answered right away, because they wanted to make sure they looked underneath the underneath and evaluated every single thing he said. About five minutes passed with everyone still pondering, so Kakashi gave a heavy sigh and gathered attention.

"There's no looking underneath the underneath." He confessed.

"OH!" said everyone.

"In that case, I think I know!" said Chouji. "If you sacrifice one of your younglings, it will come back to haunt you!"

"Um…that COULD be it, but that wasn't what I was thinking." Kakashi said.

"So it DOES involve looking underneath the underneath!" said Naruto.

"Not really." Kakashi said.

"A chain is only as strong as its weakest link!" said Kiba.

"Where did you get that?" Kakashi said. "That is the opposite of right."

"Oh." Said Kiba, bowing his head in shame.

"Your story was the one with the trees, right?" said Sasuke. Kakashi nodded. "Well, I thought it was rather foolish of the trees to give the man means of building an axe when he would turn around and destroy them with it."

"So…" Kakashi went on.

"The morale is… it is foolish to give an enemy means of destroying you." Sasuke evaluated.

"Correct." Said Kakashi.

"SASUKE, YOU RULE!" cheered Ino and Sakura.

"How does that apply to real life?" Kurenai led.

"Um…" Tenten tried. "When in a ninja battle, don't uselessly throw weapons around so they can pick them up and use them against you!"

"I guess that works...in a literal sense…" said Kurenai.

"And now for my—" started Asuma.

"DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER!" screamed Lee.

Asuma put his finger up to respond, but then his lip quivered and he started to cry. "That's right!" he said. "That's not fair! I wanted people to guess and get the answers wrong first!"

"YES!" cheered Lee.

"And in real life?" said Kakashi. "Where do we see that?"

"ME!" yelled Lee. "ME ME ME! Don't judge me by my cover!"

"Lee, you have the most youthful glow EVER!" Gai cheered. "And now they have to guess the morale of MY story!" said Gai eagerly.

"Gai…" said the other teachers.

"It's only fair!" yelled Gai as he went on the verge of throwing a temper tantrum.

"Okay, okay…" said the teachers, rolling their eyes.

Gai faced the students.

"Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today!" said Kiba.

"Stop spouting random proverbs, Kiba!" yelled Naruto.

"Is that a challenge, Naruto?" demanded Kiba as he punched his fist into his palm.

"Maybe it is!" said Naruto.

"WAIT!" said Gai. "You have to guess the morale of my story first…"

There was a period of guessing, but no one could figure out what the morale of Gai's story was.

"I thought this was obvious." Sighed Gai. "It's pretty easy."

"Never challenge naked witchdoctors to a rousing game of 'blow into the tube as hard as you can so that the other person goes flying backwards into the wall because of the force of your air'." Said Shino.

Silence.

"Right!" said Gai enthusiastically.

"Ooohhh…" said everyone, wondering why they hadn't figured that out earlier, as the teachers slapped their foreheads.

"How can we apply that to real life?" Asuma said since it was procedure.

"Well, if you come across a naked witchdoctor who challenges you to a game of 'blow into the tube as hard as you can so that the other person goes flying backwards into the wall because of the force of your air', don't accept the challenge or your head will be shrunken." Hinata said timidly.

The teachers nodded.

"Well, that was a fun holiday." Said Kakashi, looking satisfied.

"Even though it wasn't real." Said Sasuke.

"So who are the students who got the morals right…?" said Asuma.

"Lee, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Shino." Said Kurenai.

"Wonderful!" said Gai. "You four get a SPECIAL prize for being able to comprehend the morals!"

"You get to help us prepare the barbeque for the 25th!" declared Asuma.

"What?" said Sasuke. "How is that a prize?"

"Oh come on, don't pretend as though you're not excited!" said Lee.

"That's troublesome." Said Shikamaru.

Shino was like; "No."


	21. A National Barbeque

Chapter 21- National Barbeque Month

"Frankly, we just don't want Neji to kill Hinata." Lee said to Sasuke.

"He won't." said Shino.

"They're on separate teams so they hardly even see each other." Shikamaru commented. "Neji wouldn't be able to kill her even if he wanted to…which he does."

"Why don't you just say to him, 'Neji, don't kill Hinata or you'll be answering to me'?" Lee requested of Sasuke.

"He WANTS to fight me." Sasuke reminded Lee. "So he'll kill Hinata just so he gets the opportunity to fight me."

"So you're saying Neji WILL kill Hinata?" Shikamaru said with a raised eyebrow.

"Not KILL her…" said Sasuke. "Just upset her so she's emotionally scarred since she's in the Main House and he hates the Main House."

Just then, the teachers walked over.

"What are you kids talking about?" asked Gai.

"Father's Day." They all answered in unison.

"Why are you talking about that?" questioned Kurenai.

The four students rolled their eyes.

"So, are you planning on helping us prepare this barbeque or are you just going to stand over there the whole time?" Shikamaru asked.

"Well…we weren't going to stand there." Kakashi replied. "We were thinking of eventually sitting down."

The students glared. And all these students happened to be particularly good at glaring, with the exception of Lee who just looked HILARIOUS when he attempted to glare. If only Neji had been there, then they surely would have won the glaring contest but, since Lee was there, all of their glares were sort of negated.

But that's irrelevant! Moving on!

"All right, I took the liberty of collecting orders for everyone." Said Asuma. "Eight hotdogs, five hamburgers, two bags of chips, three cans of soda, six slices of watermelon…"

"My god, Asuma!" said Kurenai. "That's a lot of food! Are you sure our students will be able to eat all that?"

"Oh…" said Asuma slowly. "This is…uh…Chouji's order."

"Give me that." Said Kakashi, ripping the paper out of his hand. "For now, let's just make a hamburger and a hotdog for every student just to be safe."

"But we know that some students aren't going to want both a hamburger and a hotdog." Gai reminded him.

"We can give the leftovers to Chouji." Kakashi replied.

"Ah yes." Said Gai.

"Why are we being punished for being smart?" Sasuke said. "We were able to interoperate your stories and find the morals so I think everyone else should be here making food for US."

"Don't be silly, Sasuke." Said Kurenai. "Can you imagine if eight people were here cooking for four people? That would just be ridiculous."

"But some people LIKE cooking." Shikamaru said, sitting down with a sigh.

"Yeah." Said Shino.

"All right you four!" said Gai. "That's enough complaining! Especially from you, Shino! I don't want to hear another word from you!"

Shino's eyes narrowed, but they were hidden behind his sunglasses so it was a rather empty threat.

"Why isn't this grill even on?" demanded Gai as he ran over to the grill and dumped all of the lighter fluid he could find on the grill and then reached for a match while keeping his head approximately four inches away from where the flame was going to ignite.

Thankfully, a few people present cared about Gai's life so they leapt upon him before he could foolishly light the match.

"This takes all the fun out of celebrating one of the only good holidays you guys have suggested." Shikamaru whined as he pulled another grill with new lighter fluid out from behind his back, a feat only a cartoon character would be able to accomplish!

"Don't say that, Shikamaru." Asuma said. "You have to admit that St. Patrick's Day was fun."

Kakashi nudged, Kurenai threw a glare and Gai waved his arms around in what he thought was a discrete manner.

"I mean…" Asuma started. "It's too bad we forgot about St. Patrick's Day!"

"Right…" said Shikamaru with a raised eyebrow.

"If we're going to be forced to do this, let's just get it done." Sasuke said, taking the lighter fluid and putting a sensible amount on the grill.

"No!" said Lee as he pulled out an enormous chef hat. "Let us perform the deed with enthusiasm and youth! Everyone put on your Kiss the Cook aprons!"

"Since YOU'RE so excited about it, Lee, you can cook." Said Shikamaru, handing Lee a spatula.

"YES!" said Lee. "Cooking is the key to preserving youth!"

With that, Lee began to furiously throw slabs of uneven meat on the grill where they immediately began to burn as if they had been sitting on the grill for hours.

"OH NO!" Lee exclaimed, slapping his cheeks.

Everyone stared at the charred remains of the meat.

"You know what…" said Kakashi finally. "It takes skill to burn meat after only seconds of cooking it."

"FAITH!" exclaimed Gai, looking woeful. "Whatever shall we do? Now we are short all the meat!"

"Hurry Shikamaru, think up a great idea for us!" said Asuma desperately.

"No way." Said Shikamaru. "I don't want to be here. Why should I think of a way to prolong my suffering?"

"Looks like we have to go hunting!" said Gai.

"No, Gai." Said Kurenai, putting a hand on his shoulder to calm him down before he got so excited that he passed out.

"I have SHAMED you all!" Lee said dramatically as he buried his face in his hands in a pathetic fashion. "I cannot bear to face you any longer! Please don't think any less of me when I run away childishly!"

With that, Lee did exactly what he just mentioned.

No one really said anything for a few seconds.

"Wait, so why does Lee get to leave but I have to stay?" said Shikamaru, looking annoyed.

A few hours later!

"Happy National Barbeque Month, everyone!" said Gai cheerfully as the students and the teachers all sat in Friendly's. They raised their Fribbles and toasted.

"Make sure to get something with the word 'barbeque' in the title." Kurenai reminded everyone.

"Couldn't we at least go to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table where we can cook the food right then and there on the table?" Chouji complained. Food was food to him, but he liked that awesome restaurant better than Friendly's. Granted, Friendly's RULES but not quite as much as that restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table where they can cook the food right then and there… ON THE TABLE.

"I believe this is the perfect opportunity to talk about our plans for National Safety Month, which is, of course, June." Said Asuma. "Kakashi? Won't you take it from here?"

"Of course." Said Kakashi. "On the first of June, we are requesting that you all bring a helmet to training for your own safety."

"What sort of dangerous thing are we going to do while celebrating safety so that it requires a helmet?" Naruto said.

"Don't question us!" said Gai. "Just bring a helmet or else!"

"YES SIR!" yelled everyone.

Maybe National Safety Month wouldn't be THAT bad…


	22. National Safety Month

Chapter 22- Safety Month

Only a few people showed up with helmets atop their heads. Of course… the teachers had implied that they were suppose to just HAVE helmets lying around at their houses but not many did. Therefore, those who were motivated (or feared the wrath of their teacher's threat of "or else!") to go out and buy helmets had one.

In other words, Lee, Tenten, Sakura, Naruto, Hinata and Chouji had helmets. Well, that's half at least!

The teachers arrived with helmets on and weren't too shocked to find that some people hadn't brought one.

"KIBA!" said Kurenai. "I would expect this from Shino, but not YOU!"

"I don't have a helmet!" said Kiba. "Where am I supposed to find a helmet?"

"Ditto goes for you, Ino." Said Asuma. "Surely Shikamaru would explain that it is too troublesome… but you?"

"Maybe Ino's as lazy as me without even realizing it." Shikamaru said slyly.

"No way!" said Ino. "NO ONE is as lazy as you are!"

"Sasuke…whatever." Said Kakashi since he wasn't wearing a helmet either.

"Because we anticipated our students misbehaving…" Gai said as he threw a glare at Neji who less than cared. "We brought some extra helmets!"

"YAY!" cheered Kiba. Then he looked around at his non-helmeted familiars and got embarrassed. Did he actually expect them to cheer? Maybe. The world will never know.

"Growing up with ten brothers," Kurenai started. "They ALL played football! So I brought a few extra football helmets that were lying around the house."

She tossed a football helmet to Kiba, and one to Shino.

"I'm going to feel so tough with this on." Kiba decided as he put it right on his head.

Can you guess what Shino was like?

"I wasn't nearly as successful as Kurenai…" said Asuma to Ino and Shikamaru. "So I brought this lampshade and bowl. You two can fight over who gets which one."

"I can understand the reasoning that brought you to deciding that a bowl is a good substitute for a helmet…but where did you get a lampshade?" Shikamaru said.

"I was only going to bring one, but I decided to grab another one on my way out." Asuma answered.

"Should I repeat my question?" Shikamaru said with a glare.

"I GET THE BOWL!" yelled Ino as she snatched the bowl and stuck her tongue out at Shikamaru who was stuck with the lampshade.

"I think that may be more dangerous than if he was wearing no helmet at all." Kakashi said as he handed Sasuke a bucket used for making sand castles.

"…Uh…" was all Sasuke could muster up.

"Finally…" Gai said to Neji. "I brought you the most wonderful helmet of all!"

He pulled a diaper out from behind his back.

"Is it behind the diaper?" Neji tried.

"No!" said Gai. "It IS the diaper!"

"What makes you think a helmet and a diaper are at all interchangeable?" Neji questioned.

"ANYWAY!" screamed Gai. "It's time for our celebration of safety to begin!"

Neji held his diaper for a moment and then looked around for someone who wasn't wearing his helmet. Shino had yet to put his on so he snatched the football helmet away from him and gave him the diaper in response. Shino just stared at Neji for a moment, half betrayed for giving him the diaper and half insulted with himself for not being able to dodge him.

Shino is not one to hold a grudge, however! Or at least that's what he tells himself anyway. So after a quick assessment of the situation, he realized that he didn't have any friends and no one cared about him and no one was going to laugh at him, so he just shrugged it off and put the diaper on his head.

OMG THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY IF SHINO SUDDENLY SHOWED UP WEARING A DIAPER.

"Okay, so the first thing we're going to do—" Asuma started but then he noticed that Shikamaru wasn't wearing his lampshade. "Shikamaru! You have to put on your helmet so you'll be safe!"

"Asuma, this is not a helmet, it's a lampshade." Shikamaru pointed out.

"I'll wear the lampshade and you can wear the diaper." Shino offered.

Shikamaru looked at Shino and blinked a few times, making sure he was seeing exactly what he was seeing. Then he gave a heavy sigh and poked two holes in the lampshade for eyes and then put it on his head.

"There." Said Asuma. "Now that we're all wearing our helmets, we can begin our safety celebration."

"We need everyone to get in pairs."

There was an initial scramble to get Sasuke, but that immediately died down once Sasuke grabbed the closest person and declared he already had a partner; Lee.

Lee had mixed feelings, but it's not like they were partners for LIFE so he was fine with it.

Kiba and Shino ended up being partners, followed soon thereafter by Shikamaru and Chouji. And, even though the thought pained Neji to an immeasurable extent, Naruto was the only male left and he hated women more than he hated Naruto so he ended up with him. Naruto had a different trail of thought… he just got rejected by all the girls.

And then Sakura and Ino were partners since they were on good terms today, and Hinata and Tenten were partners because they were the only ones left.

"CPR!" Kurenai announced.

And then there was another mad scramble for different gendered partners.

Sasuke grabbed Tenten first because she just so happened to be standing the closest to Lee. Sakura and Ino erupted into tears and tore around to search for other people willing to be their partner. Sakura finally found Lee who was more than happy to accept her and, as much as it aggrieved Ino, she partnered up with Shikamaru even though he had a lampshade on his head. Hinata fretted around for a little bit before Kiba so kindly offered to be her partner.

This left Neji, Naruto, Shino and Chouji out in the cold.

The teachers only chuckled warmly as they watched the four males try to distinguish between each other and decide who they would rather practice CPR with.

"Neji, let's be partners." Shino said.

"Fine." Said Neji, trying to act all cool.

"Because you look the most like a girl." Shino finished.

"…" Neji had to respond.

"I wanted to be with Sakura!" wailed Naruto, but it would be he and Chouji forever. AND EVER.

"All right…" said Asuma as he whipped out a CPR book. "We'll read these instructions out loud and then you guys do them."

"Hey!" said Kiba. "I think you guys should have to do it too!"

"Who cares what you think?" said Kakashi.

Kiba frowned. "Touché." He said.

"So choose which one of you will be the rescuer and which one of you will be rescued." Gai instructed.

It was finally decided that Tenten, Hinata, Ino, Sakura, Chouji and Shino would be the rescued.

"All right…" said Kakashi as he took the book from Asuma and opened up to the first page, cleared his throat and began reading in his story telling voice since he HAS one._"Imagine you are at home with your family and suddenly one of them suffers a cardiac arrest. Would you know what to do?"_

"You tell us." Said Sasuke with a scowl.

_"How do you know when to perform CPR?"_ Kakashi read, ignoring Sasuke. _"You can recognize someone who has had a cardiac arrest because they will be unconscious, n__ot breathing and without a pulse. You may think that—"_

"Oh hurry it up, Kakashi!" yelled Gai as he tore the book away from Kakashi and flipped halfway through the book. _"The first step is to open the airway by tilting the unconscious person's head back."_

"Shino, I can't take you seriously with a diaper on your head." Said Neji.

"Tough." Said Shino. He probably LIKED the diaper.

"AHEM!" said Asuma. "You must open Shino's airway!"

_"Next; look, listen and feel for breathing." _Gai read.

"Good news." Said Sasuke, sitting up. "Tenten's breathing."

"But for our purposes we're going to pretend she's not." Said Kurenai. "And that goes for ALL of you!"

"Won't it be dangerous to breath into the mouths of our partners and compress their chests repeatedly if they are not experiencing any breathing or cardiac problems?" Shikamaru questioned. "I hear that can actually do damage rather than helping."

"Yeah!" said Naruto. "And why do we have to wear these helmets? I thought we were going to do something daring that we would have to protect our heads for!"

"No, those are just in case you bump your heads." Kakashi answered. "Our only activity of the day is learning CPR."

"Like we're going to bump our heads." Said Shikamaru, taking off the lampshade and throwing it. "And I still stand by my original statement that a lampshade would do more harm than good, just like this practicing of CPR on people who are perfectly healthy."

"Shikamaru!" said Ino. "You're just too lazy to learn, that's all!"

"What, you WANT to learn CPR?" said Shikamaru.

"Maybe if Sasuke was my partner!" Ino said, crossing her arms.

"Besides, I can't really do CPR with this helmet on." Kiba added, pointing to the fact that he had a facemask.

"We will NOT mindlessly skip over another holiday!" Gai announced.

"Well, technically, Gai, this isn't a real holiday." Neji pointed out.

"Hm…what an excellent point you have brought up…" Gai said, scratching his chin thoughtfully.

"All right…here's the deal." Said Kakashi. "You all can go if you do one thing."

"What?" asked everyone eagerly.

"You all have to wear diapers on your heads for the rest of the day." Kakashi said.

No one responded.

"It's not really that bad." Shino said. "You forget it's there after a while."

"Shino, geez." Said Kiba. "You hardly ever say anything and the one time you DO, you advocate for us all putting diapers on our heads."

Shino shrugged.

"If that's the deal, let's get this over with then." Sakura said. "I'd rather learn CPR than wear a diaper on my head."

That being said, the students learned CPR from their teachers with limited complaining. After they departed, Kakashi and Gai remained for a little while to discuss what had happened.

"Kakashi, I must say that that was a brilliant plan." Gai said. "I was close to giving in to their logical reasoning!"

"Well, sometimes ideas just strike me like lightning." Said Kakashi.

"But Kakashi…" said Gai. "Don't try to deny the fact that you never would have gotten the idea had I not provided the diaper!"

"Of course." Said Kakashi. "A ninja must look underneath the underneath and at his surroundings to aid him in battle, or forcing his students to do something completely ridiculous and all around unprovoked."

Gai sighed. "Once again, my eternal rival, you are correct." He said. "So I think we BOTH deserve a point for working together to outsmart our students! So now the score is 55 to 55!"

"Why don't we both just not get a point and stay at 54 to 54?" Kakashi questioned.

"Because my victory will be even greater once I am at 56 and you are at 55!" Gai announced.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "How do you figure? Wouldn't it be the same if you won 55 to 54?"

"Stop trying to confuse me!" Gai yelled as he tore off in a random direction. He got no more than five steps away from Kakashi before he crashed into a tree and fell flat on his back.

After a moment of lying there in shock, he stood up and pointed at his helmet triumphantly while giving the thumbs up with his other hand.

"Good thing I was wearing this!" he declared triumphantly. "Happy National Safety Month, Kakashi!"

"Ditto." Said Kakashi with much less enthusiasm than Gai.

**Hey guys! A lot of you have been requesting certain random holidays in your reviews. Well, if you want us to try writing that holiday than you have to give it to us at least two months in advance (according to the story). So if the characters are currently in August and you have a fantastic August or September idea, it's likely we've already finished those months. So, in August, make your requests for October and on. We're willing to consider your ideas and suggestions, but you have to make sure to get them in enough in advance. That's all!**


	23. Kurenai's AWESOME Birthday

Chapter 23- Kurenai's AWESOME Birthday

"Chouji, it was so nice of you to take me to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table so we can cook the food right here and now on the table." Kurenai said with horseshoe eyes as all the teachers and the students sat around the table. And guess what? The table had a grill in the middle of it so, if they wanted, they could cook the food right then and there. ON THE TABLE.

"Err…no problem!" Chouji said awkwardly, not knowing whether Kurenai was serious or if she was secretly festering on the inside.

"But where's Shino?" Kurenai said, looking around curiously. She's probably the only person (save Kiba and Hinata) who would have even noticed his absence.

"He said he'd be here late." Kiba said. "He had a mission with his dad and he just got back so he wanted to take a few minutes to get ready."

"That's so nice!" said Kurenai. "I think this calls for—" But the wall exploding and a large figure stampeding through the gap suddenly interrupted her.

He was clearly an evil ninja because he had a crown and he was wearing a purple Kankuro-ish outfit with a B on it that was jaggedy like lightning. He was also carrying a giant gold scepter in one hand an enormous sword in the other.

"Who are you?" demanded Gai.

"I am Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo!" said the guy as he pulled out a scroll and opened it up. "Do not tell me that you don't remember me, Maito Gai!"

"GASP!" said Gai. "How do you know me!"

"I have come to smite you and your team of adolescents!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo as he pointed at Tenten, Neji and Lee as well.

"THAT'S US!" said Lee.

"No it's not!" Tenten interrupted quickly, jumping on top of Lee.

"Clearly you are the four whom I seek!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo.

"What business do you have with them?" Kakashi asked. "We are trying to celebrate our friend's birthday."

"Yeah!" said Kurenai. "Stop ruining my birthday party!"

"I am on important business!" declared Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo. "I need a hostage in order to isolate the one called 'Gai' so I have chosen Rock Lee!"

"GASP!" gasped Lee.

"And my entire family was slaughtered by Hyuuga Hizashi so I was going to kill HIM but then I found that he was already dead so I will instead smite his son, Hyuuga Neji!" continued Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo.

"What?" said Neji, not recalling an event in which his father slaughtered people for no reason.

"And I have a horrible, terrible past regarding the number ten and the fact that your name is TEN-TEN, as in two tens, I am just offended!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo finished.

"Wait…" started Tenten.

"Now I will force you to listen to my extensively long background and history that will be explained through sporadic flashbacks that are ambiguous and confusing until you have seen all of them!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo announced.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled everyone.

"Hold on a second!" said Gai. "You cannot barge in on our party and say that you are going to kill my team. I simply cannot tolerate it!"

"Then will you fight me?" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo demanded.

"I have no choice!" Gai yelled.

"Taste my wrath!" yelled Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo as he put his arms up in the air and the sky suddenly darkened and lightning bolts began to strike around the place. "You shall soon see why they call me Mahoutsukai no Akuten!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Kiba.

"It means that I'm a WEATHER WITCH!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo answered proudly.

"And…what's that supposed to mean?" Chouji said.

"It means I can control the weather to do all my evil bidding!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo said. "You children won't be able to beat all my elemental powers that come with my abilities as a Weather Witch! There are actually Seven Lords of the Weather Witches and I'm one of them, specializing in Lightning. I am the Lightning Lord of the Seven Legendary Weather Witches!"

"That's quite a mouthful." Commented Shikamaru.

"We are taken from our families when we are only children and trained brutally and extensively so we become living weapons!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo went on even though no one wanted to hear it. "If you could really call what we do LIVING! You see, all of our organs are removed and replaced with machinery so we really can't be defeated! EVER! Because our energy runs on and on! And we are also equipped with an endless amount of weapons and—"

"Wait…" interrupted Gai.

"I wasn't done." Said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo, looking offended.

"This isn't really something we want to hear about." Gai confessed. "It's just… we don't need to hear it."

"I want to be one of the Seven Legendary Weather Witches!" said Naruto.

"You can't!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo. "It can only be the special chosen ones who were born with the divine power on the certain day in the prophecy!"

"I think at this point, I want to be killed." Said Tenten. "Just so I won't have to hear any more about this."

"You may not know it, but someone from your very village is the Hurricane Lord of the Seven Legendary Weather Witches!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo. "BUT I'M NOT TELLING WHO!"

Time passed and eventually they came to realize that Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo was going to explain his entire back-story. So, whilst he spoke, they all ordered their food and started grilling. They figured that if this crazy man was going to kill them, they might as well enjoy a last meal.

"And then when I was only thirteen, my entire family was killed before my very eyes by YOUR father!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo, pointing to Neji, which made him zone in to the lecture. "But because my heart was only metal and artificial parts, I felt nothing. So I took my father's heart and had it put inside me so he could live on! That's what makes me different from the other Six Legendary Weather Witches! I have a REAL HEART! But in the end, I'm still not a human."

"What time is it?" Kurenai whispered to the other teachers as Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo continued to ramble in the background.

"4:00." Asuma replied.

"How long have we been listening to this guy?" asked Gai.

"Gai!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo yelled, interrupting himself. "Where is he! I'll get him back for what he did to my four children and my wife!" He spotted Gai and started foaming at the mouth. "Last year when I—"

"PLEASE don't tell us." Pleaded Ino.

"You must hear the truth!" yelled Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo. "I will finally be able to repay him for all the anguish and suffering my heart has gone through! You see, when my family was killed by his father, I took my father's heart and had it—"

"We heard that already." Neji interrupted, putting his hand up.

"I'm just curious, why aren't you…I don't know, trying to kill us?" asked Tenten. "Not that I want you to, but isn't that why you're here?"

"It IS!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo. "But I was sent by the Leader of the Seven Lords of the Weather Witches who wished for your death! I personally hate killing and try to avoid it whenever I can but whatever he orders I must abide by! Someday, I hope that I will be able to defeat him and become the new Leader so I can change our evil reputation!"

"I thought you wanted to kill Neji because his father killed your family, kidnap me in order to kill Gai and kill Tenten just because you felt like it." said Lee.

"LIES!" said Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo dramatically. "ALL LIES!"

"YOU said them!" said Lee.

"Let me tell you the truth." Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo said, trying to look all dramatic as he clenched his fist and peered wistfully up at the sky. "It all started three years ago when the Tornado Lord swooped in and killed the entire village without even lifting a finger. He might very well be the most powerful among us Lords. He might even be more powerful than the Leader! But he's got a tragic past that he is unable to escape. Come the think of it, I don't even KNOW his past! He keeps it locked up inside of him…"

He opened his eyes and looked around to see that no one was there.

"Hey, are you guys still there?" he asked, looking around foolishly.

He waited some more.

Quickly, he searched the restaurant and then spotted everyone walking away OUTSIDE. He pressed himself up against the glass. "What the…!" he demanded. "How could they? NOW I'M ALONE AGAIN! Just like the time when I was captured by the evil Sound Ninjas!"

He ran out the hole he created in the restaurant and over to where they were trying to nonchalantly escape.

"How DARE you leave while I was telling my story!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo yelled.

"Look, you might have my father confused with my evil uncle." Said Neji.

"I'LL NEVER FORGET THE FACE OF THE MAN WHO KILLED MY FAMILY!" screamed Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo.

"They were twins." Neji explained.

"But…my father never did anything like that either…" Hinata stuttered.

"YOUR FATHER KILLED MY FAMILY TOO?" screamed Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo.

Just then, Shino strolled around the corner and put his hand up like he was GOING to wave, but then saw Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo and sort of just stood there like a tree. Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo spun around to see Shino standing there in his treeish form.

"NOOO!" yelled Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo, dropping to his knees. "Not one of the Aburames! MY ONE WEAKNESS!" Katakiyaku no Aenaisaigo then melted into a pile of goo and disintegrated the ground he was standing on.

"…What?" said Shino.

"Nice work Shino!" said Kurenai. "You destroyed the original character! Thank you SO much!"

"Um." Shino couldn't think of anything intelligent to say.

"So how about it, Kurenai?" said Asuma. "Has this been the worst birthday ever because it was invaded by someone so annoying and pointless?"

"It could have been worse." Said Kurenai. "I could have fallen in love with him!"

"Good point!" laughed everyone as they chuckled warmly and a black circle engulfed them.

"Wait…I still don't get what happened…" came Shino's still confused voice.

"OH SHINO!" chuckled everyone else.


	24. Father's Day

Chapter 24- Father's Day

Today was Father's Day.

And, as usual, this meant that the world was coming to an end.

"So uh…" Gai said to the group of students as he nervously pulled at his collar. "Today is June 19th… this is a holiday that is celebrated annually…"

No one really knew what to do or say because evil was just radiating from Neji's direction and Hinata was pretty sure she was going to suffocate and die.

"Um…" Hinata said quietly, raising her hand. "May I go to the bathroom?"

"Yes, let me take you!" Kurenai said immediately as she grabbed Hinata and ran away as fast as she could, and Neji only GLARED.

"What's the plan for Father's Day?" Kiba asked. "I hope it's not anything that involves fathers because I get the eerie feeling that I'm not the only one around here without a dad."

"You're not." Said Naruto, Neji and Sasuke all at the same time.

"I didn't know you didn't have a dad, Kiba." Said Shino.

"Oh I do." Said Kiba. "He's just at the grocery store."

Shino frowned.

"Just kidding, Shino." Said Kiba.

"About what?" asked Naruto. "Not having a dad or him being at the grocery store?"

"Him being at the grocery store." Kiba replied. "Well, actually, for all I know he might be at the grocery store. I don't really know where he is."

"Well, that completely threw off our calculations." Sighed Asuma. "For Father's Day we were going to encourage you all to hang out with your fathers and then we three male teachers were going to hang out with the three students who don't have fathers but now we obviously can't do THAT!"

"Were you seriously going to do that?" Sasuke said in a tone of disbelief.

"I really don't care." Said Kiba. "You guys can hang out with those three and just leave me alone."

"Nonsense!" said Gai. "The seven of us will just hang out as one big odor!"

"And the rest of us?" Shikamaru led.

"Why, hang out with your fathers of course!" said Asuma.

"With no supervision?" Shikamaru continued.

"Right." Kakashi replied.

Everyone who had a dad nodded and then ran off as fast as they could before the teachers could say anything else.

"FIRST!" said Asuma. "I believe it is vitally important for all of you to have 'the talk'. After all, you're all reaching your teens without fathers to give you 'the talk' and therefore WE shall do it for you!"

"I don't need 'the talk'." Said Neji, doing the little quotes. "I'm already a teen."

"Yeah, but you're immature enough to not be a teen so therefore it is our duty to educate you." Kakashi said.

"What is it with July?" said Kiba randomly.

No one really knew what to say to that, so they just sort of cleared their throats to signal for Kiba to explain his outrageous comment.

"Well, except for Naruto, we're all born in July." Kiba concluded. "And I was just noticing that fact, that's all. Actually, Akamaru was the first to notice it and I'm pretending it was my idea!"

"…Okay Kiba…" said everyone else.

"ANYWAY." Said Gai. "We'll explain the birds and the bees to you! It all starts when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much. They hug each other, and then nine months later the stork brings them a new baby!"

"Wow, Gai." Said Asuma, slapping his forehead.

"I'm glad we had this talk." Said Naruto sarcastically.

"What's next on our list of vitally important things that we have to teach these poor children without fathers how to do?" Gai said, clapping his hands.

Kakashi pulled out his list. "Bike riding." He replied.

"You guys aren't going to try to squish an entire childhood of bonding with our fathers into a couple of hours bonding with you, are you?" asked Sasuke.

The male teachers looked at each other awkwardly.

"Uh…yeah." Said Asuma. "That was the plan."

"Then let's get this over with." Sasuke sighed.

Naruto, Sasuke, Neji and Kiba were then systematically tortured into being taught how to ride a bike and play catch and build things and beyond that, the list gets far too complicated to dwell on. So, instead of peeking into their activities, we will instead migrate to the others who DO have fathers!

"Father's Day is my favorite time of the year." Said Shikamaru's dad who will be known as Shikato as he sat in a local restaurant with Ino's dad and Chouji's dad who will be known as Inoshi and Chomaru respectively.

"Why is that?" asked Inoshi.

"Because it's the one time of the year that my wife leaves me alone!" Shikato said. "Well, besides the fact that she wants to make me dinner when I get home."

"Is that…bad?" said Chomaru with a raised eyebrow.

Just then, Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji came strolling in talking about virtually pointless things, such as the questionable sexuality of Sasuke. Ino swore he was heterosexual, Chouji contemplated that perhaps he was homosexual, and Shikamaru was convinced that he was asexual.

"What are you kids doing here?" Inoshi asked once the conversation seemed to be diminished.

"It's Father's Day!" said Ino. "We have to spend time with you guys!"

"Seriously?" said Shikato.

"That's really not necessary." Inoshi assured them.

"We would LOVE you spend time with you!" Chomaru exclaimed. Shikato and Inoshi threw angry glares at him.

So the three children sat down with their fathers and, after a few minutes of silence, Inoshi cleared his throat.

"So…what's the plan?" he said. "Do you guys need 'the talk'?"

"Dad!" said Ino angrily. "No we don't need 'the talk'! And besides, don't call us 'guys' because I'm a girl!"

"Ino, maybe YOU don't need 'the talk' but what makes you think you can speak for us?" Shikamaru said.

"Oh, so you DO need the talk?" Inoshi said, looking at Shikato with that face that suggested he was thinking, "You haven't given your son 'the talk' yet?"

"No, I don't." said Shikamaru.

Shikato threw the, "How dare you accuse me of not giving my son 'the talk'!" expression at Inoshi.

"Well, if you don't need 'the talk', why are you here?" Chomaru questioned.

"There's more to father-son relationships than just 'the talk'." Shikamaru said.

"Father-CHILD." Ino corrected.

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru.

"No!" said Ino. "Just because YOU'RE too lazy to consider my feelings doesn't mean you can just shrug it off with a 'whatever'!"

"It has NOTHING to do with my laziness." Shikamaru frowned.

"We could play catch or something." Chouji suggested constructively. "Cause I feel like whenever we spend time with each other, we're training and not spending time with each other for the sake of spending time with each other!"

"Oh Chouji…" said Chomaru as he wiped a tear from his eye. Then the two of them joined hands and frolicked out the door to go and play catch.

"I've got an idea, Dad!" exclaimed Ino. "Let's go to the mall so you can buy me things!"

"Um…" Inoshi stuttered but he was soon whisked away by his daughter in the direction of the local Konoha Mall.

Shikamaru and Shikato stared at each other for a few minutes.

"Well…I'm glad we've spent this time together." Said Shikato, standing up.

"Yeah." Said Shikamaru as he went off to watch the clouds or something.

Meanwhile, Tenten and Lee were chillaxing together. So they approached a fork in the road. Yes, even though they weren't moving, they managed to approach a fork. Perhaps the fork approached them but that's okay. We won't get technical.

"Well, my house is this way!" said Lee, pointing down to the left.

"And my house is this way!" Tenten said as she pointed to the right.

"So um…is your dad away on a mission too?" Lee asked.

"…Yeah…" Tenten nodded.

"Okay." Said Lee. "Happy Father's Day!"

"You too!" Tenten agreed.

Then the two of them parted ways FOREVER. But not really forever. Just for an amount of time until they meet again.

Meanwhile…

Hinata's Dad, Hiashi, was hesitantly looking out the window. He saw someone approaching the house and was quite relieved to find that it was only Hinata.

"Hinata, do you know where Neji is?" he asked.

"He's with our teachers." Hinata replied.

Hiashi gave a sigh of relief. "When I woke up this morning and did not sense evil radiating from his room, I was worried that he had departed early to scheme a clever and creative way of destroying us on Father's Day."

Hinata nodded. That seemed completely plausible.

"Do you know how long he'll be gone?" Hiashi questioned.

"All day?" Hinata tried.

Hiashi gave another sigh of relief. "We can only hope."

All the while, Shino walked up his front steps and swung the door open. He accidentally used a little too much force, however, and opened the door so hard that the doorknob got lodged in the wall. After staring at the damage he had created, a question mark formed above his head and he wondered why such a strange thing happened.

So he pulled the door out of the wall and closed it. Then he stared at the damage some more.

Then Shino's Dad walked around the corner. "Shino, what did you do to the wall?" he asked.

Shino turned around. "I opened the door too fast and accidentally lodged the doorknob into the wall." He replied.

Shino's Dad nodded. "Okay." He said.

"I will fix it." Shino said.

"Yes." Said Shino's Dad as he walked into the other room. "Yes you will."

Shino looked at the wall some more.

"Father," he said in his 'calling' voice, which is essentially only slightly louder than his speaking voice.

"Yes Shino?" came Shino's Dad's calling voice.

"Apparently it's Father's Day." Shino answered.

"Apparently." Shino's Dad agreed.

There was another long pause.

"Father?" Shino called again.

"Yes Shino?"

Another silence.

"Where do babies come from?"


	25. A Cruel Summer

Chapter 25- It's a Cruel Summer

"Ahh…summer!" Kurenai exclaimed contently as she stretched out her beach chair and plopped it down in the sand. "It's my favorite time of year!"

"Couldn't you think of something more creative other than just going to the beach?" Kakashi asked. "I mean, we've already had a pool party."

"Well, beaches are different." Kurenai said as she turned to the students. "Everyone do something different than what you were doing at the pool party! And my team, you guys can't make a sand castle!"

"Why not?" Kiba demanded as if it really mattered to him.

"Because you made a sand castle during the women's history celebration." Kurenai replied.

"So because we've already made a sand castle once this year we're not allowed to do it again?" Shino questioned.

"Uh…yeah!" said Kurenai.

"Just for that, I am SO going to build a sand castle!" Kiba declared.

"But I already said you couldn't." Kurenai pointed out.

"Yeah." Said Kiba. "And that's the exact reason why I'm going to build one."

"Wait…" Kurenai said, scratching her head in a confused fashion but she was unable to further question Kiba's logic (or lack there of) because he grabbed both Hinata and Shino and sprinted off to find a secret spot where they could build a sand castle. "Oh well. It's not like I ACTUALLY care."

"Okay, so essentially we're just not allowed to play volleyball?" Naruto translated.

"Right." Said the teachers AS A UNIT.

"And, before we set you all loose, we're going to discuss upcoming holidays." Said Asuma, taking out the famous clipboard with all the holidays scribed on it. "June is at a close so July is on its way. You may not know this but July is National Celebrate Life Month."

"You're right, I DIDN'T know that." Said Sasuke.

"Do you always have to throw in a mean spirited snide comment?" Gai said, looking genuinely hurt FOR Asuma.

"Yes." Said Sasuke, crossing his arms.

"We'll explain that thoroughly as the month goes on." Asuma continued since he wasn't as affected as Gai apparently was. "Well, I'm sure you ALL know whose birthday is coming up on the third!"

"NEJI'S!" Gai screamed, getting over his distraught.

"WOW!" Lee exclaimed, slapping his cheeks as he ran over to Neji who as rolling his eyes. "Aren't you excited to be a year older?"

Neji went, "Pffft," and said the one thing he was expected to say; "My birthday isn't something one should celebrate."

The mood of pure excitement was systematically shifted with that simple comment.

"And um…" Asuma went on, not feeling nearly as enthusiastic as before. "So Kurenai will be planning that party…"

"YAY!" cheered Kurenai, trying to get happiness going again. "I'll tell you all what my plans are when the time gets closer!"

"And can one of you take up upon yourself to tell Team 8 everything they missed because they foolishly ran off in such haste to build a sandcastle?" Kakashi requested.

"Hey!" said Kurenai. "Don't call my team foolish!"

As the teachers began an argument, all the students, with the exception of Team 8 who were currently building a sandcastle, frolicked off to the water.

"Let's play tag with the waves!" Lee exclaimed as he ran over to the water's edge and, as the waves splashed against the sand, he quickly ran away. "HAW HAW HAW HAW!" he laughed as he had WAY too much fun.

"Lee, stop it before I harm you." Neji threatened as he grabbed Lee's arm before he could run towards the water again.

"Aw man…" Lee said sadly.

"Sasuke, do you like my brand new bathing suit?" Ino asked.

"It looks exactly the same as the one you wore at Chouji's pool party." Sasuke said.

Ino gasped. "So you noticed me in my bathing suit at Chouji's pool party!" she shrieked.

"Um…" Sasuke said quickly, but he was lucky saved by Naruto's loud exclamation that Sakura looked absolutely GORGEOUS in her bathing suit, and Lee's quick follow up that he believed Sakura looked RADIANT.

"I think I kind of want to build a sandcastle with Team 8." Said Shikamaru, looking longingly back at the beach area.

Meanwhile, with Team 8…

"I know, Shino!" Kiba said, punching one fist into his palm.

"Did you have an epiphany, Kiba?" Shino questioned.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "We can build this sandcastle for your bugs!"

Shino stared at Kiba long and hard, hoping maybe Kiba would throw in that 'JUST KIDDING!' he so frequently does. When Kiba only sat there with a very excited expression on his face, Shino finally gave a heavy sigh. "They don't want to live in it." He said.

Kiba looked absolutely shocked. "How do you know something like that?" he said.

"They told me."

"Um…" Hinata said, raising her hand a little bit. "Kiba, didn't you make that suggestion last time we made a sandcastle?"

"Thank you, Hinata." Said Shino.

"I don't think I did." Kiba said thoughtfully.

It was then that Shikamaru followed through with his decision and came over to help with the sandcastle. It was awkward at first, but Chouji joined him pretty soon after that and within about ten minutes, just about EVERYONE was helping with the massive sandcastle.

Except for Lee, of course, because now that Neji wasn't there to keep him from playing tag with the waves, he could now play tag with the waves in peace.

"You know, I can see why you guys like building sandcastles so much." Tenten commented.

"It's not like we like building sandcastles sandcastles, we just so happened to be building them on two different occasions." Shino said but he was ignored as usual.

"Well, I'm really only building this sandcastle to annoy Kurenai." Kiba admitted.

"I don't think Kurenai's annoyed." Hinata said.

"She's just not showing it!" Kiba said ambitiously.

"HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" came Lee's way too excited laugh as he continued to play tag with the waves and everyone tried not to stare.

"All right, I'm bored with this." Naruto decided as he stood up. "Who wants to dig a hole with me and then bury someone in it?"

"That takes WAY too much effort." Shikamaru said.

"Shikamaru, you are SO—"

Ino was promptly silenced because she received the scariest chuunin-iest glare from Shikamaru EVER.

"Well, I brought this boogie board…" Kiba said with a shrug.

"BOOGIE BOARD! MINE!" screamed Naruto.

Without fail, if there is one boogie board and two people who want to use it, there is officially an all-out war.

They started having a tug-o-war, and Naruto's argument was that Kiba didn't even want to use it until he saw that Naruto wanted to use it…while Kiba argued that it was HIS boogie board so he got right to use it first!

Finally, Sasuke decided that he didn't want to hear anymore of this argument so he got up and used his fire moves that never work on the boogie board and caused it to ignite into flames. Kiba and Naruto then threw it out into the water as not to burn themselves. But of course they didn't let the incinerated corpse of the boogie board float out into the sea because then that's polluting, so they quickly collected it and threw it into the nearest trash receptacle.

"Great." Said Naruto. "Now NEITHER of us can boogie board at all. This is all your fault, Kiba!"

"My fault?" Kiba said. "How is this MY fault?"

"You didn't let me use your boogie board!" Naruto answered as if it was completely obvious.

"HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" came the combined laughter of both Gai and Lee playing tag with the waves.

"That is getting really annoying." Neji said, looking very close to jumping up, running over and strangling both Lee and Gai.

"So what do you guys want to do instead?" said Chouji. "I mean, we're stuck at this beach for only our teachers know how long, so we might as well make the best of it."

"I'm going to sleep." Said Shikamaru as he lied down right then and there and began his attempts to fall asleep, but it was pretty obvious that Ino began elevating her tone of speech just so he WOULDN'T fall asleep.

"Did you guys know that, annually, more people are killed by donkeys than die in air crashes?" Kiba asked.

Quite randomly.

"Um…no, we didn't know that." Said Sasuke.

"Is that true?" Sakura said. Kiba nodded.

"Kiba, are you mixing medications?" Shino inquired. "Or, quite possibly, did you neglect to take your medication all together?"

"Shino! I'm INSULTED!" said Kiba. "I was just trying to start conversation!"

"WHY?" said Neji. "We were already in the middle of a conversation."

"Well, I was bored with that conversation!" Kiba said defensively.

"So you'd rather talk about donkeys and car crashes?" Tenten said, baffled.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I WOULD!" Kiba declared openly as if he was a big rebel for preferring that.

"All right, all right," said Ino. "Let's just put all that weird stuff aside and instead talk about what we're going to do while we're stuck here."

"I'm still all for digging that hole and burying someone." Naruto shrugged.

Everyone sighed and eventually decided that they wanted to dig the hole too. Since Shikamaru was the only one against it in the first place and he was now asleep, they didn't have to feel stupid for agreeing with Naruto that that would be a fun way to pass their time.

So everyone worked together to dig quite the deep hole. It was so deep and intense that random small children who passed by would have to stop and shriek with joy. Some people even wept.

Finally, when they figured their hole was deep enough, they had to decide whom they would bury. Their initial thought was Lee since he was still playing tag with the water and it was ever so annoying. But then they realized how troublesome it would be to drag Lee over to the hole and force him to cooperate.

Then, of course, after this reasoning for NOT dragging Lee over to the hole, they discovered the PERFECT person for the torture! Even though Chouji protested at first, even he could resist that tossing Shikamaru into the hole while he slept and then covering him with sand was just HILARIOUS.

So they did just that. Of course, after you fall into a hole quite uncomfortably, even someone like Shikamaru can't remain sleeping so he awoke in quite the frazzled state and pulled himself up out of the hole and was HEAPING big angry for this disrespect! Everyone pretended to be apologetic, but they could only chuckle warmly, resting assured with the thought in mind that Shikamaru had PLENTY of sand in his trunks.

"Okay, that was fun." Said Naruto. "I'm satisfied."

They all had to then clean off their hands with the exception of Shikamaru who had to clean off his whole body. He tried to hold a grudge, but finally came to the conclusion that grudges are troublesome and let it all slide.

"HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!" laughed Lee with such glee as he once again dodged a wave that surely would have tagged him if not for his incredible speed.

Neji was feeling unstable and maybe even a little psychotic at the time because he hadn't gotten the opportunity to alleviate his anger on Father's Day so he turned around and Gentle Fisted Lee as far as he would go. For once, everyone was thankful for Neji's instability.

"Nicely done." Said Tenten.


	26. A Very Neji Birthday

Chapter 26- A Very Neji Birthday

The plan was _perfect_. And Kurenai, being the crazy perfectionist we have pretended she is, had everything set far in advance. On July 2nd, she told Gai to whisk his team away on a "mission" and return the next day, confused as to WHY the escort never showed up! Then, upon returning to Konoha, Neji would be greeted with a grand birthday surprise!

Naturally, Tenten and Lee were in on the plan as well. And, when Gai announced that he SUDDENLY got an assignment right before he dismissed the students for the night, both played along.

"All right!" cheered Tenten. "A last minute mission! This is going to be so fun!"

"Yes!" said Lee. "But FAITH! Neji! It is on the eve of your birthday!"

Neji clearly was thinking, "So?"

"Well, let us depart with haste!" Gai exclaimed as he pointed off into the sunset. And it really was a sunset too.

As the team left, Kurenai poked her head out of a bush and rubbed her hands together diabolically, excited that her perfect plan was finally being put into action!

So the remaining students and teachers ambushed the Hyuuga house and decorated it full of streamers and signs and balloons and various other things that made the Hyuugas die a little inside, and would certainly make Neji die a LOT inside, but Kurenai was far from caring!

They stayed up almost all night and finally, whence they finished, Kurenai forced them all to camp out in the front yard so Neji would not return to the house when they were not there.

"I hope Neji goes through this much trouble to plan MY birthday party." Kiba sighed as he got into his sleeping bag.

Within hours, it was morning time. Kurenai told Gai to return at exactly noon so when the clock struck one o'clock and he was still not there, everyone began pondering what had happened. Had he somehow gotten lost? Had he bumped into another group of klepto-specifics? Had he gotten into a fight with an evil vizier over the rights to govern Toyland?

"I'm getting hungry…" Chouji said as he looked longingly at all the food that was off limits on the other side of the room.

"It's almost two o'clock." Said Sasuke, looking at his awesome ninja watch. "How long are we going to wait around here?"

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"That must be him!" said Naruto.

"Why would Neji ring the doorbell to his own house?" Shikamaru pointed out.

Kurenai went over to the door and opened it up to find Gai standing there.

"Gai!" she said, sounding somewhat angry. "Where have you been? Are you aware that you are two hours late? And where's Neji?"

"Uh…" Gai started nervously. "It's not very funny, but can we all start laughing so I can at least pretend it is?"

"Okay…okay…tell us what happened." Asuma said.

Gai took a deep breath. "All right." He said. "This morning at about nine o'clock, everything was going smoothly but we were a little behind schedule so I wanted to hurry things along without making it look like I was trying to hurry things along! So I tried to take a shortcut…"

"You didn't take that shortcut that is actually a giant gorge, did you?" Kakashi interrupted.

"Uh…yeah, actually I did by accident…" Gai admitted.

"Okay." Said Kurenai. "That should have taken you AT MOST fifteen minutes to get out of."

"That's the thing." Gai said. "We all tumbled down the gorge and then we landed on top of Neji and killed him."

Then there was silence.

"You killed him?" Hinata whispered quietly.

"No, not really." Gai said. "I was just kidding."

"Oh." Said everyone, trying not to look TOO disappointed.

"But we did manage to gravely wound him." Gai finished up.

"Okay…" said Kurenai. "Let me get this straight. I went through all this trouble to plan this fantastic party and you throw Neji off the edge of a gorge so he can't even come to it?"

"I didn't do it on PURPOSE!" Gai said.

"All right everyone!" said Asuma. "Grab some balloons, grab the cake, grab the presents and some streamers! If Neji won't come to the party then we'll bring the party to him!"

"YAY!" cheered everyone. They couldn't help it. Whenever says something like that, you just HAVE to cheer with glee.

So the mass of people grabbed the aforementioned party favors and paraded down the streets, leaving those crazy Hyuugas to pick up whatever mess they left behind.

When they reached the hospital, they ignored any pleas from nurses, doctors and medical ninjas that told them not to be such an insane presence where people were trying to rest, but they would have none of it! As far as they were concerned, they were on a mission!

Tenten and Lee were waiting outside one of the rooms and when they saw the party coming, they jumped with joy as well and quickly joined the giant mass that just seemed to be sucking people in as it went along like some sort of indistinct shapeless form on a rampage.

"Gai…you didn't say he was unconscious." Said Kakashi as all of the balloons popped spontaneously right there on the spot as they entered the hospital room only to find Neji lying there, somewhat resembling a tree, but not quite as well as Shino does.

"Well, I thought maybe he had regained consciousness while I was gone." Gai shrugged.

"That takes all the fun out of crashing a hospital with a party." Ino said. "Now we just look like obsessed relatives who are still in denial."

"Okay, so now what?" Sakura asked.

"You could leave." Said a medical ninja who just so happened to be a midget for no reason other than that's just the way he was born.

They all awkwardly tossed all their party items into the room and shut the door and shuffled out of the hospital in a dejected fashion.

"That was a pointless waste of time." Shikamaru observed.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Asuma. "Reschedule the party?"

"Neji said he didn't want a party anyway." Said Tenten. "Maybe it's better this way."

Gai suddenly got a light bulb above his head and then started fuming. "He's FAKING it!" he yelled as he turned around and stomped back into the hospital. The others waited around for Gai to come back out because now they were curious of whether or not Neji might have been faking it just to get out of having to celebrate his birthday. Is that weird or what? But totally typical for Neji.

About three minutes later, Gai exited the hospital, not looking nearly as proud or angry as he did before.

"He's not faking it." He sulked.

"Anyway…" Sasuke led the teachers so he could leave soon.

"Oh yeah." Said Kakashi. "Anyway, the next holiday—"

"But what about Neji's birthday and all the trouble I went through planning it!" Kurenai practically shrieked.

"It's okay." Said Kakashi. "We'll just celebrate his birthday along with the 4th of July."

"4th of July?" Shikamaru questioned with a raised eyebrow. "Are we even in the right universe for that holiday?"

"YES!" yelled the teachers even though it wasn't true.

"So the 4th of July is tomorrow OBVIOUSLY, since today is the 3rd of July." Said Asuma with a nod. "Everyone meet us in Kakashi's team's training area since you guys have the least amount of trees."

"I think my team's training area has the least amount of trees." Said Kurenai. (Besides Shino of course.)

"Um…okay…whatever." Said Asuma. "Kurenai's team's training area then."

"Wouldn't it be best if we went someplace high up?" Kakashi suggested.

"YES!" cheered Gai. "Let us meet atop the Hokage Mountain Golf Course at sundown!"

"Uh…okay." Said Asuma with a shrug. It's not like he ACTUALLY cared.

"So we'll see you all tomorrow night!" said Kurenai to the students as they departed.

Naturally, Kiba and Shino decided to walk Hinata home.

"I wonder if my father knows Neji is in the hospital." Hinata pondered.

"I'm not worried about THAT." Said Kiba. "He better recover soon so he can plan my birthday party!"

"Even if he was at full health, I doubt he'd plan a party for you, Kiba." Shino pointed out.

"Well, Shino, after seeing YOU plan a party, I believe anything is possible." Kiba said.

It was at that moment that they reached the end of the street that eventually led to the Hyuuga complex area. Kiba and Shino wouldn't be caught dead there without jounin teachers to protect them from Hinata's father, so that is where they bid Hinata adieu.


	27. The Fourth of Luglio

**Aaaaaaaaaaand we're back. Sorry about our little hiatusfolks. We hope that that'll never happen again. You can now enjoy one chapter every two days without anymore interruptions unless, of course, we fail at keeping up with ourselves again. Peace out, home boys.**

Chapter 27- The Fourth of Luglio

"So how's Neji by the way?" Sakura asked Lee and Tenten just to create small talk as they waited for Teams 10 and 8, along with the teachers, to arrive at the golf course. They were currently sitting at hole 18 because that's where they were informed to wait.

"Well, he's still unconscious." Said Tenten.

"Isn't that a coma?" Sasuke asked.

"No, cause he's awake SOMETIMES." Lee clarified. "If he was ALWAYS unconscious then it'd be a coma."

"But the way she worded it implied that he hadn't waken up yet." Sasuke pointed out.

"Yeah Tenten, why did you word it like that?" Lee questioned.

Tenten only shrugged.

Just then, the teachers rounded the corner with golf clubs in their hands.

"Would you kids mind getting out of the way so we can finish up this hole?" Kurenai requested.

"Were you guys seriously playing miniature golf?" asked Naruto.

"Why not!" demanded Asuma. "We're here, aren't we?"

"Hey, where are the rest of our students?" Kakashi questioned.

"MY students are punctual as usual!" Gai said proudly.

"…So are mine…" said Kakashi since Gai had sort of made it seem like that was a reason why he was better, but obviously that WASN'T a reason because, like he just stated, his students are punctual as well.

Just then, Team 8 came strolling up over the hills of the golf course and joined their compadres at Hole 18.

"Well, what's your reason for being late?" Kurenai said, putting her hands on her hips.

"We're not late." Said Kiba as he pointed at the sunset. "You said be here at sunset. The sun is still setting."

"Good job, Kiba, that argument actually made sense." Shino nodded.

"Leave me alone Shino!" said Kiba. "It's bad enough that Akamaru's giving me crap about forgetting his birthday last year!" Akamaru barked angrily at Kiba with VENGENCE in his eyes. "Well sor-RY! I wasn't aware that I had to give you some kind of tangible gift to prove our friendship! Keep in mind that you didn't get ME a gift either!" Akamaru barked again. "Yeah, I know you're a dog. But don't you think that I give you enough things throughout the year?" Akamaru barked. "WHAT? Say that again, I DARE you!"

"Kiba…" Kurenai said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Did you hear what he just said to me?" Kiba demanded, throwing an evil glare at Akamaru. Everyone told him that he was right and Akamaru was wrong just to humor him.

"Now we're only waiting on one team." Said Gai.

Kurenai, Gai and Kakashi then all started clearing their throats and twiddling their thumbs absentmindedly as Asuma clenched his fist dramatically.

"WELL AT LEAST ONE OF MY STUDENTS IS A CHUUNIN!" Asuma yelled.

"Asuma, really." Said Kakashi. "When you pull the Chuunin card, we know we've won."

"Whatever." Said Asuma, crossing his arms childishly.

Within a few minutes, the last team arrived with an excuse no better than Team 8's excuse. They intelligently waited for it to get darker so they could see the beautiful firecrackers better and, once the sky was dark enough, they all gathered round as Gai took off a large backpack and opened it up.

"Are these legal?" Ino said as she pulled out a giant firecracker rocket type thing from the bag.

"Of course!" Gai said. "With this rocket, your youth will burn with the fire of a thousand suns!"

"What?" said Ino. "That makes no sense!"

"You have to learn with Gai that sometimes things just don't make sense, so then it all ties back to youth." Tenten said, putting a hand on Ino's shoulder before she said or did anything irrational that would inevitably cause a rant on youth.

"Let's light it up." Said Kakashi as he whipped out a match.

The anticipation was great as Kakashi leaned in and lit the fuse.

Everyone watched in awe as the fuse quickly diminished and went up into the rocket. Then there was a slight pause, and the firecracker took off into the air like a 747 while everyone 'ooh'ed and 'ahh'ed.

Once it reached the sky, it suddenly exploded. It was green, and the kind that took up the whole sky. One gigantic BANG and it was instantly light for just a few moments. The edges fell down and the smoke left a little skeleton trail behind that soon was gone.

First there was silence, then everyone erupted into cheers.

"Wow!" said Naruto. "Do the other ones!"

The teachers laughed heartily, but their hearty laughing soon died out.

"Other ones…?" Asuma said, scratching his forehead.

Then the students groaned.

"Are you kidding me?" demanded Sakura. "Something was FINALLY interesting and cool and you guys RUIN it! That is SO typical!"

"Well excuse us for trying to entertain you!" said Kurenai, looking awfully offended.

"So, are we done here?" Sasuke said, standing up. "There's no point in sticking around if there's no entertainment."

"No, you must stay for a brief history lesson!" Gai announced, pointing his finger up in the air. "Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th; John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later! In fact—"

"Gai please." Said Kakashi, putting a hand up to silence him.

"Yeah, we never said anything about a history lesson." Asuma agreed.

"Instead, let's discuss more holidays." Kurenai suggested.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "My birthday for example! Who's going to plan my birthday?"

"Neji is." Said Gai dumbly.

"Yeah…but in the event in which he is unable to…?" Kiba led.

"Oh yes…" said Gai, scratching his chin.

"How about Hinata?" Kurenai said.

"…Me?" Hinata stuttered.

"Yes!" said Kurenai. "Since your birthday is at the end of the year, you wouldn't have to plan anyone's birthday! So this way you could plan Kiba's birthday party!"

"Nice one, Kurenai!" said Asuma as he and Kurenai slapped hands.

"So it's settled." Said Kakashi. "Hinata will plan Kiba's birthday which is on the seventh."

"Yahoo!" said Kiba. "Maybe I'll get my super day after all!"

"And," Gai went on. "As you all know since we told you, this month is National Celebrate Life Month and this is what we're planning… Kurenai?"

"Thank you, Gai." Said Kurenai. "We want you all to contemplate what you would do if you could only do one more thing before you died. As morbid as that sounds, I can tell that it will be a really fun day because we will do twelve fun things!"

The students nodded, looking satisfied with the potential outcome of this particular holiday.

"Oh right." Said Kakashi. "We also have a special holiday planned for 12th and we won't tell you what it is until after Kiba's birthday."

"I hope it's not something stupid like Story Day." Said Shino.

"SHINO!" said Kurenai. "How dare you disrespect us!"

"That means it's stupid." Kiba whispered to Akamaru. Akamaru whined.

"All right, that's enough!" said Asuma. "You're all dismissed! Enjoy the rest of the 4th of July and Hinata, make sure to tell us as soon as you figure out what you're going to do for Kiba's birthday which is on the 7th!"

Without another word, all the students and teachers separated.


	28. Kiba's SUPER Birthday

Chapter 28- Kiba's SUPER Birthday

"Okay Kiba…we're going to take off the blindfold now… no hyperventilating…" Kurenai warned.

"JUST TAKE OFF THE BLINDFOLD!" Kiba yelled as if he had been standing there for hours.

Kurenai whipped off the blindfold to reveal they were standing in front of FUN WORLD!

"FUN WORLD!" Kiba exclaimed as he fainted right then and there.

After Kiba was revived, everyone ran inside to Fun World; where a kid can be a kid! Wait, that's Chuck E. Cheese. Well you know what? Chuck E. Cheese and Fun World merged into one awesomely wonderful place so you can not only go to five different levels of fun and games, but you can also be entertained by a man walking around in a giant mouse suit.

"Hinata, I must say that this was a great idea." Said Shino as he watched Kiba frolic and play the Eskimo way like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Thanks…" said Hinata timidly.

"Yeah, Hinata, this is a party where we didn't have to do anything in preparation, don't have to do any cleaning up afterwards, and we can have fun too." Sasuke said randomly.

"Before we run around like crazy people, let us open the gifts!" said Gai as he grabbed Kiba by his hood and pulled him over to where everyone else was congregated.

"But it's MY birthday!" said Kiba. "I want to run around like a crazy person first!"

"But the GIFTS, Kiba!" Gai said as he shook the present he worked so hard to wrap.

Well, Kiba could argue with THAT logic. So he sat down at a booth where pizza was promptly ordered and Gai presented him with the first gift. Kiba opened it like a chainsaw and pulled out…

"Gai, are you just going to give green spandex suits to everyone?" Tenten said, shaking her head slightly.

"Yes!" said Gai. "I even had one especially made for Kiba's dog!"

"Um…thanks Gai…" said Kiba as he pulled out the aforementioned item. Akamaru barked an equally awkward response.

"No problem!" Gai said. "Just promise me you shall be youthful with it!"

"That's a promise." Said Kiba, trying to make Gai happy.

Kiba went around the room and received many water guns, and Akamaru got a few chew toys from people who cared to remember it was his birthday too.

"This is awesome!" Kiba said, looking at his stack of water guns. "I could get my entire clan in a water gun fight!"

"Yeah Kiba…" said everyone because they really just wanted to go and have fun in the play structure.

At this point, they were all set LOOSE! And they all separated according to their teams because everything is so much easier this way.

"Geez, how long is Neji going to use his injury as an excuse to miss these stupid holiday things?" Tenten complained as she watched Lee play the Whack-A-Mole game with such enthusiasm.

"I don't know, Tenten!" said Lee as he finished the game and received his tickets for his winnings. "He went easy at training yesterday, after all!"

"He just didn't want to come to Fun World, that's all." Said Tenten, crossing her arms.

Lee gasped dramatically. "How could ANYONE not want to come to Fun World!"

"Lee…" said Tenten as she fished through her pockets and pulled out a token to begin her game playing. "This is Neji we're talking about. He'll do ANYTHING to get out of ANYTHING that is social and has nothing to do with fighting."

Lee thought about this very sincerely. "That's actually true…" he decided finally. "But let not Neji's absence bother us! We must enjoy our time at Fun World while we can!"

"Yeah!" Tenten agreed. "Besides, if Neji was here, he'd probably just ruin everything anyway!"

"YEAH!" said Lee.

Then the two of them ran off to have some good clean fun!

Meanwhile…

"SASUKE!" shrieked Sakura as she crawled around foolishly inside the bubble tubes. "Sasuke, where are you?"

She came to a stop and began to weep.

"Oh where is my Sasuke when I need him?" she wailed. "And oh how I need him so! Sasuke, please return to me!"

"Sakura!" came a voice from down the tunnels. Even though it was far away and echoey, Sakura knew right away that it was Naruto, so she promptly halted her tears and started crawling away as fast as she could.

Naruto came to the exact spot where Sakura used to be and looked around aimlessly.

"That's funny…" he said.

After quickly evaluating his situation, he decided to continue crawling in his search for his beloved.

Sasuke had long since ridden the fun slide down to the bottom, and was now climbing back into the structure at the way beginning. ON THE OTHER SIDE. No one would ever find him, and that's exactly how he wanted it to be. He was a little afraid, however, of all the random people who were around because the last thing he needed right now so close to his birthday was to fall in love with another one of those crazy original characters.

Meanwhile…

"Come on, guys." Said Ino as Chouji and Shikamaru just sat there like fool children. "We're at an arcade type place and we have to have the token playing Dance Dance Revolution scene."

"Why do WE have to be the group playing Dance Dance Revolution?" Shikamaru complained. "Let's go upstairs to the Merry-Go-Round."

"I think that's only for kids ten and under." Chouji said.

"How troublesome." Shikamaru sighed. "Isn't there some kind of virtual reality shooting game that we can all sit down, hold a trigger and entertain ourselves that way?"

"But that's not as stimulating as getting up and dancing around foolishly." Ino pointed out.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. Wasn't that the point?

"Oh fine." Said Ino, crossing her arms. "I bet you're just scared, Shikamaru. Or maybe it's that… you're just… too… LAZY!"

"Ino…success is a journey, not a destination." Shikamaru said. "So stop running."

Ino was immediately frozen in confusion. She had to think about that one.

"While you ponder the meaning of my wisdom, I'll be around the corner shooting at airplanes." Shikamaru said, rising and walking away. Chouji shrugged and followed after him as Ino could only lamely raise a finger in response, and then chase after them. Shikamaru had won THIS time!

Meanwhile…

"This is so much fun." Said Kiba. "I'm so glad YOU planned our party, Hinata, and not Neji. As a matter of fact, I'm just plain glad that Neji's not even here."

"Do you really have that much against Neji?" said Shino.

"No, I don't." Kiba admitted. "He gets annoying after a while though."

Shino looked at Kiba skeptically.

"Anyway," said Kiba. "Since it's our birthday and all, you two have to sing me and Akamaru the Happy Birthday song!"

Hinata blushed, and Shino adjusted his sunglasses.

"Oh come on, guys!" said Kiba. "We'll sing with you if you do it too!"

Kiba didn't wait for a response, he just immediately burst into his own special rendition of the Happy Birthday song. Akamaru barked along with the tune, Shino, might have uttered, "Hap…day…you…" and Hinata whispered the words, having exerted all her strength already.

"Now that was fun." Said Kiba, looking satisfied as he pet Akamaru on the head. "Let's go play some games!"

He grabbed all his tokens and practically ambushed all the games he was presented with while also telling random people that he was the birthday boy and they all had to let him cut in line.

Meanwhile…

"I'm so glad that Kiba is happy with his party!" Kurenai said proudly as if she had anything to do with it AT ALL.

"Yes, I must agree." Said Asuma as he stroked his beard only to find a little piece of fuzz in it, which he quickly discarded and hoped no one noticed.

"But considering the logo of this fine establishment is 'where a kid can be a kid', do we really belong?" Kakashi questioned.

"Kakashi, we don't need your looking underneath the underneath advice right now." Said Gai. "We're just trying to enjoy the wonderful party!"

"But do we have to wear party hats?" Kakashi sounded very close to whining. "No one else is."

"Kakashi has a point." Asuma said. "Not even Kiba is wearing a party hat. And nowhere in Hinata's list of requirements backed up by three pieces of evidence each does it say that we have to wear party hats!"

Gai picked up Hinata's written novel on the expectations for Kiba's party. He glanced briefly at the table of contents and then thumbed through it absentmindedly.

"Well, if I had it MY way, we'd wear party hats every day of the year!" Gai declared.

"This isn't Burger King, Gai." Kurenai reminded him.

"Oh yeah…" said Gai as if that decided everything.

"What holiday is next, Kakashi?" Asuma asked.

"Let's see…" said Kakashi, referring to his calendar. "While we could just go straight to Sasuke's birthday on the 23rd, we've already decided to throw two holidays in the middle there, right?"

"Right." Said Kurenai. "One was the month celebration that we're saving for the eighteenth."

"And one was that holiday we wanted to celebrate on the 12th." Gai added.

"Oh yes." Said Kakashi, marking the 12th.

Sometime later, all the students were drawn to the virtual reality shooting game that Shikamaru had discovered. Unfortunately, there were only ten seats and eleven of them. So, while everyone assumed that Shino would be like, "No," he seemed to be all over the fun.

Since Sasuke was the last to arrive, he was the eleventh person out but he would have none of that. He looked around for the best person to bully out of their seat, and he eventually gave Chouji the boot, just because he refused to accept Hinata's even though she was like: "PLEASE please please please take mine!"

But Chouji didn't really care because he wanted to watch Shikamaru anyway.

"Guys, this is probably the best birthday party EVER!" Kiba announced as everyone let him win just because they're nice. He got up and threw a party just as an acne infested teen who works at Fun World came sauntering over.

"Excuse me." Said the teen in his crickily crackily voice. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave because we don't allow pets here at Fun World!"

"What!" Kiba yelled as he over reacted WAY too fast. "How dare you! It's our birthday!"

"All of you?" said the teen, looking at the other students.

"No!" said Kiba as he pointed at Akamaru. "Just me and Akamaru!"

"That's just a dog." The teen said.

Kiba gasped more dramatically than even Lee. "Say that again!" he commanded.

"That's just a dog." The teen repeated.

"Why I oughta…" Kiba said as he started rolling up his sleeves, but Shino grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him away from the teen.

"Just ignore him, Kiba." Said Shino. "Clearly his goal is to ruin your fun simply because it's your birthday and he doesn't think it's fair that you're having more fun than him."

Everyone looked questioningly at Shino. They didn't know what to make of that statement. Was he serious? Why would he say something like that? And what did it even mean?

"You're right Shino!" Kiba said. "He's not even worth my time!"

"Yeah so…I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Said the teen. "Whether it's your birthday or not."

EVERYONE was fuming at this point so they all took turns kicking the teen around while he was down. After all, they were ninjas and he wasn't.

"Thanks guys!" said Kiba. "Now that we've beat an innocent employee who was probably only acting on his manager's wishes to a bloody pulp, I can truly enjoy my adventures in Fun World!"

"YEAH!" cheered everyone as they punched the air.

Meanwhile…

Neji was sitting at home with his knitting needles making himself a scarf. He would be ready for the winter months that were coming up… but not really. After all, it's still July. But Neji's kind of weird, so we won't bother him to technicalities.

"The Branch House member goes around the Main House member and then the Main House member falls over and the Branch House member…"

Yeah…Neji's more than just KIND of weird. He is totally off his rocker.


	29. Let It Go Day

Chapter 29- Let It Go Day

Neji finally returned for some good clean holiday fun. Not by choice, mind you. But once he started going on missions again, yet was still claiming he was far too injured to celebrate holidays with the gang, Gai used the old, "If you don't come you shall be a genin forever!" Needless to say, Neji started showing up again.

"And what EXCELLENT timing!" Kurenai exclaimed when she observed the entire Team Gai… INCLUDING NEJI… approaching.

"Yes…" said Asuma, once again stroking his beard. (Come now, if you had such a strokable beard, surely you would stroke it all the time. And, for all you folks with strokable beards, you know what we're talking about.) "I must admit that we came pretty close to designing this entire holiday entirely for Neji!"

"When are you going to tell us what the celebration is?" Naruto asked. "Is it made up like Story Day?"

"We didn't make up Story Day." Said Kakashi. "It was real."

"That's not true." Said Sasuke AS IF HE KNEW.

But then again, it's not like Kakashi responded… so maybe he DID know.

"So we will now tell you what the holiday is!" announced Gai. "It is officially July 12th, which means we must celebrate…" he paused for the dramatic effect. "LET IT GO DAY!"

"That just offends me that you would say you designed this holiday entirely around me then!" said Neji. And he really did sound legitimately offended!

"Well, you have to admit Neji, it really is time for you to just let it go." Said Kurenai as she maneuvered herself in front of Hinata… JUST IN CASE.

"Now we would like you all to think of something that you would like to just 'let go' on Let it Go Day." Said Asuma. "And then we'll all just… let it go."

"Wait." Said Gai quickly. "Let it go as in stop harping on it, not let it all go in a fit of rage."

"Oh yes." Said Asuma. "That is important."

"Should we think of this as somewhat of a New Year's Resolution?" Kiba questioned as he politely raised his hand.

"No, you silly boy." Said Kakashi. "It's not New Year's."

Kiba frowned. "Well duh." He said.

"ANYWAY." Said Gai, clapping his hands. "Let's go around the circle and ask everyone individually what they wish to let go."

"Starting with Shino!" Kurenai announced.

Everyone paused.

"Why Shino?" said Asuma with a raised eyebrow.

"Why not Shino?" said Kurenai.

"Cause he's…Shino." Asuma replied.

"I'm standing right here." Said Shino.

"Okay, Shino." Said Kurenai. "What are you going to let go?"

"I'm thinking a certain ridiculously unrealistic grudge Shino has on one resident of the Sand Village." Kiba said.

Shino thought for a moment. "What?"

"You know." Said Kiba. Shino shook his head, so Kiba sighed. "You know how that guy from the Sand Village backed out of the Chuunin Exam so you never got to show off your skills to the Hokage and therefore you didn't become a chuunin and you like to blame him for your misfortunes and have been actively seeking him out to make his life more miserable?"

Shino looked confused at first, then slowly began to nod. "Ah yes." He said, a slightly look of satisfaction on his face.

"So it's settled!" Kurenai said happily. "Shino will let go of his grudge against Kankuro for backing out of the tournament!"

"No." said Shino.

"What?" said everyone.

"I will never forgive or forget or 'let go' of that." Shino said as a shadow covered half his face.

"…Okay…" said everyone even though it seemed as though Shino had just recently forgotten about the grudge.

"Instead, I will let go of the potential grudge I was going to hold against Asuma for insulting me to my face about one minute ago." Shino decided.

Asuma came pretty close to shouting "WTF!" but he held back at the last minute because he didn't need Shino having a grudge against him. The last thing he wanted was to be attacked by bugs while he was minding his own business for something so silly.

"Okay then, let's move on to Kiba." Said Kurenai since she's the MC of her team. Not MC Hammer, but that would be awesome if Kurenai was MC Hammer. Then again, it would probably just be stupid… yeah… never mind…

"Akamaru and I have mutually and telepathically came to the decision that we're forgiving each other for any inconveniences we have ever imposed our one another!" Kiba announced proudly.

Akamaru barked in what sounded like agreement.

"Akamaru, geez." Said Kiba. "We said ALL."

Bark.

"ALL, Akamaru!" Kiba said, sounding angry. "That was over a year ago! Can't you just let it go? It's Let It Go Day after all! I can't believe you can't even let it go on Let It Go Day!"

"Kiba…stop arguing with your dog…" said Kurenai, trying to calm the young one.

"NO!" said Kiba. "I officially take back that declaration that I'm forgiving Akamaru and now I'm giving him the silent treatment!"

Akamaru barked.

"Oh yeah?" said Kiba. "Well I said it first!"

Akamaru barked in response.

"I AM giving you the silent treatment! I just had to make my point first!"

With that, Kiba crossed his arms and turned away from Akamaru with his nose pointed up in the air.

"Okay…that being said…" said Kurenai, looking uneasily at her male jounin pals who were all being helpfully silent for now. "Hinata? Do you have any secret grudges that you have to let go of?"

"Um…no…not really…" Hinata stuttered.

Neji muttered something that was hardly audible and barely understandable but any idiot could distinctly hear some sort of mention of the Main House. But that idiot would have to be a REAL idiot if he dared say anything about it.

"Are you sure?" Kurenai pressed persistently.

"Pretty sure." Hinata nodded.

"That's it then!" Kurenai said. "Whose team will be next?"

"MINE!" Asuma shouted. "Shikamaru, you're first!"

There was a slight pause.

"Say…where is Shikamaru, actually?" Asuma said as he glanced briefly around.

"Asuma…" said Kakashi, scratching the back of his head. "I thought we went over this already. Did you say that your team was going on their independent mission today?"

Asuma's mouth hung open for a little while. "WHAT?" he said. "So I've been here this whole time like a moron and my team isn't even here?"

"So it would seem." Gai gestured around to reveal that Shikamaru, Ino and Chouji were all not present.

"Well I feel foolish." Asuma said as he figuratively threw his arms up in the air. "I'm outta here. You guys have fun with Let It Go Day."

"You can't leave." Said Kurenai. "Let It Go Day was YOUR idea! You have to stay here and make sure we continue to impose it on our students!"

"That's not true!" said Asuma. "I have no part in this! As a matter of fact, it wasn't my idea! The three of you got together and decided to celebrate it because Gai has Neji with a grudge against the Main House, Kakashi has Sasuke with a grudge against the world and Kurenai has Shino with a grudge against Kankuro."

"Way to just SAY that Asuma." Said Kakashi as he slapped his forehead.

"So you guys DID make it up!" said Lee as if that was all Asuma said that was of consequence.

"No." said Kurenai. "It's a real holiday. We just decided not to skip over it."

"That is outrageous!" said Neji.

"I agree." Sasuke said with an evil eye.

"Whatever." Said Shino since he didn't really care.

"HA!" laughed Naruto. "Take THAT Sasuke!"

"Take what, Naruto?" Sasuke said.

Naruto fumbled. "Uhh—" he began. "Yeah! You take it!"

"Okay…that makes complete sense…" Sasuke said sarcastically.

"So now that the cat's out of the bag, are you remaining two going to let it go in the spirit of Let It Go Day?" Gai said with too much hope.

"No." said Neji. "Now, because of this entire incident, I now despise the Main House even more, if that's even possible, because I know that somehow this torture as well as the accidents that accumulated on my birthday must somehow be their fault leading to a bigger conspiracy against me!"

"Neji, we already explained to you the situation of what happened on your birthday and honestly it had nothing to do with the Main House." Tenten explained as if she had explained it a hundred times before, which I bet she did.

"I'll just answer with a simple no." Shino said.

"Well, then I guess that's that—" began Kurenai.

"WAIT!" said Naruto. "What about me, Sakura, Lee and Tenten?"

"Yeah!" said Sakura who literally hasn't said anything this entire chapter!

The teachers stared at each other and then at the students.

"Well…we don't really feel like standing around here any longer if our efforts to better the community were foiled…" Kakashi started. "But you guys can still let things go in celebration of Let It Go Day."

"Oh." Said the four mentioned ones.

"But turn that frown upside down!" said Asuma. "Great things are coming! On the 18th we will be celebrating National Celebrate Life Month! So everyone come prepared with the one thing you would do before you die and we will all get together and complete the things on the lists!"

"In addition to Celebration of Life Day, we also have Sasuke's birthday." Gai added, pointing at Sasuke. "Kiba, you are to plan it."

"I'm right on it." Said Kiba, sounding surprisingly enthusiastic.

"So just tell us when you're all set with those plans." Kakashi said.

"Will do." Said Kiba.

Akamaru barked something at Kiba, which was clearly shocking because Kiba looked awfully shocked.

"How dare you, Akamaru!" said Kiba. "Akamaru says that he'd be able to plan Sasuke a better birthday than me!"

No one really knew how to react.

"Well, I'll show you!" said Kiba. "I'll show ALL of you! Sasuke, I'm going to plan you the best birthday party ever and I'm sure whatever Akamaru comes up with will definitely be a flop."

"…Um…" Sasuke managed to finally articulate.

"Okay, I think we all have to pray that Kiba makes up with Akamaru and hope for the best!" said Kurenai. "We'll see you all again on the 18th, so don't forget to brainstorm about what the last thing you'd want to do is!"

"Kurenai…what you just said made very little sense." Kakashi pointed out.

"Well, they know what I'm talking about!" Kurenai argued.

The teachers looked questionably at the students as if they had lingered for more than five seconds.

"What's with you guys?" said Gai.

So the students shook their heads at their teachers and then departed, off to figure out what it is they would do with the opportunity to choose ANYTHING to do before they died.


	30. Celebrate Life Month

Chapter 30- Celebrate Life

The teachers were all chillaxing in the middle of a field. Every once and a while, they looked up at the sky, but would shrug and continue their casual waiting. It was the 18th of July and YES OF COURSE it was unbearably hot, but clearly our four teachers had a reason for their seemingly pointless lingering.

Kurenai gave a heavy sigh. Kakashi shifted his weight to his other leg. Asuma lit up a new cigarette. Gai looked upwards and then gasped dramatically, pointing up.

"THERE THEY ARE!" he shrieked.

"YAAAY!" cheered all the teachers as the students, surprisingly enough, descended from the heavens. They didn't do so in an angelic fashion, mind you. They were of course attached to parachutes and had all the appropriate gear for… parachuting?

"THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!" Kiba yelled at the top of his lungs as he came to a landing.

"YEAH!" cheered Lee. "WHAT A RIDE!"

"I think Sasuke has to change his shorts." Said Naruto, pointing at Sasuke who looked mortified out of his mind.

"Yeah right Naruto." Said Sasuke, trying to save face.

"I have to admit, it wasn't that bad." Ino said. "But I never thought we had access to such resources!" Her latter comment was ignored.

"I just can't believe YOU did it, Hinata!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Neither can I…" said Hinata who looked like she was going to pass out at any moment.

"I kind of want to do it again." Tenten said.

"I bet Shikamaru would have enjoyed it too." Commented Chouji.

"Is that all you ever think about?" Neji said as he began to remove his skydiving gear.

"Well, Shino?" said Kiba as he went over and invaded Shino's personal space by putting an arm around his shoulder.

"It wasn't what I expected." Shino replied. "But I am satisfied that I did it."

"Great!" said Kurenai as she whipped out a clipboard and checked off Shino's name on a list right under Shikamaru's name. "So we've fulfilled two wishes already today!"

"Well, we just have to make sure we leave Shikamaru alone ALL DAY or else we can't say we fulfilled his wish." Asuma pointed out.

"Shino, that was so random that you wanted to skydive." Said Naruto.

"Whatever." Said Shino.

"I'm looking at our list here…" said Kakashi. "And it appears as though we can fulfill four wishes by doing only one thing."

"Really?" said everyone curiously.

No sooner had they said that, they all found themselves as a nice fancy restaurant.

"You see…" Kakashi said. "Both Sakura and Ino wished to have a date with Sasuke, Lee had a wish to date Sakura… and Chouji wanted a giant buffet. Plus, we'll all get lunch."

"Hurray!" cheered Chouji, Ino, Sakura and Lee.

"I don't feel like having a date." Sasuke sounded very close to whining.

"You have no choice in the matter." Kakashi said as if he was depressed about it. But you know he wasn't.

"So Lee, Ino, Sakura and Sasuke can go sit over there so they can have their little dates." Said Asuma.

"Wait!" said Sakura. "That's not fair! How can I go on a date with Sasuke in peace if I've got Ino bothering Sasuke and Lee bothering ME?"

"Way to talk about it as if we're not even here!" said Ino.

Lee only sniffled. "Can I change my request?" he asked solemnly.

But Sasuke would not have it. He refused to allow Lee to change his request. Mostly because he just didn't want to end up with Sakura and Ino by himself. It would be a little more tolerable if Lee were there to balance out some testosterone. The four left to sit at a separate table.

"This is kind of pointless." Said Lee, looking depressed as he sat on one side of the table all by himself because Ino and Sakura were both squished on the other side, officially in a competition with one another on who could sit closer to Sasuke. Sasuke, meanwhile, was just sitting there with a less than excited expression on his face.

Chouji, on the other hand, was feeling quite content as he stuffed his face with food. Everyone else just sat around, chewing very slowly while looking like cows, as they stared at him. Even Naruto was amazed with how much and how fast Chouji could eat.

"So uh…whose wish should we fulfill next?" Kurenai said, trying to distract herself from Chouji's activity as she pulled out the list of people.

Suddenly, Chouji choked and burped. "I think I just ate a spoon."

A few people chuckled warmly. A few people stared at him with a shocked or disgusted look on their faces. Then there were the few that wept.

"Let's do mine next." Said Neji.

"Let's see…" said Kurenai as she looked down the list to see Neji's name. Next to it said, 'Find a way to reverse the Branch House curse seal'. She hesitantly cleared her throat. "ACTUALLY…" she began.

Gai leaned over and looked at the list as well. It didn't take him long to catch on the reason for Kurenai's hesitation. "Kurenai was just about to mention that because she is a rabid feminist, she would much rather prefer to do one of the women first!" he announced.

"How dare you!" said Kurenai as she slapped Gai across the face.

"So we'll do Tenten's next." Asuma finished up.

"What's your request, Tenten?" Hinata asked since she was really the only person present at the table who actually cared about Tenten.

"Well, there's been this technique that I've really wanted to learn…" Tenten started with a sigh. "But no one on my team knows it. I was hoping that someone else might now it."

"What technique?" Kakashi asked curiously since he knows ALL the techniques. IN THE WORLD. But not really.

"Jokenronsha no Jutsu." Tenten replied.

There was a significantly noticeable silence.

"Okay…" said the males.

"I have an idea!" said Asuma. "I will stay here and supervise the rest of the Chouji's buffet meal and the completion of the foursome date over there while the rest of you go help Tenten in her quest to master this technique!"

No one could really argue because Asuma had a Hulk moment and managed to push all of them out the door of the restaurant.

So there was Gai, Kurenai, Kakashi, Tenten, Kiba, Naruto, Neji, Hinata and Shino all standing there like fool children.

"So does anyone besides Kurenai know this technique?" Kakashi asked.

"How dare you too!" said Kurenai as she slapped Kakashi. This caused his mask the fly off! OH NO. And just when everyone was going to jump over to see what his face looked like, it turned out that he had a spare one on underneath just in case a situation like this presented itself.

"But you DO know it, don't you?" Kakashi pointed out, completely unfazed by what had happened.

"Of course I do!" Kurenai said, sounding offended.

"Then what's the problem?" Kakashi said.

"Nothing!" Kurenai said. "Tenten, I will teach you this jutsu to the best of my ability so pay attention!"

What followed was a very intense training exercise. But, since the only training we ever see in "Naruto" is either channeling chakra to do silly things like walk on trees, or throwing ninja stars around at trees, we're just going to assume that the training went something like that and, with Kurenai's mad skills at this particular jutsu as well as Tenten's tenacity to learn such a jutsu in which she was practically already as master at such the art, Tenten had it learned and LEARNED GOOD by the time Asuma returned from the restaurant with all them students that stayed behind. (Ye-a run-on sentences)

"So what exactly does that jutsu do, Tenten?" said Neji as they all departed from the training area, following the teachers to wherever they may go.

"Oh well…" Tenten started. "The Jokenronsha doesn't do anything significant or important. It's really just annoying and loud."

"…Okay so what's the point of learning a jutsu like that?" Neji said with a raised eyebrow.

"That is so like a man to say something like that." Said Tenten, looking all unnecessarily exasperated because, let's face it, Neji's question was totally justified.

"Attention all!" said Gai as he clapped his hands. "At this point, we will now fulfill Sasuke's dying wish! But, since he's not dying, we're going to fulfill just his plain old wish that has nothing to do with his approaching death!"

"What sort of lame thing did you want to do before you died?" Naruto said, crossing his arms.

Sasuke only glared at Naruto.

"All right Sasuke." Said Kakashi. "Approach the bicycle."

Sure enough, Kakashi had brought a bicycle. Actually, Kurenai probably brought it but Kakashi was going to take the credit for it.

"We are now going to all work together to teach Sasuke how to ride a bike!" declared Asuma.

The women "aww"ed because it was precious. The men wanted to laugh, but they didn't because…well… because he's Sasuke. Let's get serious here, man. All the men who DON'T fear Sasuke wouldn't laugh because they just don't sway that way.

"Do you have a helmet, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked.

"No." Sasuke answered.

"Well, Gai brought a backup just in case." Kakashi said, gesturing towards Gai.

Gai pulled a diaper out from behind his back.

Sasuke went squinty and evil as everyone chuckled under their breath with the exception of Shino who was probably like, "Yes."

"How would a diaper protect me from injuries if I fell off the bike?" Sasuke demanded. Then he sorted out his priorities. "I'm not wearing a diaper on my head!"

"Fine, fine, we were just kidding anyway." Said Gai, rolling his eyes as if Sasuke was being unreasonable. He then presented Sasuke with a REAL helmet.

"If you had that helmet the whole time then why didn't you bring it with you on Safety Day?" Neji said.

"I didn't have it BACK THEN." Said Gai. "Geez, that was all the way back in June."

"What are you complaining about anyway?" said Shino to Neji. "It's not like you wore the diaper on your head."

"Yeah but Shino, you LIKED it." Said Kiba.

"No." said Shino.

"Okay, time to teach Sasuke how to ride this silly bike." Said Kurenai as everyone turned around to see Sasuke sitting on the bike looking all wobbly as Gai held onto it so he wouldn't fall over.

"We're going to start moving and when I count to three, I'm going to let go."

Sasuke nodded, and they started moving. When Gai counted to three, he let go just like he said. Everyone eagerly waited for Sasuke to topple over into a heap on the ground but no such thing happened, so they were disappointed. With the exception of the girls of course, since they were all cheering.

"Great job Sasuke!" said Asuma as Sasuke came to a stop, got off the bike and patted himself on the back.

"Yeah, now let's try it WITHOUT the training wheels!" Gai exclaimed.

They all looked down to see that the bike had training wheels.

"You didn't tell me it had training wheels!" said Sasuke angrily.

"What, you didn't expect to get it perfect like that on your first try, did you?" said Kakashi.

"Of course." Said Sasuke. "I'm SASUKE."

"Well, you can continue with this on your OWN time!" said Naruto. "Let's move onto my wish!"

"Let's do mine now." Said Neji persistently.

"Naruto asked first!" Gai declared.

"I asked a long time ago." Neji reminded them.

"Come Naruto, we will help fulfill your wish!" said all the teachers, pretending as though they couldn't hear Neji.

"My wish is to fight Sasuke!" said Naruto. "AND WIN!"

"Pft." Said Sasuke. "That's so lame."

"It is NOT, Sasuke!" said Naruto, coming very close to foaming at the mouth.

"Can we do this fast?" Kiba asked. "I don't want to run out of daylight because we still have to do MY wish."

"Just let him win, Sasuke." Said Kakashi.

"What?" said Sasuke as if nothing could offend him more. "Never!"

"You have to!" said Kurenai.

"No." said Sasuke. "First I had to jump out of a plane, then I went on a date with Sakura and Ino and that was painful enough. Then Gai tried to make me wear a diaper on my head. Then you all put training wheels on my bike without telling me so that I'd think I'd accomplished something. There's no way I'm going to fight Naruto and then lose to him on purpose."

The teachers exchanged glances and then all jumped Sasuke. They held him down as Naruto kicked him around maliciously until everyone decided that enough was enough and Naruto was officially the winner.

Then 15-year-old Sakura came back in time and healed Sasuke so he was at perfect health. She was able to travel back in time because she created a jutsu that allowed her to do so. With her job done, she was going to head back to her own time but then about a thousand and a half jounin ninjas appeared and were just about to decimate Konoha but, thankfully, 15-year-old Sakura hadn't left yet. With her help, they easily defeated the ninjas. As a matter of fact, she did it all by herself and even made a really moving speech that made all the survivors switch over to the side of good.

"Fare well, Older Sakura!" said everyone as they waved their hankies. "We cannot wait until three years from now so we can meet you!"

Sakura then departed only after feeding the homeless, visiting old people and bringing peace to the world. She even invented the wheel while she was at it.

Anyway, it was time to finish the list.

"Kiba will be next!" said Asuma before Neji could even say anything.

"Yahoo!" Kiba cheered.

"And let's see what he has as his request…" Kurenai said as she checked the famous list. She paused for a moment. "Seriously, Kiba?"

"Yeah." Said Kiba.

"WHAT IS IT?" everyone said eagerly.

"I need help standing up to my mom and my sister." Kiba said.

"What?" they all responded AS AN ODOR.

"Really!" said Kiba. "You have no idea what it's like to have to live with two crazy women like them! They're always pushing me around because I'm the youngest and I'm MALE so I want you all to come to my house as support and help me stand up to them!"

"That's dumb." Said Naruto.

"No it's not!" said Kiba, throwing a temper tantrum.

No one liked to see anyone throw a temper tantrum, so they agreed to help.

They crept up to Kiba's house as if they were robbers. Even Kiba looked like he wasn't sure if he belonged there. Finally, he opened the door a tiny bit and poked his head in.

"Mom?" he called. "Hana? Are you home?"

"We're in the living room, Kiba!" came Kiba's mom's voice.

Kiba waved the party in the house and they all shuffled in the other room where Kiba's mom and sister were sitting.

"Hi mom." Said Kiba.

Kiba's mom and sister looked up to see the throng of people. "Kiba, what have I said about asking to have friends over?"

"I know, I'm supposed to ask…" Kiba said, but he received a collective elbow jab from the entire group. "I mean… uh…"

"Don't stutter, it makes you sound like you're stupid." Hana warned.

Kiba frowned and lowered his head, already defeated.

So Shino thwacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" he said, rubbing the back of his head and looking at Shino who was standing there as if he hadn't done anything. Then Kiba took a deep breath and faced his mom again. "Mom, I want to talk to you about something!"

"In front of all your friends?" Kiba's mom said questioningly.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "It's nothing embarrassing! I just want—"

"Wait, hang on." Said Kiba's mom as she stood up. "KUROMARU! WHAT TIME IS IT?"

There was a loud bark from the other room.

"Oh dear…" said Kiba's mom with a heavy sigh. "I'm late. I'm so late. Kiba, can we talk about this later?"

"Sure…" Kiba said, but he received more thwacks from his mob. "Uh… no! It has to be now!"

"Sorry, it'll have to be later." Said Kiba's mom with a shrug. "Kuromaru, let's go!"

With that, Kiba's mom dashed out of the house at the speed of light.

Kiba stood there for a little bit with his head hung low as if he had just broken the law.

"Kiba, you suck." Said Naruto.

"Shut up, Naruto!" said Kiba.

"You're more whipped than Shikamaru!" laughed Chouji.

"That IS all you think of." Said Neji with a glare. It was probably starting to bother him.

"So, how long do you and your friends plan on staying?" Hana asked.

"Um—we were just leaving!" Kiba said as he turned around and shoved everyone towards the door.

"Don't say 'um'!" called Hana. "You'll never get a girlfriend if you say 'um' all the time!"

"I should have known that would be a bad idea!" Kiba whined as he slammed the door shut.

"Well, now that that's done with—" began one of the teachers, but it's not like it matter which one it was, so it can be your FAVORITE one.

"Wait!" said Kiba. "We didn't fulfill my wish!"

The unspecified teacher checked his or her watch and then sighed. "We don't have time…"

"Fine." Said Kiba. "I wish I had chosen something else. Now you all just think I'm a pussy."

Akamaru barked.

"I am NOT a pussy!" Kiba yelled as if they was something that was okay to just shriek across the land.

After promptly silencing Kiba, it was decided that Neji would be next.

"Here you go, Neji!" said Gai as he handed Neji a balloon.

Neji took the balloon in a confused fashion. "What's this for?" he asked.

"I hope you had a great day!" said Gai.

"Why did you give me a balloon?" said Neji.

"Because we could tell that you wanted one." Kurenai said.

"I don't want one." Said Neji.

"SURE you do!" said Asuma. "EVERYONE loves balloons!"

"I hope you guys don't think this is a substitute for finding a way to reverse the Branch House curse seals." Said Neji. "This is a balloon. This is not anything productive."

"Balloons make people happy, and if you're happy then the curse seal won't bother you as much." Said Kakashi. "Problem solved."

"The problem is not solved." Neji said as the sound of a teakettle went off in the background.

"And the only person left is Hinata!" said Kurenai as she turned around but found that Hinata was nowhere in sight. "Where'd Hinata go?"

"She ran off in a frightened fashion once Neji started going psycho." Kiba said.

"Oh." Said Kurenai.

The teachers, once again, looked at each other.

"I guess we're done then." Asuma shrugged.

"We're not done." Said Neji. "You didn't even TRY to help me! All you gave me was this balloon!"

"Balloons rule, Neji." Said Lee.

"Shut up, Lee." Said Neji, looking dumbfounded that Lee would even say that.

"Well fine." Said Lee as if him informing Neji that balloons ruled made him a big hero and Neji was being a jerk for telling him to shut up.

"You know you want the balloon because you're not letting go of it." Kakashi said.

"Did you look underneath the underneath for that one?" Kurenai asked.

"You know it." Said Kakashi.

"I swear…" Neji began. "If I had any rational thought right now then I would think of a very creative comment to say in response to that or perhaps even an intelligent course of action. Instead, I'm just going to storm off in an irrational but completely justified way!"

With that, Neji was gone.

"Oh Neji!" said everyone.

"I don't know…that doesn't have the same ring to it as when we do it with Shino…" Gai said as he rubbed his chin. "Shino, do something silly so we can say 'Oh Shino'!"

Shino stood there like a tree. "I'm Shino." He said finally once he realized that everyone was staring at him.

Then they all started chuckling. "OH SHINO!" they all exclaimed.


	31. Sasuke's Crack Birthday

Chapter 31- Sasuke's Crack Birthday

Akamaru and Kiba both planned Sasuke separate birthday parties because they were still fighting. But, a day before his birthday (the 26th) they both made up and decided to COMBINE their parties into one big SUPER birthday! After all, Kiba's stuck on that Super Day stuff.

Unfortunately, that all came with complications. Kiba planned a roller-skating and arcade party while Akamaru planned another one of those pool parties.

"So I FIGURED…" Kiba said as he got all of the students and teachers to help him drag a giant hose towards the roller-skating place.

"Wait, stop." Said Kakashi. "Don't tell me you planned on filling up the roller-skating rink with water."

Kiba stopped moving for a moment. "Yeah." He said. "Great idea, huh?"

"Kiba…" said everyone in an exasperated tone.

"Just forget about the pool party thing!" said Ino.

"But that part was Akamaru's idea and it wouldn't be fair if we just completely got rid of his idea!" Kiba argued.

"I'm sure Akamaru sees the logic to our reasoning, and the illogic to yours." Said Kurenai in the tenderest way possible as she pat Kiba on the shoulder.

"How about we have a pool party themed roller-skating party?" Naruto suggested. "We could all wear our bathing suits and Sasuke could bring his swimmies and we can wear floatation devices while we're skating!"

"Naruto, that is probably the stupidest—" Sakura started.

"Great idea!" said Kiba as Akamaru barked in agreement. "That'll be great!"

Everyone else slapped their foreheads.

The next day, Sasuke received a phone call to bring his bathing suit and various other pool essentials to the roller-skating place, which will henceforth be known as Roller Kingdom.

Even though Sasuke thought it was strange that they were meeting at Roller Kingdom only to go someplace else were they could go swimming, he shrugged and took all his swim gear to the appropriate meeting place.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SASUKE!" cheered all his acquaintances as he came strolling up. They were all wearing their bathing suits and had towels wrapped around them and had a cake that looked like it had waves on it and blue balloons like the water!

"Whatever." Said Sasuke even though he was totally in love with having a birthday party.

"Hurry and change into your bathing suit so we can start the party!" said Kiba.

"Um…okay…" said Sasuke, figuring that maybe they were meeting here so he could change in one of the bathrooms. But when he entered, he found that the entire place was empty and was covered in streamers that exclaimed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and the like.

So, as Sasuke went towards the bathroom to change, he nodded his head with satisfaction, thinking that Kiba went to extreme measures to go and decorate the meeting place.

After he emerged from the bathroom clad in his Uchiha bathing suit, he looked around at all the other students his age as they were tying their roller blades or roller skates, depending on their level of coolness.

"Um…" he began.

He didn't think he had taken THAT long so that everyone would have to bide their time to this extent.

"Guys, I'm ready." He said, kind of annoyed that everyone was just getting their roller attributes on instead of whisking him away to the beach or a pool.

"No you're not." Said Kiba, gesturing towards the roller blades that were thus far untouched.

So Sasuke just stood there looking befuddled for a second, waiting for someone to explain some things to him.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" screamed Gai as he jumped forth and gave Sasuke a present. Sasuke opened it and we can all assume what it was without actually having to put it down on paper.

"Wow, thanks Gai." Said Sasuke, still awaiting an explanation.

But that is when the females who cared about him barraged him with gifts. Obviously they had been competing over who could get Sasuke more gifts.

"All right, all right…" said Sasuke, placing all of his well earned presents behind him. "Shouldn't we save all this stuff for when the party actually starts?"

"What do you think THIS is, Sasuke?" said Kiba, doing a grand and exaggerated gesture around Roller Kingdom.

"Um…the meeting place?"

Everyone laughed in Sasuke's face but then stopped because it wasn't really all THAT funny. Then the situation was quickly explained to him about the rivalry between Akamaru and Kiba and, after a moment of fuming and anger that he was being misled so, Sasuke decided it wasn't really a big enough issue to angry about on his birthday.

So he decided to let it go (a little late for Let It Go Day, wouldn't you say?) and just try to enjoy his beach themed roller-skating party.

"So, Sasuke, you know how to roller-skate, right?" said Naruto.

Before Sasuke could bitch slap Naruto for his ignorance that he, Sasuke, can do EVERYTHING, Lee suddenly jumped up after finishing tying his skates.

"I'M FINISHED FIRST!" he screamed. And just to humor him, Tenten didn't mention that she had finished before him. "I shall meet you out on the skating arena!"

With that, Lee dove out onto the skating floor and slid across it on his stomach sprawled out like a ginger bread man.

Everyone stared at him, rolled their eyes and then shook their heads. Yes. All at the SAME TIME.

"What were we currently competing about?" Sasuke said, turning to Naruto.

"You were just about to admit that you've never skated before." Naruto reminded him.

"NARUTO!" screamed Ino and Sakura. "IT'S SASUKE'S BIRTHDAY! CAN'T YOU EVER JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE?"

Naruto shrunk into a person half his size out of fear of Ino and Sakura's wrath. So he decided to go and join Lee on the skating arena just so he wouldn't be harassed anymore.

Eventually, all the students made their way out onto the arena.

"Kiba…I find it hard to believe that you booked a roller-skating party and you didn't even know how to skate." Said Shino as he stood NOT on the arena and NOT with skates on. Yeah… he was pretty much just like, "No," when it came time to put on skates.

Kiba stepped on the floor and would have fallen over and smashed his head and probably would have died if not for the fact that Hinata happened to be standing right there and she lunged forth to steady him.

"Thanks Hinata." Said Kiba, standing up straight and regaining his balance. "And Shino! Don't distract me from the task at hand!"

"So anyway Sasuke…" said Sakura as she skated beside Sasuke who, contrary to popular belief, could skate just fine. "I wanted to pick out the perfect present for you on your birthday!"

"Oh really?" said Sasuke in that, "I haven't heard THAT one a thousand times before!" tone.

"Hey SAKURA!" yelled Naruto. "Pay attention to ME!"

"And then I realized…" she went on, ignoring Naruto. "The best gift of all is the kind that can't be put in a box and wrapped up! It's the gift… of love!"

Sakura skated faster and stopped right in front of Sasuke, causing him to stop as well.

"Kiss me, Sasuke!" she said, closing her eyes and puckering up.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and seized the opportunity to skate away while Sakura's eyes were closed. Naruto also seized his own opportunity, but didn't do too well on the seizing because he ended up falling on his face once Sakura realized that Sasuke was wandering off.

Ino, meanwhile was struggling in the corner with her teammates.

"Curse you, Sakura!" she shouted. "Shikamaru, I told you the gift of love was a better idea than getting Sasuke a stupid ten pound candy bar!"

"I thought you were asking what Chouji would want." Shikamaru admitted. "I threw that out there so you would stop bothering me. I didn't think you'd take me literally and ACTUALLY get him a ten pound candy bar."

"Shikamaru!" said Ino angrily. "You KNOW that when purposely exploit your IQ and ask for an idea I always listen to you!"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and looked at Chouji.

Chouji shrugged. "I know _I _would have wanted a ten pound candy bar." He said.

Ino gave a heavy sigh. "Well, since we're here and Sasuke's not paying attention to me OR my bathing suit, you two might as well teach me how to skate." She said as if that made any sense.

"I have an idea." Said Shikamaru. "We could NOT do that. Now wouldn't that be fun?"

"Shut up, Shikamaru!" said Ino.

Chouji only chuckled warmly as Tenten and Lee skated by. Tenten was skating just fine and Lee looked like he was a crazy lunatic on fire except without the fire.

"I feel so free when I'm on skates!" Lee exclaimed.

"Free?" Tenten repeated skeptically.

"Yes, free!" said Lee. "I feel as free as towels in a hotel bathroom!"

Tenten mulled that over. "Say…where's Neji?" she said randomly.

"Didn't you hear him when he said he couldn't skate?" Lee said.

"Neji admitted he couldn't do something?" Tenten gasped.

"Yeah." Said Lee. "He said something about skating being something trivial that only women would bother themselves with…"

"Oh." Said Tenten, looking defeated.

Eventually, the teachers took it upon themselves to rev up the music so the students would be entertained with their stay at Roller Kingdom. After many rousing games of Four Corners and various other games, as well as dancing the Chicken Dance more than it was healthy, everyone exited the skating arena to eat some cake and open presents.

"Happy BIRTHday dear Saaaasukkkkkkeee…." Sang everyone. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Make a wish and blow out the candles!" Kiba urged since there's ALWAYS that crazy person who feels like they HAVE to say that even though everyone knows that they have to make a wish and blow out the candles.

Sasuke made his generic, uncreative wish and hoped that someday he would gain enough power to kill Itachi and avenge his clan and become an AWESOME ninja. The cake kind of short-circuited because that was actually more than one wish so it's doubtful any of them will come true. POOR SASUKE.

"Now let's open some presents!" said Gai as he gave Sasuke the green spandex AGAIN.

"I already opened this gift, Gai." Said Sasuke with a glare.

"Yes, but you didn't marvel at it for long enough!" said Gai as he burst into tears of joy.

"Whatever." Said Sasuke as he looked around for the next readily available present for him to open. He was drawn to the giant squarish package and, upon opening it, he was pleasantly surprised to see a giant ten pound bar of chocolate.

He PROBABLY would have exclaimed, "GEE WHIZ!" if he hadn't caught himself at the last second.

"Do you like it, Sasuke?" said Ino hopefully.

"It's whatever." Sasuke said, trying to keep his cool. Ino frowned and threw a glare at Shikamaru who only shrugged flamboyantly. "What else?"

"Well, I just re-gifted the birthday spar I got you last year." Said Naruto.

"Enough with the birthday spars." Said Sasuke, sounding angry. "The last thing I want is a birthday spar, let alone a RE-GIFTED birthday spar."

"Why can't you just appreciate the birthday spars I've worked so hard to give you?" demanded Naruto.

"HEAR YE, HEAR YE!" shouted Asuma as he grabbed a giant gong and rang it loudly while standing right behind Sasuke, which almost caused the poor birthday boy to soil his pants.

"Geez…" said Sasuke. He might have said something naughtier, but it's not something we're about to write down!

"Just so you all know…" Asuma began after he finished making his presence known in a very out of character fashion. "August is right around the corner!"

"Which means…" Kurenai went on. "A new month theme!"

"HURRAY!" cheered Gai.

"And, with his wonderful storytelling voice, Kakashi will explain to you the theme of August and the upcoming holidays." Said Kurenai.

Kakashi cleared his throat.

"August is Purposeful Parenting Month." Kakashi explained. "We will celebrate that month theme at the end of the month so you needn't worry about it till then."

"Well, I'm glad to report that there are no holidays and no birthdays in August." Shikamaru said. "So that means we only have to celebrate purposeful parenting, whatever that may be."

"Au contraire, Shikamaru." Said Asuma. "Friday the 13th is in August."

"And, because there's no holidays in August as you have just said, we're also celebrating the Full Moon this August." Gai said.

"In addition to that, two random and obscure holidays!" Kurenai finished.

"So even though August might have seemed like it would be the least painful month, it's actually the MOST painful because we're just going to celebrate holidays that aren't even real?" Neji concluded.

"Uh…right." Said Kakashi.

"And Sasuke…" said Gai. "September 15th is Kakashi's birthday. It is YOUR job to plan it!"

"No problem." Sasuke said.

"Sasuke, look underneath the underneath to figure out that I don't want a birthday party." Kakashi whispered.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"SO LET'S CUT THIS CAKE!" shouted Gai as he whipped out that exact same large knife. He probably carries it around everywhere he goes. Actually, that wouldn't be too far fetched considering he's a ninja.

So everyone enjoyed the cake and the beach themed roller-skating party. And Sasuke enjoyed his ten pound bar of chocolate. But seriously…who wouldn't? I'm sure even NEJI would like it. Then again, Neji probably doesn't like chocolate.

"I don't." said Neji, crossing his arms.

Well, that's Neji for you.


	32. Forgiveness Day

Chapter 32- Forgiveness Day

It was August 6th today, and everyone wasn't really all THAT excited to find out what the surprise holiday was. They assumed it was something stupid like Story Day.

"But it's NOT!" said Asuma. "It is another one of Kurenai's terrible ideas to help save Hinata's life from the ever-wrathful Neji!"

"Don't just SAY that, Asuma!" yelled Kurenai.

"I hate holidays that are like that." Said Neji.

"Well, now that the cat's out of the back, we might as well explain it." Gai sighed.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Bag," he said.

"What?" said Gai.

"I believe the phrase is 'the cat's out of the _bag_'." Kakashi said.

"DUH." Said Gai. "Isn't that what I said?"

"No." said Kakashi. "You said 'the cat's out of the _back_'."

"WHAT?" demanded Gai. "I did no such thing!"

"He did." Said Kakashi. "Didn't he?"

"Yeah…" said everyone else.

"LIES!" screamed Gai.

"I have an idea!" said Asuma. "In light of the recent holiday, let's just forgive and forget!"

"That's right!" said Kurenai. "Because, after all, today is Forgiveness Day!"

"They're right." Said Gai. "I forgive you, Kakashi."

"For what?" said Kakashi. "Correcting your stupidity?"

"WHAT?" said Gai, sounding enraged, but then he took some hoot breaths. "Okay, I forgive you for that too."

"For—" Kakashi started but Asuma stifled him with his following comment.

"It might SEEM like Let It Go Day… BUT IT'S NOT." He said.

"Yeah!" said Kurenai. "It's COMPLETELY different."

Everyone paused.

"How?" said Shikamaru finally.

"Uh…" the teachers stuttered.

"It's OBVIOUS, really." Said Lee, pointing his finger up in the air. "On Let It Go Day, all you did was just let it go. On Forgiveness Day, you go up to the person and formally tell the person that you forgive them for whatever heinous act they have committed against you!"

"Yeah!" said Asuma. "What he said! As you can see, there is a DISTINCT difference between the two!"

"Oh Lee!" cried Gai. "You are wise beyond your years, but you still hold on to your youthful glow!"

"Yeah so anyway…" said Kakashi, eyeing the two as they started to hug in front of the non-existent sunset. "Let's get to the forgiving stuff so we can all move on with our lives."

No one moved.

"Shikamaru, I forgive you for coming up with that horrible idea to give Sasuke the ten pound bar of chocolate for his birthday." Ino said finally.

"Thank God." Said Shikamaru with perhaps a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Sasuke looked mildly interested at first, but then he remembered he was pretending he didn't care about the awesome chocolate so he couldn't inquire any further about it.

"This is good!" said Kurenai. "Let's continue the healing process!"

"Neji, I forgive you for crushing all of Hinata's internal organs." Kiba said.

"What?" said Neji, looking offended as if he hadn't done that even though he had.

Hinata hid behind a tree.

"Kiba, I forgive you for being so annoying." Said Shino.

"Ha!" said Kiba. "Shino, I forgive you for being so annoying too."

Shino was silent to that comment.

"I'M annoying, Kiba?" Shino said finally.

"You got that right." Kiba nodded.

"Whatever." Said Shino, figuring that hey, Kiba's just freakin' annoying and there's nothing I can do to change it.

"Anyone else?" Kakashi offered.

Sakura stepped forward next. "Ino, I forgive you for breaking off our friendship just so you could fruitlessly chase after Sasuke." She said.

Ino gasped dramatically. "Did you just say that _I _broke off our friendship?" she said in an appalled tone.

"Well you did." Said Sakura.

"If you remember correctly, Sakura, YOU broke off our friendship!" Ino reminded her.

Sakura looked like she was going to protest. Then she stopped and chuckled slightly to herself. "Oh yeah." She said. "I guess that WAS me. Okay then, never mind."

"Okay good." Said Ino, afraid for a moment there that she was going crazy.

"Ino, I forgive you for the time—" Shikamaru started but then he abruptly cut himself off. "Wait. No. That is a bad idea. I wonder why I didn't think about that before I said it."

"Were you going to say that you forgave me for the time I put make-up on you while you were sleeping?" Ino said.

Shikamaru frowned. "Yeah." He said, figuring it was pointless to deny it now that the cat was out of the back.

Everyone enjoyed a good laugh at Shikamaru's expense before continuing.

"Neji, I forgive you for all the times you shot me down when I said I wanted to be a great ninja without ninjutsu or genjutsu!" Lee announced.

"Wow, Lee." Said Neji. "That's a hefty choice."

"You bet it is!" Lee said passionately.

"And Neji, I forgive you for all the times you shot me down when I said I wanted to be a great female ninja!" Tenten agreed.

Neji considered these.

"Well, in that case, I guess I have to forgive you both for something…" Neji said as he started pondering and then snapped his fingers. "I forgive you for pushing me off a cliff on my birthday."

"THAT WAS ALL TENTEN!" Lee yelled, pointing at Tenten.

"No it wasn't!" Tenten argued.

"Whatever, I don't care." Said Neji. "I already said I forgave you so it doesn't matter anymore."

"Oh good." They both sighed with relief.

"We're certainly getting a lot out there in the open." Said Kurenai, looking content with how the holiday was going.

Akamaru suddenly barked up at Kiba.

"Aw, thanks Akamaru." Said Kiba. "Well, then I forgive you for every mean thing you've said to ME too!"

"Sasuke, I forgive you for not thanking me for all those times I saved your life!" Naruto said.

"All those times?" Sasuke said.

"Yeah!" said Naruto. "You know! When we go on missions and you do stupid stuff and then I save your life?"

"Uh…right…" said Sasuke slowly.

"Sasuke, I forgive you for forgetting to make me a Valentine!" Sakura said.

"I forgive you for annoying me so much." Sasuke said. "But that forgiveness does not apply to future annoying things you will inevitably do."

"Oh…" said Sakura, lowering her head in a dejected fashion.

Then there was silence.

Gai cleared his throat loudly and elbowed Neji in the back so noticeably and intensely that Neji almost fell over.

"What was—?" Neji began as he looked at Gai who was giving him the evil eye.

"It's time for you to forgive someone very special!" said Gai.

Neji looked confused at first. "Oh." He said, nodding. "Gai, I forgive you for pushing me off a cliff on my birthday too."

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!" yelled Gai.

"If you're talking about arbitrarily forgiving Hinata for antagonizing me then that is so not going to happen." Neji said flatly.

"Antagonizing you?" said everyone, sounding shocked.

"It's all right…" Hinata said quietly. "I don't mind…"

"You know what, Neji?" said Kiba with a nod. "I have come to a very important conclusion!"

"And what's that?" Neji said.

"You are a dick." Kiba continued to nod as if that sort of comment shouldn't offend someone, especially someone like NEJI who gets offended by everything.

Neji was sort of just like, "Unk?"

He actually didn't know how to react.

"Kiba, you win!" said Gai. "You have stupefied Neji!"

"Yay!" cheered Kiba.

"Why is the world against me?" Neji said.

"Because you're just not a nice person." Tenten said.

"Oh." Said Neji. "Well, I forgive you all for everything that has been said thus far because I don't feel like holding a grudge."

"Okay." Said everyone, sounding somewhat relieved.

"So…has everyone forgiven at least one thing?" said Kurenai, looking around. "Let's see…Chouji! Did you forgive anyone?"

"Not yet." Said Chouji. "No one really did anything to me. But I guess I can forgive the general population for not letting me play ninja with them when I was a little kid."

"That's good enough!" said Gai. "Great job getting into the holiday this time around, students!"

"The next holiday is Friday the 13th." Said Kakashi. "Meet here or seven years bad luck."

"GOTCHA!" cheered everyone as they departed.


	33. Friday the 13th

Chapter 33- Friday the 13th

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Kankuro. He lived in the Sand Village with his younger brother; Gaara, and his older sister; Temari, and the three of them lived in harmony… for the most part. Well no, they weren't really in a harmonious situation at all. I wouldn't say they fought a lot because Gaara always got the best of Temari and Kankuro while Temari always got the best of Kankuro.

So who did Kankuro get the best of?

NO ONE.

But that's irrelevant so let's move on.

Kankuro was chillin' in his room one day when Temari suddenly walked in.

"Hey!" she said. "Did you know it was Friday the 13th?"

"No." said Kankuro.

"Well, this might seem a little coincidental…" Temari started. "But I was walking down the street and this mysterious old man gave me this extremely suspicious looking mirror and he warned me not to break it or we will surely have bad luck for seven years."

Temari held up the aforementioned object.

"So why did you take it from him?" Kankuro raised an eyebrow.

Temari paused for a moment.

"In retrospect, I'm thinking I probably shouldn't have taken it from him." She nodded.

"No, you really shouldn't have." Kankuro said.

Then Temari laughed. "But you actually believe in that stuff?"

"No!" said Kankuro. "Of course not! But you shouldn't be taking suspicious looking things from weird old guys anyway!"

"Who are you?" said Temari. "My mom?"

"I'm just saying…" Kankuro said.

"Cut it out before I beat you up and take your lunch money." Said Temari as he put the mirror down on Kankuro's desk only to have it slip off the edge, plummet to the ground and explode into a million tiny pieces.

Temari and Kankuro both leapt to their feet as green light and smoke splurged out of the mirror and enveloped them in a splendiferous glow. They both screamed like little girls until the smoke and light eventually cleared and they stood there, completely unharmed.

Or so it seemed.

"Holy…" Kankuro started once he opened his eyes and got a look at Temari.

"Oh no—" Temari started as well.

And again they both screamed like girls.

Which made Gaara ANGRY.

He stomped up the stairs as loudly as he could to add to the intimidation until he finally came to Kankuro's doorway where his two siblings were still screaming. They weren't cowering at his presence, so he knew something was definitely the matter, so he slammed his fist in the doorway.

They promptly stopped their screaming.

"Stop screaming." He ordered.

"Gaara!" said Temari. "Look what happened to us!"

Gaara didn't move at first. "What?" he said finally, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"Can't you tell?" Kankuro said. "Kankuro and I have switched bodies!"

"Uh…huh." Said Gaara.

"It's true!" said Temari. "It's me… Kankuro! And Temari's in MY body!"

Gaara was once again quiet. He looked at the shattered mirror and then at the calendar to see that it was Friday the 13th. Being the sharp tot he is, he quickly pieced everything together.

"Okay." He said, willing to buy into the whole thing because there's no reason why Kankuro and Temari would ever lie to him. "Explain."

"Temari took this mirror from this weird guy…" Temari started.

"That wasn't smart."

"I know, I know!" Kankuro whined.

"And the old man said that if it broke then it would be seven years bad luck!" Temari went on. But then she gasped. "Does that mean that I'm stuck as YOU for seven years?"

Kankuro looked like he was going to say something, but instead he just put his hand to his forehead and passed out with a slight, "Oohhh!"

Temari stared at Kankuro and then back at Gaara.

"We have to figure out a way to reverse this!" she said.

Gaara thought. "As amusing as this is, I can only imagine it entertaining me for so long." He started. "Besides, it will grow awkward. So let's try to undo the effects of the mirror."

"Um…okay…" Temari said, unsure how to respond.

When Kankuro woke up, the three of them made their way to their local library to do some research.

"Wow, I'm really good at this!" Kankuro said. "I found a book all about weird cursed mirrors that emit smoke and light on Friday the 13th and switch people's bodies around!"

"That wasn't so hard." Said Temari as Kankuro opened up the book.

"Okay, it says…" Kankuro began. "Blah, blah, blah… we know all this. Okay, THE CURE!"

They all read.

"Either wait seven years or come to a mutual understanding of each other's differences." Gaara read finally.

"There's got to be an easier way!" said Temari as Kankuro fainted again. "What if we walked under a ladder thirteen times? Or crossed paths with a bunch of black cats? Or what if we broke another mirror?"

"Let's find that old guy again!" Kankuro said, regaining consciousness in record-breaking speed.

"Yeah!" said Temari. "Why didn't we think of that sooner?"

They all sprinted to where Kankuro had earlier described he had met the old man. But I guess it was actually Temari.

Sure enough, there was a bizarre creepy man who was holding a variety of different lucky or unlucky things.

"YOU!" Temari yelled, grabbing the old man's shirt collar and shaking him around slightly.

"Hey!" said the old man.

"Wait." Said Gaara, pushing Temari away. He then stood in between his siblings and the old man. "My siblings have switched bodies because of your cursed mirror. Fix them."

"Um…" said the old man slowly. "I don't know what you're talking about…"

"YES YOU DO, LIAR!" screeched Kankuro, which sounded and looked awfully ridiculous.

"Okay, okay!" said the old man. "I did it because I happened to know about the poor relationship that goes on within your household and I was hoping to better it by switching your bodies and forcing you to come to a mutual understanding of each other! It would have worked better if you had all been in the room at the same time…"

"Well change us back!" commanded Temari as if he hadn't just said anything that was of consequence.

"And besides, how do you know ANYTHING about the situation in our house?" demanded Kankuro. "How do you know that you wouldn't completely disrupt the equilibrium of the entire Sand Village had Gaara happened to be in the same room at the time in which I dropped the mirror?"

The old man shrugged. "Would I have?"

"YES!" they all yelled, except for Gaara who just stood there.

"Well, then let's all be thankful that he wasn't in the room at the time." Said the old man as if that solved everything.

"I can't help but notice that you're completely ignoring my justified demands of changing us back to normal." Said Temari.

"Ah yes." Said the old man. "That. Well, there really is no other way of changing back unless you come to a mutual understanding of—"

"We heard that already." Said Gaara. "And we are unsatisfied. Tell us another way to do it."

"Uh…" said the old man, tugging at his collar nervously. "You could try… wishing on a star?"

"Not good enough." Said Gaara threateningly.

"I know!" said the old man as he pulled a giant box out from behind his back and opened it up to reveal numerous mirrors on the inside. "Just smash another mirror so you'll switch back!"

"Brilliant!" exclaimed the Sand Siblings. Minus Gaara. He just stood there. Looking cool.

"All right!" said Temari as she picked up a mirror and raised it up to smash it.

"Wait!" said Kankuro, but it was too late. Temari had already smashed the mirror and, once again, smoke and lights came out and eventually cleared.

"Kankuro, you idiot." Said Gaara to Temari. "You didn't take into account that there were two extra people here!"

"Don't blame me!" said Temari. "I'm the old man!"

"Yeah, if you're going to insult me, do it to my face!" said the old man.

"Great." Said Kankuro. "Now I'm in Kankuro's body."

"All right, let's just smash another one and hope we all get put back to normal." Said Temari as she pulled out another mirror and smashed it.

Smoke, lights and clearing later…

"Nope." Said Kankuro. "I'm the old man without a name."

"And I'm Temari." Said the old man.

"I'm Gaara." Said Temari.

"Obviously I'm Kankuro." Said Gaara.

"Let's try again!" said the old man as he smashed another mirror.

And then…

"I'm in the right body!" cheered Kankuro.

"But I'm still in the wrong one!" complained Temari.

"Yeah, me too." Said Gaara.

"This is getting annoying…" said the old man with VENGENCE in his eyes.

"Okay, I'm going to go and run away so you guys can finish this." Said Kankuro as away as fast as he could.

"We better change back to normal in the next one or heads will role." The old man threatened. Temari and Gaara looked at each other nervously, and then Gaara smashed another mirror.

Everyone looked around once all was said and done.

"Okay…we're all in the correct bodies, right?" said Temari.

"Yes." Said Gaara with a glare.

The old man nodded.

"Okay, let's get out of here then." Temari said as she and Gaara left.

And then she came back and bitch slapped the old man for good measure.

"All right…maybe I deserved that…"


	34. The Full Moon

Chapter 34- The Full Moon

After a night of scary stories while camping in the woods, the men decided to hit the hay. Yes, just the men. Kurenai had earlier decided that the girls didn't have to go and who as going to try to argue with Kurenai? So Iruka was recruited to take her place and he, Asuma, Kakashi and Gai took all the men up into the wild for a rugged camping experience.

Naturally, because of the full moon, scary stories ensued before departing to their various tents that were split up according to whose team they were all on. If you don't understand what I just stated then think about it for a few minutes and you'll figure it out.

Neji had just finished cleaning up and was now going off to his tent that he was, most unfortunately, sharing with Lee. As he opened the flap to the tent he found that Lee was already sprawled out across both sleeping bags, drooling considerably on… HIS! NEJI'S! HOW DARE HE.

Even though Neji could have easily given Lee the boot, there's something about hitting a sleeping person that was just so far below even Neji that that thought didn't even cross his mind.

So he only gave a heavy and quite exasperated sigh and turned around, making his way back to the fire where he found Naruto sitting with a pout on his face.

"What's with you?" said Neji.

"I REFUSE to sleep in the same vicinity as Sasuke!" Naruto announced.

"You guys would never guess it, but Shino snores!" said Kiba as he crawled out from the tent, followed soon by Akamaru.

"He does?" said Naruto. "I would think he slept like a log!"

"A log?" Kiba said, looking confused. "I was thinking more like a tree…"

There was a pause as the three of them sat there awkwardly. It would be totally cool if it were just Kiba and Naruto, but Neji was there and that's NEVER cool because he's so scary…

Then there was a rustling in the bushes.

"Oh no!" said Kiba, running over to Naruto and Neji and jumping into their arms so he formed some sort of connection bridge between the two. "What if it's Sasquatch? Like in the story!"

"Give me a break." said Neji with a sigh that rivaled his earlier one as he dropped Kiba on his face.

Naruto stood there, still holding Kiba's legs as he took a step forward towards the bush.

"Naw, it's just Chouji…" he said as Chouji emerged.

"Hey guys!" said Chouji.

"What were you doing sitting in a bush rustling it around?" Neji questioned.

"Um…stuff?" Chouji shrugged.

"Will you let go?" Kiba requested of Naruto.

Just then, Shikamaru poked his head out of the tent. "Could you guys be quiet?" he demanded. "Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Shikamaru, stop being so—" Naruto started but he was promptly hushed by Kiba who pointed at another rustling bush.

"It's probably just—" Neji started, but then he stopped and looked around. "Wait… everyone's here…"

"Sasuke, Shino and Lee are in their tents!" Chouji pointed out.

Shikamaru stood up and walked over to the troubled genin. "I bet it's just a trick of the wind." He concluded.

"There's no wind." Said Kiba eerily.

Then they heard a loud STOMP! It was such a mighty stomp that the ground shook and everyone nearly fell over.

"What was that?" said Naruto frantically.

"Oh cut it out." Said Neji. "Are you a ninja or what? Go and check it out."

"Why don't YOU go and check it out?" Naruto challenged.

"Because you're the one who's so scared." Neji reminded him.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say YOU'RE scared too!" said Kiba.

"I'm not." Said Neji with a glare.

"Let's just ALL check it out!" Chouji suggested. "And Shikamaru can lead us!"

"Why am I being dragged into this?" Shikamaru said as he stopped on his way back to the tent.

"Because we need your chuunin strategies!" Kiba begged.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "If you guys promise to go to bed after we check it out then fine." He said.

The others cheered, except for Neji who was like, "WTF?" So, as one large group, the five of them crept over to the bush that had since stopped its rustling. They pushed the branches aside to see two gigantic footprints, and then a trail of footprints behind them leading off deeper into the forest.

"It IS Sasquatch!" Kiba exclaimed as he spun around and got all in Neji's face. "And you laughed at me!"

"There's an explanation for this." Neji said. He paused, and then turned to Shikamaru. "Right?"

"Um…" Shikamaru scratched his head.

"Shikamaru, are you stumped?" Chouji gasped, sounding almost betrayed.

Shikamaru cleared his throat. "Of course not." he said. "We just have to follow these footprints and see where they lead."

"Shouldn't we wake up our teachers for protection?" Naruto asked.

"No way!" said Kiba. "Because if this ends up being a cruel joke that Shino is playing on us then we'll look extra silly for pulling our teachers into it!"

"A cruel joke that Shino played on us?" Neji repeated.

"Yeah." Said Kiba. "Shino has a WEIRD sense of humor."

"All right, so let's follow this trail." Said Shikamaru. "Kiba, you go first. Then I'll go next, followed by Naruto, then Chouji and then Neji."

"What's with that order?" questioned Naruto.

"Just trust me, okay?" Shikamaru said. "I'm a chuunin, remember?"

Shikamaru certainly had a point so they all got into that formation and followed Kiba religiously as he relied on Akamaru to follow the scent of the crazy person who was rustling the bushes even though it would have been equally as easy to just follow the footprints in the ground.

"This was stupid…" Neji said, wondering why he went along with it. "There's no one here."

He probably wasn't even finished saying the aforementioned statement when a large figure with a giant mask on jumped out of the bushes.

"OOGITY BOOGITY BOO!" screamed the crazy man as he jumped around and waved his arms in large circles.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the three who are likely to scream like that.

"IT'S SASQUATCH!" hollered Kiba as he grabbed Akamaru and squeezed the life out of him.

"But his feet aren't big enough to be the ones we found in the bushes!" Shikamaru pointed out. "Look over there!" He then pointed at the trail of footprints that continued into the forest.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" yelled the man. "If you wish to pass to face my master then you must defeat me!"

"I'LL take care of him!" said Chouji as he pushed everyone aside.

"Chouji—" Shikamaru started.

"I'm serious!" said Chouji. "I can do it!"

Neji, Naruto, Kiba and Shikamaru looked at each other and shrugged.

"Good luck, Chouji!" said Kiba as the four of them ran off.

"Is it okay to leave Chouji behind like that?" asked Naruto. "We don't know who that weird guy is."

"Yeah well… we had to get by." Shikamaru reminded them.

"What's our plan of action once we find this leader?" Neji asked.

"You mean Sasquatch?" Kiba corrected.

"No." said Neji. "I refuse to say that word so don't try to impose it on me."

"What word?" Kiba said.

"You know." Said Neji. "That name for the creature you have."

"Sasquatch?" Kiba said.

"Yes." Said Neji.

"Oh." Said Kiba.

That's when they all came to a stop because Shikamaru summoned for it.

"All right, let's reevaluate what we're doing." Said Shikamaru. "We are following a random set of footprints deep into a forest with absolutely no motivation for doing so at all. And Chouji is off fighting some jungle man that jumped out of a bush and attacked us."

"Yeah." Said Naruto. "That sounds pretty much like what's happening."

"Okay…" said Shikamaru. "Just checking."

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" came an angry sounding voice as another figure descended from the trees. "I demand a sacrifice! One of you must fight me or else the rest cannot proceed!"

"Neji, I vote YOU!" said Kiba.

"What?" said Neji. "Why me?"

"Because you're a dick!" Kiba said.

"He's right, you know." Naruto nodded.

"Yeah so catch you later, Neji!" said Kiba as he grabbed Shikamaru and Naruto and ran off as fast as he could.

"Guys, I don't know if that was the best course of action." Shikamaru said, looking back cautiously.

"Don't tell me you're SCARED, Shikamaru!" gasped Naruto.

"I'm not." Said Shikamaru. "I'm just a little…hesitant."

"And well you should be!" came another evil sounding voice as a figure jumped out from behind a tree.

But it was quickly followed by another figure. "This is where you all stop!"

The three gasped and ducked their heads as the two figures used their super death moves on them.

"That was a close one!" said Kiba, putting out a singed hair on his head.

"HEY!" said Naruto as he pointed off in the distance at a silhouette of a person that was thundering off deeper into the woods. "That's definitely Sasquatch!"

"He's all mine!" Kiba exclaimed as he went to chase after Sasquatch but one of the figures jumped on top of him. The other figure jumped on the one that was closest to him at the time which just so happened to be Shikamaru, and then Naruto seized his opportunity and took off running as fast as he could towards Sasquatch.

"I will remember your sacrifices!" said Naruto, clenching his fist dramatically as he briefly looked back at Kiba and Shikamaru fending off their attackers.

Then he focused on getting to that person. And, as he got closer and closer, he realized that it couldn't possibly be Sasquatch because this figure was small and even CHILD sized!

But that wasn't going to stop Naruto! He leapt upon the person and knocked him to the ground.

"I've got you!" Naruto said as he sat up and pointed a ninja star at the person. Of course, once he looked down, he realized that this person happened to be Sasuke.

"Naruto." Said Sasuke in the sternest and finalest tone ever.

"Sasuke?" Naruto said. "What are you doing this deep in the woods?"

"Deep in the woods?" Sasuke repeated as he knocked the ninja star out of Naruto's hand and stood up. "Camp is right there!"

He pointed off to the right and Naruto looked over to see the campfire and the various tents.

"Okay…" said Naruto. "What are you doing walking around suspiciously at nighttime?"

"I was using the bathroom." Sasuke glared.

"Oh." Said Naruto. "Well…I feel silly."

"With good reason!" said a mysterious voice as Naruto felt an arm on his shoulder. He looked up to see one of the masked men and, just because he went all out kamikaze on him, the man removed his giant mask to reveal that he was IRUKA!

"IRUKA?" demanded Naruto in an enraged tone.

"Haha!" laughed Iruka. "That was a fun training exercise."

"Training exercise?" Naruto repeated.

"Yeah." Said Iruka. "Me and the guys were feeling kind of bored so we decided to freak you guys out and train you at the same time."

"So that guy Chouji was fighting…"

"Asuma."

"And the guy Neji was fighting…?"

"Gai."

"And the two guys that jumped Kiba and Shikamaru?"

"Me and Kakashi!"

Naruto paused a moment. "And what's with Sasuke?" he said finally.

"I'm just going to the bathroom!" Sasuke said angrily. "I had nothing to do with this stupid exercise!"

"Yeah so…" Iruka went on. "I think it's time you guys all went back to sleep."

"Iruka, that wasn't fun at all!" said Naruto. "How dare you do that!"

Iruka could only chuckle warmly at his expense as everyone trekked back to the tent. (Sasuke finished up his business first of course.)

Kiba crawled into his tent, yawned flamboyantly and then lied down to see that Shino was staring at him.

"Whoa Shino." Said Kiba. "What's up?"

"We should speak freely every once and a while." Said Shino. "What kind of mission were you just on?"

"It was just a training exercise." Kiba answered.

"Tell me about it."

"It wasn't that interesting."

"No. Tell me."

Kiba sat up. "Shino, you're weird."

"No."


	35. Friend Appreciation Day

Chapter 35- Friend Appreciation Day

"Guess what today is!" Gai cheered happily as he stood before his students.

"You mean…aside from August 20th?" Neji said.

"Yes." Said Gai. "Aside from that."

Lee's eyes suddenly lit up. "Is it another holiday?" he said eagerly.

"That it is, my student!" Gai exclaimed as he pointed at Lee.

"What holiday is it?" Tenten asked. "And where's everyone else?"

"Well…" Gai began as he looked slightly sad. "When I made the announcement that today was a specific holiday, the other three sort of backed out at the last minute. But you know me!"

"Of course we do." Sighed Neji. "You couldn't possibly pass up on opportunity to gallivant about celebrating a random made up holiday that probably doesn't exist outside your own mind."

"EXACTLY!" Gai agreed. "So even though the rest will not celebrate with us, we are going to honor the holiday ANYWAY!"

"And what holiday is it?" Tenten repeated.

"FRIEND APPRECIATION DAY!" Gai said, doing the nice guy pose.

"Oh come on." Said Neji as Lee marveled at the potential of celebration. "We're pretty much the only team that isn't friends with each other."

"That's not true!" gasped Gai. "We're all BEST FRIENDS!" He sprinted over to his team and was just about to envelope them in a warm embrace of love but Neji and Tenten both dove out of the way for dear life as Lee jumped forth to accept the hug to the fullest extent.

"Oh geez." Said Tenten. "While you two appreciate each other as friends, I'm going to go do something else."

"I'll have to agree with Tenten for once." Neji said.

"Don't even think about it!" Gai said as he grew ten sizes and pointed dramatically down at his less enthusiastic students. "We are celebration Friend Appreciation Day and you two shall be joining us, not running off and… and… making babies, or whatever it is you two do when Lee and I are training!"

"We're TRAINING!" Tenten shrieked, as Neji stood there, unable to react intelligently to Gai's previous statement.

"Sure, sure." Said Gai. "That's what they ALL say!"

"I am leaving." Neji said finally after working up his strength to report his feelings.

"Not without appreciating friends!" said Gai.

"Neji doesn't have any friends." Lee whispered to Gai in a very matter-of-fact tone.

"He's actually right, Neji." Tenten said. "Aside from your Super Team adventure, you don't have any positive interactions with anyone whatsoever."

"So?" said Neji with a raised eyebrow.

"I've got it!" said Gai. "Instead of celebration Friend Appreciation Day, let's alter the holiday slightly."

"How so?" Lee questioned.

"We will now officially be celebrating…GET NEJI A FRIEND DAY!" Gai screamed as a wave crashed behind him.

"It will be our most difficult A-Rank mission yet!" Lee agreed as he and Gai joined hands and danced around in circles.

"I REFUSE to be social and make friends." Neji said defiantly.

"You have no choice in the matter because if you don't then—"

"You'll never enter me in the chuunin exam and I will be forced to be a genin and stay on your team _forever_?" Neji finished up for Gai.

Gai paused a moment. "Um…" he said.

"You're so predictable, Gai." Said Neji.

"Well, putting that aside, what do you say?" Gai said cheerily.

"I guess I really _don't _have a choice in the matter." Neji decided. "Besides, how bad could this be? It's only a day."

"Why did you say that, Neji?" said Tenten. "Now it's going to be REALLY bad."

"You're right." Said Neji. "For the second time in your life."

"Well, I know one thing for sure." Said Tenten as she childishly crossed her arms and pouted. "I'M definitely not going to be your friend."

"Good." Said Neji. "I wouldn't want a female friend anyway."

So the team started their search for a friend for Neji. The first place they went was to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table since it's been too long since that restaurant has made an appearance. Instead of going inside the awesome restaurant, however, they just poked their heads in the window and watched Shikamaru and Chouji chillax with each other.

"It sure has been a while since we ordered our food." Said Chouji, twiddling his thumbs.

"Yeah…" said Shikamaru as he looked away from his cloud observing.

"What do you want to do after we eat?" Chouji asked.

"I dunno." Shikamaru shrugged. "Do you want to play a game of shougi or something?"

"Sure!" said Chouji happily.

Meanwhile, Gai looked at his students. "You see?" said Gai. "For these fellows, Friend Appreciation Day is every day of the year!"

"But we're not celebrating Friend Appreciation Day." Said Lee. "We're celebrating Get Neji a Friend Day."

"That's not a real holiday." Said Neji as if it wasn't obvious.

"Yes." Said Gai. "My theory is that since these two are already great friends, they'll be willing to accept Neji into their posse!"

"Or…" Tenten led. "They might be such good friends that they reject him in the cruelest manner since they don't want anyone coming between them."

"Oh come on." Said Lee. "It's not like they have a relationship beyond friendship or anything. You're treating them like they have a relationship beyond friendship."

"I don't want to be friends with them anyway." Said Neji.

"Be silent, Neji!" said Gai. "This is not Neji Decides Who He Wants to be His Friend Day!"

"But a friendship would feel artificial and forced if you forced me to make an artificial friendship with someone I didn't want to be friends with." Neji said.

"Um…" said Gai. "Point taken. Let's go find someone else."

The team departed from the realm of awesomeness and traveled into the woods were they stumbled across Shino. He didn't notice them (or at least they THOUGHT he didn't notice them) because they jumped into a bush just in time.

"Okay." Said Gai. "How about Shino?"

"Shino?" said Neji skeptically. "I hardly know Shino."

"All the more reason to become friends with him!" said Lee.

"No." said Neji. "Shino's weird."

"And you're not?" Tenten said.

"Tenten, you're starting to really irritate me." Neji warned, and Tenten obediently took that as her hint to cool it on the sarcastic remarks.

"So Shino's a no-go?" Gai said sadly. "But think about it! Shino doesn't have any friends just like you!"

"SHINO!" came a voice from another bush as Kiba jumped out.

Shino turned around. "Kiba, were you hiding in that bush?" he said.

"No." said Kiba. "I was running because I was so excited to see you, pal, but then I tripped and landed in the bush."

"Oh." Said Shino. "That's stranger."

"No it isn't." said Kiba. "I'm in another fight with Akamaru. Can we be best friends again?"

Shino made a sound similar to a groan, but not quite.

"Fine." Said Shino and the two of them walked off into the sunset but not really.

"So scratch Kiba too." Said Gai.

"I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with Kiba anyway." Said Neji. "And not any of the girls, not Naruto and definitely not—"

"How about Sasuke?" Lee interrupted.

"No." said Neji.

"But you two have so much in common!" said Lee. "You're both the number one rookies from your years and…and… uh…"

"And you both have no friends!" Tenten added.

"I am so tired of this holiday." Neji said. "No amount of threats on my potential chuuninhood is worth this."

Then he reevaluated.

"Wait, I take that back." He corrected himself.

"FAITH!" Gai suddenly shouted as he struck a pose of despair. "It has become apparent to me that you are simply just not made to have friends who actually like you and hang around with you because of your personality!"

"Took you long enough." Said Neji.

"So, I will officially take it upon myself to make you MY best friend!" Gai declared.

"Wait—"

"And, since I'm best friends with Lee, that makes you best friends with him as well!" Gai went on. "And since Lee loves EVERYONE, you can live vicariously through me living vicariously through Lee which means you love EVERYONE AS WELL! Which means, of course, that everyone is your best friend as long as you believe in yourself!"

"We did it!" said Lee. "Not only did we find Neji a friend, but we found him MANY friends!"

"You two are so annoying that I can't even articulate my frustration." Neji said.

"YAY!" cheered Lee and Gai as they ran over to Neji and gave him such an enthusiastic hug that it probably would have squeezed the life out of him had Tenten not vocalized that she was feeling depressed that she was left out of the circle of friendship, not matter how unrealistic that sounds, so she was promptly admitted into the Team Gai friendship cult in which they are friends with EVERYONE and love EVERYONE, which eventually led to one giant and extremely long and tight group hug, even though Neji would have wanted almost anything else at that particular point in time.

Once again, run-ons RULE.

Whence the hug was complete, Gai stood up and straightened his vest as Neji tried to get his back in alignment. "As previously stated, this month is Purposeful Parenting Month." Gai said.

"What is Purposeful Parenting?" Neji questioned. "I hope this isn't another holiday that focuses entirely on me and a select others who are orphans."

"It's not!" said Gai. "It's a team based holiday. So I am thrilled that we have all become best friends in preparation for the holiday."

"A competitive holiday?" Tenten said.

"Not competitive." Said Gai. "Team based!"

"Meaning it's competitive." Neji said.

"No." said Gai. "TEAM BASED!"

"Let's all go out as a best friend team!" said Lee randomly.

"I can't." said Neji. "I have to go… clean stuff."

With that, he ran off faster than Lee without his weights on.

"Well, I guess it's just the three of us until Neji is finished cleaning stuff!" said Gai as he grabbed his remaining two students under each arm as they ran off to complete a task as a happy team.


	36. Purposeful Parenting

Chapter 36- Purposeful Parenting

"In this hat, there are many papers, each with the numbers zero through three written on them at random." Kakashi explained as he shook a hat around and stood in front of all the students. "Each student will pick a paper out of the hat to determine how many children you will have."

"CHILDREN?" everyone repeated with the utmost of skeptism. (Just so you know, that is NOT a real word.)

"Not REAL children." Said Gai as if Kakashi hadn't said that the students were going to have children. "Kurenai? Asuma?"

Kurenai and Asuma each whipped out a carton of eggs from behind their backs.

"Eggs!" cheered Asuma.

"You have to take care of the eggs as if they were your children." Kurenai explained. "This will help reinforce you for your future experience with children and taking care of them."

"We're only twelve!" said Shikamaru as if he was legitimately offended that the teachers were making them do this.

"On the contrary," said Gai. "Some of you are older."

"I'M not." Said Shikamaru.

"But some of you are." Said Gai.

"But I'm not." Shikamaru repeated.

"All right… this is a circular conversation." Said Asuma as he came in between the two of them. "Shikamaru, I would expect such a thing from Gai, but certainly not with YOUR high IQ!"

"Leave my IQ out of this." Said Shikamaru.

"Geez, Shikamaru, what's your problem?" said Naruto.

"Um…" Ino said quietly. "I put make-up on him while he was sleeping last night."

"AGAIN?" said Asuma. "How many times do I have to tell you to not do that?"

"Shikamaru, you just have to learn to not sleep in the same vicinity as Ino anymore." Chouji advised.

"Wait," said Tenten. "Gai, didn't you say that this was a team based holiday?"

"Way to change the subject, Tenten." Said Neji.

"Shut up!" said Tenten.

"Well, I DID say that." Said Gai, rubbing his chin. He turned his compadres. "Didn't we agree that this would be a team based holiday?"

"Oh yeah." Said Kurenai. "Well, you must take care of your children together as a team! As if it was some kind of nursery or something."

"So let's get to this baby process." Said Kakashi as he practically tossed the hat at Naruto. "And hurry up."

Naruto reached his hand in and pulled out a paper. When he unfolded it, he revealed that '1M' was written on the paper.

"1M?" Naruto read. "What's the M mean?"

"Well," said Gai, looking over Naruto's shoulder. "The one means you have one child, and the M means that it is male." He reached over and picked up an egg from one of the cartons. "So you should think of a name for him now."

"So we're naming the eggs too?" Naruto groaned.

"YES!" said the teachers.

"Um…hm…how about Pansuke?" Naruto suggested.

"Why would you name your child that?" questioned Sakura.

"I wouldn't." said Naruto. "This is an egg, not my child. So it doesn't matter."

"I don't know if I will tolerate your child being named a no-no word!" Kurenai announced.

"Kurenai, you did NOT just use the term 'no-no word'." Asuma said.

Kurenai thought for a moment and then gasped. "I DID!" she wailed.

"Come on, come on, let's get this going." Kakashi said, moving on to Sakura.

Sakura reached her hand in. "I hope I get at least one girl!" she said excitedly as she pulled out a paper to reveal she had picked a '1F'. "That means one child and it's female, right?"

"Right." Said the teachers ALL IN UNISON.

"Yay!" cheered Sakura as Kurenai handed her one egg. "I'll name her Kajitsu, because that's a flower just like Sakura!"

"Well, actually Sakura, it's not a flower." Said Ino. "It's a berry."

"Whatever." Said Sakura because she didn't want to look like she cared.

"And once Sasuke picks his then your team will be complete with their children." Kakashi said, imposing the hat on Sasuke as well.

"Don't be annoying and pick a high number, Sasuke." Said Naruto as if Sasuke had any control over it whatsoever.

Sasuke reached in and picked out a paper. He gave a heavy sigh as he read it to himself, and then was coaxed to read it out load. "3MMF."

"So Sasuke has two males and a female!" interperated Gai.

"SASUKE!" said Naruto angrily. "What did I JUST say?"

"I wasn't really listening, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"And what will you be naming your children?" Kurenai asked curiously.

"Well, my first born male will be named Sasuke." Sasuke answered. "Beyond that, I don't really care."

"You should name your second child Senjou, so he can grow up being almost as troubled and unstable as you are." Said Naruto, obviously trying to annoy Sasuke.

Sasuke was above being annoyed, so he agreed. "Fine." He said, and Naruto shook his fist at him. "And the girl will be…uh…"

"You should name her Hana." Said Kiba.

"Why?" said Sasuke.

"Because that's my sister's name." Kiba answered as if it was common knowledge.

"Oh." Said Sasuke. "Um…fine."

"Wonderful!" said Kurenai as she took the hat from Kakashi and turned to Kiba. "Since you're so good at picking names, how about you pick next?"

"I'm not good at picking names." Said Kiba. "That's just my sister's name."

"Whatever, just pick a paper!" said Kurenai.

Kiba shrugged and took a paper. "1F." he read.

"What will you name her, Kiba?" Hinata asked.

"Well, not Hana." Said Kiba as he went into deep thought. "Well, I guess she'll just be Kiba Jr."

"Kiba." Said Naruto. "It's a daughter. You can't name a girl Kiba."

"Why not?" said Kiba, looking offended.

"Because that's YOUR name!" said Naruto. "Unless you're telling us that Kiba is ACTUALLY a girl's name, then you just can't do that!"

"FINE!" said Kiba, sounding overly offended. (Everyone else was wondering why Naruto actually cared.) "Then I'll just name her Akamaru Jr.!"

"You can't name a girl Akamaru either!" Naruto said, ready to throw a temper tantrum.

"This is coming from the guy who named his son Pansuke?" Sakura pointed out.

"That's different." Said Naruto, crossing his arms.

"Fine." Said Kiba. "Hinata, what do you think I should name my daughter?"

"Um…" Hinata said nervously.

"How about… Tashoku?" Kiba said finally.

"That's random." Said Shino.

"Yeah, well, Shino." Said Kiba.

Everyone waited a bit for him to continue, but he seemed as though he was done with his statement with just that, so Kurenai decided to move on to the next member of her team. Hinata!

Hinata picked a paper out and got slightly depressed when there was no number on the paper at all.

"That's okay." Said Kurenai, patting Hinata on the shoulder.

"Yeah!" said Kiba. "We can share MY daughter!"

"Thanks Kiba…" Hinata said hesitantly.

"Last but certainly not least, SHINO!" said Kurenai.

Shino reached into the hat and pulled out a paper. He stood there like a tree staring at his paper until Kiba took it from him to read it out load. "3FFF."

"Three girls!" Hinata said cheerfully.

"No." said Shino.

"And their names?" Kurenai asked.

Shino paused for a moment. Maybe two. "Moujo, Jijo and Sanjo."

"Shino…" said everyone, but then they decided to just laugh about it and exclaim, instead, "OH SHINO!"

"Next up is my team!" Gai cheered, turning to his team that was just standing there in a helpfully silent fashion the whole time except for that one outburst by Neji and Tenten.

"ME FIRST!" Lee shouted as he leapt forth and pulled out a paper. "1M! I have one male child! And I shall name him after me! LEE!"

"What a wonderful idea, Lee!" said Gai.

"Had I two children, I would have certainly named one after you, Gai." Said Lee, looking overly dramatic.

"That would have been the greatest of honors!" said Gai.

"Won't you be my son's godfather?" Lee asked as he held his egg so tightly that it might have burst if he had held it just a little bit longer.

Gai gasped. "WOULD I?" he said excitedly.

In the meanwhile, Tenten and Neji each drew a paper from the hat, revealing that they had also gotten papers with '1M' written on them.

"Lame." Said Tenten. "Our whole team got one male child!"

"Don't turn this into a feminism thing, Tenten." Neji warned.

"Won't one of you name one of our children after our teacher and mentor, Maito Gai?" Lee said.

Neji had that look that was like, "No way, bi-otch." And Tenten had that look that was like, "Well…um…er…"

So Lee decided to abandon asking Neji for any favors and try his best to get Tenten to do it for him. Eventually, Tenten gave in and named her egg Gai.

"I AM SO HAPPY!" Gai screamed.

"Neji, what will you name your child?" Asuma asked as he took the hat, all ready to give children to HIS team.

"Hichou." Neji answered as if he had been thinking about it previously.

"WHAT A SURPRISE!" screamed everyone…IN THEIR MINDS.

"Finally, for the best team in the universe…" Asuma started.

"But my team already picked their papers!" said Gai, looking legitimately confused. Then he realized that Asuma had been referring to his OWN team, and so he got embarrassed and hid behind Lee.

"Like I was SAYING…" Asuma said, throwing a glare back at Gai and then facing his students. "It's time for you all to pick your eggs. Shikamaru? Would you like to go first?"

"Fine…" said Shikamaru. "Just to get this over with faster…"

He took the paper out of the hat.

"1M." he said. "Well, at least it wasn't three children."

"What are you going to name him, Shikamaru?" Ino asked.

"Um." Said Shikamaru.

"Never mind." Said Ino. "You're too lazy to think up a name. How about Shikataro? Cute, isn't it?"

"You're acting like you thought about this before." Shikamaru eyed Ino suspiciously.

"No I didn't!" Ino said as if she was mad at Shikamaru for accusing her.

"Chouji?" said Asuma.

Chouji picked out a paper and opened it. His face fell when he discovered only a zero upon his paper.

"Aww…" he said sadly. "I kinda wanted to have one or two…"

"That's all right Chouji." Said Shikamaru as he held out his egg for Chouji to take. "You can have Shikataro if you want."

"I'm not going to kidnap your son, Shikamaru!" gasped Chouji as he drew away from 'Shikataro' like it was the plague.

"And last of all, we have Ino!" said Asuma.

Ino stepped forth and picked a paper. She opened it up and gasped dramatically as if these papers even meant anything. "3MMM!" she exclaimed. No, she didn't say Mmmm as if she had tasted something really delicious. She said 'M' three times.

"It appears as though Ino has come across three sons." Said Asuma as if it were a tragedy.

"I thought we were going to get off easy with just having my son." Said Shikamaru with a sigh.

"Shut up, Shikamaru!" said Ino. "Keep up with THAT attitude and I won't name one of my sons after you!"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"That's more like it." Said Ino as if Shikamaru had apologized or something. "My first son will be Inoshi, after my father. And then my other two sons will be Shikamaru and Chouji, but I'll call them Shika and Cho for short."

"Now…you DEFINITELY thought about that previously." Shikamaru said.

"I did NOT, and don't say that again!" Ino threatened.

"OKAY!" said Gai, waving his arms to get everyone's attention. "Now that you all have children, you may all depart and take care of them! Tomorrow, we will—"

"Tomorrow?" Kiba interrupted. "You mean we have to take care of these things for a whole day?"

"Kiba, they're just eggs." Shino reminded him.

"They're not JUST EGGS!" Kurenai said. "They're your children!"

"This is also a team bonding exercise." Said Kakashi. "So we will be checking in periodically to make sure you're taking good care of your children."

"I'm going to put my egg up for adoption." Said Neji.

"No!" said Gai. "Give your egg the love and support that YOU have always longed for, Neji!"

"Gai, don't bring my personal life into—" Neji started but everyone quickly ran away as fast as they could so they wouldn't have to listen to one of Neji's rants on the Main House or fate.

Only Lee and Tenten remained.

"See, Neji?" said Lee. "THIS is why you don't have any friends."

Neji thought it over for a little while. "So it IS the Main House's fault." He finally concluded.

Tenten and Lee both slapped their foreheads.

88888888888888888888

And, just so you know, here's what the kids names mean.

Pansuke- Um…go look it up in a Japanese-English dictionary.

Kajitsu- a type of berry.

Senjou- Fan.

Tashoku- many colors (or) one who generally eats a lot

Moujo- first daughter

Jijo- second daughter

Sanjo- third daughter

Hichou- flying bird

Shikataro- the beginning of Shikamaru's name with a generic ending that most boy's names have (much like 'maru')

Inoshi- well, that's the name we decided Ino's father should be named a long time ago before he got an actual name so…blah.


	37. Purposeful Parenting Part 2

Chapter 37- Purposeful Parenting Part 2

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto were all sitting at the local park with their eggs lying in the sand. None of them were saying anything, they were just staring at the eggs as if expecting them to actually do something.

"I can't believe we're at a park with a bunch of eggs." Sasuke said finally.

"They're not eggs." Sakura said calmly. "They're our children."

"Sakura, please don't say that again." Sasuke practically threatened.

"Kakashi might be in the bushes watching our every move!" Sakura argued. "If he sees us not taking care of our eggs like they were our children then he'll um… well, he never really threatened us with anything, but who knows what he'll do? Probably a brutal training thing…"

"I can handle anything Kakashi dishes out!" Naruto said ambitiously.

"Let's just take our eggs and hang out with them a little bit on the play ground." Sakura said as she picked up Kajitsu the egg.

"That's easy for you to say." Said Sasuke. "I have three eggs to take care of. You two each only have one."

"If you're going to use THAT as your excuse then fine." Said Naruto as he scooped up lil Pansuke.

"My children are happy enough just building a sand castle right there in front of me." Sasuke evaluated.

"Well, Kajitsu is going to play on the swings." Said Sakura as she went over to the swings.

"Hey, hey!" said Naruto as he chased after Sakura. "Pansuke wants to play on the swings too! He told me he wanted to!"

Sakura balanced Kajitsu on the seat of the swings. After steadying it perfectly, she stepped back and looked the situation over. It only took her a few seconds to realize that this probably wasn't going to work.

"Pansuke LOVES the swings!" Naruto announced as he plopped down his son with little care. As he stepped away, Pansuke rolled off the seat and landed in the sand with a PLOP!

"It doesn't look like he loves the swings." Sakura said as Naruto rushed to Pansuke's aid.

"Are you all right, Pansuke?" Naruto asked.

"You know, it's kind of hard to pretend when these things don't have faces." Sakura sighed.

Then she accumulated a package of markers and the two of them went over to where Sasuke was still sitting with his eggs in front of him. When she reported that she would be drawing a face on her little Kajitsu, and Naruto agreed as well, Sasuke seemed mildly interested to join.

"My daughter has blond hair and blue eyes!" Sakura announced as she searched for the yellow marker.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "Just like me!"

"No, not just like you!" Sakura snapped.

"Well, then I'm going to make my son have pink hair and green eyes." Naruto decided.

"A pink haired child named Pansuke?" Sasuke said, sounding almost disgusted.

"YES!" said Naruto as he grabbed the pink marker.

"All your children have the Sharingan, I see." Sakura observed.

"Of course." Said Sasuke. "They're my children."

On the back of each of his eggs, Sasuke also drew an Uchiha fan.

Meanwhile, Kiba, Hinata and Shino were having similar issues with their eggs. They couldn't take their eggs seriously if they didn't have faces so they all crashed at Kiba's house to get some markers. They went to Kiba's house because Kiba and Shino didn't want to deal with Hinata's father, and Shino's father turned them away at the door with a simple, "No."

"Okay…" said Kiba as he picked up one of Shino's eggs. "They all have to have sunglasses like you."

"And curly brown hair!" Hinata agreed.

Shino just sat there and accepted the torture as Hinata and Kiba took it upon themselves to decorate his daughters so they had a more Shino-ish look. That is, if Shino turned into an egg and was covered in smudged makers. Yeah, all Kiba had was the washable kind. BUT THAT'S OKAY!

"What about the daughter in which I am sharing with you?" Kiba asked Hinata.

Earlier, he had made the grave mistake of saying, "Our daughter" which immediately was followed by extreme awkwardness as he desperately tried to explain that they were only sharing responsibilities and he hadn't meant to imply anything. Hinata laughed a little as Shino stood there like a tree and eventually came to the conclusion that they'd just call her, "The daughter in which I am sharing with you."

"Hm…" Hinata said thoughtfully. "Since she was originally your daughter, perhaps she should look like you."

"Yeah probably." Said Kiba. "But I'd feel bad making her look just like me since we're sharing her."

Hinata shrugged.

"I'll make her look like me but I'll give her your eyes, okay?" Kiba offered.

"Okay." Hinata said.

After slaving over their eggs for a little while, the best team ever decided that they were going to take their children someplace fun.

"How old are our children?" Hinata wondered out loud. "How do we know where to take them?"

"Well, since we have a bunch of girls, we should probably go someplace that girls would enjoy…" said Kiba, looking grievous.

"Kiba, why would you say that?" Shino said, using his ANNOYED face, which meant his brow was slightly furrowed.

"I'm just saying!" Kiba said. "You have three daughters, and Hinata and I are both sharing a daughter, so that makes four daughters, which means there are NO SONS!"

Shino could only stare at Kiba with this uninterpretable expression on his face that might have suggested, "Kiba, you are a total moron." Or perhaps it meant, "I have no idea how to even react to that." It's likely it just meant, "This is so stupid." Perhaps he was trying to convey simply, "I'm Shino." Then again, the most likely thing of all is that he is just saying, "No."

"Should we take them to the mall…?" Hinata said nervously.

"Good idea, Hinata!" said Kiba. "Is that what girls like to do?"

Hinata shrugged. "I guess." He said.

"I think we should train them to be ninjas." Said Shino as he followed his team anyway, while also trying to balance Moujo, Jijo and Sanjo.

"Shino, get real." Said Kiba. "They're eggs."

Shino got that expression again.

Meanwhile, Team Gai were chillaxing with their sons. They had all gone over Tenten's house because…um. Just because. For the same reason they DIDN'T go to Lee or Neji's houses.

Neji was staring at his completely blank egg as it sat on the table in front of him.

Lee was apparently giving a life lesson to his son.

Tenten was in the bathroom.

Finally, Neji stood up with a sigh.

"Neji, where are you going?" Lee said, looking up from his lesson with Lil Lee.

"Lee, do you feel like babysitting my egg?" Neji replied as he went for the door.

"NOOOO!" Lee screamed as he jumped to his feet as well. "You must watch baby Hichou constantly so he can learn who his father is! If I baby-sit him then he might get confused!"

"Lee…" Neji began. "Listen to yourself."

"What's your point?" Lee asked.

"You're acting like you actually believe that those eggs are alive." Neji spelled it out for him. Then he stopped. "Wait. You ARE acting, right?"

"Of course I am!" Lee said passionately. "But Gai said that he would be spying on us and if we were treating our eggs properly then he would become angry! And after Get Neji A Friend Day, I thought for sure that we'd do the best since our team are the best friends ever."

"Lee, I am not your best friend."

Lee gasped as if that was news, just as Tenten strolled in while carrying Lil Gai.

"What are you two arguing about now?" she asked.

"_I _am not arguing." Neji said. "Lee is arguing."

"Whatever." Said Tenten since she didn't really care anyway. She put her egg on the couch and sat down. "Don't you think we should take our sons someplace?"

"I was thinking exactly the same thing!" Lee exclaimed.

"I can't believe this." Said Neji, throwing his hands up in the air. "Lee is stupid enough to actual refer to his egg as his son and treat it like an actual person. Tenten, I know you naturally have no common sense simply because you lack a Y chromosome, but I thought you were at least smart enough to not—"

Then he stopped talking because both Tenten and Lee were staring at him with blank expressions.

"Are either of you even listening to me?" he said.

They both suddenly jumped. "Oh yeah!" said Tenten. "Of course we were!"

"Every word!" said Lee.

"No you weren't." said Neji. "You didn't hear ANY of my condescending remarks."

"Right, so let's forget you ever even bothered and just go someplace with our egg children!" Tenten said.

"…Fine…" said Neji. They won this time, but next time they won't be so lucky! (insert INNER NEJI shaking his fist at them and screaming "CHA!") (Yes. Neji DOES have an Inner Neji. And from now on, we will tell you what Inner Neji is saying.)

"What should we do?" Lee wondered.

Inner Neji: Why are we even doing this?

"Why are we even doing this?" Neji said.

"Because our teachers are forcing us too!" said Tenten.

Inner Neji: Tenten is a stupid female.

"Let's see…" said Lee. "Where would our manly children want to hang out?"

Inner Neji: I can't believe he's still going along with this.

"I can't believe you're still going along with this." Said Neji.

"I'm just doing what Gai tells me to do!" said Lee. "Gai is my hero!"

Inner Neji: Duh.

"I wonder how long we're going to have to do this for?" Tenten said.

Inner Neji: Tenten is a stupid female.

Okay…I guess doing this is as pointless as Canadian subtitles. So we'll just move on!

Last but not least, Team 10 had decided to go to the local movie theater and just movieplex.

"I hope no one thinks we're weird for carrying all these eggs around." Ino said as they entered their second movie with their eggs.

"They probably do." Said Shikamaru.

"Chouji, do you think you could take care of Shika and Cho?" Ino asked as she held out two eggs for Chouji to carry. "Since you don't have any and I have three… I think it's fair."

"How about I just take one?" said Chouji with a raised eyebrow. "After all, they're YOUR children. Why should I have to take two of the three?"

"Fine." Said Ino. "You take Cho then."

"Okay, since he IS named after me." Said Chouji with a shrug.

"I've been meaning to bring that up again." Shikamaru said as he led the group down one of the rows where they could sit down.

"Don't tell me you're bringing up the fact that it seemed as though I had previously planned to name my male children after you guys!" Ino interrupted.

"Well, yeah, that's what I was going to say." Said Shikamaru. "And you seemed so defensive just now and before that I'm willing to believe my hypothesis is correct."

"He's got a point, Ino." Said Chouji.

"It's not true!" said Ino. "It was just a spur of the moment thing! If, some time in the future, I have kids, I will definitely not name them after you guys!"

"That's all right." Said Chouji. "I'm satisfied with your fictional son who is actually an egg to be named after me."

"Um…good." Said Ino. "Because you won't get any more than that."

"What movie are we watching anyway?" Shikamaru said as he placed Shikataro in the cup-holder and the previews started.

"Um…" Ino said and then she paused. "I don't really know."

"I'll go check." Chouji shrugged as he frolicked off.

"You know, Ino." Said Shikamaru. "I don't care if you previously planned to name the eggs after us. The only reason I'm bringing it up constantly is because it amuses me that you're so defensive about it."

"Well, you know what, Shikamaru?" said Ino, putting her hands on her hips. "YOU'RE lazy!"

Shikamaru frowned as Chouji returned.

"The Disembodied Head That Ate People." He said.

"WHAT?" said Ino and Shikamaru.

"That's the movie we're watching." Chouji clarified as he sat down.

"Ooohhhh…" said Ino and Shikamaru with a sigh of relief.

"Is this appropriate for our children…?" Ino wondered.

"Well, let's just say that in egg years, they're plenty old enough." Said Shikamaru.

"Are WE old enough?" Ino questioned.

"Let's just say we are." Said Shikamaru.

"It said it was rated R." Chouji explained.

"Well, it's not like we even bought tickets anyway." Said Shikamaru.

"Shikamaru, you are being uncharacteristically bad ass right now!" Ino said. "You're sitting through an R rated movie, standing up to me and movieplexing all at the same time!"

"To be truthful, Ino…" said Shikamaru. "The only reason I'm staying is because I don't feel like moving. I'm standing up to you only to make fun of you and I'm movieplexing because you guys are."

"Oh." Said Ino. "I take that statement back then."

Meanwhile…

Asuma, Kurenai, Gai and Kakashi were all sitting around a table drinking tea.

In unison, they all took a sip of their tea and then placed their cups down on the table in front of them.

"Do you suppose we should actually check up on our students?" Kurenai asked.

They all looked at each other, one at a time, each making eye contact with the next.

"Naw," they all said together, and then simultaneously threw their heads back and laughed.


	38. Purposeful Parenting Part 3

Chapter 38- Purposeful Parenting Part 3

"So let's have a look see at your adorable little children!" said Gai as he picked up a clipboard and faced his students.

"What's with the clipboard?" Neji said suspiciously.

"We're taking notes on the state of your eggs." Kakashi explained as he and the other teachers whipped out their own clipboards as well.

"Well, I'd have to say that Lil Lee is the happiest, most content and well educated egg in the entire universe!" Lee shouted.

"I will write down your exact words!" Gai yelled back.

"My egg is um…okay." Said Tenten, holding her egg up and shrugging.

"Um…okay." Gai repeated as he wrote that down as well. "And Neji?"

"It's a goddamn egg." Said Neji.

"Goddamn egg!" Gai wrote down. "And what did you three do with your children?"

"First we hung around at Tenten's house letting them get acquainted and then, since they're all male, we took them to an arcade!" Lee answered.

"It was my idea!" said Tenten as if she were proud of it.

Inner Neji: Tenten is a stupid female.

"Well, that's fantastical." Said Gai as he turned to Kakashi. "Beat that, my eternal rival!"

"Students?" said Kakashi as he took his pencil out from behind his ear.

"Mine…broke…" Naruto confessed as he hung his head in shame.

"A casualty!" gasped everyone else as if they had previously decided that that was the reaction they would have in the event that someone broke their egg.

"It's all right, Naruto." Said Kakashi, patting Naruto on the head. "At least it wasn't your REAL child. What about you, Sasuke?"

"Well, even though I had three eggs, I managed not to break any of them, unlike someone else." Sasuke said as if it wasn't obvious that Naruto was the one who broke his egg.

"And how are your children feeling at this present moment?" Kakashi questioned.

Sasuke looked at Kakashi like he was an idiot.

"They're feeling fine." He said finally.

"MY daughter made friends with Sasuke's daughter!" Sakura announced.

"Did she?" Kakashi said, sounding almost like he was intrigued. But it was probably all just a show.

"Yes." Said Sakura. "And therefore, she is VERY happy!"

"Sakura has a very happy egg." Kakashi noted. "And what did you three do?"

"We went to the park." Sakura answered. "And Naruto failed to catch his daughter when she was going down the slide! That's why she broke!"

Naruto covered his face like he was about to burst into tears.

"HA!" laughed Gai. "I believe MY team has done better thus far, simply because all of THEIR eggs are still intact!"

"Naruto, you ruin EVERYTHING!" screamed Sakura as Naruto cowered in the corner in the fetal position.

"Let's avoid any further argumentation and move straight on to MY team!" said Asuma. "How are your children fairing, my team of mine?"

"All of my sons got along nicely and enjoyed all the attention we gave to them while we were watching movies." Ino started the conversation up.

"So you guys watched movies, then?" Asuma said, taking notes.

"Yes." Said Ino. "And we took them out to breakfast this morning and we didn't order anything with eggs in them."

"How thoughtful!" Asuma said. "And how is your son, Shikamaru?"

"Um…he's good." Shikamaru answered.

"He slept most of the time." Chouji added.

"I'm so glad to hear that you three were successful!" cheered Asuma as he looked at Kakashi and Gai, as if expecting them to go: "ASUMA! YOU RAWK!"

Quite OBVIOUSLY, they didn't.

"Finally, MY team!" said Kurenai. "Kiba, let's start with you. How is your egg?"

"Actually, me and Hinata were sharing this egg." Said Kiba.

"Awww!" said Kurenai, which of course caused Kiba and Hinata to both turn bright red.

"It's not like that!" Kiba yelled. "It's just because she didn't have an egg so I offered to share responsibilities with her!"

"That's so cute, Kiba." Said Kurenai.

"It's not cute!" Kiba argued as he threw a temper tantrum.

"Okay, so how is the egg?" Kurenai asked Hinata because Kiba had run off to hide from people who would make fun of him.

"She's all right." Hinata answered timidly because she was just as embarrassed as Kiba was.

"What did you all do with your eggs?" Kurenai asked.

"Well, since they're all girls, we took them to the mall and gave them makeovers." Hinata said as she got more embarrassed, and then everyone proceeded to make fun of Kiba MORE. No one made fun of Shino because he's Shino and that's reason enough.

"And…Shino?" Kurenai said. "How were your daughters?"

"Delicious." Shino replied.

No one said anything at first.

"Just kidding." Said Shino as if everyone was awfully silly for thinking he was serious. He pulled the eggs out of his pocket.

"I TOLD you Shino had a weird sense of humor!" Kiba told the general public before he once again retreated into his little bubble.

"Okay Shino…" said Kurenai, looking a bit startled.

"They're fine." Shino said.

"Well, that's excellent." Kurenai said. "The state of my students eggs are as follows: Fine and all right!"

"My students have the happiest, most content and well educated egg in the entire universe, an um…okay egg and a goddamned egg!" Gai announced.

"I have fine, very happy and one broken." Kakashi said.

"Mine have eggs that enjoyed their experience with their parents, and one is sleeping and feeling fine." Asuma finished.

So everyone stared at each other for a bit.

"Okay so what was the point of that…" said Shikamaru, trying to lead into the teachers dismissing them, perhaps without informing them of their next holiday.

"I'm glad you asked!" said Asuma. "We are going to take one person from each team; the one with the happiest child or children! And those people are the WINNERS! They get a special prize that will be announced on a later date."

All the teachers huddled as the students groaned. After a few minutes of waiting around for the teachers to emerge, they emerged! Imagine that!

"I have decided that, on my team, Sakura had the happiest egg." Kakashi reported.

"YES!" cheered Sakura. "I get a special prize!"

"Lee!" said Gai. "You have the happiest egg BY FAR!"

"ALL RIGHT!" cheered Lee in such an automatic fashion that he was very much like a sprinkler. An automatic one.

"Kiba, I've decided that you win from my team." Said Kurenai. "But just because you're so CUTE!"

"Nooo!" whined Kiba as he ran away from Kurenai before she could pat him on the head.

"And finally, the happiest eggs on my team would have to be those owned by INO!" Asuma declared.

"Yay!" cheered Ino.

"Hang on, then it wasn't fair that people like Hinata and Chouji didn't get a chance to win the special prize." Tenten pointed out.

The teachers looked at each other, then the students and then tried to sneak away as quietly as possibly. All they did was leave a note on the ground as soon as they took off sprinting.

"I think someone dropped them when they were children." Neji said.

Naruto took charge and picked up the paper. "It says that September is National Single's Month." He read. "And that means we're going to attend the annual National Single's Dance on the seventh."

There was another collective groan, except this one came mostly from the side of testosterone. The estrogen filled side gasped with delight.

"Does it say anything else?" Sasuke asked.

"It says that we should think about who we plan on bringing." Naruto said. "Because we're not allowed to show up alone."

"What?" said Shikamaru. "Isn't it a SINGLE'S dance?"

"So the dance starts at 8:00," Naruto said, ignoring Shikamaru. "But they said they want us to meet here the day before to reveal who we're taking. And there's one more thing here… it says that the special prize for the people who one the egg thing will be revealed."

"Do you two feel like pushing me off another cliff on the sixth?" Neji asked Lee and Tenten.

"You said you forgave us!" they both yelled.

"Oh." Said Naruto. "There's something on the back. It says, 'Sasuke—Kakashi's birthday is on the fifteenth so don't forget.'"

"Oh yeah." Said Sasuke.

And thus began the longest few weeks of anyone's lives. Especially Sasuke's, as he must fend off females who wish to attend the dance with him.


	39. National Single's Dance

Chapter 39- National Single's Month

"Okay…so this is how we figured it all went down." Said Asuma. "You females attempted to get Sasuke to go to the dance with you, but when he said no, you just gave up on life all together and are just going to show up without dates if you even show up at all. And as for you males, you just won't take our threat seriously enough."

"They're getting smarter." Kiba whispered to Naruto.

"BUT!" said Gai. "We anticipated this! That is part of the reason why we set up the whole egg thing."

"Does everyone remember who won the egg competition from each team?" Kakashi questioned.

"Lee, Sakura, Ino and Kiba." Kurenai reminded them just in case they may have forgotten.

"We will now reveal your special prize to you!" Asuma said. "You four winners get to choose ANYONE to go to the dance with you… AND THAT PERSON HAS NO CHOICE!"

(Get ready for another awesome run-on sentence.)

Everyone gasped at the same time and both Ino and Sakura leapt for Sasuke and made a pile on top of him but unfortunately for them, he stepped to the side at the last second, and then Lee slid over to Sakura's crumpled heap on the floor and presented her with a bouquet of flowers that he had earlier bought for her when she said no the first seventeen times, and Sasuke rolled his eyes in annoyance as Sakura stood up and politely rejected Lee for an eighteenth time but, all the while, Ino seized her opportunity to jump towards Sasuke and ask him for the fifty-seventh time if he wished to attend the dance with her, reminding him of the wonderment they shared on Random Act of Kindness Day that he most certainly did not share with Sakura, but he angrily reminded her not to talk about that, so in the end, he was pretty mad at Ino but she wasn't going to let that deter her from attaining the one she so desired!

(YES! BEST ONE EVER!)

Meanwhile, Kiba was just standing idly by.

"GAI!" shouted Lee. "Didn't you say that the winners of the egg competition got to choose who they wanted to come with them to the dance?"

"Yes." Said Gai.

"But…Sakura!" said Lee.

"Keep in mind, Lee, that she also won the competition and if she doesn't wish to attend the dance with you, even though I don't know WHY she wouldn't, then she doesn't have to!" Gai explained.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Lee in the reminiscent style of Darth Vader.

"So what do you say, Sasuke?" said Ino. "You? Me? Dance? Tonight?"

Sasuke crossed his arms and pouted like Fox.

"NO!" said Sakura as she ran up and pushed Ino out of the way. "Go to the dance with me! We're on the same team!"

A gray cloud formed above Sasuke's head and started raining.

"Well, this is a dilemma we didn't consider." Said Kakashi.

"How could you have not considered this?" demanded Sasuke.

"What should we do?" said Kurenai. "Should we not allow either of them to go with Sasuke, or would it be better to let them BOTH go with him?"

"No." said Sasuke firmly.

"Let's just make him off limits to BOTH of them!" said Gai because he wanted Sakura to go with Lee.

"Yes." Said Sasuke as he did a little dance… ON THE INSIDE.

"But that's not fair!" cried Ino and Sakura. "You guys said we could go with ANYONE we wanted to!"

"Anyone…except Sasuke." Asuma said.

"So we'll leave you students to decide." Said Kurenai. "And tomorrow, on the day of the dance, we want everyone to meet here with their dates one hour beforehand and we'll all go to the dance TOGETHER!"

Everyone cheered (or at least the teachers did) as the elder members of the group ran off, never to be seen or heard from again until they come back later.

"Sasuke, if you're not going to go with either of us then who do you plan on going with?" Ino said, putting her hands on her hips.

"I'll find someone." Said Sasuke in that, 'Trust me. I'm Sasuke.' tone.

Naruto and Lee were hopefully looking to Sakura.

"Well, Naruto, I am SO definitely NOT going with you." Sakura said plainly. "So don't bother."

"Aww…" said Naruto sadly.

"YES!" cheered Lee.

"And I want to seem cool by going to the dance with an older guy…" Sakura went on.

Lee's eyes lit up. "SAKURA!" he cheered.

"But…" Sakura went on, not making eye contact with Lee.

"BUT?" Lee gasped.

"Lee, we are JUST friends and no more!" Sakura said. "So I pick Neji."

Everyone was silent.

"What?" Said Neji, turning around from currently involved in his own head with plotting against the Main House. He had only been jolted back into reality when he had heard his name.

"Sakura wants to go to the dance with you." Tenten whispered.

"Why?" said Neji. And the same question was on everyone else's minds.

"Because!" said Sakura. "You're the number one rookie from your year and you're a year older so I'll seem really cool if I show up with you."

"That is the most superficial thing I have ever heard in my life!" Tenten announced.

"Well, tough cookies!" said Sakura. "No one has a choice on the matter except me!"

"WHY?" Lee screamed to the heavens as he dropped to his knees.

"Lee, don't take it personally, she's only doing this to be annoying." Neji said. "We all know that is typical girl behavior."

"Hey!" said Sakura.

"Sakura, you're really not going to have fun at a dance with Neji." Said Naruto. "Think of how much fun you could have with ME!"

"Yeah right, Naruto!" said Sakura defiantly even though it was true. "I know you're only obsessed with going with me because you don't know any other girls who would want to go with you!"

"That's not true!" argued Naruto. "I know PLENTY of girls that would be DYING to go with me! I'm just giving you the honor first!"

"Like I'm going to believe that, Naruto." Sakura said.

"Well, just you wait!" said Naruto. "I'll bring one of them to the dance and show you her!"

"You do that, Naruto." Said Sakura.

"I don't know what the big deal is." Said Shikamaru. "The teachers only said that we had to show up. They never said that we had to STAY."

"Well, let's just assume that we have to." Said Ino.

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru. "I'll just ask the Hokage to give me a mission for tomorrow night."

"You can't do that!" said Ino.

"Dances are troublesome." Said Shikamaru.

"Wouldn't a mission be MORE troublesome than going to do a dance?" Chouji wondered out loud.

"Well, Shikamaru, if THAT'S what you're going to do, then I am going to personally make sure you go to the dance and stay for the entire duration of it!" Ino announced.

"How do you plan on undertaking such a task?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Because I'm going to make you go with ME!" Ino said. "And you don't have a choice!"

Shikamaru stood there without moving for a good few seconds. Ino waved a hand in front of his face, but his reaction was done entirely mentally so no one got to see it. He was falling down a pit of despair; with Ino's haunting words echoing again and again and again as he fell deeper and deeper and deeper. Perhaps if he wasn't so far down in his despair, he might have been able to think of a way to get out of it with his vast IQ. But as of yet, nothing was coming to him.

"Don't you have anything to say?" Ino demanded.

"No, I really don't." Shikamaru shook his head.

"Good." Said Ino. "Because if you DID say anything then it would probably just being something annoying."

Slowly but surely, the kiddos started separating.

"Who do you plan on taking, Shino?" Kiba asked as he and Shino walked Hinata home.

"No."

"I suppose that's Shino language for you're not going to tell us." Kiba said.

"Pretty much." Shino said, adjusting his sunglasses.

Kiba gave a heavy sigh. "I can choose to go with ANYONE, but I'm not really interested in any girls that way yet. Are you going with anyone, Hinata?"

"Um…no." said Hinata. "No one has asked me."

"You wanna go with me? As friends?"

Hinata hesitated a moment because she knew her father would have a seizure if he found out. But if it was as JUST FRIENDS, then it should be all right.

"As friends?" she repeated.

"Yeah!" said Kiba.

"Okay…" Hinata stuttered.

And, since we previously made up the fact that Lee and Tenten live close to each other aside from that pesky fork in the road that sneaks up on you, we'll say that the fork was, once again, approaching them.

"I can't believe Sakura has liked NEJI all this time!" Lee cried.

"Lee, I don't think Sakura ACTUALLY likes Neji." Said Tenten in a comforting voice.

"What should I do?" whined Lee. "I have the power to force any girl I want to go to the dance with me but I don't want any other girls. I'll just look like a loser showing up by myself and then Gai will be disappointed in me."

"Lee." Said Tenten. "If it'll make you feel any better, I'll show up with you and we'll pretend we're going together and then you can try to woo Sakura once we get to the dance. That way, you won't look like a loser and Gai won't be disappointed."

Lee gasped. "That's right!" he exclaimed. "We can make Sakura jealous!"

Tenten paused. "Um…that's not exactly what I—"

"What a great idea, Tenten!" said Lee. "So I'll meet you tomorrow and we definitely have to make Sakura jealous!"

And then he ran away as fast as he could which was pretty gosh darned fast. Tenten only watched him go and then slapped her forehead, wondering why she did stupid things like that. Then she remembered... "Oh yeah! I'm TENTEN!"


	40. National Single's Dance Part 2

Chapter 40- National Single's Month Part 2

"Well, it's seven o'clock and NO ONE is here yet!" said Kurenai impatiently as she stared at her watch and tapped her foot. The male teachers were hiding behind a bush because they knew it was… YOU KNOW… THAT TIME… for Kurenai… and no one wanted to get in her way during THAT TIME.

It was only a matter of time before Neji showed up. Yes, Neji showed up first.

"Why am I first?" said Neji quizzically.

"I don't feel like hearing any of your sexist comments today, Neji!" Said Kurenai threateningly.

Neji was still confused as to how he had gotten there first and couldn't care less about what Kurenai wanted and what she didn't want.

"Neji, where is your date for tonight?" Gai asked as he and his friends came out of hiding.

"Aren't you going with Sakura?" Kakashi asked.

"I don't know." Said Neji. "I think I'm being forced to."

"Shouldn't you pick her up at her house?" Asuma asked.

"No." Neji decided right then and there.

Chouji was the next to show up, followed by his crazy large mother. His mother was actually just a person with a pumpkin for a head, but not really… that's just an inside joke so don't think twice about it.

"Chouji!" said Asuma. "You brought your mom!"

"Yeah." Chouji shrugged.

"Hi, I'm Chonna." Said Chouji's crazy large pumpkin headed mother. Even though we said she didn't really have a pumpkin for a head.

She went around and shook everyone's hands and gave out cookies.

Ino and Shikamaru were the next ones to show up, and Shikamaru was complaining endlessly as if it were HIS time of the month too but we all know Shikamaru doesn't have one of those! And Ino seemed content with the fact that Shikamaru was so annoyed.

Lee and Tenten arrived, and Lee immediately tried to make Sakura jealous by linking arms with Tenten, but Tenten only gave annoyed sighs here and there… and besides, it's not like Sakura was even there yet…

Kiba and Hinata came soon after that, and Kurenai's mood was immediately lightened because she could make fun of someone who couldn't even possibly begin to defend himself.

"Kiba!" she shouted. "You asked Hinata to the dance!"

"We're going as friends!" Kiba yelled.

"That's so cute!" Kurenai went on.

"WE'RE GOING AS FRIENDS!" Kiba yelled irrationally.

Hinata turned bright red as Kurenai continued to harass Kiba.

After that, Sakura arrived and she was hopping mad that Neji didn't pick her up like she had expected him to. But Neji just stood there and was all like, "It's YOUR fault for forcing me to go to this thing. You're lucky I haven't KILLED you yet."

That's when Naruto showed up. He was carrying a life-size blow up doll of a female.

"Naruto, you can't be serious." Said Kiba as he got distracted from his current embarrassment.

"What are you talking about?" said Naruto as he hugged his "date" protectively. "You're just jealous! This is Georgina Glass, and she's my date! Now where's that stupid Sasuke?"

Sasuke entered at that exact moment. He looked frighteningly happy to the point in which everyone was frightened. But then they caught sight of the creature he was latched arms with.

She stepped lightly into the clearing, holding softly onto Sasuke, but not for protection. If anything, it was for _his _protection, for she was a jounin ninja nearing the rank of ANBU. She was absolutely gorgeous and had the perfect figure. Pale digits played with her long silver hair that fell passed her waist, though it must have been much longer because it was wrapped it up with a golden bandana. She had a golden broach to match her bandana hanging around her neck that glowed with mysteriousness. She had on a short, black skirt and boots up to her knees, while her top was as silver as her hair. Lazily she glanced around, emerald orbs full of exhaustion. Pure boredom filled her day and she found herself exhausted. She shook her head and looked back at Sasuke.

"This is Sutefuani." Said Sasuke.

Everyone raised an eyebrow.

"That's not fair!" Ino screamed. "Why am I stuck going with Shikamaru and Sasuke's going with some skanky original character?"

"Don't call Sutefuani skanky!" Sasuke said protectively.

"Sasuke-kun, daijoubu." Said Sutefuani, putting her hand on Sasuke's arm. "She just doesn't know who I am."

"Who are you then?" Sakura demanded.

"Konnichiwa minna-san, Hyuuga Sutefuani-desu." She replied.

"HYUUGA?" said Neji in THE most offended tone ever.

"Hai." Said Sutefuani. "I was born into the Hyuuga family and then adopted into the Uchiha family because of a prophecy. During the massacre of the Uchihas, I managed to escape and travel to another village. Along the way, I gathered strength and power and became the most powerful kunoichi of all time, even more powerful than Itachi-san. When I reached the Sunagakure, I was confronted by Orochimaru-sama and given a curse seal and, for ten years, I was under his evil spell until I used my powers to escape. I was forced to kill him and all of his subordinates, and that was only three years ago. I returned to Konohagakure and was placed on a three-man team because I was only twelve so it seemed to make sense at the time even though I was so powerful, and then Hokage-sama realized how strong I was and promoted me immediately to the jounin rank."

"You're still not a Hyuuga." Neji challenged since that was obviously all he cared about. "You don't LOOK like one."

"I AM a Hyuuga-desu." Said Sutefuani.

"No you're not." Neji argued.

"Okay…" said Shikamaru. "Assuming you're a Hyuuga, which I doubt you are, I was contemplating your timeline. You were old enough to travel when the Uchiha clan was massacred, and you stated you are twelve right now. You were under Orochimaru's curse for ten years so you had to be, at the oldest, two years old when you made your journey in which you became the strongest ninja of all time. And the Uchiha massacre was only five years ago. And then you said that you killed Orochimaru three years ago? That doesn't make sense because that's too many years, not to mention the fact that Orochimaru is still alive and plaguing us as we speak. And if you're so powerful, how come we've never heard of you? And by the way—"

"Shikamaru!" Sasuke yelled uncharacteristically. "You're just jealous of the love Sutefuani and I share! Leave her alone!"

Sutefuani smirked. "Everything I have said is the truth, Shikamaru-kun." She said.

"You LOVE her, Sasuke?" Sakura said as she fainted.

"Of course!" said Sasuke. "My love burns like the flame of a thousand suns!"

"When did you meet her?" said Lee. "Last night?"

"On the way over here!" said Sasuke. "I was fascinated by her radiating beauty and moved by her touching story of tragedy!"

"Oookkkkaaaaaaaaaay…" Said everyone.

"Is everyone here?" asked Kakashi.

"No!" said Kurenai. "Shino isn't here!"

"Shino got here halfway into Shikamaru's rebuttal of Sutefuani's outrageous story." Kiba said, pointing at Shino who had a female at his side.

"Who's this, Shino?" Kurenai asked pleasantly.

"This is Tsuma, my childhood friend, and she hates people." Shino introduced her.

"I do." Said Tsuma with a glare.

Everyone wisely decided to not bother Shino's childhood friend named Tsuma who hates people.

They all arrived at the dance where there were already plenty of teens hopping around and having a grand old time. They decided to all sit down at a table that was helpfully available for them to chill at.

"Sutefuani, do you want to dance?" said Sasuke eagerly.

"Hai, Sasuke-kun." Said Sutefuani as she and Sasuke got up from the table and made their way to the middle of the dance floor. It wasn't very hard to get there because the crowd parted like the red sea and immediately formed a circle around them before they even started dancing. Then the dancing commenced!

Only moments into the dancing, Sasuke realized he was WAY out of his league and went over to the edge of the circle to watch the fluid motions of Sutefuani's ultimately seductive dance.

Meanwhile, at the table, the remaining tykes were staring at each other skeptically.

"She's obviously not a Hyuuga." Neji said as he used his Byakugan to get another look at Sutefuani. But he was immediately turned on by her amazingly seductive dance and turned OFF his Byakugan and turned around, but everyone could tell that he had inner monologue that was like, "Wow, she is SO hot."

"Neji, why are you blushing?" said Tenten.

"I don't know." Said Neji. "I don't think I really care whether or not she's a Hyuuga anymore."

"What?" said everyone.

"I love her." He said as he stood up and pushed all the people out of the way as he made his way towards Sutefuani and confidently commenced in dancing with her.

Sasuke burned with rage as he watched his date easily start to dance with his eternal rival. He stomped right over to their display of love and punched Neji so he went flying up against the wall.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sutefuani reprimanded as Neji got to his feet.

"How dare you try to steal my girl!" said Sasuke as he shook his fist angrily at Neji.

"How much does that girl mean to you?" said Neji.

"Everything and more!" said Sasuke.

"Then fight me to the death for her love!" Neji commanded.

"I will!" Sasuke yelled and immediately the two of them started fighting to the death.

Sutefuani was, at first, going to stop them. Instead, she just gave a heavy sigh since this kind of thing happened all the time.

That's when she felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned around to see Sakura and Ino standing before her.

"Ohayo Sakura-chan and Ino-chan." Said Sutefuani.

"We're very offended that you have taken Sasuke all for yourself!" said Ino. "So we have decided to fight you for his love!"

"Sou desu ka?" said Sutefuani with a smirk.

"Yes!" said Sakura. "So get yourself ready for the fight of your life!"

"I'd like to see that." smirked Sutefuani as she got into her battle stance, one that neither Sakura or Ino had ever seen before. "Just so you know, if I ever put my hair up into a tight bun then I'm really going to get serious."

"Bring it on!" yelled Sakura and Ino at the same time.

Sutefuani gently flicked one finger up every so slightly, which caused a rush of air so strong that it sent Sakura and Ino flying half way across the dance floor. She smirked and wooshed towards them, punching them to perpetuate their motion and lodge them both into the wall.

This just so happened to be right in front of the table where everyone else was sitting idly by.

"What a bother." Said Sutefuani as she stood up straight and flicked her hair lazily.

The remaining residents of the table all looked at each other, and then back at Sutefuani just as Sasuke and Neji's engagement of mortal combat flew overhead and continued on the other side of the dance floor.

"Shikamaru?" said Chouji. "Are you blushing too?"

Shikamaru sighed and stood up. Without saying anything, he walked right up to Sutefuani and started making out with her so passionately and intensely that one might think he was a little older than twelve. After like five minutes, Sutefuani pulled away and smacked him.

"How dare you, Shikamaru-chan!" she screamed.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." Said Shikamaru. "I just couldn't hold back my heart."

"Oh Shikamaru-chan." Said Sutefuani as they both started making out again and everyone else just continued to stare silently with question marks above their heads.

"Does this seem weird to anyone else?" Kiba asked all those that remained.

"Yeah." Said Lee. "Sutefuani certainly is causing a mess of things."

"SHIKAMARU!" yelled Naruto as he suddenly jumped up in his seat. Shikamaru and Sutefuani looked up at him. "FIGHT ME FOR SUTEFUANI'S LOVE!"

"That seems like a worth-while fight." Said Shikamaru as the two of them started fighting right then and there. Neji and Sasuke also happened to overhear and joined in so it became one big massive four-way battle for Sutefuani's love.

"Why is everyone falling in love with her?" Chouji questioned quizzically.

"It's because they're fan favorites and they're the sexy ones, and therefore are the targets of original characters." Said Shino.

"Shino, YOU'RE going out with an original character." Kiba pointed out.

"Of course." Said Shino. "I am a fan favorite and I am sexy."

"That's so not true." Said Kiba.

"You're right." Shino admitted. "But she hates people."

"Does she hate you?" Lee asked.

"I don't know." Said Shino as he turned to Tsuma. "Do you hate me?"

"Yes." Said Tsuma.

"She hates me too." Shino reported to everyone.

"Well, for once I guess I'm thankful for not being a fan favorite." Said Lee with a sigh. "But I still think we should do something before someone gets hurt! I'm going to go get Gai's help!"

Lee ran over to Gai, Asuma and Kurenai who were all standing in the back of the dance room.

"GAI!" he yelled. "Can you not see the massive fight that is occurring right before your eyes?"

"Of course I can!" said Gai.

"But don't worry about it." Said Asuma.

"Kakashi's already taking care of things." Kurenai said as she pointed at Kakashi as he turned off the music and stood up on a table with a microphone in his hand.

"Attention everyone," he said. "This fighting has to stop."

"Oh Kakashi, my eternal rival!" said Gai. "What a cool way to stop the fight!"

The fighting stopped, but everyone was still at each other's throats.

Kakashi then stepped off the table, still holding the microphone.

"Because the truth is, I have loved Sutefuani all this time." Kakashi said, much to EVERYONE'S surprise.

"Kakashi-san!" exclaimed Sutefuani as the two of them started making out.

The teachers could only watch in shock.

"Well, I was wrong." Said Gai, looking defeated.

"But isn't she…twelve?" said Asuma to the others.

"I think I'm offended." Said Kurenai.

Sasuke, Neji, Shikamaru and Naruto would have none of that. They all charged at Kakashi and tore him away from his love. Then a five-way battle started and, as Sutefuani was idle, she took the opportunity to beat up any other girls who might oppose her like Tenten and Hinata just because she felt like it.

"Now that was just uncalled for." Kiba decided.

"But I thought she wasn't supposed to affect us in any way!" said Chouji.

"Not normally." Said Shino. "But we're supposed to fight her and lose pathetically just to show off how amazing she is."

"Oh." Said Lee. "Well, if that's our purpose…"

Kiba, Shino, Lee and Chouji all mutually came to the decision that they would fight Sutefuani to avenge their fallen comrades who literally did absolutely nothing wrong.

Before they could do her any damage, Sutefuani opened up her golden broach that was earlier mentioned and blew some powder out on everyone around. It suddenly became extremely cloudy and all time stopped. No one could move!

"I am ashamed of all of you!" she said. "Now, I don't have much time because this ability of mine drains my chakra with each passing second I use it!" She started to fly and glow and she got angel wings. "If we cannot all live in harmony then perhaps we cannot live at all! It doesn't matter how strong or powerful or attractive we are! It doesn't matter who is stronger or more powerful or more attractive than the next person. All that matters is what is in our hearts, and if what is in our hearts is love then we will conquer all enemies!"

Her glow started getting brighter and brighter and eventually she exploded into a giant swarm of butterflies that frenzied around the room and then flew out the window up into the sky as a soft rain started to fall.

"I will be with all of you forever inside your hearts," came her echoed voice from the Heavens. "Do not forget to love, minna-san."

Everyone was released from their frozen state, and Kakashi went over to the window. He put his hand out and caught some raindrops. "It hasn't rained in months…"

Then there was a long silence and Kakashi turned around.

"Wait, what?" he said.

The four students who had previously been engaged in a fight to the death stood up and brushed themselves off.

"What just happened?" Sasuke said finally.

"It was an original character." Shino answered. "As usual, she claimed the hearts as many."

"Damn." Said Sasuke. "I lose more respect for myself that way."

"I hope we didn't do anything too outrageous." Neji said.

"Nothing that you didn't do last time." Said Lee.

"Kakashi, our students falling head over heels for an original character is one thing but…" Asuma began uneasily. "I don't know. Don't you think you're a little too old for a twelve-year-old?"

"Are you a pedophile?" Gai said bluntly.

"Not usually." Kakashi replied.

"Well, I thought this dance was a bad idea to begin with!" Kurenai announced even though it was a lie.

"Does that mean we can leave?" said Shikamaru.

"Yes." Said all the teachers.

And so, everyone that cared about the girls pried them out of the walls and then took them off to be hospitalized after suffering from Sutefuani's damage. And they all considered her last words… were they really going to be stuck with her in their hearts forever?


	41. Kakashi's Birthday Sabotage

**Er...AWKWARD. Sorry we've been so unbearably inconsistant with updates recently... it's really not like us. But we were distracted with... stuff. But we're trying to get back on track so if we're a little rocky at first then we apologize. ONWARD!**

Chapter 41- Kakashi's Birthday Sabotage

"I don't understand!" Gai yelled.

The outburst was quite random, so everyone looked up from their current shmoozing at Sasuke's pad.

"What don't you understand, Gai?" Kurenai asked.

"Well, it is September 15th, is it not?" Gai said.

"It is." Said Asuma.

"And it is 7:00, is it not?" said Gai.

"It is." Said Kurenai.

"Then why… OH WHY… is Kakashi not here!" demanded Gai.

"Because Sasuke was stupid and told Kakashi to be here at NOON." Naruto said.

"But I thought you said the party started at 4:00." Said Hinata timidly to Sasuke.

"It did." Said Sasuke. "But I told him it started it noon so he'd get here on time."

"But he's not even here." Kiba pointed out as if it wasn't obvious.

"I should have told him 9:00…" said Sasuke with a sigh.

"That's what _I _said!" Naruto yelled.

"Shut up, Naruto!" said Sakura. "Who would have ever guessed that Kakashi would be this late for his OWN party!"

"And I was going to give him the most superb gift of all time…" Gai cried as he caressed a package wrapped in gold paper.

"That wouldn't happen to be a green spandex bodysuit, would it, Gai?" said Neji.

"HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR BYAKUGAN TO LOOK INSIDE KAKASHI'S PRESENT!" Gai screamed irrationally.

Neji just took a step backwards and decided to avoid speaking to Gai for the remainder of the night.

"Well, I think it's time we phoned him to make sure he wasn't attacked by the Akatsuki or something…" sighed Kurenai as she whipped out her cell phone since she has one and so does Kakashi.

Everyone stared at her and waited.

"Hello?" she said. "Oh, hi Kakashi. Where are you? Hmm-hm… mm-hm… okay… is that so? Oh… all right… yeah… mm-hm… okay… Bye!"

She turned the phone off and put it in her pocket as everyone eagerly waited for an explanation. Kurenai just stood there obliviously as if she didn't owe them any thing.

"Kurenai." Shino said finally.

"Oh right!" said Kurenai since Shino's speech was moving enough to make her remember what her purpose was. "Kakashi said he showed up here at noon and there was no one here so he figured that we were all lying to him when we said we were throwing him a party."

"OH NO!" Lee exclaimed.

"NICE JOB SASUKE." Said Naruto.

"What's worse…" Kurenai went on. "He got QUITE upset, as you can imagine, and wandered the streets of Laredo for a little while before of course ending up at Obito's grave and remaining there for a few hours."

"That's awful!" said Tenten.

"And then…" Kurenai continued. "He figured he needed some female companionship and decided to get himself laid on his birthday and he was just about to take a woman home for the night when an evil ninja came out of nowhere and killed her."

There was a slight pause.

"What are the odds?" Shikamaru said finally.

"I don't know, Shikamaru." Said Chouji. "What ARE the odds?"

"I don't know." Shikamaru replied. "That's why I asked."

"Shikamaru, if anyone knows the odds of anything, it's YOU!" said Ino.

"What?" said Shikamaru. "How could I possibly know the odds of something as obscure as that?"

"Well, if you think it's impossible to know odds like that then why did you even bother asking what the odds were?" Ino challenged.

"I wasn't literally asking for the odds." Said Shikamaru. "It was a rhetorical question."

"Why ask a question that's not meant to be answered?" Ino said.

"Don't talk anymore, Ino." Shikamaru said.

"SO ANYWAY…" said Gai, looking back at Kurenai. "What is our coarse of action now that Kakashi is in the depths of despair on the anniversary of his birth?"

"Well, the story doesn't end there, actually." Kurenai admitted.

"I don't want to hear anymore of that story." Said Sakura.

"Yeah so after Kakashi avenged the death of his would-be lover," Kurenai went on as if Sakura hadn't said anything. "He attempted to throw himself off a giant gorge and ended up—"

"Kurenai, seriously." Said Asuma. "I don't want to hear anymore either."

"Well fine." Said Kurenai, crossing her arms.

"So what do we do, Sasuke?" said Gai. "You're the MC of this failed operation."

"Well, I suppose the best thing we can do is find Kakashi and cheer him up." Sasuke shrugged AS IF IT WAS NOTHING. "And just for the record, there was NO WAY I could have possibly known that Kakashi was going to choose today of all days to show up on time for something."

"It's his BIRTHDAY PARTY, Sasuke!" said Naruto. "Only an idiot would show up late for his party!"

"And then there's people like Neji who don't show up at all!" said Lee.

"You guys pushed me off a cliff." Neji reminded Lee.

"YOU SAID YOU FORGAVE US FOR THAT!" Lee screamed.

"I have to stop bringing that up." Neji concluded.

From that point, everyone hoisted as many party favors as they could up over their heads and commenced in their search for Kakashi.

Of course, their search didn't get to far before they all tumbled into a giant hole that had been dug in Sasuke's front yard right outside the door way. So everything was squished and crushed and various other bad things that happen to people when they're holding things and fall into a giant hole.

"Unk?" was the only response anyone could muster.

They looked up to see Kakashi standing there.

"Kakashi?" said Gai as he promptly climbed out of the hole and wiped some cake icing off his face. "Eternal rival? Are you all right?"

"Yes." Said Kakashi. "I am laughing right now."

Everyone paused and waited.

"You are?" Kiba said finally.

"Yes." Kakashi replied.

"Okay… assuming you ARE laughing…why?" Shikamaru said.

"I was digging this hole the entire time you guys were inside and then when Kurenai called me I made up a story so you all would carry the party things in here and get it all ruined, and you all fell in a hole." Kakashi replied.

"So you sabotaged your party?" gasped Kurenai.

"Yes, and it was a hoot." Said Kakashi.

"WHY would you do that?" Sasuke demanded, looking offended because, after all, it had been HIS job to plan the party.

Kakashi shrugged, but then he quickly backtracked and got his token mysterious expression. "Look underneath the underneath!" he urged.

"Kakashi, telling us to look underneath the underneath isn't going to erase the fact that you DESTROYED your potential birthday party!" said Asuma. "What sort of motivation did you have for doing something like that?"

"None." Said Kakashi. "I thought it would be fun, that's all."

"Kakashi, I would punch you in the face right now if not for the fact that you'd probably beat me up before I even raised my fist." Said Kiba.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Kiba, if you had said that to me then I probably would have had the same reaction as Kakashi." Said Shino pointlessly. Maybe he just wants attention. WTF!

"Well, even though you completely ruined YOUR birthday party doesn't mean you get out of planning Shikamaru's birthday party." Asuma said.

"That's okay." Said Shikamaru. "I don't need a birthday party."

"Yes you do, Shikamaru." Said Asuma, ruffling Shikamaru's hair.

"Don't do that." Shikamaru said but not in a terribly commanding voice.

"Well, SOMEONE has to get rid of this giant hole in my front yard." Sasuke said as if that pertained to the conversation.

"Actually, I've been planning this deed for a long time." Said Kakashi. "So I had the Hokage turn filling up the hole into a D-rank mission ahead of time." He pulled a scroll out of his pocket. "Who wants it?"

"WE DO!" Gai screamed as he lunged for the scroll.

"NO GAI!" yelled Lee, Tenten and Neji as they lunged to push Gai out of the way but Gai was too fast and his hands were on the scroll before he could be stopped.

"Have fun with that." Kakashi said to Gai and his students.

"YES!" said Gai, opening up the scroll. "This will bring our D-Rank count up one so we will have even more missions completed than Kakashi! I win again!"

"Gai…" complained his students.

"Before we all disperse…" said Asuma as he jumped in front of people who were trying to escape. "Meet on the 20th for a special holiday. It'll be fun times."

"You mean there's going to be a holiday in between today and my birthday?" Shikamaru said in a baffled tone.

"Yup." Said Kurenai.

Shikamaru took a deep breath. "Three and a half more months. I keep telling myself that. Three and a half more months."


	42. Talk Like a Pirate Day

Chapter 42- Talk Like A Pirate Day

"Aaarrrrr me hearties!" Gai exclaimed as he stood up on the side of a barrel with a wooden sword pointed high into the air. "Thar she blows!"

"Why is it that when everyone else decides not to celebrate a particular holiday, we always get stuck celebrating it anyway?" Tenten complained to Lee and Neji as the three of them sat in the barrel a little less enthusiastically than Gai.

"Because our teacher is psychotic." Neji answered. BTW, they were all wearing patches. Yes, even Neji was wearing a patch. Don't believe me? Well, see for yourself!

Neji was wearing a patch too.

SEE?

"Maties!" said Gai. "Today be 'Talk Like a Pirate Day' and I do not hear ye three talkin' like pirates!"

"Gai, this holiday is so ludicrous that not even Lee can pretend to enjoy it." Tenten said.

"I'M SORRY GAI!" wailed Lee as he buried his face in his hands and cried.

Gai gasped in the most dramatic fashion ever. "Avast! Say it ain't so! I can't believe that ye be all not in t' pirate spirit! Today be t' best holiday o' them all!"

"You say that about EVERY holiday, Gai." Neji rolled his eyes.

"Arr!" said Gai. "In pirate lingo, ye should be sayin', 'Ye say that about ever' holiday, Cap'n!'"

"Gai…" Neji started, getting ready to fruitlessly attack his teachers.

"AVAST!" Gai shouted. "I think we ought think o' seafarin' hearty names fer sea dogs an' land lubbers t' get us more in th' spirit!"

Lee, Tenten and Neji looked at each other skeptically.

"Wait, I have a Pirate-English dictionary!" Lee said as he flipped through the aforementioned object while Tenten and Neji continued to look skeptical. "AHA! Here it is… he wants us to think up nicknames…"

"Ye be 'Lily Livered'," Gai announced, pointing at Neji. Then he pointed at Lee. "Ye be 'Smartly Lubber'!" Finally, he pointed at Tenten. "An' ye be 'Poop Deck'! An' ye will all refer t' me as Cap'n ye scurvy dogs!"

"Those are terrible names, Gai!" said Tenten. "I refuse to be called something with the word 'poop' in it!"

"And 'Lily' is too feminine." Neji said plainly, but he was just snickered at behind his back because everyone knows Neji is totally feminine.

"Fer short, I'll jus' call ye all Lily, Smartly an' Poop." Gai said as if no one had said anything.

Neji clenched a fist. "If we all work together, we can take him." He said.

"Neji, no!" said Lee. "It is Talk Like a Pirate Day, so perhaps we should join in on the antics!"

Neji stared at Lee and then looked at Tenten. "Well, Tenten, I guess it's you and me against Gai and Lee."

"Ya landlubber whut deserves the black spot!" Gai shouted. "Enough o' this! We be havin' t' find some buried booty usin' this map I drew!"

"Gai…" Neji said, slapping his forehead.

"CAP'N!" Gai corrected.

Neji, of course, would NEVER call Gai 'Cap'n'. "This isn't 'Act Like a Pirate Day'. It's just 'TALK Like a Pirate Day'. Could you possibly try to avoid overdoing everything completely like you usually do?"

"If ye dasn't follow me map, Lily, then I will keel haul ye, ye bilge rat!" Gai said passionately, probably realizing the error of his ways and having to follow through with threats.

"Let's just humor him for a little while and then leave when his back is turned." Tenten tried.

"Aye!" exclaimed Gai. "That's more like 't, Poop! Follow th' lass's lead!"

Tenten paused. "On second thought, I've decided not to." She said.

Just then, Kiba and Shino came strolling through.

"So what do ye want t' do today, Shino?"

"I dasn't want t' do much o' anythin'."

"Come on, let's hang ou'! Ye, me an' Akamaru! 't'll be fun."

"Nay."

"Kiba! Shino!" Hinata called as she ran to catch up with her teammates. "Wait fer me! Dasn't go so fast!"

The best team in the universe exited stage left.

Team Gai all looked at each other.

"Avast, if e'en Shino's talkin' like a shipmate then I suppose I be havin' nay place t' refuse t' join in as well." Tenten shrugged.

"Aye. We ought to make th' best o' 't." Lee agreed.

"This here be a great holiday!" Gai said with a hearty arrr!

Then the three simultaneously looked at Neji.

Neji frowned. "Do I have a choice?" he said finally.

Everyone gave him a hard look.

He gave a heavy and exasperated sigh. "If we can go home after we find the treasure…" he said.

"We be havin' an accord!" said Gai. "Now say somethin' like a gentleman o' fortune, Lily!"

Neji crossed his arms. "Ar." He said finally.

"YAAAY!" cheered everyone within a five hundred mile radius. And let me tell you this, a few of those folks were awfully confused as to why they were cheering. All they knew was that they got a gentle feeling in their heart that made them explode with joy that came out in the form of a cheer.

Henceforth, this chapter shall be written in pirate lingo.

"So let's be havin' a eyeball that map o' yours, Cap'n." spake Poop.

"Aye, squadron." th' cap'n responded as he showed sea dogs an' land lubbers his map.

"Accordin' t' this map, we be havin' t' set sail five bucketfull o' paces north!" spake Smartly. "Which direction be north?"

"Does anyone be havin' a compas?" th' cap'n asked. "Lily? Do ye be havin' a compas?"

"Nay." spake Lily.

"Say 't like a seafarin' hearty." spake th' cap'n in a very threatenin' tone.

Lily glared at his superior an' then exhaled deeply. "I dasn't be havin' a compass." he spake.

"Do nay fear, scallywags!" the cap'n announced. "I, yer fearless leader, shall take wild guess an' assume that north be THIS way!"

Th' cap'n spun around in a circle an' pointed off in a random direction jus' like he spake he would.

Lily slapped his top. "Gai, just look at the side of a tree in which the moss is—"

"I canna hear ye Lily!" spake th' cap'n. "I dasn't understand yer strange lingo!"

"Jus' go along wi' 't t' humor th' lad's fer a wee while." Poop pleaded so she could go homeport an' avast bein' referred t' as Poop.

Lily circled a tree an' observed 'ere th' moss be. He then pointed th' opposite way that Gai had pointed. "North is that way."

"Arr, ye're a smart one, Lily!" th' cap'n admitted. "If only yer speech weren't so muddled then perhaps we would steer clear o' confusion like this in th' future."

"Ar." spake Lily.

"Cap'n!" shouted Smartly. "Let's get this hunt started!"

"Aye!" spake th' cap'n. "We ought start as soon as possible or else them dreaded marines might try an' intercept us!"

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" came a boomin' voice from th' heavens.

"What now?" Lily practically whined.

"Quiet, bilge rat!" th' cap'n hissed. "'Tis th' marines! They's here t' get us!"

"That's right we are!"

Gai's buccanneer crew looked up t' be seein' Asuma, Ino, Shikamaru an' Chouji all standin' up in a tree lookin' down upon them. They be all fully clothed in marine uniforms.

"HA!" spake Ino. "THIS is the most feared pirate crew in all the seven seas? They look like nothing more than a group of idiots riding around in a barrel."

"We're supposed to use our imaginations, Ino." whispered Chouji. Ino jus' hushed th' lad's.

"An' what do ye plan on doin' wi' us, ye scruvy dogs?" Gai spake as he whipped ou' his wooden sword again an' pointed 't at Asuma.

"We're going to haul you into prison and hang you by the gallows!" spake Asuma as he jumped down from th' tree. "And it won't be much of a challenge, I must say!"

"Arr! Them fightin' words, lad!" spake Gai.

"Marines?" said Asuma. "Attack!"

"Swashbucklers?" spake Gai. "Lock in swords!"

Simultaneously, all eight swabbies included in this buccanneer adventure started wagin' war against each other. An' 't be intense. An', jus' as sea dogs an' land lubbers be about t' avast an' go, "What th' hell be we doin'?" they looked up an' reckoned that Kakashi had been standin' thar watchin' them fer quite some time.

"And you guys try to say that I'M the one on crack?" spake Kakashi as he raised an eyebrow.

"Er..." spake Asuma as he stood up straight.

"What be 't, Kakashi?" Gai demanded. "An' why aren't ye talkin' like a seafarin' hearty? 'Tis talk like a seafarin' hearty tide, ye know!"

"Oh." spake Kakashi. "Um...arr..."

"Thats th' way 't ought be!" spake Gai. "Now what do ye want?"

"I have the plans for Shikamaru's birthday party."

"SAY 'T LIKE A GENTLEMAN O' FORTUNE!" shouted Gai.

"Um...I be havin' th' plans fer Shikamarus party."

"Okay." spake Asuma as he shedded all his marine clothin' t' reveal his regular clothin' underneath. He an' Gai keel hauled o'er t' Kakashi an' th' three o' them disappeared, hopefully off t' find Kurenai or else shed throw a temper tantrum on accoun' o' they ignored th' lass'.

Th' students eyeballed each other, cleared the'r throats awkwardly an' then parted ways.


	43. Shikamaru's I've Never Birthday

Chapter 43- Shikamaru's "I've Never" Birthday

"All I'm saying, Shikamaru…" Ino said as the two of them walked towards the appointed meeting spot for Shikamaru's birthday party. "The party that you've planned tomorrow for ME better be awesome."

Shikamaru sighed. "How am I supposed to enjoy my own birthday party if you're pestering me about your potential birthday party tomorrow?"

"POTENTIAL?" Ino shouted irrationally. "It better be an ACTUAL party, not just a POTENTIAL party!"

"Ino, I swear you are more annoying than my mother." Shikamaru said. "And that's saying a lot."

"Whatever Shikamaru." Said Ino. "The only reason I'm not being mean to you is because it's your birthday."

"NOT being mean to me?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah!" said Ino. "I'm walking you to your party. I think that's pretty nice."

"Yeah, but the whole reason you're walking me to my party is so that you can remind me to have YOUR party ready."

"That is so PRESUMPTUOUS!" Ino shouted. "I'm walking you to your party because it's your birthday and everyone should be nice to you on your birthday even though you are an annoying pompous lazy jerk!"

Shikamaru paused.

"I mean…" Ino backtracked. She cleared her throat nervously. "I mean… happy birthday, Shikamaru!"

"Thanks, Ino." Said Shikamaru, rolling his eyes.

"Hey wait…" said Ino, stopping dead and roughly grabbing Shikamaru's arm and holding him in place. "Do you hear that? It sounds like carnival music!"

"Carnival music?" Shikamaru said with that famous "this is troublesome" look on his face.

"Yeah!" said Ino. "I bet Kakashi planned you a GREAT party."

With that, she pulled him a little further until they were deeper and deeper into the woods and finally, quite suddenly, they came across…

"Oh…wrong party!" said Ino immediately.

They had stumbled across a six-year-old's birthday party by accident. There were clowns running around making balloon animals and there was a big blow up bouncer thing in the shape of a giraffe and even BARNEY was there!

But there was something that was missing.

"The guests…" Shikamaru observed. And, since he has such a high IQ, which has been stated on many an occasion before, he quickly realized what had happened.

"THERE HE IS!" shouted one of the clowns or, as the French would say, the Idiots.

All of the clowns then swarmed around Shikamaru. "HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! FROM ALL US CLOWNS TO YOU! WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY SO WE COULD PARTY TOO!"

And then they repeated those lines many times as Shikamaru just stood there and took it all like a man. Ino had to take a few steps back and, when the idiots felt that Shikamaru had been humiliated enough, they finally tore off in random directions, never to be seen or heard from again unless their services are required.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIKAMARU!" screamed everyone as they jumped out of random bushes after the idiots, or clowns, had left.

"Isn't this a great party Kakashi planned for you?" said Kurenai in a completely oblivious fashion.

"Kakashi said that he had better things to do than hang around, but he told us to give you this note." Asuma said as he handed Shikamaru a note.

Shikamaru opened it up and all it said was, "Happy Birthday".

"Wow." Said Shikamaru, folding the paper up again. "I feel happy already. Um…does Kakashi know that I'm not six?"

"Don't pretend as though you don't love it, Shikamaru." Said Gai as he put on a balloon hat.

"Look at these napkins and plates!" exclaimed Sakura. Everyone enjoyed a good chuckle at the Power Ranger napkins and matching plates. But it was OLD SCHOOL Power Rangers with Jason, Tommy, Billy, Kimberly, Trini and Zack. Not these dumb new ghetto Power Rangers in Space or whatever.

"Kakashi even got a caterer!" said Chouji. "Look, we can order 'Finger Lickin Chicken', 'Smiley Pizza', 'Hot Doggie', 'Mac 'n' Cheese'…"

"Again," Shikamaru said, directed towards the teachers. "Does Kakashi know I'm not six?"

"Who knows with Kakashi." Shrugged the teachers, unable to even PRETEND that this was normal anymore.

"Now it is time for the ceremonial opening of the presents!" Gai announced as he threw he present at Shikamaru who was still in shock so it just hit him in the face and killed him. But didn't really. He was actually fine because the gift was squishy and felt like clothing… or spandex. GREEN spandex.

"Thanks Gai." Said Shikamaru as he threw the present behind him without even opening it.

"YOUR GIFT!" screamed Gai as he dove on the present to save it.

"Can we go in the Giraffe Bounder Thing?" Kiba said.

"YEAH!" cheered everyone as they all piled into the giraffe and started jumping in it like fools.

Except for Shikamaru who was just standing there.

"You know, this would have been the best party of them all… if I was six." He said to the teachers.

"Well, maybe it's time you were six then." Said Asuma.

"What?" said Shikamaru.

"Forget I said anything." Said Asuma. "I kind of said that before I thought about it."

"That was pretty obvious." Said Shikamaru.

"So, what have you got planned for Ino's party anyway?" Gai asked.

"That is so troublesome." Said Shikamaru. "Ino's birthday is a day after mine so all anyone keeps asking me is if I already have her party planned when it's MY birthday. What if I don't feel like thinking about Ino's party right now?"

"You don't have anything planned yet, do you?" said Kurenai.

"Maybe." Said Shikamaru.

"SHIKAMARU!" came Ino's voice from the giraffe. "GET OVER HERE! WE'RE PLAYING A GAME IN THE GIRAFFE AND YOU HAVE TO COME TOO BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BIRTHDAY BOY!"

"I guess I don't have a choice…" said Shikamaru with a slightly groan as he went over to the giraffe and climbed in. Everyone was, surprisingly enough, sitting in a circle looking very patient. "What kind of game?" he asked.

"We're playing I've Never." Ino said.

"What's that game?" Shikamaru questioned.

"I hope it's not as stupid as that Spin the Bottle game we played on Tenten's birthday." said Kiba disagreeably.

"It's better!" Sakura said. "You go around the circle and when it's your turn then you say something that you've never done before and then everyone who HAS done that thing has to take a drink!"

"A drink?" Neji repeated.

"Of Sprite!" Sakura said as if it was obvious as she held up twelve bottles of Sprite.

"So what do you say, Shikamaru?" Ino asked.

"Well—"

"Fantastic!" said Ino. "Who wants to go first? Oh, I'll just go first!"

"Why are we playing a stupid girls game on my birthday?" whined Shikamaru.

"Sh!" Ino insisted. "Okay um…I've never…I've never broken up a friendship because of a boy!"

"Hey!" said Sakura as she unscrewed the top of her Spite. "That was a deliberate attack on me!"

Everyone chuckled at Sakura, but then someone happened to notice that Kiba was taking a drink too and they looked quizzically at him.

"What?" he said. "It's not like I LIKED a guy! It was just his fault!"

They averted their eyes from him as they continued around the circle.

"MY TURN!" Sakura announced. "I could deliberately attack Ino like she did to me, but I'm not that petty!"

"Hey!" said Ino.

"I've never…" Sakura went on as if Ino hadn't said anything. "I've never had a secret crush! All my crushes have been out in the open!"

There was some hesitation among the group to drink. Lee was the first brave soul to drink, then Ino, Kiba, Tenten and Hinata followed.

"All right!" said Sakura. "Now you have to say who you had a secret crush on!"

"THAT'S NOT PART OF THE GAME!" screamed everyone who had to drink as they nearly had heart attacks.

"Okay, okay, I was just kidding!" Sakura said quickly when she noticed there were a few people who were about to drop dead right at her feet. Inside that giraffe. Death by giraffe. Can you imagine?

"Me next!" said Naruto. "I've never been an antagonist to anyone here at any point in my life!"

Everyone blinked, then looked at each other.

"I guess I antagonized Sakura…" Ino said finally.

"I antagonized Sasuke." Lee said.

"I antagonized Naruto!" Kiba said as if he were proud of it, and Sasuke silently raised the Sprite to his mouth to show he agreed with Kiba's declaration.

"And I antagonize everyone." Said Neji. And you know what? He WAS proud of it.

"Sasuke, you're next!" said Sakura invitingly.

"I've never had any friends." Said Sasuke morbidly. Everyone lowered their heads at the depressingness of this statement and Lee noticed out of the corner of his eye that Neji was about to drink his Sprite.

"NEJI!" Lee screamed, practically jumping his teammate. "Don't you remember Friend Appreciation Day?"

"Yeah!" agreed Tenten. "We got you tons of friends!"

"No you didn't." said Neji. "All you did was randomly declare that I was going to live vicariously through Gai who was living vicariously through Lee who loves everyone."

"Exactly." Tenten said. "Which means you have friends."

"Whatever." Said Neji since it didn't really matter all THAT much.

All the while this was happening, Kiba was having a similar argument with Shino, except it was more along the lines with, "I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST BUDDIES, SHINO! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" And Shino was just like, "No."

"Sasuke, aren't I your friend?" Sakura pouted.

"You're not." said Sasuke plainly.

"Oh." Sakura said, looking down, defeated.

"Continuing around the circle!" Ino said, gesturing to Neji who was, inexplicably, sitting next to Sasuke.

"I've never been too fond of the term 'forgive and forget'." Neji said plainly as if he had been thinking about it previously, and then he shot an angry glare at Hinata for good measure. Hinata immediately went into submissive mode and cowered in fear, hiding behind her two teammates, as well as Neji's two teammates.

"I'll agree with Neji for once on that one." Sasuke agreed.

So everyone else shrugged and took drinks. As far as they were concerned, the term 'forgive and forget' was rather appealing.

"Unless it's Kankuro." Shino said as he finished his beverage.

Everyone agreed with him just so he wouldn't hold a grudge.

"MY TURN!" exclaimed Lee. "I'VE NEVER…been in the chuunin exam!"

"I WISH I could drink to that one!" said Kiba in the ALAS tone.

All those present who had been in the chuunin exam took drinks. And even the folks who were NOT there but were in the chuunin exam at one point in their lives subconsciously drank whatever was nearest to them and didn't even know why!

"Tenten?" said Lee.

"I've never kissed a boy!" Tenten said.

Everyone gave hearty laughs because they knew that NONE OF THEM would take swigs!

Then there was awkward silence.

"Didn't Naruto and Sasuke kiss at one point?" said Shino.

"Shino, I swear, when you choose to say something…" Kiba rolled his eyes.

"It doesn't count if it was an ACCIDENT!" said Naruto.

"YES IT COUNTS!" yelled everyone else as they forced Naruto and Sasuke to drink Sprite.

After Sasuke and Naruto were sufficiently humiliated for their moment of stupidity all that time ago, the game was set to continue. Hinata was next and she stumbled on her words for about five minutes, unable to get out exactly what she planned on saying.

Everyone just took a drink before she finished to make her feel better, but she ended up getting extremely flustered and embarrassed so they thought maybe it wasn't such a hot idea to drink.

But they got over it two seconds later once Kiba drew attention to himself and demanded that everyone pay attention to him and his turn! No one was about to argue with Kiba when he was on such an intense mission so they allowed him to go even though Hinata was practically hyperventilating.

"I've never walked in on a girl while she was changing!" Kiba said.

"Kiba, you made a deliberate attack on me just then." Said Shino.

"No I didn't Shino." Said Kiba. "I forgot ALL about the time you walked in on my sister changing."

"It was an accident." Shino said.

Everyone gasped as if Shino had just announced that he had done it on PURPOSE.

"But you have to take a drink anyway!" said Naruto. "Because we've already said that it COUNTS when it's an accident."

"Whatever." Said Shino. "It's not like there's a consequence to drinking Sprite."

Everyone glanced around only to catch Neji just as he was LOWERING the Sprite.

"Who did you walk in on?" Tenten asked. "I know it wasn't ME."

"It WASN'T you." Said Neji with a glare.

"And don't try to use the whole 'it was an accident'." Lee said, doing the quotes.

"It WAS an accident." Neji said. "I wouldn't walk in on a girl changing ON PURPOSE."

"Can we go to the next person?" Hinata cried suddenly. They figured that, for Hinata's sake, they had best move on.

"Shino?" Ino offered.

"I've never lost to Naruto." Shino said.

All those who lost to Naruto gasped dramatically and nearly fainted.

"You were deliberately attacking ME!" Kiba said to Shino.

"What's wrong with that?" Shino asked. "You were deliberately attacking me."

"But that's different." Said Kiba.

"How is that different?" said Shino.

"It's funny when I do it." Kiba replied.

"Sasuke, you have SO lost to me." Said Naruto when he noted that Sasuke was not taking a drink.

"No I haven't." said Sasuke, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes you have." Said Naruto.

"Okay." Said Sasuke. "When?"

"I don't remember exactly when!" said Naruto as he stopped looking at Sasuke.

"I feel like I'm drinking to EVERYTHING." Said Neji.

"You didn't drink to the kissing the boy one." Lee pointed out. "Unless you drank when none of us were looking. YOU'VE KISSED A BOY, NEJI?"

Everyone looked at him.

"HE said it, not me!" said Neji defensively, pointing at Lee.

"Chouji!" said Ino. "You're next!"

"Hm…" said Chouji thoughtfully. "Well, I've never fallen in love with an original character!"

"Good one!" said Lee as he had way too much fun and slapped his knee.

"Damn original characters…" said Sasuke as he squeezed his bottle of Sprite so tightly that it almost exploded.

"Hey, Shikamaru!" said Ino since Shikamaru was sitting in between her and Chouji so his turn must have been next. "Birthday boy! You have to take a drink since you fell in love with an original character a couple of weeks ago!"

Then she looked at him to discover that he was sleeping.

"Hey…" she said.

"What, how long has he been sleeping?" said Kiba, looking slightly offended.

"I think he fell asleep sometime in between Sasuke's and Neji's." Chouji said.

"Oh." Said Sakura. "That's lame."

So, even though it was Shikamaru's birthday, everyone mutually decided (with the exception of Chouji but he was overruled) to be mean to him for falling asleep during their game. They crawled outside the giraffe and pulled open the plug that kept all the air inside. Slowly but surely, all the air drained out until it was just a heap on the ground and Shikamaru was twisted inside. After about a minute of silence, they could suddenly see Shikamaru's form inside the deflated giraffe sit up, look around quizzically, and then frantically stumble and struggle around while trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

They all just laughed at his expense in the cruelest way possible until he finally came to the exit and tumbled out of it in the most pathetic fashion EVER. And, once he saw that they were all laughing at him, he decided not to inform that something strange had happened to the giraffe.

Everyone shared some warm laughter even though Shikamaru was a wee bit frazzled. They spent some time pumping the giraffe back up to its original size and then set the rest of their day aside for jumping in it and having a grand old time. Shikamaru didn't really hold a grudge because, as he has previously stated, holding grudges are FAR too troublesome. Shikamaru's the kind of guy who doesn't even need a 'Let It Go Day'.

Whence they were all departing after a fun day spent jumping in a giraffe, Ino grabbed Shikamaru's arm.

"Happy birthday, Shikamaru." She said.

"Thanks Ino." Said Shikamaru.

"And you better have an awesome party planned for me tomorrow." Ino practically threatened.

"Um…okay…" said Shikamaru.

And with that, they separated, and Shikamaru figured that he should probably get on that planning.


	44. Ino's Dream Sequenced Birthday

Chapter 44- A Dream Sequenced Birthday

Ino awoke from her slumber in a reasonably good mood for someone who expected the worse out of her birthday celebration. She had already decided to try to make the best of the day no matter what it brought her, or rather, no matter what Shikamaru brought her.

Or, rather, what Shikamaru DIDN'T bring her.

But she had previously come to the conclusion that she would not automatically tack on those expectations (or lack thereof) just because Shikamaru had let her down so many times before!

She got out of bed, dressed herself and then went to the door to her bedroom. Just as she was about to open it, it suddenly swung open and hit her in the head.

She slumped to the floor like a ragdoll and then looked up at her attacker. It was Kiba.

"Kiba?" she said.

"Oh!" said Kiba. "Sorry, Ino. I was just coming to see if you were ready to go."

"To my party?" Ino asked.

"No." said Kiba, looking confused. "To see the wizard."

Ino paused a moment and then looked Kiba up and down to see that he was in a giant dog suit. (She guessed she hadn't noticed it before because she just figured that Kiba was weird enough to do something random like that and passed it off as normal.) She also noted that everything was in black and white.

Ino quickly realized that she was in a dream sequence.

"Great!" she said, quickly realizing she was in a dream sequence. "I just realized that I'm in a dream sequence!"

"Huh?" said Kiba.

"Never mind." Ino shook her head. "There's only one way to get out of a dream sequence like this and that is by traveling to the end of it and wishing my way home! Let's go find the wizard, Kiba!"

"Okay!" said Kiba with a shrug as the two linked arms, skipped down the stairs and opened the door.

Ino was presented with a typical fairytale world that was overly colorful. As she and Kiba stepped outside, they too became colorful, and Ino then took the opportunity to look around for a set of feet sticking out from under the house that possessed red slippers she could snatch.

Sure enough, she found them and, just as she was about to go over and take them, she bumped into someone wearing a beautiful pink dress. She stood up straight to find Hinata.

"Hi Hinata." Said Ino.

"Hello." Said Hinata as she waved a pretty star wand. "Do you seek the slippers of the Wicked Witch?"

"Um…yeah…" Ino said.

"Well, there they are." Hinata gestured to Ino's feet and she looked down to discover that she was already wearing them.

"Oh, thanks!" said Ino. "Saves me the trouble of having to put them on myself. But I was wondering…could I skip this whole journey and just go home right now? At this rate, I'm going to be late for my own party."

She suddenly got a tap on her shoulder. She spun around to see Tenten standing there in an outrageous outfit.

"As mayor of the Munchkin City in the County of the Land of Oz—" she sang in one seriously messed up voice but, instead of standing there listening to all the crazy people running around singing, Ino grabbed Kiba's arm and dragged him off down the yellow brick road.

"Why'd we leave so soon?" Kiba asked, looking depressed. "I think they were about to start singing for us…" He looked longingly back at the little village as the people waved goodbye to them.

"I don't have time!" said Ino as she walked very quickly. "I have a party I have to get to!"

"All right." Kiba shrugged as he hurried after Ino.

"Weeeeee're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!"

They suddenly came to a fork in the road.

"Oh no…" Ino mourned. "Which way now?"

"That way's nice."

Ino looked around. "Who said that?" she said to Kiba.

"I think it was that scarecrow over there." Kiba said hesitantly.

"Don't be silly, Kiba." Said Ino, looking at the scarecrow that appeared eerily familiar to someone she knew. "Scarecrows don't talk."

"It's pleasant down that way too."

Ino frowns and tries to figure out where she knows this person from.

"Of course people do go both ways."

Then she hits herself on the head. "Lee!" she exclaimed as she went over to him. "I think my brain is fried or something because you are by far the most recognizable person in the world."

"Huh?" said Lee who was dressed as a scarecrow.

"Let me get you down from there so we can get on our way!" said Ino as she used ninja skillz to knock down the poll Lee was on.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Lee screamed in an overly animated fashion. Then he got to his feet and looked like he was about to dive into his life story, but Ino put her hand up to signal for him to stop.

"I'm in a hurry." She said, offering her arm to him.

"Oh." Said Lee. "Okay…I guess…"

She linked arms with him and the two of them started skipping down the path.

"…We hear he is a wiz of a wiz if ever a wiz there was…"

Then they came across a forest.

"Everyone scatter!" Ino yelled to Kiba and Lee suddenly. "Find anything that resembles a man made out of tin! I have to hurry and get out of this dream sequence so I can get to my party!"

"Yes ma'am!" said Kiba and Lee as they ran off in search of what Ino sought.

"OVER HERE!" Lee yelled. Ino sprinted over to where Lee was calling from.

Sure enough, Shino was standing there not moving with his hands in his pockets.

Ino looked around briefly. "Does anyone see an oil can?" she asked.

"Right here." Said Kiba.

"All right," said Ino as she lifted the oil can to Shino but Shino just slapped it away. "Oh, I thought you were rusted."

"Rust cannot defeat Shino." Said Shino.

"Well, then let's go." Said Ino. "I have to get to the wizard so I can get to my party."

"Do I have to come?" Shino asked.

"Yes!" said Ino.

"I won't skip." Shino warned.

"Fine!" said Ino. "I didn't want to skip with you anyway!"

With that, she took Kiba and Lee's arms and the two of them started skipping while Shino just walked behind them.

"If ever, oh ever, a wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is one because…"

"HEY!" came a voice behind them.

They stopped skipping and turned around to see Sakura standing up on a roof of a small randomly placed house in a black dress. (No, Sakura was in the black dress, not the small randomly placed house.)

"I was just about to make my threats!" she said. "How dare you start skipping away before I get the chance!"

"Crazy Dream Sequence Sakura!" said Ino, walking over. "I know we have our differences but let's put it all behind us! It's my birthday and I just want to get to my party!"

"So?" said Sakura.

"So journey with us." Said Ino. "It'll make everyone's lives easier. That way, you don't have to antagonize us."

Sakura shrugged and hopped off the little house. "I guess." She shrugged.

"To Oz?" said Ino, holding out her arm.

"To Oz!" Sakura agreed. Kiba and Lee ran over and joined them. Lee went to link arms with Sakura, but she slapped him and forced him to link arms with Kiba.

"Because, because, because, because, becaaaauuuuse! Because of the wonderful things he does!"

"RAAAAAAAAAWWWRRRR!" Naruto growled as he jumped out from behind a tree wearing a lion suit. (No, it was Naruto wearing the lion suit, not the tree.)

At first, everyone shrieked like little girls (YES, EVEN SHINO) but then Ino smacked Naruto across the face with her picnic basket that we forget to mention before.

"Hey…!" whined Naruto as he put his hand on his hurt.

"Naruto, cut the crap." Said Ino. "I have a wizard to see and I'm not going to have you jumping out from behind trees and scaring the bajeezers out of me on my birthday, got it?"

Naruto's lip quivered as he nodded.

"To Oz, Naruto!" said Sakura.

"To Oz…" said Naruto, not sounding that enthusiastic. They all linked arms and started to skip, except Shino of course.

"We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Ozzzz!"

They came to a stop in front of Emerald City.

"Wow…journeys certainly go fast when you're singing." Ino realized as she rang the doorbell.

Two holes in the door opened up and Neji and Sasuke each poked their heads out of one of them.

"Who rang that bell?" they both demanded together.

"We did!" chorused the journeying group.

"Can't you read?" said Neji.

"Read what?" Lee asked.

"The notice!" Neji said.

"What notice?" Kiba questioned.

"The notice on the door!" said Sasuke. "It's as plain as the—"

"Sasuke!" said Ino. "I don't mean to interrupt you and Neji in all of your wonderful egotistical glories but…I have a party to get to. So open the door right now so I can end this dream sequence."

Neji and Sasuke looked at each other skeptically.

Then they both sighed, pulled their heads out of the holes and opened up the door. The small journeying group entered Emerald City and were immediately beckoned to get on the carriage that was waiting for them. Chouji was looking ever so jolly holding the reins, so how could anyone help but agree to ride his little coach?

"What kind of horse is that?" Sakura exclaimed when pointing to a giant nine-tailed fox demon that was pulling the carriage.

"Why, that's a horse of a different color!" Chouji said happily.

"Uh…I don't think that's a horse at all…" said Naruto.

"Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho!" laughed Chouji. "And a couple of tra la las! That's how we laugh the day away in the merry old Land of Oz!"

Ino slapped her forehead as they slowly made their way towards the entrance to the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz's lair. When they finally came to a stop, Chouji stopped singing and gestured to the lair.

"Just walk down the giant ominous hallway, and good luck to you." Said Chouji.

"Thanks, Chouji!" said Ino as she hopped off the carriage and her crowd followed her.

They walked down the ominous hallway and entered a giant room where they all expected to be awed but there was silence. Ino even went over and inspected behind the curtain but, upon finding nothing, put her hands on her hips and looked around.

"Well?" she said. "Where's the wizard?"

"Is he the wizard?" Lee asked as he pointed at Shikamaru sleeping on a couch in the corner.

"SHIKAMARU!" Ino screamed, and he immediately was jerked awake simply by the sound of her voice. "WAKE UP!"

"I'm up!" Shikamaru said frantically, looking around and then realizing that it was only Ino. "Oh. It's just you."

"It's just me!" Ino repeated, sounding offended. "I'm starting to think that this whole dream sequence is all your fault and you thought it up just as a way to delay giving me an ACTUAL birthday party! I mean, why else would YOU be the wizard?"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever, never mind!" Ino said. "Just give all my comrades gifts and then send me home!"

"All right." Shikamaru shrugged as he stood up. "Kiba—"

"I'm just the dog, I don't get a gift." Kiba said.

"Okay, good." Said Shikamaru. "Because I was going to tell you that you were just a dog and I didn't have a gift for you."

"Then it works out perfectly." Said Kiba.

"All right, Lee." Said Shikamaru. "You seek to gain the ability to use ninjutsu and genjutsu. I can't do that for you, so instead I'll just give you a diploma."

"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." Said Lee as he took the diploma that Shikamaru presented him. "Oh joy, rapture! It's almost as good as being able to use ninjutsu and genjutsu! How can I ever thank you enough, Shikamaru?"

"You can't." said Shikamaru as he turned to Naruto. "You want to become Hokage, but I can't do anything about that and you're still too young. Therefore, for meritorious, conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a member of the Legion of  
Courage."

He then handed Naruto a medal. Naruto accepted it and stared at it.

"Is that anywhere as cool as being in ANBU?" he asked.

"No clue." Shikamaru replied. Shino, you're next. You wish to become a chuunin, but I don't have the authority to make you one. So, in order to save face, I'll give you this testimonial."

"Keep it." Said Shino.

"Fine." Said Shikamaru, looking slightly offended. Then he turned and looked at Sakura. "I don't know why you're here. You're evil."

"What can I say?" Sakura shrugged.

"Me next!" said Ino. "Something along the lines of 'there's no place like home'?"

"I think we have to wait for the Good Witch for that…" said Shikamaru.

"No way!" said Ino. "I'm sure you can tell me."

"Well fine." Said Shikamaru. "Just click your heals together three times and say 'There's no place like home'."

"All right!" said Ino. "I'm out of here! Thanks everyone for being hasty and patient with me. And Shikamaru, my party better be awesome!"

Then Ino clicked her heals together three times.

"There's no place like home!" she exclaimed.

Moments later, she found herself lying on the floor. She opened her eyes to see everyone leaning over and staring at her.

"She's awake!" Sakura said, and everyone backed off.

Ino sat up. "I just had such a strange dream!" she said. "And you were there! And you were there! And you—" She paused when she got to Tenten. "Wait…I don't think… oh yeah! Yes you were."

"Um…" said Tenten.

"In any case, there's no place like home!" Ino said. Then she paused. "And what about my party, Shikamaru?"

"It's downstairs, waiting for you to regain consciousness." Said Shikamaru.

"Oh good!" said Ino. "I'm glad you didn't forget!"

With that, everyone journeyed downstairs to have the party Ino strived so hard to be on time for.


	45. Autumn

Chapter 45- Autumn

"Kiba, I don't know if it's such a good idea to use that much glue…"

"Oh come on, Hinata. You sound like Akamaru!"

"Leave Asuma to think up the WORST activity for our season celebration." sighed Kurenai on the 22nd of September.

Everyone was sitting around a table and were cutting out leaves and had glitter and pompoms scattered about.

"You try and think up an activity for autumn aside from raking leaves!" said Asuma angrily. "All I could think of was autumn themed arts and crafts!"

Everyone glared at him.

"And where is Kakashi anyway?" said Gai. "He has been MIA ever since his birthday."

"He shows up to training." Said Sasuke.

"Late." Said Sakura.

"Yeah." Said Sasuke. "But he shows up. And he reminds us that we have to come to these things. So he KNOWS about them. He's just choosing not to show up."

"Why?" said Lee.

"Because he's _smart_." Said Neji.

"That Kakashi!" said Gai. "If only he were my student! Then I would threaten him that if he didn't show up then I would make him a genin forever but alas! He is NOT my student!"

"Lucky him." Said Neji.

"All right, Neji, that was two snide remarks." Said Tenten. "You don't get anymore in this chapter."

"You can't tell me what to do." Said Neji in a very childish manner.

"Let's go find Kakashi!" said Asuma ambitiously as he stood up. "I am offended that he's ditching our holiday celebrations!"

"YES!" said Gai. "I shall join you!"

"Me too!" said Kurenai, and then she shot a glare at the students. "When we return, you all better have amazing creations or ELSE."

"Aww…" said everyone dejectedly.

With that, the teachers left the students on ALLLLLL alone. Even though they weren't really alone because they had each other.

Only two minutes of silence passed before Kiba piped in.

"I think I glued my hands together." He said matter-of-factly.

Everyone stared at him.

"No you didn't." said Shino.

"Yes I did." Said Kiba as he showed his glued hands the world. They were totally glued together, and nice and evenly too.

Shino didn't even respond to that. He only put his head in his hand and looked utterly helpless.

The others felt sort for Shino that he had to deal with unsticking Kiba's hands so they offered to help. Yes, even Neji's icy heart was melted by Shino's look of helplessness.

"My mom says to use nail polish remover!" said Ino as he pulled out a bottle of nail polish remover that she just so happened to have handy.

"But I can't stand the smell of that stuff!" said Kiba.

"Shut up, Kiba! You were stupid enough to glue your hands together so you have no choice in the matter!" said Ino and, even though Kiba deserved it, her words still were rather harsh.

"I'm glad you're picking on someone else for once." Said Shikamaru.

"You shut up too, Shikamaru." Said Ino.

"Why?" said Shikamaru.

"Because you're annoying!" Ino said as if it were obvious.

"Oh right." Said Shikamaru sarcastically.

"All right, Kiba, put out your hands!" Ino ordered.

Kiba reluctantly obeyed and put out his hands. Ino feverishly started pouring the nail polish remover all over his hands as Kiba yelled in pain, "AHH IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" But, like all good things, this activity eventually came to an end once Ino ran out of nail polish remover. They attempted to pull Kiba's hands apart but they were largely unsuccessful.

"Okay…I'm all out of ideas." Said Ino as she threw away the empty bottle because she wasn't going to litter because littering is for losers. Everyone else shrugged.

"Come on, guys!" Kiba whined. "I don't want to be stuck like this for the rest of my life!"

"Well we don't feel like helping you!" said Sakura as she went back to her arts and crafts.

"Hinata…" said Kiba. "You'll help me, right?"

"Um…" Hinata said. She really wanted to help but she couldn't think of anything in particular that she could do. "I could try channeling chakra through it, but I doubt that will do much."

"Of course it won't do anything." Said Neji in that, "DUH!" voice. And he even added a bit about the Main House under his breath.

Hinata decided to help Kiba anyway just because he wanted it SO bad! So she put her hands on his, and they failed for a bit, and then Neji obviously got overly offended and frustrated with how long it was taking them even though he had previously stated that it would never work.

So he pushed Hinata aside and proceeded to put HIS hands on Kiba's, which proved a more awkward situation than he had originally evaluated. Just when something MIGHT have happened, Kakashi suddenly rounded the corner since there are corners in the forest after all. But I guess we never really said they were in a forest in the first place…WELL THEY ARE!

"Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the road of—" Kakashi started but then he stopped in his tracks when he saw the site before him. "Am I interrupting something?"

"NO!" yelled Kiba and Neji as they jumped away from each other.

"Don't stop on account of me." Said Kakashi as he turned to pretend as though he was busy with arts and crafts.

"Where have you been, Kakashi?" said Sasuke.

"I told you." Said Kakashi. "I was lost on the road of life."

"And just so you know, Kakashi, there's nothing going on between me and Neji." Said Kiba. "In fact, I hate him."

"Well I hate you too." Said Neji with a glare as if Kiba's statement was news to him.

"We were actually just trying to get my hands unstuck because somehow I got them glued together." Kiba explained.

"That's hilarious, actually." Kakashi said.

"You have a warped sense of humor." Said Naruto. You know, that was his first line in the chapter. As a matter of fact, he hasn't even been MENTIONED in this entire chapter! Or referred to! AT ALL! HAHAHA!

"Okay, let's see the problem." Said Kakashi, turning around and facing Kiba who was standing there, ironically enough, like a sad puppy.

He presented his hands to Kakashi. Kakashi rubbed his mask covered chin in a perplexed fashion.

"Hm…" he said. "What is this stuff your hands are drenched in?"

"Nail polish remover." Kiba said, glaring at Ino.

"I was helping!" Ino insisted.

"What if we just cut the glue in between your hands?" said Kakashi, whipping out a ninja star.

"Uh…" said Kiba, protecting his hands. "I'd prefer not to do that."

"How about lemon juice? Does that work?" Chouji inquired.

"Sure, if I wanted to have smooth skin." Said Kiba.

They all continued bickering for a little while until they were attacked by a giant swarm of bugs. Yes, just like that. There was no climax to the attack whatsoever. The bugs just came out of nowhere, swarmed around foolishly, and then disappeared as abruptly as they had appeared.

Everyone was naturally disheveled and, as they tried to regain their composure, Kiba took a minute to make the situation about HIM.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "My hands are unstuck!"

"Duh." Said Shino.

"Shino!" said Kiba. "If you could have done that the whole time then why did you bother with that so called helpless expression to trick everyone else into helping me?"

"Who says I did anything?" said Shino.

"So you're saying those bugs just acted on their own and unstuck my hands just for kicks?" Kiba said.

"Yes." Said Shino.

"All right, all right, that's enough of this." Said Kakashi as he readjusted his jounin vest after the savage attack. "Since no one else is here, they're forcing me to do it myself. As you know, the upcoming month is October, which means—"

"MY BIRTHDAY!" Naruto practically shrieked as he started dancing around like a fool child.

"Oh yeah." Said Kakashi. "That too. Ino, you have to plan Naruto's birthday."

"Whoop dee doo." Said Ino.

"Hey!" said Naruto.

"The 4th Hokage Memorial Day is on the 10th so we'll also be celebrating—"

"WAIT!" Naruto said. "My birthday is on the 10th! We're celebrating my birthday, not memorializing some dead guy!"

Everyone slapped their foreheads and Kakashi slapped Naruto.

"ANYWAY," he said, looking offended. "Like I was saying. We'll be celebrating that as well."

"What's the month theme?" asked Sakura.

"October is Sexual Education Month." Kakashi answered.

Silence.

"Anyway," said Kakashi. "We'll tell you about that in the future. But the closest holiday we're celebrating to know is Sports Day on the 5th. So come to my team's training area on that day and be sure you are dressed comfortably."

"SPORTS DAY?" screamed everyone. "WE ALREADY SAID WE REFUSE TO CELEBRATE FAKE HOLIDAYS!"

"Sports Day is not a fake holiday." Said Kakashi calmly. "It's simply not as popular as the more popular holidays like Halloween which also happens to fall in this month as well. Now everyone go away before I start to get violent."

That was warning enough for everyone to scidaddle.

"Shikamaru, what sort of birthday party should I plan for Naruto?" Ino wondered out loud.

"I don't know." Said Shikamaru. "I don't care."

"How dare you!" said Ino. "I swear you are getting ruder every day!"

"Oh Ino. Oh Shikamaru." Said Chouji contently.


	46. Sports Day

Chapter 46- Sports Day

"Good afternoon Shino." Said Shino's dad, who we shall call Auron.

"Good afternoon, Father." Said Shino.

They stood there and stared at each other.

"Is there a reason there is a colorful cast on your arm?" Auron inquired as if his question was only meant as a conversation starter, and we all know that those crazy Aburames would NEVER say something to just start a conversation.

Sure enough, Shino was wearing a cast on his arm that was decorated all pretty like. Why was this?

"Well," said Shino. "It's a bit of a story."

"I'm willing to listen." Said Auron.

Shino paused for a moment. Sure, Auron was willing to listen, but was he willing to tell a long story?

"Shino." Said Auron finally.

That answered his question.

"Well all right." Said Shino. "It all started last December."

"Wow." Said Auron. "This _is _going to be a long story."

"I told you." Shino said. "Our teachers decided that they were going to force us to celebrate every holiday that occurred throughout the year."

"Holiday?"

"Yes. Remember how everyone showed up at our house some time in mid to late January?"

"Ah yes. Why was that again?"

"I would not bother plaguing myself with remembering." Shino replied. "But apparently there are two kinds of holidays in a year. A 'fake' holiday and a 'real' holiday. People only wish to celebrate the 'real' holidays, but our teachers insist on celebrating all of them."

"Does that cast have something to do with a holiday?"

"Yes." Shino answered. "Today was one of those 'fake' holidays called Sports Day, in which you play sports to pass the day. We all showed up at the designated place at the designated time and our teachers had an array of tools for different sports. First we played soccer, then baseball, then basketball, then volleyball. Then we played cricket."

"And now you have a cast?"

"No, Father." Said Shino. "The holiday was not as awful as everyone else had expected. "The others would not admit it but they were enjoying themselves."

Auron didn't even have to ask Shino if he was enjoying himself because we all know that Shino doesn't enjoy anything. And Auron probably didn't care either but that's a whole 'nother story!

"The final sport we played was called 'football', which is actually a rather poorly named holiday because the ball that we all pummel each other for is actually transported up and down the field by means of our hands and arms as opposed to our feet, as the name would suggest."

Auron just waited for Shino to continue.

"You know Kiba, right?"

"Your loud, affectionate, clingy teammate?" Auron said immediately.

Shino nodded.

Auron let out a slight groan.

"Yes." He said finally.

"He and I were on opposite teams."

"Well, that is a good thing."

"No." said Shino. "No, it was not a good thing at all."

"I see." Said Auron. "How so?"

"Knowing Kiba, he got far too enthralled with the game. And, since the object of the game was to leap atop the person on the opposite team who had the ball and knock him to the ground, you can only imagine how excited he got whenever someone on a different team as him received the ball."

Auron just waited.

"Perchance, I came across the ball." Shino said as he looked up thoughtfully and had a flashback…

"_Shino, Shino!" said Naruto excitedly._

_I turned around. "Yes, Naruto?" I said._

"_We're going to give the ball to you next." He answered. "Everyone on the other team will be too afraid to tackle you so all you have to do is run down the other end of the field and score us the touchdown."_

"_Is that such a good idea?" Chouji inquired._

_I waited for somebody to tell me what the actual plan was._

"_Okay, when I say HIKE I'll throw you the ball and you take off!" said Naruto._

_I stood there, still waiting for someone to let me in on the real plan. It's not like it mattered, though, since I had just been waiting in this spot since the beginning of the game._

_Naruto screamed, "HIKE!" and a brown lemon shaped object that could hardly be classified as a ball came hurtling towards me. I caught it and was initially surprised by the texture of the object but, before I could ponder about it at all, I looked up to see Naruto calling for me to start running, or at least dodge._

_What did I have to dodge for? I turned my head ever so slightly only to see someone painfully familiar throwing his body in my direction while shouting his painfully familiar battle cry._

"Had I expected the assault, or at least known about it ahead of time, certainly I would have been able to better prepare myself." Shino said.

"Certainly." Said Auron. "Then what happened?"

"Needless to say, I was knocked to the ground." Shino narrated. "I do not believe I ever blacked out, but I was shocked. I was looking at the sky."

Shino looked up at that point, and had another flashback.

"_Shino…Shino, you okay?" Kiba was saying as he leaned over to me and stuck his face in mine. Naruto was there too, as was Neji and Chouji and all the other people I could think of at the time._

_I felt okay at first, but as I tried to sit up I felt a siring pain in my right arm. I tried to move it, yet as I watched my fingertips, they would not move when I commanded it._

_I looked back up at the faces eagerly waiting for a response._

"_No." I said._

"No?" Auron repeated.

"That's what I said." Shino said.

"You were not okay?" Auron clarified.

"I was not okay." Shino said.

"_What do you mean, Shino?" said Kiba. " You're not okay?"_

_I finally pushed myself to a sitting position, trying not to cradle my ever so pained arm. "My arm is broken." I came to the conclusion, not meaning entirely to say it out loud._

_There was a collective gasp._

"_Shino!" said Kurenai. "You must have fallen on it wrong!"_

_How could she blame me for what had just happened? Clearly it was entirely the fault of Kiba, and I was just the victim of his stupidity._

"She said it was your fault?" Auron translated.

"Well, no." said Shino. "But she might as well have."

"So then what?" Auron said.

Shino explained how they took him to the medical hospital place so he could be inspected. Since this is that same paradoxical world where chuunin Shikamaru and the 3rd Hokage coexist peacefully, Tsunade was not there. In addition, this is also the time BEFORE Sakura became unrealistically awesome so no one was around who could possibly do anything to proactively help the situation.

"They inspected and found your arm was, indeed, broken." Auron concluded.

"Yes." Said Shino.

"What did your loud, affectionate, clingy teammate have to say about that?" Auron questioned.

"_Shino, I'm sorry I tackled you so intensely that I broke your arm."_

Shino looked at his casted arm and frowned slightly, but one can never really tell unless they are at the right angle and squinting real hard.

"Now we know why you have the cast, but why is it so colorful?" Auron said.

"_Well, I have a variety of colored Sharpies…" Kurenai said in a tone that did not suggest that it was now a requirement of Sports Day that they write all over my cast._

_But somehow, the presentation of the colored Sharpies compelled everyone to dive upon me, hold him down and then draw pictures and notes of well being on his cast. I quickly realized that it had been her intention from the very beginning to initiate the cast signing and I had been wrong in interoperating her tone as being innocent._

"So they colored and they colored and they colored." Shino said. "Torture."

"It sounds terrible." Said Auron. "What's worse is now your arm is broken and the Chuunin Exam is right around the corner."

Shino froze.

"What?" he said.

"The Chuunin Exam is right around the corner." He replied. "October 20th to be exact."

"That is only two weeks from now." Shino said. "My arm will not be healed in that time."

"Pity." Said Auron.

Shino stood there in silence. He finally let out a sight.

"No…"


	47. Remember Naruto's Birthday

Chapter 47- Remember Naruto's Birthday

Everyone was giggling maniacally.

You see, Naruto thought they were all going to blow off his birthday and go to the 4th Hokage Memorial service, but only Kakashi cared enough to go. So, while Kakashi was not present, the others hatched this fantastic plan to surprise Naruto.

I mean OBVIOUSLY some people weren't giggling maniacally but that much should be apparent. But those who WOULD giggle certainly were.

They had party favors, a cake and mounds of presents and were ready to jump Naruto as soon as he opened the door.

"All right, all right!" Ino said in a hushed voice as she tried to get everyone to quiet down. Then she reached over and pressed the doorbell and they all waited.

And waited.

And waited more and more and more.

"Ring it again." Neji commanded because he was impatient, not because he was excited.

So Ino leaned over and rang the doorbell again and hushed everyone since the giggling had begun again.

So they waited.

And waited.

And continued to wait, though nothing exciting happened.

In fact, nothing at all happened.

"Someone try opening the door!" Kurenai whispered.

Since Ino was the closest, she turned the doorknob ever so slightly and opened the door just a tiny bit. It was enough for her to quickly glance around the room and then shrug at the others.

"Open it already." Said Sasuke since he didn't really want to be there anyway.

So Ino opened it all the way, and everyone barged in on Naruto's house when he wasn't home.

"I don't think he's home." Sakura observed as she put the cake down on the table.

"Where would he be?" said Chouji. "I mean, he wouldn't be at that 4th Hokage thing, would he?"

"Naruto never goes to those things." Kiba said.

"Well…this certainly is weird." Said Asuma with a shrug.

"And I was going to give him a fantastic present!" cried Gai and the rest rolled their eyes.

"How dare Naruto do this!" said Ino. "All this stuff wasn't FREE!"

"There's nothing else we can really do…" Tenten sighed.

So they all opened up the front door where they saw Naruto. He was frantically trying to dig a hole in his front yard.

When he heard them open the door, he looked up and shrugged.

"Uh…" he started.

"Hey!" said Kiba. "You were digging that hole so we'd all fall into it! Shino, he was digging that hole so we'd all fall into it!"

"No kidding." Said Shino.

"Do you not remember that Kakashi did that less than a month ago?" Sakura demanded as she smacked him upside the head.

"Yeah, so?" Naruto said as he dropped the shovel. "I thought it was funny when he did it! How was I supposed to know you guys would give up on the fact that I wasn't home so fast?"

"Naruto, get inside right now so we can celebrate your birthday!" Ino commanded.

Naruto lowered his head in shame and went inside and everyone followed.

"First off, I will present you with this gift." Gai said as he handed Naruto a gift.

Naruto took it gleefully and tore it open. He gasped dramatically at the green spandex as if he weren't expecting it and declared that he was going to put it on right now but everyone convinced him to open the rest of his gifts and eat cake first.

There was no way Naruto was going to turn down an opportunity to get gifts and eat food.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Naruto, happy birthday to you!" sang everyone as Naruto blew out the candles and made his wish. Probably something along the lines of being the next Hokage.

"What fun things do you have planned for Naruto's birthday today, Ino?" Asuma asked pleasantly.

"I figured we could play some Truth or Dare." Ino replied.

"Ino, what is it with you and girly games that are unsuitable for the unbalance of testosterone in this group?" Shikamaru said.

"Shut up, Shikamaru!" said Ino. "If you're so smart, what would you play?"

"Well, as males, we generally just play Dare." Said Lee.

"Dare?" said Ino with a raised eyebrow. "Fine, we'll play that."

"We're going to go and…um…go to the bathroom." Said Gai, referring to himself, Asuma and Kurenai.

"All three of you?" Neji said in a bit of a patronizing tone. A bit? Who am I kidding…it was EXTREMELY patronizing.

"YES!" the three teachers yelled as they ran out the door.

Everyone decided to disregard them and sit in a circle.

"I'd much rather have a birthday spar with Sasuke." Said Naruto. "Sasuke, did you get me a birthday spar for my birthday?"

"No," said Sasuke plainly.

"Naruto, since it's your birthday, you get to go first." Said Ino. "You pick someone to ask truth or dare…or, rather, I guess just dare."

"Fine." Said Naruto. "Sasuke! I DARE you to fight me!"

"Can we make a rule against fighting and the like?" Sasuke requested.

"No!" said Naruto.

"Actually, yeah." Said Ino. "Because none of us feel like watching you guys fight!"

"But it's my birthday!" cried Naruto.

"Too bad." Said Sasuke.

Naruto cried a little bit but he eventually moved on with his life. "All right, well I still pick you Sasuke."

"Fine." Said Sasuke.

"I dare you to…hm…" Naruto rubbed his chin thoughtfully, trying to think up the PERFECT way to start this game. "Sasuke, I dare you to cut off all your hair!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Ino and Sakura as they jumped Naruto as if he was doing anything. Sasuke tried to act as though he didn't care about his hair but you know he did.

"Naruto, pick a REASONABLE dare." Said Sakura after she and Ino relaxed.

"Okay, but you guys can't attack me!" whined Naruto.

"Just don't say anything stupid and we won't attack you." Said Ino.

"Do we have to play this game?" Shikamaru complained.

"Shut up!" said Ino. "Naruto, if you don't take your turn now then someone else will go instead!"

"Fine, someone else go!" Naruto pouted, crossing his arms.

"Naruto, come on, don't be like this on your birthday." said Tenten. "Ino, leave him alone! If he wants to cut off all of Sasuke's hair then he should be allowed to."

"TENTEN!" gasped Sakura and Ino. And Sasuke gasped too… ON THE INSIDE.

"I just want to have a birthday spar." Naruto said. "I can't think of anything else besides something that will make Sasuke uglier!"

"Then pick someone besides Sasuke." Said Lee. "I know! You could dare Sakura to kiss me!"

"Ew!" Sakura screamed. "No way!"

"Aha!" Naruto said, hitting his fist into his palm in a manner that suggested he had just had a revelation. "Sakura! I dare you to—"

"And I won't kiss you either!" Sakura said.

"This game is really stupid." Said Shino.

"So are you, Shino." Said Kiba.

"Kiba, I despise you." Shino said flatly.

"Well, I don't despise you Shino." Said Kiba with a nod. "In fact, you're my best friend besides Akamaru. Isn't that great?"

"No." said Shino.

"Well too bad." Said Kiba. "Because no matter what you do, you'll always be my second best buddy!"

"You two!" said Naruto. "This is my birthday! Not time to talk about your crazy love affair!"

"HEY!" Kiba said in the most enraged voice EVER.

Naruto gave a heavy sigh as if he hadn't just insulted two people, one of whom was definitely Shino… and it's never a good idea to insult Shino. "If I can't make Sakura kiss me, make someone fight me or make Sasuke uglier then what's the point of this game?"

"The game itself does not actually have a point." Said Shikamaru.

"Oh gosh!" said Ino, looking at the clock. "It's almost two! I made reservations at the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table. We'll eat there and come back here to play the game some more. Okay?"

"OKAY!" said everyone, including Ino.

They all got up and ran to the door, opened it and then found themselves tumbling down…down…down.

They landed in a heap on the ground and found they were in another hole.

Upon looking up, they caught sight of their four teachers laughing at their expense.

"You're right, Kakashi!" said Gai, slapping his knee. "It is quite hilarious when you're on THIS end!"

"All right, enough with this hole joke!" said Sasuke. "It's getting old!"

"That's only because you haven't seen it from out here." Said Kurenai.

"But while we have your undivided attention, we have a few things to tell you about the month coming up." Asuma said.

"As most of you know, the Chuunin Exam is coming up again on the 20th." Kakashi said. "And we're entering all of you."

"Except for Shikamaru." Asuma added.

The teachers stared at him.

"What?" said Asuma. "It would be ludicrous for Shikamaru to enter the chuunin exam because he's already a chuunin!"

"All right, anyway…" Kakashi said with a chilling glare.

"October is Sexual Education Month!" said Kurenai. "And instead of educating you about sexuality, we're just going to inform you that tomorrow is Coming Out Day, and we will have a big shindig at MY team's training area and we expect you all to come!"

"Coming Out Day?" the students repeated.

"And last but not least." Said Gai. "Asuma's birthday is on the 18th! Naruto, it's YOUR job to plan!"

"No problem!" said Naruto. "It'll be the best birthday ever!"

"Yeah, but no more holes because it's not funny anymore." Said Sasuke.

"It was never funny." Neji said.

The students pulled themselves out of the hole and brushed themselves off. They went off to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table so they could have some good clean barbeque-tastic fun!


	48. Coming Out Day

Chapter 48- Coming Out Day

"Coming Out Day?" Kiba wondered as he strolled with his team to the appointed meeting spot.

"Don't talk about it anymore, Kiba." Said Shino.

"But I don't get it!" Kiba said helplessly. "Coming out of WHAT?"

"Just don't talk about it." Shino urged.

"You're just mad because I broke your arm and now you can't enter the Chuunin exam." Said Kiba.

"Um—Kiba…" Hinata started but she was too late because Shino swung his casted arm around and hit Kiba upside the head with it.

"OW!" Kiba wailed. "You have no reason to be mad! We can't enter it either thanks to you not entering which is actually my fault!"

They rounded the corner (yes, you know those corners that they have in the forest) and found all the kids sitting in desks with their hands folded while the teachers stood in front with posters and pointers.

"TEAM!" screamed Kurenai in a very out of character fashion. "Way to show up late!"

Kiba, Hinata and Shino lowered their heads and sat down in the three empty desks.

"LIKE WE WERE SAYING…" said Asuma as he threw a nasty glare at the late people. He pointed at a picture of a man and a woman holding hands. "Most families consist of a mommy and a daddy and those are the types of families that you all came from."

"But in some cases, there may be two mommies or two daddies…" Gai said as he flipped the poster over to reveal two men holding hands and two women holding hands.

"YES!" cheered Naruto as he jumped up. "I get it! Coming Out Day is the day in which you admit you're gay, so Sasuke can finally come out of the closet!"

"Shut up Naruto!" yelled Sakura and Ino.

"Well, Naruto guessed it." Sighed Kakashi. "So to all of you folks who have been hiding in the closet for years, today is the day to come out."

There was silence for a bit as everyone whistled and twiddled their fingers.

"Okay…" said Kurenai. "Does anyone speculate that another person might need to come out?"

"Sas—" Naruto started but the girls jumped on him while Sasuke just sat there looking cool.

"Anyone else?" said Asuma.

Shino raised his hand and Asuma called on him. "I've been suspecting that Kiba's been in love with me for a little while but I haven't said anything." Shino said.

"What!" demanded Kiba. "Shino, you better be talking about some OTHER person named Kiba!"

"You have to admit, Kiba, you are very clingy." Shino said.

"I am not!" said Kiba.

"Well, for an Aburame you are." Shino said.

"I'm not an Aburame." Said Kiba. "I'm an Inuzuka. And for your information, I'm giving you your DISTANCE!"

"I'd hate to see you not giving me my distance." Shino said.

"Oh come ON!" said Naruto. "If anyone's gay, it's not Kiba! It's Sasuke!"

"Say that again, Naruto." Said Sasuke, standing up and facing Naruto.

"Come on, it's the ONLY thing that makes sense!" said Naruto. "I mean, every girl around likes you but you never show interest in them whatsoever!"

"He's right!" said Sakura, standing up. "The only people he really dignifies with anything were Naruto, Gaara, Lee, Neji, Kakashi…"

"Oh please." Said Sasuke, slapping his forehead.

"It's all right, Sasuke." Said Kakashi. "Today is Coming Out Day."

"Don't worry, Sasuke!" said Ino. "I'll get you to love me whether your gay or not!"

"Do you think maybe you're bisexual?" Sakura asked.

"Really, girls!" said Tenten. "You're still choosing Sasuke over every guy in the world even though he's gay?"

"I'm not gay." Said Sasuke with a glare.

"SASUKE! JESUS!" said Naruto. "It's Coming Out Day! You don't need to pretend anymore!"

Sasuke realized that he would have to fight fire with fire. "Naruto, you certainly caught onto the meaning of Coming Out Day very quickly." Said Sasuke. "I think YOU'RE the gay one."

Everyone gasped and then started whispering.

"IT'S NOT TRUE!" Naruto yelled. "I'm not gay!"

"No wonder no girls like him!" said Lee, but then he gasped again. "Oh no! No girls like me either! Does that mean I'm gay too?"

"Lee, shut up before I punch you." Said Neji.

"Neji, that's homophobic." Said Tenten.

"He's not _actually _gay." Said Neji. "Just, as usual, Lee is getting WAY too into it and because of that he's assuming he has to come out JUST BECAUSE it's Coming Out Day."

Tenten put her hands on her hips and looked at Neji skeptically.

"Neji, I think YOU'RE—"

"Don't YOU start too." Neji interrupted.

"Who else's sexuality are we going to have to question before we're allowed to go home?" Shikamaru said.

"I don't know." Said all the teachers with shrugs.

"While we're on the subject of questioning sexuality, remember about Asuma's birthday on the eighteenth, Sasuke." Said Kakashi.

Everyone stared at him.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Sasuke frowned.

"What?" said Kakashi as if what he said made any sense.

"Shino, have you really been suspecting that I'm in love with you?" Kiba cried.

"No." said Shino. "I'm just hilarious, that's all."

Kiba put his hands on his hips. "Shino, I am really sick of your sense of humor!" he declared.

"Whatever." Said Shino.

"Just for the record everyone, the only gay one around here is Sasuke!" said Naruto. "Unless any of you other guys are gay and just not saying it, but I am SO not one of them!"

Everyone threw tomatoes at him.

"Don't you four have an announcement to make about the upcoming Chuunin exam?" said Neji suddenly to the teachers.

"Oh right!" laughed Gai. "We almost forgot who would be entering on the 20th."

Then there was silence.

"WELL?" demanded all the people who expected they would be entering.

"I nominated you guys." Said Kakashi to his team.

"SCORE!" cheered Naruto. "In your face, anyone who potentially might not have been nominated!"

Everyone rolled their eyes at Naruto and eagerly awaited the other teachers to add their two cents.

"Well, obviously MY team is not nominated." Said Kurenai.

And Shino gave Kiba another hit for good measure.

"SHINO!" complained Kiba, but he deserved it so no one stood up for him.

"Team," said Gai to his students. "Yes… I HAVE NOMINATED YOU!"

"HURRAY!" cheered Lee enthusiastically and Tenten clapped her hands with relief as Neji did that 'YES!' action with his arm but it was IN HIS MIND.

"And uh…" Asuma stuttered because he wanted to be cool. "You guys too! But not you, Shikamaru."

"I know." Said Shikamaru, as well as everyone else.

"We urge you all to get in as much training as possible!" said Kurenai. "Except for my team, of course."

And Shino gave Kiba another thwack.

"There will be other Chuunin exams, Shino!" said Kiba.

"No." said Shino.

"Yes there will be!" Kiba argued.

"ALSO," Gai said. "Halloween is VERY soon! We're going to have a fun costume party so be sure to pick out a wonderful costume! Be as creative as possible because we might end up turning it into a competition, knowing us and all."

"YOU GOT IT!" said everyone as they gave the thumbs up and punched the air.

Then they all started to walk home.

"Are you really gay, Sasuke?" Sakura whispered to him.

Sasuke couldn't control the fist of death anymore. He punched Sakura, and he punched her as far as he could. And you know what? He enjoyed it.


	49. Hunt for Asuma's Birthday

Chapter 49- Hunt for Asuma's Birthday

"It's not fair that just because the others have the privilege of entering the chuunin exam and have to take some time to train that only the four of us have to celebrate Asuma's birthday." said Kiba. "I mean, I hardly even KNOW Asuma!"

"Kiba, that's the sort of thing you say after the fact when Asuma's not standing right in front of you." Shino pointed out.

"YEAH!" said Asuma angrily. "How dare you!"

"If we have to celebrate this party, let's make the best of it." Said Shikamaru. Everyone gasped at Shikamaru's hint of willingness to do ANYTHING. "What? _I _know Asuma."

"I'm the one getting gypped around here because no one's coming to my birthday party." Asuma said.

"We're here, Asuma." Said Kurenai tenderly.

"Thank you." Said Asuma, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Okay, so here we are…" said Gai, looking around. "Naruto said that the party would be waiting for us whenst we arrived but I fail to see it."

"What's that?" Hinata asked as she pointed to an envelope that was resting on a tree trunk.

Kiba ran over to it and picked it up. "It looks like an envelope." He deduced.

"Give me that!" said Asuma as he swiped the envelope away. "My name is on it!"

"Fine." Said Kiba, looking offended.

"All right, let's see here…" said Asuma, opening the envelope as everyone crowded around to read it. "It says…_Happy birthday, Asuma! Since we can't be there to celebrate your party with you, we all got together and created this elaborate scavenger hunt so you have to find your party! This is your first clue:_ _Que tu cuerpo es pa darle Alegria y cosa buena."_

Everyone stood and pondered.

"You know, I could have still entered the chuunin exam." Said Shino but he was ignored.

"What?" Kakashi said finally.

"Is that Spanish?" Kurenai questioned.

"Hang on!" said Gai as he pulled out a Spanish-English dictionary. "I got this as a gift from Lee and I must admit that I thought I would never use it!"

"Then why do you carry it around?" said Shino but he was ignored AGAIN.

Gai flipped through the pages. "Okay, loosely it translates to 'that your body is to give him to Alegria and good thing'."

"Oh good." Said Kakashi. "Because that makes total sense."

"Wait a second…" said Asuma, putting his hand up in the air. "Say… Gai don't you train to music?"

"Why, of course I do!" said Gai proudly.

"Do you have the CD you train to?" Asuma asked.

"I DO!" said Gai as he whipped out a CD.

"I have to agree with Shino on this one…why do you carry all this random stuff around with you?" Shikamaru asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You never know when I might need to train and have music with it!" said Gai as he also pulled out a CD player and turned it on with the CD inside of it. The first track was… THE MACARENA!

Everyone gasped and Gai turned it off.

"What does that mean?" Hinata said meekly.

"I've got it!" Gai yelled. "WE ALL HAVE TO DANCE TO THE MACARENA!"

He turned the CD back on and then started shaking his booty.

Kakashi took the liberty of using the Chidori on the CD player and blowing it up and everyone was thankful for his temporary total intolerance of Gai.

"We have to look underneath the underneath." Kakashi said with a glare at Gai who was busy crying.

"Say, since you're such an expert at looking underneath, Kakashi…" said Asuma. "Won't you solve this riddle for me?"

"Oh very well." Said Kakashi. "What is EVERYONE'S favorite reference to the Macarena?"

Everyone paused.

"I'll give you a hint." Said Kakashi. "It's Neji."

"OH YEAH!" screamed Gai. "Remember when Neji did the Macarena?"

"Yeah!" laughed Kiba. "And we all laughed at him!"

Everyone reminisced, and then they realized that they still didn't know what to do.

"We could try going to the spot where we saw him do the Macarena." Shikamaru suggested in hopes to get things moving along.

"YEAH!" exclaimed everyone. "TO GAI'S TRAINING AREA!"

With that, they all paraded to Gai's training area, expecting to see a grand party for Asuma only to come across a small envelope that looked exactly like the one before.

Asuma opened it up and read the contents out loud, "_Congrats on finding the next clue! You have no idea how many times I listened to that song to get the right words. This is your next clue: Legendary jutsus in darkness with the student becoming the master. Good luck!"_

Asuma folded the letter and put it in his pocket.

"That was the clue?" said Kurenai. Asuma nodded. "Okay, Kakashi, go on."

"Are you kidding?" said Kakashi. "That could be a thousand things."

"Are you saying that looking underneath the underneath… WON'T WORK?" said Gai dramatically.

"Maybe." Said Kakashi.

Everyone fainted… even Kakashi. When they woke up, they decided to figure out another way to solve the riddle.

Finally, Shikamaru let out a heavy sigh and they all looked at him.

"Are you guys telling me that you haven't figured it out yet?" Shikamaru said. "It's SO obvious."

"IT IS?" said everyone else.

"Yeah." Said Shikamaru. "Though, I'm a little disturbed as to how Naruto knows about this…"

"JUST TELL US!" said the group eagerly.

"Okay, just pick the clue apart." Shikamaru began. "'In the darkness' obviously refers to a dark alleyway."

"But there are tons of those in Konoha!" said Asuma… SINCE THERE ARE.

"Let me finish." Said Shikamaru. "It also says 'legendary jutsus' which is a clear reference to the most legendary of all the jutsus…" he led the others to fill in the blank but no one did so he sighed again. "Misumi's Rape no Jutsu technique."

"Oh yeah." Said everyone.

"Well, at one point Misumi taught Temari his techniques and then she consequently became the master of the technique." Said Shikamaru. "The place in which she learned them and became the master was in the Dark Alleyway behind the academy."

"Oh." Said Asuma as he took the note out and read it over. "Wow! That IS so obvious now that I think about it!"

"No it isn't." said Shino as if the unobviousness of it offended him. But he was ignored so it's not like it mattered what offended him.

"You better be right Shikamaru." Said Kakashi. "Because that was the best looking underneath the underneath I have ever seen when it wasn't being done by myself."

"Thanks…I think." Said Shikamaru

They all went to the Dark Alleyway behind the academy and found the next clue! WOW!

"I was kind of hoping there would be another clue because I didn't want my party to be in a Dark Alleyway." Asuma confessed as he opened the note. "_You did it! Here is your second to last clue. This clue will take you to another clue, which will lead you to the party. Here's the clue: You'll probably die when you ask this person for the clue."_

Silence ensued.

"GAARA!" everyone shrieked finally, and then they cheered because they had just had a telepathic moment.

Thankfully Gaara was currently in the village because the Chuunin Exam was only in a few days so they hurried on over to where they just so happen to know where Gaara was training and hid in a bush while he just stood there because when you're Gaara there's not a lot of actual TRAINING you can really do considering you have an ultimate defense and your offense is controlled entirely just by your mind, and perhaps he might lift a hand everyone once and a while and clench it into a fist if he felt like going for the dramatic effect but it is a well known fact that it's completely unnecessary for him to do something so silly, though I suppose if he wants to do it then we should let him and not bother him because he's pretty scary, and just as a side note SO YOU KNOW, Kankuro and Temari were there too and they actually WERE training because unlike Gaara, they do not have the ultimate sand defense so they must train in order to be awesome and be able to beat people like Shino who only wants his rematch against Kankuro and, as the group sat in the bushes and observed the Sand Trio doing their various acts of training, he clenched his fist angrily…just like when Gaara clenches his fist for dramatic effect, except Shino was clenching his fist out of ANGER, not dramatic effect, though it did end up looking rather dramatic.

I don't know about you guys, but I have never seen a cooler, longer or awesomer run-on sentence.

"All right." Said Asuma. "Who wants to go and ask them for the clue?"

They all argued for a bit and pretty soon, the teachers ganged up on Kiba and kicked him out of the bush.

The Sand Trio stared at him.

"Hey guys…" said Kiba nervously as he stood up and brushed his bum off.

"Are you here for the clue?" said Kankuro.

"Um…yeah!" said Kiba with a shrug.

"Take it because we're annoyed with holding it." Said Temari as she flung it at him in a fashion that suggested that she thought her casual flinging was cool. But it wasn't…cause she's TEMARI.

Kiba took the clue back to the group waiting eagerly in the bushes.

"What's it say?" Hinata asked.

"This clue will take me to my party!" Asuma cheered as he tore open the envelope and looked at the paper.

"_FORE!"_

That's all it said.

"IT'S AT THE GOLF COURSE!" Asuma shrieked so loudly.

"YAAAAAY!" cheered everyone as they all sprinted to the Konoha Golf Course that's on top of the Hokage Mountain. Remember? Yes, it DOES exist.

When they arrived, it was decorated all pretty and all the people that worked there were clearly ready for them to get there. There was even a picnic table with food and a cake and presents on it.

"Oh Naruto…" said Asuma as he wiped a tear from his eye. "I wish every birthday could be as special as this one…"

**Um...heys guys. Sorry we were gone for so long...we promise it won't happen again. : (**


	50. Halloween Part 1

Chapter 50- Halloween Part One

"That was the most hilarious idea we have ever come up with!" chuckled Asma.

"Yes!" said Gai. "Forcing our students to take off their Halloween costumes and then choose a new one from the pile at random will make our Halloween experience even more fun than it would have been!"

"Way to say that, Gai." Said Kakashi.

"Excuse me for living!" said Gai.

"By the way everyone, I know it's kind of ludicrous to think that I haven't asked you guys this yet, but how did your students do in the Chuunin exam?" Kurenai asked pleasantly.

"Both Sasuke and Naruto are in the tournament this time around, but not Sakura of course because she's as useful as a log." Said Kakashi.

"Logs can be useful Kakashi." Said Kurenai. "If an enemy is throwing ninja stars at you, you can switch places with a log and the ninja stars would impale the log and not you."

Everyone enjoyed a good laugh at the thought of Sakura getting impaled by numerous sharp objects.

"ANYWAY!" said Gai. "I would like to proudly announce that ALL MY STUDENTS are in the tournament!"

Everyone applauded him, then they looked at Asuma.

"Um…" said Asuma, twiddling his fingers nervously. "WELL, AT LEAST ONE OF MY STUDENTS IS ALREADY A CHUUNIN!"

"Well that's just dandy!" said Kurenai. "Let's take a look at the different costumes we have assigned our students."

"NO!" yelled the men.

"What?" said Kurenai.

"I would much rather it be a surprise!" said Gai. "Just remind me again of who brought which costumes."

"All right." Said Kurenai as she whipped out a clipboard. "Sasuke brought the Spiderman costume, Naruto brought the Darth Vader one and Sakura brought the Sleeping Beauty one. Shikamaru showed up in what we THOUGHT wasn't a costume but then he revealed to us that he was dressed as a genin—"

"That Shikamaru!" said Asuma proudly.

"—Chouji came dressed as Harry Potter and Ino was Belle from Beauty and the Beast." Kurenai continued. "Lee came as the green power ranger, Neji had a scary mask and Tenten was Snow White. Last and far from least was my team… Kiba was a knight, Hinata was Cinderella and Shino dressed up as a character from a video game whose name escapes me…"

"Bluron?" Gai tried.

"No, it was Aurino." Asuma corrected.

"I do believe it was Auron." Kakashi said.

They all shrugged and Gai decided that he was getting bored so he got up to the door where the students were changing and knocked vigorously on it.

"HEY YOU STUDENTS!" he shrieked. "ARE YOU ALMOST DONE?"

"YES!" they all yelled.

"I can't wait to see who's who." Said Kurenai excitedly.

The twelve students emerged.

Spiderman. Darth Vader. Sleeping Beauty. A Genin. Harry Potter. Belle. Someone with a scary mask. A Power Ranger. Snow White. A knight. Cinderella. Auron.

"I'm glad I got this costume." Said the person with the scary mask. "If I had gotten one of the dresses, I probably would have ripped it."

"Well, aren't you just the lucky one?" said Belle.

"Oh, this is SO precious!" said Kurenai.

"Don't call me precious!" said Belle angrily.

"I can't believe you even put it on." The Power Ranger commented.

"They said we had to!" Belle pouted.

"I don't know." Said Cinderella. "Dresses are surprisingly comfortable. I don't know why girls are always complaining."

Everyone slapped their foreheads, considering that the Cinderella was likely enjoying the situation.

"I don't like other people wearing my costume." Harry Potter glared at Spiderman.

"You should have known our teachers would do something psychotic like this." Said Spiderman.

The knight walked over to the genin. "Well." The knight said. "That certainly is either hilariously ironic or cruelly ironic."

"Don't talk to me." Said the genin.

"Um…sorry…" said Auron to the genin.

"This is so lame!" whined Darth Vader. "I bought a pretty dress for this party and now I'm stuck wearing this stupid thing!" Darth Vader WOULD have dropped to his/her knees and shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" oh so dramatically… but sadly it didn't happen.

"I have no emotional attachment to Sleeping Beauty." Said Sleeping Beauty.

"And I personally HATE Snow White!" said Snow White.

"Hey!" said Sleeping Beauty. "Don't diss Snow White!"

"Can we get whatever torture we're going to have to endure over with?" the power ranger requested of the teachers.

"Why CERTAINLY!" said Gai excitedly. "Since we're ninjas and all, we're going to have a SERIES OF BATTLES!"

Everyone stared at him.

"What?" said Spiderman in a tone of disbelief.

"Except, you have to fight as the person you are dressed up as." Kurenai added.

"Good idea, Kurenai!" said Asuma.

"I know." Said Kurenai pompously.

"But what if the character you're dressed up as doesn't happen to ever fight?" Belle asked.

"Then you have to be creative." Said Kakashi.

"Here we go!" said Gai as he spun around with a giant poster that he had just made in the five seconds between when he stated there would be a series of battles and now.

"Step right up and see who you shall battle!" said Kurenai.

"The first fight is between Aurino and Belle!" Asuma announced.

"It's AURON." Said the genin in a surprisingly irritable tone.

"Right…" said Asuma hesitantly.

"Will the two combatants please step forward?" asked Kakashi as Belle and Auron took their places on the battlefield.

"Um…do you feel awkward wearing that dress?" Auron asked of Belle.

"A little." Said Belle.

"He's probably used to it!" chimed the knight. "He gets dressed up as a girl by his sister all the time!"

"You promised you'd never tell anyone that!" Belle said angrily, but the knight only laughed at Belle's expense.

"Let the fight BEGIN!" yelled Gai because he was bored.

"I'll start!" said Auron, sounding somewhat excited as s/he pulled out the giant plastic sword that was obviously store bought.

Belle just kind of stood there like a moron. "I can't do anything!" he said finally. "Just use the power of love and kindness to turn a best back to a man! Though I don't know what good that would do me right now."

"BE CREATIVE!" screamed the teachers.

Belle looked around the room and then grabbed a candlestick that just so happened to be sitting there.

"On guard!" he yelled.

This made Auron cower in fear.

"I don't _really _want to fight!" Auron said.

Everyone slapped their foreheads.

But within a few minutes, everyone coaxed Auron back into the spirit of battle. Soon, Auron and Belle were engaged in a sword/candlestick fight. Of course, only a few swings went by before Belle tripped over his costume and went tumbling to the ground.

Auron did not seize the opportunity though, and instead tumbled right down with the fair princess. As the two of them lied there in a heap, the knight came running up.

"GET A ROOM!" he yelled and then chuckled warmly at his funny.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Belle as he jumped to his feet.

"How precious!" said Kurenai with a dreamy sigh.

"I'm NOT precious!" rampaged Belle.

Auron stood up as well and adjusted his/her sunglasses.

"I have just looked underneath the underneath." Said Kakashi suddenly as he pointed his finger up in the air.

Everyone looked at him quizzically.

"What?" they said finally.

"I have realized that in a battle between Auron and Belle, there is no possible way Belle would even rise triumphant." He said.

"…And?" everyone said curiously.

"And therefore, Auron is the winner." Kakashi decided.

"YAAAAAAAY!" cheered the crowd.

"Wait!" argued Belle.

"Don't argue, just get out of the way for the next fight so we can get this over with faster." Said Harry Potter.

"Fine." Pouted Belle.

"The next fight is between Cinderella and Darth Vader!" said Asuma.

"Great…" said the power ranger, rolling his eyes. "Another guy in drag."

"It's not drag!" yelled Cinderella. "It is a costume and therefore it's okay!"

"Whatever you say." Said the power ranger.

"I wish _I _was wearing that costume…" said Darth Vader woefully as the mask was applied. And s/he also whipped out his/her lightsaber, which was also a store bought thing THAT MADE REALISTIC WOOSHING NOISES! YES!

"Even though I am merely a Disney princess, I will do my best to defeat the evil overlord of the dark side of the force!" Cinderella said ambitiously.

"Wait a second…" said Kakashi slowly. "I think I just looked underneath the underneath again…"

"NAY!" yelled Cinderella. "Darth Vader and I shall have our battle whether you have looked underneath the underneath or not!"

"That's the spirit!" said Gai as tears streamed from his eyes.

"Um…" said Darth Vader slowly.

"Let us battle!" yelled Cinderella.

Cinderella and Darth Vader began their battle, just as Cinderella requested. However, as Cinderella began to use mad taijutsu skillz, Darth Vader complained so the teachers mutually came the conclusion that Cinderella demonstrated no such abilities in all versions of the movie. So, although it pain Cinderella oh so much, Darth Vader clearly had the advantage and only had to tap Cinderella's head with the realistic-ish lightsaber (I suppose as realistic as a lightsaber can be in this day and age) before Darth Vader was declared the victor!

That paragraph COULD have been an awesome run-on, but we instead decided to just make it a paragraph with THREE sentences! WOW! Hm… when it's a NON run-on, it just doesn't seem as cool. And that's probably because it's not.

ANYWAY!

"The next battle will be between our genin friend and Harry Potter." Said Gai as he pinched the cheeks of the one dressed as the genin, but the previously mentioned student just punched Gai in response. "ALAS!" shrieked Gai. "What is this world coming to when a student punches his teacher?"

"You're not my teacher." Said the genin.

"Can we just hurry this up?" complained Spiderman, sounding slightly whiny.

"ACTION!" said Asuma as he pulled out a directions smashing thing and performed its duty. If that makes any sense at all.

"Obviously," started Harry Potter. "As a genin, you would lose."

"To Harry Potter?" said the genin.

"Yes." Said Harry Potter.

"I don't think so." Said the genin.

"Then I guess this will be an all-out battle." Said Harry Potter.

"Good." Said the genin. "Because I'm not backing out."

"Neither am I."

"Well neither am I."

"Well neither am I."

The two glared at each other.

"Guys, I think this might take a while." Said Kakashi.

"Let's get out of here." Said the one with the scary mask.

Everyone who wasn't the genin or Harry Potter grabbed pillow cases and exited the house in which they were in that shall not be specified. Harry Potter and the genin engaged in mortal combat as the rest of the folk trick-or-treated around the block a few times.

Whence they returned, they found both Harry Potter and the genin collapsed into heaps on the ground.

"It seems as though it is a draw." Said Kakashi, trying to sound mysterious.

"It's NOT a draw…" they both wheezed.

"OH WOE!" cried everyone as they grabbed their pillowcases again and took off for some more wholesome trick-or-treating.

Whence they returned a second time, there was both the genin and Harry Potter were steaming heaps on the ground.

"You know…" said Kurenai. "I get the feeling that our student clad in the Harry Potter costume did not fight solely with skills from Harry Potter."

"Yes." Said Asuma. "I believe this calls for immediate ejection of Harry Potter."

"Pft." Said the knight. "So much for the boy who lived."

"Who fights next?" said Spiderman.

"Well, we have finished half of our battles, and therefore there are three more we must do." Said Kakashi.

"Very good Kakashi." Said Kurenai.

"Hey." Said Kakashi.

"And we will complete them after these short messages!" said Gai.


	51. Intermission

Chapter 51- Intermission

**(This chapter is totally random from the story line and is completely irrelevant to the previous chapter and the one after it. It's just for fun! YAY!)**

The eight male students decided they wanted to play a game of Trivial Pursuit. So they did.

"Let's pick teams!" said Lee. "Naruto and Sasuke can be captains simply because they happened to be the first people I looked at. And…Naruto, you pick first because your name comes first in the alphabet!"

Everyone was going to tell Lee to shut up because he wasn't the boss of them, but then they figured it was a good enough idea so they'd just deal with it.

"Fine." Said Naruto. "I pick Kiba."

"All right!" cheered Kiba. "First picked! I rule!"

"Heh." Said Sasuke smugly. "Anyone can see that in a game of Trivial Pursuit, the most ideal person to have on your team would be Shikamaru."

Naruto put his finger up to argue but then he realized that he picked the wrong person.

"KIBA!" yelled Naruto. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

"Because I'M the most ideal person to have on your team in a game of Trivial Pursuit!" Kiba argued. And he probably believed it.

"So I pick Shikamaru." Sasuke concluded.

"FINE!" said Naruto. "Then I pick…um…Neji!"

"Why?" said Sasuke with a raised eyebrow.

"Because he's the next smartest!" Naruto answered with a nod.

Shino's eye twitched (but no one saw) and Neji was obviously thinking that he was BY FAR the smartest. Even smarter than Shikamaru. He's just disillusioned that way, I guess.

So, after a quick scan of the people that were leftover, Sasuke finally picked Shino.

"Our team is going to do so much better." Said Sasuke.

"That's not true!" said Naruto angrily. "We pick Lee next!"

"HURRAY!" cheered Lee.

"I'm always last." Cried Chouji as he went to Sasuke's team.

"Why do I always end up with all the annoying people on my team?" Neji sighed to himself. Though everyone heard him. But it's not like he cared.

"All right, since you got to pick first, we get to go first." Said Sasuke.

"No!" Said Naruto. "That's not fair!"

"Just let him go first, Naruto." Said Neji, looking overly annoyed far too quickly. Naruto grumbled and groaned but allowed them to go first.

"Let's just play without the pieces and just ask each other the questions." Said Chouji. Since no one really knows how to play Trivial Pursuit anyway, they just decided to go along with that.

"Who will answer the first question from this team?" said Kiba to the Sasuke Team.

"Shikamaru." Said everyone.

"I am always abused." Shikamaru said sadly.

"All right, Shikamaru, here's your question!" said Naruto, picking up one of the cards. "When is Harry Potter's birthday?"

Shikamaru sat there for a minute. "Wait…you're serious?" he said.

"Yeah!" said Naruto.

"I don't know anything about Harry Potter…" Shikamaru frowned.

"WHAT?" demanded Shikamaru's team.

"Do you need a hint?" Lee asked.

"No!" yelled Kiba. "No hints!"

"I'll give you a hint!" said Lee. "It's some day in the '30's."

"Be quiet!" yelled Kiba.

"Let's see…" said Shikamaru, scratching his chin. "So it's either the 30th or the 31st, so clearly it is not in February. What season is it in?"

"We're not giving anymore hints!" said Naruto.

"Summer!" said Lee.

"Shut up!" yelled Naruto and Kiba as they jumped on Lee.

"June, July or August…" Shikamaru pondered.

"Another hint!" said Lee. "The month starts with a J!"

"STOP GIVING HINTS!" yelled Kiba irrationally.

Chouji tapped Shikamaru on the shoulder while Kiba and Naruto were distracted with shutting Lee up. "July 31st." he whispered.

"Oh." Said Shikamaru, sitting up and clearing his throat. "Harry Potter's birthday is July 31st."

Neji raised his eyebrow because he saw them cheat. He looked at his team that finally let go of Lee and collected themselves. He was going to bring up the horrible cheating, but then he realized that he was playing Trivial Pursuit and it didn't really matter all that much.

"Congratulations, Shikamaru!" said Lee, clapping his hands. "You get one hundred points!"

"You practically gave him the answer to that one!" Kiba yelled. "We should get half those points!"

"No way." Said Sasuke since it mattered to HIM.

"Who's going to be answering the question from your team?" said Chouji.

"Uh…Neji, you!" Naruto decided.

"Fine." Neji said as if it was painful.

"Okay," said Sasuke, picking up the card. "What is the motto of Hogwarts from Harry Potter?"

"WHAT?" demanded Kiba, practically pushing Neji out of the way. "That's not fair! That's impossible! Nobody knows that! You have to give Neji a hint! We gave you guys hints so you have to too!"

"No we don't." said Shino. "You guys CHOSE to give us hints."

"But that's not fair!" complained Kiba as if it was HIM answering the question.

"Well…if they don't WANT to, we certainly can't force them to!" said Lee. "Even though it really would be nice of Sasuke to give us a little help considering the difficulty of the question."

"YEAH Sasuke." Said Naruto, slamming his fist down on the table.

"Will you all just relax for a second?" said Neji as he reached for the Trivial Pursuit box and held it up. "Look, we're playing Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit."

Everyone leaned over and looked at the box.

"Oh." They all said in unison as they sat back down.

"Who picked this out?" said Neji in an accusatory tone as he looked at Lee.

"Don't look at me." Said Lee, scoffing.

"I did." Said Chouji. "I saw the movie last week so I figured I'd have an unfair advantage over everyone and maybe I'd win at something."

No one could be mad at Chouji because they felt bad for him.

"Don't be upset, Chouji." Said Shikamaru, patting Chouji on the back. "If any of us knew anything about Harry Potter, we would definitely play this game with you."

"Gee, thanks Shikamaru!" said Chouji.

"Who could possibly think up all these questions about one thing?" Kiba wondered, looking at the gigantic stack of questions.

"I'm gonna go get some ice cream!" declared Lee randomly as he stood up.

"I'll come!" Chouji said.

"I guess I will too." Shrugged Shikamaru.

"Me and Akamaru too!" said Kiba. "Come on, Shino, you're coming too whether you like it or not!"

"Whatever." Said Shino.

"Don't leave me out!" commanded Naruto.

"Well, I won't turn down an opportunity to get ice cream." Shrugged Sasuke.

They all stared at Neji.

"No offense, Neji, but eight's a crowd." Said Naruto.

"I hate ice cream anyway!" said Neji.

"Oh Neji, you hate EVERYTHING!" chuckled Lee as he wiped a tear from his eye. And, to make himself feel better, Neji gentle fisted Lee back into Halloween.


	52. Halloween Part 2

Chapter 52- Halloween Part 2

"Okay so anyway…" Gai continued. "We're back."

"Before we move into the final battles, we'll talk a little bit about what we expect come November." Kurenai said.

"Yes!" said Asuma. "And, since Kakashi is SO good at explaining, he shall do the honors!"

Kakashi cleared his throat. "As you all know, November is the second to last month of the year—"

"HURRAY!" cheered everyone.

Kakashi cleared his throat again. "As I was saying…" he continued. "As you probably DON'T know, November is also National Adoption Month."

"Why are there so many months that celebrate my parentless state?" the knight demanded.

"Sh," said Kakashi.

"The Chuunin exam also takes place on November 20th." Spiderman made sure to point out.

"I was getting to that." Kakashi said with a glare. "But the first order of business has everything to do with National Adoption Month, which we will celebrate on the 2nd."

"What sort of torture are we orphans going to be forced to deal endure?" Harry Potter said. (how ironic!)

"Oh, don't be so negative!" said Kurenai.

"How can we put a positive spin on this subject?" Asuma pondered, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Well, keep in mind that it's National ADOPTION Month, not National ORPHAN Month, if that's any consolation!" cheered Gai.

"But you don't have to think about that until the 2nd." Said Kakashi.

"That's only a day from now." The power ranger pointed out.

"SHUSH!" said all the teachers.

"The 8th of November is also Remember the Uchihas Day." Kakashi continued.

"Do we REALLY have to celebrate that?" whined the knight.

"Shut up!" snapped Darth Vader and Snow White.

"Well, we weren't even aware of this holiday until Sasuke filled us in!" admitted Asuma.

"What a crime…" the power ranger sighed under his breath.

"Should we give away any more of the month?" asked Gai.

"Why not?" said Kakashi. "The 18th is Yankee Swap Day, which we'll explain more when that time comes. And then the 24th is—"

"THANKSGIVING!" interrupted the one with the scary mask.

There was a slight pause.

"What?" said the one with the scary mask. "I like Thanksgiving."

"Good to know." Said Kakashi with a raised eyebrow, but it was the eyebrow that was COVERED so nobody knew that he did it, except for you and me of course. And that's all that's important, isn't it?

"And finally…" said Kurenai. "We have a birthday on November 27th!"

"Lee, that's you!" said Gai.

"YAY!" cheered Cinderella. (Okay, okay, so we totally just gave that one away. But you all knew it was him anyway.)

"Whose job is it do plan this party…?" said Asuma absentmindedly. "Oh right! It's me! Teehee!"

"Ew, Asuma…did you just say 'teehee'?" said Snow White, looking disgusted.

"Yeah…so?" said Asuma.

"Nothing." Said Snow White. "Never mind."

"It sounds like we have a really fantastic month ahead of us." Said the genin. And no one knew if he was serious or not.

"Can we get these fights over with?" said Belle. "It's getting late and my mom wants me home by a certain time."

Everyone took turns making fun of Belle before decided that they really did have to proceed.

"The next fight shall be between the knight and the power ranger." Said Kakashi anticlimactically. In fact, it was SO anticlimactic, that no one even really knew he had just announced the battle.

"Wait, sorry, say that again?" said Sleeping Beauty.

"The knight will fight the power ranger." Kakashi repeated with limited enthusiasm.

"OKAY!" cheered everyone as the knight and the power ranger took center stage.

"I WILL WIN!" the knight practically screamed as he whipped out his knight's sword that looked like it was home made out of cardboard and tinfoil.

"Be careful with that!" fretted Belle. "That took forever to make!"

"And uh…yeah." Said the power ranger almost as unenthusiastically as Kakashi had earlier. "I'm willing to give you the win. I really don't care, and I want to go home too."

"No way!" said the knight. "No throwing the fight!"

"Yeah, and besides, a power ranger would definitely win in a fight against a knight." Said the genin.

Belle stared at him.

"What?" said the genin, annoyed with Belle's staring.

"Nothing." Belle replied. "You watch Power Rangers, don't you?"

"I USED to." Said the genin.

"It's okay to admit that you still do." Said Belle.

"Just because you act like you're still a child doesn't mean everyone else does too." Said the genin.

"When did I ever say that _I _still watched Power Rangers?" demanded Belle.

"When did I?" the genin pointed out.

"Never mind." Said Belle. "You're no fun at all. Ever."

"Yay me." Said the genin.

"ARE WE PAYING ATTENTION?" demanded Gai as he smacked both Belle and the genin upside the head to force them to pay attention to the battle, which was actually just the knight swinging his sword around blindly while the power ranger ducked. Even though it was only a fake cardboard sword, it was quite clear that the power ranger didn't want to be swatted with it.

Finally, the power ranger grabbed the sword and stuck it under his arm.

"You got me." He said, pointing as if he had just been stabbed with the sword though it was OBVIOUS that he hadn't been. "I'm dead."

"Hey!" said the knight angrily. "That doesn't count!"

"THE KNIGHT WINS!" screamed Asuma since he had zoned out and come back in to see that the knight was in a winning situation.

"But that's not fair!" said the knight. "I wanted a glorious battle!"

"Too bad." Said the power ranger, handing the knight back his sword. "Only two more fights…"

"I'm disappointed with the remaining competition…" said Spiderman woefully as he looked at Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and the one with the scary mask.

"I resent that!" said Sleeping Beauty. "I hope I'm fighting you so I can show you a thing or two."

"Um…okay…you can…TRY…" said Spiderman.

"Well, the next battle will be between the Scary Mask and Snow White!" said Gai.

"Worst battle ever." Said Harry Potter AS IF HE KNEW.

"Hey!" said the one with the scary mask and Snow White.

"HA!" said Sleeping Beauty, pointing at Spiderman. "I get to fight you!"

"Why is that a good thing from your point of view?" said Spiderman.

"Shut up!" said Sleeping Beauty.

"So…" said Kakashi, urging the one with the scary mask and Snow White onto the appointed battlefield.

"The only thing Snow White does is cook and clean and scream helplessly!" complained Snow White.

"And I'm just a guy with a scary mask." Shrugged the one with the scary mask.

"Maybe you were right about this being the worst battle ever." The knight whispered to Harry Potter.

"Of course I was right." Said Harry Potter.

"All right then, that's enough of that." Said Asuma, giving them both a punt. "The final battle!"

"Hey, we don't even get a chance to try?" said the one with the scary mask.

"You both said that your battle was going to be bad." Kurenai reminded them. They couldn't disagree so they finally retreated back to where everyone else was just chilling and eating candy.

"The last battle is between Spiderman and Sleeping Beauty!" said Gai.

"Remember, even though I could easily beat you if we were fighting as ninjas…" Spiderman began. "You have to fight like Sleeping Beauty would fight."

"What?" demanded Sleeping Beauty. "She slept throughout the whole movie! I can't do anything else!"

"That's not true." Said Cinderella. "You can walk once upon a dream."

"I'm going to punch you." Sleeping Beauty threatened Cinderella.

"You WOULDN'T!" gasped Cinderella.

"If you refuse to fight as Sleeping Beauty or find that you are unable to fulfill your duties as Sleeping Beauty then just back out of the fight now because we don't feel like watching you struggle." Said Kakashi.

Sleeping Beauty wanted to argue but she couldn't. "Fine!" she said, turning to Spiderman. "But you and me are fighting tomorrow, got it?"

"Whatever." Said Spiderman.

"Can we change out of these costumes now?" Belle asked.

"Why not?" Said the teachers.

Everyone cheered and ran into the other room so they could change. The boys and girls separated OF COURSE.

"It's so good to get this off!" said Kiba as he pulled off his Belle costume and threw it on the ground.

"I don't think Ino would appreciate it if you threw her costume on the ground." Said Shikamaru, getting the last of his green power ranger costume off.

"I'm so happy to have this back!" said Lee, making a dive for his costume but accidentally tripped over the Cinderella one instead.

"Lee, take that dress off RIGHT NOW." Said Neji as he tore Lee's plastic Cinderella crown off.

"Neji…that's so mean!" cried Lee, and then he looked at the neatly folded Spiderman costume in the corner. "And how did you get out of your costume so fast?"

"I didn't want to wear it anymore." Neji said.

"Personally, I'm offended that the teachers made us switch costumes." Sasuke said as he smudged his lightning bolt scar off his forehead. "I bought that Spiderman costume so I could be Spiderman. Not so Neji could be Spiderman."

Neji stared at him.

"Okay." He said finally.

"Here you go Neji." Said Chouji, handing the scary mask to Neji and then taking the Harry Potter costume from Sasuke. "I'll see you guys later then?"

"I guess." Shrugged Sasuke.

"Naruto, hurry up and finish taking off my costume!" Kiba yelled angrily.

"Stop staring at me!" said Naruto. "It's annoying me!"

"You're taking forever!" Kiba argued.

"That's because you're staring at me!" Naruto yelled.

While all that screaming was occurring, Shino calmly approached Shikamaru. They stared at each other and then sighed.

"Sorry, Shino." Said Shikamaru. "The truth was, I didn't really even bring a costume and I took my Chuunin vest off and threw it in the bushes in front of this house that shall not be named."

"It's okay." Said Shino. "At least I didn't have to wear a stupid costume."

"Do you want me to take the Belle costume to the girls, Kiba?" Lee asked. "I have to return the Cinderella one anyway."

"Sure." Said Kiba.

"And I'll retrieve everyone's costumes that were worn by females!" Lee announced as he marched off into the other room and strolled in as if there weren't women changing. They all threw lamps at him and screamed so Lee retreated and patiently waited for them to finish.

"Stupid Lee!" said Sakura as she finally finished with the seven-piece store bought Darth Vader costume and stuffed it in a bag. "He did that on purpose!"

"You could at least fold it, Sakura." Tenten raised an eyebrow as she handed Sakura her folded Sleeping Beauty costume.

"It's just NARUTO." Said Sakura.

"Oh, in THAT case…" Tenten said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

"Here's your costume too, Tenten." Said Ino, giving Tenten the Snow White costume.

"Thanks!" said Tenten.

"I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to fight though…" sighed Ino.

"Me too!" said Tenten. "But me and Neji are going to fight tomorrow."

"Uh…huh…" Ino said slowly. "Hey Hinata, are you done?"

"Yes." Said Hinata. "I'm going to return this to Shino. Sakura, do you want me to take that costume to Naruto?"

"Sure!" said Sakura as she handed over the Darth Vader costume. Hinata walked outside the room to find Lee, and they exchanged the costumes they were holding so Hinata turned right back around and reentered with the Belle and Cinderella costumes as Lee returned to the males with the Darth Vader and Auron costumes.

There was much rejoicing as everyone departed as TEAMS of course!

"My mom is going to be mad at me for getting my vest all messy…" Shikamaru whined as he brushed his dirty vest off.

"Well, that's no one's fault but your own." Said Ino. "If you hadn't been so lazy and gotten yourself a costume then—"

"Ino, it's late." Said Shikamaru. "I don't feel like dealing with you calling me lazy."

"Of course you don't feel like it!" Ino said. "You're too LAZY!"

"One of these days Ino…" Shikamaru shook his fist. "One of these days…"

"Oh you two." Chuckled Chouji.

"Chouji, where's all your candy?" Shikamaru said skeptically.

"I ate it all." Chouji replied as if it were obvious. BUT IT WAS.

"Oh." Said Shikamaru. "You want mine? There's no way I'll eat all this."

"Yeah!" said Chouji. "Is that a trick question?"

"Here, take mine too." Said Ino. "Just so I don't eat it. I don't need it. Then again, it's not like you need it either…"

Chouji didn't listen. He just took the candy.

Meanwhile…

"Does anyone know the time?" Hinata asked.

"I dunno… probably almost eleven." Kiba replied.

Hinata gasped. "I promised my dad that I'd be home by ten!"

"It was a wild guess on my part." Said Kiba.

"It's five of eleven." Said Shino, looking at his watch.

"Shino, shut up!" said Kiba. "I hate you!"

Shino blinked a few times.

Then Kiba laughed. "Just kidding Shino!" he said. "You should have seen your face! Man, that was awesome."

Shino tried not to look too disappointed.

"Do you guys mind if I go home first?" Hinata asked as if they DIDN'T always drop her off first. They shrugged and said they didn't mind and so they moved onward to the dwelling of the Hyuugas!

"Don't forget to say Rabbit Rabbit when you wake up tomorrow morning!" Kiba called to Hinata.

"Okay!" Hinata waved to them and then ran inside.

"What does Rabbit Rabbit mean?" Shino asked Kiba as they walked towards their own domains.

"It'll give you good luck all month if that's the first thing you say when you wake up in the morning." Said Kiba.

"That's not true." Said Shino.

"Shino, why do you always have to be the rain on my parade?" Kiba said, crossing his arms.

"You're just lucky I guess." Said Shino.

Meanwhile…

"I'm kind of excited for the holidays that are lined up for November!" Naruto said. "Except for that stupid Remember the Uchihas Day. That sounds dumb."

"Naruto…" Sakura started.

"Sakura, just because YOU'RE afraid to touch that subject with a forty foot pole, doesn't mean that _I _am!" said Naruto. "In fact, I thrive on annoying Sasuke!"

"You're not annoying me, Naruto." Said Sasuke.

"What?" said Naruto, looking hurt. "Yes I am! You're lying!"

"I'm not lying." Said Sasuke. "I really don't care that you're mocking the deadly tragedy in my family that traumatized me for my entire life."

"Oh." Said Naruto, getting depressed. "That's not fair…"

He sniffled a little bit and then parted ways with his two teammates.

"Sasuke, are you really over it?" Sakura asked, in awe.

"Sakura…" said Sasuke with a sigh. "Don't make me smack you around."

"Huh?"

"I _will _hurt you." Sasuke said.

"Oh…" Sakura backed away. "Oh look! Here's my house!"

And with that, Sakura ran into a bush.

Meanwhile…

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's ner—" Lee sang loudly and enthusiastically, but Neji grabbing his collar and pulling him over promptly silenced him.

"Shut up." He said. "You're getting on my nerves."

"Haha!" said Lee. "I know! That's the point of the song! Isn't it great?"

Neji let go of Lee and mumbled something under his breath that sounded remarkably like, "Why me?"

"Don't forget, Neji, you promised you'd fight me." Tenten reminded him.

"What are you talking about?" said Neji. "You blindly challenged me to a fight and I never said anything about it."

"Well be a man and accept my challenge!" said Tenten.

"Are you doubting my manhood?" Neji inquired in a very serious tone even though what he was saying was comical.

"You DO look kind of feminine, Neji." Lee nodded.

"Lee, I swear, if you say anything else that even remotely irritates me then I'll gentle fist you into next _year._"

Lee gasped. "So I could be the same age as my darling Sakura!" he exclaimed.

That was Neji's boiling over point. You can imagine what might have happened next.


	53. National Adoption Month

Chapter 53- National Adoption Month

All the students were pretty hardened to most of the random holidays they were being forced to celebrate. But nothing… NOTHING could have prepared them for what they were about to face.

"Happy National Adoption Month everyone!" Kurenai cheered excitedly as all the students gathered round.

"I want to announce straight away that I object to this holiday!" Naruto said.

"Your complaint will be noted and evaluated later." Kakashi said.

"What's the point of evaluating it later?" asked Naruto. "The holiday will be over before you evaluate!"

"And that is the point." Kakashi said, patting his padawan on the head.

"Now, to make this holiday work, we're going to hand out these papers and we would like you fill them out in the most honest and truthful way possible." Asuma said as he handed each student, save Naruto, Neji and Sasuke, a piece of paper and a pencil.

"A questionnaire all about our family life?" Shikamaru said with a raised eyebrow.

"Be totally truthful!" Asuma warned.

"And what exactly are we supposed to do?" Neji said, referring to himself, Naruto and Sasuke of course.

"You get to hang out with me!" said Gai as he grabbed the three aforementioned students and ran off to the closest theme park.

"That's not fair!" complained Kiba. "Just because they don't have parents they get to go to a theme park…"

"Kiba…" Hinata said, legitimately feeling bad for him.

"May I inquire as to the point of these questionnaires?" Sakura asked, raising her hand.

"Hm…" the three remaining teachers looked at each other.

"The others would greatly discourage me from revealing this information to you at this present time—" Asuma began.

"No, we don't really care." Kurenai shrugged.

"_I _care." Said Kakashi.

"Well too bad." Said Kurenai.

"Well, KAKASHI would greatly discourage me from revealing this information to you at this present time." Asuma corrected himself.

"I was just kidding before. I don't REALLY care." Said Kakashi, and he came awfully close to chuckling.

"Well… MAYBE Gai would greatly discourage me from revealing this information to you at this present time." Asuma decided.

He looked at the other two who approved.

"So," Asuma clapped his hands together. "Where to begin?"

"Essentially, we're testing each of your family's compatibility with those other three." Kakashi said.

"I WAS GOING TO SAY IT!" cried Asuma

"You weren't saying it fast enough." Kakashi said.

"And why are we testing compatibility?" Lee questioned.

"Because over the next three days, each of your families are going to get a chance to adopt either Neji, Sasuke or Naruto for one fun filled day!" said Kurenai.

"Uh…" said the remaining nine students in a very unintelligent fashion.

"Do _they _know about this?" Chouji whispered in a very concerned tone.

The teachers only laughed and then cleared their throats.

"OH don't be silly!" said Asuma. "Now hurry and finish your questionnaires so we can get to the sorting!"

Everyone looked at each other uneasily and hesitantly continued with their questionnaires until they were totally complete. The teachers collected the papers and began reading them carefully.

"Shino…" said Kurenai. "In response to 'daily family activities', your wrote, 'No'. 'No' is not a response to this question."

"I meant to write 'none' but my pen ran out of ink." Shino said.

"Oohhh…" said Kurenai with a nod.

"Tenten!" said Asuma. "I didn't know you had five sisters. And I also didn't know you actually had a house and had parents! And I also didn't know that your last name is—"

"There's a lot people don't know about me, okay?" Tenten interrupted.

"Well," said Kakashi. "After extensive deliberation and even a little looking underneath the underneath on my part…"

"Kakashi, I looked underneath the underneath too." Kurenai reminded.

"Oh yes, that's right." Said Kakashi. "Kurenai and I both looked underneath the underneath but Asuma didn't."

"I TRIED!" whined Asuma.

"Get on with it!" said an impatient person who hasn't gotten to say something yet.

"We have decided who gets to adopt who." Kakashi said. "Each family will have one day with their appointed person, and three families get one person. Does everyone understand?"

"Just tell us who we got!" yelled another angry person who hasn't said anything yet.

"All right…" said Kurenai. "Naruto's most compatible families are… Hinata, Shikamaru and Shino!"

Everyone paused.

"Wait…" said Shikamaru. "Did you say 'most compatible' or most 'incompatible'?"

"Most compatible." Said Kurenai.

"Oh." Said Shikamaru. "I want to see your reasoning for that."

"How's it feel to want?" snapped Kurenai.

"That doesn't make any sense." Said Shino. "Your reasoning is flawed and illogical."

"You don't even know what our reasoning is." Said Asuma.

"Well, if your reasoning involves putting Naruto in my household because you think he is compatible with my father and me, then surely your reasoning is flawed and illogical." Shino deducted.

"Haha…maybe your mom will come back from the grocery store too!" said Kiba.

Shino turned around and punched Kiba in the face.

"Ow!" whined Kiba. "But… that didn't really hurt as much as it used to when you had a cast on!"

"I think that Kiba would be more compatible with Naruto…" Hinata confessed.

"Yeah." Said Kiba. "Yet…he's spending the day with my two teammates. How strange."

"Oh!" Sakura said suddenly. "I might have Sasuke staying an entire day at my house!"

"Way to turn the situation around and make it about yourself!" said Ino.

"You're just jealous because I'll definitely get to adopt Sasuke!" said Sakura.

"Do you all want to fight about it or do you want us to finish announcing?" said Kakashi, looking annoyed.

"Announce!" said everyone.

"The people who get to spend time with Sasuke are…" said Asuma, pausing for the dramatic effect. "Chouji, Lee and Ino!"

"YES!" cheered Ino. "In your face, but especially your big forehead!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sakura yelled as she dropped to her knees like Darth Vader like she should have done in the Halloween chapter.

"Which means Tenten, Sakura and Kiba adopt Neji." Shikamaru said. "Yes. I think you guys picked these randomly and just had us fill out the questionnaires because you're psychotic."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" said the teachers.

"What's not true?" said Shikamaru. "The psychotic bit or the picking the names randomly?"

"Both of them!" said Asuma.

"Does anyone want to trade Neji for anyone else in the world?" Kiba asked.

"If you guys thought about it for one second, obviously Naruto would get Chouji, Lee and Kiba," Shikamaru went on and on. "And Sasuke would get Hinata, Ino and Sakura while Neji has Shino, Tenten and—" he paused a moment. "Wait… then I'D be stuck with Neji…"

"Our word is FINAL!" said Kurenai adamantly.

"I don't want to adopt Neji!" complained Kiba.

"Let's clarify something right now." Said Kakashi. "YOU are not adopting Neji. Your MOTHER is adopting Neji. Likewise with everyone else. You personally are not adopting these people. You are not becoming their parent. You are becoming their sibling."

"Even worse!" whined Kiba.

"Ino, do you want to trade Neji for Sasuke?" Sakura pleaded.

"No way!" Ino laughed.

"It was worth a shot…" Sakura whined.

"AND NO TRADING!" screamed Asuma.

"Now, as we speak, Gai is explaining the set up to our orphan friends and soon they shall return and the fun will start tomorrow morning!" said Kurenai.

"Does anyone have any preference to who goes first?" Kakashi asked.

"ME FIRST!" shrieked Ino.

"Okay, Ino will adopt Sasuke first." Said Kakashi. "What about Neji and Naruto?"

"Well, I'll take Neji first since the other two seem to despise him so much." Tenten offered.

"And…Naruto?" Kakashi led.

Shino, Hinata and Shikamaru looked at each other.

"Shino volunteers." Said Shikamaru.

"No." said Shino.

"That's good enough." Kakashi decided.

"Okay!" said Asuma. "So tomorrow morning Sasuke will go with Ino, Neji will go with Tenten and Naruto will go with Shino!"

"No." Shino said in a slightly elevated tone.

"Don't worry, Shino." Said Kiba. "After one day, it'll all be over! And then you can go back to being the only child!"

"No one understands me." Shino said.

"I understand you, Shino." Said Kiba.

"No you don't." Shino raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yes I do." Kiba said.

"Fine. Whatever." Shino said since he didn't feel like arguing anymore.

"So, students, even though you SHOULD be training for the Chuunin Exam…" Kurenai said randomly. "There will be no training for today or the next three days so you can concentrate all your time on making your brand new sibling feel at home and happy!"

With that, the teachers ran away as fast as they could while giggling maniacally.


	54. Tenten Adopts Neji

Chapter 54- Tenten Adopts Neji

"And the most important rule of all," Neji read aloud to himself as he stood on Tenten's front doorstep after ringing the bell. "You must abide by the rules of the appointed house you are playing guest at, or else I'll withdraw you from the Chuunin Exam Tournament."

Neji gave a heavy sigh. One of the last things he wanted to do IN THE WORLD was stay at Tenten's house for a whole day with whatever family she had. But definitely the last thing he wanted to do was miss the tournament because of Tenten and her lame family.

So, as he stood there on the front doorstep with a change of clothes, his pajamas, toothbrush and various other necessities, the door suddenly swung open and there was Tenten.

"Neji, good morning!" she said.

Neji only scowled at her as she welcomed him in.

"Come on," said Tenten. "This'll be fun. Go into it with an open mind! You get to meet my family and get some quality time with them!"

"Why would THAT be fun?" Neji said.

"Oh shut up." Said Tenten as she led Neji into the other room where a lady was sitting at the table reading a magazine. "Mom! Guess who's here?"

"Oh, hello." Said Tenten's mom, standing up. "You must be Neji."

"And you must be Tenten's mom." Said Neji.

"My name is Mazaa, but I guess for today you can call me Mom!" said Tenten's mom.

"Um…no, that's all right." Said Neji.

"Have you taken him to meet everyone else?" Mazaa asked Tenten.

"No, he just got here." Tenten replied.

"Well, take his stuff upstairs and while you're up there, you can introduce him to the rest of the gang." Mazaa decided.

"All right." Tenten nodded at Neji and he followed her towards the stairs.

"What does your mom mean by 'everyone else'?" Neji asked. "Or do I not want to know?"

"My five sisters and brother." Tenten answered.

Neji didn't know how to react to that at first, but Tenten ordered him to put his stuff in the guestroom and then follow her to the playroom, and he did so. When they entered the playroom, there were numerous children running around or taking care of their younger siblings.

When Tenten entered, they all stopped their activities and looked at her.

"Everyone, this is Neji." Said Tenten. "He's on my team and he's going to be staying in our house for the day so you all have to treat him like he's part of the family."

"Like an uncle?" asked one of the younger ones.

"No!" said Tenten immediately. "Like a brother!"

"Oohh." Said all the young ladies and the young man.

"So I'll introduce them." Tenten said. "This one right here is Irebun, that's Nain, Sebun and the twins, Faibu and Boi, and finally Tsuu. They're eleven, nine, seven, five and two respectively."

"I've always wanted a brother!" said Boi, the five-year-old male.

"Well, I'm not really your brother." Neji said. "I'm only staying in your house for the day under the strict orders of our teachers. I would never voluntarily do this."

"Oh." Said Boi, bowing his head in shame.

The morning was nutso. The table was hectic as everyone tried to get a sufficient amount of breakfast, and Mazaa had to keep yelling at Faibu to stop bothering her twin brother, and Sebun to stop taking her brother's food, and Tsuu to stop spitting things at her brother, and Nain to…well, you get the picture.

Neji sat at the head of the table chewing very slowly as he only observed the horrific scene before.

And, almost as suddenly as it had all begun, it all ended, and Irebun and Nain went outside to train while Sebun, Faibu and Boi ran to the television. Tsuu walked around aimlessly, wanting attention.

Only Tenten, Neji and Mazaa remained at the table.

"So…" said Mazaa. "What is your family like, Neji?"

Neji raised an eyebrow. "The point of this whole crazy situation is that I don't have a family." He pointed out.

"Oh." Said Mazaa. "Well, don't tell me you've been living alone all this time!"

"He doesn't." said Tenten. "He lives with the rest of the Hyuuga so they're all technically his family even though they're not his IMMEDIATE family."

"I could have said that." Neji said with a glare.

"But you weren't going to." Tenten said.

"Where is the father anyway?" Neji said, looking around.

"He's on a mission." Mazaa answered.

"Oh, so he's the ninja of the family while you stay at home and raise all the children, right?" Neji said.

Mazaa paused. "What's that supposed to mean?" she said.

"Don't mind Neji, mom." Said Tenten. "He's incredibly sexist."

"What?" demanded Mazaa. "And you're on the same team as him, Tenten? How can you stand that?"

"You get used to it after a while." Tenten shrugged.

"I'll have you know, Mr. Hyuuga Neji, that I graduated from the ninja academy when I was a kid." Mazaa said.

"Oh, what rank did you attain?" Neji inquired.

"Um…" Mazaa paused. "Well, I sorta quit when I turned fifteen but that's beside the point!"

"Actually, that IS the point." Neji said.

Suddenly Irebun and Nain came running back in. "Tenten!" they yelled. "Could you teach us more of Jokenronsha no Jutsu?"

"That's my favorite jutsu!" Tenten announced as she grabbed her younger sisters' hands and pulled them back outside.

Neji sat there across the table from Mazaa as they both had a bit of a staring contest. But Mazaa soon came to realize that you can't win in a staring contest with Neji and it's best to just give up, but she wasn't going down without a FIGHT!

Though she lost anyway.

Neji stood up when that was done. "Is there a private place I can go to train?" he requested.

"No." Mazaa replied.

"What?" said Neji crossly.

"In a house with eight people, nine including you, what makes you think there's anyplace private?" Mazaa said.

Neji gave her another glare for good measure as he went outside. The backyard was pretty small and he could see Tenten attempting to teach her younger sisters that pointless jutsu of hers so he maneuvered himself into the side yard and decided that Mazaa was lying to him because this spot was FINE.

So he started his getting ready and just when he was about to start his training, he looked up to see Sebun standing there.

He paused for a moment, and she only continued to stand there.

"What do you want?" he said.

"Nothing." She replied.

His eye twitched. "Okay…so could you go away?" he requested EVER so patiently.

"No!" said Sebun. "This is where my secret fort is!"

With that, Sebun dove into the shed.

Neji slapped his forehead and figured that if she was just going to be chilling in the shed that he should be all right to train. But, sure enough, Faibu and Boi came running out a few seconds later while calling for Sebun to come and play with them.

"I bet she's in the secret fort!" said Faibu.

"Hey look!" said Boi, pointing at Neji. "Our brother is outside too!"

"I'm not your brother." Said Neji.

"But Tenten said you were." Boi pouted.

"Tenten is a liar." Neji said.

Just then, the window opened and Mazaa poked her head out. "Neji!" she called as she held up a chart. "It's your turn to change Tsuu's diaper!"

"What?" demanded Neji. "How could it possibly be my turn? I just got here!"

"Because we've all been changing her throughout her whole life, so since you haven't changed her yet then it must be your turn!" Mazaa answered.

"Well I refuse." Neji said defiantly.

"Then I'm going to have to ground you." Mazaa said. "Which means no training for the rest of the day!"

"Not our brother!" cried Boi as he ran over to Neji and grabbed his legs.

Neji pried Boi off of him and pushed him away. "I've never changed a diaper before." He said, approaching Mazaa.

"Well, now's a good time to learn." Mazaa said as she shut the window.

Neji only stood there with an expression of disbelief.

"We can hide you!" said Faibu.

"What good with hiding do?" Neji said.

"Maybe so much time will go by and mom will just make Tenten do it!" Boi said.

Neji considered this and nodded with agreement. "Fine." He said.

Faibu and Boi then dove into the shed as well and Neji followed. Sebun was already there and she whispered for them to be quiet as they all sat down.

Neji felt foolish hiding in a shed so he wouldn't have to change a diaper, especially since he was hiding with a couple of small children.

"So what do you think of our family so far?" Sebun asked Neji.

"He likes me the best because we're both boys." Boi said with a nod.

"There is some truth in that." Neji admitted. "But I mostly don't feel one way or another about you all. After all, I'm going to be leaving after today."

"But will you come back and visit us?" Faibu asked.

"No." Neji said truthfully.

The three kids frowned and looked hurt.

Neji rolled his eyes. "Fine, MAYBE." He said.

"YAY!" they all cheered, and then quickly hushed each other.

The four of them sat there quietly FOR THE MOST PART, but were all around antsy. Neji couldn't help but think that this was time he should be using for training and on many different accounts, he considered just getting out of the shed and getting the diaper changing over with.

That's when they heard it…

"Neji! Neji!"

Tenten's voice.

"Quick, hide him!" Boi shrieked.

Sebun whipped a tarp out from behind her and threw it on Neji, and he definitely felt the epitome of uncoolness just as the door opened.

"Have you three seen Neji?" she asked.

"No!" they chimed.

"He's such a jerk…" Tenten began. "He was supposed to change Tsuu but I had to do it instead!"

The other three shrugged and Tenten shut the door.

"HURRAY!" they cheered after an elapsed time of about two seconds after Tenten shut the door, which caused her to open the door again and take another good look around the room. She spotted the tarp and pulled it off to see Neji sitting there like a fool child. All the children gasped and Neji let out a slight groan.

"Neji!" she said. "How dare you!"

"How dare I what?" Neji sighed. "Is it really that big of a deal that you had to change your sister again?"

"It's the principle of the thing!" said Tenten. "I'm telling on you!"

"You're telling on me…?" Neji looked confused and Tenten stormed off.

"Oh no!" said Sebun. "We're going to get in trouble too!"

"Run!" Faibu yelled. Sebun and Faibu ran off.

"Aren't you going to run too?" Neji asked Boi.

"No!" said Boi. "I finally get it when my sisters say that sisters have to stick together. It's the same with brothers!"

"I'm NOT your brother." Neji reminded him.

"Oh yeah!" said Boi as he ran out of the shed as well, chasing after his sisters.

Neji stood up and exited the shed and brushed himself off just as Mazaa rounded the corner with Tenten marching behind her. "What now…" he muttered.

"Neji, I want you to go to your room and think about what you've done!" Mazaa ordered.

Neji only stood there looking stupefied.

"NOW!" Mazaa ordered.

So Neji raised an eyebrow.

Mazaa pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and waved it in Neji's face. "If you don't abide by my family rules then your teachers have strictly ordered me to inform them so you will be pulled out of the Chuunin Exam Tournament!"

"Okay…" Neji said as he sidestepped around Mazaa and Tenten. "What am I supposed to do again?"

"Go to your room." Said Mazaa. "Or, in this case, the guest room."

"And what am I supposed to do once I get there?" Neji asked.

"Think about what you've done!" Mazaa repeated.

Neji was just about to voice how ludicrous that sounded, but instead he calmly went back into the house and ascended the stairs to the guestroom.

He sat down on the bed and must have pondered for a whole minute what he did, merely because he just wasn't so sure what the big deal was. He closed the door and decided to use this space to train a little bit. That is until, of course, he accidentally put a hand into the wall.

He stared at the damage a little bit, and then finally concluded that he'd just cover it up. And, as he pushed the dresser in the way of the hole he had created, he realized that this was the second dishonest thing he had done since he had gotten there.

After a little while of lying on the bed being bored, there was a knock at the door. He stared at the door. There was another knock.

Now he was getting angry. Obviously they had permission to come in.

The knock became more vigorous and his glare became more intense.

The knocking turned into pounding.

"What is it?" he demanded. "Come in!"

The door slowly opened and Mazaa was standing there.

"I don't know how they run things back in your household, Neji," said Mazaa as she came over to Neji and sat down on the bed. "But in this house we all treat each other with respect."

"Uh huh. Got it." Neji said.

"Well good." Said Mazaa. "I'm glad we had this talk. Now come on downstairs because I wouldn't want you to miss Female Power Hour."

Neji evaluated.

"I'll stay here for a little while longer." He said.

"No." Mazaa ordered, standing up. "Female Power Hour is a family activity."

"I wouldn't want to disrupt the family."

"Don't be silly, Neji!" said Mazaa. "Today, you ARE apart of the family! Now come on or I'll tell your teacher!"

Neji didn't know what Female Power Hour would involve, but he DID know that anything involving females thinking they were empowered for an entire hour was not going to be a fun activity.

When he got into the living room, everyone else was already sitting in a circle.

"I saved you a spot here!" said Sebun, patting the seat that was in between her and Tenten.

Cautiously, Neji took a seat as Mazaa sat in the circle as well.

"Now everyone get in position." Said Mazaa as she got into a Yoga position with her legs crossed and her arms out. The children all followed suit as Tsuu sat in Mazaa's lap.

"Neji, come on." Tenten hit Neji on the shoulder.

"This is ridiculous." Neji whispered to her.

"It is not!" said Tenten. "Now do it!"

Neji crossed his legs but not in the intense Yoga-style that the rest of the kids were in. Mazaa then went off on a rant on how empowered women were while all the kids agreed, and then she went around the circle and asked each child about their experiences with sexism that they would like to share.

"I saw a boy cut a girl in line the other day!" said Boi.

"Very good Boi." Said Mazaa.

"That's not sexism." Said Neji.

Mazaa looked cross. "Then what would you call it?"

"I'm sure that particular boy would have cut anyone whether it was a male or a female." Neji said.

"Well, that's your own personal opinion." Mazaa decided.

Neji felt sorry for Boi.

When Female Power Hour was finally over, everyone sat down for dinner. Neji pulled Boi aside.

"Do you really believe all this?" Neji asked.

"What do you mean?" Boi asked, looking confused.

"All this 'men and women are equal' stuff that your mother's been feeding you." Neji clarified.

"Of course!" said Boi.

"Well, none of it's true." Said Neji.

Boi gasped. "It's not?"

"No." said Neji. "Come to my room after lunch and I'll prove it to you."

"Okay…" said Boi, looking intimidated.

So, after lunch (in which Boi was particularly silent), the two males went into the guest room.

"All right, Boi," Neji said. "When are you starting the academy?"

"Next month." Boi answered.

"When you get to the academy," Neji continued. "They immediately split the boys and girls up. The boys start training within their first year and learning about different styles of fighting and weapons. What are the girls doing?" Boi shrugged flamboyantly. "They're learning about flowers and cooking."

"Really?" said Boi.

"Yes." Neji replied. "And you're only five, but can't you already tell that you're much different than your twin sister?"

"Uh…I guess…" Boi said. "I did start reading before her…"

"Stronger, smarter, you name it." Neji said. "And where is your father?"

"A mission."

"And why isn't your mother on the mission?"

"Because raising us is her number one mission!"

"Wrong." Said Neji. "It's because she's a failure at being a ninja because she's a woman. Just because you live in a house with seven other women and only one man who is away a lot doesn't mean that you have to let them rule your life. When your father is away, you are the man of the house which means you are in charge."

Boi mulled this over. "Hey…yeah!" he said. "Yeah! That's true! I'm in charge! I'm the boss! I'm the man!"

"That's right." Said Neji, giving a sigh of relief. "And from now on, when your mom makes you go to Female Power Hour, you refuse and hide in the shed if you have to."

"I'm going to!" said Boi ambitiously.

"Now get out of my room." Said Neji as he punted Boi out of the room and shut the door. Then he opened it again. "I mean the guest room." And then he closed it again.

Neji chilled in his room for a while, experimenting with different ways to control his chakra and expel it from his body when suddenly, there was a knock at the door. At first, he didn't say anything and just awaited an entrance, but then he remembered to say, "Come in."

Tenten entered. "Hey Neji."

"Hey." Neji answered.

"So…what do you think of my family?" Tenten asked.

"Not surprising."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I just wasn't surprised by anything. Except for maybe your brother."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that…" Tenten sighed. "Did you say something to Boi because he's acting very strange…"

"What did he do?" Neji asked.

"Well, he punched Sebun in the shoulder, and when Mom told him that he couldn't have a snack he had one anyway…" Tenten answered.

Neji waited. "That's 'very strange'?" he said once he realized that Tenten was finished talking.

"Well yeah." Said Tenten. "Wouldn't you say?"

"It's not strange for a boy…" Neji rolled his eyes.

"Well, it's pretty much time we put everyone to bed." Tenten said.

"Okay." Said Neji, not realizing it had already gotten that late.

"Well, aren't you going to help?" Tenten asked.

"Do I have to?" Neji said.

"I guess not." Tenten stood up with an exasperated sigh.

Neji wondered if Tenten was trying to guilt trip him. Even if she was, it wasn't going to work. After Tenten left, he got changed into his pajamas and got into bed, contemplating the day.

Just when he was about to go to sleep, he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," he said.

The door opened just a little bit and Neji rolled over to see Boi standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing up?" Neji asked, sitting up.

"I just wanted to say…" Boi paused. "I really liked having a brother for a day! Thank you for teaching me so much!"

Neji didn't say anything for a minute. "Um…okay…your welcome." He said, at a loss for anything else to say.

Boi nodded and shut the door, and Neji could hear his footsteps getting further and further away. Tomorrow he would be in a new household with a new family, and although he could tolerate Tenten's big family for a day, he doubted he would be able to do it for a lifetime.


	55. Ino Adopts Sasuke

Chapter 55- Ino Adopts Sasuke

Ino's Sasuke senses started tingling, so she knew Sasuke was at that moment coming up the front walk. She ran to the door, flung it open and was appeased with Sasuke's less than excited looking face.

"SASUKE!" she cheered, leaping on top of him.

"Ino, PLEASE." Said Sasuke, pushing her away from him. "We're supposed to be siblings for the day, remember?"

"Well, I'm just your very excited sister who's thrilled to see you!" Ino declared.

"Okay." Said Sasuke. "You play the part of the thrilled sister, and I'll play the part of the not-so-thrilled brother."

"Come on, Sasuke, it won't be THAT bad if you are willing to give it a fair chance!" Ino said as she pulled Sasuke in and shut the door. "We don't have a guestroom or anything, but we can pull out the couch, and it's pretty comfy."

"Whatever, that's fine." Sasuke said in a tone that suggested the only thing he forgot to say was ALAS!

"It's going to be fun to have a brother." Ino said. "_I _can talk about boys I like, and you can tell me that I can't date them without you approving!"

"I thought you only liked me." Sasuke reminded her.

"Well obviously!" said Ino. "I was just using that as an example!"

"I think you might be getting a little too hyped up for this." Sasuke warned her.

"Don't be silly." Said Ino. "Come and meet my parents! They've been so excited to meet you ever since I told them that you would be staying overnight!"

"Wasn't that just yesterday?" Sasuke questioned as Ino led him into the kitchen where both of Ino's parents were seated. For the sake of our sanity so we don't have to write Ino's Mom and Ino's Dad, we will be naming them Inonna and Inoshi respectively.

It was apparent that both of them were trying to look natural but only succeeded in looking totally UNNATURAL.

Inoshi was sitting with his legs crossed in an exaggerated manner with the newspaper opened up to a random page that only contained ads AND it was upside down. Inonna was standing at the stove, which was currently off, holding a pot, which was currently empty, and staring off into space with a gigantic toothy fake smile on her face.

Ino cleared her throat and her parents both turned around as if they hadn't noticed her there.

"Oh, Ino!" said Inonna. "We didn't see you there!"

"Who's this young man?" said Inoshi.

"Mom, Dad, this is Sasuke." Said Ino giddily. "From the Uchiha clan."

"Charmed." Said the parents together in such a way that gave Sasuke the impression that they were FAR from charmed.

Sasuke didn't want to cut any of the thick atmosphere for breakfast, so he wisely decided to just slip away unnoticed and pretend as though that never happened, but Inoshi stood up and grabbed Sasuke before he could and practically dragged back in the room.

"Where are you going, Sasuke?" he asked. "We're having a family breakfast."

"Oh right." Said Sasuke hesitantly. He looked at Ino who had horseshoe eyes. Clearly she was oblivious.

They all sat down. The table was only meant for three people, so Sasuke's chair was awkwardly wedged in between Inoshi and Inonna and his placemat was sort of hanging off the edge, and they didn't really have enough elbow room to be comfortable.

Inonna went around and served everyone some delicious pancakes that just seemed too perfect to be something that she actually served every morning. Sasuke was clued into this fact because Ino exclaimed with delight that she was being served pancakes, and it simply must be because they have a guest for the day.

Sasuke poked at his pancakes a little while, trying to keep his head down, but he could feel everyone staring at him. Ino was staring because she was enthralled by everything Sasuke did all the time, even if it was eating (or not eating), but he felt like the other two were staring with BAD INTENTIONS.

They ate breakfast in total silence, which didn't seem to bother Ino because she still looked totally content, but Sasuke had never felt more awkward. Especially since Ino's parents were both staring at him.

When their meal was complete, Inonna took the plates away.

"Not a fan of pancakes, Sasuke?" Inonna asked.

"Oh, no, not at all." Sasuke said. "I mean, yes I'm a fan of pancakes, but I wasn't very hungry this morning."

"Well that's all right." Said Inonna. "I'm sure you'll love what I'm cooking for dinner."

"Why do you say that?" Sasuke asked.

"Do you doubt my wife's cooking ability?" said Inoshi.

"Everything Mom makes tastes good." Ino saved Sasuke.

"Aha…" Sasuke said with a nod.

"Ino, do you want to get a start on your chores early so you can get to training?" Inonna asked.

"Good idea!" said Ino. "Sasuke, we should train together later."

Sasuke noticed both parents twitch at this statement.

Ino and her mother disappeared up the stairs, leaving the two men seated at the table in, once again, ABSOLUTE SILENCE.

Finally, unable to take the silence anymore, Sasuke graciously offered to go and mow the lawn or something else that would be completely solitary from the rest of the family, but Inoshi firmly put his hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

"Uchiha Sasuke." He said.

"Yeah…that's me…" Sasuke said cautiously.

"My daughter is very fond of you." Inoshi said.

"Um…I know…" Sasuke said.

"And I only have one daughter."

"I figured…"

"She's my little girl. I'm her father."

Sasuke looked Inoshi up and down. "Yeah…" he said finally.

"So what I'm saying, _young man_," said Inoshi as if it were a crime for Sasuke to be a young man. "You may be under the same roof as us for a day and a night, but you are no son of mine, we all know that. If you even LOOK at my daughter in any sort of—"

"With all due respect, sir, actually it's just that—"

"Don't interrupt me." Ordered Inoshi.

"Okay…" Sasuke cowered.

"I am more than just a father." Inoshi went on. "I am her OVERPROTECTIVE father."

"Sir, it's really just—"

"And one of those unrealistic overprotective fathers. The kind you only HEAR about. That's me."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sasuke said.

Inoshi leaned back in his chair, but didn't take his eyes off Sasuke. "Well… I gather you get the picture." Inoshi folded his arms and gave a contented sigh. "Now you can go and mow the lawn."

Sasuke silently stood up and retreated to the backyard. As he looked around for anything that may even resemble a lawnmower, he heard Ino from the window on the second floor.

He tried to ignore her for two reasons: 1) he always ignores her and 2) he could see her father spying through the curtain of another window.

When Ino was finally frustrated with Sasuke ignoring her, she closed the window, descended the stairs and came out onto the back porch with a basket of laundry. She set the laundry on the porch and sat in one of the chairs, folding as Sasuke continue to search the yard.

"What are you looking for?" Ino asked.

"Um…the lawnmower…" Sasuke answered.

"We don't have a lawnmower." Ino laughed. "Our grass is artificial turf."

Sasuke stopped and glared at the window that Inoshi was spying from, as he quickly dodged out of view.

"Yeah, we got it last year." Said Ino with a shrug.

"Got what last year?" Sasuke asked.

"The artificial turf." Ino replied.

"Oh." Said Sasuke with a nod.

"You see," Ino continued her folding. "It used to be my job because my mom tends around the house and my dad's always on missions, but now that I'm a ninja too we had to cut back on some chores and one way to do it was—" She paused. "Sorry… that's not very interesting, is it?"

"Not particularly." Sasuke admitted.

Ino paused and tried to think of something else to talk about. "Did my dad tell you to mow the lawn?" Ino asked. Then she giggled when Sasuke nodded. "Our dad, I guess."

"Don't take this too seriously." Sasuke said. "It's just for a day."

"I know, I know." Ino said. "Hey, after I finish with my chores, I bet my dad will want to train with us! He doesn't have to leave for missions for a few hours, so I bet he will. You are going to train with us, aren't you?"

Sasuke paused as he approached the porch. "Train…with your dad?" he managed to articulate.

"Yeah!" Ino said. "It'll be fun."

Sasuke could think of things that would have been funner, but it was exactly then that Inoshi came out onto the porch. "Ino, are you almost finished with your chores?" he asked.

"Almost." Said Ino. "Just have to finish this basket."

"That's all right." Said Inoshi. "Sasuke and I will get started and you can join in when you're ready."

"Okay." Said Ino cheerfully.

"Wait…" Sasuke stuttered.

"Come on, Sasuke, I've heard from Ino that you are the best ninja in your year." Inoshi said.

"The Number One Rookie!" Ino said.

"Oh, that's right." Said Inoshi. "How about we start with a spar then?"

"A…spar…?" Sasuke said haltingly.

"Sure!" said Inoshi. "A man to man fight."

"Do it, Sasuke!" cheered Ino. "Fight my dad!"

"Uhh…" Sasuke stuttered.

"Sasuke, your Chuunin Exam Tournament is coming up very soon and what kind of father would I be if I didn't think you were completely prepared?" Inoshi said. "Fighting a high ranking jounin like myself couldn't hurt, could it?"

But it did hurt. And a little while later, Sasuke was coming around. And when I say 'coming around', I mean slowly regaining consciousness with Ino's face looming over him.

"Sasuke, are you all right?" she asked in an ULTRA concerned tone, not quite sisterly at all.

"What happened?" he said groggily.

"I think you hit your head…" Ino confessed absentmindedly.

"How long have I been out?" Sasuke said.

Ino looked at the clock. "Um… an hour?" she suggested. "Maybe two? Two and a half? I'm not really sure."

Sasuke sat up and looked around the room to make sure Inoshi wasn't there.

"Ino." He said. "Your dad tried to kill me."

Ino laughed. "No he didn't!" she said as if she knew WHICH SHE DIDN'T.

"Yes he did." Sasuke said, standing up confidently. "Ever since I've gotten here, he's been gunning for me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sasuke." Said Ino. "Why would my dad do something like that?"

"Uh…I dunno." Sasuke said. "I think he seems to be under the impression that I…"

He trailed off and decided not to share that particular conversation with Ino, and even though she inquired further, he decided that he needed some 'No-Ino Time'.

No sooner had he rounded the corner did he crash into Inonna, and at the time she happened to be carrying a bottle of milk. It fell to the ground, shattered into a million pieces and all the milk spewed all over the place.

"Oh dear…" sighed Inonna.

"Oh…sorry…" Sasuke said, slapping his forehead and making a few frustrated noises. "I'll clean it up."

"That's true, you will." Inonna nodded. "Let me get some paper towels."

She walked around the mess and into the kitchen as Sasuke mumbled some words that shan't be repeated as he started picking up the shards of glass.

"No use crying over spilled milk!" sang Inonna as she returned with paper towels.

"I wasn't crying." Sasuke said in an accusatory tone.

"It's an expression, Sasuke." Inonna assured him.

"Oh." Said Sasuke, feeling even more foolish.

"The mess and the broken glass isn't what bothers me…" Inonna continued. "Now I won't be able to make the dinner I had planned on tonight."

"Um…do you want me to go to the grocery store and—?"

"Since you insist, you might as well!" said Inonna as she went into her purse and pulled out some money. "Here you are. Come back as quickly as possible so I can get started."

"Okay." Said Sasuke as he pocketed the money and went outside.

Sasuke was just glad to get out of that house and, before he had time to get as far away as he could, he heard the front door open. He cringed; was it going to be Ino, making him have to deal with her? Or was it going to be Ino's dad with another attempt on his life? Or Ino's mom with a shopping list?

"Sasuke!"

Ino's dad…

"Oh…um…hi." Said Sasuke.

"Let's walk together." Inoshi said. "I'm going in that direction on my way to meet with the Hokage anyway."

Sasuke stood there frozen.

"Come on, let's walk." Inoshi said more forcefully.

So Sasuke nodded and they both started walking.

"How's your head?" Inoshi asked.

"Oh, it's uh…fine." Sasuke replied.

"Don't mumble when you speak to me and stand up straight." Said Inoshi. "I asked you a question."

"It's fine, sir." Sasuke said, getting a little annoyed.

"Good." Said Inoshi. "By the way Ino was going on about how wonderful you were and how you were in the Chuunin Exam Tournament, I expected that you'd be able to take a hit!"

Sasuke didn't know how to react to that one.

"Well, don't you have anything to say?" Inoshi asked.

"Not really." Sasuke replied.

"That's too bad." Sighed Inoshi. "A talented young man like yourself won't be able to go through life always just being the cool one standing there silently, wooing the hearts of young ladies—people's daughters that is—even though they don't really know better."

There was another pause in his speech, and then he slowly turned his head and glared at Sasuke out of one eye.

"Can I help you with something?" Sasuke asked, perturbed.

"I'm going to stop beating around the bush and just ask. What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"

"What are you talking about?" demanded Sasuke.

"You know what I'm talking about!" said Inoshi.

"No I don't!" said Sasuke.

"You've been spending more time with her than usual throughout this year, and every day Ino comes home with another story about how you and her celebrated Halloween together or celebrated Talk Like a Pirate Day together and now you're spending the night!"

"Our teachers are FORCING us to celebrate these holidays and I'm spending the night only because, once again, our teachers are FORCING us." Sasuke explained.

"A likely story." Said Inoshi as he got all in Sasuke's face and pointed at him. "Stay away from my daughter."

"No problem, I have no interest in her whatsoever." Sasuke said.

"Oh, so that's how it is?" said Inoshi. "You don't think my daughter is pretty enough?"

Sasuke groaned. "I never said that, it's just that—"

"So now you're saying that she's pretty, but that's all you notice and don't appreciate her brain?"

"What? No!"

"So now you're saying that you DO appreciate her brain and don't care about her prettiness?"

"I never said—"

Inoshi gave a heavy sigh and looked off in the distance. "Well, I suppose you've convinced me." He said. "You're okay, Sasuke. You're weird, but you're okay. I give you permission to date my daughter."

Sasuke had a big question mark above his head.

"Nothing to say?" Inoshi raised an eyebrow.

"Um…thanks?" Sasuke said since on a scale of one to ten concerning his state of confusion, he was a twelve. AND A HALF.

"Well, here's the grocery store." Inoshi said. "I'm going to find out if there are any missions for me at the Hokage's and you have fun picking up milk for the little woman."

With that, Inoshi left Sasuke in the dust.

"But…I don't WANT to date Ino…" Sasuke whined.

So the next time the Yamanakas and Sasuke were all together was at dinnertime in which Inonna fixed a marvelous dinner. The family had worked a little harder to space the table out so Sasuke wasn't so awkwardly on the outside, though Sasuke kind of wanted to be out the outside at this point.

"Sasuke, thank you so much for all your help in the kitchen today." Said Inonna.

"Oh, you helped?" Inoshi said, sounding surprised.

"Um…just a little." Sasuke replied.

"Don't be modest!" said Ino. "You should have seen him, Dad."

"Who taught you to cook, Sasuke?" asked Inonna.

"Well, I kind of had to teach myself…"

"Why?" asked Inonna.

There was a silence.

"Um…" Sasuke started, but the whole family was staring at him eagerly. "I guess… well… you know, after my whole clan was like… killed… and then I started living alone… I sorta had to teach myself…everything… and um… yeah."

"Good story!" exclaimed Inoshi. "This meal is wonderful, darling."

"Thank you." Said Inonna. "Did anything interesting happen at work, dear?"

"Not really." Inoshi replied with a casual shrug. "Just a dull C-Rank mission around the village. I just couldn't wait to get home to the love of my life, my beautiful princess daughter and her boyfriend."

Sasuke choked on his food and spit the contents of his mouth across the table right onto Ino's plate.

No one really seemed phased by that, though.

"Oh, so you two are going out now?" asked Inonna.

"No!" said Sasuke.

"Yes!" Ino said.

"That's what Sasuke said anyway." Inoshi said.

"I never said anything like that!" Sasuke argued.

"You IMPLIED it." Inoshi pointed out.

"No I didn't." Sasuke reminded him. "I didn't come here for the night so I could court Ino. Our teachers forced me to so I could be in a family for the theme of National Adoption Month, and I was supposed to come in here with Ino as my sister and you two as my parents."

There was silence. And a few coughs.

"How about we go out tomorrow then?" Ino tried.

"No." said Sasuke, standing up and putting his napkin on the table. "Now I'm going to take this opportunity to excuse myself from the table. Thank you."

With that, he walked away from the table and went into the other room where he had put his stuff down. After a moment of sitting there being angsty, he suddenly came to a realization; Ino's parents were in on it all along! Everyone was conspiring against him to get him to go out with someone! How…DARE… they!

But he soon came to another realization; there was nothing he could do about it. What was he supposed to do? Walk up to Ino's parents and say, "I disapprove!" He certainly would look foolish.

So instead he decided to angst about it some more since that's what Sasuke does best.

After angsting for a little while, Sasuke decided to get over it and get changed into his pajamas and get some shuteye.

"Sasuke?" Ino poked her head in the room Sasuke was staying in.

"What?" said Sasuke.

"Um…sorry about my dad…" she said. "He's kind of psychotic."

"And bipolar." Sasuke added.

"At times." Ino agreed.

There was silence.

"Um…so anyway…" Ino went on. "About what he said you said…"

"He made it up." Sasuke said.

"Oh." Said Ino.

She only stood there like a fool for a little while longer until she finally gave up on this conversation and walked away.

Sasuke sighed and pulled his blankey up to his chin. Chouji's family and Lee's family couldn't possibly be as strange and bizarre as Ino's family, and he could rest assured knowing this little fact.


	56. Shino Adopts Naruto

Chapter 56- Shino Adopts Naruto

Shino and his father, who is Auron, were sitting at the kitchen table engaged in a rousing game of EYE CONTACT. It was something they like to try out every once and a while and maybe someday, they will actually have a discussion whilst they eat.

Suddenly Shino remembered that he forgot something.

"Father," he said. "I am supposed to share an important piece of knowledge with you concerning the course of this day with you."

"And what is that?" Auron asked.

At that exact moment, the doorbell rang.

"Oh yes." Said Shino, standing up and going to the door. He opened it and was faced with…Naruto.

"BROTHER!" Naruto exclaimed as he reached out and hugged Shino.

Shino made a noise, but it was hardly audible.

"Why is Kiba here?" came Auron's voice as he walked on, only to pause and look confused. "Wait…that's not Kiba."

"It is someone who is equally loud as Kiba." Shino explained.

"Oh." Said Auron.

"You must be my dad!" said Naruto as he grabbed Auron and hugged him as well.

Auron didn't do anything to stop the hug, but he didn't do anything to prolong it as well.

"I'm going to go check out my room!" said Naruto as he ran up the stairs only after dropping all of his stuff in the doorway.

Shino and Auron stood there, and finally Shino reached out and shut the door.

"Shino, I'm in trouble." Auron said.

"Why, Father?" Shino asked.

"That child…coming out of nowhere like that…I don't know what to say." Auron confessed.

"Well, I'll explain." Shino said. "It's a holiday thing our teachers are forcing us to do and it is National Adoption Month and since Naruto doesn't have any parents, we are hosting him for the day as if he were in our family."

Auron paused for a long time.

"Oh." He said. "Never mind."

"Never mind about what?" Shino asked.

"About me being in trouble." Auron said.

"Why?" Shino said.

"Because I thought I had conceived an illegitimate child and it was coming back to haunt me, but now I feel better."

"Father…" Shino started just as Naruto stampeded down the stairs.

"FAMILY!" he cheered. "What's first on our list of fun things to do?"

He wrapped his arms around the two Aburames, and they both cringed.

"First, we must finish eating." Said Auron, pushing Naruto's arm off his shoulder.

"Eating?" Naruto said excitedly. "I love eating!"

Auron and Shino went into the kitchen and Naruto followed eagerly, but stopped in the doorway.

"Wait…you guys aren't like…eating… bugs or something… are you?" Naruto said slowly.

Shino glared at Naruto and then picked the cereal box up off the table and showed it to him; Rice Krispies Treat Cereal. Which is, by the way, probably the best cereal in the entire world.

"Well, that's normal enough!" said Naruto. "SO normal, that it's actually kind of abnormal…"

Naruto rubbed his chin thoughtfully but couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity to eat awesome cereal. He picked up the box only to find it empty.

"Hey!" he yelled. "This box is empty!"

"So recycle it." Said Shino.

"Do what with it?" said Naruto with a raised eyebrow.

Shino took the box from him and took it upon himself to recycle it.

"But what can I eat?" Naruto whined as Shino sat back down to finish his delightful cereal.

"There might be another kind in the pantry." Said Auron.

Naruto went to the pantry and gasped. "You guys have Ohs!" he yelled. "And Oreo-Os! Olympic Cheerios, NO WAY! This place is a gold mine! It's amazing! I'm coming here for breakfast every day!"

Naruto grabbed the Ohs and sat down at the table. He poured himself a bowl and then poured the milk. Shino and Auron couldn't help but be totally mesmerized by Naruto's ability to eat an entire bowl of cereal in about ten seconds. And, as they observed Naruto give himself seconds, they both simultaneously put another spoonful of Rice Krispies Treats in their mouths, never taking their eyes off of him for a second.

After they ate, Shino and his dad took their bowls to the dishwasher and Naruto ran off in search of something to entertain himself with. Shino looked at Naruto's bowl still sitting on the table as well as the huge mess he had made.

Shino was…

DISGRUNTLED.

"Naruto." He said in his famous 'calling' voice.

"Yeah bro?" Naruto asked, rounding the corner.

"What did you just call me?"

"Bro." Naruto answered. "Cause today, we're brothers."

"Don't call me that."

"Fine, whatever! What did you want to say to me?"

"Take care of your bowl."

Naruto looked to see that Shino was pointing at the bowl on the table.

"Um…" he said slowly.

"What?" said Shino.

"I don't know." Naruto shrugged.

"It is a rule in our household that every mess you make, you clean up after yourself. BRO."

"Oh." Said Naruto, looking dejected. "In that case, will you help me clean up the mess I made in the other room?"

Shino stood there in a totally frozen state just as Auron came in the room.

"Shino, I want you to remove this boy from our house." Said Auron.

"I don't know how easy that will be." Said Shino.

"I'm sure you're up to the challenge." Auron said.

"I'm standing right here, you know." Said Naruto, crossing his arms.

"Why don't you both go outside and train for a little while?" Auron suggested in a manner that suggested this suggestion was NOT just a suggestion.

"I have a better idea!" said Naruto. "Let's all go out and take a walk together as a family bonding exercise! Because no offense guys, but I think Sasuke and Itachi have better family chemistry than the two of you."

Auron and Shino looked at each other skeptically, and then transferred their skeptical expressions towards Naruto.

"What?" said Naruto innocently.

"Come on, Father, you wouldn't leave me alone with just Naruto, would you?" Shino said.

"Very well." Sighed Auron as if nothing would pain him more. "We shall all go outside and train."

"Train?" Naruto demanded in an outraged tone. "Let's go out and have fun instead!"

"Have fun?" Auron repeated.

"Yeah!" said Naruto. "Let's go out to eat or something!"

"We just ate." Shino reminded him.

"Fine, then let's train a little first THEN go out to eat." Naruto compromised.

The Aburames agreed, and then the trio went outside into the backyard.

Naruto sat down on the grass. "So…" he said. "Last night I made out a list of really great conversation starters because Kiba told me that you guys don't really like to talk very much."

Shino and Auron stared at Naruto blankly.

Naruto paused. "Yeah…I guess Kiba knows best." He eyed them both and then pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket.

"We're going to be training so there will be no time or use for talking." Shino said smartly.

"Well first let's talk!" said Naruto. "I want to know a little bit more about the two guys I'm going to be sharing a house with for a day!"

"Why?" said Shino. "It's just a day."

"Just humor me, okay?" said Naruto.

"Don't act as though humoring you is something I never do." Said Shino.

"What are you talking about?" said Naruto. "I've never even TALKED to you."

"Well, you're pretty much interchangeable with Kiba." Shino said.

Naruto gasped. "How dare you!" he said. "For that, you HAVE to have a conversation with me using one of my great conversation starters!"

"Fine." Said Shino. "I'll humor you. But don't ask again for the rest of the time you're here."

"Okay!" cheered Naruto as he unfolded the paper and studied it. "Well, Kiba told me to ask this question…"

"No." said Shino. "Ask a different one."

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"He wants to know if your mom got back from the grocery store…" Naruto said.

Shino frowned at Naruto, and Auron frowned at Shino.

"What have you been telling your little friends, Shino?" Auron asked.

"I told them that Mother has been at the grocery store since she got back from her mission." Shino said.

"So you're trying to convince them that your mother has been at the grocery store for two years and four months?" Auron said.

"Yes." Said Shino.

"Well, I'll have you know that my son is misinformed." Said Auron to Naruto.

"Oh really?" said Naruto.

"She is at the DMV." Auron said. "You know how that place takes forever."

"Actually, I don't know." Said Naruto.

"Take my word for it." Auron assured him.

"When did Mother get back from the grocery store?" Shino asked.

"Two months ago." Auron replied. "But she got home in the middle of the night and had to leave right away before I even knew she was home."

Naruto slapped his forehead as Shino nodded, accepting that answer.

"I have an idea!" said Naruto. "Let's play the 'Get Out of Denial City' game!"

"How do you play that game?" Shino asked.

"The first thing you have to do is admit that you're in Denial City." Naruto said.

"Are we in Denial City?" Shino said.

"Yes." Said Naruto. "You two are both definitely in Denial City."

"We don't have time for games." Said Auron. "It's time to train so Shino can be ready for the next Chuunin exam."

"Oh!" said Naruto. "I'm in the Chuunin Exam Tournament coming up! Will you come and watch me, Dad?"

"Don't call me dad." Said Auron.

"Can I call you Dadoo?" Naruto asked.

"No." said Auron. "Don't call me that. Ever."

"Well too bad." Said Naruto. "I'm calling you Dadoo."

"No. Don't." said Auron but he didn't sound terribly convincing. Meanwhile, Shino was just standing there like a tree. Everyone knows he goes into tree mode whenever someone mentions the Chuunin exam. Then again, Shino's pretty much ALWAYS in tree mode, unless he's fighting Kankuro. Then he's in VENGENCE MODE. Good times with that. Other than that, I don't think Shino has any other modes. But I'm sure if he had a girlfriend and was a couple of years older, he'd have an awesome raging SEX MODE.

Whoa. Never mind about that.

Well anyway, Naruto never really did find out exactly what happened to Shino's mother. Maybe she literally really is at the DMV. But I get the vibe that she's probably not.

They had a brutal training session that ended when Naruto became far too hungry to continue and was complaining endlessly about how he couldn't continue unless he got more food in himself.

So, even though the Aburames obviously have the best cereal in the entire world, Naruto demanded they go out to eat at the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table.

"Hey look, Shikamaru and Chouji!" said Naruto excitedly as he bolted to the other side of the restaurant to see the two previously mentioned ones sitting at one of the tables with the grill in the middle in which they could cook the food right then and there and believe me, they definitely were doing that.

"What are you doing here, Naruto?" sighed Shikamaru.

"I'm just out and about hanging around with my bro and dadoo." Said Naruto, gesturing towards Shino and Auron who were both still standing in the doorway since they had been abandoned.

"I see…" said Shikamaru, looking past Naruto and then back at them.

"Hey, you get to hang out with me one of these days too!" said Naruto. "When is that happening?"

"Well, I planned on prolonging the inevitable for as long as I could…" Shikamaru said truthfully. "So I think you're 'hanging around' with Hinata and her psychotic father tomorrow."

"Hm…" Naruto said slowly.

"Good luck getting him to let you call him Dadoo." Shikamaru shook his head.

"Oh, it'll be fun!" Naruto assured himself as he ran over to Auron and Shino. "Sorry for leaving you guys in the dust! Let's get a table!"

Naruto frolicked over to a table and the antisocial Aburames followed him.

"So anyway," Naruto said as he folded his hands. Shino and Auron just sat in their chairs with their hands in their pockets. Naruto just sat there with a big smile on his face.

"What?" said Shino since Naruto didn't say anything.

"Nothing." Said Naruto. "I'm just enjoying spending some quality time with a family! Are you guys having as much fun as I'm having?"

"We don't do 'fun'." Said Auron.

"Well, hypothetically speaking of course." Said Naruto.

"I don't know." Said Auron. "How much fun are you having?"

"Hm…" said Naruto. "I WOULD be having more fun if we went to a theme park or something…"

Auron and Shino sat there stoically.

"Come on!" said Naruto. "I'm you're new son for the day and the point of this holiday is for you to entertain me!"

Shino whipped out a piece of paper and handed it to his father.

Auron read the paper over. "This paper states that the point of this holiday is for you to experience the atmosphere of our family." He said. "Meaning you have to do what we do."

"What?" said Naruto, leaning over the table and looking at the paper. "No, no, that means that you guys have to do fun stuff with me!"

"No, it means you have to do what we do in our family." Said Auron, standing up. "Which means that I require you act like a proper son acts."

"How does a proper son act?" Naruto questioned.

Auron gestured his head towards Shino who was standing next to him like a tree.

"Oh." Said Naruto with a joking nod. He stood up, put on a fake pouty frown and pretended to adjust invisible sunglasses. "How's this, Dadoo?" he asked.

"He's making fun of me." Shino said.

"You don't have to be a tattletale, Shino." Auron said.

Shino looked as dejected as Shino can look, which wasn't terribly dejected. But we all knew in his heart that he was dejected.

"So what's first on the itinerary?" Naruto said, slapping his hands together with one loud and enthusiastic CLAP.

"Well, it's three o'clock." Auron said, looking at his watch. "Meaning it's time to play our daily game of hide-and-seek."

Naruto's mouth fell to the floor. "Really?" he said.

"Yes." Said Shino and Auron.

Naruto shrugged. "Okay." He said. "If it's what the family does then I don't want to ruin it!"

"That's right." Said Auron. "Now you will hide and we will come and look for you."

"Got it!" said Naruto. "Good luck finding me, suckers!"

Naruto ran off giggling like a madman. He must have jumped to a hundred different hiding spots and suddenly he crashed into…IRUKA!

Iruka was only there because he's that random guy that always pops up every once and a while and makes everyone happy because for some reason he's the favorite. Well, it's the same here. He's just showing up to make the fans happy, even if his appearance is pointless and probably filler.

"Naruto, hello!" said Iruka.

"Shhh!" Naruto hissed. "I'm playing hide-and-seek!"

"Oh." Said Iruka. "That's great! Who are you playing with?"

"Shino and his dad." Said Naruto.

Iruka paused for a moment. "Oh." He said again.

Having served his purpose of popping up just so people can continue to love him WAY too much, Iruka left.

Naruto jumped into a trashcan and put the lid on, trying to keep his laughter suppressed.

He sat there for an awfully long time and eventually started getting bored. He slowly rose to his feet and peeked out around the area to see that it had gotten dark outside.

"Shino…?" he said quietly. "Dadoo?"

When he didn't get a response, he got out and brushed himself.

"I guess my hiding spot was THAT good!" Naruto decided as he started strutting arrogantly back to Shino's house.

When he was about halfway there, he suddenly remembered something Kiba had told him…

"_Naruto, listen up!" Kiba said as he hit Naruto on the head._

"_What is it?" Naruto demanded angrily._

"_No one knows Shino better than me, and if you hope to survive a day in his house then you better listen to my advice or else you'll regret it!"_

"_Is that a threat?"_

"_Hey! I'm trying to give you advice!"_

"_Fine, fine! What?"_

"_Okay. This is the most important thing. If Shino offers to play hide-and-seek with you—Naruto! Are you listening?"_

"_Huh? Yeah! What do you want?"_

"_I'm just saying; if Shino wants to play hide and seek with you then don't do it! You'll just be hiding all day!"_

Naruto kicked himself for not taking Kiba's advice and then broke into a run back towards Shino's house.

He slammed open the door to see Shino and Auron sitting on their couch watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

"All right, what's the deal?" demanded Naruto angrily as he turned the power off the television.

Shino and Auron stared at the screen for a moment.

"Hey." Said Shino.

"We were watching that." Auron added.

"I know!" said Naruto. "That's the point! I thought we were playing hide-and-seek!"

"We couldn't find you." Said Shino in a rehearsed tone.

"That's it!" said Naruto. "We are going to spend the rest of the night together as a family whether you guys like it or not!"

"Actually, it's Shino's bed time." Auron said, standing up.

"WHAT?" yelled Naruto.

"I have to go to bed now." Shino said.

"No way!" said Naruto. "Bed time? YOU?"

"Yes." Said Shino.

"If he doesn't go to bed early then he's cranky in the morning." Auron explained as he filled up a backpack with ninja weapons.

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Okay…fine…" he said slowly. "Me and Dadoo will hang out tonight then."

"I'm going on a mission." Auron said, slinging the backpack over his shoulder. "I won't be back until the end of the week."

"That's not fair!" said Naruto as he looked back and forth between Auron who was strolling out the door and Shino who was strolling up the stairs. "We hardly hung out as a family today!"

"Well, the note DID say you had to abide by our family behaviors." Auron pointed out as he left.

Naruto stood there in shock for a minute and then looked at Shino who was disappearing up the stairs.

"Hey, wait up!" Naruto yelled as he followed after him.

"What do you want?" Shino sighed.

"Where am I going to sleep tonight?" Naruto said.

"I don't know." Said Shino. "Anywhere except my room or my father's room."

With that, Shino slammed his bedroom door in Naruto's face.

Naruto turned around and dramatically dropped to his knees. "Such a cruel hand fate has dealt me!" he cried. "Such a cruel haaaaaaaaaannnnnddd!"


	57. Kiba Adopts Neji

Chapter 57- Kiba Adopts Neji

Neji stood on the front doorstep of Tenten's house, facing out. He decided to leave the house before anyone woke up just so he wouldn't have to deal with them any longer.

He pulled out the map Kiba had drawn him to guide him from Tenten's house to his. He became somewhat disgruntled because the map was drawn in crayon and crayon was below Neji. He threw the map in the nearest trashcan because even Neji knows the importance of not littering, and simply used his Byakugan to locate Kiba's house. He sort of remembered where it was anyway since Kiba had forced them to meet there when he was telling them of Sasuke's birthday party plans.

When Neji reached THAT front door step, he quietly knocked on the door. Then he suddenly realized that they were probably still asleep—

--Then the door flung open.

"Oh." Said Kiba, looking disappointed, almost as if he had expected someone else to ring his door so early in the morning. "I thought you were Hinata."

"How dare you." Said Neji.

"You smell like her." Kiba glared at Neji.

"How dare you again." Neji said.

"Probably because you live in the same house." Kiba concluded.

Just then, Kiba's crazy mom who will be called Tsume because we sort of think that's what her name is, appeared behind Kiba and practically shoved him out of the way. (She might have a real name, but we're too lazy to find out.)

"Who's this?" Tsume said, taking a big whiff of Neji and invading his personal space.

Neji took a step bake from her. "I'm going to make a rule right now that I have a personal space bubble and there will be no sniffing me." He said.

"This is Neji." Kiba said, coming back into view.

"OH." Said Tsume. "THIS is Neji. He's going to be our new son for the day!"

"I know." Said both Neji and Kiba as they rolled their eyes, then glared at each other.

"Is my new brother here?" came Hana's voice as she appeared in the doorway and pushed Kiba out of the way.

"Stop pushing me!" Kiba whined as he tried to shove his way into view.

"Why don't we just invite him in so we don't have to stand in the doorway?" said Tsume as she grabbed Neji and pulled him into his certain doom.

Neji's experience at the Tenten residence was less than enjoyable and he wasn't even going to try say that it was fun, but he felt that half of the reason why he had had such a rotten time was because that was a house of females and he was totally sexist so, as Neji entered a house that was ALSO full of females, he decided that even though he WAS totally sexist, he would at least act as though he wasn't but mind you, he wasn't going to participate in something as ridiculous as Female Power Hour, if Kiba's family was psychotic enough to do something like that, that is, but he wouldn't go around announcing his negative feelings towards female ninjas, or females in general really, and just hold off on all those ill words, especially since Kiba's sister and his mom both appeared to be relatively skilled ninjas if they were able to pretty much sneak up on him and surprise him like they had in the doorway, and plus, Kiba's sister had a Chuunin vest and his mom had a Jounin vest so he SUPPOSED that had to count for something, even though Neji was pretty sure that the Hokage pretty much promotes anyone these days, especially since she was female, so it was probably likely that the female Hokage just promotes all women just to get a point across, and suddenly he became worried that she was sexist as well, but against men since a woman would be silly enough to hold random sexism against people who didn't deserve it since men were definitely the dominant and more skilled gender, but now he was worried he would have trouble with the upcoming Chuunin Tournament simply because he was male, and mind you, if he saw Tenten get promoted before him, or at all since he thought very little of Tenten and her skill, or lack thereof, then he would be quite angry and might just have to revolt and there would be blood, OH there would be blood, but in the meantime, Neji decided that he would keep his sexist thoughts a secret.

Oh snap. We win at life. And run-ons. That is not even a fragment, and if this site so allowed it, I would totally put seven thousand exclamation points at the end of it just to show how excited I am!

"Okay, okay," said Kiba to Neji once everyone was situated in the living room. "You already know Akamaru so this is my mom, and my sister Hana and obviously they're both girls."

"Hi!" chimed the females.

"Mom and Hana?" said Kiba. "This is Neji and he's incredibly sexist."

Neji slapped his forehead. So much for his awesome trail of thought that was illustrated through the art of a run-on sentence.

"Well that's okay." Said Tsume. "Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion whether it's right or wrong."

Neji cleared his throat and stood up. "Now that introductions are over with, do you have any private place where I could train for the upcoming Chuunin—"

"We're not done with introductions." Said Kiba, grabbing Neji and pulling him back on the couch.

Almost on cue, four huge dogs came in the room and Neji gave an exasperated sigh.

"This is Kuromaru." Kiba said. "Aomaru, Kiiromaru, Momoiromaru."

"Okay…that's nice." Said Neji, not really listening. OBVIOUSLY.

"Now that THAT'S out of the way, it's time to get our day started!" said Tsume as she stood up. "Neji, Kiba, Hana! Let's go!"

"Go where?" Neji asked.

"We have to round up all the dogs and take them to the V-E-T." Kiba said, spelling out the last word and saying it quieter than the rest of the sentence.

"The what?" said Neji. "The vet?"

As soon as he said that, all the dogs started going psycho and ran around crashing into things and causing disasters to occur. After they had wreaked enough havoc in the room, they all ran outside into the backyard.

"Neji!" said Tsume. "What would you say that?"

"Say what?" said Neji, looking confused.

"It's Vet Day in our family." Said Kiba. "Usually we tell them all that we're going on a mission or something, but now we have to go round them all up."

Neji raised an eyebrow. "You _tell _the dogs?" he repeated.

"Obviously." Said Hana. "How else would we convey to the dogs what our intentions are?"

Neji raised his eyebrow HIGHER. He knew that Kiba was kind of off, but he had kind of been hoping there would be SOME sanity in the Inuzuka household. Then again, if Kiba was as strange as he was then he must have gotten it somewhere.

"All right." Said Tsume, standing up. "I'll take care of Kuromaru, Kiba you take care of Akamaru, Hana you deal with Aomaru and Kiiromaru. And Neji… you can find Momiromaru."

"What?" said Neji, sounding outraged. "_I _have to do something?"

"Yes." Said Tsume. "Today you are apart of this family so you must fulfill the family's duties!" She crossed her arms. "Besides, it was your fault that they all ran off."

"Look, maybe you didn't know this because your son did not enter the Chuunin Exam but the Chuunin Exam Tournament is in just a couple of weeks and it's very important that I train in order to—" Neji began.

"Hold that thought." Said Tsume. "I'm sorry to remind you…"

She pulled out a paper from one of her pockets and showed it to Neji. It was the rules and guidelines of the National Adoption Month Celebrations.

"There will be no Chuunin Exam Tournament for you if you don't follow the rules of my household." Tsume reminded him.

"That is my least favorite aspect of those guidelines." Neji pouted.

"Okay everyone!" said Tsume as she put the paper back in her pocket. "SCATTER! Meet back here in ten minutes!"

Neji had incentive now that he suddenly realized that the sooner he rounded up the dogs and took them to the vet, the sooner he'd be able to train for the Chuunin Exam that no one was going to take away from him! No one, I tell you! NO ONE!

Neji went outside and activated his Byakugan. Unfortunately for Neji, the Inuzuka backyard was a lot bigger than he originally anticipated. In fact, he expected it to be mightily small in comparison to the Hyuuga complex. But, where the Inuzuka complex certainly lacked in grace and beauty, it made up for in QUANTITY.

Neji went over what he had just thought about and realized that it hardly made any sense at all so he decided he would just go out and search for that crazy dog.

He knew he had a leg up on the Inuzukas because he had his Byakugan. He chose to ignore the fact that the Inuzukas clearly had a bond with dogs that no one else in the entire world could possibly understand. No doubt he would find the dog and be back at the house within only three minutes and then would have to wait around for another seven minutes.

Confidently, he rolled up his sleeves. After all, it was November so it was chilly so he definitely was wearing a long sleeved shirt. Yes, even though Neji usually wears a short-sleeved shirt… NOT TODAY.

Anyway, that being totally irrelevant, Neji began his hunt. He located where the dog was in only a few seconds and began chasing after it. He couldn't remember what its name was, but he was pretty sure that animals were too stupid to respond to names and actually were just responding to a voice they found familiar. And Neji knew that his voice would not be familiar to this dog so he decided that that wasn't important.

Now, we'll continue with the theory that know that much about dogs or really understand the extent of their capabilities. How do we know this? Because Neji thought he could SNEAK UP ON A DOG. WTF. So he tiptoed up behind a tree and poked his head out.

Momoiromaru was staring right at him because he knew he was there. Neji glared at the dog, but the dog was undeterred. In fact, everyone knows that if you glare at a dog, they take it personally.

So, instead of cowering in fear like most humans do, Momoiromaru flashed his fangs and various other pointy implements in his mouth while growling and snarling directly at Neji. You see, not only did Neji not consider that this was a DOG, he did not consider that this was a NINJA DOG, which meant it also knew how to fight and sense an enemy.

Neji paused for a moment as the two of them just stared at each other. Neji's technique of intimidating his enemy with his glare wasn't exactly working with this opponent.

Suddenly, Momoiromaru pounced! Neji was stupefied at first, so he backed up and dodged just in time. Momoriomaru turned around and started prowling around looking agitated at ready to fight.

Even though the thought offended Neji so much, he got into his fighter's stance and became prepared for anything this foolish dog was going to dish out.

Then an intense battle began with lots of kicking, punching, pulling hair and name-calling. Both parties were pretty beat up as the fight dragged on for forty days and forty nights.

_JK_. HAHA. It was actually only about forty seconds, but long enough for both of them to get pretty dirty and scratched up, before both of them were suddenly halted by the sound of the rest of the Inuzuka family clearing their throats. Momoiromaru looked up from biting Neji's forearm and Neji looked up from his activity of punching Momoriomaru in the face to get him to stop biting his forearm.

"Well." Said Hana. "This is interesting."

"He started it." Said Neji immediately as Momoiromaru finally let go of his arm.

"Are you okay, Momoiromaru?" said Hana as she hugged her dog. Then she looked at Neji. "How dare you!"

"HE started it!" Neji repeated more defensively.

"Look at the two of you!" said Tsuma with an exasperated sigh. "You're both a mess! A bath is essential for both of you and then we're off to the you-know-what!"

Neji wasn't going to argue with cleansing himself so he peacefully and without argument went into the Inuzuka bathroom. Just when he was going to hop into the bath/shower, he took a look around to see that it was the most unsanitary area he had ever been in EVER in his LIFE. There was dog hair and mud everywhere and Neji speculated that perhaps he would emerge dirtier POST shower.

He put some time aside to quickly scrub the bath and fill it up. While he waited for it to fill up, he cleaned the entire bathroom to its fullest extent and even tied the garbage up and had half a mind to take it out since he doubted the Inuzukas would take it upon themselves to do so.

So he stripped down to nothing (OMFG NEJI'S NEKKED) and got into the bath. He had bubbles because he loves bubbles. How do we know? Cause everybody loves bubbles. And if you're one of those people who don't like bubbles then you better reconsider your priorities and get in touch with your inner bubble. Cause seriously, if NEJI likes bubbles and you don't, then there's something seriously wrong and angsty and emo about you.

There Neji was, MINDING his own business, when suddenly the door slammed open and made him jump with surprise. Kiba's elder sister was standing in the doorway.

He only sat there in his totally vulnerable state as she tapped her foot. "Are you almost done?" she said. "We have places to go."

His mouth only hung open like a big ugly fish that looked like Neji.

"Hey…did you clean up in here?" Hana said as she entered the bathroom and started looking around.

Neji grabbed the shower curtain and quickly closed it.

"Do you mind?" he demanded angrily.

"What?" said Hana. "You cleaned up our bathroom!"

"I'm TRYING to take a bath!" Neji reminded her.

"So?" said Hana.

"I would like some privacy!" Neji said as if it was obvious. And it was.

There was a slight pause.

"Okay…" said Hana as if his request was totally out of the ordinary and just plain weird.

"So could I have this room for a few minutes?" Neji said slowly.

"Sure, whatever." Said Hana. "But hurry up because Momoiromaru needs to take a bath too."

Hana left the room. Neji mouth continued to hang open because he didn't know how to react to what she had just said. THE DOGS BATHED IN THE SAME AREA AS THE PEOPLE?

He continued to sit there like a stuffed animal that hadn't quite sprung to life yet. He hastened his pace and got out of the bath and dried himself off. He couldn't wait to get back to his OWN house, a thought he never thought he'd think.

Then he looked down at his shredded clothing and suddenly remembered that it was shredded. The fact that they were shredded reminded him that the dog had shredded them.

So he stood there wondering what he was going to do next.

That's when the door slammed open again, and Neji quickly grabbed the closest thing to cover up his man parts.

"We don't have all day!" said Hana.

"Will you not do that anymore?" Neji yelled at her.

"What?" said Hana.

"Close the door!" he commanded.

Hana rolled her eyes and shut the door. Neji went over to the door and opened it just a tiny bit.

"And I need some clothes." He said.

"Oh, so now you want me to do a favor for you?" said Hana, putting her hands on her hips. "Forget it!"

She walked away. Neji glared at her turned back, and that's when Kiba innocently came around the corner.

"Kiba," Neji said. "Get my bag. I need some new clothes."

"Well that wasn't very smart." Said Kiba. "You should have thought of that BEFORE you got in the shower."

"I know." Said Neji coldly.

Kiba disappeared and returned a few minutes later with Neji's bag. Neji quickly clothed himself and then exited feeling refreshed even though he had just bathed in the same vicinity as dogs.

"By the way," said Neji to Kiba as they waited for the rest of his family to bath Momoiromaru. "What is with your sister having no regard for private time?"

"Private time?" Kiba said skeptically.

"While I was taking a bath and getting dressed, she came in on two different occasions without even knocking, and then she hung around even though I wasn't dressed." Neji elaborated.

Kiba looked at Neji blankly.

"I don't see what's so hard about this." Neji said when he realized that Neji was totally lost in every which way.

"Whatever, Neji." Said Kiba.

About five minutes later, Hana and Tsume entered with all the dogs nice and clean and ready to go to the YOU KNOW WHAT.

"All right, let's go now." Said Tsume.

They all went outside with their parade of four people and five doggies.

Neji felt kind of left out because the other people were talking to the doggies, and he could have sworn that they looked back at him occasionally and laughed.

"What?" said Neji after the aforementioned action happened again.

"Nothing!" chimed all those who spoke Neji's language. Neji knew they were lying to him so he tried not to let it bother him.

"After we drop the dogs at the V-E-T, they'll be there until tomorrow morning." Kiba explained to Neji when he was in a less exclusive mood.

"So we can only hope that no evil ninjas attack us without our dogs!" said Tsume as if that were funny.

"Kind of like the time when evil ninjas attacked us while our dogs were at the V-E-T?" said Kiba.

"That's why I said it." Said Tsume said.

"Oh." Said Kiba.

Neji couldn't wait for the day to be over.

As they got closer to YOU KNOW WHERE, it was clear that the dogs began to realize where they were going and starting whining, but they knew it was necessary for them to go so even though they WANTED to run away, they continued to follow their human companions.

There was a very tearful goodbye, especially on the canines' part, and all the bipeds left.

"It's always so sad to leave them." Said Tsume.

"You'll see them tomorrow." Neji reminded them.

"But it's still sad!" said Hana. "We're NEVER apart from our dogs."

"Don't mind them, Neji." Said Kiba, but it was obvious that he was crying on the inside because he missed Akamaru too.

"Is there any way I could get some training in before the day's over?" Neji requested.

"After dinner of course." Said Tsume.

"What are you making?" Neji asked.

"I don't cook." Said Tsume.

Neji pondered for a moment, and suddenly realized that maybe he didn't want to know what was going to happen. He imagined them all going out as a pack and hunting for small animals to rip to shreds and devour their flesh as it bled, and probably still twitched.

"Hana cooks." Tsume finished up.

"Oh." Said Neji. "You could have SAID that."

"I thought it was a given." Said Tsume.

"It wasn't." Neji retorted.

"Well then." Was all Tsume could respond with.

So the Inuzukas, who appear to be totally accepting of all things good, guided Neji, who is less than accepting of anything whatsoever, back to their lovely home where Hana cooked a lovely dinner and they all ate it. Lovingly.

They all sat around the table, and just when Neji was about to excuse himself to get some training done, he received a glare from the mother.

"Okay…what now?" Neji sighed.

"We're going to do a little family talking, like we do at the end of every dinner." Tsume replied. "And Neji, since you're our guest, you can go first."

Neji sat there silently. "What do I talk about?" he said.

"Is my family better than Tenten's?" Kiba suggested.

"KIBA!" said Hana and Tsume in THAT TONE.

"What?" said Kiba innocently. "I was just wondering…"

"It's still not an appropriate question." Said Hana.

More silence.

"So…is it?" Hana said randomly.

"Is what what?" said Neji.

"Is our family better than the other one you've stayed at?" Hana repeated. Tsume seemed quite eager to hear the answer as well.

"Um…" Neji said slowly. "If I say yes, will you all be happy?"

"For that comment, young man, you are cleaning the dishes!" said Tsume.

"What?" Neji said in a tone of disbelief.

"Hurray!" cheered Kiba. "And it was a 'Kiba does the dishes' night!"

"You're going to help him, Kiba." Said Tsume.

"What?" said Kiba, slamming his hand down on the table. "But I hate Neji!"

"Kiba, don't say that!" scolded Tsume. "Apologize right now!"

"It's okay, I don't really like him either." Said Neji with a shrug.

"Apologize, Kiba!" commanded Tsume.

"Sorry Neji." Grumbled Kiba.

"Now for that, Kiba, you can do the dishes alone." Tsume decided.

"Not fair!" complained Kiba.

Neji slapped his forehead. He got the feeling that Kiba needed The Talk. No, not THAT talk. But the one about how men are better than women at everything and Kiba had to realize that he was the man of the house and had to take charge.

"I'm going to go and train now." Neji said, standing up.

"Oh fine." Said Tsume. "But make sure you're in bed by nine thirty."

"Nine thirty?" Neji repeated, but then he realized TO HELL WITH IT and just not cause anymore controversy. "Fine, whatever…"


	58. Lee Adopts Sasuke

Chapter 58- Lee Adopts Sasuke

"It's so sad that you have to leave us already!" sighed Ino's mother as she helped Sasuke pack his bags.

"Um…yeah…" Sasuke said, wanting to leave this household ASAP. And that is pronounced Ay-sap. None of this silly 'A-S-A-P' business.

"Well, I hope you enjoy your stay at the Rock residence." Said Ino's mother as she opened the door and waved Sasuke off. "Please come back and visit us whenever you'd like!"

That's when the window to Ino's room opened up. "Sasuke!" she shouted. "How dare you try and leave without saying goodbye to me! I'll be right down! Don't go anywhere!"

She closed the window, and Sasuke bolted out of there as fast as he could. Probably faster than Lee without his weights on.

Speaking of Lee, Sasuke followed the Mapquest directions that Ino's mother had so kindly printed out for him so he could get to Lee's house without getting lost. Sasuke appreciated her kind gesture and took her map without arguing with her because arguing with her would just be silly because then he would have to find Lee's house on his own. And what kind of loser would NOT accept the map?

So Sasuke found his way there even though Mapquest can sometimes be a tad unreliable but in this case it WASN'T because Ino's mom double-checked.

Sasuke gave a heavy sigh and knocked on the front door. He expected two crazy people with gigantic eyebrows to fling the door open and pull him into their scary house in which they would do all sorts of strange things that Lee tended to do.

Well, the door DID open but it wasn't really FLUNG. And there WERE two people standing there and they DID have gigantic eyebrows, but they weren't crazy. At least, not at a first glance.

"You must be Uchiha Sasuke." Said the male. Even though he had an overall look to him that was similar to Lee, he definitely wasn't wearing a green bodysuit and didn't have his hair cut like a bowl.

"I am." Said Sasuke proudly. Cause he was proud of it.

"My name is Rock Jet." Said the male. "This is my wife, Jackie."

"Oh." Said Sasuke. You win if you figure out the puns!

"Come in." said Jackie.

They beckoned Sasuke into their house, which was immaculately clean and sparkly and surprisingly big and wonderful. They sat down at the kitchen table, which was one of those really extra long tables that extended across the entire kitchen. Jackie sat at one head while Jet sat at the other, and the only other seat was one plopped right in the middle so Sasuke sat there.

He twiddled his fingers in a bored fashion as he waited for Jet and Jackie to do anything, but they were just staring at him.

"So…" Sasuke said, trying to start conversation even if it was going to have to be awkward conversation. "Where's Lee?"

"We don't know." Said Jet. "We hardly ever know where he is."

"He might be out training." Jackie shrugged.

"Or associating himself with that teacher of his." Jet added.

"Ah yes." Said Jackie.

The three of them sat in silence again.

"Sasuke," Jet said randomly. "Lee tells us that you are a skilled ninja and that you were the Number One Rookie from your year, which is one year later than Lee."

"Um…yeah." Said Sasuke, not really knowing how else to respond to that since it was really just a declarative statement.

"Have you ever fought my son?" Jet asked.

"A few times…" Sasuke answered.

Silence.

"I'll go make some tea." Said Jackie as she stood up and went to the stove, which was gigantic. And clean.

Sasuke only watched her go before Jet cleared his throat and Sasuke once again gave his attention to the father.

"Lee graduated at the very bottom of his class." He sighed, sounding somewhat hopeless.

"Yeah…okay…" said Sasuke.

Jet raised an eyebrow. "You're not very talkative, are you?" he said.

Sasuke wanted to tell him that it was because they were talking about random and awkward things, but that would have been rude. So he only sort of nodded and agreed.

"Maybe you could train with Lee a little bit so he could become a better ninja and a formidable opponent." Jackie said as she returned with the tea.

"Yes, for the Chuunin Exam Tournament coming up." Agreed Jet as he sipped his tea. "This will be the first time Lee is in the tournament."

Sasuke stared at them blankly. "I suppose…" he said.

Just then, the front door opened. "MOM! DAD! I'M HOME!"

Jet and Jackie both cringed visibly as Lee rounded the corner with tattered clothing and covered in dirt head to toe.

"Oh!" said Lee as he tramped over, leaving a trail of filth as he walked. "Sasuke! You're here already! Good morning! I would have been here to greet you but I promised Gai I would train with him as the sun came up!"

He saluted Sasuke and his parents as well.

"Lee," sighed Jackie. "I just cleaned this floor."

"Sorry, Mom!" said Lee as he started wandering around the kitchen in search of a mop. "I will clean it up for you since it was I who created the mess!"

"That's all right, you don't have to." Said Jackie as she practically ambushed him in attempt to keep him from creating more of a mess. "Just go upstairs and clean yourself off, then come down here and spend time with us and your guest."

"Yes ma'am!" said Lee as he ran upstairs faster than the speed of light.

Then there was silence in the kitchen for a little bit.

"As you can see," said Jet to Sasuke. "Our son is very special."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He wasn't sure if he would use the word 'special' to describe Lee.

"He needs all the training his can get, especially since he can't use ninjutsu or genjutsu." Sighed Jet.

"What a tragedy!" said Jackie as she nearly wept. "Oh, please forgive me, Sasuke, I did not mean drop our troubles and burdens on you…"

"You see, Sasuke," said Jet, standing up and pacing very slowly. "I do not wish for the Great Rock Legacy to halt at Lee simply because he is not skilled enough to become a chuunin. When I was his age, I was a chuunin already."

Sasuke wanted to say something, but he was too dumbfounded by the stupidity he was being faced with that he couldn't even respond.

So he stood up. "Maybe I'll take my bags to the couch or something…" he said.

"You may sleep in the guestroom if you so desire." Said Jet.

"Okay…that works…" Sasuke said as he grabbed all his bags and ran out of the kitchen as fast as possible. He quickly realized he didn't know where the guestroom was so he wandered around aimlessly for a bit, chuckled warmly ON THE INSIDE at the footprints Lee had created leading from the front door, and then eventually found a bedroom that was totally clean and for the most part empty.

He dropped his stuff on the bed and then sat down. Lee's parents weren't as crazy as he was, but they certainly were strange. Then again, maybe just the contrast was strange.

So Sasuke situated himself so he could be more comfortable in his atmosphere, and a little while later he heard a knock at the door. When he opened it, Lee was standing there looking clean and bathed.

"Good morning, Sasuke!" he cheered. "Once again, I apologize for not being present in the minute upon your arrival, but as I previously explain, Gai wished for me to with him as the—"

"All right, all right," Sasuke interrupted. "I really… just don't care."

"Oh." Said Lee, looking slightly dejected. He then suddenly changed his mood and looked really excited. "I was actually looking forward to you spending the day at my house!"

"Were you?" Sasuke said skeptically.

"Yes!" said Lee. "My parents don't let me have friends over! Not even Tenten and Neji have ever been inside my house for longer than just a couple of minutes!"

"Well, I'm glad this is such a wonderful experience for YOU." Said Sasuke, but it was pretty clear to everyone EXCEPT LEE that he was being sarcastic.

"YAY!" cheered Lee as he leapt into the air. "We're going to have so much fun being brothers today! What do you want to do first? Do you want to play Parcheesi? Or use Walkie-Talkies? Or make a lemonade stand? Or maybe we could—"

"Lee." Sasuke interrupted again. "Your parents suggested we should train."

"Oh yes!" said Lee, looking as though he had an epiphany. "That would be a good idea, especially with the Chuunin Exam Tournament coming up in a few weeks!"

"All right," Sasuke said. "Less talking, and more moving to a place where we can train."

"I like your style, Sasuke." Said Lee. "Reminds me a lot of Neji!"

Sasuke got offended. "Don't compare me to Neji." He threatened. "I'm nothing like him."

"Actually, Sasuke…" Lee pondered. "You are very similar to him."

"That's not true." Said Sasuke.

"Oh yes it is!" said Lee. "You're both Number One Rookies from your appointed years, you're both geniuses, you're both very angsty, you both have an advanced bloodline, you're both—"

"Enough!" Sasuke said. "What did I just say? Less talking and more moving to a place where we can train!" The truth? He just didn't want to admit that it was true.

"Okay!" said Lee as he guided Sasuke around the corner. "I know one thing that's very different about you and Neji, though… you're fighting styles! How exciting it will be to fight a NON Gentle Fist fighter!"

Sasuke wanted to make a derogatory comment about the Gentle Fist Fighting Style but then he realized that Neji wasn't around to get offended by it so saying anything about it at all would have been really pointless because it's not like Lee really cared about how Sasuke felt about the Gentle Fist.

"Where are you two going?" Jackie asked as she walked around the corner while mopping up Lee's mess.

"We're going to train in the backyard!" Lee said excitedly.

Jackie looked less than excited. "Lee," she said in THAT TONE.

"Yes, dear mother?" Lee said.

"Your father suggested that the two of you train, but I don't think that is a very good idea." She said.

"Why?" said Lee and Sasuke.

"Well, in the guidelines we received…" Jackie pulled a piece of paper out of her apron pocket. "It says that Sasuke has come to this house in order to experience a family environment. Sasuke can train every other day of his life, but he can't spend time with a family every other day of his life."

"By golly…" said Lee as his eyes welded up with tears. "You're right mother! How could I have been so selfish?"

He grabbed Sasuke and pulled him into a hug.

"I'M SO SORRY!" he wailed.

"Lee, let go of me!" said Sasuke as he pushed Lee away. "I don't care about this holiday. I just have to train to become a better ninja so I can be ready for the chuunin exam. And you need to train to be ready too."

"Oh, I already trained this morning so you don't have to worry about me." Lee assured him. "Come, let us do things that a real family does!"

"I'd rather just train…" Sasuke trailed off as Lee dragged him into the living room where Jet was already sitting. He was quickly followed by Jackie.

"What is the meaning of this, Lee?" Jet said.

"Father!" said Lee. "We must give Sasuke a REAL family environment!"

He pulled open a drawer and pulled out an old box. With much enthusiasm, he blew all the dust off the box and held it up triumphantly.

"We shall play Parcheesi!" he declared.

"I'll get the duster…" said Jackie woefully as she helplessly watched all the dust flutter around the room.

"Please don't do this to me…" Sasuke pleaded as he put his head in his hand and shook it in disbelief.

"All right, Sasuke, do you know how to play Parcheesi?" Lee asked as he excitedly set all the pieces up.

"Um…no." Sasuke admitted.

"Okay!" said Lee. "The rules are very easy! I'll explain them!" Lee took a deep breath. "The Parcheesi board has sixty-eight squares in all. Sixteen of these are safe squares. A pawn that does catch up to an opponent' pawn on an unsafe square 'eats' it and then continues the rest of the player' turn. When a player sends another player' pawn back to its nest, that player gains 20 points that he may move with only one of his pawns."

Sasuke stared at Lee with a "WTF?" expression.

"_Five_ has a special value in this game because it serves to get pawns out of the nest where they begin the game. When a _five_ is tossed, or any combination totalling _five_, the player must get a pawn out of the nest if possible—"

"Lee, stop." Said Sasuke. "I am not following any of this."

"But these rules are so EASY!" Lee yelled as he slammed his hands on the table.

"Lee, calm down." Said Jet just as Jackie came back in and started dusting around.

"Maybe we should just play a game that you already know." Said Lee as he tossed the board behind him so all the pieces scattered across the floor.

Jackie sighed and put down her duster, starting her next task.

"What sort of games do you know?" said Lee to Sasuke.

"Um…the game that involves training." Sasuke answered.

"I've got it!" Lee exclaimed. "Let's make a lemonade stand! Won't that be fun, Sasuke?"

"No. It won't be." Sasuke answered but his answer was either too late or too quiet because Lee had already sprung up and started to drag him towards the garage.

"Jet, dear, you should help Lee with the hammer and nails." Jackie advised as she finally put the Parcheesi box away.

"I'm busy." Said Jet as he crossed his legs casually (but like a MAN) and opened up his newspaper.

Jackie took the paper away from him. "Otherwise," she began. "He will probably break something."

Jet was battling internally for a little while, when he suddenly heard the sound of something breaking in the garage.

"Fine…" said Jet in an exasperated tone as he stood up and walked to the garage where he found Lee pounding wildly at a piece of wood with a hammer as Sasuke only stood idly by looking awkward. AS USUAL. Jet yoinked the hammer out of Lee's hand as he went to take another swing.

"DAAAAAD!" cried Lee. "We have to make a lemonade stand!"

"We really DON'T…" Sasuke begun.

"Let me show you how to do it correctly." Said Jet as he took the time to take nails out and more than one piece of wood.

Lee watched on with sparkles in his eyes as his dad constructed an amazing lemonade stand. Sasuke got bored after a little while and started practicing some ninjatastic moves in the background, until Jet finally yelled at him to come over and steady a piece of wood for him.

"It's really important that I—" Sasuke began.

"SASUKE." Said Jet in an elevated tone.

Sasuke came over and held the wood as Lee begged for a task.

"Go and ask your mother to make some lemonade." Jet commanded.

"YES SIR!" Lee screamed as he ran out.

Jet and Sasuke worked in silence for a little while.

"Sasuke, do you normally practice never standing up for yourself?" Jet asked randomly.

Sasuke paused for a long while. "No." he said finally.

"Is that true?" Jet said with a SERIOUS LOOK. Though it wasn't really that serious because he had a really stupid looking face.

"Um…yeah." Said Sasuke.

"Have you ever made a lemonade stand before?" Jet asked.

Sasuke was starting to get angry. He couldn't stand being interrogated, especially about random stupid stuff that he didn't feel like talking about. It was pretty obvious that he had never made a lemonade stand before, except for that one time in the summer when he was five or six and Itachi decided to make a lemonade stand. It was really good because they put it right outside the house and all the random Uchiha people walking by bought some lemonade from them and gave them tips.

Of course, this made Sasuke sad because he was remembering his Uchiha family members, which were all dead. But we knew that. He also got angrier because he thought of Itachi and how he was PRETENDING to be nice by making a lemonade stand. So then he got vengeful.

And Jet was only sitting there watching Sasuke's face contort into differing yet equally extreme expressions.

Before Jet could inquire Sasuke's thought process, Lee suddenly returned.

"Mom sent me away so she could make the lemonade because she said you would need my help more!" said Lee.

"No, I think your mother needs your help." Said Jet.

"But…but…" Lee said, looking SO confused.

"Could we just train or something?" Sasuke requested pleasantly. "Mr. Rock, didn't you say you were a ninja?"

"Of course I am." Said Jet.

"Dad is the best ninja in the whole village!" said Lee.

"He's right." Said Jet.

"Oh really?" said Sasuke. "How come I've never heard of you?"

"Because you're just a kid." Jet reminded him.

Sasuke glared at his caregivers.

"Well," said Jet, looking back to the lemonade stand that they obviously just made in record-breaking speed. "You're all set with a lemonade stand. Just take it outside and enjoy. Don't come back inside until at least the end of the day, please."

Lee hoisted the lemonade stand above his head and carried it into the front yard. Sasuke crossed his arms and only watched and didn't offer to help. When Jackie came outside with the giant tub of lemonade, Sasuke slapped his forehead because that was totally WAY too much lemonade and there was no way they would be able to sell it all.

Sasuke got the feeling he was going to be stuck selling lemonade for a very very long time.

"Lee, how about we just—" Sasuke started.

"SH!" said Lee. "You'll scare away the customers!"

A tumbleweed blew by.

"Okay…" Sasuke said more quietly. "While we're waiting for customers, do you want to spar or train or something?"

Sasuke looked at Lee's turned back as he sat behind the lemonade stand with his hands folded, eagerly awaiting someone to come by.

"Lee, I thought you were the one who was obsessed with training." Sasuke reminded him.

"Sasuke!" said Lee. "We have to sell lemonade! Now sit down and wait for customers just like me!"

Sasuke pouted and sat down. "No one's gonna want to by lemonade in November." Sasuke said under his breath but obviously loud enough for Lee to hear. Otherwise it would be pointless to say it.

"If I passed by a lemonade stand in November, I would definitely buy some!" declared Lee.

Sasuke sighed and drummed his fingers on the makeshift lemonade stand.

"No one's going to come, Lee." He sighed.

"SOMEONE WILL COME." Said Lee and he was totally convinced of this fact.

Yes, Lee was right in a way. People did come. But not that many people. They got a few customers and ended up making a couple of dollars, but in the end they probably lost a lot of money because of all the lemonade stuff that had been purchased to supply them with…lemonade.

Eventually, whence the sun was setting, they retreated back into the house and retired the lemonade stand to the back of the garage.

"HA HA HA!" laughed Lee as he pointed at an older looking lemonade stand that was already sitting there. "I forgot that I made a lemonade stand this summer."

"Lee…" said Sasuke as he barely refrained from killing Lee.

They went inside to where Jackie was sitting on the couch knitting and Jet was reading a book about war.

"What's for dinner, Mom?" asked Lee.

Jackie looked up pleasantly and put down her knitting. She took the two boys into the kitchen and whipped up a very large and very loving dinner as Jet just continued to sit in the other room like a knave.

After a hearty meal, Lee insisted that everyone watch a family movie. They ended up watching The Sound of Music, which Lee cried all the way through, before Lee's parents finally punted them out of the living room and forced them to go to bed.

Yes, those last few hours of the night were rather abrupt but this chapter is already running long so we must press forward at breakneck speed.

"Wow, that was SO much fun to have a brother for the day." Said Lee as he and Sasuke went upstairs. "Did you have as much fun as I did, Sasuke?"

"Lee, I don't think it's possible to have as much fun or more fun than you." Sasuke confessed.

"Wow!" said Lee. "I will take that as a compliment! Actually, Sasuke, I'm really grateful that you came over because my parents and I never really hang out like that."

"Really?" said Sasuke sarcastically. "I didn't get THAT vibe."

"Oh." Said Lee with a nod. "Well, it was fun to hang out with my parents, and with you Sasuke!"

Sasuke started inching over to the guestroom. "Okay…" he said slowly.

"Whom are you spending the day with tomorrow?" Lee said.

"Er…Chouji." Sasuke replied.

"Have fun with that!" said Lee. "And Godspeed!"

Lee leapt into his room and shut the door. Sasuke backtracked into the guestroom and slowly shut the door. After a moment of reflection and consideration of the day he had just experienced, Sasuke changed into his Uchiha fan pajamas and retired for the night.

**A few people have said that Lee doesn't actually have parents and that they were killed in a fight against the Fox Demon. If that is so, then we totally missed that and we just say OH WELL! If the Hokage mountain is a golf course and Japanese ninjas from another universe celebrate the 4th of July, then Lee can have parents.**


	59. Hinata Adopts Naruto

Chapter 59- Hinata Adopts Naruto

Hinata was sitting by herself holding her puppy, Oniba (remember him?) who is not so much a puppy anymore. Well, he is. But he's getting older.

She was super nervous about Naruto coming over. In fact, she hadn't slept all night because she was so ultra nervous. The upside was, of course, that Neji had been away all day yesterday, and would be gone all day today, AND ALL DAY TOMORROW. WOW.

The whole Hyuuga household DID feel lighter, and she thought that maybe since her father was in a good mood since he was at a certain lack of negativity, perhaps now was the best time to tell him that Naruto was coming over.

"Fa-Father…?" Hinata stuttered as she rounded the corner and quietly put Oniba on the floor so he could frolic off. After all, her dad didn't really like Oniba all that much so it was probably best to not have him around.

"What is it, Hinata?" said Hinata's father, Hiashi, as he only sat there silently in the room by himself looking creepy.

"The thing is," she began. "Our teachers have been suggesting that we celebrate every holiday in the year…"

"You have already explained this to me." Said Hiashi, ALREADY sounding cross.

"Yes!" said Hinata nervously. "Well, you know how this month is National Adoption Month…"

"Yes, I know." Said Hiashi. "That is why Neji is not around."

He looked somewhat relieved.

"Yes, so anyway…" Hinata tried to continue. "The thing is, there are others who have to go around and spend the night at people's houses…"

"Hinata." Said Hiashi, standing up but still looking as evil as he did whilst he was sitting down. "Are you trying to tell me that there is going to be a strange NON HYUUGA child staying here at this house?"

Hinata lowered her head. "Yes…" she said quietly.

Hiashi gave a sigh through his teeth as if this was probably the worst thing in the entire world. "Who is he?" he said finally.

"Uzumaki Naruto." Hinata replied. "He was the one who fought Neji in the Chuunin Exam tournament and beat him some time ago."

Hiashi paused. "Oh." He said with a satisfied nod. "I get the feeling that my subconscious wanted to eventually meet him anyway. Maybe."

Hinata didn't know exactly what that meant, but it didn't sound TOO bad. She was relieved her father had taken it so well, especially since the doorbell rang at that exact moment. I swear, Naruto has the BEST timing! (Oh sorry, did we just give away the fact that it was Naruto at the door? Well, I should hope it was obvious.)

"Why don't you get the door, Hinata?" suggested Hiashi.

"I'll get it!" said Hanabi who happened to be walking by.

"Oh—" said Hinata lamely since SHE wanted to be the one to open the door for Naruto but now her wishes and desires were shot. Shot to crap. (It's PG, folks. Sorry.)

So Hinata got over herself a few seconds later and went into the front hallway where the door was.

"Wow!" said Naruto as he tromped in and dropped all his stuff all over the floor. He paused a moment and scrunched his nose up. "It smells weird in here!"

Hanabi looked at Hinata uneasily.

"Uh…" Hinata began. "Hanabi, this is Naruto. Naruto, this is Hanabi, my younger sister."

"Uzumaki Naruto!" said Naruto, putting his hand out for Hanabi to shake. "The future Hokage at your service!"

"All right…" said Hanabi as she sort of backed away.

That's when Hiashi rounded the corner.

"YOU must be my Dadoo!" said Naruto, looking content.

"Dadoo?" said Hiashi with a raised eyebrow.

"Naruto, this is my father." Hinata introduced them.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" said Naruto as he held out his hand for Hiashi. Hiashi cautiously took it. Naruto looked around. "I am STARVED!"

Hiashi frowned slightly. THIS was the kid who beat Neji?

"So what are you trying to say?" Hiashi mustered finally.

"I'm hungry!" said Naruto. "I already said that!"

"We've already eaten breakfast." Hanabi said.

"That's okay!" said Naruto. "I'll be all right."

With that, he started marching off.

"If he'll be all right, why is he marching towards the kitchen?" Hiashi said to his daughters.

Hinata chased after him and found that he was searching through the cabinets. When he noticed Hinata enter, he stood up straight. "All you guys have is Hyuuga Flakes!" he declared.

"I'm sorry." Said Hinata timidly as if it were her fault. Then again, it kinda IS her fault. But not in a bad sort of way that she needed to feel bad about it.

"I guess I'm not THAT hungry…" Naruto sighed. "After all, I DID finish off Shino's box of Oh's while he was still sleeping this morning…"

"Sorry we don't have any different cereal." Hinata said lamely.

"It's okay!" said Naruto with a sigh. "So…what do you Hyuuga's do for fun around here, anyway?"

Naruto looked past Hinata to see both Hiashi and Hanabi staring at him through the doorway of the kitchen.

He raised his eyebrow and looked back at Hinata.

"Hey…" he whispered as he leaned in and pointed at her crazy family.

Hinata looked behind her. "Oh!" she said. "That's my father and sister!"

Naruto stood up straight. "I know that." He said. "You already introduced them to me."

"Oh." Said Hinata. "Sorry."

"It's okay!" Naruto assured her. "But why are they staring at me?"

Hiashi cleared his throat once he realized that his cover was blown and strutted into the kitchen area so he could tower over Naruto and loom creepily and mysteriously and ominously. And other adjectives.

"Young man," began Hiashi.

"Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto corrected. "Maybe we really DO have to do introductions again."

Hiashi cleared his throat AGAIN to silence Naruto.

Naruto sensed the evil and was promptly silenced.

"Neji is my nephew," Hiashi went on.

"I know." Said Naruto.

Hiashi glared at Naruto. "Speak only when I ask you a question." He commanded.

"Oh." Said Naruto. "Okay."

"Anyway, Neji is my nephew and surely you remember the time at the Chuunin Exam Tournament in which you—"

"I beat him! Yeah. Good times."

Hiashi's eye twitched. Naruto must have noticed because he quickly shut his mouth.

"Would you care you explain how to tapped into the power to defeat him in a single punch?" Hiashi requested.

"Um…" said Naruto. "Could we…I don't know… go to a theme park instead?"

"A what?" said Hiashi.

"Aw man!" said Naruto. "Don't tell me you guys never go to theme parks either! This is so lame."

"A theme park!" exclaimed Hanabi. "That would be fun! Let's go to a theme park, Dad!"

"Yeah, Dadoo!" said Naruto.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" demanded Hiashi as he got WAY too defensive WAY too fast.

"Forget it!" sighed Naruto. "Let's just go to a theme park."

"No." said Hiashi sternly.

And thus, his word was final.

"Soooo…" said Naruto slowly. "Since we're not going to a theme park… what do you guys do for fun instead?"

Hiashi looked at Hinata. "What have you been telling him, Hinata?" he asked.

"What do you mean, Father?" Hinata said nervously.

"Why is he under the impression that we go to theme parks?" Hiashi said.

"It's not just YOU GUYS!" said Naruto. "I just figured that was a normal family activity! And since you have a guest today, maybe we could go to a theme park…"

"If I hear the words 'theme park' one more time then I will become cross." Hiashi threatened. And yes, that WAS the best threat he could come up with. But everyone knew not to defy him because he's scary and creepy and quite evil actually. But I guess that's only true if you're on Neji's side. Then again, he seems pretty evil all around anyway. So never mind.

ANYWAY.

"Yeah so…" Naruto began, trying to get someone else to do the talking but they all just stared at him as if they were waiting for him to continue. But that would be a logical thing for them to be doing since he did say "yeah so…" which implies that he has something to say. So Naruto's plan kind of backfired on him. Though, it's not like that's something NEW! HAW HAW HAW!

Hinata finally took a hint, because she promptly said, "Would you like a tour of the house, Naruto?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow and was hoping that Hinata was kidding, but she looked pretty sincere.

"Um…sure…" said Naruto.

"Okay!" said Hinata excitedly as she gestured for Naruto to follow her. Hiashi and Hanabi only watched the two of them go.

"Is that really the kid who defeated Neji?" Hanabi asked.

Hiashi glared. "Supposedly…" he said slowly. "Though I am having my doubts as well."

The two of them stood there looking creepy and/or weird. Or maybe they looked cool, depending on what you think about them. I think they're creepy and weird, but that's just me.

Meanwhile, with the exciting tour…

"So that's the backyard out there where we do most of our training…" Hinata narrated as they rounded the corner.

"Haha!" laughed Naruto. "Thanks for getting me out of that, Hinata."

"What?" said Hinata.

"Your dad was seriously creeping me out." Said Naruto. "Thanks for giving me an excuse to just leave with a bogus tour of the house or whatever as if I care, you know."

Hinata paused and blinked a few times.

"Oh." She said. "Right. Your welcome."

"So…now that that's all out of the way…" Naruto said. "What should we do? Hey, did you make it to the Tournament this time around?"

"No, I didn't enter the exam." Hinata replied.

"Oh yeah!" said Naruto. "Are you going to come to watch?"

"Yes." Hinata nodded. "I had planned on it."

"Neat!" said Naruto. "Maybe I'll get Neji and everyone can see me beat him AGAIN."

"Um…okay…" Hinata said slowly.

"So ANYWAY!" said Naruto for about the fifteenth time since he had arrived there. "What do you do for FUN around here? Do you really just walk around aimlessly all day?"

Hinata didn't really know what to say to that.

"Okay…" said Naruto. "Let's um…I don't know. Any ideas?"

Hinata shrugged.

Naruto gave an exasperated sigh. "The reason for this holiday is to spend time with a family, but so far…" he started, but then stopped and realized that what he was about to say probably wouldn't be nice to say while Hinata was standing right there.

"So far…?" Hinata led.

"Um…" Naruto said slowly. "Let's go on a family walk or something!"

Hinata wasn't going to point out that that didn't make any sense because she figured Naruto had filtered whatever he was going to say, so instead she frolicked off to find her father and sister again and request for them to go on a walk with her and Naruto. You might have thought that that was going to be another amazing run-on sentence. WELL YOU'RE WRONG! We don't want you overdosing on run-ons, do we? Trust me, it'll come when you least expect it.

It took quite a lot of convincing to get the two of them to get ready and come outside. After the fact, Hinata kicked herself for convincing them because if she hadn't then she would have been able to take a walk with Naruto. ALONE. OMFG.

But, sadly, that didn't happen. Hiashi and Hanabi were there.

Hiashi was acting like the biggest stick in the mud ever as if taking a walk was really THAT huge of a deal and he simply could not think of anything that would be more annoying. I MEAN seriously.

Hanabi was like WHATEVER because it's not like she has a real personality anyway.

"Let's eat!" said Naruto randomly.

"What?" said the Hyuugas.

"It's not like any of you guys are thinking of something we can do." Said Naruto with a frown.

"But we just ate." Hanabi said.

"Well, like I just said…" Naruto frowned.

"Very well." Said Hiashi as he turned around.

"Um…where are you going, Dadoo?" asked Naruto.

"Home." Said Hiashi. And, yes, he DID just answer to the name 'Dadoo'. Even if he IS evil, even he knows that sometimes there are battles one can just not win. And arguing with Naruto about food is DEFINITELY a battle that he didn't even plan to bother trying to win.

"Why?" Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't you say you wanted to eat?" Hiashi said, looking as though he was going to pop a blood vessel due to extreme anger, even though there was literally nothing he should be SO angry about.

"Yeah…" said Naruto slowly. "But OUT somewhere."

"Eat OUT?" said Hiashi.

"Yeah!" said Hanabi. "That'll be fun!"

"Is that all right, Father?" Hinata requested.

"Come on, Dadoo!" begged Naruto.

"FINE." Said Hiashi.

"YES!" cheered Naruto. "And I know just the place we can go!"

Naruto had a Hulk moment and grabbed all three of them and hoisted them over his head, sprinting as fast as he could to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table where you could order the food and then cook it right then and there on the table.

They all sat down and Naruto folded his hands.

"Hey wait…" said Naruto slowly. "I'm getting déjà vu…"

"Are you?" said Hiashi, looking the opposite of interested.

"Yes!" said Naruto as he spun around to see Shikamaru and Chouji. "Weren't you guys here yesterday?"

Shikamaru and Chouji stared at him.

"Weren't you?" Shikamaru said finally.

"Obviously I was if I saw you guys here yesterday." Naruto said.

"That's true." Chouji pointed out.

Shikamaru leaned over and looked at Naruto's company. "So…how's it going with your family for the day?" he asked.

"Good." Said Naruto with a nod. "You were wrong, though. Hinata's dad is letting me call him Dadoo."

"Good for you." Said Shikamaru.

"He's right, Shikamaru, you DID say that Naruto wouldn't be able to get Hinata's dad to call him Dadoo." Chouji said.

"I know." Said Shikamaru, looking annoyed. "Well, I'm going to make sure that my dad doesn't let you call him Dadoo."

"Why?" said Naruto. "Just to annoy me? That's petty."

"You're right." Said Shikamaru. "And it's troublesome too."

"We're not going to be able to come to this restaurant tomorrow, Shikamaru." Said Chouji. "Because Sasuke will be at my house and Naruto will be at your house."

"Why does that mean we can't come to this restaurant?" gasped Naruto.

He was suddenly interrupted, however, because Hiashi cleared his throat since he was sick of being ignored. Naruto spun around and gave him his undivided attention.

"If you're going to drag us to a place like this then you should at least have conversation with us." Said Hiashi.

"You're right." Said Naruto. "Sorry, Dadoo. I wasn't acting like a PROPER son should act!"

Naruto chuckled warmly, but then stopped.

"Whoa, I got weird déjà vu again." He said.

The crazy family got their food, cooked it RIGHT THEN AND THERE ON THE TABLE BECAUSE THERE WAS A GRILL THERE, and wiped their mouths. It was tasty and wonderful. The best kind of food is abrupt, and that certainly was abrupt.

Naruto bid Shikamaru and Chouji a farewell and frolicked out the door. He was soon followed by the Hyuugas who certainly LESS THAN FROLICKED.

"What now?" Naruto said, clapping his hands. "How about… theme park?"

"I am cross now." Hiashi said with a glare.

Naruto looked Hiashi up and down and then decided that he didn't really care! So tough cookies to Hiashi and his 'I am cross!' threat.

"And don't go telling me that it's time for Hide-and-Seek or that it's time for bed because I'm not falling for all that!" Naruto said. "There's no way you guys are ditching me."

Hiashi tried not to look TOO disappointed.

"Let's rent a family movie!" Naruto gasped as they passed by a movie rental place that the Hyuugas had likely never been inside.

"Rent a family movie?" said Hiashi.

"You seem to repeat whatever I say in the form of a question a lot." Naruto observed, putting his hands on his hips.

"Fine." Said Hiashi since he was getting grumpy.

They went in the movie rental place and asked the person behind the counter where the FAMILY MOVIE SECTION was! That section is so wonderful that I put it in all caps.

"All right," said Naruto as he stood before the family movies. "We have to watch a really great family bonding movie because you guys have less family chemistry than Sasuke and Itachi."

Naruto paused.

"But more than Shino and his dad." He decided.

The Hyuugas all raised their eyebrows.

"What is he talking about?" Hanabi whispered to anyone who would listen to her. Which was no one.

"How about 'The Iron Giant'?" Naruto suggested, pulling the aforementioned movie off the shelf.

Everyone else was just like: WTF NARUTO. JUST PICK A MOVIE.

So Naruto decided on the Iron Giant since no one else was giving him any feedback. They rented it, and frolicked off back to the house. Except the Hyuugas OBVIOUSLY didn't frolic.

"Okay!" cheered Naruto as he ran inside the house. "Where's the TV?"

When he got no response, Naruto slowly turned around.

"Don't tell me you guys don't have a TV." Naruto glared at them.

"Um…" they said slowly.

Naruto looked like he was going to explode. "Why did you let me rent a movie if you knew you didn't have a TV?" he demanded angrily.

"We thought it would have been a given." Said Hiashi.

"What, did you all telepathically decide that it was a given?" Naruto inquired.

They paused.

"Yes." They said finally. AT THE SAME TIME.

"Well whatever." Said Naruto as he tossed the movie behind him. "Even though I wanted to see the movie and improve the family atmosphere, I don't really care all THAT much."

"Oh good," said Hinata in a legitimately sincere voice.

"So now that that idea is ruined, what should we do as a family next?" Naruto said. "I mean, I'm still up for the theme park idea."

"I already said that I refuse to take you to a theme park." Said Hiashi.

"Well then come up with an idea so you can entertain me because THUSFAR, I am very bored!" Naruto commanded.

"We could…train…" said Hiashi.

Naruto groaned. "Is that the only thing families do when they don't like spending time with each other?"

"Maybe." Said Hiashi.

"Fine." Said Naruto, crossing his arms. "I have to train for the Chuunin Exam Tournament anyway."

Hiashi gave a sigh of relief that he didn't have to listen to Naruto complain about going to a theme park anymore. They all trudged to the backyard where they do their training, and Naruto knew exactly where it was because of the helpful tour that Hinata gave him!

They commenced their training and it wasn't that interesting because Naruto was not enthralled with training with these random people who were overly cocky and pompous simply because they are Hyuugas and Hyuugas naturally think they're better than everyone else. Hinata even offered to teach him how to use the Gentle Fist just for kicks, but Naruto decided that he was too bored.

So Naruto eventually left the Hyuuga household and went off to get some Ramen at his favorite Ramen place that has yet to be mentioned in this entire story.

There he met Iruka for another filler encounter.

"Why so down, Naruto?" Iruka asked.

"I'm just sad because so far the two families I've been spending the day with have been completely uninterested in actually doing anything with me." Naruto sighed.

"Well, Naruto, keep in mind that these families have been the way they are for all these years and you are new to the family and…" Iruka trailed off. "Well, I don't really know what you're talking about at all."

"Yeah, cause I haven't explained it to you." Naruto reminded him.

"Oh yeah." Said Iruka with a nod. "Well, Naruto, if all else fails, you can always hang out with ME!"

"Yeah!" said Naruto, but then he glanced at the clock. "Oh yeah! I have to get back since I never even really said I was leaving! I'll catch you later, Iruka!"

"Bye Naruto!" said Iruka, waving off Naruto.


	60. Sakura Adopts Neji

Chapter 60- Sakura Adopts Neji

"And WHAT kind of mother would I be if I didn't drop you off at your next home for the day?" Tsume rambled pointlessly as she followed Neji on his way over to Sakura's house.

"Okay…look…I really don't need you following me around…" Neji assured her as he tried to walk faster, but then he would soon remember that the faster he walked, the faster he'd be at Sakura's house. But if he walked slower, he'd be stuck with Kiba's mom longer. OH THE HORROR!

"Oh Neji," said Tsume. "Don't worry. I won't do anything to embarrass you!"

Neji knew that that meant she was about to do something to embarrass him.

And he was right because a dog walked by with his master just then and barked. The dog barked, not the master.

"No, he's a boy!" Tsume shouted. "Don't ask me why he wears his hair so long, but if he were more than just my temporary son, you'd be sure he'd hair would be much shorter!"

Neji rolled his eyes as the master stared at him.

"Well, here you are!" said Tsume as they stood before Sakura's house.

"Um…yeah." Said Neji as he knocked on the front door. "So you can um… leave."

"Okay, have a nice day!" said Tsume as she gave Neji a big smooch on the forehead.

Neji only stood there with his mouth hanging open as Tsume frolicked off. He couldn't believe she had just done that, and he likely would have stood there in shock for another few minutes but the door suddenly opened.

"What?" came Sakura's tired voice as she stood there looking as though she had just woken up.

Neji looked at her with a skeptical expression, and Sakura sort of was confused. She had one of those moments where she was all like: "I KNOW this person… but I can't figure out who they are because they're not in the right place or doing the right thing…"

Then she suddenly realized that this was Neji and he was standing on her front doorstep. Before she could demand to know why he was there, she remembered that annoying thing her teachers had forced them to do.

Then she remembered that she was in her pajamas and totally ungroomed.

"How dare you!" she shrieked as she slammed the door on his face and sprinted away.

Neji stood there, in shock once again, and waited for something else to happen. He wondered if he could just go home now because Sakura obviously didn't want him to stay at her house. He started to walk away, feeling satisfied, but the door opened again.

"Well THERE you are!"

He stopped dead and then slowly turned. Standing in the door was a woman that looked pretty much exactly like Sakura except she was older and taller and her name was Blakura. Of course, her name could not be inferred by her appearance, but it would be annoying to write "the woman who looked like Sakura".

"My name is Blakura, but you can call me Mom if you want." Said Blakura as she gestured for Neji to come in.

"Are you Sakura's mother?" Neji asked, still not moving.

"Well, I'm not her FATHER!" chuckled Blakura.

Neji didn't know how to react to that so he didn't.

"You don't have to stand there all day, come on in!" insisted Blakura.

So Neji did come in and followed Blakura into the house and to the kitchen.

"When Sakura told me that we would be having a guest all day, I went a little crazy and picked up the whole house and fixed the couch up nice for you." Said Blakura. "And I didn't know what sort of breakfast you like so I just whipped up everything we have!"

With that, she plopped a plate of breakfast items down in front of Neji. ALL the breakfast items.

"Um…thanks…" said Neji slowly.

"I also called up Kiba's mother and Tenten's mother to get the lowdown, as you kids say, on what it would be like to share a house with you for a day." Blakura continued.

"…Oh." Said Neji, coming very close to slapping his forehead.

"Don't worry, they said you were a DELIGHTFUL boy!" said Blakura.

Neji wondered if maybe she had accidentally called the wrong houses.

"They also say you're quite the male supremacist." Blakura continued as if what she just said was totally normal.

Neji just sat there.

"Tell me," Blakura went on. "What's it like to be completely disillusioned all the time?"

Neji was about to retort just as Sakura came in, looking groomed.

"You could have reminded me that you were coming here!" Sakura practically screamed as she sat down at the table.

"Sakura, I told you he was coming last night." Blakura reminded her.

"Whatever!" said Sakura with a huff. "Mom, you didn't say anything stupid or embarrassing, did you?"

"No." said Blakura innocently.

"Good." Said Sakura. "Because even though I don't care what Neji thinks of me, I don't need him telling other people that my mom is a psychopath and said weird things."

Neji blinked a few times.

"We were just having an innocent chat." Blakura said.

"Don't bother." Said Sakura. "Talking to Neji is like talking to a wall."

"I noticed." Blakura said.

"All right." Said Neji, putting his hand on the table and standing up. "I've gone through this for the past two days already and unfortunately I am not yet completely immune to pointless female chatter."

Blakura and Sakura stared blankly at him.

"Don't tell me that your father is away on a mission for the day." Neji said, clenching his fist dramatically.

"Oh, Dad's not a ninja." Said Sakura. "I'm the only ninja in our family."

"That's obvious." Neji said. "Clearly you don't get any extra training at home because you lack even the most basic ninja abilities."

"Excuse me but you have been a ninja for a year longer than I have." Sakura pointed out as she stood up.

"I also have the fortune of being male." Neji said.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" demanded Sakura. "Are you implying that males are better at being ninjas than females?"

"I'm not implying it. I'm saying it."

"What about Tsunade then?"

"She has two male teammates who are just as good as her, if not better. Besides, surely training with ninjas of their level eventually raised her skills as well. Without them, I doubt she'd be any more than mediocre."

"She's our Hokage!"

"Pfft…SOMEONE wasn't thinking."

Neji crossed his arms and looked satisfied as Sakura angrily stomped her foot, frustrated.

"Well, I can tell this is going to be an interesting day." Said Blakura with a contented sigh as if what just happened should make her contented.

"Mom, this is SO not going to be an interesting day!" whined Sakura. "It's going to be a very long, VERY annoying day!"

"At least it'll only be a day." Blakura said.

"It's not great for me either." Neji pointed out. "Keep in mind that it's not my choice to do this."

"Fine!" said Sakura. "We don't want you here anyway! The door's right there! Feel free to leave!"

"All right." Said Neji, picking up his stuff. "Gladly."

He went to the door and opened it up only to be faced with Gai standing there, taking up the entire doorway. Gai puffed himself up to look even bigger and was holding his sexy num-chucks in a very threatening fashion.

Neji stood there silently for a moment or two and then calmly closed the door. He walked back into the kitchen where Sakura and Blakura were still standing idly by.

"On second thought…" he said slowly.

"Oh good!" cheered Blakura. "I'm glad you're staying, Neji."

"I'M not." Said Sakura childishly.

He dropped his stuff and sat down. "So if your dad's not on a mission, where is he?" he said.

"Business trip." Sakura replied.

"Oh." Said Neji. "And I take it he probably won't be back any minute."

"No." said Sakura. "He's coming back tomorrow night."

"Figures." Neji sighed.

"Let's make the best of this day even though you're a sexist chauvinist and are going to be forced to spend time with a girl you don't seem to like all that much who also doesn't seem to like you, and her biased mother who you just met!" said Blakura, looking excited.

"Mom!" said Sakura. "You're making it sound like HE'S the victim!"

"Oh Sakura." Said Blakura. "We're all victims of this arrangement."

"I'm still sitting here." Neji reminded her.

"I see you." Said Blakura. "Let's continue our day like a normal family!"

"Fine." Said Sakura with a sigh. "What are we doing then?"

"Well, you and I have a nail appointment at 1:00, Sakura." Blakura said, looking through her purse. "And I'm not going to leave Neji here unsupervised so he'll come along with us."

"WHAT." Said Neji, jumping to his feet. "NO. I put my foot down. I'm NOT going to a nail appointment."

"You can't stay here by yourself!" said Blakura.

"I'm ALWAYS by myself." Neji said.

"Exactly." Said Blakura. "Don't worry, though. There's a comic book store right next to the nail salon."

"Comic book store?" Neji said in a slightly elevated tone but still managed to sound totally enraged.

Blakura pulled the ol' "YOU HAVE TO OR YOUR TEACHER WON'T LET YOU IN THE CHUUNIN EXAM!" on Neji that has been pulled so often and eventually he couldn't help but agree to come. Even though it was obviously going to kill him.

So Sakura and Blakura led the way to the mall while Neji uttered curse words under his breath the whole way there.

"Okay, Neji, we'll be done in about an hour." Said Blakura as they stood outside the salon and then she pointed at the comic book store. "You can bide your time in there and we'll be right out."

"What am I supposed to do in a comic book store?" Neji demanded.

"Read comics?" Sakura pointed and laughed at him and then the two of them disappeared into the salon.

Neji gave an exasperated sigh and stood there for a couple of minutes before finally subjecting himself to seeking comfort in the comic book store. He inched closer and closer to it until he was finally inside. And just when he was about to decide that he was WAY too cool for the place, he suddenly bumped into Sasuke who also looked as though he was about to decide he was way to cool. For everything.

"Neji, what are you doing here?" Sasuke said.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Neji shot back at him. "Aren't you supposed to be spending the day with a family?"

"Yes." Said Sasuke. "I am. How'd you get out of it?"

"I didn't." Neji said. "Sakura's family. They're in the salon. I'm waiting."

Sasuke stood there and finally closed his eyes and gave a deep sigh. He looked back at Neji with the ultimate apologetic expression on his face. "I am… so… SO… sorry."

"HEY!" came a familiar voice, and Neji and Sasuke both cringed. Naruto came running up.

"Naruto, why are you here?" said Sasuke.

"Why are YOU here?" Naruto said. And then he looked at Neji. "And you?"

"You first." Neji said.

"Shikamaru's family is ditching me." Naruto answered.

"Chouji's family is in the food court." Sasuke said.

"Sakura's family is in the salon." Neji finished.

The three of them looked dejected for a little while.

"Well, I think I better go find them." Said Naruto.

"And I have to meet back up with Chouji's family." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"And I have to wait here." Neji finished.

With that, the three of them parted ways FOREVER. But not really forever. Just for a certain amount of time.

Neji was only in the comic book store for another few minutes before Sakura stomped in angrily.

"What?" said Neji, noticing her enraged demeanor.

"My manicurist is sick today!" Sakura yelled. "I had to reschedule!"

"…Okay…" Neji said, not really sure what that meant. He wasn't even really sure what a manicurist was.

"I know somehow this is YOUR fault." Sakura said, pointing evilly at him.

"MY fault?" Neji said. "Who do you think you are?"

"Who do you think YOU are?" Sakura said as she pushed him.

"Who do you think YOU are?" Neji said right back at her as he pushed her as well.

"HEY!" Sakura stumbled backwards. "You can't push me! I'm a girl!"

"How can you say that if you also fight for equality among men and women?" Neji inquired curiously.

"That's different." Sakura said. "Men just can't push women. Or hit them. Or do anything mean to them."

"And they have to open the doors for them, pick up the check—" Neji started as he counted off on his fingers.

"Exactly!" Sakura said.

Neji threw his arms up into the air and shook his head. "You are a hypocrite." He said.

"I am not!" Sakura argued. "I just like traditional relationships. And I'm a feminist."

"Okay…so you're a hypocrite." Neji concluded.

"I never said I was a hypocrite!" Sakura threw a temper tantrum.

Their argument continued like this for a little while longer until Blakura was FINALLY finished with her appointment and came strolling out with her nails done all pretty like.

"Now that that's over and done with, what do you kiddos want to do?" Blakura said, looking enthralled.

Blakura looked back and forth between the two of them standing there back to back scoffing at each other with raining storm clouds above their heads.

"Okay…" she said. "No suggestions? Well, then I'LL decide!"

"Fine." Said Neji and Sakura at the same time.

Within ten minutes, they found themselves at a roller skating arena getting some roller skates. Yes, it WAS the same arena that Kiba had originally planned to fill up with water for Sasuke's birthday.

"Mom, this is SO random!" said Sakura.

"Well, I was originally going to take you both swimming but since it's November and all I figured that wouldn't be such a great idea!" said Blakura obliviously. Then she looked at Neji who wasn't putting on roller skates. "Neji, why aren't you putting on roller skates?"

Neji crossed his arms and looked unnecessarily cocky for no reason. "Skating is something trivial that only women would bother themselves with…" he started.

"I don't want to hear it!" said Sakura, jumping up when her skates were only half tied so she tripped and fell on her face. And if Neji were that kind of guy, he would have laughed at her. Instead, he just laughed at her on the inside.

"You should have told me you didn't know how to roller skate!" said Blakura after Sakura had been revived. "I can teach you!"

"I don't need to know." Said Neji. "As I said before, roller skating is a trivial women's activity."

"Well, Neji, in MY family we all do things together." Said Blakura as she presented Neji with roller skates that were exactly his size. "And since you're here as an acting member of our family and your teacher will likely not allow you to enter the Chuunin Exam Tournament if you don't do everything our family does then I guess—"

"FINE." Said Neji through clenched teeth as he took the skates.

"I can't wait for you to fall on your face once we get out there." Said Sakura.

"And let me guess," Neji said. "You're going to somehow relate it to women being superior even though it's not true."

"What are you talking about?" Sakura said.

"You're going to say that women are better than men just because you happen to know how to roller skate and I don't." Neji said as he pulled his laces so tightly that they broke. "Oops."

"Well, maybe I WILL say that!" Sakura announced. "But women are better than men anyway!"

Neji re-laced his skates and the fake family of three went over to the skating area.

"It's very easy, Neji." Said Blakura. "All you have to do is trust yourself and you'll be fine!"

Neji grumbled a little bit as Blakura and Sakura stepped onto the surface and waited for him to follow them. Slowly and cautiously, he put one foot on the floor and then the other while still holding onto the side.

"Now let go of the side." Sakura ordered.

"I will when I feel like it." Neji snapped.

"And when will that be?" Sakura said, putting her hands on her hips.

"When I feel like it." Neji replied.

"Don't rush him, Sakura, this can be very scary for the first time!" Blakura said.

But that attitude soon changed and the two of them decided to pry Neji off of the wall and push him along. After about two seconds of flailing like a moron magnet, Neji calmed down and stood up straight.

"Oh." He said, looking satisfied. "This is easy."

With that, he started skating as if he had been doing it his whole life.

"Hey!" Sakura yelled. "You lied to me!"

"What do you mean?" said Neji.

"You said you never skated before!" Sakura said. "But look! You're skating!"

"Well…" Neji said casually. "Perhaps it's simply because men are better than women, that's all."

Sakura fumed so much that if she had been on an ice rink, the ice beneath her would have definitely melted and she would have plunged to the icy water underneath. Even though that's not how ice rinks work. We can pretend and use our imaginations OR ELSE.

Blakura was entertained at Neji's natural gift at roller-skating and didn't let it bother her. And, when they decided they had had their fill of roller-skating, they headed home.

"Well, today has been fun so far!" said Blakura. "How about we have some lunch, change into our comfy pajamas and then spend the rest of the day curled up in blankets watching a romantic chick flick?"

"Yeah!" cheered Sakura.

"Um…" Neji started. "How about I…train in the backyard… while you guys do that thing you were planning…?"

Sakura and Blakura only stood there and stared at him until he cracked.

"Fine…" he moaned.

Blakura made some grilled cheese sandwiches and put Baked! Lays on plates that she got from the Rainforest Café. They went into the family room because they figured that would be appropriate.

"Okay…these are our options." Said Blakura as she picked up the movies she had lying around. "Sleepless in Seattle, Pretty Women, You've Got Mail, A Walk To Remember, Maid in Manhattan and the Wedding Planner. Neji, since you're the guest, you get to pick."

Neji's mouth was hanging open out of shock and disgust. When he got over these two emotions, he subconsciously mimed shooting himself in the head even though Blakura was looking right at him.

As his imaginary guts were spilling all over the place, Blakura cleared her throat and repeated her question patiently to him.

"I don't know." Said Neji. "All of them."

"All of them?" Sakura repeated, sounding astonished.

"Yes." Said Neji. "All of them."

"I admire that." Blakura commented.

"If I'm going to do this to myself then I might as well go all the way." Neji said. "Besides, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"That is SO true!" said Blakura. "Then let's just go in alphabetical order and start with A Walk To Remember!"

She put the movie in and then dove into the empty space on the couch.

"And, if I ever get captured by evil ninjas and they torture me, I know I'll be able to live through it." Neji commented as the opening credits started rolling. "Assuming I live through this."

"Oh Neji." Said Blakura. "Always looking on the bright side of things."

"Mom." Said Sakura. "No. No he isn't. He's not looking on the bright side of things. He's mocking us."

"Oh." Said Blakura. "Well, I don't care. And you shouldn't let it bother you either, Sakura! Now let's watch this movie because it's one of my favorites! Neji, would you like a tissue just to be ready?"

"A tissue?" Neji said. "For what?"

"For anything and everything." Said Blakura, offering the box to him.

Neji slowly took the tissue just in case he sneezed later. "I guess…" he said.

"This is going to be such a fun afternoon!" cheered Blakura. "And I'm so glad you can share it with us, Neji."

"…" was all Neji could reply with.


	61. Chouji Adopts Sasuke

Chapter 61- Chouji Adopts Sasuke

"So how was your breakfast, Sasuke?" asked Chouji's crazy large father, Chomaru, as he rubbed his enormous belly.

"I didn't quite finish it…" Sasuke said, leaning around the giant stack of pancakes that were in front of him so he could actually make eye contact with the rest of the Akimichi family.

The three of them had empty plates in front of them almost as tall as Sasuke's unrealistically giant stack of pancakes and they were all looking quite content.

"Are you going to finish that?" Chouji asked, pointing at Sasuke's pancakes.

"Um…no…" Sasuke shook his head.

"Don't mind if I do!" said Chouji, taking the plate and putting it in front of himself.

"Oh Chouji!" said Chomaru as well as Chouji's crazy large mother with a pumpkin head (BUT NOT REALLY) and her name is Chonna, the last time I checked with my own made up rules.

She started cleaning the dishes as Sasuke only sat there awkwardly.

"So, Chouji," said Chomaru. "When is training for today?"

"Oh, I don't have training today!" said Chouji.

"You didn't have training yesterday or the day before." Said Chomaru, looking concerned.

"It's because of this holiday thing." Chouji explained. "We're supposed to spend the day with Sasuke as a family so our teachers gave us these few days off to do so!"

"Oh right!" said Chonna. "He told us that already, dear."

"I remember now!" said Chomaru as he chuckled like a jolly Santa Claus. And he certainly looked the part.

"Well—" Sasuke began. "If you guys planned on training together as a family, then maybe I could just train with you because, after all, the Chuunin Exam Tournament is coming up—"

"Chouji's not in that tournament, are you son?" said Chomaru, patting Chouji on the head supportively.

"No, dad…" said Chouji, bowing his head in shame.

"It's all right!" said Chomaru.

"We love you just the way you are!" said Chonna as she showered Chouji with hugs and kisses and presents.

"Actually, I'm in the tournament and over the past few days I haven't really gotten an opportunity to train very much…" Sasuke started but he quickly realized that no one was paying attention to him.

"Well!" said Chomaru, standing up. "If we are to spend the day as a family, then I know just what to do!"

"What?" asked Chonna.

"We shall go out for lunch!" Chomaru announced.

"YAY!" cheered the rest of the Akimichi family as they all jumped up in the air in an overly excited fashion. When they landed, the ground rumbled but they were obviously used to it.

"Go out to lunch?" Sasuke repeated. "We just ate breakfast."

"So?" said all the Akimichis.

"Well," Sasuke began. "Not only is it too early for lunch, but…" he paused to think of a way to put it elegantly. "We…JUST ATE BREAKFAST."

"Hm…" said Chomaru, rubbing his chin. "Perhaps Sasuke is correct. Maybe it is to early for lunch. In that case, you know what we have to do instead, oh family of mine?"

They all looked at each other eagerly as Sasuke only sat there with a question mark above his head.

"BRUNCH!" they all cheered together as they jumped up into the air again and rumbled the ground upon landing. Sasuke fell out of chair like a typical Anime character whenever something stupid/ironic happens and he simply can't think of anything else to do except fall over with a hilarious sound effect and his feet up in the air.

"DOING!" came Sasuke's hilarious sound effect.

After Sasuke recovered, he got back into his seat.

"Are you guys serious?" he managed to sputter finally.

"Why wouldn't we be serious?" said Chouji, looking skeptical of Sasuke's sanity.

"Well, it's just that we just had this enormous breakfast." Sasuke tried repeating even though it obviously wasn't getting him anywhere.

"At this point, it's been a good five minutes so it's not like we JUST had it anymore." Chomaru pointed out.

"Yes and I've already cleaned the dishes." Said Chonna.

Sasuke only at there for a few minutes before finally giving up. "Okay… whatever…" he said.

"Everyone get ready!" said Chomaru. "We're going out!"

Sasuke went into his personal quarters, which was the living room, in order to change into his clothes. A piece of him had been hoping that Chouji's family might have been normal, but as of yet, he wasn't having much luck with that.

"So where should we go for brunch?" Chomaru wondered as the family and Sasuke strolled leisurely down the street.

"How about Denny's?" Chouji suggested.

"Maybe." Said Chonna. "I mean, that's a breakfast all day place. We're looking for brunch."

"But brunch can essentially be breakfast or lunch." Chomaru said. "Or both. Preferably both."

The Akimichi family sighed in a very satisfied fashion as they all simultaneously had visions of FOOOOOOD glorious FOOOOOOD! And that song was even playing too, which made it all the more strange for Sasuke who still had a full belly and was getting a cramp from walking to much. The tired kind of cramp, not one of those OTHER cramps. That would just be weird of Sasuke got one of THOSE cramps. Then again, if it came around that Sasuke got THOSE cramps I don't think I'd be all that surprised.

But ANYWAY!

"Why don't we ask Sasuke where he wants to go since he's the guest?" Chouji suggested.

"Great idea, Chouji!" said Chomaru. "Sasuke, where would you like to go for brunch?"

"I don't know." Sasuke said. "I rarely go out to eat… and I don't think I've ever had brunch before."

"Oh, that's so sad…" said Chonna, looking so depressed.

"Then Denny's it is!" said Chomaru. "So you can get breakfast OR lunch!" He smiled like a happy person who was about to eat. "Or both!" he added quickly as he rubbed his belly again.

The Akimichi family then booked it to Denny's, which was around the corner. You might not know it, but there really is a Denny's in Konoha, along with a Burger King, Starbucks, four Dunkin' Donunts' and… um… other stuff that probably shouldn't be there. BUT THEY ARE THERE. DAMN IT, they're there because we say they are!

They sat down in a special booth that had obviously been made to accommodate their crazy large family.

After they chatted about the menu and pointed at all the pictures, the waitress eventually came around and took all their orders. Writing down any of the Akimichi's family's orders would take up all the space we have to offer of this chapter and MORE, so that shall be skipped and we'll head right to Sasuke.

"What'll you have, hon?" said the waitress as she loudly chewed her gum and a spoke in a voice that suggested she had been smoking since the very day she had been born.

"Um…nothing, thanks." Said Sasuke.

"All right." She said with a shrug as she walked away.

Chouji and his family just stared at Sasuke in stunned silence.

"What?" said Sasuke. "I just ate…"

"So?" they all said again.

Sasuke was about to tell them that not EVERYONE ate like crazy machines in the fashion in which they did, but he thought that that might have been quite rude so he decided to keep it bottled up inside of him until he cracked.

"Now, what do you all want to do after this?" Chomaru asked as he wiped his mouth and paid the check with a hefty twenty percent tip.

"Well…" Chonna said, looking at her watch. "It's twelve thirty right now, so you know what THAT means!"

"IT'S LUNCH TIME!" Chouji cheered.

"That's right!" said Chomaru.

"But we already ate two meals in a row, so we're probably just going to skip lunch, aren't we?" Sasuke said.

The Akimichi's all clutched their hearts and passed out right then and there. And, as they all hit the floor, the ground rumbled again and chaos was sent throughout the entire restaurant until everything was put into order again and the Akimichis were revived.

"Wow," said Chomaru. "I thought I just heard you say 'skip lunch'." Said Chomaru.

"Those two words should never stand next to each other unless you're saying 'we should NOT skip lunch'." Chouji added.

Sasuke was once again rendered absolutely silent.

"How about we go to the mall food court?" said Chonna. "I have to pick some things up while we're there anyway and this way we could kill two birds with one stone before our afternoon snack."

Sasuke slapped his forehead as the family agreed.

"And after our afternoon snack, do you think we could train a little bit for the upcoming exam?" Sasuke asked as he followed them to the famous mall that really does exist if you just believe.

"After the afternoon snack?" chuckled Chonna. "I hope you don't mean DIRECTLY after!"

"Why?" said Sasuke.

"Because that's dinner time." Chomaru replied as if it were obvious.

"Is there any time in which you guys AREN'T eating?" Sasuke asked, throwing courtesy to the wind. "What I mean is, when do you guys train?"

"Between lunch and our afternoon snack is when we do most of our training." Said Chomaru. "And after dinner as well."

"Good." Said Sasuke. "So let's train when we get home after lunch."

"All right!" said Chomaru. "Does that sound like a good idea, Chouji?"

"Okay!" said Chouji excitedly.

The family frolicked off to the mall, though not TOO intensely or else they would have shaken the world off its axis. When they got there, they went directly to the food court.

"Hey!" Sasuke called. "I'll meet up with you guys later after lunch!"

"Why?" Chonna asked. "You don't want to skip lunch! It's the most important meal of the day!"

"Next to breakfast and dinner." Chomaru said.

"Um…" Sasuke said, quickly thinking up an excuse as to why he could avoid sitting at another table and watching everyone eat again. "Um…" he looked next to him to see a comic book store. "Oh! I have to…uh… get a comic book!"

Before the Akimichi's could respond, Sasuke dashed into the comic book store. So the family shrugged at each other and went to the food court as Sasuke hid himself in an isle.

He was just about to leave and maybe get some training in before seeking the Akimichis when he caught sight of someone he never expected to see in a comic book store: Neji!

"Neji, what are you doing here?" Sasuke said, even though he regretted it two seconds later because it's not like he actually wanted to converse with Neji.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." Neji said. "Aren't you supposed to be spending the day with a family?"

"Yes." Said Sasuke. "I am. How'd you get out of it?"

"I didn't." Neji said. "Sakura's family. They're in the salon. I'm waiting."

Sasuke felt the utmost sympathy for Neji. No one… not even him… should have to endure such torture. "I am… so… SO… sorry."

"HEY!" came a familiar voice, and Neji and Sasuke both cringed. Naruto came running up.

"Naruto, why are you here?" said Sasuke. Even though it might have been normal for Naruto to be in a comic book store, it was still an odd coincidence that all three of them were at the mall at the same time in the same store so it had to be a conspiracy! Against him! Everything is always against Sasuke after all.

"Why are YOU here?" Naruto said. And then he looked at Neji. "And you?"

"You first." Neji said.

"Shikamaru's family is ditching me." Naruto answered.

"Chouji's family is in the food court." Sasuke said.

"Sakura's family is in the salon." Neji finished.

The three of them looked dejected for a little while.

"Well, I think I better go find them." Said Naruto.

"And I have to meet back up with Chouji's family." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"And I have to wait here." Neji finished.

With that Sasuke departed from the company of his fellow orphans and decided that it was time to search for the Akimichis. It wasn't going to be very had, of course, considering their immense size.

So Sasuke began the long arduous journey to the food court which was actually just upstairs but that's okay. When he got there, he found his host family all sitting at a table eating.

"Oh, Sasuke!" Chouji called, waving his arms around like a crazy person at a food court who was trying to get his friend's attention. Of course, like we previously stated like two seconds ago, it was hard to miss them because they were so large. And still are.

Sasuke waved vaguely to acknowledge their existence as he trudged over.

"Did you get your comic book?" Chouji asked.

Sasuke stared blankly at him and then remembered that he had lied a little earlier. "Oh." He said. "Um…no."

"Okay." Shrugged Chouji since he's very trusting. Then again, he had no reason NOT to trust Sasuke.

So after they finished eating, everyone accompanied Chonna to a store that she had to pick something up at and then they frolicked off home. (Everyone certainly is doing a lot of frolicking, aren't they?)

"All right, Sasuke wanted to train today, so train we shall!" said Chomaru as he led everyone to the backyard except for Chonna who stayed inside to so something either motherly or wifely or both.

"Even though our teachers gave us the day off?" Chouji came close to whining.

"Yes!" said Chomaru. "No day is a day off in the life of a ninja!"

Sasuke looked a little relieved that everything he held dear was now starting to apply to his current living conditions again.

"What shall we do first?" said Chomaru, rubbing his chin. "I know! How about our jutsu in which we enlarge a single part of our body?"

"Okay!" said Chouji.

Before Sasuke could say anything, the two of them suddenly started enlarging random parts of their bodies and attacking each other with the random enlarged parts. (NO, not THAT part of their body! Now get your mind out of the gutter this instant!)

(But, when you think about it, they probably can do that if they so desired.)

(But we're not talking about that right now SO GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.)

"Excuse me!" said Sasuke.

Chouji and Chomaru both stopped in mid attack and shrunk back to their original size.

"What is it, Sasuke?" asked Chomaru.

"Um…I can't train like that." Sasuke reminded them.

"OH YEAH!" they both chuckled SO warmly.

"Sorry about that, Sasuke." Said Chouji.

"It's all right." Said Sasuke. "Could we train some other way?"

"Of course!" said Chomaru. "How about we work on some taijutsu?"

"That sounds tolerable." Sasuke said.

Just when they were about to engage in mortal combat again like reasonably normal people who happen to be ninjas, Chonna suddenly appeared on the back porch with a tray in her hands.

"Does anyone want some sandwiches?" she called.

"Oh, yes!" said Chomaru and Chouji as they sprinted over to Chonna, leaving Sasuke in mid attack so he fell on his face with another amusing sound effect, except this sound effect was more like "THUNK" because he fell over realistically as opposed in the comical anime fashion. (that was a baby run-on)

"Already?" Sasuke demanded, standing up and spitting grass out of his mouth.

"Already what?" inquired the entire family.

"It's already time for the afternoon snack?" Sasuke said as he came over, looking slightly perturbed.

"No." said Chonna. "This isn't the afternoon snack."

"What is it then?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, I was cleaning dishes and I looked out the window and I saw that my boys were working so hard so I decided to whip them up something to eat!" Chonna answered as she got horseshoe eyes.

"And I don't know about you, son, but I appreciate it!" said Chomaru.

"Oh, I appreciate it!" said Chouji. Now all three of them had horseshoe eyes.

"You must be hungry too, Sasuke." Said Chonna. "You haven't eaten anything since breakfast!"

"I guess…" grumbled Sasuke as he came over and took one of the massive sandwiches that definitely weren't snack sized.

They all munched on their "snacks" and finally Chonna took all the dishes inside to be cleaned.

"I feel so energized!" said Chomaru. "I feel like I can conquer the world with my full stomach!"

I suppose this running gag might be a little old that whenever Sasuke tries to suggest there should be training, instead they all end up eating. Well, we find it funny and that's all that counts. And we are not suggesting that the Akimichis spend all day every day eating and therefore never train, because it's quite apparent to the world that they do get training in or else they wouldn't be very good ninjas.

So, instead of continuing with this running gag, we're just going to FLASH to night time when it's time for dinner.

"Once again, I didn't get any training in." Sasuke complained to himself as he cleaned up in order to get ready. He planned on eating dinner since he hadn't eaten much throughout the day, surprisingly. "If I don't get promoted in this Chuunin Exam then I plan on personally blaming all my teachers who forced me to do this annoying thing that I didn't get anything out of."

I bet you're expecting Chouji to be standing right there and to get all teary eyed because Sasuke wasn't enjoying his stay. Well that's cliché. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!

A stampede of wild animals crashed through the wall and trampled over Sasuke, killing him instantly!

Well, that's probably too unexpected. Instead, he just finished getting ready and then went into the kitchen where he met up with Chouji and the rest of the crazy gang.

"Sasuke, would you like to say Grace?" Chonna asked.

"Grace?" Sasuke repeated, looking confuzzled.

"Good job!" exclaimed Chomaru as all three of the Akimichis started chowing down.

Sasuke only sat there awkwardly (he does that a lot too) and eventually started eating as well.

After the meal, they all sat around talking about their day because believe it or not, there ARE families who do that even though they spent the whole day with each other so of course they would know what everyone did.

"Sasuke, why don't you go first?" Chonna said. "You're the guest in the house."

"What am I supposed to say?" Sasuke asked.

"Anything you want." Said Chouji. "Just talk about how you feel about the day."

Sasuke… thought. "Um…" he said.

The Akimichis HAD been very nice and accommodating, but no matter how nice or accommodating anyone is, Sasuke is just a bastard and that's the way things are. He would prefer to spend his life ALONE training to defeat his evil brother, not off gallivanting with a FAMILY. Well, I'm sure he'd like to be with his OWN family but we all know that they're dead. And that's why he must kill his brother.

Though…I bet you guys already knew all that.

"It was…" Sasuke continued as the Akimichis hung on his every word.

"Don't be shy!" said Chomaru.

"It was…er…okay…?" Sasuke tried.

"Good job, Sasuke!" said Chonna. "I personally had a great day! Sasuke, you're welcome to come over and spend time with us any time you'd like!"

"Yeah!" said Chouji. "And if you ever want to come out to eat with me and Shikamaru then we'd definitely let you."

"Um…thanks." Said Sasuke. SINCE HE'S COOL.

When Sasuke was finally dismissed from the table, he decided he was going to go straight to bed because the sooner he went to sleep, the sooner he could wake up and leave and finally get some training done.

He was, of course, slightly disgruntled when the Akimichi family decided that they were going to have one big fun slumber party in the living room so Sasuke wouldn't be lonely. The graciously gave Sasuke the couch and all got in their extra large sleeping bags and lied down on the floor.

"Good night Mom." Said Chouji. "Good night Dad. Good night Sasuke."

"Good night, Chouji." Said Chonna.

"Good night, everyone." Said Chomaru.

"Good night moon, good night lamp… goodnight sock, good night lamp, good night desk, good night chair—"

"Chouji." Sasuke interrupted. "Seriously. Stop."

Chouji paused. "Good night Sasuke whispering 'HUSH!'"

Chouji chuckled warmly at his funny, as did his crazy family. And Sasuke only tried to ignore them and wait for tomorrow.


	62. Shikamaru Adopts Naruto

Chapter 62- Shikamaru Adopts Naruto

Naruto was chillin' like ice cream fillin' as he eagerly awaited his Hyuuga-tastic family to wake up early to wish him a fair well, or at least come and see him off, or maybe if they felt like it, they could walk him to the Nara residence. Instead, he only stood at the front door of the Hyuuga household as he was greeted by absolutely nothing.

He gave a heavy sigh and was just about to depart the house when Hinata suddenly sprinted around the corner.

"Naruto!" she practically shrieked in that voice of hers.

"Hinata!" Naruto exclaimed excitedly. "Are you coming to see me off? Is your family coming too?"

"Um…no." Hinata answered.

"No to what?" Naruto asked. "Coming to see me off or your family coming?"

"Yes to coming to see you off and no to my family coming." Hinata clarified.

"Oh." Said Naruto with a nod. "Okay! That's so nice of you, Hinata."

"Thank you, Naruto…" Hinata said nervously. "I just wanted to tell you that I was glad we got to spend yesterday together."

"As a family!" cheered Naruto.

"Um…yes…" Hinata agreed. "As a family."

"Okay." Said Naruto. "Thanks for having me over for the day, Hinata!"

Naruto waved and flung the door open so enthusiastically that the doorknob got lodged in the wall behind it. He marched outside as Hinata winced and the door slowly swung shut.

Naruto was now in high spirits because Hinata had seen him off. Well, it was just because ANYONE had sent him off. After all, when he was leaving the Aburame residence, NO ONE sent him off. As a matter of fact, no one was even at home when he left.

He knew he would be received well at the Nara residence so he booked it over there as fast as he could because he wanted to spend fun times with Shikamaru, his best friend EVER!

We all know that Shikamaru isn't really Naruto's best friend ever, but Naruto told himself that so he could get psyched up even when Shikamaru told him that his presence was troublesome.

"Naruto, your presence is troublesome." Shikamaru said as he stood in the doorway.

"That's okay!" said Naruto. "I'll come in now, okay?"

Naruto pushed Shikamaru out of the way and jumped on the couch.

"Naruto, do you have any idea what time it is?" Shikamaru asked, looking at his watch.

"Lunch time." Naruto replied.

"This is too early." Said Shikamaru. "Even for me."

"It's eleven." Naruto pointed out.

"Right." Said Shikamaru.

"You know, NORMAL people get up earlier than this all the time." Said Naruto.

Shikamaru only stared at Naruto blankly for a moment.

"What?" said Naruto, raising an eyebrow. "Do you not function when you just wake up?"

Shikamaru paused a moment longer. "No they don't." he said.

"No they don't?" Naruto repeated. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"In response to your previous statement." Shikamaru said. "In which you said that normal people get up earlier than this."

"Oh." Said Naruto. "Well, yes they do."

"Name one person." Shikamaru suggested.

"ME." Said Naruto with the DUH face.

Shikamaru, once again, didn't do anything at first. "Name five people." He said finally.

"I'm not going to name FIVE people!" Naruto said as he stood up and started making his way to the kitchen.

Shikamaru followed after him. "That's because you can't name five people." Shikamaru challenged.

"Yes I can, I just don't feel like it!" Naruto said, sounding annoyed. "You of all people should understand THAT!"

"If you make another comment about me being lazy today then we're going to abandon you on the side of the road." Shikamaru threatened.

"Fine." Said Naruto. "Geez!"

Naruto opened some cabinets and slammed them shut.

"Keep it down, will you?" Shikamaru said as Naruto continued to make a ruckus.

"Why?" said Naruto with a raised eyebrow.

"How many reasons do you want?" Shikamaru said.

"FIVE." Said Naruto sarcastically.

"My dad's still sleeping so just be quiet." Said Shikamaru.

"Why's your dad still sleeping?" Naruto inquired.

"Because he's lucky." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Naruto continued to search the kitchen, though this time with a little more consideration for those around him who might have been sleeping or bothered by loud annoying sounds. Shikamaru slumped into a chair and watched him with the ULTIMATE, 'this is troublesome' expression on his face.

"Why don't you have any food in your house?" Naruto demanded finally, obviously throwing his consideration to the wind.

"My mom's grocery shopping right now." Shikamaru answered, picking up a note on the table that stated such.

"Oh." Said Naruto, looking at the note. "Well, see? Your mom gets up early."

"And?" said Shikamaru.

"You said that normal people didn't get up earlier than this." Naruto reminded him.

"Are you saying that my mother is normal?" Shikamaru inferred.

Naruto was just about to answer when the door opened.

"I'm home!" sang Shikamaru's mother, who will be known as Shikaonna for our purposes, as she entered the house with her arms full of groceries. "Shikamaru! Shikato! Wake up and help me carry in the groceries and put them away!" (In case you're slow, Shikato will be what Shikamaru's dad will be called.)

She came into the kitchen and put the groceries on the counter without seeing Shikamaru or Naruto. She hummed a little to herself as she pulled some stuff out of the bag.

As she turned around to put something away, she came face to face with Naruto, threw her arms up into the air and let out the most dramatic, ear-piercing high-pitched shrill scream in the entire world as all the food she was holding fluttered about the kitchen.

The jars smashed on the ground and Shikamaru winced as his mother sprinted out of the room while still shrieking at the top of her lungs in fear.

Naruto stood there frozen for a few seconds and then looked at Shikamaru quizzically.

"Okay, okay, maybe you're right." Said Naruto with a shrug.

Just then, Shikato came running in the room swinging around baseball bat frantically. Shikaonna hiding behind him while pointing dramatically at Naruto.

Shikato paused a moment in his murderous rampage and then lowered the baseball bat.

"This is just one of Shikamaru's little friends." Shikato said calmly to Shikaonna.

"Dad, you're a ninja." Said Shikamaru, putting his head in his hand. "You don't need a baseball bat."

"Be quiet, Shikamaru, I was in the moment." Said Shikato as he leaned the baseball bat up against the wall.

"Shikamaru!" said Shikaonna angrily. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You ran out of the room before I could." Shikamaru reminded her.

"I didn't expect you to already be awake." Said Shikaonna with a sigh as she went over to Naruto. "I really just didn't expect anyone to be here so early so I think I might have overreacted a little."

Naruto waited a few seconds for either of the other two males to make a comment about her overreaction being more than just "a little" but when neither of them did, he just gave a flamboyant shrug.

"Shikamaru!" said Shikaonna, suddenly sounding angry. Then she smiled. "Why haven't you introduced me to your nice friend."

"Naruto, this is my mom." Said Shikamaru. "Mom, this is Naruto."

"Pleased to meet you!" said Shikaonna.

Naruto was still slightly hesitant about approaching Shikamaru's mother so he only nodded hesitantly.

"And this is my dad—" Shikamaru began, but then he looked back to where his dad used to be standing but there was no one there. (See? He USED to be standing there, but now he ISN'T!)

"Well, I think he went back to bed." Shikamaru said.

"SHIKATO!" screamed Shikaonna. "Get back in here right now and meet Shikamaru's friend!"

"Oh, by the way, Mom, I think I forgot to tell you about this." Said Shikamaru, standing up and going in the other room. He returned a little while later with a piece of paper in his hand and, as his father reentered the room as well looking perturbed, Shikaonna read the paper.

"What is it?" Shikato said.

"Oh…" said Shikaonna, ignoring Shikato and continuing to intensely read the paper with ZEST. No, not as in the soap, but more so in the synonym to gusto. "National Adoption Month? Is that real?"

"Probably not." Shikamaru sighed.

"In any case!" said Shikaonna. "I guess we have to do it if your teachers really want you to."

"Not really." Shikamaru said. "They threaten us that we won't be able to participate in the Chuunin Exam if we don't cooperate but…" Shikamaru paused and looked around, almost expecting Asuma to pop out of a bush and finish the sentence for him, but when he didn't, he just finished up with, "I'm already a chuunin."

"Yeah, but I'm not!" said Naruto. "And I want to participate in the Exam! So we have to do it!"

"What do you say, Shikato—?" Shikaonna began as she turned around only to find the Shikato had walked away again. "SHIKATO! GET BACK IN HERE!"

She grabbed the discarded baseball bat and marched back into the bedroom, once again leaving Naruto and Shikamaru in the kitchen alone. But they weren't alone because they were together. Yay.

"Geez." Said Naruto. "You guys have less family chemistry than Sasuke and Itachi."

Shikamaru frowned.

"But more than Shino and his dad." Naruto went on.

"Okay…" Shikamaru said slowly.

"And probably more than the Hyuugas." Naruto decided. "But not by much."

"What are you talking about?" Shikamaru demanded.

"Why am I stuck with all the dysfunctional families?" Naruto whined as he sat down in a chair across from Shikamaru.

"My family is NOT dysfunctional." Shikamaru put his foot down on that one.

That's exactly when they heard many things being broken and lots of shouting from the other room.

"My parents just sorta… disagree." Shikamaru rephrased.

"I take it back." Naruto said. "You guys have less family chemistry than the Hyuugas. You're lucky to be alive, Shikamaru."

"Why do you say that?" Shikamaru said.

"You know." Said Naruto, looking mysterious.

Shikamaru's family exited the bedroom looking totally dressed and ready to go out just then. Naruto and Shikamaru looked them up and down with question marks over their heads.

"Okay…" said Shikamaru slowly.

"Get ready!" said Shikaonna as she practically pushed Shikamaru out of his seat. "We're going to take our guest out and be a big happy family together!"

"But the directions say that we have to act like we regularly act!" Shikamaru complained, picking up the paper and showing it to his mom.

"We're ALWAYS a happy family!" Shikaonna yelled as she grabbed Shikamaru by his shirt collar and pushed him towards his room.

"Just do what your mother says, Shikamaru…" Shikato urged.

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" said Shikaonna threateningly.

"Nothing!" said Shikato defensively.

"Whatever…" Shikamaru said as he went to his room.

Naruto sat there looking awkward for a good three minutes as no one really did anything proactive. Finally, Shikaonna grinned at him and sat in the chair Shikamaru used to occupy. "So," she said. "Tell us about yourself, Naruto!"

"Um…" Naruto began as he twiddled his fingers apprehensively. "I'm… an orphan?"

Luckily, the conversation ended there because Shikamaru emerged into the light AKA the kitchen.

"Oh look!" said Shikaonna, standing up. "Now we're all ready to go!"

"Let's go then!" Naruto cheered as he jumped out of his seat and punched the air enthusiastically.

The Naras looked at him strangely once he landed, and he was embarrassed for a few seconds cause this family was WAY strange, but he got over it because that's just the way he is. He's quite resilient.

"What should we do first?" said Shikaonna as they strolled down the street.

"How should we know?" said Shikato.

"Because we're a family!" said Shikaonna.

"But we never go out and do family things." Said Shikato.

"That's not true!" insisted Shikaonna. "We do things together all the time and we're happy about it! Now someone give a suggestion! How about you, Naruto?"

"I've got it!" said Naruto, pointing dramatically at the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the tables so you could cook the food right then and there as opposed to them bringing it to you when it was already cooked. That's right. They give it to you RAW because there's a grill in the middle of the table and its sole purpose is to cook food on it. It's not like they give you raw food because they're cheap. That's what they're SUPPOSED to do. And it's fun that way because then you get to cook your own food. ON THE TABLE!

"I went there yesterday and the day before." Shikamaru reported.

"I did too!" Naruto said. "Remember? I saw you there."

"So why do you want to go there again?" questioned Shikaonna.

"Just look at it, Dear." Said Shikato. "It has a grill. In the middle of the table. And you can cook the food. Right then and there. ON THE TABLE."

Shikaonna shrugged and they all went into the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table and sat down.

"I wish I could come here EVERY day!" Naruto cheered.

"Sometimes I feel like I DO come here every day." Shikamaru said. "Actually, I think I DO."

"LUCKY!" exclaimed Naruto.

"You'd THINK so, wouldn't you?" said Shikamaru in an exasperated fashion.

"I'm thinking maybe after we eat, we could go to the mall." Shikaonna stated out loud to herself. Almost as if she wanted the guys to only HALF hear her in hopes that maybe they'd just agree to whatever she said.

But they heard her FULLY.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaallll?" they all whined simultaneously.

"Yes!" said Shikaonna. "I need some new shoes."

"New shoes?" they whined again.

"YES!" said Shikaonna, sounding angry.

The men grumbled like children and prodded at their raw meat as it cooked wildly on the grill that was in the middle of the table since this particular restaurant allowed you to grill your food in the middle of the table with the grill that's provided in the middle of the table.

Naruto wanted someone to oppose Shikamaru's mom. But he didn't want to be the one to do it. He wanted someone else to do it.

Shikato and Shikamaru both wanted someone else to oppose her as well. But they neither of them wanted to be the one to do it.

Thus, the endless cycle of whippage continued.

"Fine…" they all said, sounding defeated.

"Yay!" cheered Shikaonna.

After they ate their delicious food that they actually physically cooked themselves while sitting at their own table with a grill in the middle of it, they paid the waitress a generous tip even though she didn't really do anything (since they did all the work themselves at the table with the grill provided) and then they departed.

They headed for the mall.

"Naruto, don't be annoying when we get in the mall, and maybe we'll get out of here in a couple of hours." Shikamaru warned Naruto when they were far enough away from his mom to know for sure that she couldn't possibly hear him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto said.

"Let's start with Macy's!" cheered Shikaonna as she ran to the closest store.

"Hey look, a pet store!" Naruto said practically at the same time as Shikaonna as he ran to the pet store that was in the opposite direction as Macy's.

Shikato and Shikamaru sort of tuned Naruto out and followed Shikaonna since they're just that way. As Naruto stared at the puppies through the window and was just about to ask if he could go in and hold some of them when he realized that none of the Naras were near him.

"Hey!" he yelled angrily. "They ditched me! THAT'S what Shikamaru meant when he said that thing to me that I can't remember! But that's my best bet!"

Then Naruto realized he was talking to himself so he got really sad and decided that now was as good a time as any to find some place to sit down and relax until they came back since they had to come that way in order to eventually leave.

He sat down outside a store and, just as he did, he saw Neji walk in. He thought it was a pretty hilarious coincidence that they were BOTH at the mall, but it's not like he was going to run up to Neji and strike up a conversation with him since he didn't really like Neji.

But that's when he heard Sasuke's voice from inside the store. And that was just WAY too huge of a coincidence. He immediately came to the conclusion that the two of them got out of the holiday and were now doing something fun instead of what he was doing.

So he got up and went inside just in time to see Sasuke apologize to Neji WAY too sincerely.

"HEY!" he called as he ran up to them, and they both visibly cringed but Naruto was immune to that.

"Naruto, why are you here?" said Sasuke.

"Why are YOU here?" Naruto said, wanting answers from them first. And then he looked at Neji. "And you?"

"You first." Neji said.

"Shikamaru's family is ditching me." Naruto answered.

"Chouji's family is in the food court." Sasuke said.

"Sakura's family is in the salon." Neji finished.

Naruto was happy that they were there for legitimate reasons instead of doing the smart thing.

"Well, I think I better go find them." Naruto said finally after a moment of silence.

"And I have to meet back up with Chouji's family." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"And I have to wait here." Neji finished.

Naruto left the two of them to go off and angst or do whatever it is that they do. Or whatever.

He practically crashed into the Naras who were walking that way at that exact moment.

"Hey!" said Naruto. "You guys ditched me!"

"No, you ditched us." Shikamaru reminded him.

"Um…no I didn't!" said Naruto unconvincingly.

"Whatever." Said Shikamaru. "Fine."

"We were just coming to find you!" said Shikaonna. "Once we realized you weren't behind us, we came running to find you!"

Finally Shikato caught up to them. "Why did you three leave so fast?" he said.

Shikaonna glared at him. "Well, now that we're all back together, we'll be sure to STAY together and have a nice family day in the mall!" Shikaonna declared, which made the boys sort of wince again. "What? What is it?"

"Don't get us wrong, Mom, we LOVE the mall…" Shikamaru started.

"Then what's the problem?" Shikaonna asked.

"Um…" the Nara men started.

Then Shikamaru grabbed Naruto. "Naruto doesn't like the mall." He said. "And he's the guest. We should take him to do something he wants to do."

"Oh!" said Shikaonna. "Well, Naruto, you should have just said something in the first place!"

"Really?" said Naruto as his eyes lit up with sparkles.

"Nice going, son." Whispered Shikato as he slipped Shikamaru a fiver.

"Since you are the guest, we'll do whatever you want!" said Shikaonna.

"REALLY?" Naruto gasped.

"Really!" said Shikaonna.

"I get to choose what we do today?" Naruto clarified.

"Yes!" said Shikaonna.

"Aaaaaaannnnything I want?" said Naruto.

"Anything!" said Shikaonna.

"I'm getting a bad feeling…" Shikamaru said.

"Great!" cheered Naruto. "Then I want to go to a theme park!"

"A theme park it is!" said Shikaonna. "Come on, let's go!"

She and Naruto dashed out the doors of the mall.

Shikato and Shikamaru stood there in the dust for a few seconds.

Finally, Shikato looked to his son.

"Give me that back." Said Shikato, holding his hand out.

Reluctantly, Shikamaru handed over the five.


	63. Remember the Uchihas Day

Chapter 63- Remember the Uchihas Day

"Today is Remember the Uchihas Day…" said Asuma, looking sullen.

"Yes." Said Kurenai. "It is a day in which we remember the tragedy that took place all those years ago."

"In which all the Uchihas were killed." Kakashi added.

"We knew that much, Kakashi." Said Gai. "You should have said it more tenderly."

"Well, considering we made this holiday optional, I don't even know why we're here." Said Asuma as the four of them hung out by themselves in Kakashi's team's training area.

"I thought at least SASUKE would show up." Said Kakashi.

"He's probably celebrating the holiday in his own special way." Kurenai decided.

"So…why are we here again?" Gai pondered.

"Um… because we've been missing in action for nine chapters?" Asuma tried.

"Ah yes." Gai said.

"What should we do?" Kurenai asked. "Now that we're finished honoring the Uchihas, that is."

"Hm…" they all said together in a style reminiscent of TK.

Just then, a bus drove up and stopped right in front of them. The four stared at it curiously as an old man slowly used his cane to descend the steep stairs onto the grass of the training area.

"Can we help you?" Gai asked.

The guy only looked up enthusiastically, and then some crazy music started playing. In response, the old man started dancing around like a fool child to all the music and, after a few seconds of watching him, the teachers all agreed that they wanted to join in on the fun.

"DANCE PARTY!" Asuma cheered.

"What a great idea!" Kurenai agreed as she raised the roof.

"NO!" said the old man as the music stopped, and all the teachers stopped enjoying themselves so they could listen to him.

"What is it then?" Kakashi asked as he straightened out his clothing that had become disheveled due to all his mad and wild dancing.

"Six Flags." The old guy replied.

They only continued to stare at him.

"Haven't you ever seen the commercial?" the guy put his hands on his hips.

"Oh wait!" said Gai. "I HAVE seen this commercial!"

"What are we supposed to do?" asked Kurenai.

"We're supposed to punch the air and scream, 'WE'RE GOING TO SIX FLAGS!' and then all pile on the bus." Gai replied.

Gai looked to the old man for approval and he nodded.

Then the teachers all looked at each other and shrugged.

"WE'RE GOING TO SIX FLAGS!" they all screamed as they punched the air and piled on the bus. The guy danced around by himself outside the bus for a little while and then finally got on when the teachers yelled at him for taking forever to get on.

"WOOOOOOO!" everyone on the bus cheered as they drove off.

After approximately five seconds, all the students except Sasuke showed up.

"We showed up to support Sasuke…" started Ino but then she caught sight of the tire tracks.

Shino bent down and touched the tracks. Then he felt the tracks. And smelled the tracks. And listened to the tracks. He didn't taste them because that would just be silly.

"What's up, Shino?" Kiba asked.

"I'm going to kill everyone in the world." Shino replied as if that sort of thing was totally normal.

"You're joking, right?" Kiba said, not even missing a beat this time around.

"Yes." Said Shino.

"HAW HAW HAW!" laughed Kiba.

"Haha." Said Shino.

Kiba immediately stopped laughing. "Whoa." He said.

"It was a joke too." Shino explained.

"So pretending to laugh at your previous lame joke was supposed to also be a joke?" Sakura inferred.

Shino paused. "Yes." He said.

"Well, what did you gather from the tire tracks?" Naruto said.

"Yeah, were our teachers kidnapped or something?" Lee questioned.

"We can only hope." Said Neji with a sigh.

"That would be TERRIBLE!" said Lee.

"Our teachers went to Six Flags." Said Shikamaru.

Everyone gasped. "How did you know?" said Chouji, in awe.

Shikamaru picked up a brochure. "This brochure was on the ground." He answered.

"Ohhhhhhh." Said everyone.

"Is that what you were going to say, Shino?" Shikamaru asked.

"What?" said Shino.

"Well, when you were investigating the tracks, did you come to the same conclusion?" Shikamaru clarified.

"Tracks?" Shino raised an eyebrow.

"Never mind." Said Shikamaru.

"There's still the issue that our teachers went to Six Flags!" said Naruto randomly. Even though it's not really THAT random. "I want to go to Six Flags! I never wanted to celebrate this stupid holiday!"

Then the bus suddenly came back and the old man came out and did his same little show.

"YAY!" cheered the students as they punched the air. "WE'RE GOING TO SIX FLAGS!"

Yes, even Shino and Neji and Shikamaru did.

They all piled on the bus and drove off to Six Flags.

"You know, I feel a little guilty about this…" Hinata admitted to Kiba since they were sitting next to each other on the bus to Six Flags, but Kiba was WAY too busy raising the roof to notice.

When they arrived at Six Flags, they all piled off the bus and it drove off to find more people to transport to Six Flags.

"Let's all just keep in mind that Sasuke is suffering today." Said Kakashi.

They got in line and then noticed a familiar person standing just a few spaces in front of them.

"SASUKE?" they all demanded.

Yes, it was Sasuke. He turned around.

"Hi." He said.

"WHAT?" demanded everyone.

"What what?" Sasuke said.

"It's Remember the Uchihas Day!" Tenten reminded him. "Shouldn't you be… mourning… or something?"

Sasuke paused a moment or so. "No…" he said.

"What?" demanded EVERYONE.

"Remember the Uchihas Day is a day in which I'm supposed to remember all the good times I spent with my family." Said Sasuke. "Not sit around remembering how they died."

Still silence.

"And, one of the good times I spent with them was going to Six Flags." Sasuke explained.

"OH!" said everyone. "GOOD TIMES!"

They all gave the thumbs up, chuckled warmly as a black circle engulfed them.


	64. OMG Yankee Swap Day!

**Okay...we've been bad. We admit it. I guess you all kinda thought we had abandoned Calendar, and I guess we kind of took the summer off. We're going to try out hardest to finish this because we hate having unfinished stories. So bear with us and hopefully we'll see this year all the way to the end! And, in case you're curious, with this chapter finished, this story is officially three hundred pages long. So if you've read this long, you are reading a freaking novel.**

**Sorry for the wait, and thanks for sticking with us.**

Chapter 64- OMG Yankee Swap Day

"WELCOME WELCOME STUDENTS!" Gai greeted the tired and bored students who were being forced to celebrate crazy holidays.

"Hi…" they all said less than enthusiastically.

"Today is Yankee Swap Day." Said Kakashi.

The students groaned.

"What?" said Kurenai.

"Yankee Swap Day is pointless." Said Neji flatly, answering for the whole group. And oddly enough, everyone ACTUALLY agreed with him!

"How do you know?" said Asuma. "Have you ever celebrated Yankee Swap Day?"

"No." said Neji. "But I've lived a fulfilling life up until this point without it, so therefore it is pointless."

The teachers looked at each other and frowned.

"Well, we certainly didn't expect this sort of reaction for a holiday in which you all receive presents." Asuma admitted.

"Frankly, we're quite holidayed out." Sasuke admitted.

"Why is that?" asked Kurenai. "Don't you all love celebrating holidays?"

"NO." said everyone.

"And also, keep in mind that the Chuunin Exam Tournament is only in a few days." Tenten pointed out.

"Two days, actually." Naruto chimed.

"I could have entered the tournament." Said Shino but everyone ignored him.

"WELL!" said Gai. "It is quite apparent to us that none of you want to celebrate Yankee Swap Day."

"Plus it's not a real holiday." Said Kiba.

"SO," said Gai, ignoring Kiba. "We have telepathically come to a decision."

"We get to go home?" inferred the students together.

"NO!" yelled the teachers.

"We're going to play a team bonding game!" said Kurenai.

They only received a few blank stares.

"But, because we're competitive, we're also going to make it a competition." Kakashi added.

"And it's pointless to lie anymore…we had planned this before you guys even arrived." Asuma admitted. He received a few smacks from his fellow teachers for that one.

"That being said," said Gai, whipping out a large poster and showing it off. "We have split you into two groups and we would greatly appreciate it if you moved into those two groups!"

"And as you've probably noticed, it's boys against girls." Said Kurenai, looking happy.

"No it isn't." said Shikamaru, pointing at the poster. "It's true that all the girls are on one of the teams, but let's also notice that Neji and I are on that team as well."

The teachers just stood there.

"Oh." Said Shikamaru. "We have long hair. Hence, we're on the girls team. Got it."

"That's retarded." Said Neji, no matter how un-Neji-ish that seems.

"Whether it has a disability or not, we still split the teams up that way." Said Asuma. "So I must request everyone split up and stand in a circle, facing each other, and make sure to stand shoulder to shoulder and make the circle as small as possible."

Everyone did as they were told so there were two separate little circles.

"Now everyone put your right hand in the middle…" Kurenai instructed.

"I'm kind of feeling like I want to do Yankee Swap now…" said Chouji as they all put their right hands out.

"Grab the a random hand." Said Asuma. "But make sure it's not of the person standing next to you."

"Everyone have a hand? Good!" said Gai. "Now put out your left hands and grab a different person's hand, and still make sure it's not the person next to you!"

Everyone did that.

"In case you haven't already concluded," said Kakashi. "This is the human knot. You have to untangle yourselves so you are a nice little circle WITHOUT letting go of the person's hands."

"The first team to get untangled wins!" said Asuma. "Ready set go!"

The teachers chuckled warmly as the students only continued to stare at them with angry glares.

"COME ON TEAM!" Lee shrieked suddenly, which bummed everyone out because they were all standing so close to him. "We have to win! Let's untangle ourselves!"

"Okay, what we have to do…" said Sasuke as he immediately took charge. "Kiba, you have to step over whosever arms those are…"

"Wait, no this way would be much better!" said Naruto as he suddenly ducked underneath some arms.

"OW!" said Kiba. "That hurt! You're twisting my arm around!"

"Ew, Kiba, that's your hand?" said Naruto, looking disgusted. "Your hand is all sweaty."

"So is yours." Said Kiba.

"No, that is totally all your sweat." Naruto retorted.

"That beign irrelevant…" said Sasuke with a glare. "Could you go back to where you were, Naruto, so we can actually do something constructive?"

"No way!" said Naruto. "I'm in the perfect spot right now!"

"I bet if I went under here then everything would—" Lee declared as he dove under someone's arm, and since he was in between both Sasuke and Naruto, he pulled them both to their knees.

"OW!" they both yelled.

"Sorry!" said Lee since he was still sprawled out on the ground.

Shino looked at his predicament, noted that his hands were locked with Kiba's and Chouji's, and then just spun around in a circle. Somehow, this caused him to face outside of the group, and he contently stood there without having to bother himself with them anymore.

"I think we're even more tangled up now than we were before." Chouji said, observing as Lee, Naruto and Sasuke tried to fix themselves so they weren't in such a precarious position.

"This is a boring game." Said Kiba. "It's going to take forever."

Just then, he felt compelled to look over at the Girls and Neji and Shikamaru group.

"All right, and Hinata just step over Ino and Tenten…" Shikamaru said, as Hinata followed his orders. "And that should about do it…"

The entire team stood up straight to reveal that they were in a perfect circle, holding hands in total harmony and looking relieved.

"How did they ALREADY do it?" Kiba yelled. "They cheated!"

"Oh, what's this?" said Kurenai as she walked over. "The girls win!"

"The girls and Neji and Shikamaru." Neji corrected.

"Whatever!" said Kurenai.

"So…can we all stop holding hands?" asked Shino.

"No." said Kakashi. "This group still has to untie the knot."

"WHAT?" demanded the boys group.

"The rest of you guys can accompany us to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table." Said Asuma. "And then ice cream."

"All right!" cheered the Girls and Neji and Shikamaru Team.

"I will stay here and make sure none of you cheat!" said Kurenai as she pulled out a chair and watched.

"Aww…" said the boy's team sadly.

"I really have to be training for the Chuunin Exam." Said Sasuke through clenched teeth.

"Come on!" said Lee as the other team departed with the male teachers. "We all have to work together like a smoldering volcano of torrid passion!"

"Lee, NO." said Sasuke as he hit Lee over the head.

"Guys, Shino seriously just left." Kiba said, revealing that he was now holding hands with Chouji. Everyone turned around and watched as Shino just strolled away as if he didn't have to be there.

"WTF." They all said.

"Kurenai, aren't you going to do something about that?" demanded Naruto.

"About what?" said Kurenai.

"The fact that Shino just left out of nowhere." Said Naruto.

"Oh." Said Kurenai. "No."

"Why not?" said Chouji.

"Because." Said Kurenai. "He's…SHINO."

Everyone pondered this response.

Then they suddenly realized.

"Yeah…that's true…" they all said together.


	65. Chuunin Exam Tournament

**We were quite happy to see the positive feedback everyone gave us, and at the same time quite surprised that we didn't recieve a single mean spirited comment especially after making you all wait so long. Your continued support makes it easier to crank out the chapters to keep it up and we'll do our best to finish up this freaking novel!**

Chapter 65- Chuunin Exam Tournament

"Hey look, there's a spot!" cheered Sakura as she practically leapt over Ino to point out a place to sit.

Ino quickly counted up the seats. "Seven!" she said. "Perfect!"

Ino pushed Chouji in first so he ended up sitting next to some random person like Kotetsu or Izumo OR MAYBE BOTH OF THEM. She then forced Shikamaru in next and then filed in behind him. Sakura sat down next to her, and then Hinata came in next. Kiba followed closely behind her, practically dragging Shino along, who got to sit in the isle.

"How much have we missed?" Kiba asked as he leaned over to Shino who happened to be holding the program.

"The entire first group of fights." Shino answered. He decided that instead of continuing to explain, he would just hand the program to Kiba. And he did.

Kiba fished through it. "So we missed Naruto fighting against Bob from the Mist Village. We missed Sasuke fighting Josie from the Sand Village, as well as Neji and Tenten's fight. And then we also missed Lee's fight against Sue from some village that I can't pronounce."

"Like I said." Shino raised his eyebrow at Kiba.

"Did Naruto make it to the next round?" Hinata asked.

"Everyone we care about makes it to the next round." Kiba answered. "Except for Neji."

"Tenten beat Neji?" Chouji leaned over.

Kiba looked confused. "Did I say that?" he asked.

"Yes." Said everyone.

"Oh." Said Kiba. "I meant 'except Neji' as in we don't care about him. But he did make it to the next round."

"Oh." Said everyone, trying not to look TOO disappointed.

"So Naruto and Sasuke are in the next fight?" Sakura looked excited.

"Sasuke will win HANDS DOWN." Said Ino.

"Obviously." Said Sakura.

"We so did not even have to come to this." Said Shikamaru, already looking pretty bored.

"These fights are going to be really exciting to watch, Shikamaru." Said Chouji. "Just look. Naruto and Sasuke will be interesting. Then it's Neji and Lee. That'll be interesting too."

"Don't bother, Chouji." Said Ino as if she knew Shikamaru better than Chouji. "There's no use trying to get through to Shikamaru. He's the ULTIMATE party-pooper."

Before Shikamaru could retort, Sakura leaned in.

"I bet if you looked up 'party-pooper' in the dictionary, Shikamaru's picture would be there!" she said.

"Nice one, Sakura!" said Ino.

"Don't tell me you're starting in on this too." Said Shikamaru, slapping his forehead in despair.

"Yeah, Shikamaru is pretty dumb!" Kiba called down the line since he wanted to be involved in whatever mocking was occurring. Akamaru barked some sort of response that caused Kiba to laugh hysterically. "Yeah! What Akamaru said!"

"All right, you know something?" said Shikamaru as he stood up. "These jokes you make…they can be so hurtful."

He tried to push past Ino so he could leave, but Chouji begged him to come back and Ino got in his way.

"Come on, Shikamaru!" said Ino. "Don't be a party-pooper!"

She stood up, put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into his seat.

"Just sit quietly and watch the matches!" she commanded.

"I don't want to." Shikamaru said childishly, crossing his arms and slumping in his seat.

"Oh Shikamaru." Said Chouji.

There was a bit of silence as everyone watched the match that was occurring.

"I'm better than them." Said Shino under his breath. He regretted saying it a second later and sort of wished that it was one of the things that he said IN HIS MIND like everything else in the world.

"What'd you say Shino?" Kiba asked.

"I said I'm better than them." Shino said, regretting THAT even more. What the hell compelled him to perpetuate a conversation? WITH KIBA?

"That might be so, Shino…" Kiba said. "But they're the ones in the Chuunin Exam Tournament. Not you."

"Whose fault is that, Kiba?" Shino asked.

"Well, sort of mine." Kiba replied. "But if you think about it, we still had to get the scroll business and assuming we did that, you'd have to pass the preliminaries so it might not have ended up being my fault if we had gotten past that part."

"Kiba." Said Shino.

But he was at a loss.

"Yes?" Kiba said.

"Never mind." Shino said.

"Besides," Kiba sighed. "You really should learn how to forgive and forget. It's getting sort of annoying the way you eternally hold grudges."

Shino stared at Kiba and then stood up.

Without saying another word, he just left.

Kiba watched him go and then looked at everyone else who was actually paying attention to the fight.

"Hey guys!" he said.

They vaguely looked at him.

"Shino seriously just left!" he said.

Everyone looked up the isle to Shino's back, which was departing, to confirm this fact. It was confirmed.

"Okay…" said everyone, looking back to the fight.

"Did you say something to him?" Hinata asked Kiba.

"No more than usual." Kiba shrugged.

"How come Shino gets to leave but I don't?" Shikamaru asked his female companion.

"Because he was sitting in the isle and next to someone incompetent like Kiba." Ino answered. "Now stop talking because I'm trying to watch Sasuke fight!"

Shikamaru frowned animatedly.

The fight continued for a great time until suddenly, a bunch of evil ninjas bent on destroying Konoha came out of nowhere and broke up the fight.

I suppose that was terribly anti-climactic.

Try this…

The fight continued for a great time until OMG WTF! A WHOLE BUNCH OF EVIL NINJAS JUST APPEARED OUT NOW FREAKING _NOWHERE_ AND THEY ARE TOTALLY BENT ON… OMG DESTROYING KONOHA! BUT WHAT'S WORSE! THEY STOPPED THE INTESNE FIGHT! NOOO!

"We demand a fight with this village's strongest ninjas or we will kill everyone here!" announced the evil ninja.

"AWK!" gasped Kotetsu and Izumo sitting next to Chouji. They were both sitting in the same seat. Izumo was on Kotetsu's lap. It was precious.

"Awk is right!" said Chouji. "Shikamaru, you should go down there to fight the evil ninjas!"

"Me?" said Shikamaru. "Why?"

"Because you're a chuunin." Chouji answered.

"Chouji, there are plenty of other ninjas available who can do it and would have less of a chance of getting murdered." Shikamaru said in a very matter-of-fact tone.

"Translation: he's too lazy." Ino said.

"Hey, I bet if you looked up 'lazy' in the dictionary, Shikamaru's picture would be there!" said Kiba with a laugh.

"I was going to say that…" Sakura pouted.

"I fee like I have no friends." Shikamaru said.

"I'M your friend, Shikamaru." Said Chouji, putting his hand lovingly on Shikamaru's shoulder.

Shikamaru wanted to say, "Please, Chouji, I don't sway that way." But he soon realized that it was just because he was in a bad mood and he didn't want to say anything he'll regret later.

There were numerous ninjas assembled in the center getting ready to fight the evil ninjas.

"Are we supposed to all scatter or just continue to watch?" Hinata whispered to Sakura.

"I don't know." Sakura answered.

"Oh." Said Hinata. She paused and then leaned over to Kiba. "Are we supposed to all scatter or just continue to watch?"

"Well, this probably means that the chuunin exam is over." Kiba concluded. "So I'm just going to leave since I have enough faith in our village. I mean, since Shino left, I want to be cool."

"Since when is what Shino does cool?" asked Ino.

"Since always." Said Kiba in the DUH! tone. "Come on, Akamaru!"

He stood up and walked away.

Hinata looked conflicted for a little bit, but she felt sad that she was at a lack of her teammates so she said a hasty goodbye to the others and sprinted after Kiba.

"I'm going to go and see if Sasuke's okay." Said Sakura, standing up.

"Oh no you don't!" said Ino, practically diving on top of Sakura. "I'M checking to see if Sasuke's okay!"

The two of them fought each other as they ran to where they figured they might find Sasuke.

"I'm hungry." Chouji said finally, stepping around Shikamaru and wandering off to find a snack bar.

Shikamaru watched everyone go and looked pretty annoyed.

"Am I the ONLY sane person here?" he said, shaking his head.


	66. Thanksgiving

Chapter 66- Thanksgiving

"What's that dictionary for, Shikamaru?" Asuma asked as he opened the door to welcome Shikamaru into his humble abode.

"I have something to share with the dinner table." Shikamaru said, holding up the dictionary.

"Well, if it's for everyone, then you're in luck!" said Asuma. "You are the last one to arrive and everyone is sitting around waiting for you."

The pair entered the dining room where, sure enough, everyone was already sitting. Well, everyone with a Y chromosome was, anyway. Shikamaru knew with his high IQ that the sound of the bustling from the kitchen was the women preparing the meal.

Everyone there was currently already engaged in a conversation when Shikamaru and Asuma entered.

"How funny was it that that entire chuunin exam was voided because of those evil ninjas that turned out to be pretty easy to defeat?" Gai slapped his knee. "Oh! Hi Asuma! It seems as though you're number one slacker is here!"

"Shikamaru is NOT a slacker!" said Asuma. "But he is most certainly number one!"

"No!" said Gai. "I said number one SLACKER!" Gai argued.

"The girls are in the kitchen?" Shikamaru said, trying to change the subject before they killed each other over something so silly.

"Is it not customary for the women to prepare the food on Thanksgiving?" Gai cheered as he relished in his good fortune, totally getting over his previous argument.

"Isn't it customary for women to prepare the food ALL THE TIME?" came Ino's angry voice as she popped her head in. She was promptly yanked back into the kitchen to continue preparation.

"Shikamaru was just telling me that he had something interesting to share with us from his dictionary!" Asuma declared as he took his seat.

Shikamaru looked for a place to sit, and finally found a nametag that dictated his place.

"Nametags?" Shikamaru said as he took his seat in between Naruto and Chouji.

"Yes!" said Gai. "In order to avoid conflicts, we set up nametags so no one would fight over where they're going to sit!"

"You didn't do a good job deciding where we were going to sit, however." Said Neji, glaring across the table at Hinata's nametag that was certainly doing him no harm.

"Well, it just worked out that way with the teams arranged like this." Said Gai. "That's why we put you next to Kiba!"

"Why?" said Kiba and Neji at the same time.

"Because if you try anything fishy, Kiba will be there to shoot you down." Gai replied.

"Gai," said Kiba. "I will verbally assault Neji, but don't think for a second that I will actually attempt to physically assault him.

"Oh." Said Gai, feeling a little foolish.

Just so you're not left in the dark as to where everyone is, we made a helpful little diagram displaying the locations of where they are. If you are confused by the diagram, take a moment to collect yourself, and maybe sober up, and then take another look at the diagram. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Asuma T Kakashi

Kurenai H Gai

Tenten E Lee

Hinata T Neji

Shino A Kiba

Sakura B Naruto

Sasuke L Shikamaru

Ino E Chouji

Now that that's out of the way, can I get a hoo-RAH? Thank you.

And remember the girls aren't actually there quite yet. They're in the kitchen.

All right SO ANYWAY. That's where everyone was sitting. As you can probably guess, Sasuke was pretty distraught that he was stuck in the middle of Sakura and Ino. And when you think about it, all the of the seating assignments were pretty outrageous, so the teachers must have been high or something when they arranged the nametags. Nevertheless, the students had to abide by them.

Cause it was Thanksgiving.

"Anyway." Said Asuma. "Shikamaru, I am still ever so curious about that dictionary you are lugging around. Please tell us the meaning of some interesting word."

Shikamaru nodded, stood up and cleared his throat. He fanned through the dictionary a bit and then looked around as if he were about to give a grand speech.

"Thanksgiving:" he began. "The fourth Thursday in November in the United States to commemorate a feast held in 1621 by the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag."

He slapped the dictionary shut, laid it down on the table and then took his seat again.

There was a general silence as the reaction.

"Care to explain?" Kakashi requested.

"Can't you look underneath the underneath?" Shikamaru said.

Kakashi looked almost offended, but he knew it was true so he didn't say anything in response.

"Fine." He said. "I'll look underneath the underneath."

"Oh please do, Kakashi." Gai pleaded.

He paused a moment.

"Okay." Kakashi said. "You read the definition because you are pointing out that the holiday is irrelevant to us, because not only do we NOT live in the United States, but we're really not even in the same universe as the United States. Is this why you're bringing this to our attention?"

"Yes." Said Shikamaru.

"WHY?" cried Chouji. "This is THANKSGIVING!"

"And?" said Shikamaru.

"Does that dictionary definition include what it is that actually happens on Thanksgiving?" Naruto said.

Shikamaru paused a moment, and then shook his head. "Well, we all know what it's for." He said. "We don't need a dictionary to know that."

"Right." Said Sasuke. "It's a holiday whose sole purpose is to gorge yourself like a disgusting pig."

"Not that that's a bad thing!" said Chouji.

"But…" said Kakashi. "Shikamaru does bring up a good point. We DID celebrate the 4th of July. Perhaps the celebration of Thanksgiving is over the top."

"But we WANT to celebrate Thanksgiving!" said Lee.

"I've been waiting for Thanksgiving all year!" said Chouji desperately.

"Well, I suppose we should just pack up and leave." Said Gai with a flamboyant shrug.

Before there could be a loud outcry for such a thing to NOT happen, the doors to the kitchen suddenly flung open.

"FOOD'S READY!" cheered the females.

"No sense letting this food to go to waste." Said Asuma with a flamboyant shrug that rivaled Gai's. Gai did another flamboyant shrug to prove that he wasn't a pussie.

After all the food was placed on the table, the women took their seats.

I must say it was quite awkward as Hinata sat down and would have potentially had to look Neji in the eye if not for the fact that she was staring at her plate.

Ino and Sakura were delighted to find that Sasuke was seated in between the two of them, but were of course disgruntled with the fact that the other was also present.

Tenten made an observation. "All the girls are on one side of the table!" she said to Kurenai who was sitting next to her. "The only men on this side of the table are Asuma, Shino and Sasuke!"

"That's true." Said Kurenai. "Did we do that on purpose?"

"Who cares?" said everyone else with that "LET'S EAT!" look on their faces.

"Could someone pass the massive turkey?" Naruto asked.

"Not until we say grace." Said Gai.

"…Grace?" Naruto said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes!" said Gai. "We have to say grace before we eat this delicious meal! Kakashi, my eternal rival, would you like the honors?"

"Why certainly." Said Kakashi as he gestured for everyone to get into the appropriate 'Grace' positions.

They waited with their eyes clothes as Kakashi cleared his throat and readied himself for the grace.

"Dear Heavenly Father." Kakashi began.

Then there was a pause.

Gai opened one eye to look at Kakashi to make sure he was still there.

He was. He was just sitting there.

"Kakashi…?" Asuma whispered.

"Dear Heavenly Father." Kakashi repeated.

Then he paused again.

Just when someone was about to inquire why he wasn't continuing AGAIN, he suddenly spoke.

"Pass."

"Pass?" everyone inquired, opening their eyes.

"Pass." Kakashi said.

"Dare you pass grace onto ME, Kakashi?" said Gai.

"Well, I've decided this is a pass on grace." Kakashi announced. "I'll start, and we'll go around the table and everyone will say what they are thankful for."

"Well, you're not saying what you're thankful for if you just say 'dear Heavenly Father'." Kurenai pointed out.

"Very well." Said Kakashi. "Assume Grace Positions. I will begin again."

He cleared his throat dramatically. Everyone was actually quite curious about what Kakashi was thankful for.

"I am thankful for Raisinets." Kakashi said finally. "They turn the otherwise dull raisins into something delicious and chocolate covered, and they are exquisite."

Once again, the table was rendered silent.

"Are you being serious right now, Kakashi?" Asuma whispered.

"Yes." Said Kakashi. "Have you ever had Raisinets? They're absolutely amazing."

"…Okay…" said Asuma. "Gai, how about you go next? And we'll just go around the table."

"All right." Said Gai. "I am thankful for life and youthfulness! Also, my adorable students, Lee, Neji and Tenten!" Under his breath, Gai quickly added, "But especially Lee."

He THOUGHT no one heard him, but they didn't even have to hear him say it to know it was true.

"Lee?" said Gai.

"I am thankful for the exact same things as you, Gai!" said Lee. "I am thankful for my wonderful teacher and my supportive teammates, and life and youthfulness!"

"Lee!" said Gai.

"Gai!" said Lee.

The two of them dove into each other's arms and nearly knocked the table over.

"Next, next!" said Naruto, trying to move things along so he could eat.

"Let's just skip over Neji since he's just going to say something negative and annoying." Kurenai said.

"Hey." Said Neji, but he couldn't argue because it was true.

"Kiba?" Kurenai offered.

"I'm thankful for Akamaru, and having a healthy family and team!" said Kiba. "And uh…well…I guess that's it!"

"Kiba, that was so sweet!" said Kurenai.

"No!" said Kiba, as he quickly tried to think of something more butch to say. "And um…I'm thankful for… um… manly stuff…"

He realized that it was impossible to sound manly when talking about things he's thankful for. So he pouted when he only ended up making himself sound stupid.

"My turn!" said Naruto.

"It's Akamaru's turn!" said Kiba.

"What?" said Naruto, looking annoyed.

"Go ahead, Akamaru." Said Kiba.

Akamaru barked something to the table, and everyone humored him and Kiba by saying something or other in response. Kiba looked satisfied and finally let Naruto go ahead with what he was thankful for.

"I'm thankful for the fact that someday I will be THE HOKAGE!" Naruto jumped up on his chair and threw his arms up in a figurative sense.

"You just wanted to say that." Said Sasuke. "That doesn't even make sense."

"Oh yes it does." Said Naruto, sitting back down.

Next up was Shikamaru.

Shikamaru frowned. "I am thankful that it is late November."

"What a random thing to be thankful for!" exclaimed Asuma, hanging on Shikamaru's every word. "Won't you explain?"

"Because then that means it's almost December, which means this year is almost over." Shikamaru answered.

"But it won't be December before Lee's birthday!" said Gai.

"Which reminds me!" said Kurenai. "Asuma, you have to plan that."

"It will be amazing." Asuma said.

"Back to grace?" Kakashi said. "Chouji."

"Like Shikamaru, I am also quite thankful that it is late November." Chouji said, his eyes welding with tears as he looked at all the glorious food that sat before him. "But my reasoning is different! I am thankful it is late November because that means it is Thanksgiving!"

"Oh Chouji." Said everyone as they pat him on the head.

"My turn!" said Ino. "I am thankful for my teacher's temporary lapse in judgment in which they assigned Sasuke to sit next to me!"

All the teachers leaned over.

"Oh yeah, we DID do that, didn't we?" said Gai.

"Oh well." Said Asuma.

"Not oh well!" said Sasuke angrily.

"Just shut up and say what you're thankful for, Sasuke." Kakashi ordered.

"I'm thankful for the fact that someday I'll be strong enough to defeat my brother and avenge my clan…" Sasuke said, clenching his fist dramatically.

"Oh come on, Sasuke!" said Naruto. "You accuse ME of 'just wanting to say something'? That doesn't even make sense either!"

"Shut up, Naruto!" Sasuke ordered.

"I'M thankful for the fact that I'm sitting next to Sasuke!" Sakura announced, grabbing Sasuke's arm lovingly. "And just so I don't seem as shallow as Ino, I'm ALSO thankful for a healthy family!"

"Hey, I'm thankful for a healthy family too!" said Ino.

"Copycat!" said Sakura.

"You copied me too!" Ino pointed out.

"Now now." Said Kurenai. "Everyone has to be quiet. Absolutely quiet. It's Shino's turn."

With that, everyone became totally silent and stared at Shino.

Shino wanted to know why he was in the middle of the table. He also wanted to know why everyone was staring at him. Well, he knew why. But he wanted to know why they didn't know that he was mad at them for staring at him.

"Um." Said Shino.

If given the chance, Shino would have likely followed up with "I'm Shino" or something equally intelligent, but the teachers essentially decided right then and there that they were bored with this game and wanted to eat food. Thus, the attention shifted to Hinata who was also quite apprehensive.

She wanted to say that she was thankful to have a healthy family, but she could feel Neji's evil glare burning a hole through the top of her head. She knew he would make a mean spirited comment and probably kill her later.

"I'm uh…" Hinata started. "Thankful for…"

Hinata knew that whatever she said, Neji was going to make a mean spirited comment concerning the Main House.

"Okay, moving on!" said Kurenai since she quickly realized this fact as well. Neji tried not to look TOO disappointed to not get the opportunity to abuse Hinata. "Tenten, you go ahead."

"I'm thankful for all the support I get from my family and team to help me become a great ninja!" said Tenten. "Except for Neji. He sort of doesn't really help."

"Tis the season to be jolly, Tenten." Gai warned.

"No, Gai, that's Christmas." Neji said.

"Oh." Said Gai. "Never mind. I guess that's all right."

"Okay." Said Tenten with a shrug, gesturing for Kurenai to take her turn.

"I'm thankful for a healthy family and my wonderful team!" said Kurenai.

"Way to be original, Kurenai." Said Kakashi.

"Leave me alone, Kakashi!" said Kurenai. "Not everyone can smoke as much as you do that leaves you with being thankful for Raisinets!"

"That hurt." Said Kakashi, looking legitimately sad.

But Asuma was far from caring because it was now his turn, which meant it was almost time for food. "I am also thankful for my team and a healthy family!" he announced. "So with that said, I'm going to say one final line of grace and then we can eat! Good food, good meet, good GOD! Let's eat!"

"WOOT!" cheered everyone as there was a mad dash for the food.


	67. Lee's Special Birthday

Chapter 67- Lee's Special Birthday

Everyone (and surely you know what I mean by 'everyone') was wandering around in a peculiar looking place with big fake trees and a backdrop. It was ultimately weird.

They finally came to an archway that had a big sign hanging down.

All the kids crowded up and read together: "Enter with a song!" they said. Then they looked pondering at their teachers and followed up with, "What song?"

The teachers grinned and responded by saying, "Why, a MUSIC song!" It was as if they had rehearsed it…and they probably did.

"So we can't get into Lee's party unless we sing a song?" Sakura clarified.

"Exactly right." Said Asuma. "Now everyone get into a circle and Lee gets to stand in the middle."

"GLEE! BECAUSE I'M THE BIRTHDAY BOY!" Lee shouted as he practically dove into the middle of the circle.

"Now…does everyone feel the song in your heart?" Asuma asked.

They looked at him quizzically, and then suddenly looked shocked.

"My god, I do." Said Kiba.

Music started to echo from nowhere as everyone joined hands and started moving around Lee.

"_Lee is wearing a green suit, a green suit, a green suit. Lee is wearing a green suit, all day long!"_

Lee danced around crazily like he was being paid for it as the group sang this silly little song. Whence they were finished, Asuma instructed Lee to come into the circle.

"Who's next?" said Kurenai.

"How about Tenten?" Gai suggested as he booted Tenten into the middle of the circle.

"Hey!" said Tenten.

"Don't forget to dance while we sing about you!" Asuma warned.

"_Tenten is wearing a pink shirt, a pink shirt, a pink shirt. Tenten is wearing a pink shirt all day long!"_

"This is such a mentally retarded song." Said Neji.

"Well, Neji, since you're the only one on my team who hasn't gone yet and Lee is the guest of honor, making US the guests of honor, YOU'RE next!" said Gai in such a convoluted manner that it was good Neji was trying to figure out exactly what had transpired when Gai kicked him into the middle.

Tenten rejoined the circle and they continued moving around Neji as he just stood there like: "ANGST."

"_Neji is wearing a white lifejacket, white lifejacket, white lifejacket. Neji is wearing a white lifejacket all day long!"_

"Is that supposed to be funny?" Neji glared at everyone.

"Shino is next!" said Kurenai excitedly as she shoved Shino into the middle of the circle.

The group, however, did not start singing about what Shino was wearing. Instead, they just stopped the circle.

"Don't stop on my account." Said Shino.

"Yeah…that's probably enough singing to get us into the party." Kakashi decided.

"SORRY SHINO!" screamed everyone. "BUT WE STILL ADORE YOUR LIGHT-ISH GREENISH TYPE JACKET!"

Shino took a step back from the large group that was screaming at him.

"All right, let's all gather round and have cake and open presents!" Asuma announced.

_But, before we press forward from this point, we're going to take few moments to honor a great man. Though he is portrayed greatly out of character through our insane fiction, Asuma is badass and he is the shit. Though he wasn't really anyone's favorite character, I highly doubt there was a single soul that would try to accuse him of being among their least favorite. And now that he has perished, the world will never be the same. Alas._

_(Sorry if you're not reading the manga and we just TOTALLY ruined that for you but come on…Asuma.)_

There was a slight pause among the group.

"Er…" said Kakashi. "Let's try not to let that get us down."

"Of course not!" said Asuma. "Through memories and fanfiction I shall live on forever!"

"HURRAY!" cheered everyone as they punched the air.

Everyone gathered around a picnic table with Lee sitting at the head. Since, after all, it was his birthday.

"When do I get my cake and presents?" Lee asked eagerly.

"Lee, this is a musical birthday." Asuma pointed out. "You have to acquire said items through song."

"OH RIGHT!" said Lee as if it were completely obvious. He then proceeded to climb up on top of the table and start dancing and skipping around. "_Rickity, tickity, look at me! How many presents do you see?"_

"_ONE!" _screamed everyone sitting at the table as Naruto got to his feet and offered a large gift to Lee.

"_Thank you…Naruto!" _said Lee as he took the present and put it at the end of the table. Then he started dancing around foolishly. "_Rickity tickity, look at me! How many presents do you see?"_

"_TWO!" _screamed everyone as Kiba jumped up and offered a gift to Lee.

"_Thank you, Kiba."_ Said Lee as he repeated the same process as the one he did with Naruto's. "_Rickity, tickity, look at me. How many presents do you see?"_

"_THREE!" _screamed everyone as Sakura offered a present.

"_Thank you, Sakura_." Said Lee.

As you can probably assume, this process continued until Lee had received all his gifts and stacked them at the end of the table. Lee decided he wanted to open Gai's present first and, not surprisingly, it was a green body suit even though Lee obviously has like five hundred of them. Afterwards, he opened up Kiba's gift and pulled out what looked like a dog collar.

"Oh it's so pretty!" said Lee. "Does it match my eyes?"

"It's not for you." Said Kiba. "It's for your dog."

"I don't have a dog." Said Lee.

"You should get one." Kiba said.

"Okay." Said Lee with a shrug.

"Cause if you did, and then named your dog Bingo then we'd be able to sing that Bingo about you." Kiba said.

"Stop talking Kiba." Shino ordered.

Before Kiba could refute Shino, the skies suddenly opened up and it started thundering and lightninging.

"Head for that cave!" Kurenai said as everyone screamed and sprinted for a conveniently placed cave where they could take shelter.

Once there, Lee started to get upset. "Why did it have to rain on my birthday?" he cried.

And, just as he said that, there was a loud BOOM of thunder and everyone screamed.

"Don't be afraid, everyone!" said Asuma. "Thunder is just the sound of two big clouds bumping into each other!"

"It's still scary…" said Ino.

"In that case, how about we sing a song to get our mind off the thunder?" suggested Kakashi. "This being a musical birthday and all."

"All right!" said Lee as he stepped forth and clenched his fist dramatically. "_Old MacDonald had a farm—"_

"Er…how about one more rain oriented?" Sasuke interrupted.

"Oh." Said Lee, bowing his head. But then he came alive again since he thought of a new idea. "_Rain, rain, go away! Come again another day! Little Lee wants to play! Rain, rain, go away!"_

As it turned out, there consistent singing seemed to make the rain go away. And, once it did, a beautiful rainbow opened up in the Heavens and sang down upon them. They figured that since it was so bright and sunny and the even the rainbows were singing, they might as well return a song back to it.

A marching band, a giant teapot and a man dressed in a rabbit suit came out as they sang about the most glorious of things. They all started marching around in circles and cheering and having a most joyful time.

That's when Asuma ran up to Lee with a cake with many a candle on it.

"Make a wish!" he commanded.

"I wish every birthday could be as special as this one!" Lee exclaimed, beaming. And then he blew out the candles.

And Asuma was happy because he was loved by all. Forever. And ever.


	68. National Circus Month

Chapter 68- National Circus Month

"So as you have all probably deducted, December is National Circus Month—KAKASHI, MY ETERNAL RIVAL, PUT ON YOUR SILLY CLOWN NOSE!"

Gai whipped around and noticed that Kakashi had taken off his red clown nose.

"Um…no…" said Kakashi.

Sure enough, all of the teachers were in the spirit of National Circus Month and were wearing red noses. Well, except for Kakashi OBVIOUSLY.

"Why I outta…" Gai shook his fist at Kakashi.

"It's all right!" said Kurenai. "Let's just explain what will happen for the rest of the month to the students!"

"December is going to be a fun filled month!" said Asuma. "Today, the 8th of December, we shall celebrate National Circus Month!"

"We are also eagerly awaiting the arrival of the first snow." Said Gai. "So when it snows for the first time this year, you had all better come and gather or else it'll be a thousand laps around Konoha!"

"Gai please, don't interrupt me!" said Asuma. Asuma cleared his throat and Gai allowed him to continue since everyone officially loves Asuma now. "Kakashi gets to celebrate Winter as his season since all we teachers had an opportunity to do such."

Everyone looked confused.

"You know," said Asuma. "When I did autumn themed arts and crafts… and Kurenai took you all to the beach for summer…"

"And I had that picnic in spring!" Gai added.

"YES GAI, I DO REMEMBER THE PICNIC BASKET THEIVES!" Lee screamed.

"ANYWAY," said Asuma. "Whatever activity Kakashi plans will take place on the twentieth."

"Anyone who doesn't show up with regret it." Kakashi warned.

This frightened the students.

"Then we all have Christmas, and we'll soon be telling you the fun that will occur during Christmas." Asuma went on as if Kakashi wasn't scary. "And THEN we have Hinata's birthday!"

"YOU get to plan that, Lee!" said Gai.

"I WILL DO MY BEST TO PLAN HINATA'S BIRTHDAY!" Lee hollered like it was his job.

"And then we're done I bet, right?" said Kiba. "Since Hinata's birthday is on the 27th. There can't possibly be any holidays after that."

"Well, New Years." Kurenai said.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Shikamaru crossed his arms. "One month, seven more holidays." He said. "We can do it. I feel optimistic."

"Wow, Shikamaru, that certainly is a first!" Ino exclaimed. "I would think you'd be too LAZY to look at the glass half full!"

"Ino…" Shikamaru clenched his fist.

"What funness do we get to do for National Circus Month?" asked Naruto cheerfully, trying to look on the bright side of things.

"We're going to have a fun filled day at the CIRCUS!" screamed Gai as he pulled some branches aside to reveal there was, in fact, quite the large and engaging circus before them.

Everyone cheered and jumped into the air. They all sprinted towards the circus, except for Shikamaru who stayed behind and gave the teachers a questioning glare.

"I'm kind of not feeling all that optimistic anymore." Shikamaru confessed.

"This is a CIRCUS!" said Gai. "How can you not be optimistic?"

"I don't like circuses." Said Shikamaru. "May I be permitted to go home?"

"No!" said Kurenai. "You have to enjoy the circus with everyone else!"

"If even SHINO went to the circus then you have no excuse to avoid it." Kakashi pointed out.

"Well, I guess if Shino can endure a circus, I should at least go…" Shikamaru grumbled as he made his way towards the big top.

"Isn't Shino at home sick with the flu today?" Asuma questioned Kakashi.

"Yeah." Said Kakashi. "But HE doesn't know that."

"Oh Kakashi!" chuckled Kurenai.

Meanwhile, Shikamaru met up with everyone else inside the Big Top where they sat in the same area to watch the performance.

"What sort of insane things can we expect from a circus?" Chouji wondered as Shikamaru sat down.

"Logically, nothing should really impress us because we can essentially do everything they do by manipulating our chakra and—" Shikamaru began but Ino smacked him upside the head.

"How about you DON'T ruin the circus for me?" she demanded.

"You are getting abusive." Shikamaru pointed out.

"SHH!" Sakura hushed them. "I'm trying to enjoy the show!"

Said show had hardly begun before a band of evil ninjas ripped open the top of the tent and dropped through. All the audience and performers started screaming and running around frantically until they realized that the ninjas had infiltrated the entire circus and closed off the exits.

"HAHAHA!" laughed the Boss Ninja. It was obvious he was the Boss because he had a scepter. Everyone knows that scepters equal bosses. "You think that just because you all left the Chuunin Exam a few weeks back that we weren't going to return and come back to haunt you! Well clearly you thought wrong because here we are!"

"Those are the same guys from the tournament?" Hinata translated.

"No one ended up fighting them?" questioned Kiba.

"So now you have no choice!" screamed the Boss Ninja. "Until the strongest ninjas fight us and defeat us, you will not be allowed to leave this place!"

"I'LL fight them." Sasuke decided. "They ruined my chances at becoming a Chuunin because they interrupted the tournament."

Sasuke rolled him his sleeves and started marching towards the ninjas. And don't think you're smart because you noticed that SASUKE DOESN'T HAVE SLEEVES because, as a matter of fact, he DID have sleeves because it's December and that is a cold month. SO I WIN. NOT YOU.

"Sasuke wait," said Sakura desperately. "Those are jounin ninjas! I would hate for you to get hurt!"

"Yeah, send Shikamaru!" said Ino as she pushed Shikamaru in the direction of the ninjas.

"What?" said Shikamaru. "Why ME?"

"Because you're a chuunin, OBVIOUSLY." Said Ino.

"You sound like Asuma." Said Shikamaru, rolling his eyes.

"I bet if we all fought them together, we would OWN them!" said Naruto.

"I WILL FIGHT ONE PERSON AT A TIME!" announced the Boss Ninja.

"I WILL FIGHT YOU!" yelled Kotetsu and Izumo. They looked at each other and then hugged because they are telepathically linked…OBVIOUSLY.

"So much for THAT plan, Naruto." Said Kiba as if it was Naruto's fault that the Boss Ninja had said that.

Before Naruto could respond, Shino suddenly walked over so Kiba became INCREDIBLY distracted.

"Shino!" said Kiba. "I thought you had the flu!"

"Well." Said Shino. "I only said I had the flu because I heard the circus was in town and I didn't want to miss it by going to a holiday thing."

Kiba stared at Shino skeptically.

"So…you like circuses?" Kiba said finally.

"Yes." Said Shino. "But now I am…"

Shino trailed off.

"What's that word." He said.

"What word?" Kiba asked.

"That word that describes you when you become discouraged because of the failure of your hopes and expectations." Shino answered.

Kiba thought for a moment. "Disappointed?" he guessed.

"Yes." Said Shino. "That one."

"You're disappointed because the circus is ruined?" Kiba said.

Shino nodded.

"So…" Kiba continued. "You're…going to fight the evil ninjas to get your revenge for them ruining the circus?"

"That's not a bad idea." Said Shikamaru as he walked over. "Because as it turns out, I happened to notice something about these evil ninjas."

"And what's that?" Neji asked since he wanted to be included in the destroying of lives.

"Remember Kurenai's birthday back in Chapter 23?" Shikamaru said.

Everyone thought for a moment.

"Yeah!" said Chouji. "That one where we went to the restaurant with the grill in the middle of the table! I planned that party!"

"Yeah." Said Shikamaru. "Does anyone remember what happened?"

There was another thinking period.

"Oh right." Said Sasuke. "Didn't something crash it…?"

"Yes, quite the complicated original character _slash _filler character." Shikamaru said. "And he was apart of an organization called The Seven Lords of the Legendary Weather Witches."

"How do you remember that?" said Tenten.

"Wasn't it…the Legendary Seven Lords of the Weather Witches?" Lee said.

"No, I'm quite certain the 'legendary' part came immediately before the 'weather witches' part." Shikamaru answered.

"Maybe it was the Legendary Seven Lords of the Legendary Weather Witches." Suggested Naruto.

"That's too many 'legendary's." said Sakura.

"I could have sworn it was the Lords of the Seven Legendary Weather Witches." Sasuke reasoned.

Shikamaru was just about to refute that, but he gave a heavy sigh. "Well WHATEVER." He said. "Question my proven intelligence if you MUST, but the fact still stands that he was apart of a group and he carried a scepter identical to the one that that evil ninja has."

"So…you think that this guy is apart of the same group as the guy who crashed Kurenai's birthday back in June?" Neji inferred.

"No." said Shikamaru.

"Okay…then what's the point?" Neji said.

"Well, I don't THINK he's apart of the same group." Shikamaru said, crossing his arms and looking smug. "I KNOW."

"I would gentle fist you into the next holiday if not for the fact that you obviously have a plan…" Neji threatened as he gave Shikamaru the mother of all glares.

"Well," Shikamaru said once he had recovered from the glare. "Does anyone remember how we ended up defeating the other guy?"

"I don't remember fighting him." Chouji admitted.

"It's because we didn't." Shikamaru said. "Shino showed up late."

"And then he melted into a pile of goo." Shino said.

Everyone was happy because Shino had used to the word 'goo'.

"Aburames are their weakness." Shikamaru said. "So therefore they came to a circus where they were fairly certain that there would be no Aburames."

"And logically, there really shouldn't be." Kiba said, raising an eyebrow at Shino who was all like: "WHAT."

"So all you have to do is approach them and surely they will perish." Shikamaru concluded.

"You know, you could have just said THAT." Said Shino.

"Yeah, you didn't need to take up so much time explaining it so thoroughly." Ino frowned.

"It's what I do." Said Shikamaru. "Get used to it."

So Shino approached the Boss Ninja.

And the Boss Ninja screamed and melted into a pile of goo, as did all of his minions. It was quite an easy death, and once he had been completely destroyed, the audience and performers gathered around to observe. Shino was congratulated for his awesome job, and no one credited the plan to Shikamaru so he went unrecognized, but he didn't really care all THAT much.

After they mopped up the goo of the evil ninjas and sent a few foolhardy Konoha ninjas to the hospital, the performers cleaned up the area and got ready to perform.

"Shino, what would we do without you?" Kiba said as Shino sat down.

Shino didn't answer for a little bit. Actually, he didn't answer at all. But Kiba expected him to answer so he continued to wait. And wait he shall for all eternity.


	69. First Snow

Chapter 69- First Snow

"This wasn't one of the holidays you mentioned before." Shikamaru glared at the teachers.

"Well you know us." Said Asuma cheerfully. "We say things we don't mean and then sometimes we stretch the truth and other times we just lie."

"That's what happens when you slowly but surely become more and more out of character!" Kurenai said, pointing her finger up in the air.

"That being said, let's cut right to the chase," Kakashi said, whipping out a giant piece of cardboard and setting it up on an easel. "As you can all see, today is the first snow of the year."

Everyone looked around, all bundled up in their winter clothing all cozy and warm. They were standing outside in… oh let's just say it was Neji's favorite training area.

"So anyway," Kakashi said, once again gesturing towards the easel that everyone else had failed to even comment on. "We assigned RANDOM groups—"

"Why does it ALWAYS have to be a competition and why do there ALWAYS have to be these random groups…?" demanded Neji.

"Admit it, Neji, you love it." Gai said.

Neji crossed his arms and decided he was giving Gai the silent treatment.

"So anyway AGAIN," Kakashi continued, clearing his throat slightly. "The groups are split up alphabetically by last name."

"So therefore they're NOT random." Shikamaru pointed out.

"The first group of three is…" Kakashi said, ignoring Shikamaru. "Shino, Chouji and Sakura."

"Worst group ever!" wailed Sakura.

"Whoa." Said Chouji, a little taken aback by Sakura's sudden outburst of tears.

Shino, of course, just stood there like a tree. A tree with a scarf on.

"Hinata, Neji and Kiba." Kakashi said.

"Why do we have to have the same last name anyway?" Neji said with a glare at Hinata.

Hinata hid behind Kiba.

"I WOULD say this group is awesome, except Neji is in it!" Kiba announced openly. "Can we trade Shino and Neji?"

"No trading!" Asuma said adamantly.

"The next group is Shikamaru, Lee and Tenten." Kakashi read.

"Hold up!" said Tenten. "What did you list my last name as?"

"Um…Tenten." Gai admitted, avoiding eye contact.

"What, so you listed me as Tenten Tenten?" Tenten said angrily.

"Well, we would have listed your REAL last name except for the fact that you keep it so very secret!" said Kurenai.

"I do NOT keep it secret!" Tenten argued.

"No more interruptions anymore," Kakashi ordered. "Just listen up to the last group."

"We don't have to!" said Naruto. "Me, Sasuke and Ino are the only ones left so we know we're the last group!"

"Wouldn't it be great if this was our ACTUAL team?" cheered Ino as she grabbed Sasuke's arm.

"Damn you, Ino!" Sakura said, shaking her fist at Ino.

Sasuke's eye twitched. He was hoping that he would end up with someone sane like…

Um…

Well, essentially he just wanted to go home.

"Now run along everyone and let the competition begin!" exclaimed Asuma.

"You haven't even told us what the competition is." Kiba reminded him.

"Oh right!" chuckled all of the teachers.

"We're going to have an intense snowball fight." Gai announced. "If you get hit by a snowball then you're out. The team left standing at the end will be victorious."

"In addition, to encourage you to throw more snowballs, the person who hits the most people will get a special prize that has everything to do with the winter celebration coming up!" Kurenai added.

"What does the winning team that is left standing at the end get as a prize?" questioned Naruto.

"You WON'T have to shovel all of our front walks with the others!" Gai said.

Everyone looked at each other and started hurling snowballs at various faces.

"The game will not begin for another ten minutes!" Gai called over the commotion. "So each team should go off and take this time to build a fort!"

So then the activity changed to running off and finding the best place to build a fort.

With Team SSC…

Sakura was furiously trying to make a snow fort because she didn't want to be one of the people who were forced to shovel the front walks of her teachers. Shino was just standing there and Chouji had finished his bag of chips, picked up a scoop of snow and had started munching on that.

"HELLO?" Sakura said finally so it startled both Shino and Chouji. They had various ways of showing it of course.

"What?" said Chouji.

"We have to make the fort!" said Sakura.

"We're probably not going to win anyway." Said Chouji with a shrug.

"Why would you say that?" demanded Sakura.

"You saw the other teams, right?" said Chouji. "Lee is so passionate about everything, he'll do great with Shikamaru there to give him plans! And then another team as Kiba on it and he'll be able to sniff out everyone, as well as two Hyuugas who have 360 degree vision. And then the last team as both Sasuke and Naruto on it so…" Chouji shrugged. "I don't know."

"You're right Chouji," Sakura said sarcastically as she stood up and crossed her arms. "We should just GIVE UP!"

"I didn't mean THAT…" said Chouji.

But he didn't have to continue because Shino suddenly took a step forward.

"We will not be giving up." he declared.

They stared at Shino and waited for him to say more, but he just took a step backwards to where he was standing before. His work was done.

With Team HNK…

"There we go…" said Neji as he patted a massive snowy fort. It was taller than he was and in a gigantic circular formation so it looked somewhat like an igloo, but also somewhat like a top. We all know how much Neji loves circular forts.

Kiba's head popped out of the snow and he pushed it aside.

"Me and Akamaru finished building the tunnel!" he declared as he pulled himself out. He looked at the fort. "Hey, this isn't half bad, Neji! Now I sort of am glad that we were on the same team!" He knocked on the snow and it made a solid noise. "Who would have ever thought that you could meld chakra with snow to make it so durable?"

"Well, I've had a lot of practice in the annual Main House versus Branch House snowball fight at the Hyuuga complex." Neji said as if this was a completely normal thing.

"Do they really have that sort of thing?" Kiba raised an eyebrow.

"Yes." Said Neji. "SO?"

"Never mind." Kiba shrugged.

"Did Hinata finish making enough snowballs in case of an attack?" Neji asked.

"I don't think so." Kiba admitted.

"I give her ONE task…" Neji said as if Hinata had just failed to invent the wheel. Kiba had to keep Neji away from the tunnel long enough to alleviate his anger on something else.

With Team SLT…

Whoa. How about we change the letters around.

With Team TSL… (that's better)

"All right this is the plan," Shikamaru said. "Our team can win but we have to sacrifice a player. That's where you come in, Tenten."

"Why me?" demanded Tenten.

"It's simple." Shikamaru said. "We only need one teammate standing at the end in order to win. Tenten, you go around and eliminate as many people as you can with your precise aim. If you don't end up getting hit, then fine. Lee and I stay hidden until there is only one person left to eliminate, and then we come out. At that point, it'll be two against one and there will be a showdown, and victory is guaranteed almost one hundred percent."

Tenten and Lee looked at each other and then back at Shikamaru.

"That sounds like it could work." Said Tenten.

"What are you talking about?" said Lee. "OF COURSE it'll work."

"He's right!" said Lee, looking determined. "Shikamaru is the only chuunin among us FOR A REASON! Though I don't know how long I'll be able to tolerate staying hidden as Tenten goes around and has all the fun…"

"Trust me, you'll survive." Shikamaru assured him.

With Team SIN…(Whoa, that sounds BADASS.)

"Let's split into two groups!" Ino said, grabbing onto Sasuke's arm. "Me and Sasuke will be one team, and you can be the other team, Naruto!"

"Okay!" said Naruto. "That'll—hey wait a second! You're just trying to get rid of me so you can be alone with Sasuke!"

Ino slapped Naruto. "Obviously!" she said.

"Look, I don't really care if we win this or not…" Sasuke said as he made a giant stack of snowballs. "But you guys better not hold me back."

Ino and Naruto decided to humor Sasuke and pretend as though what he had just said made any sense whatsoever.

They were suddenly ambushed by Asuma who screamed at them to commence in the war of the snowballs.

"All right, we are SO going to win this!" said Ino. "Sasuke, you were the Number One Rookie from our year!"

"What has that got to do with anything?" said Naruto. "Why randomly bring that up? I am WAY better than Sasuke!"

"Is that a fact, Naruto?" said Ino. "If you're so much better than Sasuke, how come YOU aren't the Number One Rookie?"

"Cause I didn't feel like it!" Naruto yelled.

"Be quiet, you two." Said Sasuke as he stood up and looked dramatic. "There's someone here."

"No there isn't!" said Naruto.

Ino turned around saw a big pink blob dodge behind a tree.

"SASUKE! BEHIND YOU!" Ino shrieked as she leapt on top of Sasuke just as Sakura stood up and hurled a snowball at him. Ino was hit in the back instead of Sasuke, and she figured that it was dramatic enough that he would want to avenge her.

"I was aiming at Naruto!" Sakura yelled as Sasuke stood up and pelted her with a snowball.

"Sasuke…I saved you…" Ino said as if being hit by a snowball hurt at all.

Before Sasuke could say anything, Kakashi and Asuma came out of nowhere and snatched away both Ino and Sakura, whisking them away to elsewhere so they couldn't pretend like they were still in the game.

Sasuke and Naruto paused a moment and then glared at each other.

"So it's just you and me now." Said Naruto.

"Like I said before; don't hold me back," Sasuke warned.

Meanwhile, Shino was chillin' just a little ways away as a bug flew over to him and reported what had just occurred. Shino gave a sigh and looked at Chouji who was also just chillin' there.

"Sakura was already eliminated." He said.

"Well that's fantastic." Said Chouji.

"Let's eliminate Naruto and Sasuke before they have a chance to retaliate against us for conspiring with Sakura to eliminate them." Shino said.

"Okay," Chouji said with a shrug.

They started walking but where suddenly each hit in the back of the head with two very well aimed snowballs. Their walking was immediately halted as they looked at each other questioningly to make sure they had just experienced the same thing.

Then they decided to do the SMART thing and turn around to see the face of their attacker. But, of course, since so much time had passed, their attacker had already disappeared and, in his or her place, Kurenai was standing in order to take them away to the loser's circle. Yes, they did make such a circle.

Meanwhile, inside the HNK Igloo…

Kiba and Hinata were making snowballs. That's all they were doing. Every once and a while, Hinata checked out the peek hole to see if there was anyone approaching their fort, but other than that, they weren't doing anything.

"This is a boring strategy!" Kiba announced. "I think we have PLENTY of snowballs! I mean, we have enough snowballs here to feed a third world country."

"Huh?" Hinata said as a question mark formed above her head.

But Kiba didn't even have to explain his totally ridiculous statement because he spotted something move out of the peek hole.

"Yes!" said Kiba. "Someone to hit with snowballs!"

"Shh!" said Hinata. "They'll know we're here!"

"Hinata…you've seen this thing from the outside right?" said Kiba. "Someone would have to be stupid to not know we're here!"

"Okay…" said Hinata.

Kiba grabbed an armful of snowballs and climbed up the mound of snow to the hole in the top of the roof.

"EAT SNOWBALLS!" he yelled as he hurled a snowball at Tenten since it happened to be her approaching.

Tenten dove to get out of the way and dodged just in time.

"How about you?" Tenten said as she threw a snowball at Kiba but he ducked into the protective fort.

Tenten was just about to run and attack some more, when a snowball came out of nowhere and hit her. She turned around just in time to see Akamaru frolic by as he climbed up the side of the igloo and dove in the top.

"That doesn't count!" Tenten declared as Kiba poked his head back out and laughed at her expense.

"Why not?" Kiba demanded.

"Because…he's a dog!" Tenten answered.

"So?" said Kiba. "You're NOT a dog but I don't hold that against you."

Just then, Gai walked over.

"What is the dispute?" he said.

"Tenten says that it doesn't count if Akamaru throws a snowball at her!" Kiba said.

"Akamaru hit you with a snowball?" said Gai.

"Yeah!" said Tenten. "And it shouldn't count!"

"Tenten, if you're going to let yourself get hit by a snowball thrown from a dog, then you don't deserve to still be in the game anyway." Gai said.

"What?" Tenten demanded.

"All right, if Akamaru's snowball doesn't count, then mine will!" said Kiba as he hurled a snowball at Tenten and hit her. Since she wasn't paying attention, it hit her.

"Hey!" said Tenten. "That doesn't count either!"

"I didn't hear you say TIME OUT!" Kiba called.

"He's got a point." Said Gai. "You've officially been hit by TWO snowballs."

"But…but…!" Tenten started but before she could finish, she was swept away by Gai to the loser's circle.

Kiba did a little jig and descended back into the igloo only to catch a glimpse of Naruto popping up out of the tunnel and throwing a snowball at Hinata who just sat there like a useless lump.

"EEK!" she shouted as she was eliminated.

"Hey!" said Kiba. "How did you get in here?"

He threw a snowball at Naruto who ducked.

"The tunnel!" Naruto pointed out as he came back up and threw another snowball.

He and Kiba happened to be throwing snowballs at the exact same time so they both eliminated each other. HOW IRONIC!

The three of them had no choice but to crawl out of the igloo and wait to be picked up by the teachers. Sasuke was standing outside the igloo and he slapped his forehead as he watched Naruto being taken to the loser's circle.

He knew that he had to win it for himself now. He hadn't hit anyone with a snowball quite yet, but he knew there were still people left in the game so he didn't have to lose hope. Then he took a look at the now discarded igloo that actually looked extremely useful. It worked both defensively and offensively, and no doubt it contained many provisions he could use.

"Uchiha Sasuke," came a voice behind him.

He paused a moment, and then casually looked over his shoulder to see Neji standing there.

"You," Sasuke said as he turned fully around.

"I see you eying my snow fort." Neji accused.

"So?" said Sasuke. "You want to make something of it?"

"Actually I do." Said Neji as he bent down and picked up some snow, molding it into a perfect ball with his chakra.

Sasuke watched the process take place, and couldn't deny it SLIGHTLY intimidated him. So he activated his Sharingan and picked up some of his own snow to make a snowball that wasn't nearly as perfect in an OCD type manner as Neji's was.

"Let's do this." said Sasuke.

He threw his snowball first, but Neji easily dodged and chucked his snowball. Sasuke had no trouble predicting where it was coming from and jumped to the side. Neji picked up more snow and it formed immediately upon touching his hand, as opposed to Sasuke who had to sloppily pat it together in order to make it aerodynamic enough to fly through the air. Sasuke knew he was at a great disadvantage, so he dove behind the snow igloo to catch his breath and quickly make more snowballs.

He was hasty about it, and had a few in his arms as he turned around just in time to dodge another ruthless attack from Neji who seemed to be able to produce snowballs just by looking at the snow on the ground. Sasuke spent so much effort dodging that he dropped the measly couple he had had a chance to make.

He was on the defensive; that was for sure. Neji just continued to chase because he knew he would catch Sasuke as long as he didn't let him escape from his vision. And it wasn't going to be very hard to keep him in his vision because Neji has probably the best vision in the world.

Sasuke scooped up some snow and started to run backwards as he hurled a ball at Neji. Neji just threw another ball at Sasuke's, causing them to collide in air and not even reach him. Sasuke was about to throw yet another, but he suddenly tripped over something that caused him to tumble down. Neji took his opportunity to pelt Sasuke with about seventy-five perfectly made snowballs.

Sasuke sat up angrily after Neji finished his onslaught, and found that he had slipped over Shikamaru who had been making a snow angel.

"Excuse you," said Shikamaru to Sasuke.

Sasuke shook his fist at Shikamaru, and Neji just threw a snowball at him.

"So much for that plan." Shikamaru said.

"Might I ask why you were making a snow angel out here in the middle of everything?" said Sasuke as he stood up and brushed himself off.

"Just a little tactic of mine." Shikamaru said with a smirk.

Neji suddenly heard Lee's battle cry and spun around to see a snowball careening towards him. He immediately started spinning around like a crazy top so the snowball fizzled out upon touching his chakra, and the snow that he kicked up from his spinning flung all over the place so Shikamaru, Sasuke and Lee were all covered and buried.

When Neji finished spinning, he looked around and appeared satisfied.

That's when all the teachers appeared with the other losers.

"That's the end!" declared Gai. "Neji is the winner, so Team Hinata, Neji, Kiba wins!"

"Yay!" cheered Kiba. "I'm glad that I didn't trade Neji for Shino! Cause Shino was one of the first people eliminated. By Tenten no less."

"Shut up, Kiba." Said Shino.

"No." said Kiba. Then he chuckled to himself. "Haha. I did an impression of Shino."

"It was bad." Said Shino.

"All right, shut up you two." Asuma ordered. "We have to figure out who hit the most people."

"I got two!" Tenten said. "Shino and Chouji!"

"I got Hinata and Kiba!" Naruto said.

"I got Tenten and Naruto." Kiba said.

"Well," Neji said. "As it would happen…I hit Shikamaru, Sasuke AND Lee. That makes three. Which is more than two."

"Great job, Neji, you know your math!" said Gai, patting Neji on the back proudly. Neji decided that he was going to give Gai the EXTRA silent treatment.

"So that means that Neji's team does not have to shovel our front walks," said Kurenai. "And Neji will also get a special prize for the winter celebration."

"What IS the winter celebration?" said Lee curiously with a flamboyant shrug.

"You will all just have to show up in order to find out!" said Kurenai.

"But you also have to show up because we're forcing you to." Asuma pointed out when he noticed Shikamaru had raised his hand.

"All right, we'll see you all on the 20th." Said Kakashi. "That will be the winter celebration. Also, start thinking about what you want for Christmas, because on the 20th you will be receiving a name for someone you have to get a gift for."

"LAME!" screamed all the students.

"DON'T SCREAM AT US!" screamed all the students.

"Okay, the nine of you who have to shovel…come on!" said Gai.

The students grumbled and stared enviously at Neji, Hinata and Kiba. After they were gone, Kiba turned to the Hyuugas.

"All right!" he said. "Let's hang out and be winners. Well… actually, I don't really want to hang out with you, Neji. You're not invited."

"Whatever." Said Neji as he walked away.

**YOU GUYS! OMG we're so sorry we're trying so hard to finish this up and thank you so so so so much for sticking with us. The positive feedback really helps, and we're going to try to get the next chapter up really soon. So stick with us, and we promise that we won't make you wait that long again. Thank you again.**


	70. Winter Wonderland

Chapter 70- Winter Wonderland

"So that is why I have decided that, although I am FORCING you to be in this location, I will not force you to do anything else." Kakashi stated to the assortment of twelve students as they all stood before him and the other teachers.

They were on a ski mountain and had already rented skis and all of the equipment they required. After Kakashi's announcement, everyone seemed a little surprised, but especially all the other teachers who had clearly not been previously notified about Kakashi's decision.

"So your only requirement is that we remain on the mountain for the day?" Shikamaru inquired.

"Right." Said Kakashi.

The students all looked at each other and cheered.

"What about Neji's special prize?" Lee asked. "Because he owned us all in the snowball fight, he gets a special prize, remember?"

"Of course we remembered." Said Asuma.

The teachers stood there silently, looking at each other out of the corners of their eyes.

"Give us a second," said Kurenai as they all turned around and made a huddle.

Neji slapped his forehead.

"If it's going to be a huge problem then just forget it." Neji advised.

"Don't even SAY that, Neji!" said Gai.

Neji didn't respond to Gai.

"Are you STILL giving me the silent treatment?" Gai practically screamed.

"Just stop giving him the silent treatment so he'll stop being annoying about it." Said Tenten.

But Neji didn't respond to her either.

"Wait, you're still giving ME the silent treatment too?" Tenten demanded angrily.

Neji felt smug with himself even though he was being petty and childish. But I guess that's just what Neji does best.

"So we've decided what your special prize is, Neji." Said Kakashi. "We were GOING to force you to wear this safety sign on your back that said 'Directionally Challenged' so people would know to be weary of your sudden changes of direction but now we're not."

Neji just stood there with this face that was like: "What?"

"What?" he finally articulated.

"That being said, you may all disperse and have the time of your lives!" Asuma announced as he and the other three teachers used the Kawarimi technique to replace themselves with various random objects they happened to choose at the time.

Now there was a bit of awkwardness at first. No one really knew how they were going to split up the groups. They had been spoiled too long by the teachers who would automatically assign them groups whether they liked it or not. It's like being in a classroom in which you don't know anyone, and then the teacher orders you to make partners and nobody moves.

Finally, all the girls decided that they were going to ambush each other and have one big massive adventure that would soon be overwhelmed by estrogen and X chromosomes.

This left the men to do something. Kiba decided that he wanted to be in a group with Shino since they were best friends after all. Naruto looked at the people who remained and decided that if he couldn't be with Sakura, he would have to be in a group with Kiba, even if he had to be with Shino too. Shikamaru and Chouji decided that they were going to go off together as well. This left Neji, Sasuke and Lee so they all looked at each other for a few seconds and shrugged.

"Let's go on the bunny hills, girls!" said Sakura cheerfully.

"Are you kidding?" said Ino. "I am SO green circle material."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "I was only saying that because Hinata probably wanted to go on the Bunny Hills." She said. "I like blue squares best!"

"Um…" Hinata said nervously. "Yeah…?"

"How about we start with a green circle?" suggested Tenten rationally.

"What level of a skier are you, Tenten?" asked Ino.

"I usually go on black diamonds." Tenten replied.

All the girls looked at each other. "Well this is sort of a poorly planned group." Sakura observed.

Meanwhile…

"Okay, okay, now I'LL start it," said Kiba as he leaned over Shino to talk to Naruto.

"All right!" said Naruto.

"ROW ROW ROW YOU'RE BOAT!" Kiba bellowed loudly enough to start a landslide. Naruto chimed in, with Akamaru following suit and the three of the formed a round that went on for longer than necessary.

Shino just sat in between them. They were riding on a chairlift and they had just so happened to be on one of the longest one that led to the peak of the mountain. Shino sort of wished that they hadn't put the safety bar down or else he would have jumped to his death.

Meanwhile…

"I feel kind of bad about renting all the equipment if we were just going to sit in the lodge!" said Chouji as he and Shikamaru sat down at a table with hot chocolate. Chouji had also grabbed lots of other stuff, but that's beside the point. Actually, there really isn't a point at all so never mind. LOLZ!

"It doesn't matter," Shikamaru said. "We got all our stuff back in time so we got our money back."

"Still, doesn't it seem weird that we're drinking hot chocolate even though we didn't spend any time outside?" Chouji questioned.

"That's not true, Chouji," Shikamaru said. "I would have to say the teacher's explanation lasted, at the very lest, ten minutes."

"Whatever you say, Shikamaru!" said Chouji. "I won't complain when there's an all you can eat open buffet!"

"I figured." Shikamaru said.

Meanwhile…

So, knowing Neji, Sasuke and Lee (or at least our perception of them) they failed quite miserably when it came time to get off the chairlift and ski down to safety. They tumbled into a pile and caused many problems before they finally managed to untangle themselves and get out of the way.

They tried to pretend as though it didn't happen as they stood at the top of the mountain and looked down. They had all decided that they were badass enough to need to immediately go to a double black diamond so as they looked at the essentially downhill trail they were faced with, there was a bit of silence.

"So go," Sasuke said to his companions.

"You go." Said Neji to Lee.

"In a second." Lee gulped.

Meanwhile…

So the girls ended up going to a bunny hill first. They figured they'd do a bunny hill for Hinata, then a green circle and so forth. After all, as long as they started off easy, Hinata was bound to get the hang of it soon enough! Ditto with Ino who would definitely upgrade to a blue square, and likewise with all of them upgrading to a black diamond after they had done three runs.

After the bunny hill was finished, Hinata's expression was that of utmost horror, especially since the girls were now going off to find a green circle to ski on, and subsequently a blue square.

"Um…" Hinata started. "I…uh…can we do another bunny hill?"

The others looked at her like she was totally crazy.

"Hinata, if you don't branch out and go on ski slopes that are a little more challenging then you'll never get better!" Sakura reasoned.

"But…I don't think I'm ready to go on a more difficult slope yet…" Hinata said.

The girls all sighed.

"Have you ever considered Ski School, Hinata?" Tenten asked.

"Ski School?" Hinata repeated.

"Yeah, I took it last year and look how good I am already!" said Ino.

"YOU took Ski School?" Sakura said.

Ino looked at Sakura like she was stupid. "Why would you say that?" she said.

"Well come on, let's take Hinata to Ski School!" said Tenten enthusiastically.

They all jumped up and punched the air but unfortunately they were all wearing skis so they ended up falling over in a heap instead of being successful.

Meanwhile…

Kiba was skiing down the slope with Akamaru sitting on his head. You would THINK that wouldn't work, but this is Kiba we're talking about. He was skiing underneath the chairlift area, which we all know is quite treacherous because people riding the lift click snow down on the unsuspecting skiers, but he was on a mission.

He finally stopped short and Naruto skied up next to him.

"Do you see him?" Kiba asked as he looked up at the chairlift going by.

"No," said Naruto. "I think you should just forget about Shino and meet him at the bottom."

"I can't believe he didn't get off the chairlift and is just riding it back down!" said Kiba. "That offends me!" Akamaru barked in agreement.

"Well, I guess he could have at least SAID something…" Naruto agreed, but it was pretty obvious he didn't care at all.

"Oh, by the way Naruto," said Kiba. "The abominable snowman just came by and he told me to tell you to give him his butt, which you've been using as your face, back."

Naruto was a little confused at first. Kiba had said that so very casually, and the grammatical structure was poor, so Naruto wasn't quite sure if the words meant the same thing that Kiba was intending.

"…Wait, what?" Naruto said finally.

Kiba slapped his forehead. "It doesn't work if I have to EXPLAIN it!" he said. "It's a CHALLENGE!"

"Oh, are you challenging me to a race down the mountain?" Naruto said eagerly.

"DUH!" said Kiba.

"READY SET GO!" said Naruto as he pushed off down the mountain.

"HEY!" Kiba called as he skied after him.

Meanwhile…

"Shikamaru!" Chouji called as he trudged around the lodge area around snow gear and random people. "Shikamaru! Where are you? Where did you go? OH SHIKAMARU!"

"I'm right here, Chouji," came Shikamaru's voice behind him.

Chouji turned around and ran over to where Shikamaru was sitting with his hot chocolate. "Where did you go?" Chouji asked as he sat down.

"Nowhere," Shikamaru answered. "I've been here the whole time."

"Really?" Chouji looked awfully confused.

"Yup," Shikamaru nodded.

"Oh." Said Chouji. "I guess I just forgot where we were sitting."

"That's probably it," Shikamaru nodded.

"I feel a little silly now…" Chouji admitted.

"And rightly so," Shikamaru said. "But it's all right. Don't worry about it."

"Okay!" said Chouji.

He looked gleeful as Shikamaru took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"It's actually really too warm in here for hot chocolate." Said Shikamaru as he took off his scarf.

"I was thinking the same thing, but I just wasn't going to say anything…" Chouji said.

"Let's get some ice cream." Shikamaru suggested.

"All right!" said Chouji because he's no fool.

Meanwhile…

"In retrospect, Neji, perhaps you should have worn that safety sign after all." Lee said. The two of them were missing half of the ski equipment and lying in a tangled up heap in a ditch that separated two trails.

Neji burned a hole through Lee's head with his glare.

"It had nothing to do with me." Neji said.

"Oh, and I guess the fact that we said we were going take the left trail at the fork had nothing to do with the fact that you were taking the RIGHT trail." Lee pointed out.

"I WANTED to take the trail on the right because I didn't want to hang out with you and Sasuke anymore!" Neji said angrily. "And I don't like your tone!"

"Sorry…" said Lee.

Just then, Sasuke skied over and stopped on a dime, looking down at them in their pathetic state.

"Well," Sasuke said as he implied that he had more to say.

The other two waited for him to say something, but he didn't.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" said Neji.

"I don't have to." Sasuke said as he skied away.

Neji looked at Lee and then Gentle Fisted him with such force that he rocketed out of the ditch and back onto the trail. Then he pulled himself out and angrily began collecting up his skiing equipment.

"Thanks for the help, Neji!" said Lee as he saluted Neji. "Although, it WAS your fault that I was stuck in the ditch in the first place…"

And Neji gave him another Gentle Fist for good measure.

Meanwhile…

"I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!" shrieked Gai at the top of his lungs as he looked down at the slope he was about to ski.

Unfortunately, he was on a bunny hill because at it turned out, none of the teachers knew how to ski.

"Why did you choose something for us to do what we're all bad at?" Kurenai complained to Kakashi as they went down the bunny hill in a snowplow.

"Do you actually think I put any thought into this?" Kakashi raised the eyebrow THAT NO ONE COULD SEE. So, yes, it was kind of a pointless gesture but he did it nonetheless.

They reached the bottom of the hill and got over their adrenaline rushes.

"Well, that was exciting!" Asuma exclaimed.

They were just about to go up the rope tow again when Naruto suddenly came out of nowhere.

"Um…" he began.

"All right, who crashed into a tree and injured himself?" said Kakashi.

"Himself OR HERSELF." Kurenai corrected.

"Fine, whatever." Said Kakashi.

"It was probably one of the boys though…" Kurenai evaluated. "Girls have sense enough not to be stupid…but you still have to be politically correct!"

Kakashi stared at her. "Are you done?" he said finally.

"Sure." Said Kurenai with a shrug.

Kakashi looked at Naruto again. "So?"

"Well, no one was hurt by a LITERAL tree, per say…" Naruto started.

So Naruto proceeded to explain what had occurred a little earlier. He and Kiba had finally located Shino. Kiba insisted on dragging Shino back up the chairlift and forced him to actually get off of it that time.

"THEN," Naruto continued. "Kiba apparently learned this new way to challenge people in which he says that the abominable snowman wants his butt back because the other person has been using said butt as his face… and Shino didn't take too kindly to the challenge…"

"Just say it!" ordered Gai. "I'm getting bored!"

"So essentially Shino punched Kiba and then Kiba tumbled down the entire mountain." Naruto said finally. "I laughed most of the time but then I figured I should tell someone after Shino told me to and I decided to do what Shino told me to do so he wouldn't punch me too."

"Is it serious?" asked Kurenai.

Naruto shrugged.

"Well, looks like we'll have to round everyone up and head out of here." Kakashi decided.

"Shino always ruins EVERYTHING!" said Asuma as he threw his poles on the ground in a fit of rage.

"What?" demanded Kurenai. "That's MY student we're talking about!"

"Yeah!" said Asuma. "And YOUR STUDENT always ruins everything!"

"What are you talking about?" said Gai. "How does SHINO always ruin EVERYTHING?"

"I don't know." Said Asuma. "I'm just jealous, I guess."

"There, there," said Kurenai tenderly as she patted Asuma on the back.

So anyway, it was a long and arduous journey to find everyone. They had to fish Neji and Sasuke out of a ditch and get Lee out of a tree where he had been Gentle Fisted. Then they had to get the girls who were still trying to enroll Hinata in Ski School. After that, they couldn't find Shikamaru and Chouji anywhere so they had them paged throughout the whole mountain, only to turn around and discover that they had been right behind them in the lodge the entire time. They enjoyed a good chuckle at THAT one!

Then they all piled on a bus to go home.

"You're just lucky I didn't break anything, Shino!" said Kiba as he held an icepack to his head. "You're lucky that I walked away from that with only a MASSIVE CONCUSSION!"

Shino probably felt bad, but not bad enough to apologize.

"Attention everyone!" said Kurenai. "Before we head home, everyone has to pick a name out of this hat! That will be the person you have to get a gift for on Christmas! And remember, it's supposed to be SECRET!"

"Yeah, yeah…" mumbled all the students as they each took a paper.

Kurenai sat back down and looked at the male teachers.

"Can you believe we only have Christmas, Hinata's birthday and New Year's Eve left?" she said.

"New Year's Eve SLASH my birthday!" Gai pointed out.

"Right, right…" said Kurenai, rolling her eyes.

"It is hard to believe it's been almost a year," Kakashi agreed.

"Well, let's try to make those holidays the best ones yet." Said Asuma.


	71. Christmas Spars

Chapter 71- Christmas Spars

"Christmas is the grandest time of the year," Gai decided as the entire group of ninjas sat at the dinner table. They were just polishing off their Christmas dinner since some people do that crazy Christmas dinner stuff.

"Can't we open our Christmas presents yet?" Naruto whined.

The teachers had not allowed them to open their presents yet. Why, you ask? Well, it was a good way to force them to all hang out with them in the Christmas spirit all day. They threatened the students that they would not receive their presents if they did not go caroling and be merry all day long.

"We can't forget about CHRISTMAS DESSERT!" Kurenai announced as she burst from the kitchen with a massive snowman shaped cake.

Under normal circumstances, it's likely the students would be enthralled about receiving cake. But all the cake was doing was prolonging their present open experience so they were not pleased.

"A snowman?" Kakashi questioned. "Why not a Christmas tree?"

"I wanted to be politically correct," Kurenai shrugged.

"But this IS a Christmas celebration," Asuma pointed out.

"Nevertheless, does anyone have a knife that would be suitable for cutting a cake such as this one?" Kurenai asked.

"Why, as a matter of fact, I carry a massive knife around with me every day!" said Gai as he whipped out such knife that you may remember from the way beginning of the year.

"We want to open our presents!" Ino protested as Kurenai passed slices of cake around the table.

"You know, celebrating Christmas is a FAMILY thing," said Sakura. "We all have families we'd rather be celebrating Christmas with."

"Speak for yourself, Sakura," said Sasuke with an evil glare as he took his piece of cake and started eating it. He probably wasn't going to stop glaring at her all night as she realized the severity of her mistake.

"Eating this cake makes me feel less manly," said Neji since he happened to get a piece of the shiny smile that used to be apart of a whole snowman.

"I didn't realize manliness was a big concern of yours, Neji," said Lee.

And he managed to duck just in time. If not, he probably would have missed the last few holidays.

"Hinata, will you kindly ask Shino to pass me a fork?" Kiba said to Hinata who was sitting next to him.

"Um…Shino, will you pass Kiba a fork?" Hinata said to Shino who was sitting on the other side of her.

Shino handed Hinata a fork, and Hinata handed the fork to Kiba.

"Tell Shino I said thanks," said Kiba with a nod.

"Kiba says thanks," Hinata said.

"Tell Kiba I said your welcome," Shino said. He probably rolled his eyes. But no one will ever know.

"What just happened there?" Chouji said since he happened to be sitting across from the trio and observed this entire transaction take place.

"My mom says I'm not allowed to talk to Shino anymore on account of the fact that he pushed me down a mountain," Kiba replied.

"You all can imagine how distraught I am about this," said Shino.

"And Akamaru is being a brat and making sure I don't talk to him and if I DO then he's going to tell my mom!" said Kiba. Akamaru barked at him.

"Shino is scary," Naruto said.

"That's not what I was saying," said Kiba.

"That's what I'M saying," Naruto said.

"I am not scary," said Shino but it was all a front.

"You scare the hell outta me!" said Naruto. "Frankly, I'm afraid to ask you to pass the salt."

"When are we ever in a situation that demands you ask me to pass you the salt?" Shino said, looking baffled.

"Whatever," said Naruto.

"Speaking of WHATEVER, I think we might as well get to the present opening!" said Asuma as if that made any sense at all. And, if you look back at the conversation that had been occurring, then you would simply have to agree that it really didn't make any sense at all.

"I hope everyone got a gift for their secret Santa!" said Gai. "Or else."

He held up the massive knife he had been holding earlier, and all the students gulped nervously except for maybe those who knew that Gai wasn't actually going to follow through with his threat.

"How shall we begin?" questioned Kakashi.

"How about we choose a student at random and that student opens his or her present…" Kurenai suggested. "And then we use that person as a chain reaction and eventually get through all the students!"

"Ah, yes, but who to choose?" Asuma stroked his beard. "How about Shikamaru? After all, he IS a chuunin."

"Yes, Asuma, he is…" the other teachers crossed their arms and glared angrily at him.

"So, Shikamaru has to open his present first," Asuma declared. "Who got Shikamaru a present?"

He looked around eagerly and he certainly didn't have to look around for long because Lee leapt up into the air waving a brightly and perfectly wrapped package in the air.

"I got Shikamaru!" he announced happily. "And I spent hours picking out the perfect present!"

"Oh no," said Shikamaru as he slapped his forehead.

"Well, let's see it!" said Gai cheerfully.

Lee handed Shikamaru his gift. Shikamaru sighed with this face that was like, "This is troublesome!"

He opened the gift and pulled out a green scarf. At first, he looked like he was just going to say: "Okay…whatevs… thnx…" But then he took a second look at the scarf and decided that it wasn't all THAT bad.

"Thanks Lee," he said finally.

"HURRAY! YOU LIKE IT!" Lee screamed as he ran over to Shikamaru, picked him up and swung him around like he was being paid for it.

After he put him down, Shikamaru readjusted his chuunin vest. "I like the gift, but I didn't like the hug," he said in a very threatening tone.

"Sorry," Lee looked ashamed.

"All right, moving along," said Kakashi. "Who got Lee's gift?"

"I got Lee!" Ino raised her hand and gave Lee a small square shaped package.

"Oh, I wonder what it could be!" said Lee as he opened the gift faster than the speed of light. Once the wrapping paper was cleared away, he held it up to reveal a picture frame. "Hurray! A picture frame! What could be more superior than that?"

"Absolutely NOTHING!" said Ino.

Just when Lee looked like he was about to give Ino a hug that rivaled Shikamaru's hug, Ino calmly reminded him that she was a girl and therefore it was required she had her own personal space AWAY from boys, unless that particular boy happened to be Sasuke, and only under that extreme circumstance would physical encounters with someone who possesses a Y chromosome would be acceptable, even though such an encounter is highly unlikely because I don't foresee Sasuke leaping on top of Ino in the near future.

Hm. Well. That was a nice sentence.

"Who got Ino a present?" Kurenai asked.

Ino was hoping it would be Sasuke so she would have an excuse to hug him for thanks, but instead Naruto stepped forward. So that made her heart sink as Sakura only laughed at her.

"I hope you like my gift!" Naruto said.

Ino didn't look to thrilled as she fished through the bag with tissue paper in it. She finally emerged with a package that had various things inside; Hershey's chocolate, marshmallows and graham crackers. Ino, at first, just looked confusedly at Naruto, but then she put two and two together.

"Ohh…" she said. "I get it."

"Awesome, isn't it?" Naruto said. "I saw it, and I kind of wanted to buy it for myself, but then I figured I'd get one for the secret Santa thing!" He paused. "Well, I got one for myself too."

"Well, it's very unique, but I guess I like it!" Ino admitted.

"Something is either unique or it isn't," Kakashi said. "Something can't be 'very unique'."

"Kakashi, shut up," said Gai as he asserted his authority.

Kakashi ignored him. And Gai interpreted that as a win.

"Now we are TIED!" said Gai happily. "Greatest Christmas gift EVER!"

"Not better than Ino's S'mores Kit!" Naruto interrupted.

Gai was about to argue, but then he considered Naruto's statement and just had to agree.

"So who got Naruto's name in the Secret Santa?" Asuma questioned.

Shino raised his hand.

"All right!" said Naruto. "Where's my gift?"

"I didn't get one," Shino said bluntly.

"WHAT?" demanded Gai as he whipped out the giant knife.

Naruto was so sad.

"Um… you can have a Christmas spar," Shino suggested.

"That works!" Naruto cheered, punching the air. "When?"

"Um…not now," Shino tried.

"All right!" Naruto cheered again.

"Okay…" said the teachers.

"And who got Shino?" Kurenai asked.

"Me," said Neji. "And I…uh…um…I got you a Christmas spar too, Shino."

"Aha," said Shino.

"We should have a three-way Christmas spar," said Naruto.

"Let's not," said Neji. "Shino, by 'Christmas spar' I meant nothing."

"I know," said Shino.

"All right, whoever got a gift for Neji just DON'T give it to him," Gai decided.

"Aw, but me and Akamaru spent so much on this gift!" said Kiba as he stood there looking depressed.

And the teachers decided that he looked so sad so they allowed him to give Neji the gift.

"Great," said Neji. "A water gun. Exactly what I needed."

"Well, I figured you wouldn't have one," Kiba shrugged.

"I think we're almost half way done!" said Asuma. "Who got Kiba?"

"I did!" said Chouji as he handed Kiba a small package with an even smaller package attached to it. "Here you go, Kiba. And I even got something for Akamaru too."

"You…did…?" Kiba said haltingly.

Chouji didn't really know what that reaction meant at first. Then Kiba's eyes welded with tears and he decided Chouji deserved a hug so he gave him one. Akamaru was even wiping some tears from his eyes.

"This is the first time anyone has actually acknowledged Akamaru!" Kiba practically bawled as he unwrapped his gift and Akamaru tore of the wrapping with his teeth. "YAY! Chocolate!"

He looked down to see that Akamaru had received the same thing except in a smaller portion.

"No, Akamaru, you're not allowed to eat chocolate, remember?" Kiba said as he confiscated Akamaru's chocolate.

"Oh…I should have considered that…I'm sorry," said Chouji.

"It's all right," said Kiba. "In this case, it's definitely the thought that counts!"

"Moving on," said Gai. "Who got Chouji?"

As it turned out, Hinata got Chouji. Hinata gave Chouji a picture frame. Then, in turn, Hinata received a gift certificate for one round of golf at the Konoha Golf Course that is located on the Hokage Mountain. She got this fantastic gift from Sasuke, and all the other girls shook their fists at her for once again lucking out and inadvertently getting Sasuke to do something for her whether it was voluntary or not.

Shikamaru got Sasuke. He hastily made up some kind of Christmas spar excuse, which disappointed Sasuke because he didn't have any interest in fighting Shikamaru even if he WAS a chuunin.

Then everyone was a little confused for a while.

"Oh, I get it," Kakashi said finally. "Sakura and Tenten got each other so therefore they are not apart of this large loop we just went in."

"What would we do without you, Kakashi?" everyone managed to say at exactly the same time.

So Sakura and Tenten exchanged picture frames. As it would happen, they were exactly the same picture frames. FANCY THAT!

"Well, Merry Christmas everyone!" said Gai. "That was truly joyful except for the disappointingly copious presence of Christmas spars!"

Everyone shot Shikamaru, Shino and Neji an evil eye.

"Whatever," the three said.

"Now here's my Christmas gift to all of you!" said Gai as he pulled out twelve identically wrapped gifts that ALL looked like green body suits.

"Gai, we all already have one of these because you gave them to us on our birthdays, remember?" Tenten pointed out.

"You can never have too much green body suits!" said Lee as he tore his open and marveled at it as if it looked any different than the one he was already wearing.

"Besides, Hinata doesn't have one yet!" Gai pointed out.

"Speaking of Hinata," said Kurenai. "Who had the most recent birthday and has to plan Hinata's birthday on the 27th?"

"ME!" Lee shouted as he jumped into the air. AGAIN. Lee's Christmas has been very airborne.

"Wonderful!" said Kurenai. "Let us know when you're all set with that."

"Will do!" said Lee, giving everyone the thumbs up.

"And you're probably all wondering what we're doing for New Year's SLASH Gai's birthday," said Asuma. "Well, considering it's a birthday an all, Hinata will have to plan it for the 1st!"

"WAIT!" said Kiba, putting his hands on his hips. "That hardly seems fair! Hinata had to plan MY birthday party!"

"She did?" the teachers looked confused.

"Yeah, remember how Neji…um…" Kiba couldn't remember exactly what happened, but he knew that Hinata planned his birthday party instead of Neji because of it. "…got all lazy and didn't feel like planning my birthday?"

"…Got pushed off a mountain by his teammates and was unconscious in the hospital?" Neji suggested.

"Yeah, that!" Kiba agreed.

"Oh right," said Kurenai. "In that case, I think Neji should definitely plan Gai's birthday!"

"That will be AWESOME!" said Gai as he hugged himself. "One of my students celebrating the anniversary of my birth!"

"What?" said Neji, looking irritated. "I don't want to do that."

"Well too bad," said Gai. "And if it's not the best birthday I've ever had then I will personally make sure you stay a genin forever."

"I hate you," said Neji.

FINALLY.

"GASP!" said Gai as he fainted since this must have been news to him.

"Well," said Kurenai. "There's no need to talk about Gai anymore since Hinata's birthday is the one that is closest."

"But I think we're pretty much done with talking about it," Asuma said.

"Yes, let's meet again on the 27th to do what Lee tells us," said Kakashi. And then he winced internally at the thought of what Lee was going to make them do.

In fact, EVERYONE winced internally. Even Gai, and he had FAINTED! But he hadn't actually fainted. He only pretended for attention. OH GAI! And…OH SHINO!

**----**

**xD Yay! Another one! Just a few more... ah... almost there.**

**PS, in case you didn't know, we got a livejournal account in which you can visit us and read things in advance. You can also see "Sasuke" and "Funshine Bear" and the last chapters of "As I See It" if you're interested in it. It's linkandluigific at livejournal. Go to our profile to click on the link and see more details! We love you guys for keeping with us!**


	72. Hinata Fun Time

Chapter 72- Hinata Fun Time

"It's hard to believe it's only been two day since Christmas!" Gai exclaimed.

"Really?" said Kiba. "It's felt an awful like six months. I mean, it feels so long ago that Christmas might as well have been in APRIL!"

Everyone looked at Kiba like he was crazy and then continued to go about their lives in the normal fashion.

BUT JUST KIDDING. It certainly wasn't normal because they were currently all in an old mansion type place dressed in Victorian garb as if they were right out of a Sherlock Holmes movie.

"So how did you come up with this idea to celebrate Hinata's birthday anyway, Lee?" Asuma asked, adjusting his monocle.

"Well," Lee said. "I said to myself, 'Lee,' I said, 'What better way to spend a birthday than to have a mock murder mystery?' And thus, I threw one together."

"How exciting!" Ino exclaimed. "I've always sort of secretly wanted to do this but I thought I would look like a dork if I signed up for one." Then Ino realized that was something that probably should have remained in her head.

"Let's get to solving this case!" Kurenai said as she pointed dramatically at Kakashi who was lying face first on the floor dressed in a butler costume. "Someone has shot our dear beloved butler, Kakashi, and we must figure out who the murderer is! Hinata, since it's your birthday, you get to think of the first clue."

"I don't really know how this all works," Hinata admitted.

"You have to discover a clue, and then we all have to decide if it's relevant," Kurenai explained.

"But…" Hinata started, still confused. She looked around for someone to help her convey her feelings.

"Kakashi isn't actually dead," Shino finally interjected. "Five minutes ago you guys told him to lie down and pretend to be dead, and he did. Therefore, there was no actual gunshot and no actual murder, so there are no clues. Lee did not put this together correctly, because the waiting staff is supposed to be in on the entire murder and set it up prior to the arrival of the guests."

"Well said, Shino," Kiba said. "But I would have simply said, 'But there are no clues!'"

"That's what separates me from you," Shino said.

"Only that?" Kiba raised an eyebrow.

"That and a mountain of faults," Shino added.

"Are you not giving Shino the silent treatment anymore, Kiba?" Hinata asked.

"Oh no!" Kiba said, slapping his forehead. "I forgot! You were supposed to remind me, Akamaru!"

"We won't tell your mom," Hinata assured him.

"I know _you _won't, but I can never tell with Shino!" said Kiba.

"I won't tell your mom either," said Shino with a roll of his eyes that no one could see.

Asuma cleared his throat, turned to Lee and inquired, "Is this true, Lee?"

"Um…" Lee said hesitantly. "I'm not really sure what we're talking about anymore."

"I meant about how you failed at setting up the murder mystery," Asuma clarified.

"Oh," said Lee. "Pretty much."

"Okay, Kakashi, you don't have to pretend to be dead anymore," said Kurenai, rolling her eyes.

Kakashi looked a little disappointed as he stood up and adjusted his shirt.

"I was so excited for this!" Sakura cried.

"Now, now, I'm sure we can figure out something that will be just as fun that will still involve these swell costumes and celebrate Hinata's birthday at the same time," Gai said. "As a matter of fact, why doesn't Hinata open the gift I got for her?"

"Let me guess;" said Naruto. "It's a green bodysuit!"

"You saw me buy it, didn't you?" Gai said. "How dare you reveal with the amazing gift was!"

"Gai, you have given that gift to _everyone _all year," said Neji, trying to speak slowly and pronounce every syllable clearly as not to confused Gai.

"That hardly seems plausible!" Gai exclaimed.

"ANYWAY," said Kurenai. "This is Hinata's birthday! Let's stop arguing amongst ourselves and celebrate it, shall we?"

"I had a backup plan just in case we solved the mystery too quickly!" said Lee, whipping out twelve tickets to SPACE CAMP!!!

"SPACE CAMP!" everyone cheered as they all ripped off their ancient Victorian outfits to reveal they were wearing astronaut training clothing on underneath.

"Hold up," said Asuma, peering at his ticket.

"…?" said everyone, sensing there was a problem.

"Space Camp is a week long," said Asuma. "If we go to Space Camp then we'll miss Gai's birthday and New Years."

"SO?" screamed the students. "IT'S SPACE CAMP!"

"This is my birthday we're talking about!" Gai yelled as he grabbed everyone's tickets and tore them up. "You're not going to miss our very last holiday celebration just for some silly Space Camp!"

"It's true," Kakashi admitted. "If we missed out on the last holiday, then it would be like we were cheated out of this whole year. We can't give up now."

"Or else we have to celebrate holidays for a second year…" Kurenai threw in just for a little extra threat.

Maybe the teachers were just jealous because they didn't get to go to Space Camp, but maybe that was how they legitimately felt. Either way, the students didn't want to spend another year celebrating holidays with each other, so they relinquished their mutilated tickets and looked to Lee for another idea.

"I had a back up back up plan!" said Lee.

"Why would you ever need a back up plan for Space Camp?" said Naruto.

"Just in case!" said Lee. "On the way here, I caught sight of a grand opening of this place called 'Plaster Fun Time'!"

Crickets chirped and everyone waited for Lee to get past his random comment and tell them what his REAL idea was.

"And they said, 'birthday parties welcome'!" Lee continued.

"Plaster Fun Time?" repeated Tenten. "Lee…um… no offense or anything… but can't you think up something a little bit better?"

"You know something, Tenten?" Lee said, putting his hands on his hips. "I think I did! I'm fairly certain I previously thought of a murder mystery party AND a week long stay at Space Camp! And now I'm facing criticism for my final resort to Plaster Fun Time?"

"I'm sorry, Lee," said Tenten, and everyone else felt bad for being mean to him as well.

"What do we do at Plaster Fun Time?" Chouji asked.

"You basically pick out things that are shaped like plaster and then you paint them," Sasuke answered, and so everyone stared at him for knowing that, but Sasuke didn't follow up with an explanation.

"In the end, isn't it up to Hinata anyway?" said Ino.

"Not really, because it's not like any of us had any say in the matter of what we got to do on our birthdays," Shikamaru remarked.

"But Hinata's a better person than the rest of us so she deserves more!" Kiba announced as if that was something they all unanimously agreed on without even having to discuss it. "So what do you think, Hinata?"

"Do you want to go to Plaster Fun Time?" Lee said.

"Um…okay…?" Hinata said nervously.

So they all jumped up and punched the air like Power Rangers, then ripped off their Space Camp clothing to reveal they had smocks on underneath, and yes they did have more clothing than just smocks because JUST the smock would be extremely scandalous so I suppose they were wearing an entire new set of clothing underneath the smock which was underneath the Space Camp clothes which was, if you remember correctly, underneath the Victorian clothing they were wearing at the very beginning of the day, which makes you wonder if maybe they expected all of these events to occur, or if the magic and excitement in their hearts just made these wonderful outfits specific to their activities appear in spite of not knowing exactly what they were going to do, though it does seem like somewhat of a hassle to wear three sets of clothes plus a smock, even though I think it would just be easier to put a smock on OVER the Space Camp clothing rather than wearing a whole new outfit underneath, maybe they wanted to get the Space Camp clothes off because they were sad about not going even though the opportunity had been recently presented to them.

Then they went to Plaster Fun Time and each ordered their own piece of plaster to decorate and color. And, even though Plaster Fun Time is great fun with plaster, it's not particularly interesting to write about. The extent of it would be:

"Hello. Will you please pass the green?"

"Why yes. Here is the green."

"Gee, this Plaster Fun Time place sure is great."

"I agree. I love painting plaster."

Yes so, as you can see, that's not very interesting, so we're going to skip over it to the part of the day where they are leaving with their plaster art. And yes, they get to leave with the plaster on the very same day they painted it because that's how fast the paint dries on the plaster! It makes you wonder why we don't use that exact kind of paint and plaster for every day household chores.

"See?" said Lee. "I TOLD you Plaster Fun Time was great!"

"I guess, in comparison to Space Camp, it was just sort of a let down," said Kiba honestly.

"At least we got to celebrate Hinata's birthday in a more personal environment!" said Kurenai. "Just imagine! If you were all at Space Camp, you would be too busy enjoying Space Camp to bother to wish Hinata happy birthday and give her a cake!"

"Speaking of cake…" hinted Chouji.

"Oh right!" said Lee as he whipped out a cake from behind his back. (I guess that's the way the world works in the land of cartoons—people can wear several layers of clothing in anticipation for what will happen throughout the day, and also a giant cake can hover behind someone's back until it is needed.)

"Wow!" exclaimed Hinata. "This cake is amazing!"

Her eyes glowed with so much happiness and excitement that Neji decided to speak up and admit that he had switched the candles with trick candles when no one was looking.

So Lee promptly put the candles back to regular candles and lit them so Hinata would have a fair chance at blowing them out.

"Make a wish, Hinata!" commanded Asuma.

Hinata was not about to share her wish with the rest of the world as she blew out the candles.

"That was an excellent party you planned, Lee," said Gai, patting Lee on the head.

"Thank you, Gai!" said Lee, his eyes filling up with tears.

"And students," said Kakashi. "One last holiday."

"HURRAY!" everyone cheered.

"We know you're disappointed," said Kurenai as if they hadn't just cheered.

"WE'RE NOT!" cheered the students.

"But fear not," said Gai. "For we know for a fact that the last holiday will be the greatest of them all! And why is that? Because it is two holidays in one! My birthday AND New Year's!"

"And you know what makes it even better?" said Kurenai. "Neji is planning it!"

Everyone raised their eyebrows at her.

"Okay, okay, I'm not going to pretend this is going to turn out well," said Kurenai. "But Neji, try not to be TOO much of a giant disappointment on this year of pleasantries."

"This has been a year of pleasantries?" Neji said.

"All right, that's it," said Kakashi. "Everyone go away now. We'll see you at ten o'clock on December 31st and Neji's house."

"Why does it have to be at my house?" Neji demanded.

"Because you're planning the party," Kakashi pointed out.

"Yeah, exactly, so shouldn't I get to decide where it is?" Neji said.

"Okay, fine," said Kakashi. "Ten o'clock at wherever Neji decides."

"And I should get to plan the time as well," Neji said.

"Okay," said Kakashi. "Whenever time Neji decides at whatever place Neji decides. Everyone understand?"

"I guess…" said everyone hesitantly.

With that, the teachers left without even eating any cake. No one really wanted it because it was an ice cream cake in the middle of December, so they gave it to Chouji and let him take it home.

"You know what I wish?" Shikamaru said to his team as everyone dispersed with their new painted plaster.

"Does it have something to do with wanting this horrible year to end?" Ino asked.

"As a matter of fact, it does," Shikamaru said. "I wish this year will end within a week, instead of feeling like it was dragged out for another six months."

"You know?" said Chouji thoughtfully as he munched on some delicious ice cream cake. "I kind of agree with what Kiba said about it feeling like months in between Christmas and Hinata's birthday!"

"Let's just cross our fingers and hope this year ends in a timely manner," Ino said.

And they did.


	73. Twas One Hour Till New Year's

Chapter 73- 'Twas One Hour Till New Year's…

"You know, the hardest thing to do is to end a year!" Gai announced.

"I find the hardest thing is ending an extremely lengthy story," said Kiba.

"Have you written an extremely lengthy story recently, Kiba?" questioned Shino.

"No," Kiba admitted. "But I'm willing to bet it is something very difficult to do!"

"So what do you think about this New Year's Party slash Gai's birthday party that Neji is planning?" asked Kakashi.

"I had my doubts, but now that we are one hour from midnight, I feel as though he will pull through," said Gai proudly.

"Really?" said Sasuke. "Because, it being an hour from midnight and all, I'm starting to think that Neji will never contact us."

"Just because we have received no word from Neji concerning the party doesn't mean one won't eventually arrive!" Gai said, but he was probably just assuring himself.

"Don't worry, Gai," said Kurenai supportively. "I'm sure Neji will show up soon!"

"So am I!" Gai snapped. "Don't give up on one of my students so easily!"

Everyone felt bad for Gai because Neji had apparently made absolutely no effort to contact any of them or announce a party. When there had been no word, the teachers gathered all the students and brought them to Neji's favorite training area because they figured if the party was going to be anywhere, it would probably be there.

Unfortunately, whence they arrived, there were no balloons, no party hats, no food and certainly no cake. Still, they persevered and believed Neji would pull through!

However, 'twas one hour till New Years and all through the land, not a party was raging, not a note from the band. The ninjas were waiting in the forest with care in hopes that young Neji soon would be there.

The children were bored and wished they were in beds while visions of training danced in their heads. And Kurenai with her cheer and Gai with his hope, Kakashi read his book as Asuma smiled like a dope.

But off in the distance, there arose such a clatter and the ninjas paid heed to see what was the matter. Away through the trees they flew like a flash, tore through the trees, they ran and they dashed. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow gave the luster of midday to the objects below, when, what to their wandering eyes should appear…

It was a parade and a band, and they gave up a cheer!

With a leader so young, so lively to see, they knew in a moment it must be Neji! More rapid than eagles his courses they came, and he whistled and shouted and called them by name:

"Shikamaru, Kiba, Sasuke, Ino! Even Hinata, Kiba, Tenten, Lee and Shino! I'm calling to Sakura, Naruto, Chouji! And Gai, Kurenai, Asuma and Kakashi! I've brought this parade from a faraway land to help us celebrate so strike up the band!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky. So up to the tree tops, the ninjas they flew, with their hearts fill of joys, and Neji's was too.

And then, in a twinkling, the band began to play in celebration of the greatness of this New Year's day. And so the ninjas returned to the ground and began to dance, jump, play and bound! Dressed in their warm clothes from their heads to their feet, they were ready to celebrate this holiday treat.

A bundle of toys Neji had brought on his back and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow and his clothes, normally clean, were covered in snow. The usual clench he had in his mouth had vanished to elsewhere and maybe gone south.

Gai's could hardly contain as he grabbed hold of his belly and shook and even seized like a bowlful of jelly. He laughed and he cheered like a right jolly elf and even Sasuke joined in, in spite of himself. Though Sasuke was cold hearted he could not turn away for everything was perfect on this New Year's Day!

Kakashi winked his eye (perhaps from what he read) but the students were no longer filled with such dread. The year had been long and been such hard work and even Shikamaru who had been such a jerk in these last few months preceding this joy, had to admit he'd been a troublesome boy.

Chouji was glad with the spread of food that was there and dug in with careless excitement and flare! The students enjoyed watching Chouji be happy and didn't think their party was in the least bit too sappy.

For Sakura and Ino decided a truce for they didn't know how their rage had gone loose. Their argument thus far hadn't made so much sense so they should move on and make it past tense. Choosing a boy of friendship seemed simply so silly and they couldn't believe they'd both been so bitchy.

Meanwhile Hinata couldn't help but approach her cousin who viewed her as a lousy cockroach. She thanked him for planning such a joyous party, and expected him to return her comment with glee, however it seemed a nerve she had struck so he instructed her to leave and not push her luck. And so Hinata decided to avoid him all night because it was impossible to make things between them all right.

Lee hugged his great teacher to make him feel great because he knew that Gai just couldn't wait for the party to start so he struck up the band and people could hear it to the village of the Sand! Lee was excited to make Gai happy and proud for he knew that today only joy was allowed! He also was thankful that Neji pulled through because if he didn't, Lee didn't know what he would do. He would have scolded his teammate, that much is for sure, and would have shook his head for him to be so immature! But thinking such thoughts just didn't seem right for Neji had planned a wonderful night.

Tenten was still as pointless as ever and continued to push through every endeavor. However, no one quite cared cause she was quite lame since thus far she never revealed her last name.

Shino and Kiba, all this long while, turned to each other and let loose a smile. Well, really just Kiba was the one who did that because Shino wasn't social, he only aced in combat. And we cannot move on quite yet, if you know me, because I must mention how Shino is a tree.

And up from the hills, Iruka did cry, "Leaving me out? Although you did try, I have arrived and so I will come!" But no one objected because that would just be dumb. Iruka's appearance appeased all the fans as again they all shouted to rise up the band.

"I'll be the Hokage!" Naruto couldn't help but say because he hadn't said it enough yet today.

The bells in the distance drowned out his cry as fireworks exploded brightly up into the sky. They symbolized the coming of a new year and so Naruto knew there was only one way it could go; he would train hard as his resolution to become a great ninja, it was the only solution!

The others chimed in and considered their goals and all decided to train for their roles! After all, they were ninjas and they had to be strong because if they weren't, that'd simply be wrong.

Kurenai, for once, just couldn't argue and wept as Asuma handed her a tissue. In fact, even Asuma had tears in his eyes thanks to the arrival of Neji's happy surprise. They hugged and were merry and cheerful and glad that Neji pulled through and didn't seem mad. They both were so giddy that things had worked out because that's what this year had all been about.

(Can you believe it's been almost three years and I've poured in my love and my sweat and my tears? Enjoy the stats that follow these lines for it took me so long to find all the signs. A story with almost four hundred a page, this is truly the end of one epic age.)

So with those admissions, the group gave a whistle and continued to party in the brush and the thistle. And they heard Gai exclaim with joys and delight,

_"Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!"_

8888888888888888888888888888888

Total pages: 342  
Total words: 158,462  
Total chapters: 73  
Total hugs: 19  
Total kisses: 9  
Total fake holidays: 28  
Total original characters: 19  
Total piñatas: 2  
Total parades: 4  
Total giant holes: 2  
Total run on sentences: 7  
Total Hulk moments: 2  
Total holidays based on people not having parents: 3  
Total Power Rangers references: 2  
Total birthday/Christmas/holiday spars: 4  
Total slapped foreheads: 36  
Total chapters parents were involved: 17  
Total times Team 8 made a sandcastle: 2  
Total times Ino called Shikamaru lazy: 20  
Total times Shino was like "No": 27  
Total times Shino said "I'm Shino": 4  
Total times people said "Oh Shino!": 6  
Total times Shino made a hilarious joke: 9  
Total times Shino was called a tree: 14  
Total times Gai punched someone: 4  
Total times Gai whipped out his giant knife: 5  
Total times someone brought up pushing Neji off a mountain: 7  
Total times the fork approached Lee and Tenten: 2  
Total times Shikamaru's chuuninhood was referred to: 20  
Total times Lee named something after Gai: 3  
Total times Kiba and Shino were ambiguously gay: 28  
Total times Shikamaru and Chouji were ambiguously gay: 14  
Total times holidays were turned into competitions: 8  
Total times Neji mentioned the Main or Branch Houses: 16  
Total times Kurenai expressed her political correctness: 9  
Total times they went to...you know... THAT restaurant: 10  
Total times someone wandered the streets of Laredo: 2  
Total times Super Future Sakura appeared: 2  
Total times Kiba verbally pwned Neji: 11  
Total times someone looked underneath the underneath: 13  
Total times someone almost or did throw a temper tantrum: 3  
Total times they went to the Hokage Mountain/mini golf course: 4  
Total times the word "compadres" was used: 4  
Total times the Sand Trio appeared in a chapter: 4  
Total times Iruka appeared in a chapter: 5  
Total times Tenten's pointlessness was referred to: 16  
Total times Shikamaru called something troublesome: 27  
Total times Neji used the gentle fist as a punishment: 8  
Total times a mean trick was played on Shikamaru while he slept: 4  
Total times Asuma stroked his beard: 4  
Total times Kurenai was compared to MC Hammer: 1  
Total times Kiba gave Akamaru the silent treatment: 3  
Total times people did things "as an odor": 3  
Total times only Team Gai celebrated a holiday: 3  
Total times someone drank their troubles away (with Sprite): 2  
Total times Naruto shouted, "JESUS!": 1  
Total times someone said "NOOOOO!" like Darth Vader: 3  
Total times an event was interrupted by an evil ninja: 3  
Total times the teachers tried to make a holiday informational: 5  
Total times Shino contemplated suicide: 5  
Total times Kakashi made a facial gesture no one could see: 6  
Total times sex occurred behind the scenes: 1

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me all this time guys! I apologize for really drawing out those last few holidays, and I hope it was worth it. It was really difficult trying to decide how to end it…I went back and forth from having Neji just in bed and skipping the whole thing or making it all fun and dramatic like this, and I think I liked this ending better even though it was a little on the short side. With that said, thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed the story and the stats!


End file.
